Ep. 116 Suspend Your Doubt: Why the Law of Attraction Isn’t Working (And What Actually Will)

What if success isn’t the problem but the way you’ve been taught to chase it is? 

In this episode, I sit down with Randy Lyman, physicist, entrepreneur, emotional intelligence expert and author, who shares how he reached high levels of success but still wasn't happy. This conversation flips the script on what abundance really means and why external wins don’t always translate into internal peace and contentment.

Here’s the shift: if you want a life that actually feels good, it has to start from within. In our discussion, Randy invites you to suspend your doubt by looking at the Law of Attraction differently. It’s not just about positive thinking. It actually responds to how you feel. When your emotions are unhealed, you will keep attracting the same patterns. But when you start doing the inner work, things will begin to change in a real, grounded way.

Put simply: Randy says your thoughts and actions won’t create lasting change. But feeling differently will! Your emotions are the driving force behind what you attract. So, if life isn’t shifting for you, it’s not about trying harder, but about healing deeper.

Drawing from his book The Third Element, Randy explains how the inner child holds onto unresolved pain that shapes your emotional patterns, reactions, and results. When you start healing that, everything changes. And this is where the the Law of Attraction stops feeling like a concept and starts responding to your positive energy in a magical way, helping you create the abundance and happiness you want that actually will last!

Stop chasing success that looks good and start creating a life that actually feels good. This episode will challenge everything you’ve been taught about achievement, happiness, and the Law of Attraction. If you’re ready to break the cycle and experience real, lasting change from within.

🚀✨ Start the shift ... tune in now!

Connect with Randy:
randylyman.com

Connect with Vonne:
vonnesolis.com

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Transcript

Vonne Solis  0:00  
Most people define success by how much money they have. Abundance is largely how big your house is like, how just everything being good in your life. Jump in.

Randy Lyman  0:12  
Because, because this is distraction from the things we don't want to feel and so we think the money is going to take away the pain.

Vonne Solis  0:19  
That's it. That's it. So what I learned from you is thinking about life as a game to really help people understand they don't have to stay stuck in their challenges, even when it's something unthinkable for others.

Randy Lyman  0:34  
Once we decide we're going to see those challenges and irritations as opportunity for growth.

Vonne Solis  0:39  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  0:40  
And we can embrace those challenges and look for the gift, then we find the gift in those challenges

Vonne Solis  0:45  
Correct. And I found it after losing my daughter.

Vonne Solis  0:48  
This is the Grief Talk podcast with Vonne Solis, helping you heal after loss and life's hardest hits. My guest today is Randy Lyman, author, physicist, entrepreneur and expert in emotional intelligence and service-based leadership. With over three decades of experience and starting from humble beginnings, Randy built multiple eight figure businesses, including an inc 500 company, earning multiple patents only to discover that success without emotional alignment does not create real fulfillment or abundance. Facing emotional disconnection, Randy turned inward, igniting renewed purpose with greater impact. Today and through his book, The Third Element, a number one new release in motivational growth and spirituality, he shares principles and tools to help individuals and organizations transform from the inside out. Turning emotional awareness and healing emotional patterns into authentic leadership, high performance and lasting abundance.

Vonne Solis  1:53  
So Randy, I want you to pop in and say hello to my audience, please.

Randy Lyman  2:00  
Hello. Good to be here today.

Vonne Solis  2:01  
Yeah, I'm so excited. So Randy, you and I connected and have communicated a little bit. I got your book The Third Element. I love it. We have to keep this to an hour audience today, but that's kind of okay. So we're going to kind of talk about the things that I think are important. I've been in metaphysics since 1982, so a long time. So when I was reading your book, it was familiar, and you know all that. So I want to set this up a little bit Randy, because you're a physicist, an entrepreneur, an author, and have had many successes. I want to build this interview around the context of wealth, because you certainly had that. And what caught what caught me to, you know, my eye about you is that the entrepreneurial, huge success, you know, 500 ink company, all of that. Listen, most people define success by how much money they have. And, that's in my that's what I have really felt over all the decades I've been at this. Abundance is largely how big your house is, like, how just everything being good in your life. Jump in.

Randy Lyman  3:21  
Because, because this is distraction from the things we don't want to feel, and so we think the money is going to take away the pain.

Vonne Solis  3:28  
That's it. That's it. So what caught me to you was somebody, one, who has had so much success. But two, went, Okay, I want to talk about emotions. So so audience, I want you to think about this. Whether or not, right up front, you believe that your worth is rooted in your materialism, wealth, okay? Whatever that, however that's defined for you. And two, how well do you know yourself emotionally? Because these are the two pieces we're going to bring together. Randy's book. The Third Element is a deep dive, I would say it will be a very deep dive for people that are new to this. And you you write it beautifully, and you weave in everything that you know, you talk about in terms of life as a game. So we're going to talk about that was the piece that got to me is to really understand life as a game. We're going to talk about this as if someone has basically no knowledge about going deeper and connecting to Source, because that's the other piece, which is millennial-old knowledge. We're here to connect to Source. And the way you share your information based on your experience as a physicist. Okay, so there's the science piece, right? And entrepreneur. There's the success. And then you go, but wait, I'm still not happy. There's a huge missing piece. So that's that could be you audience, okay? I don't know if you've had Randy's level of success, but being vulnerable about it. So we're also going to talk about the vulnerability piece.

Randy Lyman  5:04  
There's power in being vulnerable.

Vonne Solis  5:06  
Exactly. But culturally, why we think that people who are emotional are reactive instead of being very responsive to their life, and how a person can get comfortable with understanding it's okay to actually be vulnerable in their emotions. So that's what we're going to tackle today, Randy. You good with that?

Randy Lyman  5:29  
Yeah, absolutely. Let's jump in.

Vonne Solis  5:31  
Okay, so audience, I just wanted to give a little statement, what you say, Randy, from your book. Again, I want you to think about this audience as we move through this interview. So Randy, you state that our minds work tirelessly to try and make sense of the world around us by sometimes telling ourselves stories in order to create a false sense of safety. True. Survival brain. And when our minds build stories about the circumstances we experience, emotions are created within us in relation to those stories.

Randy Lyman  6:04  
Based on our hormonal response within our body. A whole variety, wide variety of hormones give us a physical sensation to guide us towards something good or away from something bad, and those feelings are valid only in that moment.

