Next Level Play Therapy: A Podcast for Play Therapy Excellence

Is Individual Play Therapy Better Than Family Play Therapy?

• Cathi Spooner, LCSW, RPT-S • Episode 90

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The norm in play therapy, and the mental health profession in general, is to meet with a child or teen every week for individual counseling sessions and meet with parents as an adjunct to treatment.


This format has been around for decades and is the approach taught in most universities.  


I’ve always been a believer that this isn’t the best way to help children heal.


Don’t get me wrong – individual play therapy counseling is beneficial and I use it with my clients.  


Individual counseling allows the ability to provide a space where children and teens can have your undivided attention and support.  Who doesn’t love that, right?!


However, if play therapists only conceptualize the individual child then they miss out on influential dynamics impacting the child’s everyday life.


I’m referring to conceptualizing the child within the context of their larger family system and the influence of generational family dynamics on children. (Can I hear an Amen! from my marriage & family therapy peeps?!)


Family play therapy sessions allow play therapists to see in real time the relationship interaction patterns among children and their family members.  


What’s the saying?   – No man is an island unto himself.


We are all influenced by and influence our family members through the generations.


So – which is best – individual play therapy or family play therapy?


I’ll be discussing the benefits and drawbacks of individual play therapy and family play therapy.  Spoiler alert – I’m not an either-or kind of person generally speaking.  


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Cathi Spooner:

Welcome to Next Level Play Therapy. A weekly podcast dedicated to supporting the next generation of child and adolescent therapists to provide exceptional play therapy services. We'll explore all things play therapy. To elevate your work with children and adolescents using the therapeutic powers of play. I'll discuss practical tips and ideas so you can provide a transformative experience for your young clients and make a real difference in their lives. So get ready to take your play therapy skills to the next level and make a lasting impact in the lives of children, adolescents, and families. Hey there. Welcome to this week's episode of Next Level Play Therapy, where we talk about all things play therapy. And this week I wanna tackle a topic that I find comes up a lot because the natural default in the mental health field is individual counseling. I kind of feel like that's because in university the main focus of that is usually clinical work with adults. And so from an adult standpoint, most people just meet individually with the adults. Unless you're a marriage and family therapist person, then you're probably just by default conceptualizing. That adult within their marital relationship and possibly within their family relationships po quite possibly that intergenerational impact of attachment and attachment relationships and family dynamics and all of the things. I would say for the most part though, most people conceptualize. Counseling from an individual lens when you're working with children, that's still the same model that we use. Most of the training that we get is focused on individual play therapy, and so today, well, let me finish that thought. So, so most of the focus even in our training is focused on individual counseling, and yet. Children are dependent on parents for staying alive basically for food, shelter, clothing, protection, caring for, I would say nurturing and love as well to, um, build resiliency and those family dynamics. I think it's important to look at relationships with siblings as well. So that's what we're gonna talk about today, which is better, is one better than the other because what I find happens is a lot of people in the play therapy world don't really conceptualize. What treatment would look like if there was more than just the child in the session, or they add the parents, but they're still using an individual therapy mindset. So is it really family play therapy or did you just add the parents in there and you're not really shifting your theoretical foundation a bit? So that's what I want to talk about today is individual therapy better than family play therapy. And so I wanna do a pros and cons, and what I would like to do is if you're watching live, or maybe you're watching the replay, or maybe you're listening on the podcast. I'm thinking this might be useful for you to kind of workshop this a little bit, and what I mean by that is if you're in a place where you can write. Um, or do a little journaling, then grab your paper and pencil or whatever it is. Or markering crayons, because we're play therapists. Um, I, I like to use colored, colored pen. Just makes it more fun. Um, anyway, so, um, and what I would say is. Maybe think about as we go through the pros and cons today, maybe think, write those down for you. What are the pros and cons and how are you conceptualizing your work with children and adolescents using play therapy? So let's get started for today. So today's focus is, is individual play therapy better than family play therapy. So if you're watching live, I would love to know who's here. Post in the comments, say hello. Join the conversation. Feel free to add pros and cons from your point of view and just, um. I, I feel like, uh, more of our heads are better than the my one head. That's usually what I say when it comes to consultation. So feel free to join the conversation today. Um, if you are listening on the replay, honestly feel free to post your name in the comments. I would still love to connect post your thoughts. Pros and cons questions, and if you're listening on the podcast, feel free to pop over to my Instagram channel, which is at Renewing Hearts Training. Send me a message post on the comments because I do live stream simultaneously, uh, using Streamy Yard on LinkedIn and YouTube, but I also. Livestream on Instagram, which is why you kind of see me looking back and forth between two cameras. So feel free to add to the conversation in Instagram. Pop over on, uh, my Instagram channel. If you're listening to the podcast, which is Next level, play therapy or send me a message, I would love to have a conversation. All righty, so let's get started. First, what are the benefits of individual play therapy? So if you're listening, write down some things that you think are in are the benefits of individual play therapy. I'm gonna go through some myself, and you feel free to add to these. So typically the benefit is that you get individualized focus on the child. To help them overcome their difficulties, you've, you provide that free and protected space for the child to have an opportunity to work through using play therapy, whatever it is that's going on in their life that's causing them to be distressed. I would say that's probably the main reason, number one reason. For using individual play therapy session. The other thing is more on a practical level, using individual play therapy is easier to manage'cause you only have to. Um, you only have to deal with one person, so to speak, and you're, it's a child and they usually love being in there. Not always, but every once in a while there are those ones that aren't. But most of the time, I would say most kids and adolescents would. Prefer having that individual. Sometimes not, though. Sometimes I find that isn't the case and they want family members in there. But I would say for the most part, kids like having that opportunity where they can say what they want, do almost anything they wanna do. And if there's anything you they can't do, you'll let them know. That's my child-centered play therapy there. Um. And, and it's easier to manage'cause you only have one person in the room and um, and they're a child, so they usually like being in there. And you don't usually have too much resistance. Sometimes you do though. And then, so here's the thing. On how many times have