Next Level Play Therapy: A Podcast for Play Therapy Excellence
Join me on Next Level Play Therapy, a podcast for child and adolescent therapists seeking to elevate your play therapy services. Hosted by Cathi Spooner, LCSW, RPT-S, at Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training.
Each episode delves into the nuances of play therapy, exploring innovative techniques, evidence-based practices, and practical strategies for providing exceptional therapeutic experiences. These engaging discussions cover a wide range of topics, including building rapport with children, how to make sure you get great outcomes for clients, therapeutic toys and tools and strategies to use in sessions, addressing trauma and attachment issues, engaging parents, promoting emotional regulation, and nurturing resilience for children and their families.
Whether you're an experienced therapist looking to refine your skills or a novice clinician venturing into the world of play therapy, the Next Level Play Therapy podcast equips you with the knowledge and insights to enhance your play therapy practice. With interviews featuring experts in play therapy, exploration of best practices, discussion of game-changing principles and strategies, this podcast equips you with the tools to unlock the amazing power of play therapy to transform the lives of children, adolescents, and families.
Tune in to Next Level Play Therapy and take a journey towards becoming an exceptional play therapist as we navigate the next level strategies that lead to profound healing and growth for children and their families.
Next Level Play Therapy: A Podcast for Play Therapy Excellence
How to Work with Resistance in Play Therapy: 4 Approaches for Reluctant Clients
What do you do when you keep getting frantic phone calls from caregivers between play therapy sessions telling you all the things going wrong with their child?
You feel the weight of these phone calls and the pressure to make everything better- quickly.
You’ve tried many times to get these caregivers to schedule an appointment with you but there’s always a reason they can’t meet with you.
So, you spend hours writing emails and responding to phone calls with little to no success.
Or - what about the client that seems to do the same thing week after week after week in their play therapy sessions?
You begin to wonder if play therapy is really working and start to second-guess your clinical decisions about what to do in sessions.
You start to research new play therapy activities and frantically try anything you can in play therapy sessions - hoping that something will “work.”
Sound familiar? Working with challenging cases in play therapy can leave you feeling defeated, frustrated, and wondering if you’re making the right decisions or making things worse for your clients.
If that’s you, then join me for this weekly podcast! I’ll discuss how to engage children and caregivers who are resistant to play therapy.
I’ll share insights from neuroscience and attachment theory that provide the keys for engaging even the most challenging clients and their caregivers in play therapy.
Join my free Facebook Community Play and Expressive Arts Therapy Playground.
Check out my free resources for mental health professionals working with children, adolescents, and families who want to integrate play therapy and expressive arts into their clinical work.
I work with individuals and agencies to develop successful strategies and meet the treatment needs of your child and adolescent clients and their families using play therapy & expressive arts.
Contact me to schedule a free 30-minute video call if you're ready to level up your skills
Welcome to Next Level Play Therapy. A weekly podcast dedicated to supporting the next generation of child and adolescent therapists to provide exceptional play therapy services. We'll explore all things play therapy to elevate your work with children and adolescents using the therapeutic powers of play. I'll discuss practical tips and ideas so you can provide a transformative experience for your young clients and make a real difference in their lives. So get ready to take your play therapy skills to the next level and make a lasting impact in the lives of children, adolescents, and families. Hey there. Welcome to this week's episode of Next Level Play Therapy. And today we're gonna talk about something that comes up a lot. We talk about this in my new membership when we do our consultation calls, that's Play Therapy Elevation Circle. And then my higher level consultation program for people pursuing their registered pre play therapy credential, and that one's Play Therapy Academy. This question comes up a lot. It comes up in trainings. It comes up in, in my membership programs. So I thought it would be a good topic for this week's livestream episode and podcast episode. So whether you're watching the livestream replay or you're watching live, um, or listening to the podcast, this is something that I hear a lot, which is my clients ref parents are refusing to schedule or I can't get care parents to schedule with me. And then you're kinda in your head, you're like, oh, these parents are so hard to work with. They're refusing. They're resisting. My client is refusing. My client is resisting. We all have these on our caseload. We've all had them on our caseload, and so I thought it would be uh, helpful topic for this week's episode. So for those of you who are watching live, I would love to know who's here. So if you will go ahead and post in the comments, whether you're watching on Instagram or you're watching on YouTube or LinkedIn. I would love for you to post your name in the comments where you're from, what population do you work with, what play therapy model