Vonne Solis  6:18  
Right. So we're going to dive into that as well. I just want people to understand this. They're living life. I'm going to just really paraphrase here emotionally based on what they have attached to their stories. Okay? And this isn't even yet getting into the part that we create them all, and I don't know if we're going to have time for that. I just want you to understand your life as a story as part of the game, and it can be changed. How you are perceiving your circumstances and your reality and your challenges, okay? The other thing I want you to really speak to a little bit but acknowledge here and you say that the emotional aspect of humanity is overwhelmingly, overwhelmingly overlooked, even when it comes to spirituality. That was a big piece for me, because I've been talking about this for decades. Like, we gotta look at the emotional piece. I don't know if you know Randy, but I lost my daughter to suicide in 2005 and so, right. And so I tell a lot of my guests, because through agents and even connecting on our own, you know, people don't have time to even really kind of go, well, listen, who's actually, who am I talking to today?

Vonne Solis  7:30  
Well, you are talking to somebody Randy, who has been in metaphysics for 44 years, and it's been two thirds of my life, and I lost my daughter to suicide when I was 23 years into my journey. So guess what that did? Yeah. I had to rethink everything. Not become unspiritual, because that was the core of who I was. But it challenged me to question every leader. The Secret was really big at the time. And you know what The Secret taught with all due respect? And many people got into that and quit because their life wasn't becoming abundant fast enough. And all this stuff, law of attraction, all that, everything you teach as well. So I've been around the block a number of times with this, and my teaching is very much rooted now in metaphysics, but really, really, really with one of the hardest losses, if not the hardest loss a human will be asked to bear, which is losing one or more of their children. Do that when you're in that much pain. So that's what my podcast is about, okay? So that's for you to understand when you are talking about and we're going to talk to the the lowest common denominator here, which is somebody has no experience and might be suffering the same thing in grief. Might be suffering, another loss. Might be just in so much trauma and grief from childhood experiences. So it's really that is the context and my platform is, yeah, life isn't easy, so how do we apply these concepts, thinking about doing it in the biggest challenges a person could face?

Vonne Solis  9:09  
Having said that I do understand and and respect that there are a lot of people that don't have extreme losses and great and some people sail through life, and we teach what we know. So but just bearing in mind, and if that hasn't happened to you, just bearing in mind, I want to shape this a little bit for people that that's that's where I come from. And, but I value your teaching, so that's why I don't have too many people on my show, like not just everybody. I need to learn something from them. So what I learned from you is thinking about life as a game. And look, we're gonna have a little bit of fun with that, and the things I've shaped it to is to really help people understand they don't have to stay stuck in their challenges, even when it's something unthinkable for others.

Randy Lyman  10:01  
Once we decide we're going to see those challenges and irritations as opportunity for growth.

Vonne Solis  10:07  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  10:08  
And we can embrace those challenges and look for the gift, then we find the gift in those challenges.

Vonne Solis  10:13  
Correct. And I found it after losing my daughter, who was 22 and she remains to be my greatest teacher. And we, in fact, enjoy real life, afterlife communication since last summer. We've always had it, but literally, I just went public with a podcast this week on my AirTag as a phone. She does call me regularly, and it's the coolest thing. So I do have, I've already established quite a practice, but in spirituality and all of that stuff. But I always stay open to new information. So anyway, Randy, let's get to it. I love how you ask, if our emotions are scary, useless and shameful, why do we have them? Good question. And then what you just said. The Third Element, your book, that practice invites us or calls us to see our challenges as what you just said, gifts, opportunities and realize the power and potential of divine love as we reconnect to Source. That's essentially your work. I wanted to start with the two rules you have. And are these the Game of Life rules, or just two rules in principle, for your spiritual practice and anybody else's?

Randy Lyman  11:21  
Only two rules that are absolute in our universe and our human experience. That's it. Everything else is pretty much a human, a humanly contrived rule. These are the rules that God gives us, and if I may?

Vonne Solis  11:37  
Sure.

Randy Lyman  11:38  
First one is love wins. When we respond to any challenge, any situation from a place of love and not fear, we can find a lasting solution. If there's any fear involved in our approach, we will not find a lasting solution. So first rule is love is most important, and love wins. Second rule is, God, Source, the Universe, Spirit, whatever want to call it, has no expectations for us and no judgement. But, there are consequences. So all of our lives are co-created for us with the Law of Attraction, moment to moment, based on resonance with our thoughts, resonance with our action and resonance with our emotions. Both real-time emotions and because emotions are bigger than Time and Space, any unprocessed emotions from our past are still vibrating and interacting with the Law of Attraction, to attract situations to us, to mirror those old vibrational emotional wounds and primarily, because God wants us to heal and wants us to let go of those wounds. So that's what our irritations are for is to remind us of the opportunity to heal. So again, no judgements, no expectations, but absolutely consequences, both bad and good. 

Vonne Solis  12:49  
Now I want to be clear for people that don't like the term God, that they have their own, are you referring to this also a Source, yes?

Randy Lyman  12:56  
Source. I refer to in the book as Source because I first wrote the first version a friend of mine says, where you get if you say God is going to turn a lot of people off. It turn a lot of people off. It turns me off. He said. So I said, Well, you call it whatever you want. I'm going to call it Source in the book, because source, by definition, means where everything began. 

Vonne Solis  13:09  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  13:10  
And, and I also say in the book, well, just pretend that that there is no Source, and still, if we're positive, we're going to have a better life. If we're negative, we're not going to have as good a life. But I'm assuming, and I write in the book, that there is something bigger than us that helps create our world for us. That's what Source is to me.

Vonne Solis  13:28  
Yes, wonderful. Source for me, over the decades, has evolved to, well, I refer to Source as God mostly. I grew up Christian. I'm not not a practicing Christian, because when I became very spiritual, to me, it was just I didn't want the confines of the Bible. And so to me, it's just this, you know, power. This, this power that we cannot see. We cannot understand. And it does guide us in in conjunction with so many other things. So we're not going to define that audience today. When you think about it, I just want you to think about if you believe in a power that's greater than than you as the human. And I love how you say human. That's us. "Being" is that other part.

Randy Lyman  14:14  
Spiritual part of us.

Vonne Solis  14:15  
Right? What is that audience, for you? If you're a newbie, have you had synchronicities? Have you had things happen you can't explain? What, where's that coming from? Randy, do you want to add to that?

Randy Lyman  14:27  
Well, we are spiritual beings.

Vonne Solis  14:29  
Yes.

Randy Lyman  14:30  
On a human, on a human path, playing this game, this limited game, this complex game of being human. But at our deepest core, we're spiritual. We forget that. We are supposed to forget that, and the game is to find our way back to that through all this. Everything, everything chaotic, is illusion. The only thing that's real is love, and the rest is all illusion. And once we get to a place of understanding that and realizing that, not judging ourselves, not judging the people around us. And becoming clear in our thought, clear in our actions and clear in our emotions, we can create a beautiful life. It works.

Vonne Solis  15:05  
I agree. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna just recap audience. So two rules. Source is divinely good and wants what's best for us. Two, everything we experience, good, bad or otherwise, is co-create, co-created for us and responds to us as part of Law of Attraction. Now, when I say co-created, I just want to say I believe Randy, real quick, that we designed our lives before we even got to the Incarnation with contracts, things like that.

