PPP #076: Pre-Party Head Space

Ever walked into a party and felt out of place or unprepared? Well, we're here to lend a hand! We're going to share some of our hard-earned insights on how to choose the right crowd for sex parties, how to read people's cues, and why knowing what you want (and know yourself) is key to making the most of your event. We'll also reveal some practical tips like the importance of a good night's sleep, staying hydrated, and keeping protection handy. And remember, if you're not enjoying the event, it's best not to push yourself.

Now, we understand that attending parties, especially sex parties, can be complex and intimidating. So think of this as your guide to navigating the atmosphere, the attendees, and even your own mindset. So, buckle up for a thrilling, enlightening, and frank conversation about the world of sex parties. Trust us, you won't want to miss this.

Chapters

• 0:12 Party Headspace and Weekend Updates
• 12:25 Strategies for Finding the Right People
• 21:13 Choosing the Right People at Sex Parties
• 32:38 Sex Party Expectations and Mindsets
• 48:31 Navigating Personal Growth and Enjoyment

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:12

Hello and welcome to the Polypocket podcast, the UK Flagship podcast of Polyamorism, CNM, Sex Parties and Race Yundwa.

Speaker 2 0:20

You're welcome.

Speaker 1 0:24

And then deciding who gets to remove it again at some point of the future. Very appropriate. Hello everyone. I'm Hunter. I'm your friend, I think a little bit frisky, but mostly friendly. I'm joined by Butcher Butcher. How are you?

Speaker 2 0:41

I'm very well, thank you.

Speaker 1 0:43

You're very polite, very formal.

Speaker 2 0:44

How very formal. Should I get the football score out the way now? Should I give that update or? Oh no, hang on, I forgot we're not the match of the day podcast Must remind myself.

Speaker 1 0:53

Yes, you really must. What sort of league level do they normally talk about in the match today? Premier Championship. Can you explain verbally what level you play at Low? I mean, you understood the assignment and you nailed it so well done there.

Speaker 2 1:13

Thanks, well done, it was very good.

Speaker 1 1:16

Good Lord. So just okay, audience. Please bear with us. If you really are bored, meet the next 20 seconds. Butcher, how'd you do Well?

Speaker 2 1:27

I actually played, which was a start, and we won 10-2. 10-2 what Dad joke funny.

Speaker 1 1:37

It was a grand dad joke. But it was very good. Yes, well done, congratulations.

Speaker 2 1:43

Merci beaucoup.

Speaker 1 1:45

Yes, fine, this week we are going to be talking about party headspace.

Speaker 2 1:51

We are or pre-party headspace specifically.

Speaker 1 1:56

But before we do, we have this week's daily instalments.

Speaker 2 2:00

No this week's instalments, I don't know, because it kind of is this week's instalments of polyfiller. So, yes, so where do we start? I feel like we were supposed to have something on Thursday. You got something tomorrow. That's Thursday. Maybe that's what I'm getting confused. Oh yeah, hang on. The kids had a Halloween party on Thursday, didn't they? Yes, which is a bit wild. There's no polyfiller. No, it's not. That's chaos. It was chaos, and I'm surprised the house actually has gone back to its kind of standard cleanliness anyway.

Speaker 1 2:36

In one of our other, like recurring themes, there was again a lot of cake. There was a lot of cake. Have we just finished the?

Speaker 2 2:43

last of the cake. No, I put probably about I don't know how much of that cake in the freezer, but there was basically a whole drawer of cake in the freezer.

Speaker 1 2:54

We made a cake we did about a stone. You'd think a bunch of like five year olds would demolish it, but no, they didn't. Disappointing.

Speaker 2 3:02

No, I know, and a football team as well. They weren't as on it as I thought they would be. But there we go. Not because it wasn't good cake, I think, just because there was a lot of sorry fiddling with my mic, just fiddling generally, just fiddling generally.

Speaker 1 3:21

How's your being at Great, just the silence there. Quick, quick fill it in. Yeah, the silence not anyway.

Speaker 2 3:32

So Friday night we were supposed to have a date with another couple who are hot and funny and hilarious. Oh God, damn it, damn it. We've just had our second bowl of soup from the batch I've just made and we forgot to do sexy photos of it. It's a centre for the picture.

Speaker 1 3:54

Yes, I know the whole sexy soup photo, dear listener. There is a picture out there of Butcher having sushi eat an offer. It is very sexy. This couple, in retaliatory comedy excellence, sent us a photograph of sexy soup eating. I have never considered soup a sexy food to eat, mostly because of logistics and possibly the risk of scalding.

Speaker 2 4:20

Maybe a few crumbs if you add the toast.

Speaker 1 4:23

Where is the last crouton? But in all fairness, you have to work with the materials you've got, and the materials they've got are excellent, and so even soup worked out very well.

Speaker 2 4:34

Could you turn yourself down slightly? It feels like you're absolutely hammering in my ears.

Speaker 1 4:42

Is that better?

Speaker 2 4:44

Yes, thank you.

Speaker 1 4:45

Cool, you have to turn down. You can turn down the headphones.

Speaker 2 4:48

Thank you and the microphone. Thank you for the mid podcast lesson. That's fine.

