Grief Talk w/ Vonne Solis
As an Author, Angel Healing Practitioner and bereaved mom since 2005, through guest interviews and coaching, I share great content that is informative, inspiring and practical to help anyone who has suffered a loss, or other adversity, manage grief and heal. Topics focus on loss, grief advocacy, grief support, healing, personal growth and consciousness expansion for holistic wellbeing.
Grief Talk w/ Vonne Solis
Ep. 106 Blind Faith: From Motorcycle Accident to Miracle!
Imagine waking up after a month in a coma only to discover that everything you had worked for - and the future you had planned - was gone! In this powerful and deeply moving episode on the Grief Talk Podcast, I had the honour of speaking with Kijuan Amey. A blind U.S. Air Force veteran, mentor, coach, motivational speaker, Wounded Warrior ambassador, and the author of his new book, "Don’t Focus on Why Me: From Motorcycle Accident to Miracle".
At just 25 years old, Kijuan’s life was changed forever after a tragic motorcycle accident in 2017 left him blind. Waking up in the hospital after a month-long coma motionless, unable to speak or see, Kijuan shares what most people would consider the unimaginable challenge of rebuilding his life from the ground up.
With his grit, humour, faith, and relentless determination, Kijuan not only describes how he confronted the pain daily, but transformed his tragedy into a story of triumph and resilience to now help others feel hopeful and inspired!
In this conversation, Kijuan candidly discusses:
•His shock and panic of waking up blind.
•The gruelling physical, mental, and spiritual healing process.
•How resilience, support, humour and faith guided him through despair and depression.
•The wisdom and strength he’s gained and how he inspires others to rise above their own struggles.
As a bereaved mom for twenty years, I was profoundly moved by Kijuan’s courage and determination. His story is not just about survival but serves as a beacon of hope to help anyone find purpose in the pain and inspiration from the struggle to let their light shine bright and live again!
#grieftalk #resilience #inspiration #blindveteran #healingjourney #hope #faith #motivation
Connect with Kijuan:
https://ameymotivation.com
Connect with Vonne:
https://vonnesolis.com
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Vonne Solis 0:00
This is the Grief Talk podcast with Vonne Solis, helping you heal after loss and life's hardest hits.
My guest today is Kijuan Amey, founder of Amey Motivation, LLC. Kijuan is a blind US Air Force veteran, motivational speaker and mentor from Durham, North Carolina. A former staff sergeant and in flight refuelling specialist, he turned tragedy into triumph after losing his eyesight in a 2017 motorcycle accident. Kijuan now empowers others through keynote speaking, mentorship with the Air Force Wounded Warriors, and his book "Don't Focus on Why Me". With over 25 years of drumming experience and a background in acting, he brings passion and purpose to every stage. Kijuan is a true catalyst for transformation and resilience.
Okay, so welcome audience to this amazing episode with Kijuan Amey, otherwise known as Kiwi. Kiwi, welcome to my podcast. I am honoured to have you here.
Kijuan Amey 1:06
Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me here. I appreciate the response through email that we did actually connect through. You were so opening and welcoming to having me on your show. So I appreciate it.
Vonne Solis 1:21
Yeah, likewise, I just likewise. I always really appreciate that email back and forth, getting to know you. Well, I got your book and as a recap, audience, I just want to remind you that I will say, Kijuan in his more formal name, basically has an amazing, amazing background and inspiring story to tell. We're going to tell you all about it. Essentially, this is an inspirational, courageous, adventurous journey he has gone on since 2017 after having the world in his hands and losing almost everything at age 25 in a in a motorcycle accident. One may call it tragic. One may call it miraculous. Kiwi, we're going to talk about what you ended up viewing that accident as that left you without your sight, basically having to learn everything all over again. We're going to talk about some bits and pieces of that, all of which you have put in your book. We're going to talk a lot about your journey that you wrote in a very succinct book. And as an author of three books, you know, I I read your book and I found it so concise, so impacting with every word you wrote. And almost, you know, you could use it as a pocket book and just go to any page at any point in all of the lessons that you provide people. So I really encourage anyone watching or listening to this episode to get your book. I'm going to keep it. I got it from Kindle Unlimited, but I'm going to hang on to that. And I really felt like I got to know you.
But getting back to a little bit of your background before the accident happened, when you were 25 you had been in the Air Force from 2011 to 21. You were an in-flight refuelling specialist, which is pretty cool. And you write a little bit about that in your book. If anyone wants to know about that, we're going to talk about what you actually did, because that's a you know, I find that piece. It was such a almost spectacular career from my point of view I want you to talk about because losing that, holy crap, okay? Like losing you worked hard to get it, and so we're going to talk a little bit about that. And you also advanced to staff sergeant, before your medical retirement. Grief all in itself, being forced to have to leave due to your accident. Then you enroll in a four year university program. You're now the founder and CEO of Kiwi Enterprise. You're, are you still the Vice-President of the Carolina Regional group, Blinded Veterans Association?
Kijuan Amey 4:17
No, my stint is over.
Vonne Solis 4:20
That's over, but you did that. And I believe, are you currently a mentor and ambassador for the Air Force Wounded Warriors program? So you're still doing that. So JAM PACKED life, regardless of what happened. So I want to dive in, because I emailed this to you, and I'll say it again here on the episode for others to hear. As a bereaved mom for 20 years from my daughter who passed by suicide in July, 2005. So this year, this year marked 20 years for me, I don't get inspired easily by people. But I was inspired by you as soon as I opened your book. And um, so I really respect and honour your journey. And there's just something about you, the way you deliver your messages, your sense of humour, your grit, your guts, your courage. And every page I read, I put myself in your situation, and then I I did a little bit of a Oh, God, but, but wait a minute. You went through your own journey that some people would say was the worst thing that could ever happen, and which can make us feel, excuse me, really different and isolated and, you know, and I don't know if that's true.
But then I'm reading yours, and then I'm imagining myself losing my sight, which would be the, you know, probably the next biggest fear I have. And I'm going to be blunt about that. When any of us humans think about losing one of our senses, I would wager the first one most people would not want to lose would be their sight. And here you are, okay, and we're going to talk about some details that you talk about in your book, just excruciatingly waking up to that from your coma. Oh, my God. So we're going to talk about a little bit about that. But I'd like to dive in now, and Kiwi has allowed me to call him Kiwi, because we're friends and but anybody can call you Kiwi, right? And so we're going to dive in. And I want to start with you kind of just explaining for the audience. So you're eight years since your accident. So how that felt at the time, whatever you want to explain, and this would be for somebody who hasn't yet read your book, wants to know more about it from, you know, buying your book, but also in looking back, you say that you felt on top of the world. Everything was looking up, independence, career, relationships, social life, a future. So going back to that moment, and you wake up in the hospital. Yeah, what was that like for you?
Kijuan Amey 7:09
Well, at first, when I woke up, I felt I felt very well rested, because I had been in a medically induced coma for a month. So which I had no idea yet. I'm just like, wow. I slept really good last night, you know? That's how I felt. That was a long night. This feels so good. Wait a minute.