Randy Lyman  15:35  
Oh yeah.

Vonne Solis  15:36  
And how we respond to that incarnation. Everything we experience is guided by the Law of Attraction. And, like you said, and you can, you can tell people. What's the Law of Attraction? Really quickly for the newbie, what is it?

Randy Lyman  15:53  
The Law of Attraction is things that are like each other, are attracted to each other. Now we learn, we learn in science with electronic charge and magnetism then opposites attract, but really with harmonic resonance at the deepest levels, things that are similar are attracted to each other. Now it's not just our thoughts, it's not just our actions. And the third element, as I describe in the book, our emotions, from my experience, is absolutely the most powerful, excuse me, most powerful component in interacting with the Law of Attraction. But people talk about our thoughts only, and we don't talk about our actions, because they're pretty obvious. If I step into another room, I manifested that reality of being in the other room through my actions, but it's still being created for me as I walk into the room.

Vonne Solis  16:36  
Exactly. So Law of Attraction. We're not here to specify, specifically talk about that audience, but it's huge. There's tons of work on it. You go deep into your book, really about Law of Attraction, but it's and that's science, right, Randy? You're...

Randy Lyman  17:32  
Yes, it is from 19. Yeah, two different, two different occurrences in 1927 both independent from each other. One of them was Heisenberg's uncertainty principle, and the other one was the double-slit experiment. And what these two, with these two groups of scientists, Heisenberg as an individual and the others doing the double-slit, what they realized was that what we see as solid matter is really energy until it's called into action by either being observed or being interacting with other matter. So everything is only energy. We know this at a nuclear level, and it's playing the part of our solid reality so we can play this game and have this experience in this hologram.

Vonne Solis  17:32  
Right, right, right. And so to be clear, thoughts are part of that right? Energy? Thoughts are energy. Our emotions are energy. We are energy. So it's natural. I did want to clarify, as a physicist, the Law of Attraction. We talk about it in energy, but is it also the vibration? That that there's a difference in vibration between certain things and good?

Randy Lyman  18:00  
Yes, yes because the vibration is the energy, and the energy is the vibration, and so that that whatever that energy is has its signature, and its signature is its vibration. And it's a complex vibration. If you get into Fourier analysis and other things, which we're not going to do today, if you get into the deeper into the science, it's all complex waves, but it is all harmonic resonance. It's vibrating energy.

Vonne Solis  18:26  
Okay, so the reason I'm asking this is people sitting there, miserable, stuck, hopeless. We live in a world that's creating a lot of challenges for us to think about ourselves, the world at large. I'm in Canada. Pretty dismal for some people, okay? So a lot of mental health problems. So you get somebody and they're sitting there going, Okay, I really want a better life. I really want a better life. But God, My life sucks. This is bad, that bad. Everything's negative. I want you to just tell them, if you can quickly, what's happening at a vibrational level for the Law of Attraction to respond to them with more problems, more challenges, things breaking down, bad relationships. What's happening?

Randy Lyman  19:10  
If I'm frustrated, then the Law of Attraction says, oh, frustration. I will bring you more of what you're feeling. I'll bring you more of what you're focusing on. I'll bring you more of what you're talking about and thinking about and so it says, Okay, I'm feeling, I'm feeling disappointed, and then I feel that, well, the universe brings me more things to be disappointed about. And then, now I'm really disappointed. Oh, great. We'll bring you more of that. Instead, I can, I can say, Hang on. I'm going to try something new. I'm going to suspend my doubt, and I'm just going to pretend I'm happy, and I'm gonna fake it till I make it. Now, that sounds really shallow, but I tell you, it's, it's a great place to start. And here's the something I talk about in the book. If we can find things to be grateful for. I'm alive. I'm healthier than my neighbour. I have a roof over my head, or at least, I have a doorway to sleep in. And we become grateful for that now suddenly we're vibrating at a level of thankfulness and gratitude. And that is the cheat code to go from this sucks to hey, this over here is really small, but it's still good. And then it gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.

Vonne Solis  20:12  
Yeah. So really simply audience, if you're in that, that negative headspace, everything in your life's negative. You could have the nicest house and the greatest job, and you're still miserable.

Randy Lyman  20:26  
I was that guy.

Vonne Solis  20:27  
You were that guy! And so, so really quickly, though, switching it, because there's going to be those, I don't believe that. Switching it just for a moment changes the vibration in milliseconds. As soon as you do the switch, the vibration changes, right?

Randy Lyman  20:44  
Yes, and it doesn't take that long for Law of Attraction, for reality being created for us to respond. It responds immediately. Now we don't see it in huge leaps forward.

Vonne Solis  20:54  
No.

Randy Lyman  20:54  
But it's happening right away, and it's preparing our future, a better future for us as soon as we're able to imagine a better future. Now, we have to also take the actions and we also have to heal our emotional wounds, but as we do that, there's really no delay except our belief and our emotional processing.

Vonne Solis  21:12  
Yeah. So listen audience, one of the great quotes I love from Louise Hay. If you don't know her look her up is "life is good, because I expect it to be good". Okay? There you go. And just think about what your thoughts are. And, like you said, it becomes, I think, a case of disciplining our mind to really, really shift from this isn't so bad. Are you a person that is a, you know, glass half-full, glass half-empty? I never even thought about it. But when I lost my beautiful daughter, I understood immediately I am a solution-oriented person, glass half-full. And I was so conditioned already to be looking for goodness in the experience. That does not negate all the pain and all that kind of stuff, but I was continuing to look for ways that I could make my life better and not make that experience so horrible that that's what would define me.

Randy Lyman  22:12  
You transformed your experience, and that transformed your life. We find what we, we find what we go looking for.

Vonne Solis  22:18  
Yeah. So it but, but I do want to say, Randy, do you think this is a daily practice because I literally do.

Randy Lyman  22:26  
Well, absolutely. And I tell people I've been on my path for 36 years, and I hope I'm halfway through.

Vonne Solis  22:35  
Maybe you're only a third through. Because I want to live long. I want to live.

Randy Lyman  22:40  
It's ongoing, and and I talk about this in the book as you know, God is boards.

Vonne Solis  22:41  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  22:41  
If you just, if you're living where everything's wonderful all the time, oh, then I want some excitement. I want something new. And that's why we're here. This is exciting. Now it's damn challenging and it's messy and it really hurt, but it's not boring.

Vonne Solis  23:01  
Yeah. Now everybody's gonna want to know, Randy, come on, you were making a mega bucks, right with your companies?

Randy Lyman  23:09  
Yeah.

