The Isolated Play Therapist Syndrome: Why You’re Feeling Burned Out

If you're a play therapist — especially in your first few years — and you're the only one in your agency or you're in private practice figuring this out by yourself, this is for you.

You went into this work because you genuinely believe in the power of play therapy to heal kids. You're passionate about this. 

You're not here because it was easy — you're here because it matters to you

And the reality is that you’re probably the only “kid therapist” in your agency or maybe you’re in private practice in an office surrounded by adult therapists asking you to keep the noise down in your office because it’s distracting their sessions.

In today’s free podcast episode we’re talking about what’s not being talked about out loud 👇

the cost of trying to be a play therapist without a strong community to support you and the impact this has on your clinical decision-making (and if we’re being honest - your own emotional well-being).

We’re discussing The Isolated Play Therapist Syndrome.

What it is and why it’s keeping your clients from making progress and leaving you feeling overwhelmed, second-guessing your clinical decisions, and wondering if you’re good enough.

If you’re feeling isolated, overwhelmed, and frustrated as a play therapist, then you don’t want to miss this episode.  

Join my free Facebook Community Play and Expressive Arts Therapy Playground.

Check out my free resources for mental health professionals working with children, adolescents, and families who want to integrate play therapy and expressive arts into their clinical work.

I work with individuals and agencies to develop successful strategies and meet the treatment needs of your child and adolescent clients and their families using play therapy & expressive arts.

Contact me to schedule a free 30-minute video call if you're ready to level up your skills

Transcript

0:02

Welcome to Next Level Play Therapy, a weekly podcast dedicated to supporting the next generation of child and adolescent therapists to provide exceptional play therapy services. We'll explore all things play therapy to elevate your work with children and adolescents using the therapeutic powers of play. I'll discuss practical tips and ideas so you can provide a transformative experience for your young clients and make a real difference in their lives. So get ready to take your play therapy skills to the next level and make a lasting impact in the lives of children, adolescents, and families. Hey there. Welcome to this week's episode of Next Level Play Therapy. So if you're a play therapist, especially if it- you're in your first few years or maybe you're in private practice or in, um, and figuring it out all by yourself, this episode is for you. So the thing is, you, like all of us, myself included, went into this work because we believe in the power of play therapy to heal children, and we're passionate about the work that we do. And we're not here because it's easy, we're here because we care. We care about children healing, we care about them getting better, and we also know that it's kind of early intervention. Like, if you can make a difference helping children heal when they're young, then that kind of sets them on a different trajectory when they get older and they have less layers to, they have to unravel when they're an adult. So the thing is though, what I find happens, 'cause I talk to a lot of play therapists, we talk about this a lot in Play Therapy Academy. It's also one of the reasons I decided to expand my membership. So originally I had Play Therapy Academy. That one's still going. That one's the more deep dive if you really wanna learn the skills and learn how to use play therapy model across all the stages. That's Play Therapy Academy. What I realized was in talking to people is that not everybody needed Play Therapy Academy or maybe they weren't quite ready for that level of deep dive. But they were feeling isolated and alone and like they're the only play therapist in their agency, and that was having a toll not only on them, their clinical decision-making. It was also having a toll on their emotional wellbeing. So what happens is that you get hired because you like working with kids or you're a kid therapist, but you're the only one in your agency or maybe you're in private practice and you're surrounded by adult therapists who might be asking you to keep it down'cause you're, you're disrupting their sessions with the noise level, especially when you get those more rambunctious clients who are kind of loud. You know what sessions I'm talking about. And so what happens is you end up sitting with that alone and there's nobody else around who gets it. These… We talk about this all the time in Play Therapy Academy, because what I find is there's a thing that's going on in the play therapy community that we really don't talk about, and that is being the isolated play therapist. So I'm calling that the isolated play therapist syndrome. So that's what we are talking about today. So if that's, if that's you, then you're definitely gonna wanna tune in today because we're talking about what it is and why it's impacting your client's ability to make progress using play therapy, and if we're being totally honest, why it's probably having an emotional impact on you as well. Because you're feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, second-guessing yourself, and probably sometimes feeling like a failure and wondering if you're the worst play therapist or if you're cut out to be the, a pl- a good play therapist. So that is what we are talking about today. Today's episode is titled The Isolated Play