you heard, I'm gonna try to say this in a way that doesn't sound judgmental, 'cause I don't mean it that way, but we all say it and I hear it a lot. Not, not everybody says it and I hear it a lot, and so I just wanna have an honest conversation about. Play therapy an individual versus family play therapy. I, I actually heard this a few weeks ago just from a colleague, um, when I was talking about play therapy and working with children, and I hear this so many times and that is, I don't know if you guys might be able to guess it by now. That is, I like working with kids. I don't like working with parents. And so a lot of times child and adolescent therapists, or not necessarily play therapists, but play therapists say this too. I think a lot of times that's coming from a place of not really knowing how, um, how to engage parents and maybe being intimidated by parents. Because you feel like you are not, they're judging you and you feel like you have to prove that you're doing a good job. I've talked about this in other podcast episodes and other YouTube. Uh, other live stream episodes. So if you're watching on YouTube, you may wanna pop back through some of the replays. There's a ton on my YouTube channel, which is Kathy Spooner Renewing Hearts. And if you click on the live tab, you'll see where all the replays are. But this, I think this has a lot to do with imposter syndrome that, um, you feel like you can easily. Connect with the children, but you feel like you have to prove your worth or prove that play therapy's working and we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, but sometimes parents are, have some things that they're struggling with and they can be operating from a place of. Being overwhelmed, scared, and feeling like you're judging them. Um, you know, if we're gonna use a little IFS language, maybe it would say their firefighters got activated, or maybe you're having to interact with their protectors and it's creating some challenges. I, I think as play the, I don't talk, I'll talk about this in. Some of the benefits of family play therapy, but I think when it comes to working with parents and family members, I think a lot of times, because play therapists have only been trained. To use individual play therapy. I think the thought of having more people in the session can feel really intimidating and overwhelming, and to some extent I think that concern is really valid in the sense of you really need to have training specific to how to do it otherwise. It doesn't always go so well. And even when you have training and you have a framework, it can be challenging sometimes. So I, I think what happens is one of the benefits of individual play therapy for play therapists is because they don't really feel comfortable working with parents or they don't really know how. To integrate parents in there, then the benefit would be then you don't have to be out of your comfort zone. I feel like that could be a pro or a con, a benefit or a drawback, but I'm gonna put it there as my transition to the drawbacks. So some of the drawbacks of individual play therapy would be, so again, right as you're kind of watching, we're kind of workshopping this a little bit. Pros and cons, because this really comes down to your clinical decision making process. You are. You are conceptualizing what is going on with your clients. So what are the roots of the problem? It's gonna be influenced by your play therapy theoretical framework to make sense of what's going on. And then your framework, your play therapy framework, is gonna influence what you do. How do you address it? And so what we're doing is we're going through the pros and cons. The benefits and drawbacks of in diverse individual play therapy versus family play therapy. So you can kind of figure out what, what would make the most sense clinically for your client to help them make the progress that they need to make. And so some of the drawbacks then in your, some things to think about for the drawbacks for individual play therapy. Would be that you really aren't able to observe in real time. What are the interaction patterns going on for your client within their family system? You don't know if some of maybe the dynamic between parent and child or maybe the dynamics within the family system, you don't know how much of those are actually. Clinically contributing to the problem the child is experiencing. If you don't really see it, because you're having to rely on what parents understand and how parents are trying to make sense of it and their observations, they don't know. They don't always know. Sometimes they know. I've met with some really insightful parents. Who are definitely attuned with their kids and their really good sources of information. And then other parents who struggle with that. And here's the other thing, who of us really fully understands what's going on? Right? That's. That's why we go to counseling to get some feedback and support from somebody 'cause we can't see everything or it'll take longer. Um, or, you know, sometimes we're having conversations with family members. I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me in my family. We're kind of working through an issue, and I think I'm right about it, only to find out, through having a conversation, there's a whole other way, different way of looking at it. And I have to stop and think for a moment. Like, oh, okay. Right. So how, how many of us really fully understand. So that's one of the drawbacks is you don't really get to see for yourself from a neutral place observing the interactions and the di that are going on to make sense of what are the strengths as well as maybe some of the challenges that family members are facing. So that's one thing you wanna think about if you're deciding. Individual versus family. The other drawback is you're only gonna meet with the child hopefully once a week. Sometimes I know play therapist or child and adolescent therapist will meet with the child every other week if that. Every other week, in my opinion is not ideal. It takes longer. It slows the process down sometimes. It's the least worst option. Ideally, individual therapy sessions are gonna optimize the progress that you can make with children. So you're, so you're meeting with the kids once a week, ideally, and then you're meeting with parents whenever