Vonne Solis  23:09  
People are gonna want to know, okay, so because they think, Oh, come on, if I'm rich, if I'm rich, you know, everything's gonna be great. I'm gonna have a big house, we're gonna have a deluxe car, and I'm going to travel, and I don't have to work unless I want to. All those things. How about you clear that mistake up for folks and tell them what it was you discovered from having it all and still not being happy.

Randy Lyman  23:32  
So I was still pretty young, but at the age of 28 I started on my path. So at 30, I had multiple million dollar businesses. I can travel any way I wish to. And I had, I had everything I needed. I was living comfortably. I had the cars. Had everything. But, that didn't change how I feel. That didn't change my my outlook every day when I get up. If I was worried about my business, even though I'm making money. My mind, my patterns were saying, oh my god, this is not enough. I need to do more. The next the next step is going to make me happy, because I'm not really happy now, and I believe in my mind, this next step is going to make me happy. When I stopped and I realized what was keeping me from my happiness was my emotional pain I was avoiding. And I stopped, and I embraced the pain, and I cried the tears, and I dug in deeper, and I dug in deeper, and I flushed that. I let all that emotional pain come through over time. Then what happens is, when we let go of that painful emotional energy we're holding on to, love replaces what was there, and love is our natural state. But when we grow up as children, we take on this idea that we're supposed to be somebody different, and we take on trauma that we don't let flow through us, and it keeps us from being our true self. And that doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good to be remembering our trauma. It doesn't feel good to have worry and just think with our mind that the next step will make us happy. So that's where I was. And and eventually, when I met Maria in 1989 and she helped hold a space for me and guide me through a lot of my emotional release, and as I let go of the pain by embracing the pain, then love, love poured in, and my life improved.

Vonne Solis  25:16  
We're not going to dive deep, because you do talk about Maria in your book. I just want to say we need guides along the way. So again, keeping this to people who are brand new to this or on the way and maybe frustrated, your leaders, your teachers, will come to you when you are ready for the next bit of information. Right?

Randy Lyman  25:33  
Set the intent. When we ask, it will be given. So we set the intent. I'm ready to learn. I want a guide. I don't know who they're going to be. I just ask for the best who fits my situation and my experience the best today, and I surrender to what Source believes is best for me.

Vonne Solis  25:48  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  25:48  
Bam! Out of nowhere, whether it's whether it's three hours or three months, it will happen pretty quickly.

Vonne Solis  25:54  
Yeah, I believe, uh, Randy, I want you to talk about the game of life a little bit here, because so just to set it up. So I believe, as I said, we contract what we came for, but we don't remember. And so the game of life.

Randy Lyman  26:06  
We're not supposed to.

Vonne Solis  26:06  
I know. And so the game of life, I want to set the stage for this. The game of life is, and it reminds me of a board game. And you talk a lot about it in the book, it's great. You know, we're going around this board, so we're going through our life. And you can, I don't know I would. I would look at those lessons going around, or the board, the game, all my lessons, all my experience. I look at life as chapters and various things. Life changing depends what you bring into your life to learn. But at the root of everything, I've always looked at, there's something I need to learn from this. And so I love what you say, set the intent, because we will be asked, if you, I'm gonna ask if you believe this. We will be asked to deepen our knowledge the further we get into our practice. Do you think so?

Randy Lyman  26:51  
Absolutely. Because we're not given more than we're ready to receive.

Vonne Solis  26:55  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  26:56  
We're not given more pain than we're ready to receive. We're not given more guidance than we're ready to receive. The Law of Attraction - like attracts likes takes us in small steps. We don't jump from a one to 10. We don't jump from a four to a to a seven. We go from four to four and a half.

Vonne Solis  27:11  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  27:11  
And then from four and a half to four and three quarter, and then to five. And we incrementally like attracts like we step our way. But if we're trying to jump too far, the vibrational gap is too big, and the resonance, the harmonic resonance, will not make the attraction happen.

Vonne Solis  27:25  
Yeah. What do you want to say, Randy, about people setting intentions and setting goals and, you know, like, I'm on this path. I've got it, I've got it. And they're intending for things that they're really not in aligned with, that they didn't come to this life to experience. How, what do you want to say about people becoming more aligned with purpose and things that they things and people that they really do want in their life, which is not easy to really figure out for a lot of people. You get what I'm saying?

Randy Lyman  28:00  
Absolutely.

Vonne Solis  28:00  
You know what I'm saying. Okay.

Randy Lyman  28:01  
Absolutely. So I just, I absolutely disagree with a very famous channel who says, avoid emotional pain. I absolutely disagree with that. I say that our emotional, our emotions are guidance in the moment. Once the moment has passed, the energy stays, but the guidance is no longer valid. So if I have a pain, a frustration, an irritation, I want to dive in and feel that underlying emotional pain as deeply as I can. Because it's the emotional energy is like gasoline in a metal can. I can store gas in a metal can for 20 years, and when I pour it out, it's still volatile and it still burns, but once it's burned, it's gone. Now we can't always burn the whole can off at once. It's like peeling the layers of an onion, and we peel through a layer at a time. You pour out a little bit of the gas and emotional energy at a time, but every time we release it, it's gone forever. And thermodynamics, this is, this is the first law of thermodynamics and physics, energy is neither destroyed nor created or created, nor destroyed. Excuse me. And so when we have a mental reaction, our body creates hormones. We feel that energy, that physical energy in our body. We then store that, if we don't release it. And the only way, only way to heal emotions is through our body in the moment. Our mind is never in the present moment. So we can't process emotions which only come through emotions. All emotions only come through our physical body in the present moment. And that's why Eckhart Tolle talks about the present moment. Now he doesn't go into emotions like I do, but the people who say, avoid your emotions. No, no, no, no, no. This is gonna seem like it doesn't work. It's counterintuitive. It is the biggest gift we can ever have is to be brave enough to feel the pain, to cry the tears. I'm a 64- year-old man. I have no shame in crying the tears of my own emotional pain and letting it go, and that's where the power is.

Vonne Solis  29:55  
How wonderful. So I just to be clear, have never come across anyone that says avoid emotions, so that this tells you, in my reality, in my reality, it's all about emotional work. And I've been frustrated. I became very frustrated when I became bereaved in 2005 because I wasn't allowed to show my emotions and be authentic as a bereaved mom. So that my root, all you know, I became an author of three books. And the root of all of my work, you know, became very much about that. What you're saying. You're presenting it a little differently. I'm presenting it from the bereavement side, but the authentic, genuine side. And by the way, the word authentic is being thrown around too much, much. So I love like being truthful and honest and genuine with who we really are. And that is the biggest frustration in the grief world, is we have to hide our stuff. We have to hide our pain.