you use. We're gonna talk a little bit about that today when it comes to this topic, because I think it's something that it gets overlooked a lot to be honest, when I, I talk to a lot of people who contact me about my membership programs and this comes up a lot, so that's what we are gonna talk about today. Raise your virtual hand if you have ever gotten those phone calls between sessions from parents frantically leaving you a message, about all the things that are going wrong. Or you're getting the emails or you're getting the texts. These are typically the same parents who you've tried to come in, get to come in for a parent only session, or maybe you're doing those five minute check-ins. They're never five minutes at the end of the session. Um, I call those drive through parent meetings like you're driving through to McDonald's. Um. Or maybe you have a client who is doing the same thing week after week after week, or maybe you're, you're trying your best directive play therapy activities, and your client is not having it. They are not interested, they don't wanna do it. So if you've had those, that is what we are talking about today. Because these, these cases can feel you, make you feel drained, feel like you are not doing a good job, wondering if you're the right person for the job. Maybe thinking you should secretly refer them or privately in your head you were wishing you could just work with the kids and not the parents, and that would make your life easier and you wouldn't feel frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed out, and burned out. Today, I wanna give you some tips to help you create some shift when you're working with these clients. So that's, I'm gonna share a little bit of my, um, some insights that from neuroscience and attachment theory. I'm gonna share some things that I've learned after almost 35 years in the child and adolescent field. Um. So let's get started for today. So that's what we're talking about today, for those who are joining us, we're talking about how to work with resistant with resistance in play therapy, and what are some approaches for these reluctant clients. The first thing I think we need to focus on is shifting our language. So when you use the word resistance, you are typically talking about, um, when you use the word resistance, you're typically already kind of blaming them in your, in your head. You're, you're thinking they're like trying to have power and control. And they don't want to. So we kind of secretly in our head blame them. Or when we're talking about them to maybe a colleague, we're talking about, we're using the word, oh, they're resisting or they're refusing. Which is really in our head we're, we're blaming the client. So what I would propose, first and foremost, just as a general rule, just don't even use those words ever. When you're talking about clients, when you're talking about parents or caregivers of clients, don't even use those words like that. Those two words are not part of your vocabulary, you are going to change the word to reluctant. You can already see the difference. I mean, you can feel the difference inside. They're resisting. They're refusing, versus they're reluctant. Reluctant then kind of shifts your mindset to figuring out, oh, okay, well why are they reluctant? What's going on with their reluctance? And here's what we know, they probably don't feel safe for, for some reason. And that's, that's the mystery that has to be solved. What's going on that they aren't feeling safe yet. And the other question is. What do they need in order to feel safe? So those are just the, that little word shift changes your mindset and helps you look at things a different way. And I always think of it like, uh, DBT. So any of you. Raise your virtual hand if you love DBT. So I'm a play therapist and I still love DBT. I feel like those can go together when you're using, um, a directive model with the older kids. But I also, I look at DBT as a way, uh, like a mindset shift in and of itself. And so with DBT, like you can, you can look at them. It's acceptance and change, right? That's the basic dialectic for DBT, acceptance and change. Acceptance is my client is doing the best that they can at any moment in time, they're doing the best that they can. Even with the maladaptive behaviors, even with the things that set them up to fail. Acceptance is my client is doing the best that he or she can or they and change. They can do better, right? So willing hands, half smile. I've been using that one a lot at work lately just because I've been dealing for, with some challenging situations myself at work. And so I, I use my DBT skills willing hands, half smile, and it makes such a difference. I do that every time. I'm like, like now I'm just doing it again because I like the way that it feels inside when I do that. So acceptance and change, shift your mindset. They're reluctant, so figure out why, what's going on and what do they need in order to feel safe. The second thing that I think is important to think about from the very beginning, and I see this happens a lot, that play therapists, especially new play therapists, and in the beginning I did this too. I just learned along the way, through experience and after lots and lots of frustration that I need to get clear about my expectations and I need to clearly communicate those.'Cause I can remember this was years ago, I can remember just being so frustrated. I tried to be so accommodating to this parent, single parent, getting family members to help out, bringing my client, her child to play therapy sessions and, client was really young, and so I was really trying to be accommodating and supportive. Nothing was working. I could not get this