Speaker 1 7:32
Why do I hear people talking in my bedroom? Because I'm thinking, I'm in my bed at home, and so I'm like, where are these voices coming from? And who are they? Like,
Vonne Solis 7:45
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 7:46
and now it's time to either. Well, at first identify their voices to make sure I didn't need to go into like, some kind of protective mode, because, again, don't forget, I am in the military. At this point, you know, I was at the it was in the military, so I'm like my right side so of my bedroom in my apartment, I used to sleep, which I still do to this day, the furthest away from the door.
Vonne Solis 8:17
Oh, okay.
Kijuan Amey 8:19
So I don't sleep closest to the bedroom door. I sleep the furthest away? Why do I do that? Because now the bed is my, my my guard. It's like protection from if, if somebody would have, like, bullets or something to shoot at me. Now it would be a I can have a something to prop up on and fire my weapon. And now I'm it all you see is this up. You don't see my whole body versus I'm on the same side of the door with you. Now you got all exposure to me. You know what I mean? So that was my my thought process was to be like, oh, I need to flip off my bed and drop down grab my gun. Thankfully, I didn't. I wouldn't have went too far.
Vonne Solis 9:06
Ohh.
Kijuan Amey 9:07
Because there were, like, you know, they're the bed rails.
Vonne Solis 9:10
The bed rails, yeah.
Kijuan Amey 9:11
So I couldn't fall off, and so luckily, I didn't move. I just kind of stayed there, kind of acting as if I was still asleep. Because I'm now identifying the voices. Which I ended up identifying as my mom and my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend at the time, and they were there in my hospital room. And I'm like, What the heck are they doing here? Now I know why my girlfriend be here, but why the heck is my mom here?
Vonne Solis 9:37
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 9:38
So I'm not ready for anybody to be in my room. And so that's when things started to get a little, you know, weird and awkward for me, because I'm listening to their condor, their conversation, and it's talking about which I write in the book. It's talking about an accident. A motorcycle accident. But they never say who. That's the thing. They never say who. Clearly. Because I would have understood. I never would have asked the question, well, who's in the accident? But I'm trying to piece this thing together. And you know how you're like, watching a TV show, one of your favourite soaps or something, and you're like, Will you guys just come on? And then it goes to the to get to the end of the show, and it says, to be continued. I'm like ah! That's how I felt. Like you guys did not just leave me on a cliffhanger.
So I finally, you know, go to try to let them know that I'm awake, and I open my eyes and I could see nothing. I see the same thing right now that I saw on May 5, 2017 as well as June the sixth, when I woke up in the hospital, 2017.
I see the same exact thing. Which is nothing, except for a little bit of light perception on my right eye. But I can't see any light right now at the hospital because the the lights have to be really bright. It's got to be sunlight bright.
Yeah, so, um, I noticed that I can't see, but I do like, you know how you you're one of those hard blinks to try to clear your eyes up. My vision's a little bleary. I try to reopen my eyes, and
Unknown Speaker 11:23
still, nothing.
Vonne Solis 11:23
Jesus, yeah.
Kijuan Amey 11:26
And so then, you know, the panic is setting in, and I go to try to speak and hear me clearly. I said, try.
Speaker 1 11:42
There's no speaking. The same way you're doing mm hmm? That's the same way I was talking.
Unknown Speaker 11:49
There's nothing coming out but noise.
Vonne Solis 11:51
Wow. I just want to stop you right there. You write about that in the book, and I don't think I'm ever going to forget that you describing that experience in my life.
Kijuan Amey 12:07
Yeah.
Vonne Solis 12:08
I don't think I'm going to forget it, because that stopped me in my tracks, and I imagined I was you okay? And I just thought, what would you do?
What would you do? Because even as you're talking about it now, I feel like I'm I would be in a prison. You can't move, can't talk, can't see. One of my worst that would be one of my worst nightmares, having already gone through the worst one. But you know what I'm saying?
Kijuan Amey 12:38
No. I got exactly what you're saying.
Vonne Solis 12:40
Yeah. And so this is and, you know, this is where people! Be inspired by Kiwi. Imagine what you would do. And my thing is, I don't think a lot of people put themselves in other people's shoes. They don't want to, like, no I don't want to think about that.
Kijuan Amey 12:57
Right. Exactly.
Vonne Solis 12:59
This is why your story is so important, okay. And how you tell it. Okay, so, then what? So, then what?
Kijuan Amey 13:07
So then I told you the panic was setting in.
Vonne Solis 13:11
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 13:11
Well, now at this point, when I can't talk, I actually hit the panic button. There's no longer setting in. It's now all full-blown alarms blaring, we're going crazy now, you know? And um
Vonne Solis 13:26
I mean, are you just feeling around for a device to hit a button, or?
Kijuan Amey 13:32
I'm trying to I'm trying to talk, and yet I hear my mom and, you know, ex-girlfriend.
Vonne Solis 13:38
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 13:40
They come to each side of my bed and my mom's like, what's going on? Are you okay? Are you okay? I'm like, No! You know, like, obviously. First off, I'm in a hospital, and I don't even, I didn't even know it. Who did this? So why can't I see anything? And I mean, when I tell you, the questions are flying, but they are not understanding a word.
Vonne Solis 14:05
Yeah, because you can't talk.
Kijuan Amey 14:08
No, and I'm doing my best to murmur. And they're like, wait, wait, wait. And I'm like, okay, wait for what? Like, is this gonna get better? You know? And it actually got worse. How did it get worse? She hands me a pen and a notepad.
Vonne Solis 14:28
Yeah, yeah.
Kijuan Amey 14:29
Like, what do I do with this?
Vonne Solis 14:32
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 14:33
You do realize I can't see you right now, right? So anyway, I do my best, because she was like, just try to write. And, you know, try your best not to write over top of what you wrote. Okay, easier said than done.
Vonne Solis 14:45
Yeah, no kidding hey?
Kijuan Amey 14:47
Um, but I did. I did do that and, and the only question I asked is just one. What is this motorcycle accident dream y'all are talking about?
Speaker 1 15:00
And yes, I use the word dream because they never did say who it was!
Vonne Solis 15:05
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 15:06
And so I said dream. And my mom, look, read it,
Oh, yeah.
So, yeah, June the sixth,
Vonne Solis 15:32
Wow.
Kijuan Amey 15:33
There was no more communicating. I think I might have put this in my book. You could have came in there and did whatever you wanted to me, and I wouldn't have cared.
Vonne Solis 15:43
Wow.
Kijuan Amey 15:44
Because life just set in. It really just hit me like, literally, a ton of bricks. And now I'm trying to figure out, wait, what? I was in a motorcycle accident? But I'm not a crazy rider. Why would I be in a motorcycle accident? Did I? Did I? Did I fall?
Speaker 1 16:03
Did I hit a patch of grass? Wait, what did I turn the corner too fast? What happened? This is everything I'm asking myself.
Vonne Solis 16:17
Right.