Therapist Syndrome: 5:00

Why You're Feeling Burned Out. All right. So the first thing I wanna talk about is what I call the trap. So m- I can't even believe this is still happening, to be honest. So I've been in the field… I started out in mental health field in 1992. I've always wanted to work with kids since I was little. I was going to heal the world and save all the children. That was me, and then I just had to figure out a profession that would earn money so I could move out of my parents' house and be independent, start my own life, but also follow my dream, follow my passion, and what I believed was my mission in life, and that was to help children heal. Now, sometimes what I hear is, um, therapists know that they are passionate about healing, and they feel this calling that they want to help chi- um, help, help people heal. A lot of times as we come into our own healing and, um, kind of seeing the power, and then we have this desire to give back and help others, and it feels like a calling. This isn't just a job for therapists. This feels like a calling Hey, Jared and Alexa on Instagram. I can see you guys on there. This feels like a calling, and so what, what happens is sometimes, like myself, we know that we wanna work with kids. I've always known I wanted to help children, children heal. I just didn't know what that meant until I got into my own counseling when I was in my 20s. And then I realized, oh, this is what I wanna do. But I also got introduced when I was this play therapist, I got introdu- sorry, when I was a special education teacher back in the 1980s, the school social worker and the school psychologist at the time in the center where I worked with children who were, um, categorized as emotionally disturbed. I hate that, that classification. We still use it today. I don't get it. Anyhoodles. Um, but they were doing this thing called play therapy back in the mid-'80s, and that's how I got introduced to it, and I realized, oh my gosh, this is it. I don't wanna do the teaching part. I wanna do the therapy part, and I wanna do this play therapy thing, which sent me on a journey getting my master's degree. But the thing is, um, there wasn't really anything about play therapy back then. We didn't have the internet. I couldn't find things on the internet, and there wasn't much known about it. So I got my master's degree with this mission that I felt I had, I still feel it, a calling to help children heal. Now I, I, in my calling, I feel like we're, we're call- I'm called to help families heal, children and their families, 'cause I like to look at things systemically. And so I set out to find my job, uh, get started in my, in my new profession, and found out that I got hired because I like working with kids. But there wasn't really any support in place. All my supervisors worked with adults. They didn't know how to work with kids, and there wasn't anybody around that knew how to work with kids. And the thing is, I hear stories every… All the time. I hear stories this is still happening. It's still happening that you get out of graduate school may- Although now in graduate school sometimes you'll have a play therapy training, not always. Sometimes you do that. I am hearing that more and more as play therapy has become more of the, what I call the go-to m- uh, method for working with children. That being said, what I would call play therapy and what somebody else would call play therapy who's not trained in play therapy are prob- probably different things. And so what happens is you get hired because you like working with kids, but there's probably nobody around who knows how to support you to use play therapy. Because most of the people in the agency or the practice that you're working in, most of them are adult therapists, or they'll say that they're adolescent and adult therapists, and basically they're just using adult models of therapy with adolescents. And so what ends up happening is, well, the advice that I got 35, almost, almost 35 years ago was, "Oh, you know, just pull out games and just get them to talk, or use a worksheet to build some skills." And I don't know about you, but that didn't work very well for me and it didn't work very well for my clients, and I find that's still happening today. So what ends up happening is, you know about play therapy. You've maybe taken a class in it when you were in graduate school, or maybe you watched some YouTube videos, or you've, um, gone to a free training, or you've looked it up on the internet and you and Dr. Google, AI, had an, uh, amazing conversation about play therapy. Or maybe you read a play therapy book or you have a play therapy book on your shelf But there's no real support around to help you know how to apply that through every stage of play therapy. Or when you're feeling stuck, even experienced ther- play therapists, we get stuck. I get stuck still sometimes. And when you don't have somebody who knows how to speak the language of play, then you're f- you're kind of left feeling frustrated, second-guessing your clinical decisions, and maybe second-guessing your career decisions, or thinking maybe you're a terrible play therapist. And that's the toll, I think. That's what I call the toll. So what ends up happening, because you're the only kid therapist and you're the only one doing play therapy in your agency, or maybe now you're in private practice and you're doing play therapy, but you're surrounded by adult therapists, then you don't have anybody to help you get unstuck. You don't have anyone to give you feedback. You don't have anyone to share resources or ideas. Yes, Jared says, "Yes, I was told it was easy." I know, Jared. I, I can't belie- oh, I'm gonna finish what he said'cause I got I went in my head. Just play a game and write a note and move on. I know, it's still happening. I ca- I… And I f- I find that interesting with… And maybe, maybe not interesting. Maybe it, you know, you could say, yeah, the more we know about play therapy but don't know how to do play therapy, the more that we make assumptions about how it's done. And what we're really doing is using an adult model, y- pulling out games and toys to, to facilitate an adult model