I Don't Remember What I said.

I recorded this over many sessions, so I do not remember what I said...also, this one might sound weird because I need new tires. 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:03

I'm back.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Well, that was weird. Um I I honestly j don't want to get into a why I haven't been around, because mostly it's boring, and I just kind of ran out of shit to say and then got busy and you know that kind of shit. I don't know. Life gets in the way and it is what it is. I'm gonna almost I'm hoping to start doing the podcast more again. In fact, I'm hoping to start doing uh or well I'm going to. I'm gonna do a podcast or no podcast. I'm going to start doing a chat a little like stay off your phone type challenge. Um originally I was gonna go back to a flip phone because I honestly uh uh it the smartphone is like heroin because I am addicted to it. I'm on it, and I kill I waste way too much damn time on it, but I hate it. And I have only had the well, I usually just got a new one for other reasons, but I have a four of the this is my fourth iPhone. Um and until 2020, 2020, I don't remember, I had a flip phone at a Miss It. I don't know, I loved it. And but unfortunately they're expensive, and I could not afford to pay $250 or whatever it was. Um because the way I live my life, I need the really hard to kill one. I can't get the flimsy one, or I will sit on it or break it and everything else. And it's the same reason that I had to buy a metal case for my iPhone, is because otherwise I'll destroy the fucking thing. Um and then I was gonna move to having a um like a house phone. I still want a house phone, I still make it a house phone. Um and what was I gonna say? Oh. Then I bought a phone lockbox, but I didn't think to factor in the case when I was measuring for the for the lockbox, you know, like the lock, it's a timer to lock up your whole phone. So now I'm going to do screen time and give someone else the code because I I just waste too much time on my phone, and I know it's making me dumber. And I've said it before, it's a losing battle, the fight against, you know, AI and this the general dumbing down of society. But I will be damned if I don't go out without a fight, and the first step it is making myself taking myself out of the stupidification process. So I haven't exactly decided on the rules, so I I guess I'll talk about those when I do decide. Um pretty much, but the general idea, because I can't be trusted, like any other drug addict. Um, you know, I it's like, we'll just delete it. Uh delete the app. Yeah, okay, well, what happens when I get bored and you know I'm taking a crap and d re-download it. I can't be trusted. Okay? I'm trying to kick a bad habit. I had more that I was gonna talk about now. I don't remember what the fuck it was. So goodbye. I will be back on later, I guess. Or I will add this to some sort of middle section of a different podcast. I don't I don't uh been been gone a bit. Um got a sore throat, so I don't know how long I'm gonna be able to talk. Once again, I'm driving to work because these days this is the only time I have to fucking talk. Um one moment. I don't know you, I bet you're wondering, Toby, is it safe to be on a handheld recorder while driving? And the answer is probably not. Probably not. I don't know if it's illegal, because if I do this right here, you know, then I'm hands-free. But I don't know. We've moved rooms around and done some stuff and things, and mostly I just took this break because I have had no idea what to talk about. Like my days are autistically the same for the most part. Um, we had a wicked storm the other night and last night. So a bunch of branches fell off the ch off a tree, and Monday we're gonna clean the chicken house and uh get the branches burned and take taken down and everything. I think I'm gonna get the pole saw out. It's so much fun. It's a lot of work because you know, you're up and down, nothing's automatic, but it's so much fun to be able to reach that high and bur and and cut stuff. I've also been having some writers block. Um I've started writing again, and I think it's because I have so many things on the back burner that like publishing wise, like I'm working on publishing one book right now. Um it's in the like editing slash formatting phase. And then but then I've got two other novels. The the next one is gonna be a collection, but then I've got two novels ready to go. Uh for the most part. And um I'm working on uh a third project that I would say is a quarter of the way there. But like um. So it's just it's it's I don't know. It's almost like my brain is like, why don't you focus on finishing and getting these things out first? Plus, I wanna I'm working on trying to write a fantasy novel, which I've never I I've written fantasy, but I've never written high fantasy or epic fantasy, I think is what they call it. And I've also been reading a lot this year. Like, I finished five books in January. Um's novels. It upsets me that he's not more popular than he is, but holy shit, holy shit, here's the Methodn Gay voice. I love him so much. Um I don't know why Jim Butcher moved to Denver, but you know, I was born in Missouri, so until until I found out he lived in in Colorado. I don't know if he's in Denver, but I know he's in Colorado. Um, I was like, oh man, Missouri. I'm mostly from West Virginia, but I I came out to Birth Canal in uh Missouri, which is a whole other thing because it's a conversation I've had with many people about whether or not you consider where you're from to be where you grew up or where you were born, because I consider it to be where you became a person, right? Um so like I I I lived in Missouri for eight years. I remember it, it was my my childhood childhood, but I was still a kid when we left, and then for the next several years we pivoted back and forth to between Wisconsin and West Virginia, and um I so I consider that to be where I did my growing up and becoming a person because I lived in West Virginia. We moved when I was 13, and I lived there 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, six 17. I'm if I lived in West Virginia from 13 to 17, right? And that's not counting the times we lived there as a kid, because I did spend some of my childhood there. I was in the second half of third grade and the first half of fourth grade. We lived in West Virginia, and then we actually moved back to Wisconsin on my on my 10th birthday. We've moved on two different birthdays, but so I lived there for a few months or a year or less than a year the first time, and then s 13 through 18. No, 13 through 17, then we did a little stint in Wisconsin. We we moved on my 18th birthday, right? And then I lived 18, 19, 20 in West Virginia. And I turned 20. I we moved back here when I was 20, and I turned 21 up here and have lived there since here since. So I did more or less all of my teenage years, you know, minus a coup a couple of months that we lived with some assholes. Um all of my teenage years, a a healthy dose of my childhood. Um so I consider myself mostly from West Virginia, but I also moved around so much that I don't have the accent that the rest of my family has. Like, my mom has mostly West Virginia and then we uh because from 13 to onward, she lives 13 until I was eight, which she lived in um Missouri. So she's mostly West Virginia, particularly if she's tired or angry or anything like that. But she's got a little bit of that Midwest in her. My dad, whose first language was Korean and grew up in Missouri, has kind of that redneck Asian thing going on. Um lost in thought. Uh a uh little tangent about this Vietnamese guy that we uh we knew in West Virginia, who he was from, like born and raised in Tennessee, but looked pure like he both his parents were probably from Vietnam. And it was just always kind of interesting and a little shocking when you hear this guy, because I've grown up around Asian accents, and like my grandmother is from Korea. My father still has an Asian accent, even though he's forgotten Korean. Um so, one second. Tried to hit the pause button, hit the fucking off button, so that you know, I will. Um, so I'm expecting this guy to sound Asian, and I'm working in the grocery store and he goes, Hey Audi, how you doing? I'm like, I'm doing good, sir. But anyway, um my sister has mostly a West Virginia accent. Uh, occasionally in her life when she has gotten like so unbelievably mad that if she had a gun, she probably would have shot someone. She'll turn more Asian than normal. But uh sh shotly West Virginia because she spent her fundamental years, you know, I'm three years older, but she was in West Virginia for I think first grade. And then we were in Wisconsin. Like at the same time period, but I'm trying to remember. She would have been, I think, 11, maybe 12 when we moved and spent I think all of her teenagers. No, that can't be right. She would have like she would have come to Wisconsin in the last tiny stretch of her teenagers. Cause we we were she went went through like 13 to 16, and we moved here in 18, so she was she would have turned 18 shortly after like I wanna say a month, maybe two, because I think we moved in June or July, so and she in August. Yeah. So she sounds West Virginia, right? A lot of the time. Um I don't I sound like I'm from four different places, one of which I've never even lived. Like I have got the most army brat accent ever. Damn it. Um I gotta be honest, I lost my train of thought. I don't remember why I started talking about accents. Not a fucking notion. Um, but I read Peace Talks Battleground, and then