Raise Your Hand: A Guide to Confidently Asking for Help

Ever found yourself in a sticky situation, only to realize that reaching out could have saved you a lot of stress? I am here to guide you through the seemingly daunting process of asking for help. I'll share my personal experiences and tips that will equip you to confidently seek assistance, ensuring you're not left stranded in challenging times. In our enlightening chat, you will learn about raising your hand at the right time and approaching the right people to enhance your life experiences.

This episode sheds light on the art of asking for help and how to graciously receive it. Through my experiences and struggles, we'll dive into how seeking help is not a weakness but a testament to your strength. We'll also discuss how to recognize when someone may need your help and how to make mindful requests. So, tune in to this empowering conversation and step up your game in harnessing the power of asking for help. By the end of this chat, you'll be better equipped to reach out when required and will understand the profound impact it can have on your life.

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Transcript

Ciera: 0:03

You are listening to Confidently Beautiful with Ciera, a podcast to help you stay confidently beautiful, because we all have confidence inside us. We just need to bring it out and I'm here to show you how Body image, dreams, parenting style, personality and more. Here we cover it all. Get ready to stay confidently beautiful. Hello, welcome back to another episode of Confidently Beautiful with Ciera. I am your host, Ciera, and I'm so happy to have you here listening, whether you're a first-time listener or a frequent listener. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day and I hope that you can get some good nuggets from today's episode. Today I wanted to talk about raising your hand. Raising your hand and asking for help can be one of the hardest things, so I was. It was funny.

Ciera: 0:49

I actually wrote the notes like the outline for this episode. Every time I do an episode, I keep it pretty unscripted. I like to have it really authentic and real and like I'm actually having a conversation with you. I imagine that I'm just sitting here talking with my closest friends, and I like to keep it really natural. But I do have an outline typically that I use to make sure that I'm hitting all the points that I want to, and especially if I am having a guest on the show, then I want to make sure I am getting all of their expertise and all of their knowledge into the whole episode. So I kind of give myself a little outline. But a funny story is I wrote out the outline for this episode in particular. I thought I would call it raise your hand.

Ciera: 1:35

I know for me there are a lot of times in my life when I do need to raise my hand and ask for help, and it can sometimes be really, really hard. There have been times when I have just like suffered through something or I have just felt like, well, I'll figure it out and I've just pushed my way through, and I then look later, or like when I finally did raise my hand and ask for help and I think, oh man, if I had just reached out to this expert or I had just asked somebody for some assistance, like how much easier it would have been. Whether it's just like knowledge that I need or if it's actual service, like physical service, that I need, or like emotional support. I think about that with, like my therapy experiences, like if I just pushed through something and I don't ask for help then, versus the times when I actually like would take the time to go to therapy and I would take the time to learn and I would take the expertise of the therapist and all of that like how much easier it was to get through certain situations when I did reach out to a professional. So that is kind of like my thought process of how I wanted to, why I wanted to do this episode and it was funny because I did this outline, and then I get a text from one of my really good friends and I feel like right now, in this stage of motherhood and the age of like I'm in my 30s and just life is just busier.

Ciera: 3:01

My husband's career is a lot more established. He's busier and kids are keep me busier. I'm pregnant. That keeps me busy. I have my own business and my own goals is keeping me busy and I think a lot of my friends are in the same boat, and so I don't talk to this friend as often as I would like to. But I was so glad that she reached out because she was like the perfect example. She knows that I'm always there for her. When we do see each other, it's great. She's one of my best friends and somebody that I have been friends with for a really long time.

Ciera: 3:34

But it can be hard even to ask your best friend for some help, and she had texted me and she needed some help and fortunately I was able to do it and so I was able to commit and help her. But and then I told her thank you for asking and she just kind of joked about sometimes like things that make her need to be a little bit more of a healthier person and actually ask for help, and I thought how true is that statement? Like we are not necessarily being healthy people if we are not asking for help when we need it, if we're not going to the experts and asking them for their guidance when we need it. And so I have 10 ways that I personally have increased my confidence in raising my hand and asking for help, because it can be really really hard to do, even to your closest friends, but there's no reason to be suffering in silence, and so I am not an expert at this, but these are 10 things that I personally have done or have found that have helped me in times when I do need to raise my hand and ask for help, that have helped to just make things a little bit easier. So this can be anything from mental health, physical health, childhood caretaking, marriage, house parenting, like literally anything, and there's so many ways that we can raise our hand and ask for help.

Ciera: 4:53

So my very first suggestion is to write your list of your five people and it doesn't have to be five, but that's just a good number. But who are your people that you can go to and you are comfortable asking for help? Or maybe you're not totally comfortable, but you're the most comfortable asking for help. So this could be a mom, this could be your spouse, this could be a really, really good friend. Like who are you the most comfortable asking? And I think it's important to do that now, before you are in that like crisis mode or in that overwhelm, whatever it is you're feeling when you're needing to ask for help, because if you can do it when you have a clear mind, then you're gonna be able to think more clearly okay, these are the people that I need to go to to ask for some help or for some knowledge or whatever it is you're looking for.