mom, uh, maybe I got this mom to schedule with me once. And then, could not get it to happen again. And I used my best rapport building skills. Um, and nothing could not. And then I was getting so frustrated and I found myself being really blamey in my head and getting kind of angry, not to the client if this is like, when I was thinking about it. And I thought to myself, well, hold on there, Cathi Spooner. I talk to myself sometimes. What, what's going on? Why are you so mad? And then I, I identified, okay, well this person's not coming in. And then I thought to myself, well, clients don't know how this works. I think in the mental health profession, we often assume, because we do it every day, every day, all day long, year after year, after year, this is what we do. But our clients don't do that. Parents don't do that. Parents don't know how this works. You're the expert. They're whether or not you feel like the expert, you're the expert and they wanna bring their child because you said you could fix this. Didn't you say that in all your marketing? Put that on your Psychology Today profile. Put that on your website, said you could fix these things. So in their mind, they're bringing their child for you to fix things. And they don't know how it works and they don't understand stand their role. So when I got honest with myself about that, I thought, holy cow, I have been blaming and I have not made this clear. So I, I'm kind of chasing after them trying to get them to do what I want. But I've never really communicated what the expectations are because I wasn't clear with myself, what the expectations were. So I think this is something that gets overlooked a lot. We talk about this a lot in my membership programs, which is you have to get clear. There's two things you have to be clear about. One is your expectations, and the other thing is, your play therapy model. You have got to have a model that you are working from. It's your GPS. It's what tells you what you are doing in every stage of the change process. It's what tells you what to look for and what to do in the sessions. So getting clear about expectations and providing structure, the structure being your expectations, as well as what play therapy model are you using? Your play therapy model helps you understand where you are in the change process and how are you applying your model, right? Your model is only as good as your ability to apply it because theory and application are connected and sometimes feel like they are miles apart. Like we have our theory, but how do you actually apply that? And to me that is the beauty of, um, the consultation we do in a membership programs. Like I, I'm about to, um, open up registration for my new membership program, Play Therapy Elevation Circle is coming up. And I have a webinar, which I'm gonna talk a little bit more about at the end. So if you're really feeling stuck, then I have a free webinar coming up next Monday, August 11th. So you, you're, I'll tell you more about that one. Um, but this, this is something we talk about a lot. What are your expectations and what is your play therapy model? So your expect expectations are what, how? What are your expectations about how often you're gonna meet with clients and why? I feel like if you're working with kids, you need to meet with them weekly. If you wanna gain any traction for change, a week is a long time for a kid. So explain why. Parents often want to do every other week, and sometimes you may end up doing every other week, but every other week is part of the discharge process where you are scaling back the scaffolding. And this is how I explain when these things come up. I, I explain the reason to help parents and caregivers understand the reason you have these expectations. What are the expectations you have for parents and how often you're gonna make meet with parents and, and what's the reason for that? What's their role and why are they so crucial to the change process? You wanna explain all of that. This is also where your play therapy model comes in, because depending on your play therapy model will influence how caregivers or parents are involved in the process. So when you're explaining expectations, you also wanna explain your play therapy model and how that works. The third thing for overcoming resistance or reluctance is really, I like to use a neuroscience and attachment lens. I feel like any play therapy model, you can plug in neuroscience and attachment theory in that, in that model. And so if we look at things from an attachment standpoint, a neuroscience standpoint, we know that in order to engage in the change process, clients need to be feel safe. They need to feel, because what we're asking them to do is to come in and change. And change is uncomfortable. And children come in, they don't know you. They don't know how this works. Parents come in, they don't know you. They already feel like failures. Because something is wrong with their child. So they already come in feeling like they've done something wrong and they, they might be carrying a lot of shame and guilt about that, which of course is not gonna make them feel safe, and they're sure you are thinking the exact same thing, even though you're probably not. So we know from neuroscience and attachment theory, if we're encountering a client who's reluctant or parents who are reluctant, then let's use neuroscience and attachment theory and make sense of that. And if we do that, then we're making sense of it by, by coming to the realization that they're probably not feeling safe. We're asking them to change. So the first thing that we're gonna work on is how to create rapport. A lot of play therapy models, I would even say mental health, like even when