approach, rather than understanding play is the healing. And so when you don't have anybody around to help you with that or Or you're on a phone call with a parent and they're telling you, we hear this all the time in Play Therapy Academy, and so what happens in Play Therapy Academy is we, we give support. We… You know, because we speak the language, they don't have to explain play therapy to us. We all speak l- the same language. And so what happens is you get this phone call from a parent telling you all the terrible things that are going on. Their ch- their child is getting in trouble at school, or they failed a test, or they just had a major meltdown that lasted an hour, again, for the third time that day, and three times that week, right? And parents are overwhelmed and stressed out, so they're giving you a call, and now you're listening, kind of maybe even taking some notes, and, and maybe you're smiling because you wanna, you wanna reassure and, and look like you know what you're talking about. But maybe on the inside, your heart is kinda racing, or maybe you're- y- you have a big lump in your throat, or maybe you're feeling a little nauseous now because you really don't know what to do, and you're feeling the weight of that, the weight of that to fix it fast because that's what you- your, your mission is, to help kids heal, to help their families heal. But you're feeling the weight of the world in that moment, second-guessing whether you're good enough to do this job. I've heard that so many times in Play Therapy Academy. Um, Elevation Circle is a little newer, so the, the likelihood that's happening with people in Elevation Circle is very high as well. I also hear it when I get on phone calls, video calls with people. So if people are interested in Play Therapy Academy or, um, they're not sure Play Therapy Academy or Elevation Circle is the right fit, so we'll get on a video call and we'll figure it out together. Um, and I hear the same stories over and over and over and over and over again. And here's the reality of the situation Even the best clinicians in the field did not figure this out all alone. We had mentors, we had colleagues that we trusted their clinical advice. We had a community helping them to get there faster. I will tell you, that is one of the things that I love about, uh, Play Therapy Academy, and I also love it about Elevation Circle. In fact, Alexa and I were in book club meeting just last weekend, and I can't tell you how fun it was to get nerdy and talk about the thing that we're passionate about, which is family play therapy and how we're using that, and why does it make a difference, 'cause that's kind of loosely based on the chapter we were discussing, um, from the book that we're reading. But you know what that does when you're, when you're with others who are passionate about play therapy and, and feel the same calling that you do. When you're with them, then you realize, you know what? It's not me. I'm not a terrible therapist. I'm just isolated. And that's what I find in Play Therapy Academy, as somebody comes on a call and they're doing a case presentation, and they just had just a horrible phone call from a parent and telling them what's not working, or they had a therapy session with a child that went really rough. Like we had this conversation in Elevation Circle during one of our monthly mastermind meetings in which a client did a room wreck, right? How many of you have been in a play therapy session where the client has just wrecked the room and you're thinking, "I don't know if this is helpful. I don't know if this is helpful." Or, uh, you go-- you walk outside and you see all the adult therapists kind of look, in the office looking at you really irritated and saying things like, "Can you… You know, that session really disrupted. We didn't get much work done because your client was so loud." Which I get it. I'm not saying that's, that's not frustrating if you're, if you're an adult there. I get that part. And at the same time, as a play therapist, sometimes we, we have to hold this Event or situation and we don't know what to do with it, and who do you go to to get support? And that was one of the things in, in our Elevation Circle meeting, we were able to kind of figure out what was at the root of it, come up with some solutions, give some ideas. And then, um, we got some, you know, some interesting conversations ongoing after that. So that's the thing. When, when you're doing it by yourself, when you're isolated, you start to wonder if you're cut out for it. You start to wonder whether or not you've failed or whether or not you're the worst play therapist, uh, that ever walked the planet, not because anybody told you that, but because you don't have anybody, you don't have anybody to tell you that's not the case. That's one of the things that I love about Play Therapy Academy and Elevation Circle when we do our consultation meetings is that w- we, we do have the ability to give you feedback because the likelihood that you're a terrible play therapist is very slim. And it's more likely that you're isolated, and because you're isolated, now you're second guessing and you're doubting yourself, and you're feeling the full weight of this all by yourself We tell our clients, parents to get support, right? We tell them, "You need to do some self-care. You need to get some support." Here's the reality about being a play therapist, and I felt this weight myself, especially when my kids were little, and I fortunately had a good support network. So I found that really helpful. I could sta- you know, I had a place to go to staff some cases, get some support, get some feedback, um, which I wouldn't be the therapist that I am today without the support that I got along the way. And so as play therapists, we're feeling the weight all by ourselves, the weight of the work that we do because it matters. Not because it's easy, but because it matters to us. This is a calling. It's not just a, um, a job. We feel it in our… way down deep in our bones. I know that's not a real thing, but you know what I mean metaphorically. We feel it deeply. And what happens when we don't have the support, we, we take all of that