Kijuan Amey 16:17
I couldn't recall a thing at that time.
Speaker 1 16:21
Why? It wasn't that I had, you know, a terrible memory. It was that I was all hyped up on freaking medication, that recalling stuff wasn't easy. My brain was fogged out. I'm on oxy. I'm on, you know, these pain meds. I'm just coming out of anesthesia from the, you know, the medically induced coma. Like,
Vonne Solis 16:46
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 16:47
I don't know why. I didn't even know where I was.
Speaker 1 16:50
So that tells you, right there, you know, I have no clue what's what happened.
Unknown Speaker 16:56
and are
Vonne Solis 16:57
I have a question. It just came to me,
Speaker 2 17:12
sort of like, ask yourself these questions? Like, almost, have a an, I don't know, an analytical but re some reasoning for it. Like, are you trained for that? Because most people wouldn't be. Do you know what I'm saying?
Kijuan Amey 17:25
I know what you're trying. I know what you're saying.
Vonne Solis 17:27
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 17:28
I started smiling because I was trained specifically during my instructor school, when I was in when, when I was as an in-flight refuelling specialist.
Vonne Solis 17:34
Right.
Kijuan Amey 17:34
When you go and become an in-flight refuelling specialist, you learn questions. You learn how to question.
Vonne Solis 17:44
Okay.
Kijuan Amey 17:45
I mean, and when I say learn how to question? I could ask you so many questions, I don't even have to know nothing about your life.
Vonne Solis 17:52
Right.
Kijuan Amey 17:52
You know, like, it's just one of those things. As soon as you start doing something or start to
Speaker 1 17:59
speak on something, I could Oh, so, why would it? Why would it do that? Why would you be looking for this? What like they teach you how to ask questions.
Vonne Solis 18:08
Right. Are you also, though, and I want to say this, sensitivity, sense, sensitively,
Speaker 2 18:15
In that position that you were doing, as a specialist. In-flight refuelling specialist, are you also trained for possibility of death? Is it? Is it that, like, is it a really risky, risky profession?
Kijuan Amey 18:32
Well, I mean, yeah. We don't have parachutes on my plane.
Vonne Solis 18:34
So I, so, so I guess what I'm saying is the grit that you have and like, all through the book I'm reading, which, by the way, folks, it's not a really, really long read, but just very impacting on every page, which I really appreciated. But I was just wondering if there was something about your, I wasn't thinking it then I'm thinking it now about your training, that would give you some kind of I don't know, like I said. I don't know what the word is, is, because I it's not strength, it's not perspective, but just something. Coping skills. That's what I'm
Kijuan Amey 19:10
Resilience?
Vonne Solis 19:11
Well, right in the waking up, you're not resilient yet, right? But if you're, if you're waking up, and as you were describing earlier, you know, I sleep on the right side of the bed. I got my gun, you know, I ready, you know, I do this. That is a, is a, I can't even think of the word what that is, but a very prepared approach to, you know, being risk-averse. But I'm thinking, I'm just wondering if that has formed part of your personality, to just face everything you have faced
Speaker 2 19:42
with such resilience and a seriously positive attitude, which we're also going to get into, but also in those moments, waking up. Like, Oh, crap. You know, this is what I trained for. You just don't know yet. It's been from a motorcycle accident.
Kijuan Amey 20:00
Well I mean, you don't get the, like, the preparatory trainings.
Vonne Solis 20:04
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 20:04
That's kind of where that mindset of dropping to the one side of the bed, because we did have to shoot on one one knee. We had to lay lie prone, which is laying on your belly.
Vonne Solis 20:15
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 20:16
You know, there are different
Speaker 1 20:18
like, different ways we had to shoot. So that was, well, okay, you know how you see a cop shooting over a car?
Vonne Solis 20:24
Yes.
Kijuan Amey 20:25
Like, over, over the trunk of a car, or the hood of a car?
Vonne Solis 20:27
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 20:28
That was what I would have been doing at the bed.
Vonne Solis 20:30
Okay.
Kijuan Amey 20:31
Yeah, it would have been like that. So that's, that's what I meant by that. But as far as, like, that accident? I don't know if I had anything that could have prepared me.
Vonne Solis 20:31
Prepared you, yeah. Yeah, I think the, I think the whole description, I'm trying to think of my word, or word is like, survivor skills.
Kijuan Amey 20:49
Yeah.
Vonne Solis 20:50
Survivor skills.
Kijuan Amey 20:51
And, I mean, I did go through survival school. There was a survival school training that I did go through. It's called SEER.
Vonne Solis 20:58
Okay.
Kijuan Amey 20:58
And we had to, it stands for
Speaker 1 21:09
resistance and evasion. Oh, seer, that's what SEER stands for.
Vonne Solis 21:13
Okay. Oh, okay. So, but, but here's the point I want to make, that despite all of that, here you are understandably
Speaker 2 21:24
panicked. You know? But I'm still wondering if you handled it way better than people without training. That's, you know, we'll, we'll never know. You'd have to be
Vonne Solis 21:35
and we're not comparing. It's just, it's striking me now, like, because I'm and so I'm in awe of you. And, you know, and, and so I don't want to say that in a way that makes your
Speaker 2 21:47
accident and your loss of sight, like, you know, isolating and Oh, poor you and sympathy. No.
Kijuan Amey 21:54
No.
Vonne Solis 21:54
I'm in awe of you as someone who's trudged basically in my own lane of of that, of a lot of what you describe, and different set of circumstances, and yeah, just just how you've handled it. I just wanted to put that out there. So your mom tells you to write on this pad. But something you also say in your book was that, did I get this right? That she had told you you had been communicating with her when you were in a coma?
Unknown Speaker 22:29
Is that right? Or did I make that up?
Kijuan Amey 22:31
Yea, apparently, not just her, my friend too.
Speaker 1 22:40
him and his ex-girlfriend now, but my
Unknown Speaker 22:46
uh, they used to come visit me.
Unknown Speaker 22:48
And
Unknown Speaker 22:59
So that would choke me.
Speaker 1 23:02
His numb skull self would would make me laugh, then have to take off and go get somebody to, you know, fix it, correct this situation. Now, that's one side of it. The other side is the girlfriend that he used to have, his ex- girlfriend.
Kijuan Amey 23:18
She would be like, like, they want to be in there talking to me, like, same, similar to how my mom and my ex- girlfriend on on each side of my bed.
Vonne Solis 23:25
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 23:25
And I'm trying to communicate with them, but they're not understanding that Well, oh, we can't understand him. We can't understand is what they're telling me, I was doing. And I was like, like, give me your phone. Give me your phone. I'm doing gestures, hand gestures. And so she hands me her phone. I've never used a Samsung a day in my life, by the way. I'm an iPhone user. I'm not throwing any shade on anybody, but I literally. Hello! Cannot see, remember.
Vonne Solis 23:53
Right.
Kijuan Amey 23:53
Go to her messages and start typing what I wanted wanted them to know, and I handed it back to her. She told me,
you might have missed two words, wow.