I was trying to hold out, you know, but Joni got me 12 months, and oh my goodness. It was those those books are intense, okay? I won't spoil anything unlike normal, but they're intense. And I also read Fourth Wing, which is really good. My only complaint is that I didn't know this was supposed to be like a Spith book, which is porn. I mean, I don't know why people on TikTok and YouTube and particularly women pretend that they're reading anything other than porn. Just because you're not jerking, you know, rubbing your clit while you read it, doesn't mean it's not porn. Um, and that's fine. Like, I if that's what you want to read, go go with God. Fourth wings awesome. Um just don't act like it's some higher art form, okay? You are it's the literary equivalent of a daytime soap opera. You're just waiting for somebody to fuck, okay? Stop pretending otherwise. Don't pretend like, you know, you're reading great literature. You're reading horny books because you like horny books. Just own it. Okay, that's all I ask. I just hate that shit with like we don't read it to get off. Okay. That's the biggest argument that I've seen online. It's like we don't read them to get off. Uh maybe not literally. You might not be, you know, knuckle deep in your own tw while you do it, but you are getting off. Like, that is why you read it. You read it because it's a like an expression of your own like fantasies and shit. It's the same I mean, real porn is not uh like real sex is not the same as porn. The same way your real life relationship, it you know, it's sexy. You read books where guys choke bitches and it's like, and then he bent her over and it was just this side of rape, and you're like, that's hot. But if your husband or boyfriend came home, grabbed you by the throat and threw your head into the wall and then fucked you, you'd call the cops. Okay? It is an expression of weird kinks, and that's fine, just stop pretending it's not porn. That being said, I don't see Fourth Wing is not porn. Like, there are sex scenes, but the the second the first book in the series, Fourth Wing, it does not read like a Smutty book. It reads like she wrote a fantasy book, and then her publisher or her editor said, Hey, porn is real popular right now, Smut's real popular right now, so throw some cocks and clits in. Like the the one sex scene is just d out of fucking nowhere. It's just like it's not out of nowhere, like it makes sense for them to have sex in the scene. It's just tonally, it went from a fantasy book to hardcore porn, and it's like I felt it thriding in and out of me. Cool. Cool. Good for you. The second book so far, I'm only about 400 and some pages into it. But the second book reads a lot better, like she actually planned out the sex scenes, and they're still intense, but at least it reads less like someone forced her to jam the sex scene in. Jam in the pun. Um But that's just my take. I mean it's a it's a good series either way. I mean, some of the sex scene, like I think it was the first or second sex scene in in Iron Flame, I thought went on too long. Like we get it. You guys are made for each other and you he you know you fit him like a glove. We get it. Go for you. Um I just want a little weird. Uh I gotta go to this pharmacy drive-thru and my throat hurts. So we'll talk later. Their one-sided conversation I'm having with strangers. Yeah, I'm back again. Um I don't know. I haven't felt like talking uh I've kinda run out of shit to say for the most part, but a thought occurred to me the other day. Cause I I've read stories and accounts of like, you know, legends of mystical shit that Christians did to convince pagans um to convert, like the Norse guy whose horse ran through fire or caught on fire or whatever, but wasn't harmed at all and all that stuff. And I am a person who is very naturally opposed to change. Like, and and any time I would hear that like Christians killed paganism, um, I would think, well, that's awful, you know. And I pictured what it did happen that way, but I I I pictured it m all being uh Christians going in and being like, uh stop being pagan or we'll fucking kill you. Signed as Catholics. And yeah, that did happen, and I'd be like, well, that sucks because their way of life was, you know, so interesting and the world is so not interesting, you know. But then a thought occurred to me, do you think that the Christians ever just were like learned because a very popular way to convince people was um sorry. A very popular way to convince people, I don't know how much of the weird noise you can hear, and if it but I don't care, um was to be like, oh, your god's name is Garth. Oh, that's so cool. We have a saint named Garth. He lives he worked for our big god, but he was pretty dope. And then be like, oh, okay, cool. But do you think that they took the time to learn about like Odin or Zeus or whatever, and and then just went, hey, our god isn't a cunt. Because most of the Christian convert well, all of it really, because b before the thing there was no there were no Christians. Yeah, there were none during ancient Greece, but you get my point. Um All of the horrific stuff in the Bible happened before Jesus, and all the major converting happened, or most of the major converting happened after Jesus. So at the time, they could have gone up to Vikings or Danes or you know, and just been like, hey, our God's not a dick. You wanna join our club? You wanna join our church? Our god doesn't feed people to wolves or demand that you kill anyone to appease him, it's a sacrifice to him. It's like our god has never raped anyone or cut their hair off. That would have been big with the Greeks. I don't know how much Greek pagan paganism was still around at the time, but for the purposes of this discussion, we're gonna pretend that they were all happening at the same time. Um just going up to Greek pagans or hedonists, I think they were called, that might be something else. And being like, hey, our God's not a rapist. Yeah, there's no chance he might visit you and say hi and you know flush you with the Holy Spirit. Hold on. Just be like, our God might visit you and fill you with the Holy Spirit, but he's not gonna fill you with a cock. Um, he's not gonna turn into an animal and fornicate with you. He's not going to make you sleep with your own dad. He's not going to Like the list of reasons that paganism died out is probably pretty big. You know, it's like, hey, our god doesn't encourage you to murder people. Yeah. We don't have fifteen gods of war. We just have the one god, and ever since his son died, he's not so big on the war anymore. Um I was trying to think in Norse mythology stories, but they all just involve Loki being a fucking dick. Um like, yeah, we've got a guy who is a dick. His name is Satan, and God kicked his ass. I mean, there's also the thing about how cr I I honestly don't know how much the devil actually did. I think that the devil is uh uh is Christian's scapegoat. Cause you know the devil made me do it. No, you're just a bitch. The devil temps. Okay, let's put let's say that's true. It's still your choice. He doesn't e you know when God gave man free will, he took away the ability of anybody to influence it. Satan can't make you do nothing. He can give you the opportunity. And then you do it. And guess whose fault it was? It was yours, not fucking Satan. Okay? If I hand you cocaine and you s and go, hey, you want to snort this? And you say no, and I'm like, come on, cocaine is great. Have some cocaine. And you're like, okay. It's not my fault that you did cocaine. It's your fault you did cocaine. Um. So that yeah, that was basically just my whole thought process was the pagans were probably like, Man, our gods suck. And the Christians come into town, it's like, our ours doesn't. Yeah, his whole thing is just be nice. Don't kill any. We even have ten special rules. Um, pretty much the only part of the old, you know, they're like, well, what about the old stories? Well, we don't really pay attention to those anymore, because this this guy named Jesus, you know, he died, and so now that that half of the Bible is mostly just like, uh, hey, look what happened. It we don't follow any of that anymore. Because by the way, you're not supposed to. It's just a historical record of when everything was rough back long, long time ago. And they're like, oh, okay. Yeah, this dude Jesus died and he cleansed I like you get to go to heaven. They're like, What's heaven? Oh, it's like Valhalla, except you don't have to go to war forever. You know, you don't have to get killed every single day, and then at the end of time, go to war and get killed for real. Yeah, we don't do that. We just uh go up to heaven and everything's pretty dope. Shit, that's heaven sounds like a good for a good deal, okay. Uh, what about your god? What is his name? Uh, we just call him God. That is so convenient. I don't know what's his accent is. It's like, yeah, our god doesn't cut anybody's You know, he d you know, he might demand a sacrifice, but it's not gonna be your fucking eyeball. Um and they're like, oh yeah, maybe, maybe. Uh does your god do lightning? Yeah, but not just to mess with people. And again, no rape. I know the Norse weren't big on rape, but pagan gods like to rape. Like he did no kidnapping either. God d he done he don't do that kidnapping shit. Yeah, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

Oh, that's so cool.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

Do you have other people? Yeah, we have angels. They're the servants of God. Aze are also gods? No, no, they're different. They're different. Ozai dicks? No, they're not. Oh shit!