Speaker 1 4:53

So, dear listener, if you'd like to know more about podcasting, tell us.

Speaker 2 4:56

I think that's why my ear hurt last week.

Speaker 1 4:59

What you think hurt your ear.

Speaker 2 5:01

Yeah, jabbering on in the headset, anyway. So sadly we're trying to avoid agency with only a little crapping.

Speaker 1 5:09

I think it just stays as we do it probably is yeah, just for brevity's reasons.

Speaker 2 5:13

So yes, so they bailed for very legitimate reasons.

Speaker 1 5:18

He says I'm a hoot.

Speaker 2 5:20

I don't know why he'd not want to spend an evening with me.

Speaker 1 5:25

Am I allowed to weed into that?

Speaker 2 5:27

No, you are not.

Speaker 1 5:29

My mum thinks you're a delight. No, that's your aunt. Oh sorry, my mum just punches you in the arm.

Speaker 2 5:34

Your mum definitely doesn't think I'm a delight.

Speaker 1 5:36

My mum knows better, that's why.

Speaker 2 5:39

So yeah, sadly they had some horrific virus and had to bail, and we're all very, very sad about it because it was going to be just drinks, but I think we would have got on well.

Speaker 1 5:51

I've already promised myself that they need to get on the podcast because they're so funny to talk to. If that happens, you will find out where he is from. He's not from England. I won't say where he's from, but the funny thing is his accent. As he got iller and more ill probably the better thing his accent became so strong. It was sad for him, it was sad for us, but also genuinely hilarious.

Speaker 2 6:18

It was very entertaining, so we consoled ourselves by going back the next day going back, Going back boo. The next day by going to see old friends, friends that we haven't mentioned properly for a while on this podcast.

Speaker 1 6:36

Can you just say it makes you sound like they were the consolation prize. We had plans to see them anyway.

Speaker 2 6:41

We didn't just go. Oh, Silver Fox easily brews. We've been fobbed off by some fit couple. Could you come give us a blowjob and a bit of a squirting session, please? Thanks very much, Bye.

Speaker 1 6:54

And they said, yes, so that's building the gaps there literally in your case, but it was really excellent.

Speaker 2 7:05

Yeah, it was all just very wholesome.

Speaker 1 7:09

Very good, yeah, we ate, we drank, we caught up and then we had fun.

Speaker 2 7:15

God, they make some delicious food. He does dinner and she does breakfast, and we had her silky eggs again, god. Between the pair of them, I mean how they're both as fit and healthy as they are, because Country air, they live off the land, don't they?

Speaker 1 7:35

They do.

Speaker 2 7:36

So yeah, so we use the word wholesome because we know how much they love it when we describe them as wholesome.

Speaker 1 7:43

The irony is layered on very thickly there.

Speaker 2 7:47

I think she was like I'm not wholesome. How dare you call me wholesome?

Speaker 1 7:52

She did say it as well. She was naked, I think, because I was just eating for a year. I can't remember.

Speaker 2 7:57

It was at some stage. Yes, we had a wonderful time. And then the next day, one ten two at football. So good weekend, good weekend, Good weekend all around, yes, and we've got some things coming up over the next couple of weeks.

Speaker 1 8:14

Yeah, you have a meet with a vendor.

Speaker 2 8:21

I have a date you have a date.

Speaker 1 8:24

You have a date with a lady, a lady, a lady who is I don't have words, really. She appears to be glorious.

Speaker 2 8:38

That's one word I've used to describe her several times already. Yes, I agree.

Speaker 1 8:43

But that'll be your first time actually meeting her in the flesh.

Speaker 2 8:47

Yes, weirdly I had a contract close to Sorry. I had a client in contract close to where she lives and that's how I ended up reaching out to them on WaxUp was because I was in the area.

Speaker 2 9:07

You're nearby, so I'll tell you it was your nearby. Should we go for a drink? And we were going to, we were trying to make it work and then, just with the hours, and I was supposed to see a friend and then I didn't, and then I did, and it's up there, the next week it's put into the category of logistics.

Speaker 2 9:27

Yes, exactly, the logistics did not come together. However, this feels like it's happening as it should, as all great things should. So I say that this side of the date, I'm hoping by this time next week when we record the- oh, to trade rack.

Speaker 1 9:43

It's coming your way what she doesn't make it yet she has no idea what she's getting into. Thanks for that. Sorry, I'm here for her.

Speaker 2 9:53

You're such a soldier. What would we do without you? Wax would be nothing without you.

Speaker 1 10:00

Given how much I interact on it. Minutes, yes, exactly. So that's planned. I'm seeing Lady Vee next week, you are?

Speaker 2 10:13

And then we've got a date that we're both going on with a single lady, oh, single lady. Oh, yes, of course, just another vanilla date.

Speaker 1 10:23

Just another one.

Speaker 2 10:24

She's on the doorstep and she reached out and she, for all intents and purposes, seems like someone we've had screwed on as well. Yeah, so it's always good to connect. I can't remember what phone company it was that had that particular strap line, but it's good to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

Speaker 1 10:42

There we go, there you go. So that's an ambling walk through the fields of Polyfilla, indeed With arguably with reference to Mrs Polyfilla herself Easily bruised, easily bruised Runt lives in a house that needs a lot of work doing to it, and so she has shares in Polyfilla, because the amount that that thing is held together was.