Randy Lyman  30:46  
No, we don't want to hide it. And also, when people talk about the Law of Attraction. Don't think negative thoughts. Don't deal with your negative because it'll bring you negative. No, embrace it. Work through it. Pour out that emotion, Burn it off. It's out of the way. Now, our thoughts are more effective, our actions are more effective, and but we have to embrace those emotions that are holding back. I look at it this way. So we can have our mind on track full throttle. We can have our our actions on track full throttle. But if we have emotions, we need to feel that we're not feeling? That's putting the brakes on the situation. And we got to release those brakes, and the only way to do that and move forward is to embrace it and heal it. It's messy, it hurts, it's not fun, but it's really freaking powerful.

Vonne Solis  31:28  
Yeah. Now I want to say, and Randy, you're probably going to concur with this. Work with someone, folks, if you are afraid to tackle stuff. I'm going to put a plug in for my Living Meditations channel I started in 2017. Bunch of meditations. I'm an angel channel, okay, for since 2006 and so I just live with angels like in my life, like that's that's it. And so I've done that, but having said that, go and work with people to guide you through the toughest parts. And I also am an advocate to make people aware. There might be traumas and things you can't deal with, and that's okay. Like, I'm not dealing with the trauma of my daughter's suicide. Okay? Not yet, because I haven't found anyone that would be able to help me with, well, I did find one person. But you have to be ready to embrace your changes, your healing, and I believe Randy and I want you to talk a little bit more about this. I believe that as you embrace vulnerability. Let's turn to vulnerability here, emotional vulnerability and surrender. When you are able to, I say, take just one little thing. One little thing. If you got a great big thing, a childhood trauma. Something that just.

Randy Lyman  32:43  
It'll wait. It will wait. It'll still be there.

Vonne Solis  32:45  
It'll still be there. No, take a frustration of the day. Start with something you might be able, I'm talking to the audience now. You might be able to work with somebody who's offering meditation. Somebody you know, because there's a lot of people in this state Randy that don't have money to go to therapy. You know, don't have money to go to self-help, courses and retreats and so on. And by the way, most, if not all, of our healing is very private and comes to us in our moments that we are alone and reflective. And so you've got to make the space to be reflective for yourself, audience. Randy,

Randy Lyman  33:23  
And not judge yourself. Not not have high expectations of ourselves. We don't have to do it perfectly. Not judge yourself. Just say, I I'm going to take this any way it comes. I'm going to find a way to love myself, and I'm going to accept the love that's coming through for me, because it's there for us when we allow it to.

Vonne Solis  33:38  
Let's go back to a rule, uh, Source is divinely good and wants what's best for us. Call it Source, God. That is a fact. Let's talk about that a little bit here, Randy. We must because healing is self-love. That's it. I'm telling you as a bereaved mom for 20 years, 21 in July. Honest to God, losing a child or any other horrendous trauma or loss, will give you years and years and years and years of the opportunity to stop berating yourself. To work out all the lessons, to work out all the emotions, negative ones, how much you hate yourself, all the regrets, everything you did wrong, etc. I'm telling you, choose your experience, and use those, each one of those emotions as it comes up. I'm going to offer this and Randy, you say what you want to do. Use each one to work on self-love and tell them if you agree with that or have another technique and how they can sort of almost discipline themselves to believe it.

Randy Lyman  34:42  
Now, I'm I'm gonna look at it from a different angle, which I think is still being aligned with what you're talking about. 

Vonne Solis  34:47  
Please do.

Randy Lyman  34:47  
I had, I had to realize and become comfortable with the fact that we all and I have an inner child. Now, my inner child loves to drive fast, loves to take risks. My inner child is where my joy come from. My anticipation of good things where my creativity comes through. So I don't let the inner child make important decisions. I let my higher self and my intuition, do that. But the inner child is a huge part of us. And so once I realized, wait a minute, this is real, and I embraced that child that's also where our pain resides. That's where our joy and our pain resides. And so when people can say, well, there is a part of me that's that understands and feels joy different than my mind does, and there is a part of me that feels grief different than my mind does. Find a way to listen to the inner our inner child, give it them, him or her a name. Listen to them and tell them you love them, and talk to them as if they're not part of your thinking mind. And that may sound crazy to people, but I'm, hey, I'm a scientist. I live in the real world, and for me, the real world is all about the inner child is really powerful and really helpful. And that's where I think people can find the most healing, the fastest is just talking to that part of themself that is waiting to be recognized.

Vonne Solis  36:01  
See, I knew I had you on the show for a reason. Okay. Nah, I'm just teasing you anyway. Okay, the inner child. Now, people have been talking, teachers, about for decades, about inner child, okay? But you're bringing something in my mind is, is thinking here. So here's a question for you. Do you think that as an inner as a child. Now I want to clarify. What do you think the inner child is? Is it the emotions from childhood that we literally experienced in this life, and it's all stored from all the pain and hurt, or even false beliefs we developed as a kid because most of us weren't allowed to speak and be heard. Now, so I want to, first of all, what do you think the inner child is? And then I have a follow up.

Randy Lyman  36:47  
It is the purest form of our human experience that is connected to Source at a higher level. Not through intelligence, necessarily for information, but intelligence in the way of feeling love, Feeling connection to other people. We can think we like somebody, but when we feel that person, and we meet somebody and we're comfortable with them, and then we can be happy, and we can be our genuine self. That's inner child. That pureness that comes through. A baby is born, that pureness is there, until the environment, the parents and the neighbours and the brothers and sisters and the environment, beats a message into us. We are a pure inner child, until we're reshaped, and then we have to, as we get older, let go of all those imprints and become our true self again.

Vonne Solis  37:38  
Okay, so audience, I'm just going to sort of paraphrase for the audience. So because I'm learning this for the you know how you're seeing it. So our inner child is that perfect perfection, a baby. Think of yourself as as pure essence, and you're right. They are. So that's why we when we have a baby, we feel a love we've never felt before, because we're we're we're we're being reconnected in physical form with that pureness. What you're just talking about, that pure energy, until all the crap starts. So.

Randy Lyman  38:14  
Exactly.

Vonne Solis  38:15  
So what I want to ask you is, if you could explain. So again, when, people, and I don't think we think of ourselves as a baby, but I've heard some teachers, and I've actually done this. Get, you know, tell you, get a baby picture of yourself. You know, get a baby picture of yourself. Keep it somewhere. Put it in a, I've talked mine in a book where I'm so happy, and it's before all the stuff starts, and I'm still a relatively happy person, by the way. But I'll expand a little bit, just for my point of view on this pureness. That's what we've chosen to come in. That's still who you are in this life. So well, there's the spiritual essence, the soul, part of your being, you are also physical. But I believe that we have all of that that can be expressed and experienced in physical if we can reconnect to it, yes?

Randy Lyman  39:12  
Yeah, it comes together beautifully. But our, our ego, has to be willing to partner with...