SPEAKER_00 25:10

Baptize me.

SPEAKER_01 25:13

That's not to say that Christianity's without not without its faults. There's a lot of stupid shit that in my personal opinion, different versions of Christianity have a lot of stupid shit. I think I've said it before, but the idea that suicides go to hell is so stupid to me. I cannot function in life thinking that way. And here's why. In case you've never heard me say it. A lot of episodes at this point, I don't even know most of what I said. Um God now, as we have established in this little just one-way discussion, God does not influence free will, okay? He doesn't he you're not a chess piece on his board. He's not, or he's you know, he's not playing Monopoly, like rolling the dice to see whether or not you live and die. That being said, he does know all ahead of time what you're going to do, right? So when the big G. Uh sorry, um, autism. And I'm just stupid. Those are different, but I'm both. Um, when God knows like before you're born, or when you're born, let's say when you're born, when you pop out to pussy, God instantly knows every single decision that you are going to make in your life, and he knows where they are going to lead. He knows what other decisions that people other people make that are completely beyond your fucking control are going to result in you being harmed, hurt, or upset or traumatized or in any way. Right? So let's say you the a girl a girl is born, okay? Let's call her Jennifer, because that's the first name other than Catherine that popped into my head. And I like Jennifer better. I don't know. I that which is weird, because I don't actually like I like the name Catherine more, but we're gonna go with Jennifer right now. Now God knows Jennifer is an itty litty bitty baby. Now, God at this moment, when Jennifer is a little itty bitty baby, he is already aware that in 15 years, bad things are gonna happen, right? And then, let's say sh her parent dies in a car wreck, okay, whatever. She's orphaned. Let's say she's orphaned, and he knows two years after that, she is gonna get kicked out of where she's living. Or three years when she's eighteen. And he knows that she's gonna be homeless. But then he knows, he also knows that there's a little uptick in her life where she finally gets shit going. And then he knows that the following, by the time she's 20 and things are looking up, she's gonna spend the next five years with everything bad happening that can happen, right? I don't wanna say rape because it's like such a played-out analogy, and I'm really tired of rape in fiction. But let's say, like, you know, she gets behind on her bills, somebody beats the shit out of her. Like, whatever you want to happen to this man imaginary woman happens, okay? And then at 25 years old, after pretty the better part of a decade of sorrow, Jennifer is starting to feel pretty down, okay? And she spends the next five years doing her fucking dandest to try and and reach out and be get better and do better, and life just knocks the fucking shit out of her. Okay? Now, did God have a part in this? No. These, in our little scenario, are all the result of decisions made by people. Okay? People are dicks and it impacts other people and etc etc snowballs, but it all ends up hurting Jennifer. Now, she's 30, okay? She has had about 15 years, half her fucking life, more or less, has sucked a big old bag of donkey dicks. Ha a bouquet of dicks, and she is broken. And Jennifer has decides she's done. She can't do this shit no more. She don't want to bring children into this shit. She's fucking done. She kills herself. Okay? Now, s m I I don't want to say most, but a good goodly portion of of denomination of denominations of Christianity will tell you, Jennifer's going to hell. I cannot function believing that. I think that is dumb. Because even if they weren't his fault or his doing, if God allowed her to be born knowing how it would end, and still damns her to hell, God is a cunt. Okay? Allowing people to be born into an imperfect world that is going to beat them down at any given opportunity, and then when they finally break and they check out of this shitty fucking party, when they go home early, damning them to hell, it w just I that can't that doesn't fucking jam jive with my brain. It it's like it'd be like if I sent my kid to somebody else's house knowing that the mom does math and the dad's a rapist, and when the kid l comes home, I kick them in the face and burn our house down. With them inside it. Okay? If God damned people to hell for checking out early after a lifetime of reasons to do it, God would be a fucking cunt, and I cannot operate thinking he's a cunt. Sometimes I make jokes and stuff about how I think he doesn't love us, but that's not the same thing. Okay? You cannot love someone and not hate them at the same time, right? I have co-workers. I don't love them, I don't hate them, I'm just mostly ambivalent. Ambivalence and hatred are two different things. If God is ambivalent to the world, that's one thing. It's like he set up a little fucking a little uh terrarium and he's watching how it plays out, right? But if if he is letting the ants into the terrarium while it's on fire and then punishing them for dying, that would make God a l an actual piece of fucking shit. And I just d I just cannot think that that's true. That just cannot be true. And I know that there are you know the Catholics believe that it's because your life belongs to God and it's sacred, and um taking that away from him is a mortal sin. There's a s lot lot that's one of the reasons I am not Catholic. Okay. Um I'm not no more. Because that just sounds retarded to me. Yes, your life belongs to God. Your soul, it's kinda like the movie Bedazzled. It's like your soul is not yours to sell. It belongs to God. He's just letting you use it or whatever, right? And but that goes back to like when I was a kid and they told us uh one of the churches that we went to because we moved around a lot. One of the churches told us that humans were cr angels and humans were created to glorify God. And my first thought was, God sounds like an asshole. Because like God sounds like a fucking narcissistic dick. It's like what kind of asshole would create ten thousand angels, and however I didn't know, however many humans have lived, just to tell him he's awesome. I was a little and and like now I like I just don't believe that, because again, I I I just can't go on believing that God's a cunt. Um and I but like I don't really care enough to get into the thing of is God real? Is he not real? Jordan Breeding, Dr. Jordan Breeding's on the his YouTube channel, um, he talked about I can't remember exactly how he said it, but there are like there are subjective truths, subjective uh lies, objective truths, and objective lies. And I don't remember how he said, but it basically boiled down to God's either real or he's not, your personal viewpoint isn't really relevant. Um he either exists or he doesn't. Whether or not you believe in him doesn't change that fact. And I I pretty much I just don't see how how a God can't exist, you know what I'm saying? Like there's gotta be he has to be real. And I just I I have trouble believing that he's a fucking douchebag. Because, yes, humans fucked up the world. Okay, if you take the Adam and Eve story, one of the first things we did was fuck up the world. He they were like, we want free will, and he went, okay, what are you gonna do with it? And they went, fuck up the world. And we're gonna make it progressively worse every generation for the beg uh for the rest of time. In one way or another. God's like, what does that mean? He said, Well, you know, we'll spend twenty or thirty thousand years killing each other in w in just all the time, right? Just all the fucking time. And they'll be diseased and all that shit. And then eventually what we'll do is we'll make things a little bit better. Um, like in medicine, like we'll make people live longer, but we'll make uh their s their their their souls hurt. We'll make yeah, we'll make the physical world easier to deal with, but the the spiritual will just crush their souls. And God's like, okay, Jesus. Holy shit. Um This is fucked up, but I guess I gave you free will, so okay. Okay, kinda regret that, but whatever. Um And I just but I I don't know. I I part of me says there's a divine plan, and part of me says, No, there's not. Um, because everybody dies. So what's the divine plan in that? I've said this for quite a number of years now that I think God is a third grader, and we're his third grade science project. You know, like that he's got the whole world in his hand, like he brings in the terrarium and is like, look, they nuke shit. Yeah, isn't that fucking weird? And like there's some of somebody going Uh You know what? We have all of time. Let's see how this sh shit plays out before I give you your grid. But I just I don't know. I I can't f I I can't go on, like I c it cannot it doesn't make sense in my head. I cannot make it make sense that suicide would be punishable by going to hell. Because I just don't think God's a cunt. I think he thinks he's funny. He's not funny, but he thinks he is. And I think he might be a titch ambivalent in, you know, in in general, but more specifically in my life. There are have been times, and I would just say probably right now, that my thought when it's like uh because my mom used to tell me when I was a teenager I'd get upset about something, be like, ugh, I wish I was She's like, I like I went through a not religious or hate God or whatever phase. And she's like, you know, without God you wouldn't be here. And I went, that's not a fucking selling point. I I I don't wanna be here. Sometimes I think I'm alive because God hates me. He doesn't. I I mean at mu at worst he's ambivalent, at best he's overly involved. Um. I don't know. That's 20 minutes. I'll probably talk about something else at some point. Um or maybe this is just a 20-minute episode. Maybe I keep the fucking recorder in my car. Maybe I steer into that mini um no, I was a truck and it's already passed. I'm not gonna kill myself. I if it if this came out like I was like fucking suicidal or some shit, I would not record a podcast. Who would have uploaded it? That'd be one weird fucking suicide note, right? Like if I was suicidal and I would instead of writing it down, I talked into the thing, I put it on the computer, uploaded it to the user. And like, what? Then I kill myself and just hope somebody finds it. Cause I guarantee you, even if she knew how, my mother would not check my podcast for a suicide note. I'm just sitting there with in the dark, you know, liquor, beer, whatever, a gun cocked to my head, waiting for the view for the download count to go up, like as soon as it gets to 22, I'm fucking doing it. It's been a long day and my back hurts. Um, Monda Monday, this past Monday. Um today is Saturday. Say, okay, so nearly a week. Um I we were doing a brush. I had an aura migraine, which naturally meant that it was time for projects. Took a little nap to get over it, and uh didn't, but kinda did. You know what I mean? Like we're just like, I have a headache, but I can see and I'm not nauseous enough to vomit, so let's fucking go. And uh so we this wind storm had knocked down some branches and shit. Fuck, I hope that that's from dad. I'm almost home. He better not need something. Um hold on. He was just telling me to park in the garage. We're supposed to get like a million feet of snow. Um, or 19 inches, whatever. And but where was I I've already forgotten what I was saying. Oh I was uh moving limbs that that was Wisconsin. Moving. I was moving here. Um I was moving limbs Uh and putting them on a burn pile and stuff, and oh it's darkness or I have shit on my glasses. Unclear. Might have been stuff on the windshield. Um I was carving it up, you know, going at it, and 'cause some of them were so damn big that I think if I had planted them, they would have technically qualified as trees by themselves. And I had cut off one and I'm like, I'm gonna toss a keybar. Fuck yeah. And I did it, and it landed very th like very very straight, and like I made a little divot in the yard, and then my fast forward to five days later, and my fucking back still hurts. I think when I went up, I overextended, and my sciatic nerve has been on fire for almost a week. Um everything hurts. Man, everything hurts most of the time, but damn. Um I'm thinking of different things to do for the podcast, but we've been doing it a long time, and you know. I'm boring. I am fucking boring. I am boring as shit. Okay. I don't go out, I don't do exciting things, I stay home, I read, I write, I take care of my dogs. Okay, I shoot a lot. I don't got medical conditions, so I shoot a lot. That's not exciting. And I do not want to get to that point. I uh like I if I'm at the point where you're hearing turds plop on a podcast, that's because somebody paid me for that podcast. Some pervert was like, I'll give you a hundred dollars if I can listen to you shit. And I said, Well, I'm broke, so let's go. Joni and I play that game sometimes where it's like, Would you do that for a million dollars? And she was the other day, I'm not ashamed of it. She was like 70 grand. I went, fuck it, I'll fuck him twice. She's like, seriously? I w and the caveat is always, as long as he doesn't have AIDS, no amount of money's worth AIDS. And she's like, 70 grand? I went, uh, bitch, that would pay off my credit card debt and my student loans. And I'm like, for that, I'll do it twice and I'll do whatever sick fucking roleplay he wants. And Joni, like, literally fell down laughing, and then I went. She's like, 70 grand.