Speaker 2 11:06

It definitely seems like she's applied more Polyfilla, since we asked yeah.

Speaker 1 11:10

The fact that it's a great tea-listed building is kind of entertaining, because I'm sure you're meant to be more select about the materials you use, but apparently Polyfilla over Wattle and Dorbing is the way to go.

Speaker 2 11:20

It's fine, it's their house.

Speaker 1 11:23

Yeah, they can do the other one.

Speaker 2 11:24

What did you do with my tea?

Speaker 1 11:26

What did you do with your tea? It's here.

Speaker 2 11:27

Why have you got my tea? Because you left it there when you moved.

Speaker 1 11:35

I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 11:38

Mercy Bookoo, I am actually going to kill you.

Speaker 1 11:44

Onto this week's topic, which is starting to go downhill rapidly, is pre-party, pre-sex party headspace.

Speaker 2 11:54

We You're all my mates, oh no, no, you're not supposed to we on people, sorry.

Speaker 1 12:07

My bad, I'm leaving you to rescue this segment, please proceed.

Speaker 2 12:13

Yes, good luck, I can do it, I'm perfectly capable, thank you.

Speaker 1 12:20

Deal is. I'm going to step away from it.

Strategies for Finding the Right People

Speaker 2 12:21

All right On your bike. So reason why we wanted to stop looking at me.

Speaker 1 12:30

I'm just looking at you.

Speaker 2 12:33

What You're doing that big piercing blue eye, blinky, blinky. I'm so beautiful and gorgeously, painfully handsome what?

Speaker 1 12:45

What's in your tea. No, this is a look of like sheer frustration.

Speaker 2 12:51

Get on with it, okay, so we wanted to talk about this because previously we have struggled.

Speaker 1 13:03

Got the giggles now. Previously, we've struggled at some events where we need to get into a you've. Basically, we have not been in the right headspace for the event that we've attended. Yes, I think most recently, the summer ball was a great example.

Speaker 2 13:20

Yeah, that's another one. Country mansion wasn't a great one for us. I'm trying to think, probably the first ever TG that you and I did together.

Speaker 1 13:29

Yeah.

Speaker 2 13:32

I think that's, that's most it, that's most it All the others.

Speaker 1 13:36

The first sex party we went to.

Speaker 2 13:38

We were in the right headspace. Yeah, we were in the wrong place, yeah. Very, very good point, if we'd gone to an actual sex party, or if we'd gone to an actual club, we probably would have been all right.

Speaker 1 13:48

Yeah, I think it's three bed in.

Speaker 2 13:49

Bournemouth Does the job for you. I mean, if it had been a clean three bed in Bournemouth it would have been a good start.

Speaker 1 13:55

But I start.

Speaker 2 13:58

And we've thought about this numerous times and discussed it, so we think we have picked apart where those particular situations fell down. There was another bunny's birthday party. We weren't not that that was specifically a sex party, but it was always going that way and you know we just weren't In the right headspace.

Speaker 1 14:25

We weren't in the right headspace and there's all different. There's a common theme through all of those kids not just kids, but also expectations.

Speaker 2 14:40

Yes, okay, let's start with that. Then that's unpack that particular one.

Speaker 1 14:46

So it's it's. It's hard to do in retrospect, but there was an expectation, I think, in three of the four events that sex would happen, which is a stupid thing to say about sex party and sex party, jason thinks, which is kind of. That's the point, but it was. It didn't really feel like we were the ones calling the shots. It was sex at any cost, not sex that you want to have with people that you like or that I would say for a proportion of those ones that we've called out, yes.

Speaker 2 15:29

Then on the flip side is that we've had situations where we've kind of gone and bit in the bullet and gone. I'm going to approach this person or this person's giving me the vibes, I'm going to go and try and make it happen and all of a sudden the person from half an hour ago is not the person that they were. When you tap them on the shoulder and say, hey, would you like to?

Speaker 1 15:58

Yeah, getting blanked by someone who, like gives every sorry, you know what? I realized. We should actually treat these things separately because there's actually more differences between them. So the one you just described was someone seemed to be giving all the signals that are very much on board with something happening, but a play, but a fun. And then when the opportunity arose, blank to you, does that one.

Speaker 2 16:19

Literally blank to me. I tapped them on the shoulder and after weeks of them texting me you know being very, very interested just didn't even flinch, yeah which is strange.

Speaker 1 16:34

It was strange. There's another one which is a new environment. Very, this is TG first time around for you, Second time around for me and we've talked to us on before. But very much you thought it was being a six party fetish or all the fetish party with sex. I think that and you have reasons for having that headspace and the people we were with were very much on board with the idea of the sex thing and I was like you have to do it. It was like you don't have to do it, but we was just very strongly encouraged to set kind of caused a bit of friction there.