you're able to get them scheduled or? Uh, maybe you're not even meeting with parents. The thing about individual play therapy is what ends up happening. You're getting, you're having to schedule an extra session in your calendar and maybe your calendar's full. I don't find that one's too big of a deal, however it is, especially in some settings where you have to have really high, I've heard some caseload sizes when they're working with kids and I'm thinking, well, I usually say it outside my head, but I'm like, oh my gosh, that is gonna be hard to manage. That's like a. Individual, the adult therapist caseload, that's not really a child and adolescent therapist caseload. That's a whole other, that's a whole other topic for discussion, but something having another session to schedule with parents can create some challenges. The other drawback is because parents aren't in the session. You meet with them periodically, maybe, or you just do the five minute air quotes, five minute check in at the end of the session, or maybe at the beginning. It's never five minutes and it's usually in front of the child. Um, you end up getting a lot of phone calls, texts, and emails about. Not your whole caseload, but you usually have those ones that are struggling, a handful enough that you're getting a bunch of phone calls, texts, and emails in between the therapy sessions, telling you all the things that are going wrong and why things aren't working. So you're spending a lot of time responding to those. So that can be some of the drawbacks of doing individual only. Play therapy sessions. So what are the benefits then of doing family play therapy sessions? So to me, one of the biggest benefit of using family play therapy is that you are able to see in real time what are the dynamics going on. You, you. And then based on your training and experience and your knowledge, you can assess what those dynamics are. You can assess the strengths of the family. You can, you can assess where their struggling, and that might be where you wanna focus on facilitating change, while you're also reinforcing those strengths. But you can see in real time, and you don't have to rely on secondhand information. You've got that information to add it to, excuse me, your case conceptualization, to get a sense of what's going on. Excuse me, what's going on for your client that's contributing to the problem, and what are the patterns that are sustaining it in the sessions? And then the other thing is you can help parents in the sessions in real time, use some attachment based parenting strategies in the session that they can practice with you, with your support in the session where you're modeling and they're practicing, and then you're giving feedback about what's going well and some ideas for what to do. Then they can take that information and practice it outside of the session in the child's everyday life. They can take what is happening in the sessions parents and implement that in the day to day living. What do you think is gonna have more impact once a week or. Having the parent be able to apply every single day throughout the day, and who is it that's gonna be around after their child is not coming to plate therapy anymore? Parents and family members, you are, you're not gonna be there. They're gonna be there. So what the benefit of Family Play Therapy is that you are helping family members in real time to create new ways of doing things, and you're strengthening the things that are really going well for them, and they can use that in their everyday life. Long after you are, they're not working with you anymore. I always say you have the ability when you're using family play therapy to create generational shifts. I see this happen all the time when I'm working with families that have generational histories of trauma attachment, attachment issues, um, poverty. All the things. And you have a parent who desperately wants to change the cycle and they're so motivated and they are working hard to overcome. Or maybe you have a parent and they don't even know that is what's going on, and you build that rapport with them and help them understand, and now they really wanna be part of the change process. You are shifting, you are helping to shift when you integrate parents, and I would even say siblings into the sessions, you are shifting whole family systems, changing generational patterns that have long lasting impact. That's huge in my opinion. And parents are the ones who are gonna be around. So the benefit of family play therapy is that you get to support parents. To be that therapeutic agent of change for their child and create long lasting change because they are actually in the session doing the work with you. To me, that's one of the biggest, biggest benefits. Those two, those two things are the biggest benefits. So what are some of the drawbacks of family play therapy? Some of the drawbacks are that there's a lot of people in this session sometimes to manage. It can be scary and it can be overwhelming, and it can be terrifying, which explains when I in Play Therapy Academy, play Therapy Academy and El Play Therapy, elevation Circle are my two. Consultation memberships are a little bit different. Play Therapy Academy is my online. Consultation program for, typically for people who are pursuing their RPT credential, but not everybody in Plate Therapy Academy is pursuing their RPT credential. What they really want is a lot of hands-on support. Um, so we meet twice a month. We staff cases every time. There's a whole schedule of when you're presenting. What you're gonna be, um, like the format for your presentation so that we can get down, down into providing support and, and Elevation Circle is we do consultation as well. We do a book club, but it's really focused on connecting. Play therapists with each other and getting support as well as doing the consultation and the book club to increase knowledge and skills as well. It's just a different focus and it doesn't meet the uh, RRPT credential requirements for the Association for Play Therapy. That would be Play Therapy Academy. But one of the things that we talk about all the time is how overwhelming it is.'cause usually when I suggest. To people who are new to me, um, hey, you know, that would be good to a family play therapy session. Usually the look on their face is