SPEAKER_00 42:59

I went, no debt.

SPEAKER_01 43:02

She's like, hey, I didn't say it. I I didn't say I don't get it. I I I I didn't say you were wrong. Just surprised. Alright, I'm coming into town now and I don't want to talk anymore. So bye. I've recorded a few podcasts recently. Hold on, I'm backing up. Um and I don't know. If you've heard them, then obviously I decided to put them out. One of them I got a little bit unhinged talking about religion. Anybody, okay? Everyone knows that the world sucks again. We we we fucking get it, okay? I just I was scrolling through YouTube, brushing my teeth, just dumbing the fuck around. And I feel like I'm forgetting something and I don't know what it was. I'm just dumbing around and somebody's like, hey. These dystopian books are a little too ridiculous. Okay. Handmaid's Tale. The government deciding what women should do with their bodies. Who would even think like that? The Hunger Games. The rich having parties while everyone else is hungry? Ridiculous. It's like, oh my god, the edginess. You are the first person, dear prophet, to point out that the world might not be great. Man, are you a hero? Like, we fucking get it, Jesus. Does everyone need reminded constantly that the world sucks? What the fuck do you want me to do about it? Kill everyone? I'm not the punisher. I can probably kill three or four people before you know before I I I I die. And it and it's just I just I just maybe it's the circles or maybe it's the algorithm telling me what I want to hear, or what it thinks I want to hear. Whatever the fuck, who knows? But I am just so tired of everyone always talking about how bad everything is. Everyone knows the world sucks. Everyone has been to a grocery store and seen how expensive shit is. Everyone knows that their rent keeps going up. I mean all these fucking people making videos about the 1% don't want you to know this. The 1% do this, the 1% do that. Cool. What the fuck do you want me to do about it? And there are always these douchebags in the comments like we need to stand up together. And do what? Do what? Have a violent overthrow of the government? Is that what you're pitching? Because that's not gonna work. They have an army. And three of the five largest air forces. And two of the largest navies. It's like but there are always people in the comments like, once you wake up, you can never go back to sleep. And how has waking up changed your life at all, other than now everyone can't fucking stand to be around you? Any other noticeable way there, fella? And I don't know that they're all dudes, but I definitely know that they're all dudes. There are, don't get me wrong, there are women making these videos. Whatever. The everything zff sucks. And they think they're being edgy and ironic. Like everyone hasn't known how bad the world was the whole fucking time. The government involved in a war that the American people don't want. Talk to your seven-year-old grandparents. See if they remember the last time that the government was involved in a war that nobody wanted. Or your parents involved in a war that people wanted for a little bit and then not for the next 18 years. I it's just why is everyone so it's kind of like family guy. I was like, why are you so fucking negative all the time? And that's me saying that. Anyone who has listened to this podcast knows that I am a pessimistic son of a bitch. I am the m like just crankiest of cranky oh dear. It's okay, little fella. Sorry, I had to slow very quickly. Um I don't know why I just said sorry, you're not in the car. I was gonna pause, but uh, hold on. Um I don't know, it's maybe I'm just in a mood today, but I it's been building up a little bit because every fucking booktuber, everybody, everybody everywhere is like man, did you know the government did this? What do you want me to do about it, Kyle? It's like the Trump's involved is in a war. And Obama used to bomb children. What the fuck do you want me to do about it? It's like, we and I'm so sick of we need to stand up as a country. Dude, they have just spent the last hundred years making sure that we won't. It was slow at first, and it is really picked up in the last 25 years. Um, the whole blue and red identity politics garbage. It is now so firm but for the since Obama, uh because, you know, it we really entrenched racists on either side, but since Obama, um the identity pol so almost 20 years, holy shit. The identity politics thing of uh and it escalated with Trump and Biden and it the only way okay, we are two hundred and fifty years deep into a system that was not designed to give with to cater to the will of the people. I don't care what the Constitution says in that regard, because it's a lie. Originally white landowning men could vote, and then it was like that for like a hundred years. And then they gave women the right to vote sometime, I think, in the late 1800s, early nineteen hundreds. They gave blacks the uh uh the they could vote around the same time. Asians couldn't become citizens until like the fucking fifties the nineteen fifties But they have always had scams, and the electoral college means that your vote doesn't fucking matter. So the only way to truly change the theftem would be to kill to go full French Revolution and kill every single politician. And then someone ha would have to sit just like we did last time, kick kill all of the politicians, kick anybody we don't like out, and d design a new system. Except we are too big for that now. Let's pretend we could do that, right? We can't, but because the uh I'm losing my voice. The first thing that would happen is and I know I've talked about this before, is everybody on one side would be like, yeah, but we like our guy. Well we like our guy, and then well, but you guys are rapist, or your guys a pedophile, or your guy's the hippie, well you guys are the loser. And and bl but let's pretend that that like we could rise up, man, and collectively get our shit together, and then you know, the whole country, everybody arms, we got all the guns, we storm Washington, and we execute everybody in power. Let's pretend that would work and wouldn't get us all killed, okay? What then? We've just killed all of the governors, we've just killed everyone who knows how to govern, so we're just gonna let the guys on 4chan and Reddit rebuild the system? Cause guess what? It's gonna look real similar to Ken redesigning Barbie World. Everybody's gonna have to legally call it the Mojo Dojo Casa House. Women will have no rights except for that they have to suck dick four to six times a day for anybody with a cock. I mean, the like well and then you're saying, Tibet, what if we like had normal people? We don't let the guys on Reddit, who would do that, huh? Okay. Find me five normal people and I will give you a million dollars. Everyone's fucking crazy, okay? You can't have any men under 30 involved because they're just stupid. And yes, I realize I'm under 30. I'm you don't want me redesigning your government. I mean, for fuck's sake. I have read more about the history uh of America and different government styles throughout history more than a lot of I would say more than the average American. You still don't want me in charge, because I'd probably give you a monarchy. Just let one asshole be in charge, we'll go full Russia on his ass. Let him be in charge until we don't like him, then we'll kill him and put somebody else in charge. Rinse and repeat for the rest of time. That's retarded. Okay? That's dumb. The average American is fucking stupid. So, everybody under 30, too dumb to run the government, or to set up a new government, right? So now you're looking at people above 30. Well, I'll say 30 to 50 is gonna be the optimal range right now, because you have gone to college, you've had time to live, you've done things, but you're not old, and you're not tired. Personally, I don't think anybody should be allowed to be president or in pro or in Congress if they are over 65. Because you're old, you're cranky, and you're probably a dick. This has come from my lifetime of research knowing old people and how most of them fucking suck. They all think or at least I'm gonna say all because the majority, the overwhelming majority of them, seem to think that have having reached a certain age, they get a license to be a dick forever. And I mean, from boomers down to early Gen X, it's like, well, uh the young people are so fucking disrespectful, I just I can't fucking stand all of these young people with their Twitters and their twatters and just can't look anybody in the eye and give me some goddamn respect. And then they turn around and scream at a 16-year-old cashier because their coupon has expired. That's not to say there aren't good old people, but like most things nowadays, the number of assholes outweighs the number of good people by a large enough margin that it's hard to find a nice old person. Okay? So over 65 and you're out of uh of finding the new uh founding the new government because you're old, and by the time we get this shit rolling, you're probably gonna be dead or shitting yourself. So everybody, 30 to 50, okay? Well, we're gonna have to rule out most Republicans and the majority of Democrats. Give me one second. And the reason that you're gonna have to get rid of anyone who's overly political is because odds are they're an idiot. And I say this equally for Republicans and Democrats, because on the Democrat side you have people who are wanting to make the maps gay and think that children should be able to cut off cut their dicks off just because of a flight of little fancy. And uh you you know, and words don't have any meaning except the meaning that you decide to give them in that moment. So your pronouns can change from second to second. And we should just have no taxes and