Speaker 2 17:15

Yeah, and then I think the other one is and I'm sorry for anybody who's new this is just part of the journey that you have to go on. What it is versus what you think it is are potentially two very different things. Now, our first sex party was a very extreme example of that. I mean, if you go to a KK party or something of that ilk, it's probably more in keeping with what you imagine it to be, rather than a filthy three bed in the doge into town in Bournemouth After being told it was an opulent location and paying 200 quid to go.

Speaker 2 17:57

Anyway, minor like bitterness aside and the fact that sometimes, for two very intelligent people, we can be really fucking dumb.

Speaker 1 18:07

Only two, three times an hour.

Speaker 2 18:13

Yeah, you kind of. There is just the expectation, so I'm going to dial it back a bit and go in order to get into your pre party headspace. It's about making sure that you are, as much as you possibly can be, with the right people for that event, would you say.

Speaker 1 18:33

Yeah.

Speaker 2 18:34

Yeah, so this time around, for example, silver Fox and Easily Brews are coming to us and the four of us are attending not as a four, but we're doing the pre drinks. They're staying, we're going to catch up with them as friends. So, regardless, we know we will have a nice time because we're with them.

Speaker 1 19:01

And we've also got pretty decent odds of good breakfast the next day or in our house If we get her to make the eggs. Yes, you think I did it.

Speaker 2 19:12

Don't ever think it no, not ever thinking it.

Speaker 1 19:15

But, yeah, picking your right people how do you find your right people? We're lucky. We've known them for a while now and I've got a different angle on what I'll take on this. When I go into the right people, I have mixed feelings at what I'm going to say. So this is like a test. It's a bit of a developing thought process. The chat groups around, in particular the one we've got coming up we've got a birthday ball coming up. It's a wax KK party.

Speaker 2 19:51

It's located, we believe very relatively close to where we live.

Speaker 1 19:57

So it's going to make our transport situation, a hotel situation, really easy, which is lovely.

Speaker 2 20:01

West comes to the West. Pack your trainers.

Speaker 1 20:05

Alright, don't just do. You know what you're thinking about. I'm not going to run to the party and then go. You want to sex with me? I was more hot and sweaty before anything actually happens. But we've gone to a few parties network. You know. We're going to a few parties and there's the pre-party chat.

Speaker 1 20:26

This kind of goes into what you're saying about some of all, which is you can chat to somebody, you could look at the photographs, you could have a rapport with someone over an app before you meet them and this is something lady V and I were talking about the other day, which is doesn't really matter. Until you meet somebody, you have no idea if you're gonna like them or not. So there's a little bit of what you're saying which is how do you go with the right people? I mean, if you're going with people anyway, then you've kind of got your basis covered, but you want to find people to meet there or go with. You just gonna have this actually fairly generalized human interaction problem, which is how do you know if you like someone before you meet them? And the answer is you don't.

Choosing the Right People at Sex Parties

Speaker 2 21:12

You know what? I was several steps along there again, and whilst I mentioned new people, new to it, I kind of forgot that ultimately, yeah, you don't turn up as a group, do you? So I was thinking more for the fact that if, even though we're two people with a relative level of experience now, we still don't always get it right. So when I say picking your people, I'm actually referring more to people with experience that you get good at knowing who is worth going with or who you want to go with. And I'm very much in a headspace now where I don't really want to go with anybody who's not been before, because I don't want to carry anybody. I know that's probably quite mean, but I don't get to do these things very often and we've been in situations where we've had to carry people and I just want to go and have fun.

Speaker 1 22:12

I do get that up to a point. I think there's, if you can again, it's math I'm gonna do it like if, if you have a bunch of experienced people let's say you have four experienced couples and one newer couple, that's fine because you can kind of share that load a little bit. If you are brand new and going with someone else brand new, then you can all like if I could have together, because that's probably gonna happen.

Speaker 1 22:43

But if you're experienced couple going with the new couple, there is gonna be that carrying factor. Isn't that about? It keeps using couples hasn't got to be that way. Yeah, getting all the other permutations all applies. It's just like the ratio of new hand to old hand, doesn't it? I don't know the right number is, but I'm gonna put in like a three to one or four to one ratio is probably the right one to go for, but if you can do it, and it's I get.

Speaker 2 23:07

It is sounds incredibly harsh and, yeah, I've heard other podcasts or influences within the poly space who talk about this on a poly level where they won't date someone new to polyamory because they have been that person who tried to date, experienced polyamorous and got turned down.

Speaker 2 23:27

And now three, four, five years down the line, they understand why so. But for me that's slightly. That's a different use case because I feel like if people are showing up with honesty and integrity, you know if you're looking for a relationship there's more to work with, rather than the six-hour window fair point, however, bring back to the party specifically and they go out where we went to all clubs versus parties.

Speaker 1 23:57

We did fatten mcgarner, you've done another one as well and you don't need the chat group to find your people.

Speaker 1 24:09

This is the interesting thing, I think. I think that the wax community, the KK parties, the chat groups are helpful for new people. Yeah, because new people are finding their way, at which point, by all means, go and talk, find people, but get yourself in the headspace of just because you spoke to someone. I think this is the headspace thing. This is what I'm trying to get to. So the office is sort of the, the legwork you have to go through, but the sort of pointers try to get to very roundabout kind of way is the, if you're about to go to party and you've been on the chat group and you think you found your people, you might be wrong yeah it's just a pad.