Vonne Solis 24:10
Do you have any idea like, do you why you think you could do that?
Kijuan Amey 24:16
Subconscious mind is powerful. That's all I'll say.
Vonne Solis 24:18
Yeah, right.
Kijuan Amey 24:20
That is all I could say, is that the subconscious mind with the muscle memory, is truly powerful.
Vonne Solis 24:28
That and divine intervention and guidance.
Kijuan Amey 24:31
That too.
Vonne Solis 24:31
Wow. Well, see, that's not in your book.
Speaker 1 24:35
Oh
Kijuan Amey 24:35
No, it's not. But because I didn't find that out until later.
Vonne Solis 24:40
Oh.
Kijuan Amey 24:41
I didn't find that out until after I wrote my book. And they were like, because they, I think they read what you read, and they were like, man, you should have known all the stuff you was doing today. And that's when they told me that after they read the book.
Vonne Solis 24:52
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 24:53
Yeah. So, trust me, there are other stories that started to come out after they read the book. But see the reason I wrote this book was from my perspective. You know, I was trying to give people what I was doing and what was coming from, what I was dealing with, versus what everybody else was telling me, You know what I mean? So that's why I didn't put a lot of those stories in there.
Vonne Solis 25:14
Yeah, for sure. For sure. How long did it take you to, I think I read that when you first learned about this, you shut everyone out for at least 24 hours and wouldn't speak to anybody. But how long would you say it took you in that hospital to really come to terms with you were the guy in that motorcycle accident and and, and when they started to give you answers to what what really had happened, because I'm sure that they were trying to protect you and all this stuff. But did they start to give you answers right away about what actually happened and when you had that? Did that information help you come to terms with holy crap, this is my situation.
Kijuan Amey 26:00
Oh yeah, no. As soon as I asked the questions, they were giving me answers.
Vonne Solis 26:04
Okay.
Kijuan Amey 26:05
It was kind of like they didn't have much of a choice. You know what I mean? Because this was about me, in a sense, and to the point where I, I don't know what if you, if you're withholding the information, what, how is it benefiting me? You know what I'm saying?
Vonne Solis 26:26
Right.
Kijuan Amey 26:27
It'll start to hurt me more than anything.
Vonne Solis 26:29
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 26:30
I'm already stuck in a terrible situation, and now you're making it even worse by withholding information. So what I will say about the other side of this in regards to me, you know, wanting to be able to pivot into, okay, this is my life.
Vonne Solis 26:48
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 26:50
That was a day by day process. So why do I say day by day? Because some days literally were better than others, and some just flat out sucked.
There were days I couldn't do stuff. There were days I was using the bathroom on myself. I don't like these things because it feels like I'm no longer in control. You know what I mean? And I'm like what?
This is, where my book title comes on in, Don't Focus on Why Me, because that was all I was doing. Why does this have to happen to me right now? You know what I mean? And that's all I kept questioning God about. Why me?
that right there...
Vonne Solis 27:45
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 27:46
was what really ignited a fire in me.
Vonne Solis 27:49
Yep.
Kijuan Amey 27:51
And I was shown. It was to the point where I started showing off. Okay? Like I was starting to show off. And what do I mean? What do I mean by this? When I would go to the physical, physical rehab,
I am not lying. He was like, hey, hey, calm down. I said, y'all better put some more weight on here. He's like, That's the max.
Vonne Solis 28:27
But that's, that's what I'm saying. Just listening to you even talk right now, it's like, so how long was that before you started physical therapy from lying in the bed? When did they get you to get moving?
Kijuan Amey 28:41
Well, now there were two phases of physical therapy. The first one was actually in bed therapy, and then the second one was what I was just telling you about.
Vonne Solis 28:50
Right.
Kijuan Amey 28:50
Me actually going to the facility.
Vonne Solis 28:52
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 28:52
I was on the seventh floor, then at UNC hospital. And so once they started, they wheeled me down to the physical therapy room but they also made me wheel myself. Yes, I said that correctly. They made me wheel myself.
Vonne Solis 29:07
Yeah, Jesus.
Kijuan Amey 29:09
And I'm like, What are we doing? Why is nobody pushing me? And he was like, just follow my voice. I was like, I don't think you understand. I'm blind.
Vonne Solis 29:19
Yeah. See, that wasn't in the book either. But this is why I love talking to you.
Kijuan Amey 29:24
I was telling you some stuff I had to keep for myself.
Vonne Solis 29:28
Yeah, okay, well, I, you want me to edit this out? Anyway, I think it's so, I think it's so important. But so here's the thing, how long after the accident was this happening? A month?
Kijuan Amey 29:41
This was so, of course, it was af it was over a month, because literally, remember, my accident was May 5th.
Vonne Solis 29:47
May 5th.
Kijuan Amey 29:47
I didn't wake up until June the sixth.
Vonne Solis 29:49
Oh, yeah, yeah yeah. Okay.
Kijuan Amey 29:51
A whole month, right there.
Vonne Solis 29:52
That's a whole month, yeah.
Kijuan Amey 29:53
So this was like maybe, and I was talking about this time, so my, my wire was off.
Vonne Solis 29:59
Okay.
Kijuan Amey 29:59
And I think it took them another I think it took them another week or so to take that off after I woke up. That was the longest week of my life.
Vonne Solis 30:08
Oh, I'll bet. Yeah, because you like to talk, I'm sure.
Kijuan Amey 30:12
And eat!
Vonne Solis 30:13
Oh and eat.
Kijuan Amey 30:14
You know what I'm saying?
Vonne Solis 30:15
Yeah, food first, talk later.
Kijuan Amey 30:16
They were uh, thank you.
They were, you know, feeding me via a gastrointestinal tube.
Vonne Solis 30:24
Okay.
Kijuan Amey 30:25
You know, that's how my medication and the protein and all that stuff was going in.
Vonne Solis 30:30
You know.
Kijuan Amey 30:30
I already had an IV, so that was where my fluids were coming from so I wasn't worried about that. But that's how I was eating. And I'm like, this is weird.
Vonne Solis 30:39
Like, the discipline.
Kijuan Amey 30:40
And I don't like a week. It was like, yes, you have. I was like, No, I haven't. I want to physically eat.
Vonne Solis 30:47
The discipline you would have had to show.
You know, I I'm just sitting here, like, going, Wow, cuz I'm a pretty I'm fairly impatient person, which I've tried to, you know, teach myself not to be. But the discipline, mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, everything, just to be, basically, almost still.
Kijuan Amey 31:12
Yeah.
Vonne Solis 31:13
And in the darkness.
Kijuan Amey 31:15
Well, look in the darkness whether the lights are on or off.
Vonne Solis 31:21
Exactly. That's what I'm saying. See, I mean, I mean just feeding that back to you, like, like, for most of us that haven't had to go through that, it's like, yikes. And, but speaking from the perspective of going through something where people would be, ohhhh....
when they hear about my child's suicide, and like, Oh, God, you know, so I'm reacting to you little bit like that. But I get that, you know, the discipline, and we don't, and the reason I'm bringing it up is because I don't think we think about it enough for ourselves, the discipline that we've had to demonstrate to develop the resilience to be, to be honest, from my perspective, amongst other things.