weight on by ourselves. So as play therapists, we do that in our job, and then we go home, and what do we have left over for our own family? Some days we're just really drained. And I don't know about you, but there were days that I felt guilty that I could show up in ways for 45 minutes. I'd have to remind myself,"Well, you only had them for 45 minutes." I could show up for 45 minutes in ways for my client that I didn't have energy for my own kids sometimes. Not always, but sometimes it was hard to, to regroup. And so if one of the things we tell parents is you need, you need to do some self-care, you need to get some support, and yet do we do that for ourselves as, as play therapists? If you're doing it by yourself and you don't have a community of support, then are you really doing your self-care? Right? Are you getting the support that you need? Sometimes it feels like, um, you know, I think people are like,"Oh, I don't have time to…" Like, I have a membership, two, two different ones actually. One for higher… Play Therapy Academy is for skill building, community-based. I love our consultation calls. I just love the conversations that we have and the connections that we have. There's courses and other things in Play Therapy Academy, and so that's the o- that's, that's what I create- tried to create. I, my goal is to create that with Elevation Circle. Not, we don't do the level of deep dive and skill building we do in Play Therapy Academy, but we do provide support. We have a monthly mastermind, and we, we connect, and we help each other out, and we provide a safe space. There's no judgment. I don't do the whole ideology bullying that goes on sometimes in the internet. Mental health people are sometimes as bad about that as church people, um, can be or, or, you know, other people. People can be judgmental and, and so if you have a group where you feel like you can, can go and get the support that you need in a safe way and talk about the things that you're struggling with, then that investment of time, and I would say m- money, that investment of time and money pays itself off in helping you to feel supported, heard, held, understood, with resources and ideas given And to me, that's, that's the solution. When you are feeling like you're not good enough, um, when you're doubting yourself, when you're overwhelmed, when you're burned out, when you're feeling crispy fried, when you're feeling guilty that you give more to your clients than you do to your own family, then that's evidence that you're not a ba- a bad play therapist. It's evidence that you're a thoughtful one, that you care about kids and healing and your own family. You've been carrying a weight that we were never meant to carry alone, that w- we are wired for community. Um, we are wired to support each other. It's just a matter of getting connected with the right community, the right support people, so that you're not doing it alone. You weren't trained to be isolated. You were trained to help kids heal. Those are two different things. And right now, isolation might be getting in the way of Being the play therapist that you really want to be, one that's not second-guessing, not self-doubting, not feeling like a horrible like you're letting everybody down, including yourself, mostly your family. Um, because there is another way, and the other way is not being isolated. The other way is having a community of support around you to help you carry the weight, to help you get feedback, to help you get ideas, to give you a pat on the back. I can't tell you how many times we've had somebody will, uh, will be having a, a consultation, group consultation meeting, and somebody will share, or in that our group chat share a situation in which, um, maybe they had a really rough, rough conversation with the parent who was super frustrated, not well, not well-regulated. Or they're caught in the middle of a high-conflict divorce family situation, and they're feeling the push me, pull me of the, the really harsh dynamics between the parents who are not co-parenting very well, and feeling the weight of helping that child navigate a really challenging family situation. The, the weight of that can feel overwhelming. Um, and so when, when we have those group meetings, then we, uh… I, this is my favorite part, watching the support that is given to that person, and then watching the weight of it be lifted off their shoulders, and I just watch them go from hunched over, overwhelmed, and burdened to feeling lighter, feeling like it's been lifted, and they've been, um, kind of rejuvenated to be energized and get back, back out there and be their best selves, not only for their clients but also their families. Because I'm a firm believer that we, we can't let our jobs interfere with the most important people in our lives, which is our family. So that's the balance that we're always having to navigate, that balance between our family And the calling that we have to help children and families heal. And so that, this is what I'm gonna be talking about over the next few weeks, um, this whole, um, thing of being an isolated play therapist, talking about the impact of it, and stop being isolated and start moving towards being in community. A community where you find your people, a community where you get the clinical support that you need to do the work that you were called to do to fulfill the mission that you, that you believe that you have. So, um, we'll be talking more about that. So just a quick recap Um, most play th-- the trap is that there-- most play therapists are the only kid therapists in their agency, and you're surrounded by adult therapists who don't understand play therapy. And when you need somebody to talk to to get feedback and ideas, there's nobody to get it from, or you get suggestions like, "You know, just pull out a game. It's kids, they're easy. Just play with them. They're kids. Pull out a game, do some art, do a worksheet for skill building. Everything will be fine." Um, and the, you know, they kinda act like the real work is working with adults because that's where the real work is. I, I don't think it's meant that way. I just think it happens'cause they don't understand. The