uh we're and or high taxes for the Democrats. Well, we should have high taxes, and nobody gets any rights, and you can't have guns, and blah blah blah. And then on the Republican side, everyone needs to be a religious conservative, and if I have the Bible, I don't like the book, the book is gonna get burned, and I just I don't like blacks, and I don't like anybody who's a different color than me, and uh I don't like uh we should we should have no taxes, so and to pretend even though I'm part of the government, it will be the government's fault when the road goes dead and the schools are bad, and what are they teaching the schools, but I cut the funding to the schools, and so anybody who is let's say over a four on the how political are you, but anybody who's uh a f or over a four out of ten, you're probably too crazy to be involved. So, right there, I don't have numbers, but I'm gonna say we just eliminated most of Americans. Because anybody who's over a you know, let's say one, a zero, or no, let's say a one is someone who has no idea about politics. Like they couldn't spell Republican if you gave them a dollar for every letter, and a ten is people doing ice protests or MAGA. Cause you people are all equally stupid in my eyes. And now So anybody over a four is out of of the new government. And I'm gonna so I'm gonna say there are almost no people left in 30 to 50 who are not overly political. Now, gotta get rid of all o uh serious Christians and all atheists. Uh well, all oserous atheists, because we don't want our new religion founded on Christianity, because the whole point of this kind country was religious freedom. I know that there are conservatives out there who think that this was founded as a Christian nation and that we are supposed to uphold Christian values. That's not true. Um there's a lot of evidence there is a lot of evidence to suggest that several of the founding fathers were atheists. Um But yeah, so overly Christian, you out. Overly atheist, you're out. That's most that's gonna be a lot of people in you in their 30s and forties. Because they've gone through some shit, and they're gonna be like, God's not real. I will take the Jimmy Carr atheists who are like, Yeah, I don't believe in God. Uh I I don't like I'm not religious, but I do, you know, there might be something out there, but I just I don't think it there is, you know? And they but the in-your-faced vegan atheists, you out. And oh, speaking of vegans, speaking of vegans, you're all out. Because anybody who screams that much about their stupid fucking ideology, you can't help set up the new government. And you see, did you see where I'm going? I mean, these are the people that are like trying to tax farmers out of existence because they think food comes from the grocery store. But I'm gonna stop there. But do you s do you see where I'm going with this? There, y uh, people. America is too stupid, divided, and stupid to come up with a new s form of government, okay? As corrupt and fucked up and shitty as our government is, it is still pretty much the best one around. I mean, because if you look at the other side of the world, like like what do you got? You got cartels running shit in Mexico, you've got the Fuhrer of Canada, Justin Trudeau, and I'm not and I'm not I'm not coming out here to be an American apologist either. Jesus, there are problems. But why do I only get to focus on problems thanks to the media, the internet, and human beings? Why do I only have to hear about problems that don't have a solution? Okay, we are decades into insurance companies being entrenched in the system. They're shitty and they're fucked up and everybody's gonna die, but they're not going anywhere. I get that healthcare sucks, but guess what? There's nowhere that healthcare doesn't suck. Hold on. I'm gonna have to stop soon because my voice is starting to hurt. Maybe I'll just put all of these up and see if it, you know, gets me fired because it sounds like I'm gonna kill somebody or I'm crazy or some shit. Um forgot where I was. Like, okay, it and I think I've told this story here before, but this somebody somebody was talking about their cousin in Ireland versus their cousin in America, right? And versus themselves in America. And they said, we both had the same genetic kidney condition that, if untreated, is fatal. And she said, my my cousin instant or like it had to wait four weeks to get into a doctor, and then it was gonna be four months to get into a specialist. My cousin is dead. Uh, and she said, I have a giant bill to pay, but four weeks later I was with the specialist, and my kidney thing is is fine. And I mean it takes it can take weeks just to get into a GP in some socialized medicine countries. The NHS is I mean, I saw one comment from a British person who I don't remember what the other person had said, but they said, Okay, do you guys see where the NHS is? It's so shit. Americans are giving us advice, and the advice makes sense. Shit. Like, healthcare, there are too many people and not enough doctors and nurses and EMTs and paramedics and other jobs that I don't know the names of. Like, they say that the full equivalent, the equivalent of a full graduating medical school class in America kills themselves every year. To the point that one doctor when interviewed said that her professor had drawn a diagram on the blackboard and shown everyone how to kill themselves quick and properly. And it's probably bigger than that because a lot of MEs are probably friends of doctors and their families and don't write it down properly. They're like, oh, it must have been an accident. Must have been an accident. No, it was through a fact. Because it is a stressful fucking job. It is an awful, stressful, shitty job to where if you fuck up, I mean, think about, if I fuck up, somebody gets a bad haircut. If you fuck up, you know, as a butcher, somebody's cut of meat is slightly worse than they want it to be. Or maybe you have to take a loss on that meat because you fucked it up and now it's just gonna be stew meat or some shit. If a doctor or an EMT or a paramedic or a nurse, if they fuck up, people die. And there are like 328 million Americans, and we're all sick all the fucking time because we live longer than humans are supposed to now. And people get old and die, and they or they get sick and they're shitting and they're pissing, and everybody's overworked and tired and cranky, and then you have people in the government who listen, I mean, you you have Gen Z and all the young people who are like healthcare should be free, it should be a human right. Who pays the doctors? Taxes. So then everybody's pissed off that their taxes went up and they refuse to pay it. So then nobody's paying the nurses and the doctors and all this stuff. Why the f okay, as an example, my dad knew a guy in uh West Virginia who, after the Obamacare thing started, he was making about eight dollars a patient. Why the fuck would anyone go to school for twelve years and spend hundreds of fucking hours on their feet every year? Maybe thousands of hours. Thousands of hours on their feet watching people die, having to tell look into a little kid's eye and and say, hey, you're gonna lose that eye, or you have cancer, and your parents are gonna have to watch you die. Why would you go through that? And you go through mountains of fucking debt because people didn't want to pay for school, so the government started getting it giving out student loans, and now college costs more than a house. Why would you go through all of that to make eight dollars a patient? I mean, there aren't nobody has enough doctors because nobody pays them. I know that doctors make a lot of money, but not everywhere. You know what I'm saying? Like there aren't enough doc there isn't enough payoff for a lot of people to do to deal with all the shit. And it's even more so with nurses because nurses get treated like shit. Just look what happened in South Korea. Alright, I'm gonna shut up now, but my overall fucking point was everybody just stop being so fucking negative. Like Jesus. I get that the world is ending. I get that World War Three has is gonna start soon, which we've been saying for four years. Um I I like I get that everything sucks. I just don't care. This I think will be the fifth thing that I've tried to record and either forgotten to put up and need to put up still, or later on decided that I was a little bit too cranky, which anyone who's listened to this show for longer than two seconds knows that if I have deemed myself too cranky, it's pretty friggin' cranky. Um but a lot of shit has happened this week. We let's see, what is today? Today's Saturday. So it was Wednesday. I don't know. At one point we had an i ice storm, which I think was Thursday, and a ton of limbs fell, like oh one on the car, and luckily all it broke was the luggage rack I've never used. Um and several we have this like tiny little wooded patch that is I honestly don't know if anybody owns it, but it's like between a bunch of houses, and so many limbs fell now that you can actually see through the area better. Um Damn, I left later than I meant to. Oh well. Shit happens. I mean, they said over in Watoma that's a good idea. Um, I used to do more editing when I had better software, but then I was don't I don't have that anymore, cause the subscription model that all of society is based on right now is fucking retarded. I missed the days when I could just pay money, buy something, and then I had it forever. Um Those were good days. You never know how good you have it until you don't have it anymore. Um The couple I just passed has I d had the has a Jeep and a truck, and both are the exact same shade of green, and I can't decide if that's adorable or creepy.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:26

