Next Level Play Therapy: A Podcast for Play Therapy Excellence

What to Do If Play Therapy Progress is Stalled

• Cathi Spooner, LCSW, RPT-S • Episode 89

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If you’re a play therapist – either a newbie, got some experience under your belt, or full on seasoned play therapist – this is bound to happen more than once.


To be honest I’ve had this happen so many times, I’ve lost count.


You get frantic phone calls, emails, or texts between sessions telling you all the “bad” things your client is doing at home or school.


You can hear the concern in their parents’ voices and you feel the pressure in your chest to fix it fast. 


You feel the weight of responsibility to fix this fast so parents and your clients get the relief they’re seeking.


You wonder what’s going on and how you can make things better.


You’ve got your favorite play therapy interventions, your best play therapy activities, and your clinical skills dialed in… so why isn’t your client making progress? 🤔


The answer might be hiding in the family dynamics you’re not seeing. 


You gathered all the information at the intake appointment and parents describe what’s happening from their perspective, but you haven’t seen the dynamics in action.


Getting a first hand glance at the dynamics in action can give you that missing piece to the puzzle. 🧩


Learn how small shifts involving caregivers can make big breakthroughs happen.


Join me for this weekly podcast! We’re going to break down the benefit of using family play therapy sessions to get the breakthroughs your clients and their parents are seeking.


Join my free Facebook Community Play and Expressive Arts Therapy Playground.

Check out my free resources for mental health professionals working with children, adolescents, and families who want to integrate play therapy and expressive arts into their clinical work.

I work with individuals and agencies to develop successful strategies and meet the treatment needs of your child and adolescent clients and their families using play therapy & expressive arts.

Contact me to schedule a free 30-minute video call if you're ready to level up your skills

Cathi Spooner:

Welcome to Next Level Play Therapy. A weekly podcast dedicated to supporting the next generation of child and adolescent therapists to provide exceptional play therapy services. We'll explore all things play therapy to elevate your work with children and adolescents using the therapeutic powers of play. I'll discuss practical tips and ideas so you can provide a transformative experience for your young clients and make a real difference in their lives. So get ready to take your play therapy skills to the next level and make a lasting impact in the lives of children, adolescents, and families. Hey there. Welcome to this week's episode of Next Level Play Therapy, and today we are gonna talk about what are some things that you can do, or one thing in particular today about what you can do if it feels like play therapy is stalling out or you're not getting any progress being made and, and you check in with parents and they, they tell you that they're doing the things that you've recommended, but it doesn't make any difference. Nothing seems to be working. All of the things that tend to happen that make you feel like you are not helping your clients and you can't figure out why. And that's what we are gonna talk about today. So today's topic is what to do if play therapy progress is stalled. Okay, so full disclosure here, I can already feel my brain being a little wonky. So yesterday my husband and I got back from, I think we have five days, I think five or six, maybe five days in Glacier National Park in um Northwest Montana. So, so beautiful. I'm a little, uh, travel weary today. And if you have never had a chance, if you're a nature lover like me and you need to be in the trees and you love the sound of babbling brooks as you hike along the path. Glacier National Park was so awesome. Um, so yeah, we got back yesterday. It was a really awesome trip. And I am, today's my first day back to work actually trying to fix my camera for Instagram over here. Alrighty. So. I, how many of you, if you are watching live, or maybe you're watching on the replay, or maybe you are listening to the podcast episode, how many of you have had this happen where you are getting those frantic phone calls, you're getting the text messages, all the things that aren't going right when you meet with parents they tell you they're doing the things and nothing's working. Their child is usually, this is the, the, this is the one that has happened to me so many times. I, I have lost count. It happens so many times. It doesn't matter if you're new to play therapy, you're kind of have some years under your belt or maybe like me, you've been doing this for a few decades, a seasoned play therapist. We all have this happen where you are, you are getting the information from parents that it's not working, their child is still having meltdowns and everything you've suggested basically doesn't work. And you feel the pressure in your chest or maybe you have a headache. I feel it in my chest and or my neck, or I'm like, oh my gosh, it's not working. How do I help? I can see the concern and the worry on parents' face and their frustration and they're just really worried about their child and nothing seems to be working. And you feel the weight of responsibility on your shoulders to get this fixed fast. If that is you, raise your virtual hand. Post in the comments. Send me a message on Instagram because we have all had this happen. It's one of the things that we talk about a lot Play Therapy Academy and also my new, um, membership for play therapist called Play Therapy Elevation Circle. In fact, we're probably gonna be talking about this topic on Saturday when we have our Elevation Circle consultation, our masterminds meeting. And that is, um, what do you do? It feels like it's stalled. You're not making any progress. What do you do? You've gathered all the information from parents. Um, you're using all your best strategies, all your best tips, and still feels like nothing is happening. And to me, this is the benefit of using family play therapy sessions. Because you get to see in real time what's going on. So let's, let's talk about that. What, what to do play therapy progress is stalled and the thing is what, you've gathered all of the information, but you're relying on secondhand information to get a sense of what's going on. Most play therapists use an individual play therapy approach. That's typically the way we're trained in graduate school. Unless you're a marriage and family therapist, you are probably trained to use an individual lens for working with your clients and then most play therapy session most play therapy training is focused on using an individual play therapy approach. Last week I talked about the pros and cons of individual play therapy versus family play therapy. So if you were interested in that topic, you probably wanna go back and listen to last week's episode where I kind of go through the pros and cons. Today I want to highlight the benefits of using family play therapy sessions. So the thing is, the, when, when parents are giving the information to you, they're giving that information to you through their lens of how, sorry, I'm gonna fix my camera here for Instagram. Um, they're, they're giving you information through what they understand, their knowledge, their perspective, and it's gonna be, um, limited because who of us really, really, really can give a full accurate picture just from our own individual lens. It's hard to do that as the rare person who can be a hundred percent spot on about the big picture and multiple perspectives about what is going on. Most, most parents are going to give their information, they're gonna give you a sense of what's going on based on their understanding and, and their knowledge about different factors. The reason, the reality is they're coming to you as the play therapist 'cause they don't know what to do. They are feeling lost and worried about their child and they don't know what to do. They don't really know what might be activating certain things and they might be able to, parents might be able, or caregivers, I say parents and caregiver interchangeably because children don't always live with their parents. Um, the children that we see for play therapy. So they're, they're gonna be giving that information through their lens, but they don't have the big picture. They