Vonne Solis  39:16  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  39:17  
our higher intuition. I talk about in the book how it took me time you accept fact that I was intuitive, and then, 

Vonne Solis  39:22  
yeah, 

Randy Lyman  39:23  
building that up over time.

Vonne Solis  39:24  
Yeah. 

Randy Lyman  39:24  
And I took the time to accept the fact that there's an inner child and create the relationship with the inner child, because I didn't want the child to be running my life. But it's not one runs or the other. It's a it's a balanced partnership. 

Vonne Solis  39:36  
Yeah. And one visual I had many, many, many years ago, in my earlier bereavement, was to imagine ourself at whatever age in this life as in the palm of your hand. I'm holding for the audio, my palm up, and imagine yourself in that Source is you in the larger body, and you are in the palm of Source. And it's kind of like a parent holding a baby or anybody else holding this, that brand new baby.

Randy Lyman  40:09  
Great description.

Vonne Solis  40:10  
But you think of yourself in that palm, and what would Source want for you? What would you want in protection and security and safety for that little, little baby you are? And that's another little visual I'll offer to folks that really helped me. Now, you know and you got to remember to return to it, because we will forget so, you know.

Randy Lyman  40:31  
But let me say something. So what's wrong with having God protect our adult self the same way he would protect our child self? It's all there. That energy is there as all parts of us.

Vonne Solis  40:43  
Good point. It's about believing in my simplest form. I really think it's about believing, Randy.

Randy Lyman  40:49  
Deservingness is a big part of the experience, as you said. And I worked through a lot of that this last summer, and it changed my life and really helped me. So it is a huge part of our evolution.

Vonne Solis  40:59  
All right, let's talk about it for a little bit. Gonna dig deep, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna have you follow up on that. So here you are, super successful dude. I called you dude because your cowboy hat. (laughter)

Randy Lyman  41:11  
Okay, I'll go with it.

Vonne Solis  41:12  
Ah, I'm just teasing you. Anyway, super successful entrepreneur, all this stuff. And even up to last summer 2025, you're working on your deservingness. Now that should, why? What's going on?

Randy Lyman  41:25  
Because I hadn't mentally, mentally, I have, I have created companies that have today that, after I've sold them, and all times gone on, done well over a billion dollars, a couple billion in sales, and all that. I've served many, many millions of customers. I've done a lot to serve humanity because I wanted to serve.

Vonne Solis  41:42  
Yes.

Randy Lyman  41:42  
And so I understood that I deserve. I didn't feel that I deserved because of the experiences I had when I was very young, and get the I didn't get. I didn't perceive the attention I was receiving as I being deserving. So my perception was I was not deserving, and I had built that story around my experience when I was young, and I held on to that story at an emotional level. Intellectually, is one thing, but since I went through that emotional release this last summer, a lot of things have opened up for me that I couldn't get through with my mind alone.

Vonne Solis  42:21  
So you raise a very important point. The story we tell ourselves, the beliefs we adopt from any age, they do not go away unless we acknowledge them. Embrace them. Work our way through those emotions and feelings and then surrender it and open ourselves up to the goodness we really do deserve. Would you agree with that, Randy?

Randy Lyman  42:45  
I agree with that, and I want to, I want to add one other thing so I don't talk about emotions and explain everything about emotions and focus on emotions, because I'm naturally an emotional person.

Vonne Solis  42:55  
Okay.

Randy Lyman  42:56  
That's not why I do it. I do it because that's the way the universe is put together. That's the lever to pull to improve my life. That's the lever to pull to improve my relationships, my abundance, my health, my wealth, all that. So I work on all three elements, my mind, my body and my emotions. But again, that's, I don't say this, because that's naturally who I am. I had to learn this, and as I learned it, and as I adapted to being more emotionally aware and more fluid in my emotions, the rewards are just so big. And that's what I want, that's the reason I wrote the book. I want other people to understand this, to employ the tactics and the techniques and such, and the understanding that I have to improve their life because every one of us has a reason to be hopeful. And every one of us can find ways to improve our life. And that's what I want people to experience.

Vonne Solis  43:43  
Yeah, it's really, I want you to explain the bones of The Third Element. What really is the third element? Break it down a little bit for the folks, and they'll get you, listen buy the book guys. You'll, you'll, it will require, I just want to say. It will require commitment and probably revisiting parts of it.

Randy Lyman  44:03  
Yeah, just read it over and over. It'll be there.

Vonne Solis  44:05  
Every great book does that. Every great book does that, so don't be put off by it. So explain The Third Element.

Randy Lyman  44:12  
Okay, so absolutely everything in our universe fits into one of three categories. Thoughts and information, physical body and the physical world, and our emotions. Our feelings are part of our emotions, our emotions. And that's it. There is nothing outside of those three categories. So I call that third category of our emotions I call it the third element. Is the third element, that of our experience that the Law of Attraction is creating our world in response to. And so that has been for so long people talk about our thoughts. We don't talk about our actions because our actions are so obvious, but we've talked for over 100 years now. Think and Grow Rich and such and The Secret and everything else about our thoughts. But what I've been looking at for about 34 years now is I'm just wanting to say, no, no, you can't ignore your emotions. That's the most powerful part. And so now I don't have to do that anymore. I have the book, and people can buy the book, and they can get it on Kindle for dirt cheap.

Vonne Solis  45:08  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  45:09  
They can watch my podcast on this podcast and others.

Vonne Solis  45:12  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  45:12  
And realize, wait a minute.

Vonne Solis  45:14  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  45:15  
 I'm, nothing is random. I'm responsible for my own life. I want to blame, but when I stop blaming and

Vonne Solis  45:21  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  45:21  
look for solutions, I can change myself. Now I'm empowered.

Vonne Solis  45:26  
And again, we're just talking tip of the iceberg here, folks, just to give you, you know, basic, basic surface information. Even what you just said, I'm responsible for my life. Ah, yeah, a lot of people don't want to be responsible for their life. And I do a lot of work in self-responsibility. Go and look at all a ton of my coaching episodes folks as well, because I do a lot of work in that. Because here's the thing. When something bad happens to us, we don't want to say, I created that. No. Somebody did it to me. Somebody did it to me. The world is bad. Life's bad. You know, everything sucks. Let's talk about being responsible, Randy.

Randy Lyman  46:08  
Okay, so 40 years ago, that was me. And so I tried to change everything in the outside world. I fired people. I got upset. I tried to set up boundaries. I tried to do all that. Now, sometimes it was it was warranted. But once I learned to wait a minute, look at myself first. What am I, what's my irritation? What's bothering me? Where am I blaming and how can I find an emotion within me related to this exterior challenge? Well, then I found that most of the time, the solution wasn't changing the other person. The solution wasn't discipline. The solution wasn't boundaries. The solution was emotional release. And I'm going through this and some challenges in my life right now, today. I have some things that are coming up that are irritating. They're frustrating. So what do I do? Breath work. I go for a walk. I meditate. I journal. I find a way to feel that pain, and then the problem, bam, it's just gone. And and for me, that's not magic. That's the way the universe works. But if somebody says, well, Randy, that doesn't feel real, try it. Suspend your doubts. Try it. And so we all have the ability to improve our life once we stop blaming.