So so I still don't get though where this wheeling down the hall and the guy says, Follow my voice. And you're like, well, you have no choice, because they're not wheeling you that this is where I feel like the grit. I just keep coming up with this word, the grit you have to just like do it.
Kijuan Amey 32:27
And I at first
Vonne Solis 32:29
Ahhh!
Kijuan Amey 32:30
At first, I'm not joking. I said, because the ex-girlfriend that I was telling you about
Vonne Solis 32:37
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 32:37
I told her. I said, Take me back to the room. If he's not going to wheel me down this hall, take me back to the room right now! And she's like, I can't do that. I said, What do you mean you can't do it?
Vonne Solis 32:49
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 32:49
But she was like, he told me he was gonna do this. I said, and you agreed?
Vonne Solis 32:54
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 32:55
It's one of those moments and you agreed to it? He was like, we're not going back. You gotta come on. We gotta go to we gotta go to physical therapy. You're eating into our time. And I'm like, What is going on? I said, What if I run into somebody? He said, trust me, they'll get out of your way.
Vonne Solis 33:13
Okay.
Kijuan Amey 33:14
And I'm like, this was the most nerve-wracking thing I had ever done since, you know, waking up.
Vonne Solis 33:23
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 33:24
And I couldn't just, you know, say, Well, I'm gonna go back to my room because I didn't know where it was.
Vonne Solis 33:31
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 33:32
I didn't know where it was. I was literally he, they had already put me in a hallway. You know I'd already made some turns from my room, so I don't know where I need to turn, where I need to go. I can't just reach up on the wall say this is my room, because I don't even know what room I'm in. So anyway, I went down the hall.
Vonne Solis 33:48
I just have here's a question for you. Um, you're gonna say when you move you went down the hall, but I'm gonna ask you, are our senses designed when you find yourself suddenly in this situation, can you really follow a voice? And our senses will actually hone in at that point and even even without being able to see, you could follow his voice when he told you to?
Kijuan Amey 34:12
My ears, basically. So
I'm I'm sure you're going to start doing this. Now, if you ever close your eyes and hear somebody talking.
Vonne Solis 34:25
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 34:26
Just turn your ear one way.
Vonne Solis 34:28
Okay, I'm doing it.
Kijuan Amey 34:30
This this ear won't be picking up the saying that that the ear that's turned to them is. But if you turn facing them, you know that you're going the right way. So I was just putting him, his voice in the center of my hearing.
Vonne Solis 34:45
Interesting, okay.
Kijuan Amey 34:47
And that's all I did. I even do that well, I started doing that when I was doing my walking as well, like, or we call it orientation and mobility training. The guy, instead of using his voice,
he would be walking and doing,
Vonne Solis 35:03
Clapping.
Kijuan Amey 35:04
Doing that noise.
Vonne Solis 35:05
Yeah, okay.
Kijuan Amey 35:06
And I just had to follow it.
Vonne Solis 35:08
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 35:08
You know, you just any sound, and your job is to put that sound in, in where you're in your pathway.
Vonne Solis 35:16
The reason I'm bringing that up really briefly, is just because I think that a lot of people are very, you know, unaware of their senses and put very little, you know, thought into
the beauty of these senses that we do have. And it sounds like when we lose, one we overcompensate in another area eventually to be able to survive it, the loss of that sense.
Kijuan Amey 35:43
That's a focus.
Vonne Solis 35:44
Yeah, interesting.
Kijuan Amey 35:46
You know, I sit here thinking about it. Just think about this. Say you were in like, a crowded area, and you were walking one way, and somebody behind you noticed you. They were like, they just called your name, yelled it out. Hey Kijuan!
Oh, now you knew which direction it came from because you heard it come from behind you. It's the same thing.
Vonne Solis 36:06
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 36:08
It's the same thing.
Vonne Solis 36:08
It's just most of us don't think about it like that, right? And so this is just a little plug to honour your senses folks, because I think you know, in every capacity to be, you know, really aware and grateful for what we do have, for sure, but also hone them. And probably, anyway, that's another topic.
Kijuan Amey 36:28
And by the way, you know this, but some of your listeners may not. I lost two senses, two senses. One, eyesight.
Vonne Solis 36:38
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 36:39
Two, smell.
Vonne Solis 36:41
Did you?
Kijuan Amey 36:42
Yeah. I lost my sense, I lost my sense to smell when they did the reconstructive surgery on my face, because they had to put the metal plates in my head so they had to go in through my face.
Vonne Solis 36:51
Wow. I did not know that.
Jesus.
Kijuan Amey 36:55
But I breathe just fine.
Vonne Solis 36:58
Wow. So that's a permanent one, that loss of of of smell is also permanent?
Wow. That's all I'm gonna say. Okay, double whammy. Okay. And you didn't have mobility either. I do remember. I do vividly remember you talking about the bars. The parallel bars and taking that first step, this is sticking with me, too. And you going, this is a step closer to the outcome I want. I'm paraphrasing.
Kijuan Amey 37:32
The quote is you have to begin with the end in mind. So what the end was, when I was at the parallel bars, was the end of the parallel. So I have to get from this point to that point, but in order for me to get to that end point, I have to take the first step.
Vonne Solis 37:50
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 37:51
You can't go unless you take that first step. I promise you won't get to that to the end, unless you take that first step and then follow it up with more steps after.
Vonne Solis 38:02
But that's so that's so powerful. You have to begin with the end in mind, that is a powerful, powerful quote. And
when I read that, your experience about that because you were in a lot of pain at that point.
Kijuan Amey 38:18
Yes.
Vonne Solis 38:18
And I know you, you'd write about having those shots that you absolutely hated.
Kijuan Amey 38:26
Blood clot shots.
Vonne Solis 38:27
Blood clot shots. And I didn't realize those were painful.
Kijuan Amey 38:33
Yeah.
Vonne Solis 38:33
Holy, holy smokes, but
Kijuan Amey 38:35
I didn't either.
Vonne Solis 38:53
Because most people that I've come across, you know, as long as life's kind of going smooth for them. Everything's kind of great, they live in this state of I hope it never happens to me, you know? But when you can actually imagine something happening to you, you don't want it to. But I think this is a little bit of a way to discipline yourself, to have the resilience. Because that, that statement you had, you have to begin with the end in mind. You know what I did when I read that Kiwi? I went, I wonder if I did that when I became bereaved, and I just didn't know that I was doing that? And the answer was yes.
for people to imagine themelves in a situation. And while I'm going to jump to this early, it's important and fits in this what we're talking about here because you also write in the book that you practiced going around in the dark when you were a kid.
And I see you smiling.
Kijuan Amey 39:56
Yes.
Vonne Solis 39:56
And I, and I'm just remembering.
Remembering this. I I'm just remembering this now to tell you this. I used to sometimes sit at our dining room table and imagine my daughter's chair being empty.
h huh, before she passed.