you're working with adults using adult models, congruence for unconditional positive regard and empathy is key. So congruence is a really fancy term for saying, internally and externally, I connect with this experience. So, um, and I'm, I'm fully present in the moment experiencing internally unconditional positive regard for my client and empathy, and then it kind of comes through my presence with my clients. I'm fully present and so we'll get out of congruence. We have to recognize when that happens. If you're interested in more about congruence, I've talked about that in previous episodes, so you may wanna pop back and listen to or watch some of those episodes that I did on congruence. We know that, that it's really important to create that safe space. Being attuned to our clients so that we can read their cues in the moment also helps us to adjust and shift and make sense of what's happening in the sessions. Then based on your theory model, your play therapy theory model, that's gonna influence what, um, how you make sense of where that child is in the change process, what stage of play therapy they're in, and what are you gonna be doing in that session. So first is create that sense of safety and maintain it throughout the change process. Especially when you come to those points where there's some, um, challenges going on. Again, notice I'm not using the words resistance or using. I'm gonna shift that to challenge and then I'm gonna go back to, okay, so what is this? I'm gonna get curious about it. What's this reluctance that's happening, creating this challenge right now? Let me see if I can figure out what that is. And your play therapy model is gonna influence how you make sense of that, and what are you gonna do? The, the last thing, the fourth thing that I think makes a huge difference. Is the power of community. I, I really, since I've been doing these membership programs, Play Therapy Academy and also my newer membership, um, registration is opening soon for that one if you're interested. Um, but one of the things that I've learned, 'cause I I did a beta launch, back in March. So we've had that program going for a little while and it's beta version, and I see this in there as well. The power of community, the power of coming together when you're feeling stuck. When you're feeling lost, maybe you're not sure what to do. Maybe you're curious like, Hey, I'm running at ideas. Help me out here. You don't have to figure it out all on your own. Nobody can do this job alone. You can never really figure it out all on your own, 100% of the time, year after year, after year after year. I, I've been working with kids and families for probably 40 years now. First as a special education teacher for kids with emotional problems in an elementary school, self-contained setting. Then I went, did a brief, um, brief job. I think I, I lasted almost a year back in the late 1980s as a, uh, residential. I loved working with the, the teenagers. It was just not a very healthy program at all. It was a very unhealthy program. This is back in the late eighties. Um. As a, as a residential staff, which was, I love that experience, but it made me realize I, I really wanted to be a therapist. So then got me into, um, becoming a child and adolescent therapist and I. I still need help. Like I listen in the community when we meet for our consultation meetings, which are struck, you know, structured we'll, we'll do the staffing. We'll figure out what's going on, and then we'll figure out a plan. I get ideas one, I even hear other members of the community share their insights, especially the new people. You guys don't give yourself enough credit like you got into this field because you have some good intuition and the the insights that you have to give are, are really good. So in a community we have, we have people newer to the profession. People with, I would say moderate exper, you know, length of experience and then very, very seasoned people. Coming together, you get such a well-rounded, I always say kind of a 360 view of the problem. We can look at it and identify like what's going on, and then figure out what's the reason that's happening, the play therapy sessions or working with parents and then what, what is your play therapy model? How can you apply that? What would that look like? And then help, help clients to move forward. I, I also think being in a a community helps you to stop second guessing yourself all the time, like leaving a session wondering, did I do the right thing? Do I need to refer this client to somebody else because I'm not doing a good job and I might be making things worse? When you're part of a community, also starts to build your confidence. One, you can see what others are doing, so you learn from others and what they're working on, and then how that applies to your client. But also you realize you have a lot more wisdom. You get support in order to have more confidence so you have less burnout. And um, plus you also have a place when you're, you know, having a hard day and, you have your community of play therapists who get it, you don't have to explain play therapy. You can talk to your community. They can say, hey, this thing happened. I'm feeling really kind of down about this, and we all kind of support you and give you virtual pats on the back and tell you, actually, you probably were doing better than you thought you did. But also celebrate your, your wins. Like we get just as excited. Ask any play therapist to show you their playroom. We are all about that. We get so excited about, you know, like new activities that you found or like how you're rearranging and setting up your playroom. Like we get super excited about that. So, uh, to me that's the missing