Speaker 1 24:51

Yeah, he's always have like have your backup plan, or you're like not nothing back up. I keep thinking of like military processes where you have standing orders and you have almost like lines of retreat. So you have a plan a, but if you plan is where you got plan B, plan B, c, plan D, you got contingencies, maybe four different things. So you know, you might chat to a bunch of people and it all seems like it's great. If none of them work out, you can still have a good night minute a K-part, a KK party.

Speaker 1 25:29

Sometimes it can be quite simply, you just don't bump into those people and as well it may be nothing personal, it could be you don't you meet them, you like him. It could be you meet, like him. Could be you never meet them.

Speaker 2 25:40

Yeah, that's happened a bunch of times yeah, but going back to the carrying people thing, mm-hmm, you know, at the end of the day you are going to a sex party now. You're going to be nervous, you're going to be hyped up, you're going to be all these things, but ultimately you are still making the decision. As far as I'm aware, well, part of the teas and seeds is that you shouldn't be being coerced into going there. So ultimately, you mean, I could have said no. You could have said no. Now you find out.

Speaker 2 26:10

But you podcast you effectively. Again. This is a little bit. This is going to sound harsh, but you have to get yourself in the headspace to turn up. And I say that because we have been in the position before where we've not turned up. We've been there in body and not in spirit and no one's going to do it for you. No one's going to say, come on, I'll have all that sex with you, it's just you have to be on your game to understand.

Speaker 2 26:43

Are they interested? Am I presenting myself in a way? Are they presenting themselves in a way, that this is all going to come together?

Speaker 1 26:55

Fine, if you know the cues, know how to read them, know how to respond. What you just said is totally valid. I'm me, so I am dumb as a post when it comes to this stuff, but you're not.

Speaker 1 27:09

There's a noise to me, no no, no, no, I'm not anymore, but I used to be. I used to be unable to read people's signs and signals. That's going to include some people listening to this. They can have no idea that that look is leave me alone versus yeah, let's talk and I. There is no simple rule. You're just going to have to try.

Speaker 2 27:37

But that's what I mean. You have to try, yeah, but you have to be ready and prepared For it to work and not work.

Speaker 1 27:44

Which?

Speaker 2 27:44

is what.

Speaker 1 27:45

I say about, like, have a think about what you're operating procedures is going to be. So it sounds very like rule based, but it is a chat to someone. You ask you, you chat, do you get on Well? You ask the question when you opportunity arises and be prepared for the answer to be yes or no. And he says yes, do something about it, Don't just carry on talking If the answer is no. So thanks very much and move on.

Speaker 2 28:10

So I guess we're coming at this from the angle of a couple, so we can, and that's really only the experiences that we've had, regardless of whether we've gone with other people, because you went with Bunny's TG a long time ago now. I've been with one of my partners to a club and you know. So ultimately you're still full of purpose as a couple, right. So I don't know how it is from a singles perspective. It could be very different. But I found one of the things with Fatima Ghana. We kind of went beyond our traffic like system and it was just like we had a very clear conversation before going in, which is, if there's any inkling of this isn't for me, we politely move on.

Speaker 1 29:00

But actually we went a little step further, which was we haven't we had a very rational conversation, because weirdly it does, and it was we haven't got a lot of time. There is no chat group with no idea who's turning up, meet people and then decide quickly. It was that, it was, don't you? Oh, it was like that person in the queue about the Dutch being not rude, but being very straightforward.

Speaker 2 29:26

It wasn't in the queue, it's over the glass of wine, and this is why I bring it up is because she was absolutely breathtaking. In a way, I've never seen anybody that looked like this woman and I'm not sure if I ever will again. Just from circumstance, like how often do you meet someone from that part of the world when you live where we live, right?

Speaker 1 29:47

I've always been a little bit disappointed by the decision we made, but it was the right decision to make.

Speaker 2 29:51

Her husband or partner looked older than my dad. Yeah, I checked out. I checked out. We didn't ask, but they made it quite clear that they played together and for me, whilst I did end up playing with an older person and he was part of the couple that we then went on to see the next day he really didn't look his age at all.

Speaker 1 30:20

Yeah, I guess All right.

Speaker 2 30:22

But also what's very mature and you know, just had a lot about him so. But this guy looked older and you know we've talked about before the difficulties I have with age gaps because my parents are very, very, very young. Yeah, you know, my parents are well, my mum is 10 years older than you and I am nine years younger than you, yeah, so that kind of gives people an indication.

Speaker 1 30:54

Yeah, the maths in our family gets all kind of complicated.

Speaker 2 30:58

That aside.

Speaker 1 31:00

But it was so you would get a getting there, but it was the. The traffic light system is in place, but decide, but it's like quickly move on because you've got a lot of time. You got like, say, you've got six hours. You're effectively going to speed the date your way from meeting someone, deciding if you're interested, working out if they're interested in you, possibly playing doing all that, and then, if you're lucky, maybe doing it a couple more times in the same evening, which is all to ask.