toll of that is you're getting left to carry the weight of it by yourself, play therapy session after play therapy session after play therapy session after play therapy session. You are working, holding hard things, helping children and families navigate session after session after session, phone call after phone call after phone call with no support, nobody who speaks your language. And it's a lot like trying to n-navigate where everybody speaks Spanish but you only speak French. You need to find people who speak your language. But also not just speak your language, but people you connect with and that you, um, feel like you can trust and be vulnerable and open up. That's the safe space. That's where the deeper work needs to get done. That's the community. So if you've been feeling like a failure or second-guessing yourself or having self-doubt, the likelihood you're a terrible play therapist is not very high. It's probably that you're an isolated play therapist who needs to be connected with other play therapists who understand the language of play that clinically align, uh, with you and your values as well, um, can give you feedback and ideas. So that is it for today's episode. Um, I'd love to know… Oh, I just realized I totally forgot to I totally forgot to invite you to, um, comment. I would, I would love to hear, um- your experience, post them in the comments. If you're watching on the live stream episode, feel free to post those in the comments. If you are watching the replay, feel free to comment your experiences or send me a message if you'd rather do it privately. Please feel free to send me a message. If you're interested, um, in being part of Play Therapy Academy, um, I do have some openings right now. So Play Therapy Academy is limited in size. Um, we meet twice a month. The focus of Play Therapy Academy is skill building. So this is where you're going to take your theoret- play therapy model and learn how to apply it through every stage of play therapy. And what that looks like with different clients, um, different issues. So how do you, how do you, um How do you apply that theoretical model through every stage? Because your play therapy model is gonna influence how you make sense of what the problem is and what are the patterns sustaining it, and then it's also gonna be your roadmap. So when people feel like they're stuck or lost, it's probably'cause they veered off Their play therapy model, which is like your GPS, and they haven't figured out how to get back to the, to the path that's gonna lead them to the final destination, which is helping clients to accomplish that goal that they want to accomplish. So in Play Therapy Academy, we have twice a month group consultations. People are presenting every time. We're doing case conceptualization. We're breaking that down. We're looking at your play therapy model. How are you applying that model for your clients? So the benefit of a group consultation is not only my 30-plus years of experience, but you also get… This is my favorite part, is you get the collective willi- uh, wisdom of those who are in Play Therapy Academy kind of sharing ideas, sharing feedback, sharing experiences, so you know you're not alone, and at the same time you're building your skills. Um, there's also play therapy courses in there. There's also, uh, a group chat feature. If you're in Play Therapy Academy, you have access to all the Play Therapy Elevation things as well, like the book club and the mini trainings in there as well. If you're interested in Play Therapy Academy, and you're ready to take your skills to the next level, just schedule a video call with me. Um, you can pop over to my website at rhplaytherapytraining.com. That's rhplaytherapytraining.com, Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training. Um, pop over to the supervision page, look for Play Therapy Academy, and schedule a 30-minute video call with me. We will see if Play Therapy Academy is a good fit for you. Um, because maybe Elevation Circle is- it's closed right now. Elevation Circle is closed right now. But maybe it's a better fit. But maybe Play Therapy Academy can help you accomplish the goal of becoming a play therapist who's confident and feels capable of using a specific model to help children heal. So if you're interested, then, um, we're gonna also post the links in the, in the comments. So if you're watching on Instagram, you can just click my bio, and it'll take you over there. If you're watching on Facebook, LinkedIn, or YouTube, you can click in the comments, get the link to schedule, or pop over to my website. And if you found this information helpful, I would love it if you would, um If you're watching on YouTube, hit that like and subscribe button so you get notif- and also notifications so you find out when, um, a new episode, when I'm going live again, and when the replay's available. Or if you f- um, also feel free to share it across your social media platforms. For those of you who are listening on the podcast, and feel free to reach out to me, Instagram, you can send me a message or email me. Also, um, feel free to share the information with your colleagues. And I will see you next week. Bye for now. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Next Level Play Therapy. I hope you found the discussion valuable and gained new insights and ideas to support your work helping children, adolescents, and families heal. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. Your feedback helps to improve and reach more people who can benefit from this information. Remember, play therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth. Whether you're a new play therapist or experienced, I encourage you to continue your learning journey to unlock the potential of play in your own work and relationships. If you have any questions or topic suggestions for future episodes, I'd love to hear from you. Connect with me on social media and visit my website at Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training to stay updated on upcoming episodes, trainings, and resources. Thank you once again for listening to Next Level Play Therapy. Until next time, keep playing, learning, and growing