Kijuan Amey 40:14
Right.
Vonne Solis 40:15
And you know, when I read that about your your practicing in the dark. And also, if I'm correct, you say you played the drums in the dark with your eyes closed, quite a bit.
Kijuan Amey 40:24
My eyes closed.
Vonne Solis 40:25
With your eyes closed. That's what I meant to say. And it made me wonder. And this is only if you want to comment, but otherwise, just food for thought. It makes it makes me wonder if sometimes we tap into
our life. Also what I sometimes call incarnation, with what we're, a bigger purpose and what we're going to have to go through. Maybe not the actual experience, but in my case, imagining my daughter not being in her chair. And I wouldn't do it like, well, she's not in her chair. I would do it more like, oh, it would be horrible if you know a family you know didn't have a child sitting in their chair. Like that. So it wasn't immediate, like, Oh, I hope she doesn't die. It was a little bit removed from that. But like you going around in the dark and saying, I think you said, I wonder if this prepared me for my future. Did you say that? But if not, I'm asking. I'm asking, if that, do you think that's even possible, that we could be preparing ourselves for our future?
Kijuan Amey 41:30
This the cliche, however you want to phrase it, everything happens for a reason.
Vonne Solis 41:36
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 41:37
I believe in that.
Vonne Solis 41:38
Yeah, me too.
Kijuan Amey 41:38
I believe in that because I was navigating life as a child. As an adult, whether I was outside playing hide and seek at night, you know, I was the one of the best when we played, especially when we played at night. Oh, I was the best when we played at night.
Vonne Solis 41:56
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 41:56
And like I told you, my eyes being closed playing the drums was at church. Had no clue I was doing it.
Vonne Solis 42:05
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 42:05
Hear me clearly. I had no idea I was even doing it. I was being told that by other people.
Vonne Solis 42:12
Interesting.
Kijuan Amey 42:13
So when I say everything happens for a reason, the reason I say that is because I still play the drums. They're here behind me.
Vonne Solis 42:22
Yeah. I saw YouTube. I saw a YouTube of you doing drum, playing the drums.
Kijuan Amey 42:26
Well, I still play.
Vonne Solis 42:27
Yeah, good.
Kijuan Amey 42:28
I still play til today, and I'm not just playing, just to be playing or sounding like, God knows who what. And I can play very, very good.
Vonne Solis 42:39
Yes, you can.
Kijuan Amey 42:40
Very well.
Vonne Solis 42:41
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 42:41
You know.
Vonne Solis 42:42
Are you in a band, or do you play at the church? At the church still.
Kijuan Amey 42:46
But I've also played in in other bands and stuff like that. Yeah, I've even, I've even been thrown on a set of drums doing a live service.
Vonne Solis 42:56
Wow, wow.
Kijuan Amey 42:57
Without sight, by the way. Talk about before we talk about now.
Vonne Solis 43:02
You're, you're, you're amazing. But so again, I that's just a little aside that I wanted to pay tribute to, is your ability to function in the dark better than most when you even had your sight.
You know? And then you end up, you know, at 25
losing your sight. And, you know, sometimes I and I lose my daughter, and so sometimes I just think, by imagining it or practicing it, it helps us almost prepare for it when it actually does happen, and basically keeps us, maybe helps us survive. I don't know. That could be another topic, but, you know. So at the point, so here you are, and you're just like, Okay, I'm doing this. I'm doing this. Let's move to when you end up, you know, you go home, you get out of the hospital. What was it like getting out of the hospital? And I know you said you were really looking forward to going home. Did you go to your condo or did you go to your mom's place when you got out of the hospital?
Kijuan Amey 44:02
I didn't have an apartment anymore. No, they got rid of it. My lease was coming due anyway.
Vonne Solis 44:08
Oh.
Kijuan Amey 44:09
Which I thank God for, by the way, because that was still coming out of my pocket and I wasn't getting paid. So I thank God that it was coming due. It was like perfect timing. Like, again, everything's happens for happens for a reason. Timing was perfect for that situation.
And back back to the question, though, when I left that hospital?
Vonne Solis 44:32
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 44:33
Man, I wish I could have cut a somersault, because I was so ready to go. I don't wish that on anybody.
Vonne Solis 44:39
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 44:40
I was there for two months.
Vonne Solis 44:41
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 44:42
May 5, until July 7th. I'll never forget it. That was my discharge date. I'm very good with dates, by the way.
Vonne Solis 44:48
So didn't you get a ride? It was, it was it a charger you have?
Kijuan Amey 44:54
My dad's Charger, yeah.
Vonne Solis 44:56
Okay. I just, I just wanna let you know I have a Mustang.
Kijuan Amey 44:59
That's fine. My, my, uh, that my, my, my stepdad has one in the garage. So just to get you a little off, off topic, but I was gonna get one of those first before the Charger. But the guy at the dealership?
Vonne Solis 45:12
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 45:12
He's the one who turned me off because the one that I was talking about, he didn't want to sell it to me.
Vonne Solis 45:17
Oh, really?
Kijuan Amey 45:18
No lie.
Vonne Solis 45:18
Okay.
Kijuan Amey 45:19
No lie. I left and went to the Dodge dealership.
Vonne Solis 45:22
Well, mine, interesting. No, mine's just a v6 convertible, but you know what? It's, it's my lady's Mustang. But I love that you loved your Charger, and and, and you talk about, did, did you not have a ride home from the hospital in your Charger? Or a Charger?
Kijuan Amey 45:38
No. I talked about having a ride home in my Charger.
Vonne Solis 45:42
Okay.
Kijuan Amey 45:42
My stepdad, because we talked about it before, I think it was a day or two before my discharge date.
Vonne Solis 45:48
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 45:49
I said, Hey, man, I don't care what you I don't want to ride in no Ford Edge beause that was the other car that he had. Said I don't want to ride in no Ford Edge.
Vonne Solis 45:57
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 45:58
I want you to drive my Charger.
Vonne Solis 46:00
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 46:00
He said, Okay, I got you.
Vonne Solis 46:02
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 46:02
And so when he got there on July 7, the discharge date, I said, So, did you drive, did you drive Diamond? He said, Yeah. And I said yes! Somebody get me out of here.
Vonne Solis 46:13
Yeah. Because, because, again, you describe that and like, your senses are just so alive, describing it, and the sound, and you know, everything, and that struck, struck me as well, is,
yeah, tuned into all of that, and in the enjoyment of it, still. The enjoyment! You were able to express enjoyment in a situation where many people would, probably, I'm guessing, cave and
pity party for one.
Right?
Kijuan Amey 46:51
That I would, but not I.
Vonne Solis 46:53
This is where the resilience is, is now showing itself. So how moving, you know, to,
you know, shifting your mindset. So you talk about the three points, key points for people that you consider are absolutely essential for recovery. And you talk about it, you know in having your shots and the excruciating pain of learning to walk again. Learning everything all over again, and one of the main lessons I wanted to write down for the folks as you was number one, embrace and confront the issue. Embrace and confront the issue. And I wrote to you that this, or at least a note to myself, that this is jam-packed with lessons from your life experience. And so when you talk about embracing and confronting the issue, and I know someone helped you with understanding that, but do you want to speak about that and and how you feel its importance is to people's recovery, turning a situation around, facing adversity? Anything that's their, you know, monstrosity of a struggle.