ingredient that we don't talk about a lot is the power of a play therapy community. And I say play therapy specific because it's a community of child and adolescent therapists who get it. You don't have to explain play therapy to them. They get it and they can jump in right away and help you, um, get unstuck where you're feeling stuck. So that is it for today. Let me do a quick recap. Today we are talking about how to work with resistance and play therapy for approaches to help reluctant clients. First thing is really reframing resistance as reluctance. Just throw out, refuse. Throw out, resist. Don't even use those words in your vocabulary anymore when you're talking about your clients. Um, shift to reluctance. And when you shift to reluctance, you're gonna look at things differently. You're gonna look at what's going on and how can I help my client? So if they're reluctant, they're not feeling safe. Change. We invite them into the change process. It's painful. Change is hard. It, it brings up all our insecurities, all those lies we tell ourselves in our heads that makes us feel shame and guilt and unworthy and unacceptable. And, we are new to our clients. They don't know us yet. We haven't built that rapport. So resistance is really about reluctance. I would add, including when you get to that middle change really deep into the change process. Change is painful. So, if you're hitting some challenges where your clients are kind of struggling, then it's, if you look at it and frame it as reluctance, then you're gonna look at, okay, what's going on here? What's happening that is activating not feeling safe or activating this reluctance? And then what can I do to help them work through this? Acceptance and change. If we think about DBT Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Acceptance and Change, our clients are doing the best that they can at any moment in time and they can do better. But in order to do that, they have to be safe. So the the other equally as important thing, um, so. Point number two, strategy number two, or feedback, suggestion number two, whatever you wanna call it, is be clear first and foremost with your expectations. Be clear with yourself. What are your expectations? How do you want this to work? How do you work? Be clear with yourself, because then you have to communicate that to parents or caregivers, and you need to explain the reason for those expectations. Part of that expectation is what is the role of parents in the change process? And so that will translate into, how often are you meeting with them? What are those meetings gonna look like, and what is the reason those meetings are critical for success to happen? How often are you gonna meet with the child? How, how long are your sessions? What happens if they miss a session? Do you charge for missed appointments or no-shows? How much time do you require to cancel an appointment? Those you need to be clear with yourself about, and then you need to communicate those. The other thing is, what is your play therapy model? You really need to be clear with yourself first, what play therapy model are you going to be using and what is the reason for that and what is that gonna look like? Because your play therapy model is what is guides you through the change process and helps you make sense of what to do in each stage of play therapy and the reason you need to do that in each stage of the play therapy session. When you're clear about your play therapy model, you can also communicate that to parents and caregivers, why you're doing what you're doing, and why do things work the way that they work. What's the reason for that? Because your play therapy model is gonna be like your GPS and help you understand how to get through all of those things. And when you hit those road bumps. Um, or hit those roadblocks or then it'll, your play therapy model's gonna help you figure out what to do to move forward. So be clear about your expectations, be clear about what play therapy model you're using and the reason for that. And then you need to clearly communicate that to caregivers and to clients. Strategies for overcoming reluctance really is if you look at this from a neuroscience and attachment standpoint, anytime you hit any reluctance, it's an indication of your client's not feeling safe. Something just got activated. What is it? And consider the possibility of not feeling safe. And what do you need to do in order to create safety? Because pain is, uh, change is painful. I got that backwards. Change is painful. It's gonna activate things. It's gonna activate, um, maladaptive patterns of behavior. And then what's the reason that maladaptive behavior got activated? Your play therapy model is gonna help you understand that. It's gonna explain that, and then it's gonna help you understand what to do. If you're looking at this from a neuroscience and a, and, neuroscience and attachment framework, then we're gonna automatically go to safety and security. What just happened and how do we reestablish that? Or how do we establish that in the beginning? And then in the, in the nitty gritty, deep down change process, what are we gonna do to reestablish that? If something has, um, ruptured that safety. And then the fourth thing is the power of a play therapy community. I really think we don't talk about this one enough. I, and I've, I've noticed such a difference in, myself when I had a play therapy community or even it was just like a friend, like way, way, way back I was, I had learned my play therapy model. I had gotten my registered play therapy credential and I was still struggling,'cause now I didn't have the support and I kind of, and I was the only play therapist in my, my community. And there