don't really know everything and you can ask questions about what might be activating the behavior that is of concern. That is bringing their, their child into counseling with you. But they may not necessarily know all of the things to think about in terms of what might be activating the behavior. They're not the experts. That's why they're coming to you as the play therapist. They're coming to you because you are the expert and they need your help, and I can't tell you how many times. I have had parents call, they're frantic. They don't know what's going on. Nothing seems to be working. They, you know, they tell you they're doing all the things that you've recommended and nothing seems to be working and I can't, or, or they're worried about they're worried about the high level conflict going on with the siblings or just in the household. Everybody seems to be arguing all the time, not treating each other well. Um, and so they're worried. And the, some of the benefits of using family play therapy is you get to see in real time what are the interaction patterns. I can't tell you how many times I have had over the last couple, several decades actually. Parents are concerned about their child. They. I do, I, I usually start out with individual play therapy sessions. I'll usually do that for at least the first 90 days. Sometimes a little longer, but at some point in time I'm usually using family play therapy sessions and I, depending on what's going on, I may use it right from the start, which I've done as well. Or I may try to build up that relationship with the child, get a sense of what's going on while building that relationship with parents before I actually do the family play therapy sessions. And I can't tell you how many times I have had this happen where I do the family play therapy sessions and I get a much clearer understanding of what is going on. I can see some of the hesitancy in the interactions or maybe missed cues or I see strengths, I'll see that the siblings actually do like each other, even though they might not always be behaving that way. And then I get to see also how parents or caregivers are helping children navigate through that. And some of the dynamics that can't be explained, they, they're better observed with your, with your knowledge where the lens in which you are looking through and understanding these relationship interaction patterns. Time after time, after time, I have seen where I have young little preschoolers and early, early, um, childhood interactions where I can see the attachment issues and when we've worked on the attachment issues and parents have learned some skills that they can practice in the play therapy sessions. Then I begin to see that shift, and parents also begin feeling more confident. They begin to have hope. They see the relationship with their child improving, and as that improves, they see the behaviors improving. And parents have a better ability to know what to do when their child has the problematic behaviors that are are going on. And that even with the older kids, parents and siblings have an opportunity to talk about what's been going on, to talk about the trauma and as a family to work through those the impact on their relationships and that sense of safety and the meaning they make about themselves and others, and relationships. You can see how they are working through that using those family play therapy sessions. So the, the benefit of family play therapy is that as a trained play therapy professional, you can see in real time, what are those patterns that parents haven't recognized? Because they're not trained like you are. You have the ability to help family members develop much stronger relationship attachment patterns, which has long lasting influence, I think, um, because they, they're now shifting the way in which they make sense of relationships, how, how you work through relationship issues and how that influences the beliefs that you have about yourself, the belief that you have about others, the beliefs that you have about relationships. These are all of the things that I think that whole concept of mentalization helps to give a sense of what's going on with your client. And the other thing is you, you help, you can, as a play therapist, what you're doing is you are helping family members access those therapeutic powers of play for healing so that those therapeutic powers of play can help shift those interaction relationship patterns, those dynamics within the family system, those can help, you can help to shift those while you're also using those therapeutic powers of play to teach new skills to help children use their parents and their siblings for support. I've had, I've done every kind of family play therapy sessions you can probably think of. Um. Doing family play therapy sessions just with siblings to strengthen sibling relationships. There is, um, a lot of missed opportunities I think when we don't as play therapists consider the importance of sibling relationships and helping to strengthen those sibling relationships. In addition to the parent-child relationship, it's imp I, you know, it's, I think it's important to, to build a parent-child relationship, but I also think it's important to take a look at what's going on in those sibling relationships. And I've, I've facilitated family play therapy sessions with siblings and observed that there's actually some strengths there. And siblings actually do care about each other. When parents are worried that they don't, uh, do they need to learn how to work through conflict a little more effectively? Yes. And you can help parents, uh, you can, you can help parents, so then parents can help their kids navigate through that. And you, as the play therapist can model what that looks like in those play therapy sessions. Um, I have used family play therapy sessions with divorced families. Usually, um, one parent that parent in one household. We do family play therapy sessions with them. Parent in the other, or parent and stepparents in the other household, we do family play therapy sessions with them. I have facilitate used family play therapy sessions to help estranged children and parents repair, repair those relationships when there's been divorce and some of those relationship patterns have been negatively influenced. I have used family play therapy sessions to help