Ciera: 5:45

Number two I like to remember that I'm not the only one Like that is something for me in particular, like with my house. Like I struggle with my house after I have babies I think probably most moms do but that is like a big thing for me. Like that's the very last thing that I want to be doing when I have a newborn. I love the newborn stage and so I just want to like soak in all those baby snuggles and all the things. But then I have my other kids that I want to make sure I'm getting attention to and all of that. And then I have my own personal care that I want to make sure I'm like maintaining and I'm actually taking a shower and I'm doing the things that will help me to feel good. And then I also have like the connection with my husband that I want to make sure I'm spending that time. I probably, like, my biggest love language with my husband is quality time, and so, like me, spending that quality time with him is really important. So my house work is not a priority a lot of the time because I have all those other things, but when I have like a newborn baby, then it is definitely like that that's the last thing that I want to be doing, but also, at the same time, for my mental sanity. I need to have a peaceful environment.

Ciera: 7:02

So it can be really, really hard for me right after I have babies with my house, because I need that, I need the clean space, I need to not have the chaos of the clutter, but I also have all those other needs that are a little bit more important. So it's really hard for me to just shed the embarrassment and just be like it's okay. My house is a disaster because I'm taking care of the areas that I also need and to ask for help during those times when, like, I maybe am embarrassed with how many dishes are in the kitchen sink or how dirty the floors are. I have a lot of tile in my house and the tile can get so dirty and so just to shed the embarrassment and remember that I'm not the only one. There's a lot of other people that like, maybe their house is the same for whatever reason, for whatever their reasons are, and to like and just be like it's okay. This is just a time in my life, like it's not gonna be like this forever, and I need a little bit of help right now and that's okay. So that's just an example, but just to remember that you're never the only one. Whatever it is you're struggling with, you're never the only one who's alone in it.

Ciera: 8:11

My third tip that can be helpful in asking for help is to practice gratitude. So when I obviously when somebody helps you, you're extremely grateful, and so to thank them and I mean that's kind of common knowledge like you're gonna thank somebody who's helping you but also to practice the gratitude before you even go and ask for help. For example, when you have a sick child, you can have gratitude that you have resources at your fingertips. There are some of my favorite accounts that I follow on Instagram that can help to give me knowledge and it's almost like I'm raising my hand and asking them for help. Maybe I'm not physically asking them, but I'm like going to their Instagram accounts and I'm getting like Shannon Tripp. She's one that I like. I love Shannon. She's a nurse and she posts awesome stuff and she talks a lot about like sick kids and wellness, and so like raising my hand and asking for help. It could just be me like I mean, she doesn't see me raising my hand and asking for help, but it could be me purchasing one of her courses or just reading a blog post that she has, or listening to one of her podcast episodes, and that could be me raising my hand and asking for help and then, if I need more help, then I can be grateful that I had that resource of like Instagram or whatever, but then I can be grateful that I have other resources Like I have a doctor that I can call and I can just be grateful and appreciative of all of the resources that I have and then take advantage of them. So they're there, like I'm gonna be and I'm grateful for them, so why am I not gonna take advantage of them? So that is like, probably not something that you would think of when you're thinking of raising your hand and asking for help, but having that gratitude mindset before you go in and ask for help whatever it is that you're asking has been really helpful to me to when I'm asking for help and for knowledge or assistance or whatever it is.

Ciera: 10:06

The fourth one is to remember that someone might need me more than I need them. There is maybe a friend in your life who is maybe craving some sort of connection or like feeling like maybe you have helped them a lot in the past and like them, they're feeling like I just want to do something for this person and so maybe you asking for some help could actually help them just as much, or maybe more, than it could be helping you. And the fifth one is to preface it with please say no if you can't. Because I, for me, I hate it when I feel like I'm asking somebody and they're saying yes out of obligation. So I always like to preface it like you are not the first person I am asking, like and even if they are like it's okay, I have other choices, because in reality we do, we all have other choices, and so I always just like to preface it with please say no if you can't, and then it removes the guilt from me, so that's on them. If they say yes and they like really can't or whatever, then I have done. I mean, I have done my part and I have asked for help and I've been a healthy person that way. But I've also been like please don't put yourself out if this is not something that you can do, and then I can feel like I am guilt free from asking them for any help.