Oh, what was I oh yeah, bunch of limbs fell. Lots of people lost power. Thankfully we did not.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:34

Um at one point this week the the the the boys bungee got out and I rode to I don't know, at least 1.4, but probably closer to two miles. The only reason I know that about the 1.4 is I was in red granite on a bike and I looked at my phone trying to track them, but air tags are fucking useless unless you're next to them for some fucking reason. Um they're like, get closer. Uh what is the point of a tracking device if I have to be fucking touching them? But I looked at the phone and they're like, yeah, the tag was last pinged in this area, 0.7 miles away, and it was the house, and I'm like, alright, whatever. So I did at least 1.4 miles on a bike, not counting the walk I had taken earlier in the day. I believe this was Wednesday or Tuesday or something. No, it would have been too. I don't know. My sense of time is so fucked up. I don't know when anything happened ever. I know things that happened, but if you asked me the day, I probably couldn't tell you. I I also frequently forget how old I am.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:46

Cause I just don't care, you know?

SPEAKER_01 1:10:49

Like, are you 28? Are you 29? Are you 30? Uh they all feel pretty much the same. I mean, I'm not too I'm not two of them yet, I think I'm 28. But 28 felt a lot like 27, and I can't imagine 29 will feel much different. I mean, 30 is apparently where everything goes to shit, but whatever. Um But see, that's just the thing. I have done so many episodes of the of this podcast that I I honestly think I've talked about everything that I'm ready to talk that I'm able to talk about, because I was gonna start bitching about something. And then I thought I'm almost positive I've bitched about that before, and I'm trying to get over the whole re bitching thing. Um I I am publishing a a new book. It's a second collection of stories and stuff. It uh I'm also thinking about trying to do some actual like fairs and like craft fairs and book fairs and stuff. I have to mail out a um what's the word? Application. I have to mail the application to be a vendor in West Virginia. Um but if I get accepted, Joni said she'd it'd be cool to go. I mean, if n even if I don't sell any books or anything, um Joni said that or I was telling Joni that it's a giant used book fair, so oh fuck it, why not? There are closer ones, but like like there's one in Indiana that if I got accepted to would be the longest day of my life because in order to make it, I could do it all in one day, you know, to save the expense of a hotel room. But it would be 3 a.m. I'd have to get up and get on the road. Um to in order to get there. I'd have to be on the road at 3 o'clock in the morning in order to get there by 5 or by 8. And then um set up and everything. And then the event is like 9 to 5 or 8 to 5. I think it's 9 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. And they say you have to staff it the whole time. So that's great. And then it's um maybe it's nine to three. And then at three, if I had that's what it was, it's nine to three, and then if I would ha I would have to head right back home, and I'd so it'd be a 3 a.m. to 8 p.m. day, which yes, I know there are blue-collar workers and stuff. It's like, well, motherfucker asked for my whole day. I just I get up in the midnight and I don't go to bed till one a.m. Whatever. And those guys are awesome, but quit bragging about how long you work. Uh like I good for you. I I'm glad and I appreciate the work you do. Stop bragging like it makes you more of a man to not sleep. That that leads into a whole other thing about how the internet and society in general are they glorify who sleeps the least. And it's just like, for fuck's sake, dude. That's not impressive. The fact that you can't get enough sleep is not impressive. Um, oh, the fact that you choose not to get enough sleep i i is stupid. Like I I have researched heavily and even experimented with some polyphasic sleep schedules. FYI, according to science, they're all bullshit. But then again, I've probably bitched about that. But I think I think it would be cool. Part of me thinks that, you know, it's a huge expense and everything, and that you know, all the the odds against me selling any books are very low. But, you know, it might be fun to do something, you know. Even if because I you know I I publish under a pen name and everything, so I tried to keep them separate and it's adorable. Like, I really appreciate it, but I was like, don't tell anybody my real name, I want to keep them separate and everything. And then two days at like the day my my book came out under my first book came out under that name, my dad was on Facebook, like, my son, whose real name is this, he published under this pretend name. Go check it out. And at first I was like, Oh, for fuck's sake, dad, but it was actually it was really sweet that my dad was bragging about me, because in all honesty, I haven't given him a lot to brag about, if you know what I'm saying. But uh, this will be the fourth book that I have published. At least the fourth book I've published doesn't look like shit. I published some other ones where I tried to do everything by myself, but I have a formatter who turns my typewriter pages into actual, like, good-looking um pages and makes it look like a book. And that woman is worth every penny that I pay her. Um my books did, in fact, look like shit beforehand. And they are now out of print, like I have taken them off off Amazon, so if you find one of them, pfft good for you, I guess. I mean, good for you that you found something that, you know, there aren't any more of, and unless someone hacks my Amazon account, won't be any more of. But bad for you that the book looks like crap. And that's something else that I I have wanted to I I've wondered about because I kinda wish that I could do editions of my books. Because the print on demand service is fantastic, right? It's great. I just I think it's close. I have some first editions of books that I loved as a kid, and I still have them, and I still love them. And but and with print on demand, you don't you don't really do that, you know? It's uh Your book is available until you don't want it to be available again. And I've been watching these these things about like rare books and old books, and I love how cool they are. And it kind of makes me sad that I don't I I I I don't have that, but I also don't have a fan base where it would be feasible to do that. Because like it would be really, really cool for going forward to do like a hardback release where I publish, you know, five hundred copies, a thousand copies, whatever, and then I work hard and I sell them all, and then if more people want them, then I put it on on Amazon and uh Ingram Spark as like the the paperback book, and it's like the paperback book is printed forever, you know. Because I've heard they I heard heard about them getting rid of mass market paperbacks, and I may have mentioned this in one of the other episodes that is on this recorder that I didn't publish, but I don't remember. And it's a shame, because I have many mass market paperbacks. I love them, they were always cheap, but nothing's cheap anymore. And like I heard this thing, I read I read this thing on Reddit where a librarian said that for years and years mass market paperbacks were worth it even though they were cheap and would get beat up really easily, because they sold for like ten bucks, but libraries could get them from between four and seven dollars. And that was great, because then you could just you could very cheaply buy a bunch of books for people. And I think that that's dope, but she's like in recent years the quality has not gone up, but it they're now like nine to twelve dollars um for uh for the