Vonne Solis  47:15  
Yeah. And so really, in a nutshell, folks, let's not discount the importance of the mind and what we're thinking. Because if we think we're a great person and we have a great life, and we can be happy even if it's not within our reach right now, but it's all there. It's our thinking, our thoughts, our beliefs and so on, everything is in the emotional healing, though because that's what traps us, in my view. If we don't fix it, those thoughts, those beliefs, our mind is going to be cluttered with all the negativity. Do you think?

Randy Lyman  47:48  
If I go, yes. If I go back to God, I don't know. It's almost 20 years ago now, to somebody, a manager in my company, one of the people work with me, and they managed up a department.

Vonne Solis  47:58  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  47:58  
And they could not get their act together. And so I said, I'm going to look at myself. I worked through my emotions, and suddenly this person who was not doing a good job, who was not competent, they became competent. They started doing a great job. Their department improved, and it wasn't because of my thoughts, it wasn't because of my communications, it wasn't because of my actions. The improvements I had in their department was because I worked through my issues. Now, people say, Well, that can't be connected at an energetic level. As physics is proving everything is connected.

Vonne Solis  48:31  
Yes. Let's talk briefly about the ego, because I want to clarify. Are our mind, I mean, sorry, are our thoughts and beliefs related to ego, then?

Randy Lyman  48:44  
Yes.

Vonne Solis  48:45  
Okay.

Randy Lyman  48:46  
So the ego is that part of us that is our personality. It thinks. It has desires, it has goals and and it has things that it wants, and we need that. And we need it to protect us, and we need it to have, for for Source, to have unique experience through our free will. And, but if we let only ego run the show, then there's problems. But if our free ego partners with our higher self, and partners with our child self, and our ego finds balance, then it becomes beautiful. And the funny thing is, our ego, our mind, will protect us from everything except itself.

Vonne Solis  49:24  
Okay, maybe I'll title the episode this. Anyway, I want to just clarify again for the audience further to what you just said. The role of the ego, and this is from your book, is to help us feel secure and stable. And so when we look at that, and I've done other episodes with other people who work an awful lot in survivor brain, we need to survive. And so I'm we're not going to talk about all the parts of the brain. I've done other episodes. You can look on internet, you know about all the different parts of the brain and what they're doing, but suffice it to say, the ego is there, and you say, here's what I love. It works in the realm of the intellectual and material that it perceives as part of self and the parts we can control. But it also pushes us to want more, forgetting our divine selves and avoiding our emotions, and that is key to what we're just talking about. So if we're trapped in ego, and I would offer anybody who is a completely disaster in their life, and their life is a disaster, they are trapped in their ego, man, right?

Randy Lyman  50:33  
They're attached. They're attached to the...

Vonne Solis  50:34  
Attached.

Randy Lyman  50:35  
Not only the outcome they want. Now, God wants us to have goals or outcomes.

Vonne Solis  50:38  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  50:39  
But we should be surrendering here I want this or better. But what, what Source does not want us attached to is the path between here and there, because our human mind has a path that it can create that's limited. Source can see opportunities for a much better path. So,

Vonne Solis  50:55  
Yes.

Randy Lyman  50:56  
keep the goal. Keep keep the end goal in mind. Keep the desire in mind. But surrender it step by step to a better path.

Vonne Solis  51:03  
Yeah, here's another visual I learned decades ago. Ego is the path we're climbing up the mountain. Source is the view from the top. And therefore we don't know. So to put it in very real terms, if you are stuck right now. If you feel challenged. If you're desperate to change your life, but you don't know what's around the corner. Randy, what do you want to say to somebody who's stuck like that? That is very ego when we're trying to make something happen? It generally never works. It doesn't for me. And then when I surrender? Take it away. Just guide me. Then things turned out far better than I could have ever planned from ego. What do you want to say to people who are sort of stuck in this attachment to ego?

Randy Lyman  51:49  
Ego and what Eckhart Tolle calls the pain body always wants to be right. We don't have to be perfect. When we say, okay, I don't have to do this perfectly. I don't know what to do. I'm asking for guidance. I surrender. I'm going to take my steps that are obvious in front of me, but I'm going to look for signs. I'm going to look for signals, and I'm going to be open-minded to see what else can come along. And again, when we try and be when we try and do it perfectly, we limit ourselves. Now, if I'm building medical equipment or I'm building an airplane, yeah, I want to do that perfectly. But if I'm doing emotional growth, I'm not going to do that perfectly.

Vonne Solis  52:23  
No, and you're going to do it all your life, folks, once you commit to this. I also think it's, it's a practice that we have to, first of all, sort of be curious about the idea. Once we embrace it and commit to it, it's going to be lifelong, because Randy, we're never, ever going to be without some challenges, right? How do you want to?

Randy Lyman  52:42  
That's the game. That's part of the game because we wanted that. We asked for that. We opened up the brochure and I said, Oh, here I'm going to get bullied in junior high, and then I'm going to break my wrist later. I'm going to break my neck when I'm seven years ago I broke my neck. We're going to have go through divorce. We're gonna go through a lot of other things. And we chose all those, and we looked at the menu before we came down here for this life.

Vonne Solis  53:02  
Exactly. So not to as we get to the top of the hour here, not to not talk about the game of life. So just to put it in terms, again, from your book. You say the game of life is how the Law of Attraction works, and it is to help us return to our true identity connected to Source, or God, whatever you call it, folks.

Randy Lyman  53:22  
Yes.

Vonne Solis  53:23  
So I want people to understand the game of life a little bit. So when we've talked about everything we talked about and people are like, Oh, wow, oh God, but I don't want the problems. I'm just going out partying, which, you know.

Randy Lyman  53:37  
How's that working out for you?

Vonne Solis  53:38  
Yeah. How's that working out for you? Or, I'm addicted to these relationships that don't work or anything else that feels like discord in your life. Randy, how can they get themselves into a mindset of, oh yeah, this is a game. Think of yourself going around the board game, game of life. I'm supposed to get back to Source. How can the and that's where the challenge is, and I want to embrace the lessons and the challenges. Really, really in a nutshell, what would you tell them as a first good step, or a beginner who's getting frustrated, how to stay the course?

Randy Lyman  54:15  
This is the theme of my book. First, we want an understanding how the universe works. Then it's great to see examples of somebody else who's used it, and we see it works.