were like 200,000 people in the community and that like quite a few therapists, I was the only play therapist that I knew of until I met my friend, and then she and I were, it. So we were kind of a, a support for each other, and that made such a difference to work through. And then I, I created, this was way, this was back when I lived, uh, on the East Coast. And then I, I had a, um, I created group practice and we only did play therapy, so we kind of created our own little community there. But I saw a difference in the quality of play therapy services that I provided and that the therapist in my group provided.'Cause we did a lot of consultation and then, then I moved across to the other side of the country here in the United States and I, I had nothing. Um, and then I, uh, so I, I noticed a niche and I, I started doing some consultation and then creating community. And what I've noticed in the memberships is just the quality of play therapy that is being provided. And you can see that when, when they, when that their play therapists do their case presentations or, we'll, we'll staff those. You can see the confidence in their voice. You can see the confidence in their feedback and the wisdom that's happening. And so I, I think, um, it, the power of having a play therapy community really is important because you, you get support. You don't have to do it alone. You don't have to feel like you're second guessing yourself all of the time or wondering if you're doing the right thing or, um, going into what I call the spaghetti against the wall model, uh, which is I'm just gonna pick play therapy activities and do those and hope something sticks at some point. It's an awful feeling. Um, and when you have the support, it does make a huge difference to learn your play therapy and model and how to apply it and then figure out what to do in your sections. You start, you have a place where you can bring some of those really tough and challenging cases where you're feeling burned out and overwhelmed. I probably secretly wishing you could just work with pa uh, the child and not the parents.'Cause usually that's where we get stuck. But it, but we get stuck with kids too. We can work with some challenging kids and then feel, a lot of like, you're letting your clients down, like you're not a good play therapist, and the likelihood it's that it's not very high, it's just that we can't do it alone. And you, we can't really go to adult therapists or therapists that are using an adult model because they don't really get it. You, you end up having to explain what play therapy is. Then you may get the looks or they're like, oh, they're just kids. Just play with them. You don't, you don't get any of that because we get it. We get what play therapy is. We, we, we are happy with your wins and we support you with your woes. So that is it for today. I do wanna let you know about my free webinar coming up, so the, if you're interested, it's the, I have a free webinar coming up. It's called How to Provide Play Therapy Without Second Guessing Every Clinical Decision, even with CH with, uh, complex Cases. So in the webinar I'm gonna walk you through, uh, like a three part framework. So I'll walk you through the framework and then we're gonna do a case study and we're gonna use the power of community to kind of work through that, get ideas, figure out what to do, um, to implement the, the, the framework to help you really get more confidence with your clinical decision making. Stop second guessing every decision and wondering if you should change professions or secretly wish you could run away and not work with parents or secretly wish you could refer your hard kids to somebody else who can do it better. So if you're interested, the webinar is on August 11th.
It'll be at 5:30 PM Pacific Time. Um, it'll be about 90 minutes. You can register. Registration is gonna close this weekend. Um, it's gonna close in a few days, so you'll wanna pop over to my website at rh play therapy training.com. That is RH play therapy training.com. Renewing hearts, play Therapy Training. Register for the training. It's free. So 90 minutes we will come together as play therapists. We will put our nerdy heads together and um, learn some, learn some skills. And if you're interested, I do have Play Therapy Elevation Circle is also, uh, registration, uh, is opening up next week as well. It's only gonna be open for a week. If you're interested in Play Therapy Elevation Circle, then head over to my website and go onto the consultation page and you can sign up for the wait list so that you get notified right away and you don't miss out. So that is it for today. Pop over to my website, sign up for the free webinar, and I will see you next week. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Next Level Play Therapy. I hope you found the discussion valuable and gained new insights and ideas to support your work helping children, adolescents, and families feel. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. Your feedback helps to improve and reach more people who can benefit from this information. Remember. Play therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth. Whether you're a new play therapist or experienced, I encourage you to continue your learning journey to unlock the potential of play in your own work in relationships. If you have any questions or topics, suggestions for future episode. I'd love to hear from you. Connect with me on social media and visit my website at Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training to stay updated on upcoming episodes, trainings, and resources. Thank you once again for listening to Next Level Play Therapy. Until next time, keep playing, learning and growing.