Speaker 2 31:34

Which is actually how. If I take Fatima Ghana as an example how that then progressed. So we went upstairs, we started playing. This is like the bullet pointed version of the night. Went upstairs, started playing, got joined by couple, played as a four, went downstairs, got talking to another couple who then were like oh so you've already played tonight. Yes, excellent, we're new to this. Can we jump on your wagon Basically?

Speaker 1 32:00

And it was like you know what, figuratively speaking, figuratively speaking, and we were like you know what?

Speaker 2 32:05

why not? Because they are new people carrying themselves in this situation. They're like you know what you've played? I want to play with you. Can I play with you? Yes, you can. Yes, you can, let's go.

Speaker 1 32:18

And then turn it to nine way fun games. But if you hadn't gone that way, it would mean like thanks for the nice, thanks, move on and then go and find sinuses. That's absolutely fine. You, you should care about those feelings, but you shouldn't like getting your own way about it all.

Sex Party Expectations and Mindsets

Speaker 2 32:35

Not in a six hour window. Thanks, ali. And this is where, obviously, going back to that chat group thing, kk and Wax provides an incredible community, but it once you start finding people within your community, you have to be quite thoughtful about how people interact with one another and how you doing something with one person might impact another, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Speaker 1 32:59

Yeah.

Speaker 2 33:00

Whereas with Fatima Ghana, it's okay. We're a group of people. I have no idea who anybody is. Let's go.

Speaker 1 33:07

That's like happy path. Then there's the unhappy path. So we've had that as well, where we've gone to an event, we've done the pre-party chat, we've done all of the things that you think you should be doing, and then we got to the event and the whatever you want to call it. I'm just going to call it the vibe check.

Speaker 2 33:31

Didn't go well. Yeah, the people we been talking to even at pre-drinks, Even at the social previously because we'd done a social where we'd met some of these people.

Speaker 1 33:42

And then we got to the event and suddenly it's like a flick of a switch. It was very weird, because you and I found a corner, did, uh, thanks to the same thing we did to Fatima Ghana and Fatima Ghana was what I'd call a raging success. And this was found a quiet corner as people are getting warmed up and it's like, well, we're very comfortable having sex with each other in front of other people, not in a purely exhibitionist way, but not entirely, not that.

Speaker 1 34:04

But, we started having sex and people walked past and they ignored us. Everybody did in a weird like disregarding kind of way.

Speaker 1 34:15

I was like, okay, well, you know, if no one's gonna, not not that I require people to watch but, it was almost like we weren't there yeah exactly that and it just, if I'm being, my read of it was that it was a bunch of neat people who didn't know how to handle the situation and so avoided it and by the time, and then just us off on the wrong path, and then we couldn't find people we wanted to find and we found people we didn't want to find and after what? Two hours we like we just checked out and just left.

Speaker 2 34:54

And it wasn't.

Speaker 1 34:55

Where we were in. It happened really quickly.

Speaker 2 34:58

Yeah and this is an interesting one this party coming up, because there's lots of different people going. There are people that we adore, there are people who would Probably not spit on us if we're on fire. You know, there's lots of different people going, yeah, and you kind of just have to go. You know what? I'm just Going to rise above that, yeah, both good and bad, and just go in with a fresh head. Yeah, that's it, and I think that comes down to logistics. You know, we, we always talk about this sort of being more our experience, rather than preaching. But do try and get a good night's sleep, do drink lots of water, do eat a Decent meal, but not too late. Don't get hammered. Don't get hammered. Do clean your teeth, do take your protection.

Speaker 1 35:50

Yeah, yeah, they're all. Actually. It's funny. It's really good to say that because those are a bunch of basics, but I was thinking about the, the drinking one and being blunt, especially the gents. Like, you don't need to have a Skinful to have a good time. In fact you probably won't, so bear that in mind. But the but the other one about like have protection if you think you might need.

Speaker 2 36:19

They do, provide it, they do provide it.

Speaker 1 36:22

If you have a preferred brand of lube, have it, because Turns out, not all sex clubs and sex parties provide the wax ones do, but I still think there was no having it available to hand because condoms the best one the world. They do seem to dry everything up and it gets really fun.

Speaker 2 36:42

And condoms have been known to go wandering a little bit yeah.

Speaker 1 36:45

I'm sorry fish that in the other night club has fun.

Speaker 2 36:50

Yeah, it's bad enough in your partner's living room, or Just I'll just stand up whilst you hook it out to time.

Speaker 1 37:01

We've all been there.

Speaker 2 37:04

Usually with you. Oh, what usually with me, usually with you. I don't know if I know not part from the once that it happened to me. It's me, isn't it? Yes, okay, it's happened to me twice in my whole life. You seem to Regularly have to fish them out to people.

Speaker 1 37:28

That's all for it does it really is. I'm gonna move past this part of the conversation Sorry. It's okay. If it has advice about not losing condoms inside people, then please Damn you.

Speaker 2 37:44

Okay, so right, well yeah, so the yeah so ultimately. So I'm gonna say this if you're really, really, really, really really not feeling it for any reason, don't go.