Vonne Solis  54:23  
Yeah.

Randy Lyman  54:23  
So we have an understanding, and then we see some by somebody else's example. We see light at the end of the tunnel. And then, and then when we see light at the end of the tunnel, and we're willing to go down that road, go down that path, and take chances and learn new things, but first we have to have something that gives us a sense of safety. And that's what is a big part of my book, is the understanding and the examples provide safety, and once a person is there, then and I'll give a plug for the book again. Chapter Seven, I go over 14 different 14 different exercises people can do to work towards emotional healing. So intention, understanding and start doing the work knowing that it's going to be messy, but it's worth it.

Vonne Solis  55:03  
Yeah, and so again audience, get Randy's book, but there are so many books. But I want to make a plug here for those of us who work in the emotional part of it. Again, respect to all the things that were going on in the early 2000s and Secret, you know, and Law of like just there were a lot of folks back then, but you said earlier yourself, they were concentrating on the thoughts. Change your thoughts, change your life. The emotional piece has largely not come out in a big way to be worked on. And so we need to bring attention to this and that's why I was so excited to have you come on the podcast. Because we we are, we need to do this. I want to also speak again as we round this out. So you say that being emotional is synonymous with being reactive, rather than rational, and herein lies the fear of being vulnerable. So in order to embrace everything you talked about and we've talked about together in this podcast, they got to get vulnerable and emotional, as you said. Tell us and the audience, if how they can do this without the fear?Because I felt this in my early bereavement for years. Like that you're a nut case. You're being emotional. You're a train wreck. That is, we're afraid of our emotions. So what would you say to encourage people to not be afraid of the thing that scares that the bejesus out of us?

Randy Lyman  56:31  
Get a piece of paper and a pen or pencil and start writing out what we're thinking, what we're feeling, the problems we see in life and the solutions we think we have. And once we're there and our mind is in charge and we're writing out our problems and we're writing in the possible solutions, then we can write out what's the feeling is underneath it. If we don't identify that feeling, it's going to get louder and louder until we pay attention. And the fastest way to pay attention to our feelings and take that the negative energy away from it, is to acknowledge it by writing it down. And for left-brained people who want to be in charge, that's easy. For people who are afraid they're gonna get stuck in their emotions, they're still operating from a place, their mind. So it's not about making decisions based on emotions. It's not being an emotional mess. That's not the goal. The goal is to be aware. To be fluid and letting it come through, and having the mind be involved. So for me, pen and paper is always powerful.

Vonne Solis  57:22  
Yeah. One thing and we're going to close off, but I want to say, and I have, I love as author to author, plugging our books. So I struggled until I wrote my third book about all my emotions related to my daughter's actual death and choosing to die. And and I called it Lessons in Surviving Suicide, A Letter To My Daughter. And I took a couple years to write that. And that was my emotional, my absolute emotional, I won't, I would say, looking it in the face like you say? And dealing and working through it and then going, Wow, that felt it was, it was, was a catharsis for me, but also cleared a lot of them. So I do want to reiterate, this is a journey. Folks, that when you embrace your stuff? Go to the emotion and it and, um, you know, there, I think there's an emotional wheel you can get as well I've worked with to go, what am I really emotional about here? And what emotion is it?

Randy Lyman  58:20  
I have a workbook that I wrote for myself three years ago that my marketing manager said, let's publish this.

Vonne Solis  58:25  
Okay.

Randy Lyman  58:26  
It's called The Emotional Healing Workbook. I  went through about 13 different problems with it. I don't have a copy to show you now, but Randy Lyman, The Emotional Healing Workbook. It is extremely powerful.

Vonne Solis  58:36  
Is it on your website randylyman.com?

Randy Lyman  58:38  
There's there's a link to it on my randylyman.com.

Vonne Solis  58:42  
Okay.

Randy Lyman  58:42  
So it's available online.

Vonne Solis  58:43  
Okay, so there you go. That's a guide and a support, because when we go through emotional stuff, we need something to understand what the emotion is. That is a very big piece, because we are not emotionally literate folks. And so I have pointed people over the last few years to emotional wheels and dig down, but now you got another resource, which is Randy's workbook. Okay. I want to just close this off Randy, and I want to remind the audience that you say see negative experience as necessary contrasts and learning opportunities, no matter how impossible it may seem or how bleak the circumstances. Last tips on, and you say, winning isn't a singular moment. It's a state of being. So 

Randy Lyman  59:35  
It becomes a state of being.

Vonne Solis  59:37  
So last tip on just getting them started and understanding you don't have to win this thing in one fell swoop or in the next year. It is a lifelong discipline, and the rewards are worth it. And I would just like to again state, what you think you want today may not be what you actually want, or came here to do. Bear that in mind. What are your last thoughts on it? On it, Randy? This has been great.

Randy Lyman  1:00:07  
Be willing to cry the tears, knowing that they will not overwhelm you. They won't take us over. They will, if we avoid the pain, it will take over our life. If we embrace the pain and we feel it, then, now we're in charge. And it'll only go as fast as we're ready to go. Never fear the pain. God doesn't give us more than we're ready for. That's my advice.

Vonne Solis  1:00:31  
I believe that. As a bereaved parent, we don't get what we didn't come here to handle if we choose to handle it. Randy, we kept this to an hour. It feels like a marathon. So get the book. Listen to this again. We're just giving you surface stuff, hey? Just throwing out basically the tools, the wisdoms, the the science, the rules. We're just throwing it all in this hour, jam-packed with with knowledge. And invite you to just be curious. Somebody I have who channels Einstein says, treat life like a science experiment. Become the experiment. And I love that, because that's what curiosity brings us. All right, Randy, we're going to close this off. Any final thoughts? Did you want to talk about anything that I didn't get to?

Randy Lyman  1:01:18  
Well, you already mentioned it. People need to be checking out your podcast. People need to be seeing the work that you're sharing. I'm serious. They need to be seeing the work that you're sharing because you've lived this. You're still living it. And you're a great example to people of what's possible to take a horrific experience and turn it into a growth opportunity and an opportunity also to learn and grow and help others.

Vonne Solis  1:01:40  
Yeah. Well, also and, and to you as well. Thank you so much for being vulnerable. Thank you. And it's randylyman.com that people can go to, yes?

Randy Lyman  1:01:50  
Yes. Exactly, l, y, m, a n. randyyman.com.

Vonne Solis  1:01:53  
Yeah. I'll have the link in the show notes, and there's just so much. So we were out of time on this one, but Randy, thank you for being a wonderful, wonderful guest, and great meeting you and chatting. So thank you.

Randy Lyman  1:02:05  
Thanks for having me on. It was a lot of fun.

Vonne Solis  1:02:06  
Okay, thanks.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai