Next Level Play Therapy: A Podcast for Play Therapy Excellence

How Do Play Therapists Decide When to Include Parents in Play Therapy Sessions?

• Cathi Spooner, LCSW, RPT-S • Episode 87

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Have you ever had this happen with a play therapy client?


You greet your young client in the lobby and your client asks – “Can my mom/dad come with us today?”


Or maybe you’re talking with a parent who asks you what you do in their child’s play therapy sessions and why do you only work with their child?  Why aren’t they (parents) allowed in the play therapy session?


What do you say as you feel the lump in your throat growing and your voice stammers a little bit to find the right words?


Underlying these questions is a fundamental clinical consideration that requires you to figure out these two critical components:

🧭What do you believe are critical for providing quality play therapy?

🧭How will parents be involved in their child’s treatment?


So often play therapists just say yes to including parents in sessions, but they have no plan or purpose for including parents.


That usually results in confusion for parents about their role in the sessions and what are the expectations for them during the sessions.


Play therapists often feel awkward and unsure about what to do in these sessions, then doubt their ability to use play therapy effectively.


So, this week we’re going to tackle the question of whether you include parents in play therapy sessions.


Join me for this free weekly podcast! I’ll discuss three things you need to consider when figuring out if parents will be in their child’s play therapy sessions and how to include them.


So bring your pen and paper because this is going to be a practical application episode!

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Check out my free resources for mental health professionals working with children, adolescents, and families who want to integrate play therapy and expressive arts into their clinical work.

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Contact me to schedule a free 30-minute video call if you're ready to level up your skills

Cathi Spooner:

Welcome to Next Level Play Therapy. A weekly podcast dedicated to supporting the next generation of child and adolescent therapists to provide exceptional play therapy services. We'll explore all things play therapy to elevate your work with children and adolescents using the therapeutic powers of play. I'll discuss practical tips and ideas so you can provide a transformative experience for your young clients and make a real difference in their lives. So get ready to take your play therapy skills to the next level and make a lasting impact in the lives of children, adolescents, and families. Hey there. Welcome to this week's episode of Next Level Play Therapy, and today we are gonna tackle the question of how do you decide whether or not you're gonna include parents in the play therapy session? So raise your virtual hand, if you have ever had this happen, you walk out to the lobby, your client, your little client looks at you with just eager eyes with excitement and says to you, can my mom or dad come? Meaning can they come into the playroom too? And so you, you're kind of looking at that I, in your head, you have to make a split second decision of what you're gonna say and how are you going to answer that question? What I find is a lot of play therapists will just say, yes. Or they'll just say no. But most of the times I find they say yes because their client looks so cute and they don't wanna say no. Plus, you know, somewhere in the back of their head, they're like, oh, I don't wanna upset parents, or I wanna make sure parents feel like play therapy is working. Excuse me. And it matters. So, so you end up saying yes more times than not, and then what happens is the session is kind of awkward. You are not sure what what to do in there. Parents aren't sure what to do in there. And so you kind of end up wishing you hadn't said yes and feeling like maybe you're not doing such a good job with your client. And the reality is that's probably not true. It probably means there's a couple of things that you need to do to figure out how to respond to that question moving forward, and that is what we're gonna talk about today. And today. I wanna make today more of a practical application. So. If you're, if you're watching on the live stream and you have a pen and paper handy, then pull those out. Or maybe you're watching the live stream or replay, uh, here on LinkedIn or over on YouTube or maybe in my Facebook group.'cause we post the replays in there. Meta won't let me go live in my Facebook group anymore. That's just annoys me. But anyways, we figured out a, uh, a workaround. And I also, if you're watching live here on Instagram or the replay, then uh, I would advise you go ahead and pull out a piece of paper, a pen or a pencil, work play therapist. So if you wanna pull out some colored markers, feel free, because this is gonna be kind of a practical application. And then for those of you listening on the podcast, if you're driving around, maybe later when you have a chance, go back and listen to the podcast and maybe answer some of these questions as well, just to get a good sense.'Cause I really, I was really thinking today's episode would be kind of like a, a workshop experience to give you a little opportunity to think some of these through and really get some practical applications for what you wanna do. So I'm gonna tug through a couple of things, working with parents as a whole, bigger spectrum of things, which is why I created a really comprehensive online course, which I'll talk a little bit at the end if you want some more support working with parents. I will be talking about that a little bit later. For today though, I wanted to give you some practical opportunities to figure a couple of things out for yourself. So I'm gonna share three tips to think about when considering how you're going to involve parents in the play therapy process. So, today's episode is How Do Play Therapists decide when to include Parents in Play Therapy sessions? The first thing you need to think about is what is the purpose of parents in the play therapy process? What is the purpose of having parents in those play therapy sessions? And so you really need to be clear with yourself first about this. If you wanna take a little more deeper dive into this one, the two previous episodes livestream, episode replays are available and the two previous podcast episodes, you may wanna go back and, and listen to those and kind of think some things through a little bit. For today, you what I want you to do right now, and you can, if you're watching the replay or listening to the podcast, you can pause it and think about it if you want, if you're following along with the live stream episode, then pull out your paper and pencil or colored or colored marker if you want to. So the first thing to think about is write down at least two reasons parent, you think parents are important in their child's treatment? Write down at least two reasons. You can write down more if you want, but I really want you to think about what are your beliefs about the role of parents in their child's play therapy treatment. Because what ends up happening is it's if you make decisions, but you're not real cl, if you make decisions about how you're going to include parents, but you're not really clear about their role and your beliefs about the role of parents, then you're, you're not gonna be able to articulate as well as you want to to parents and then you're gonna feel like you came across sounding like you don't know what you're talking about. Your insecurities will kick in and you will, um, just kind of verbally inside your head, mentally beat yourself up a little bit. So we're trying to avoid that by really getting clear first on, what are your beliefs about the role of parents the play therapy process? So write down at least two to three reasons for that. Secondly, write down if you believe individual play therapy sessions are better, meaning you get a better outcome for your clients if you just do individual play therapy sessions. Excuse me. Excuse me. I got a little tickle in my throat. I have some water. Whew. I hate when you get those tickles in your throat 'cause then you're like, oh, I can't talk. Which is what I have going on right now. Alright. Got my water ready. If I need to take some more drinks, I'll So write down. Your, your beliefs and, and you're just doing it with yourself. So get really honest with yourself about this, really honest about what do you believe about individual play therapy sessions rather than having parents in the play therapy sessions and under what circumstances would it be beneficial to have parents in the play therapy session? So you, you, you wanna get really honest with yourself and here, here's what you wanna get honest about. Um. Why do you do play therapy sessions over including parents? Like what's the reason you're doing individual play therapy sessions rather than including parents in actually in the session? And what does that, what does that look like? If you include parents in there, what exactly is that? Like, how do you do that and why do you do that? So what I want you to get really clear with yourself about is, do you just do individual because everybody else does Individual? Do you just do individual play therapy sessions because the thought of having parents in the play therapy session is terrifying and you don't know what to do? Do you do it because the Association for Play Therapy says the, and you learned in graduate school and maybe your supervisor said the child is the client, so you can only do individual because that otherwise you're not really supporting your client. If the client is the, if the, if the child is the client does that, what does that mean? I think it can mean a few things and I'll talk a little bit more about that. And I have talked about that in previous play therapy sessions. I'll be talking about that a little bit. I mean, in previous play therapy, live, live streams and the podcast, and I'll be talking about that more in the, in the weeks to come, but, but for today, when you're listening to this or you're watching this, really think about what you believe about individual play therapy sessions. And are those better than having parents in the session? And why is that? And if you included parents, what circumstances would you include parents? The, the reason that I want you to think about these and get really, really clear with yourself about your expectations for parents and how they're gonna be participating is it's gonna help you answer the question of whether or not you're gonna say yes or no when your client looks at you with their cute little face and says, can my mom or dad come in today? Can my mom or can my dad, mom or dad come in our our play therapy session today? Because without that clear purpose, then you're not gonna know if you, if you invite parents to join you under those circumstances, or maybe parents are looking at you like, why can't I be in the session? Why, why do you only meet with my client? Like in the back of your head, you're wondering, well, what do they think I'm doing in there? Um, but they don't know. That's, I mean, they don't know you're the play therapist and they don't know how it works. Or maybe a pediatrician or another therapist told them it's supposed to be a certain way. So they're kind of going by that because they trust those other professionals who I don't really know much about play therapy that, um, so you can hear my dog. Those of you who are probably watching or listening, you can probably hear my dog, Luna. Luna is greeting our, our neighbors who may or may not be in the yard she's been, oh my goodness, she has been barking up a storm lately. But I, I don't think she's barking at anybody, but she's letting 'em know just in case. But anyways, you can probably hear my dog Luna in the background. She's, she's been on a barking bender today, this morning. Alright, so back on track. So that's what you wanna do for step one. The second thing to think about is, what does your play therapy model say? Because your play therapy model is going to influence the decisions that you make about the role of PA parents. So here's what I want you to do for step two, write down what play therapy model you use, and then write down at least two to three reasons that you align with that specific play therapy model. And if you, if you're not using one of the, um, what the Association for Play Therapy would call Seminole and historical models, like, um, maybe use a few of them and more integrated then, then write down, in your integrative model, what play therapy models are you integrating in? Or what theoretical models are you integrating in and why? What is it that you align with about those models? Write that down, and so you can pause the, you can pause the video if you're watching the replay, or you can pause your podcast, if you're listening to the podcast, um, if you're joining live and you're writing them down, I'm trying to talk a little bit more so you have a, an opportunity to, to write those down and to think about it, but also kind of stretch your, stretch your thinking a little bit about that. So here's the reason that I am suggesting to write down two to three reasons that you align with your play therapy model. One is because we don't really think about it, like, why do I align with this model? Why am I using this model, which is then gonna match up with what are your values about providing play therapy? What are your belief systems about providing play therapy? And then those are going to influence the decisions that you make, the clinical decisions that you make about how parents are gonna be involved. Because first, your play therapy model is gonna influence or dictate how parents are involved. Or if they're involved in the play therapy sessions. So what does your play therapy model say about that? What does your play therapy model say about the role of parents in those play therapy sessions? What does your model say about family play therapy sessions? Do you invite parents and do you invite siblings in the play therapy sessions, or maybe you do sibling only sessions? What does your play therapy model say about all of that and why? Why does your play therapy model say that? Here's the thing, when you can get clear about these questions, then you are gonna be able to be more clear and, uh, articulate, communicate more effectively to parents and to kids about whether or not parents are are included in the play therapy session as well as how they're included in the play therapy sessions. So if you wanna be able to feel like more confident about articulating and communicating, which is basically the same word, um. I Those could be a little different. Sorry. In my head I'm like, are they the same word? It's busy inside my brain most of the time. Um, anyways, back on track. So if you wanna be able to communicate and feel more confident doing that and, and laying out the reasons for, for your recommendations or the way in which you provide play therapy, then getting really clear on these questions that is gonna help you to do that. So the third thing to think about is, so, so you've first thing is you have. Identified your beliefs and values around parents and their role in the play therapy sessions, under what circumstances you think you would involve parents in the play therapy session. You got real clear about your values and beliefs about aligning with a, like a specific model of therapy that you use, maybe a play therapy model. So you've, you've kind of identified your values and beliefs and your reasons you've gotten honest with yourself about that. The third step is now what do you do, right? So if you're going to include parents, how are you going to include them? And this is where your case conceptualization comes in really handy. Because in order to figure out what to do, you have to figure out what's actually going on. That's your case conceptualization. You're doing your clinical detective work to figure out what, what is at the root of the problem that your client is experiencing, and how specifically are they impacted by whatever is going on. That also includes what is the role of parents? I would include the role of family in that presenting issue. What are the patterns and the dynamics going on, and how are those influencing our impacting the the root of the problem that your client is experiencing so you're looking at maybe some things that might be contributing or sustaining the problem. You're also looking for things that are helping to create like a safe haven for your client. These are the resiliency factors. Because that's gonna play a role as well, right? Like in Theraplay, if you're using a Theraplay model, you're, you're having the child and the parent in the session could be for a couple of reasons. One, the, the, attachment relationship is contributing some of the insecure attachment patterns might be contributing to the presenting problem. But you also might be having your CL doing the play because the client can really use support from their parent in order to work through and feel more confident, feel safer to address whatever it is that's going on. In the past, I've had clients who have experienced, um, trauma, like sexual abuse that's happened to them, and they, they were able to do some work in the individual play therapy sessions with me. Where they really thrived was when we included parents even siblings in the play therapy session, these were their safe people. The, the per the person who had, uh, perpetrated the sexual abuse was not in the session. That's a whole other way of going about it. I'm not saying they can't be, but I, I, there's a whole protocol and process that needs to happen. For that, I'm talking about like part of the healing that goes on for the client, but also for the family and also for the parent. So you're conceptualizing what is at the root of the problem your client is experiencing and what are the patterns happening in their environment, in their life with, within their family? With parents, with siblings, maybe if it's a three generational household, other family, you know, extended family members living in the household, what are the dynamics in that system? What are those dynamics between the child and the parent that are influencing, perpetuating the problem? And or will be a resilience source of resiliency and safety. So if you're figuring out how to include parents in the play therapy session, your case conceptualization will help you to figure out how to include them. It will help you figure out how you're going to answer the question of how am I including parents in the play therapy session? It, and then that's gonna help you figure out when your client asks you, Hey, can my parent come and join, join us today? It's gonna help you also answer that question because, just because clients ask to include for parents to join the session, or they ask if their siblings can come in. I've had that happen as well. How many of you have had that happen? Where you, your client says, Hey, can my sibling come in? Or I'll get this one too, like, can my, my friend is visiting, can my friend come in? How do you answer that question? I usually say no. Um, for a lot of reasons for that one, like my friend, that one's usually a no, that one's always been. I don't think I've ever answered yes to that question. Anyway, your case conceptualization is gonna help you figure out how parents are gonna be involved. What you're gonna do in the sessions when you're gonna do it, that's also gonna be influenced by your play therapy model. And at the core of it, all of these are influenced by your beliefs about what is the best way to go about providing play therapy? Is it individual play therapy? And what are your expectations and beliefs about parents' role? So when you are thinking about, um, the question of how, let's do a little practical application right now 'cause we're, we're workshopping this a little bit. So think about one of your clients. Whatever client comes to mind right now. If I were you, I would, this is me. I would probably choose one of my hard ones. Um, so I can have a minute to really think things through. But whatever works for you. Just think about one of your clients and go back and think about when you, when you did your initial assessment, your initial psychosocial assessment, your initial clinical as assess assessment, whatever you call it. That time where you took to ask a bunch of questions to find out a bunch of information that's gonna help you figure out and start your initial case conceptualization. So as part of that initial case conceptualization that you did what did you assess about the parent child dynamic or maybe the family patterns and think three generational, let's, let's go generational here. Um, so what did you assess about those dynamics and the role of those dynamics in sustaining or contributing to the problem? As well as what were the dynamics that are maybe a, a resiliency or a safety factor. Those are gonna be like probably secure attachment patterns that you might have noticed. So think about, think about those, write that down. Write down what you observed or what you assessed to be some of those parent child dynamics. And some, maybe some family dynamics or maybe that, think of it three generational, take a take a minute. This one that you might need a little bit more time, but take, take a minute to think about those dynamics and how they might be contributing and or how those might be, um, like resiliency factors. Write all of that down, and then when you're done, you have it all down and you're getting, like, you're writing it down. It's just you. So you can, you know, you could take some risks and just write down, don't filter yourself about whether or not you think you're right or wrong, just write it down.'cause you can, you can go back later and think that through a little bit more. Like, oh, I don't know if that, oh, I never even thought about that, or I'm not sure about that one. You can filter that out, but write it all down. And then as soon as you have it all written down, think about what that says and based on your beliefs about play therapy and how, who's a client and how to do it, and are individual play therapy sessions better than, um, family play therapy sessions? Uh, what is your play therapy model? Now you're taking that, your case conceptualization into consideration, and how do you think parents need to be involved? Now that you've kind of gone through all of those steps? How do you think parents need to be involved in the play therapy treatment process? What is that gonna look like? So write all of that down. So, and then you can think that through and, and see how that helps you with your decision making about parents. So hopefully this episode has been helpful for you today. Um, if you feel like it's been helpful, please feel free to share the information with a colleague. If you're watching on YouTube, then go ahead and hit that subscribe and notification bell so you get notified every time. I'd love to hear your thoughts about what, what came up for you and what you kind of decided through this or some, some thoughts or questions that you have. So feel free to post a comment. I would love to hear from you. Feel free to message me. Do a private message. If you're watching on LinkedIn or if you're watching in my Facebook group, or if you're watching here on Instagram, go ahead and send me a message. If you're watching on YouTube, then go ahead and post a comment. Comment. Or if you're listening on the podcast or watching on YouTube, pop over to my Instagram channel at Renewing Hearts Training. Send me a message, I would love to hear from you. Um, So let