Kijuan Amey 48:10
Yeah, that chapter, embrace and confront the issue it came from, literally, the depression phase.
Vonne Solis 48:20
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 48:20
And I was trying to stay in denial about, you know, eventually I'll get my sight back, you know, yeah, it's just maybe tomorrow, tomorrow morning. Let me just hurry up and go to sleep. I know it'll be back. Literally. These are the things I'm doing, okay, if I just pray tonight that it comes back tomorrow, I know it'll come back because that's how this works, right? No, it's not how it works. And so when I'm going through this day after day after day, people coming to my house to pray for me all the freaking time, I am now getting to a point where this thing is starting to have like a stronghold on me, and now it's, it's pulling me down instead of me finding a way back up, like I was having when I was at the hospital, like I was finding my way up out of there. And then when I came back home, that hill started to go, I started to go back on the downside of the hill into a valley, and, you know, I had to find my way back out of there, because that valley was getting dark, you know.
And so it got to the point where, you know, the prayers, I'm like, I'm done with this. You know, I I needed something to help me, and I felt like I wasn't finding the right answers until I finally called my uncle. That's who you're referring to, who helped me in this situation. The first part of him of the feeling better about this situation was him just simply saying, I'm on the way.
Vonne Solis 50:07
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 50:07
Why do I say that? Because it was like, eight o'clock at night.
Vonne Solis 50:11
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 50:12
And I called his house and he's like, Ki, because he calls me Ki.
Vonne Solis 50:18
I like that.
Kijuan Amey 50:18
And he goes, Ki, I'm on the way.
Vonne Solis 50:21
Oh, geez.
Kijuan Amey 50:22
And I was like, Are you what?
Vonne Solis 50:25
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 50:26
Oh, okay, okay, he on the way. I, I didn't get dressed, nothing.
Vonne Solis 50:29
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 50:30
I'm just laying there, you know. Okay, he's on the way. I'll just, you know, got some shorts and T shirt on, cover up, you know, looking to be gonna come back here and talk to me. Probably pray again, you know something like that, because he's a pastor. So I'm thinking, okay, here we go. Another prayer, you know? The step two of him saying something that made me get even stronger. Come on, let's go. Let's go for a ride.
Vonne Solis 50:57
Oh.
Kijuan Amey 50:57
Wait, what? What? First off, you got out of you. You left your house at about eight o'clock. Now you get here and you want to go for a ride? Okay, this is showing that he really cares.
Vonne Solis 51:10
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 51:11
He's trying to get me out of my environment and into some better a better situation, to where we can have a headspace moment and talk. And so we're riding, and I'm just talking. I mean, when I say talking kind of like what we're doing, but just me. No, no, you can hear him every now and uh huh, yeah. He's not saying words. That's it, he all he's doing. And then we finally get somewhere to pull over and park, and he says, you know Ki, I'm surprised it took you this long. And I was like, What are you talking about? He said, I honestly thought you would have broke down a long time ago. I said, I thought this would have came a long time ago. And I said, Well, you got me there because I didn't. I thought I would be okay, you know, and I you just don't know what you don't know. But as we were talking, that's when the phrase he told me, You can't keep running from this thing. At some point, you gotta embrace and confront the issue. And that just meant facing it.
Vonne Solis 52:31
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 52:32
Don't sit there and run from it. Don't act like this is not real. You know, we have to understand this happened. Now, what are we going to do about it?
Vonne Solis 52:45
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 52:45
So that's where that came from.
Vonne Solis 52:47
Yeah, yeah. So just a nod to the grief part of this, folks, it can be very, very difficult. You're I mean, this is obviously right up my alley in the in the grief talk world, but with the loss. You don't have to lose a person to be in grief number one, but also embracing and confronting the issue, confronting the issue, embracing it. Maybe they work together. Maybe one comes before the other. I don't know - it can be hard and it can take years. And in my case, it's taken years to embrace my loss. But I've always approached healing as having to be really genuine. And I learned a few years ago that if I'm not ready to heal something or accept something, I'm just going to acknowledge I can't do it yet or I don't want to do it yet. And we, and we, we deal with it. Because that, in and of itself, is is another form of healing, just being able to accept what you can't accept. So I just wanted to put that out there.
So this was a journey for you. You're you're eight years in. How long would you say, and this is not a comparison at all. I'm just curious about your own journey. How long would you say it took you, or have you fully fully, fully embraced this is your life, without sight and without smell and without all of those things you had planned for yourself at the tender age of 25?
Kijuan Amey 54:16
I'm not sure exactly like when I fully embraced it. I know that this is my life, but that doesn't take the suck away.
Vonne Solis 54:28
Right.
Kijuan Amey 54:28
You know what I mean? And I'm sure you completely understand that.
Vonne Solis 54:31
I do.
Kijuan Amey 54:32
I understand that this is my life. That the suck has not went away, you know? Because there
Vonne Solis 54:39
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 54:39
there are so many things that remind me that I'm blind.
Vonne Solis 54:43
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 54:44
You know. And, and just the simple fact that I can't even do the job that I was doing anymore.
Vonne Solis 54:49
I know.
Kijuan Amey 54:50
The simple fact that I was a year away from earning my degree to become a pilot.
Vonne Solis 54:56
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 54:57
You know. So there are so many things that remind me. But this playing the drums just this past Sunday, I missed the cymbal. Simple things that remind me.
Vonne Solis 55:09
Yeah, yeah.
Kijuan Amey 55:10
And I was like, Okay, I'm blind, but I also laugh at myself, too, sometimes when I do that.
Vonne Solis 55:18
Okay.
Kijuan Amey 55:19
You know, so that can make it's like that's another like part for me. Another part of like coping is I laugh at myself.
Vonne Solis 55:29
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 55:29
Humour? Oh god.
Vonne Solis 55:30
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 55:31
You want to talk about somebody making jokes out of what I do, and it's me, okay?
Vonne Solis 55:36
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 55:36
So, yeah.
Vonne Solis 55:38
I was gonna bring that up just briefly, but you've already answered it, I think. But I was going to ask you if you thought humour, when you can reach that point, and it's dependent on your situation, does actually help you to this day? And you've answered that. Yes, it does, and I think it can help anybody. But there are a lot of situations it's very difficult for people to make light of and also culturally wrong to make light of them. So just the fact that you do that, you know, yay to you.