parents and their children heal after that has been traumatic experiences. Those can be really, really powerful ways to help families heal. And so to me, I think if you're finding that your play, the individual play therapy sessions are getting stalled out and you don't seem to be making any progress, I would suggest you may want to consider using family play therapy. And if you're going to use family play therapy, then I highly recommend using a framework. Be intentional about the play therapy sessions when you're adding families, parents, siblings. It's not just an individual play therapy session plus an extra person or two. When you're using a family play therapy approach, you really need to fundamentally kind of shift your way of thinking about how those are done. And to do that you really need a play therapy framework to guide you through each stage of the play therapy process. So I, I created a play, the, a family play therapy model years and years ago because I, I needed a way to structure, the family play therapy sessions, and I like using a neuroscience and attachment lens. So I needed, I needed a model that was flexible enough to adjust to the individual needs of what, uh, of the family and what, and who needs to be in the sessions. And I, I also wanted to conceptualize what that was gonna look like using a neuroscience and attachment lens. And integrate that with a family systems lens. Family systems theory is my default mode. That's how I was trained in grad school. Um, and I've, I've just always been a big believer in that. So I wanted a model to do that. So actually I have a book if you're interested. It's called Attachment Focused Family Play Therapy. This one is really focused on, this one is an intervention for children and adolescents after trauma. You can get it anywhere you buy books. But I also have a training that I have coming up in November that I'm gonna talk a little bit more about using this attachment focused family play therapy model. And so that's the model that I'm gonna use when I am integrating parents and or siblings in there. The reason you want to use a play therapy model is because it helps you. Like this model. I use a neuroscience and attachment lens with family systems integrated in there, those those theories, and that influences how I make sense of what's creating this problem or what's contributing to the problem or what, what is going on that this problem is happening, and I'm gonna use that theoretical lens to conceptualize and, um, make sense of that. And then it's gonna influence what I'm gonna do in the sessions. And so having a play therapy framework helps you, uh, that model is gonna help you know what your role is as the play therapist. What is parents' role? It helps you to figure out what stage of the change process you're in, what's your role and what's parents' role in each one of those stages of change, it's gonna influence what type of intervention, so play therapy activities that you're using in sessions when you are going to use those different sessions so that you use them more strategically instead of kind of throwing your best strategies and hoping something works. I call that the spaghetti against the wall. So you, it's kind of like throwing spaghetti against the wall and hoping something sticks. Um, so it, the, using a play therapy model is gonna help you figure all of that out. Otherwise you're just kind of adding adding parents or siblings in there without a real plan or without a real structure so that you get the outcomes that you're hoping to have. And so that's why I, I like using the attachment focus family play therapy model that I created. If you're an Adlerian play therapist, then Adlerian Play Therapy al allows for Adlerian family play therapy sessions. If you're a Gestalt play therapist, then Gestalt Play Therapy allows for family therapy sessions, or maybe you use therapy play, or maybe you use Filial or a child parent relationship therapy. All of those are models that can at least at the very least, integrate the parent and child depending on what model you're using. I liked having a model that I could use, um, either with the parent and the child or have the whole family in there.'cause if you wanna see what's going on and why things are happening the way that they're happening, the likelihood you're gonna get a better sense of that when you get the whole family in there is very high. And a lot of times when I, mention too, especially when we're doing consultation and, and I'll mention fa you know, doing some, get all the family members in there, play therapists, usually get that panic look on their face. Like what? I have to add all of those in there at the same time with all of those different developmental stages, which seems scary and overwhelming. Here's the thing though, this is where your fundamental shift in how to facilitate these sessions is going to be influenced by your play therapy model. And so you really want to make sure that you have, you're using a play therapy model for family play therapy sessions, and you're not just looking at it as. Individual therapy, plus you added an extra person or two in there, you, it's really a, a fundamental shift in the way that you do that. And your play therapy model is gonna show you what to do in each stage. So that is it for today. So today what we, let me do a little recap. Today, what we're talking about is what to do if play therapy progress stalls. And. Um, we looked at, I just realized I didn't, um, ask people to check in and say hi. Um, still working on coming off of vacation brain, so if you're watching live, I know I've gone most of the way through and we're doing the recap now, but I would love to know who's here. So, uh, if you're watching on the replay or if you're watching live on Instagram or LinkedIn or YouTube, post your name in the comments where you're from. What population do you work with? Do you use family play therapy? Um, if you do, what model do you use? And what questions do you have about using family play therapy with your clients? And those of you watching or listening on the podcast, feel free to contact me, uh, over on Instagram. My Instagram is at Renewing Hearts Training. I would love to hear from people. So today. Um, so just to recap, what to do if play therapy progress is stalled. Really what you're looking at, what we're