Speaker 2 37:59

Or leave you or leave or whatever you you do, you I. It's hard with the, particularly with the KK and wax parties, because you book it three months out. You don't know how you're gonna feel on the day and they're expensive and they're expensive. So there is a pressure. But you know, if you're really not, I sound like I'm talking myself out of this it is a bit is no we're going and I think yeah.

Speaker 1 38:24

So just summarize, go the positive mindset, go with a plan and Several other plans for the different things that could happen. We've gone through a lot of the different scenarios but I have like that's very boring work thing. But you know prepared to plan, was it no?

Speaker 2 38:43

Pair to plan, plan to fail. Thank you.

Speaker 1 38:46

I think of the three P's and Probably pocket podcast. Oh no, no, it's peaceful planning, but yeah, if you fail to plan, then your planning is fail. So how you want to go in, let's, let's talk more optimistically. So you want to go with the mindset that you are gonna Be rocking your outfit, you're gonna look good, feel good and you're gonna have fun, and you have all these like yeah. Do you always care?

Speaker 2 39:16

That current.

Speaker 1 39:17

Sorry, I took a big inhalation of breath because you're going to say something over me, right?

Speaker 2 39:21

That's why I stopped myself.

Speaker 1 39:22

Thank you. That's very polite. So you will have this really positive mindset going. You're gonna like just be the shit. You're gonna be like you know hot and amazing and feel all this good energy and You're gonna go in. You're gonna find people who you like and they're gonna like you because of all your good energy. You're not gonna get drunk. You're gonna have fun. But if that doesn't quite work out, you'll like get out of that situation, go find the solution. You know fun there instead and you want to have that as your mind state. Don't you going into one of these things?

Speaker 2 39:51

What I was going to say is this reminds me of the conversation that we had with Elizabeth a couple of episodes back, where you've got this end goal.

Speaker 1 39:58

Yeah.

Speaker 2 39:59

And it's like, okay, so I want to be the bell of the ball. Yeah, so to speak. Okay, so how do I be the bell of the ball? How do I feel the absolute best that I can feel. For some people that is rocking the best dress. For some people that's having the best underwear, for some people it's a haircut.

Speaker 1 40:19

Yeah.

Speaker 2 40:20

It just depends on, for some people is having hairy legs and underarms, because that's what they like and that's what makes them feel comfortable. Yeah, it is what it is, but it's for you. It's that thing of what's the journey in order to get there.

Speaker 1 40:38

Yeah, whatever makes you feel good is the right thing, but do the thing that makes you feel good and then you know, proceed with that energy and optimism going into it, but then also know that you know it might not work, you might not have anything happen with the first person. You talk to the second or the third and then you kind of go, okay, that's, that's fine, because not everyone's gonna be into you. Like I said before, I am not everyone's capote, but I'm some people's capote. Madness, don't even drink tea. So because you know you just got to go and find the people who you all they're capote and if you avoid you and you were there to watch, crack on, you know, there's just. But don't impact anyone else's fun, be respectful, be safe. But yeah, mostly have fun, enjoy it.

Speaker 1 41:34

Yeah, that's what I like.

Speaker 2 41:36

Yeah, I'm looking forward to the summary of this one.

Speaker 1 41:39

It's gonna be completely different, isn't it? Something bizarre is gonna happen aliens.

Speaker 2 41:46

Well, it's not this weekend, it's the weekend after, isn't it? So we've got a few episodes until.

Speaker 1 41:51

So how are you? Okay? Well, let's do a little vibe check. How are you feeling about it? You got your underwear.

Speaker 2 41:56

Yes, I bought some new underwear today.

Speaker 1 41:58

I sent you a flash drive by it.

Speaker 2 42:00

What happened was I was buying some new jeans and a couple of jumpers. I was kind of trying to find an outfit for tomorrow, because I have a meeting before I have this date.

Speaker 1 42:13

Oh, you're trying to do like the intersection of hot and office appropriate.

Speaker 2 42:19

Yeah, literally trying to find it. You normally nail it, thank you, but I needed some new jeans and I thought actually it's a perfect timing. So I was trying to find the right attire for this tomorrow. I don't know what she's using, I think the underwear I'm considering not wearing a bra, and I have sent her a picture of the underwear.

Speaker 1 42:39

Oh really.

Speaker 2 42:41

But yes, I happened to walk past the underwear section as I was going to the changing rooms and I was like, wow, are they really only £5 for that set?

Speaker 1 42:52

So someone can tear them off you and you won't be that upset. Well, yeah, there you go. Yeah, you could join us up when you were shopping.

Speaker 2 43:01

No, I tell you what, though it's a shop that always seems to think that I am going to be that person that puts the underwear, that puts the knicker part on in the changing rooms, or that I'm going to put them on and then bring them back after wearing them, do they?

Speaker 1 43:16

have the like safety check about your crotch again.

Speaker 2 43:18

They were like no, this is conflicting, right. She's like the women at the changing rooms you can't take the knickers in with you, you can only take the bras in to try on. It's like that's fine, it's not a problem, I need to go and try on other stuff anyway. Okay, cool, get to the till and the women's like as is a matching set. If you want to return it, you can.