I just we're at the top of the hour, and I'm gonna have to close off with you soon here, but I just wanted to acknowledge one, I'm really grateful for your time and your honesty having this discussion. But I also would ask, if you'd just speak a little bit. You come across as you know, resilience in and you know you got this, and you know all the things we've talked about. But in sort of rounding this off, if you could just sort of speak to the fact that you know healing does take time, acceptance does take time. And you even say in your words, because I think you're actually the same age as my son, but you know, the suck doesn't go away. So that's not something I would normally say. I'm just saying Kiwi but, but meaning that there are parts to this that still um, do you struggle with, or you just annoyed with? Frustrated with? I just want you to speak about that so people don't get the idea that something bad happens, and then you reach this point where, you know, you've got a level of acceptance. You know, the in my case, listen, I'm going to have parts of the struggle, probably till the day I die.
Kijuan Amey 57:23
Yeah.
Vonne Solis 57:24
No matter, no matter how committed I am to letting my loss be A-Okay, which, again, is you're not really supposed to say that in the grief world, you're kind of the same. But do you want to speak to how you know, healing does take time. What people can do, you know, to be angry and down and in-between. And is it, is it a venture for you still, where there's hills and you're up and down, you know? What do you want to say about that?
Kijuan Amey 57:55
Yeah, absolutely.
What, what I will say is, and this is something that me being a mentor as well as an ambassador for the Air Force Wounded Warriors Program, we talk about all the time.
Vonne Solis 58:12
Okay.
Kijuan Amey 58:13
It's okay to not be okay. That's one thing we have to understand. It IS okay to not be okay. The thing that we must do is try not to live there.
Vonne Solis 58:27
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 58:28
You know, don't live in that not okay moment. Try to find something that brings that light in you back out. You know and that's what I do. The humour that you hear from me? That's me bringing that light out. Those drums? That's me bringing the light out.
Vonne Solis 58:47
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 58:48
You know, when I speak and mentor to other people, that's me bringing the light out. I might be talking about the story that caused this, but at some point the light is going to shine again. And so when I do podcasts, whether I step on a stage, whether I'm mentoring and doing ambassadorship, whatever it is, even in my book, because I've had people write me personally like DM me about my book that helped save their brother's life because he had a similar situation, motorcycle accident, lost eyesight, and he was thinking about taking his own life, and my book saved his. These are the things that I do it for.
Vonne Solis 59:32
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 59:33
It's not about me now. It's about what, what life can I help.
Vonne Solis 59:38
Yeah.
Kijuan Amey 59:39
You know, and so, you know, I just, I do my best to not make it about me. I use mine, my story, to inspire, but not make it about me, you know. So, yeah.
Vonne Solis 59:55
Yeah, no, it's amazing. And I just, I get that from you. And so for the audience to be really clear, those of us that take this on as purpose work? We're here. Kiwi, you're here to do what you're doing. And I think for me, when I realized that, and I realized it pretty early on in my bereavement, that I had a purpose out of this whole loss situation, and I wasn't going to waste it. And that was a huge turnaround for me in not letting it overcome me, because I didn't want to be on the planet, and it kept me going without intervention of any drugs or alcohol or any devices that would soothe the pain. No! I was, and you're very similar, if not the same. You take it, but I think it does help ease us into this full acceptance of this is our life. One, when we know what we had is never coming back, you know. And for me, that took a number of years, like, to really, really, really, really, really, get this is, this is my life.
And and the second thing I found for me, and maybe you did too for you, and I think you did, because you just said it. It's not about you anymore. You use the experience as the story, but it's how it can inspire, can save lives. I've had the actual same thing is people writing to me and saying, your book saved me. And that's an amazing feel, feeling to have, without putting it as an egotistical thing. Because the whole thing is like, this has to be worth something to go through something that is so awful other people, quote, can't imagine it.
Kijuan Amey 1:01:51
Yeah.
Vonne Solis 1:01:51
Right? And I always say, I think we can imagine things we just don't want to.
Kijuan Amey 1:01:57
Yeah. Exactly.
Vonne Solis 1:01:57
Right? I think everyone can imagine something really horrible happening and and that is what brings about empathy and compassion, folks. So kudos to you for finding your purpose work. It does suck. It does suck. And for years in my bereavement, when people would say, I'm sorry for your loss, I would always say, that's okay. And then, I don't know, about six years ago, I went, Wait a minute, it's not okay. And so I'd go, Yeah, it sucks. I'm sorry too. But you know, I'm doing what I can with the experience and leaving a legacy behind. And what I can say, Kiwi, is you're leaving an amazing legacy behind at still a very young age, but with a jam-packed life that you've had, that a lot of people will never have have experienced at any age. So you know, just amazing on that in that vein.
What would you like to close off with? I did want to ask you, where are you these days? What's happening? I know you're doing motivational speaking. People can contact you at Amey, A, M, E, Y, motivation.com. If you could just explain the your resources, the services, what you do to help others? Yep.
Kijuan Amey 1:03:20
Yeah, for sure. You already kind of highlighted most of it. So again, you guys can catch me at ameymotivation.com. That is a m, e, y, motivation.com you can also find my book there. "Don't Focus on Why Me, From Motorcycle Accident to Miracle". You can find it on Amazon, Kindle, Audible, as well as Apple books. So feel free to check those out as y'all heard. She's seen me play the drums. But if you go on ameymotivation.com you can, too! If you'd like to book me for a motivational speaking or professional resilience speaking and or coaching, you can go on my website as well and book me there, and we can collaborate that way as well. So yeah, guys, go ahead and check me out. I'm also on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram as well as Facebook under Kijuan Amey. All you have to do is search Kijuan Amey.
Vonne Solis 1:04:14
Amey, yeah. So I do want to end with you staying saying saying, I may have lost my sight, but I did not lose my vision. And I think that's a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful personal statement that you have made. And do you have any, did there was there anything I didn't cover that you would like to leave the audience with Kiwi?
Kijuan Amey 1:04:44
Well, I will say that I am getting ready to start my own podcast, actually, and I'm releasing it here in August, August 27 2025. it will be called the No Sight, No Excuses podcast.
Vonne Solis 1:04:58
I love that. No Sight, No excuses? I love that. What's your focus going to be on that?
Kijuan Amey 1:05:05
Really just real, authentic conversations with me about, you know, well, yes, I don't have any sight, but I don't make excuses about it. And then we'll have, you know, different topics and different guests who you know, whether they have disabilities or not, we don't make excuses about our limitations.
Vonne Solis 1:05:25
Aha. I like that. I really like that. Well, I wish you tons of success with that, but I think that you're very successful in just about everything you do simply because of your attitude. And you know, you're definitely someone to look up to, as a mentor, as a coach, whatever. So again, audience, if you want to invite Kiwi to speak at one of your venues or to work with him, personally, visit his site ameymotivation.com and you'll find out all the things you need there. And I really recommend you read his book, get his book, read his book. I just loved it.
So I really appreciate your time with me. I could just end up talking about lots of different things with you, but we have to close this one off. And again, I just it's been such a joy, and I ended up asking you some things I wasn't planning on asking you. So, I appreciate you, you know, having a conversation that we went sideways a little bit, but I just loved, love, love, love, speaking with you and really grateful we we met Kiwi. Really grateful.
Kijuan Amey 1:06:36
No problem.
Vonne Solis 1:06:38
Thank you.