Ciera: 11:24

Number six is to allow someone to help when they offer. Sometimes for me that can be really hard, and there are times this is like a healthy. This is a hard one that you have to have like a good balance, because, yes, there are sometimes when, like people are asking to help but maybe it's something that is actually not going to necessarily help you. You can still be so grateful that they are willing to help, but you don't have to feel like you have to allow them to. But then there are times when somebody is offering to help and it really would be helpful and you don't need to be like superwoman and just say, no, it's okay, don't worry about it, but just allow them to help. You don't need to worry about they're. They're the ones who are offering, so you don't need to worry about, like, their schedule, their whatever it is that they have going on in their life like they're offering to help you. So allow them to if it, if they're offering to help you with something that you're like actually that's really not going to be helpful. Maybe you could give them a suggestion.

Ciera: 12:24

I have found that, like sometimes they will, somebody will say, hey, would it be helpful if I did this, or can I do this for you, and maybe that particular thing wouldn't be helpful, but I can think of something else that would, and so you can just gratefully and nicely thank them for being willing to help and say you know, what would actually be even more helpful is if you did this, or is if you could talk to me about this or teach me about this, or whatever it is. Number seven is to say no lovingly to the things that won't help. So that kind of goes along with what I was just talking about just kind of pivot, like if it's, if it's actually like more going to be more, more burdensome for you. People have such good intentions. And just to remember that like we are so grateful that people are willing to help or or want to offer their advice or their expertise, but maybe there are sometimes when it's not going to help, and so if maybe someone's offering some advice that maybe is actually not super helpful to you or not good for your mental health, then just to thank them like thank you so much for caring, and then maybe just to pivot them in a direction that might be a little bit more helpful for you. And it's okay to say no lovingly, like it's okay. You don't have to feel obligated that you have to say yes. Number eight is to hire help. This is obviously a wonderful blessing if you are, and when you are able to do this, and even if it's just like a one-time thing, like it's okay, like to pay somebody to do something that you are perfectly capable of doing, but maybe you just don't want to or you would rather put your time and your energy and your resources into something else. Like you don't need to feel guilty about hiring help if you're able.

Ciera: 14:08

Number nine is to don't just blindly follow, but to ask questions. So I think, like we do, we can think of this oftentimes with, like medical stuff. Like we raise our hands, we ask the doctors like, please help, I need help with this. But you don't need to just blindly follow all of their advice. You can also do your own research. You can follow your own intuition, um, whether it's like mama intuition, if it's something for your child or if it's something for you and just to follow your own intuition, to do your own research, and you don't have to just blindly follow the experts. This doesn't have just have to be medical. This could be anything. This could be.

Ciera: 14:49

I think we can get really sucked into, um, like the social media world, like even this podcast, for example. Like we can get. We can get really sucked into influencers and experts in certain fields, like, uh, minimalists or um, cleaning accounts or or beauty accounts or like anything um, we can. We can get sucked into their at, their expertise, their knowledge, and they're like you should do this, like you need this. This will change your life. Don't wash your hair every day, take this supplement or do this type of exercise. Like we're getting thrown so much advice and so many things and so we don't need to just like blindly follow, like, even if it's somebody that we absolutely love and that we follow and that we have done their stuff before and we've taken their advice before and that we've really loved it, don't just blindly follow. As you are searching for advice or help with something, do your own research, listen to your intuition, ask questions when you're able and, um, you will. This can be a really really helpful tool in raising your hand and asking for help, like you can ask for help, but you can also form your own opinions. You can also get your own knowledge and you can also know for yourself what you should be doing in certain situations.

Ciera: 16:06

And number 10 I've kind of talked on this really already, but just to to ask an expert. So, whether that is like actually physically talking to someone or, um, maybe you have a friend who has been through an experience like, yes, they could, they could be considered an expert in something because they have gone through it. So, if you're a first-time mom and you are like, is this normal, like should I be feeling this way, like, or whatever it is, or just I just need somebody to just let me just get the words out and just somebody who has been there, somebody who's had a miscarriage before, somebody who has, um, dealt with like infertility or infidelity from their husband or whatever, whatever it is that you're going through that you need help with, ask an expert or somebody who's gone through it and that can be really helpful in your healing. Or you're going through the process of a certain trial or a certain experience, or raising kids or whatever it is that you are going through. So those are my 10 tips. I hope that that was helpful.

Ciera: 17:08

But next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, stressed, unsure, just feeling like you can't get anything done, or you need help with an idea or like how to execute it, something it doesn't even need to be anything negative, like it could be like I'm really really excited to be doing this, but I have absolutely no idea how like it's okay to ask somebody. Ask somebody to help you, ask for help, raise your hand. Don't suffer in silence, don't drag out the process longer than it needs to be, when you could get some really really helpful knowledge or expertise or hands-on assistance, and I hope that this can be helpful in your life, whatever it is that you're doing motherhood, career, marriage, personal anything have a beautiful day and stay confidently beautiful, and I will talk to you next week. Thanks for listening. Connect with me on instagram at confidently beautiful podcast and share this episode with someone in your life who could use a little reminder of just how amazing they already are. Stay confidently beautiful.