me just do a little recap for today. So today what we talked about is first, getting clear on your expectations about how you're gonna play, provide, play therapy, and then, um, what does that mean about how you are thinking about the role of parents in the play therapy process? Because when your client asks you, can my mom or dad come in or can my, can my brother or my sister come in the session today, then this is gonna help you know how to give an intentional answer that's gonna move the needle, so to speak on progress for your clients in play therapy. Then the second thing you wanna do, now that you kind of have decided what's the purpose, what's the role of parents? Now you're thinking about what does your play therapy model say? Because your play therapy model is really going to influence, oh my goodness. Luna is losing her mind. Luna, come here. Lou, come here. I dunno. She is winding up a storm. I don't know what's going on with her. Um. Anyway. So the second thing, what does your play therapy model say about the role of parents and how they're gonna be integrated in the play therapy model? And you, you will have written down two to three reasons why you align with the models that you're using. And then what does that model say about family play therapy or parents in the in the sessions and you're, when you figure out why you align with it, that's also gonna help you figure out some of your beliefs around the role of parents in the play therapy process. And then the third thing is, now that you've figured those two things out, then how are you gonna involve parents in the play therapy process,? Your case conceptualization is gonna influence that as well. And then that's gonna help you figure out how. If you decide parents are going to be included in the session and your play therapy model aligns with having them in the session, then you're thinking about how are you gonna do that? So that is it for today. I did wanna tell you, so today we covered like kind of going over expectations and kind of figuring out the question of what you're gonna do and how you're gonna do it when it comes to involving parents or maybe even involving family members in there. The, the thing is, if you're finding that you need a little bit more help about how are you conceptualizing if you, if you really align with using a neuroscience and attachment theoretical lens and you wanna know how that would, what that would look like if when you're working with parents and how you're conceptualizing parents and how are you in play therapy and how are you, um, using that information to guide what you're doing and how you're doing it? Especially when you're working with challenging parents, challenging situations, challenging family systems. Then I, I have a course, it's an on-demand course, so you can take it anytime. I made it really comprehensive to walk you through all the things so that by the time you finish the course, you are gonna feel a lot more confident about your decision making, working with parents, and how you are including parents in that play therapy process. So the course is called Getting Grounded Partnering with Parents in Play Therapy. There's, there's a, a couple of modules in there that really walk you through how to work with challenging family systems, laying the foundation first with like a neuroscience and attachment lens and some practical things that you need to think about, and then how do you do that with parents that are, have, uh, have a, a few more challenges working with them in the family system in a way that's gonna get them engaged, where that you actually help them partner with you, that you can be that therapeutic change agent to for parents as to help them be involved in a way that will sustain lifelong healing and proce and progress. To me, that's, that's the key is how do we do that? How do we engage, how do we support parents who have a lot of challenges? So that is it for today. If you're interested in the course Getting Grounded Partnering with Parents in Play Therapy, it is going to be available f uh, until Saturday. There's also, um, a $40 discount on the course. I am gonna be taking the course down from my website on Saturday, uh, at the end of the day. So on Sunday. That, that Getting Grounded Partnering with Parents with Play Therapy is coming down. It's not gonna be available. And, and it also has a $40 discount. It's back to school time, so I figured your caseloads are gonna be filling up pretty soon. And I thought, well, what better way to help you get the school year started off on a good foot than providing a a really comprehensive course to support the work that you are doing. This is a big struggle. I heard, I heard a, a therapist tell me last week, um, somebody I was just talking to in passing was saying, yeah, I like working with kids but I just don't like working with parents. And I, in my head I thought, well that's 'cause you probably haven't been trained to know how to support parents. And parents can be a huge asset if you can get them engaged. And sometimes that's a little challenging to do that. And then, um, we end up saying, you know, I wish I could just work with the child and not the parent. And, and I, that makes me sad because I know how much change can happen when play therapists start feeling more confident about how to work with parents, what to do, when to do it, things to think about using a neuroscience and attachment, kind of that interpersonal neurobiology lens co-regulation, thinking about polyvagal theory and how that influences dynamics within the parent child relationship and all, all the things, right? All the things mentalization. Um, that to me, that's a big one. And, um, so the course is available till the end of the week. It's coming down Saturday at midnight Pacific time. It's available now. Getting Grounded Partnering with Parents in Play Therapy, pop over to my website and check it out. My website is RH play therapy training.com. That's RH play therapy training.com. Renewing Hearts Play therapy training. It's available today. We'll also post links in the comments so you can check it out. If you have questions about it, feel free to message me. I'm happy to answer any questions you might have, and I will see you next week. Bye for now. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Next Level Play Therapy. I hope you found the discussion valuable and gained new insights and ideas to support your work helping children, adolescents, and families heal. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. Your feedback helps to improve and reach more people who can benefit from this information. Remember. Play therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth. Whether you're a new play therapist or experienced, I encourage you to continue your learning journey to unlock the potential of play in your own work in relationships. If you have any questions or topics, suggestions for future. I'd love to hear from you. Connect with me on social media and visit my website at Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training to stay updated on upcoming episodes, trainings, and resources. Thank you once again for listening to Next Level Play Therapy. Until next time, keep playing, learning and growing.