library. I I my numbers might be slightly off, but it was in that area, like it had gotten significantly more expensive. And I looked into publishing them and everything, and it was honestly not that much more in some cases the exact same as publishing the higher quality, like trade paperback size. So it's like it sucks. But there's a reason, you know. I I am always uh sad to see uh something from the past die. Especially when it falls to what I consider inferior. Like I I can't stand ebooks. I tried them when they first came out and first started being a thing, and they suck. Just couldn't get with it. Um maybe. I don't know. Um sorry, had a thought that is inappropriate to share on the air. Or online or whatever you call this. Um but I was think I was passing Walmart in Berlin and I was thinking about something, but that would involve if I said it out loud, it would involve personal information. So seeing them die sucks. I think it would be cool if my I had a business of book vending machines. But they are so expensive. It's five grand to get a book vending machine, and that does not include stocking it with my books. I don't have enough books to fill it up, like it would be like twenty grand. Yeah. To get three machines and put um and stock them with books would be like twenty grand. And that is not including the price of, you know, finding somewhere to put them and everything. That would be so fucking cool to have my book books and vending machines and you know, go like go to an airport or something and check out and to restock and be like, oh well damn, that sold well. But I pay to have every book published. Which makes sense because I am also my own publisher, and I've also published someone else's book. But it's exha- and but I then that's part of why I think going to fairs and stuff would be cool, is because you know, even if I uh I had this thought where it was like if I have my books there and I I get bored and I want to go look at other people's books and stuff and I come back and they've all been stolen. I yeah, I'm out money that I didn't expect to make anyway, but a whole bunch of people are either going to give away or sell my books, and you know, still getting my name out there. This is mostly a a hobby because and I am I I am gonna tell you right now, okay, I'm gonna tell you two things. First of all, little tangent that has been bothering me online lately. If you are using AI to write, you are not a writer, okay? You wrote nothing, you are not creative, you did not do anything, you're just a fucking loser. You don't have to stay a loser. Put the fucking AI bullshit away and start writing your own shit. Then how to loser. It doesn't matter i i if your shit sucks as long as you wrote it. But it's like people saying, I'm real good at backing up a trailer, or I'm real good at backing up in parallel parking when they've got a smart car that does it for them. You didn't do fuck, you didn't do dick, man. You're you're it's like I I'm much smarter than Isaac Newton. No, you're not. No, your phone is, but you are dumb as shit. Okay. I would r uh would have more respect for somebody. Not that my respect is you know means anything, but if this is this whole podcast, this is my opinions. You're not creative, you're not a writer, you're nothing if you use if you just type, hey, chat GP, chat GPT, write me a gay hockey book, please. You didn't do anything. You're just a fucking loser publishing garbage. Now, you open your computer or you're get on a typewriter or a word pro like whatever your chosen medium is, and you type the longest, dumbest fucking gay hockey book, and it's bad, but you s you know you can slowly improve it, or maybe you publish it bad. I've published bad shit before. You are a real fucking writer if you publish a bad book you wrote yourself versus an equally bad book published by AI. Because you it's not good. Like it's not a creative tool. It's just cheating and it's like they created a tool for uncreative people to pretend that they get to be creative. It it does nothing. And it's just I mean, I instantly I loved that that Ted show. Wouldn't watch another one, I won't watch another episode. I didn't even finish the show because the fucking AI built Clinton pissed me off. Um sorry, that was a huge tangent. I actually forgot what my original fucking point was. Pretty sure it was down here. Um I gotta get out of here. Um, I mean, I'm not sorry for that opinion, because I stand by that and I tell that to you to your face. But um my other point was you are not a professional writer unless someone is paying for for your work. That is literally the definition of professional. Okay? So guess what? Um I don't think I would technically qualify because yes, people have paid me for my hmm. I would say I qualify as amateur, maybe, but I don't know. Because I'm not making a living at it, but I have I like in the last nine years, ha I have made like 60 bucks. So, not technically a professional, but if you are not making money off of it, you're not a professional. And guess what? That's okay. That's totally fine. It's all good. It's great. Nobody cares if you're a professional, okay? If you've got a book that you that you want to write, put it online. Maybe it sales, maybe it doesn't, but as long as you wrote it yourself, okay? Because it's difficult to write a fucking book, man. If you can do it, you can be proud of that. Absolutely 100%, regardless of how anybody else fucking feels. As long as you wrote it and not your computer. I I don't know if I can go because I've been distracted talking on this fucking thing. The light is still technically, I'm gonna go. And I see no cops. Must have been I! I don't know. Um, I've gone through like the math and everything, but the ultimate thing is I'm not gonna make money. Um, going to a convention. It's just mostly for fun. In fact, I'll probably lose money because there's no chance I don't buy a bunch of books while I'm there. I just passed a car that's the same one I'm driving, and for half a second I thought, hey, I bet that's Joni. Joni's a different car now. Four minutes ago, I I put something in Joni's new car. I'm driving her old one. Madness in my mind.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:56

My mind is madness.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:00

I'm at twenty minutes, so. Ugh, I'm kind of out of shit to talk about. I might come back later. I don't know. Um, this is like week four or five of me forgetting to fucking um upload any of the podcasts that I've been recording. So there's a good chance this one came out as one giant month and a half long disjointed mess. Probably still if I can ever fucking remember to take the recorder with the memory card inside, I'll probably still post it. Um A big part of the reason that I we have not uploaded anything uh in in a while is some shit happened, so the studio that we were were recording in got moved and all the st all the equipment came down s to the base. And then we have a game room now that's upstairs. But we also have dogs and and you know, and it's not a good idea to leave a bunch of chords lying around for them just so you know, haul and stuff over the hand recorder is really the only thing I've recorded on in probably six months. Um but the other part is I just kind of run out of shit to say, you know? Um I'm not all that interesting, which I'm sure I will have mentioned at least six or seven times on this podcast. Uh there's one clip where I talk about the fact that I can't I don't believe God is a cunt, and I d I don't know if I'm gonna put that one on here. Um, because I got a little excited. Probably will, but we never know. I gotta drive through Berlin today from Red Granite, because uh 21 is closed from Omroda Oshkosh. I don't know what the hell they're doing, but I'm sure it's stupid.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:02