talking about today is really parents are only gonna provide their perspective because they don't have all of the knowledge. So you're not really gonna you're not really gonna see the interaction patterns in real time. You're gonna have to rely on secondhand information that's coming from somebody who doesn't really have the knowledge and experience that you have to see the bigger picture. Plus the other thing is who of us can really be unbiased all the time? Um. I mean, none of us, it's always, it's always good to have that perspec, um, professional perspective that kind of helps us see things from, different perspectives to get a better sense of what's going on. And if you're only relying on parent self-report, then you're not really gonna get that. And so when you get all those frantic phone calls about, or texts or emails, nothing's working, everything's going badly, then you're not really gonna see the interaction patterns in real time unless you get everybody in there. And that really is the benefit of uh, including family, family members, and at least parents in the sessions, is that you can see in real time what's going on. You can also use those sessions to teach new skills, new way of doing things. You can, um, help children develop stronger attachment relationships for their parents. You can teach parents how to do co-regulation and what that looks like when you have the whole family in there. You can look at those interaction patterns. You can teach skills to family members. You can help siblings work through things a different way, and also help parents know how to guide their family through challenging times. And here's the thing, using an attachment lens, it's about the rupture and repair process, how the, there's always gonna be rupture. Nobody gets along all the time, and you can not be in a family and get along 100% of the time every single day of your life. It just doesn't happen. And we're helping parents be good enough parents. We just have to be good enough and helping parents learn how to be that good enough parent who can help to work through those relationship ruptures and be that secure base and strong anchor in the home. And help siblings learn those skills as well. That's, that's the benefit of getting everyone in the session. And when you do that, you really wanna make sure that you have a play therapy model. You don't wanna just kind of hodgepodge it together or go kind of like. What I call the spaghetti against the wall method, where you're just like adding somebody in there, but you don't have any intention, you don't have a framework that you're using that helps you understand your role, helps parents understand their role, what to do in each stage, what kind of activities would you choose for each stage, and that's the important piece of using FAM play, family Play therapy effectively. So if you are interested, that is, uh, I do have a training coming up. It's called Attachment Focused Family Play Therapy. It is in-person and online. So in it, we're gonna go over kind of that theoretical conceptualization using a neuroscience and attachment lens to help understand parents' role and understanding how those implicit experiences influence our lives, and also maybe influencing parenting, um, strategies. And you're kind of using that lens of neuroscience and attachment. We'll look at co-regulation, we'll look at polyvagal therapy. Uh, the polyvagal theory, we'll look at mentalization, which is basically understanding how do you make sense of the intentions and behaviors and values and emotions of others, and then how does that influence your experiences and the meaning that you make of things. That's the whole foundation I think of attachment and understanding what's going on with our clients. And then I will talk with you, show you like what are you looking for, what are kind of the nuts and bolts of relationship that you're gonna be looking for to kind of get a sense of relationships and know where to strategically target the change process, which is then gonna influence what you do in each stage. So we'll go through the stages of the attachment play therapy model. What's your role? What's parents' role? How do you choose interventions? We'll also do some experiential activities'cause we're play therapist and we love doing that. Lots of group interaction to really kind of do a hands on. So this is virtual and in person. In person is gonna be in St. George, Utah. It'll be November 8th, Saturday, November 8th. So St. George, Utah is beautiful that time of year. So if you wanna take a little time out and go hang out in nature, then I would say plan a trip to St. George, Utah, and then on Saturday join us for the training if you, uh, it's also available virtually, so you can either register for the virtual option or you register for the in-person option. That's gonna be on Saturday, November 8th. If you're interested, then pop over to my website at rh play therapy training.com. That's RH play therapy training.com. Renewing Hearts Play Therapy training. That's the website. Hop over there onto the training page. Um, it's called Attachment Focused Family Play therapy. We will also post links in the comments. So if you have questions about the training, feel free to message me. I'd be happy to answer your questions, and I will. That's it for today, and I will see you next week. Bye. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Next Level Play Therapy. I hope you found the discussion valuable and gained new insights and ideas to support your work helping children, adolescents, and families heal. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. Your feedback helps to improve and reach more people who can benefit from this information. Remember. Play therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth. Whether you're a new play therapist or experienced, I encourage you to continue your learning journey to unlock the potential of play in your own work in relationships. If you have any questions or topics, suggestions for future episode. I'd love to hear from you. Connect with me on social media and visit my website at Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training to stay updated on upcoming episodes, trainings, and resources. Thank you once again for listening to Next Level Play Therapy. Until next time, keep playing, learning and growing.