what? That sounds scary and overwhelming and. Um, it does have the potential to be scary and overwhelming because there are a lot of different personalities in there. What do you do if somebody has a tantrum? How do you handle that? Because fundamentally your theoretical mindset is much different. Than individual play therapy. So family play therapy and attachment focused family play therapy is a theoretical foundational shift in the way in which you're conceptualizing what's going on, why it's happening, and what are you gonna do. And in a family play therapy session, you have, you can have, like, I've had the whole family in there. Um. And that you can have a lot of different personalities in there that you're managing and you're having to figure out therapeutically what is that gonna look like in terms of what are we gonna be doing and the interventions and my role and parents' role, all of those things. The other thing, the other drawback is sometimes parents aren't able to be in the sessions. Um. Sometimes you're working with children from a divorced family system, and maybe they have contact with one parent and they don't have contact with another parent. Or maybe, um, there's a, there's a parent who struggles with addiction or maybe there are children in foster care and they're not able to have their parents participate for a variety of reasons. You can have foster care parents participate if it's, if it's, um, something that the foster care worker is agreeing to because they're the, they're the legal guardian typically, and they have, they know what needs to they accomplished from a reunification standpoint. So you, you really work pretty closely, I think, with foster care workers so that you're working towards the same goal. But maybe there's a history of abuse or trauma and the It's not safe yet. Doesn't mean it won't ever be safe. Sometimes it won't, but sometimes there's a whole healing process that can take place, and maybe it's not time for that person to be in the session, or maybe they're not able to be in the session. Maybe they're in jail. Um, so that, that might be, you may not include some of these people, or it might be a drawback. Some of these things might be drawbacks. For using family play therapy there, there's a lot of different temperaments that you have to manage and possibly, most likely, typically different developmental stages and, um, abilities. So you're having to figure out what you're gonna do about that. Um. So these are some of the things that you need to think about. And I would say one of the drawbacks would be if you don't have a strategic family play therapy model that you're using, then it probably isn't gonna go well. You really need to be trained to use. Uh, a family play therapy model, either like a, an attachment based, where you're using parent child in the session together or maybe, uh, an a family play therapy model that you're using, because fundamentally it's a shift in your clinical mindset about roles and responsibilities. So you really wanna be trained. To use a, a, a, a specific model. So can the answer be both? Can you do both? I would say yes. I typically use both. I typically will start off with individual play therapy and meeting with the parents separately. In the beginning, that gives me a chance to get a better sense of what's going on. I tell parents though, from the beginning, from that very first phone call where they contact me and from that diagnostic intake appointment, I tell them at some point. We are most likely going to be using a family play therapy approach, and we'll figure out what that's gonna look like. I tell them from the get go that they are active participants, that they are critical to the success of the treatment outcomes. They're important. I say all of that from the very beginning. So I set the stage and then I will explain how plate therapy is, is gonna work. The way that I do it. So there you go. So that, those are the, the pros and cons, so to speak, of individual versus family play therapy, the benefits and drawbacks of both. I think it's really important for you to think about some of these things when you are. Making decisions about the treatment approach. What are you gonna be doing in sessions and what is play therapy actually gonna look like in the way in which you provide play therapy? So let's do a quick recap. We are looking at is the topic for today is, is individual play therapy better than family play therapy? There are benefits and drawbacks to both. Individual fam, individual play therapy and family play therapy, and it's important for you to use your clinical decision making based on the theoretical model that you're using and you've had training. And I would say consultation and peer support is what takes those, that training information to know how to apply it. Um, I, I feel like it's hard for us to do this alone, in theory alone, just not get the successful outcomes that we need. We've gotta be able to apply it. And then how do you apply it is where the rubber hits the road. And so that's where I, I feel like we support, which is why I created Elevation Circle and Play Therapy Academy. Plus I do trainings as well. And I'm gonna talk a little bit about some training trainings that I have coming up. If you're interested and you would like some more training, um, I do think it's important to figure out. What you're gonna be doing using the pros and cons and what makes the same most sense for your client. Each specific client based on your, your case conceptualization of what's going on and why is it happening and what patterns are supporting it. And then also I, I, I think we can use both. I think we, oh, I, I think it's possible. Um, I think some people really prefer using family play therapy right from the beginning. I don't think a lot of people are doing that. I think most people are just using most play therapists and child and adolescent therapists are just using. Individual play therapy and then kind of adding the parent in here and there. I, I find using both to be very beneficial. Like I usually start out with individual play therapy and then working separately with the parent. That way I'm building rapport with both of 'em and getting a sense, uh, building trust and getting a sense of what's going on and where we need to. To focus on what we need to do because case