Speaker 1 43:42

Thanks, I don't even understand why you'd have to say that.

Speaker 2 43:49

I know, but this is the second time this particular, this same shop, same location, but they say it in such a way that I look like the person that's going to do it.

Speaker 1 44:02

They want to use that, but you won't be surprised.

Speaker 2 44:06

I'm not going to pretend dirty underwear to a high chain high, high high street store. Thank you.

Speaker 1 44:19

You do. Well, what's in the cup of tea?

Speaker 2 44:23

I think I'm a bit giddy about tomorrow, to be honest.

Speaker 1 44:25

Oh, you really. Yeah, it's like it's not my eyebrow.

Speaker 2 44:29

I wear a bra for the meeting I'm going to take it off.

Speaker 1 44:33

Fine, it's good that you wouldn't know about this until afterwards.

Speaker 2 44:37

I know.

Speaker 1 44:37

So anyway, vibe check for the party was where I was going. Somehow we've gone down shopping and your inability to use the English language. So how are you feeling about the party?

Speaker 2 44:48

This all said, I am somewhat trepidatious because of the mix of people that are going to be there.

Speaker 1 44:54

Yeah, but my thing is, because I know that you can- plan for it.

Speaker 2 45:01

Yes, yeah, yeah, exactly that.

Speaker 1 45:07

I'm fairly loose as my language. You may have noticed over the past year A bit, but there's a certain level of I don't give a shit and I have reached the point where I don't give a shit, so I am going to go with my head in. I'm having fun mode and everyone else who's not going to be part of that journey does no longer exist for me and I will just not see them.

Speaker 2 45:30

Yes. So I think that's pretty much of this year Pining or grieving for what could have been, or mopping up the aftermath of certain things. And yeah, I think Fatima, ghana, in particular, was a really good turning point for us on when we're going to have fun. We're going to have fun.

Speaker 1 45:58

The question is are you going to join the pre-party chat group and be? Are you going to participate in this? So to what degree?

Speaker 2 46:10

I am going to join. I'll probably do roll call a couple of times. Maybe stick this particular episode out there. Shameless plug.

Speaker 1 46:27

Yeah, hold on. Have you planned it that way? This is the kind of shit you pull.

Speaker 2 46:35

You're so deep I work in marketing, for fuck's sake, of course.

Speaker 1 46:39

God, I don't trust you anymore.

Speaker 2 46:41

It's not devious, it's called preparation. You've just pulled it out yourself.

Speaker 1 46:47

I know, but this is just like an area I think of things like in technicalities, rather than if I say this and then share the thing I've said in advance. I don't know why. I just don't think about the world that way. I work in IT, project management. Computers don't like you. Try and do things as fast as you can, not planning ahead of time with what you're going to say. Okay, I think it's weird. Okay.

Speaker 2 47:19

Yes, so that's probably what I'll do. Fine, and that's not like I say, it's not against anybody in the group. I just feel like it's worth us trying a slightly different approach to what we have done normally.

Speaker 1 47:29

I'm trying to work out if I've got the mental strength to not join the chat group at all and just actually go full on. Don't care.

Speaker 2 47:38

Good question.

Speaker 1 47:39

Because I kind of want to know if it will make a difference. I don't want to have any impact on my evening if I don't know who's going to be there until I get there.

Speaker 2 47:47

I'll probably end up telling you to some extent if I join the chat group.

Speaker 1 47:52

You can ruin my experiment.

Speaker 2 47:56

I don't even know what to say to that.

Navigating Personal Growth and Enjoyment

Speaker 1 48:00

Neither do I. Okay, I'll keep. I will keep you all posted. I have not made a final decision on that one. I am so like lazy when it comes to chat apps that I will probably just completely forget to do it until like two days out and then just hear everything second and three butcher, cool, cool, awesome. So what have we concluded? Oh you go. Oh no, I'm asking you. You took the lead on this at the start of the podcast, so you stop kicking things.

Speaker 2 48:36

Yeah. Preparation, yeah. Pre-party prep, pre-party prep, party Party, however that takes form for you. Knowing yourself, owning yourself, yeah, and going with what feels right is my summary.

Speaker 1 48:56

Yeah, and mine yeah, that's all good. I also have a plan A, plan B, plan C, like if things don't quite go the way you think they're going to go, be prepared for when what to do. Don't assume that plans that you've made before you get there will plan out, because our experiences they rarely do. And if you decide it's in no like you kind of want to do the tech sector thing of failing fast A little bit. But also you know you're there to have fun, to have fun. If you're not having fun, do something about it. That's, either move on to something else or leave. Don't like fester. Yeah, for your own good, I think, definitely yeah. Hopefully this has been of some utility.

Speaker 2 49:51

Yeah.

Speaker 1 49:51

Well, we'll see Mostly around football schools and clothes shopping. Happy to help.

Speaker 2 49:59

Very generous of you, but in the meantime, keep us and your protection I would say in your pocket, but if you're at a sex party it's probably a lack of pockets going around so nearby.

Speaker 1 50:10

Nearby To hand Off one Off one. Don't do it.