Oh, cool.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:05

Station wagon from like the 50s. I love a station wagon. I love it. Um I, uh what was I gonna oh I we're I'm trying to get into a few different book fairs and things, which I think I mentioned earlier. Uh um. And so I've been paying more attention to to the actual printing of my books. And I ordered a a copy of The Gathering Place, and it instantly fell apart. Like the cover tore almost off the spine when I came when I opened it, and uh the spine cracked down the middle and started showing like it was gonna turn to to like just bits of paper. And I'm trying to try to figure out if that's just a one-time fuck up on KDP, Kindle Direct Public, Amazon printers, basically. Um trying to figure out if that was just a one-time fuck up on Amazon's part or if it's like indicative of them going downhill. And part of me, uh like I'm a huge perfectionist, so part of me has had to learn to to the little things that bother me. Like the chapter headings in one book versus another not being the same, stuff like that. It's like I d I genuinely don't I don't think anybody but me is gonna care. And uh that and and and it's expensive to fucking change it. So just grow up and shut up. And that see, that is the part of being autistic that I don't think enough parents or just people in general focus on. They they have this idea nowadays that it's the world's job to cater to your mental illness or disability or whatever you want to call it. I'm not calling it differently abled or saying autism's not an illness. Well, I have it, and sometimes it uh it you know it affects my life, so yeah, it fucking is. I got an argument with a somebody online who tried to tell me that being deaf or blind isn't a an a disability. Yeah, it is if it's covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act, it's a fucking disability. If you have ever in your life gotten special treatment or alternative treatment during something, it's a disability. Guess what? So is being in a wheelchair. Assuming you need to be there. If you're just fat and don't want to walk around, like the scooter people at Walmart who are like, yeah, I don't need the wheelchair, I'm just fat and lazy. Yeah, fuck those people. But I'm talking about people who genuinely cannot walk or cannot walk for very long. Cause a lot of people seem to have an issue with those people who like they'll see them walk out of the car, get their wheelchair out, and then sit in it and go, and they're like, You're not really disabled. Okay, I tell you what, I'm gonna grab a baseball bat, I'm gonna hit you in the fucking knee twice. Then I'm going to hit you twice in the knee the other way, so that it's technically fine and back in place, but it hurts a lot. And now, you walk more than 10 feet without wincing, okay? That's a very bad example, but it's it it's a you know, it's a dramatic example to prove. Just because they can walk a little bit doesn't mean that they can walk all the way around Walmart or the mall or into work or wherever the fuck they're going. There is a huge difference in the 12 feet from the driver's side uh to the back of the car to get the wheelchair out than 12 miles over the course of the day. Um. What the fuck? Oh, but these people who are like, autism, it it doesn't need to be cured. It doesn't I I don't know that it's a cure kind of a thing, because it it goes back to that whole neurodivergent bullshit, where it originally started out as a um excuse me, very gassy today. Lots of burps. Um it neurodivergent are really started out originally started out as a theory that said that there is no such thing as a normal brain. So you can't be abnormal in the way of, oh, I process information differently. Literally everyone else does, says this theory. Um, when they say, you know, your brain is abnormal under the neurodivergent theory, what it means is like you have a tumor or something like that. I read the paper. Or I read this summary that was in Stupid People Speak. I can't remember. I uh it's been like two or three years. I want to say I read the real real paper and then had to look up some of the big words, because I'm not a doctor. But see, TikTok and social media got a hold of uh uh of neurodivergent, and it said it's a little bit extra long, like it's a few more letters than divergent from a fucking YA novel, and then they're like, it means I'm special. No, it almost always means you're an asshole. And one second. And it's like depending on the level of autism that you have, it can be debilitating. It is not a superpower, and something that I don't f I feel like not enough de almost no parents, but definitely not enough parents or people who suffer from it, focus on forcing themselves to deal with it. And I'm not saying that you need electroshock therapy or to get hit for being autistic or whatever, like you did in the 50s. But uh, okay, let me think of an example. Okay, I am a good example, right? I have an autistic need to be a perfectionist, and so I I could sit there and go page by page for a 438-page book and criticize the glue that holds the book together, the cover, the format, every single line spacing and thing, and still never be satisfied. Not because the book looks like shit. I pay a woman to format the books very well, and I pay her very well, and she is worth every single fucking penny. And but but but hers the thing here, ready? It's not about that. It's because I'm crazy. And at a certain point, you have to kind of s punch yourself in the thigh and say, you know what, you're fucking moving on. It's okay to be autistic, it's not a bad thing, it doesn't make you a bad person, or doesn't make you a retard, or like you don't belong in public, but it's also not the public's job to cater to you. If you don't like loud spaces, don't fucking go there. Or if you f like have to, grip it and rip it, baby. You've you've gotta learn to fucking deal with your shit. Just literally grip your fucking thigh and try and, you know, focus on that. Or just sit there and I sometimes I'll hit myself in the thigh over something. Force yourself to learn how to deal because it's not other people's job. I think one of the biggest problems in the world is that it has become ever the world's job to cater to each individual person instead of the each individual person trying to cater and deal with the world around them. So my books look great, but I I'm ashamed to say I I I didn't interact with Amazon Kindle's AI. Like I I wasn't asking it questions or treating it like it's anything other than the end of civilization and probably what's gonna kill us all when it pollutes our fucking drinking water. But I had to j I typed speak with human, speak with human, speak with human. And I just I feel like it's gonna chip away, and at a certain point, you there will be no other option. And I'm worried, because I won't be I will not be asking ChatGTP or Rufus or Siri or any other fucking things. I will not be asking them to help me deal with shit. I would rather die. I I am I mean like I've said be on here before, I'm aware that it's a losing battle. They're gonna shove it down our fucking throats uh uh until they've ruined large swaths of land, all of the drinking water, and just because it they think it'll make money, and it does. And the overwhelming number of people, the overwhelming majority of people are completely stupid, and that so they'll go, Oh look, yeah, that means it's smart. And everything will get dumber and shittier, and I I know I'm going to lose, but I will be god good and goddamned if I go down without a fight. I I will not order from a fucking tablet uh at uh at a ri at a fast food joint. If I have pulled away that Taco Bell had a um an AI speaker jigamaju or whatever on as the drive-thru voice, I did fucking ate somewhere else that day. Fuck 'em. I don't give a shit. Fuck you. I I would rather and but and see, that's the I think that's one of the biggest differences between me and people who complain about shit and don't do anything. Is I will do something. Like I have literally I I decided I'm not going to use self-checkout anymore. I'm not doing it. I didn't berate the 16-year-old who is standing there and knows slightly more buttons to push than me. I didn't scream and jerk, you know metaphorically jerk myself off about it. Like, I'm not using it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I went somewhere else. When the um Jackson Street Pick and Save didn't have any actual people working and it was nothing but self-checkout, I put my shit down and I went to a different store. But even though I didn't truly use it, having to press the button and to be able to speak with a human. Speak with a human. It made me feel dirty. I really um alright, on to a topic that's not gonna give me an existential fucking dread all day. Um I'm really excited. I hope I hope to, you know. Joni uh Joni secured a she got a book signing in Appleton in June on the 27th. I don't know where. Um I'm hoping she's gonna tell me. But I'm so excited, it's so cool. I don't even care if nobody shows up, just the fact that I'm it's available there is fucking awesome. And I'm I've applied to a few d uh, I think three or four different book fairs in different places, and it would be so mo cool to actually get to sell books, you know. And just FYI, if you uh s if you see my books out somewhere, they're cheaper in person. Oh shit, cop.