conceptualization is ongoing. We're con, we have our initial case conceptualization and then we adjust as we go through the treatment process. So I think adding family play therapy into the treatment process is a game changer. I use it all the time. So that is it for today. Oh, the, sorry, I forgot my last point, which is if you're gonna be using family play therapy, then I really think it's important to get trained in a family play therapy model because family play therapy is not individual play therapy plus one or plus two. It's not using an individual play therapy model and then just. Kind of adding parents in there. I mean, you can do that if you're just bringing parents in for parent coaching so that they, you know, like maybe the last 15 minutes of the session just to go over, here's what we did today. Here are the skills, here's what you know, that's gonna look like practicing. Here's how parents can help, that kind of thing. But if you're, if you wanna make a fundamental shift within the family system that's gonna promote. Long-term resiliency and positive treatment outcomes for your client. Then thinking about them systemically within the context of the most important relationships they have, which is their family. Then I think family play therapy can be a game changer. You, you need to be trained in it though, because there are some fundamental shifts for that. Which brings me to, if you're interested in getting some training, I do have a training coming up on my attachment focused family play therapy model that's coming up in November. So in this, I'm, I'm really gonna go over kind of the neuroscience and attachment. Focus of thinking about the child from that lens and what that looks like from a family systems point of what are you doing in the sessions? How are you conceptualizing and thinking about it? So that, and then what are the stages? How do you, what's your role? That's really important to know. What is your role. It's gonna be a little different than an individual. Play therapy sessions. Your role and parents' role are a little different in family play therapy sessions. So I'll go over each, I'll go over the roles and what that looks like in each stage of the attachment focused family play therapy model. And then how are you choosing your interventions, because that's usually what moves the needle for play therapists to figure out. How do I do this and how do I do it effectively and how do I do it in a way that really makes a difference for my clients to get the healing that they're looking for? And so that's. That's the training that I have coming up on Saturday, November 8th. You can do it in person or virtual. There's two options available, so if you're, if you're in the, if you want to take a visit to Beautiful St. George, Utah, or maybe you're in the area. And maybe you need some in-person play therapy training hours, then I would highly recommend this would be a training that would help you move the needle in that way. If you, if you're, you know, you wanna take it virtually, there is a virtual training option, so you are gonna wanna hop over to my website at rh play therapy training.com. Click on the training page and then you'll see attachment focused family play therapy. And then you'll pick which, which option you, if you want the in-person or if you want the virtual option. I also have an in-person San Tray training coming up in December, which, um, that is using a neuroscience and attachment lens in. Sorry. Using a neuroscience and attachment lens with play with Sant tray in play therapy. My mouth is not working right now using a neuroscience and attachment lens with Sant tray in play therapy. That's a two day really immersive, very small. I do a maximum of 12. That like, that's for me, that's like. Most, usually it's like eight to 10, but I'll, I'll take up to 12 max. Um, we do a lot of making sand trays and processing sand trays and learning what to look for using a neuroscience and attachment lens. What does that look like to explore those implicit experiences and use the sand tray process to. To facilitate some changes in that way. That one's really small. It's in person only. I like when I do sanctuary trainings. I like having people get their hands. In the sand, the sensory experience and is so powerful that I like play therapists to experience that for themselves. So if you're interested in that training, you have plenty of time to make those plane reservations and hotel reservations, or if you're local to sign. Um, space is very, very limited for that one. And then for those of you who are looking for support, I actually have openings I have right now. I have one opening. I might have two openings in Play Therapy Academy. That's my hands on consultation program. Um, so if you're interested in that one, then hop over to my website at rh play therapy training.com. Go on the consultation page for Plate Therapy Academy. If you're interested in Elevation Circle, um, straight enrollment isn't open just yet. It's gonna be opening up. So if you want to get on the wait list for that, then pop over to my website. There's tons of stuff over there. And I will see you next time. Oh, I forgot all. We're putting all of these links in the comments. Feel free to reach out to me and send me a message if you have questions. Alrighty, see you next week. Bye for now. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Next Level Play Therapy. I hope you found the discussion valuable and gain new insights and ideas to support your work helping children, adolescents, and families heal. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. Your feedback helps to improve and reach more people who can benefit from this information. Remember, play therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth. Whether you're a new play therapist or experienced, I encourage you to continue your learning journey to unlock the potential of play in your own work in relationships. If you have any questions or topics, suggestions for future episodes, I'd love to hear from you. Connect with me on social media. And visit my website at Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training to stay updated on upcoming episodes, trainings, and resources. Thank you once again for listening to Next Level Play Therapy. Until next time, keep playing, learning and growing.