More Years of Experience Won't Fix What's Actually Making You Doubt Yourself as a Play Therapist

I want to talk about something that a lot of play therapists are silently betting their entire career on — the idea that *more time and more experience* is what's going to eventually make them feel confident and capable in the play therapy room.

That one day they'll hit some magic number of years and the self-doubt will just... disappear. 

The second-guessing will stop. 

The anxiety before parent calls will go away. 

They'll finally feel like they know what they're doing.

And I want to lovingly, respectfully push back on that — because I think that belief is keeping a lot of really talented play therapists stuck for longer than they need to be.

During this week’s podcast episode, I want to talk about what we silently say in our minds and don’t dare talk about it for fear of judgment and rejection.

This week I want to talk about what are the beliefs and behaviors feeding the self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and second-guessing clinical decisions keeping amazing play therapists from achieving confidence.

If you’ve secretly thought experience is the only reason you’re lacking confidence as a play therapist, then you don’t want to miss this episode.

Join my free Facebook Community Play and Expressive Arts Therapy Playground.

Check out my free resources for mental health professionals working with children, adolescents, and families who want to integrate play therapy and expressive arts into their clinical work.

I work with individuals and agencies to develop successful strategies and meet the treatment needs of your child and adolescent clients and their families using play therapy & expressive arts.

Contact me to schedule a free 30-minute video call if you're ready to level up your skills

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Welcome to Next Level Play Therapy, a weekly podcast dedicated to supporting the next generation of child and adolescent therapists to provide exceptional play therapy services. We'll explore all things play therapy to elevate your work with children and adolescents using the therapeutic powers of play. I'll discuss practical tips and ideas so you can provide a transformative experience for your young clients and make a real difference in their lives. So get ready to take your play therapy skills to the next level and make a lasting impact in the lives of children, adolescents, and families. Hey there. Welcome to this week's episode of Next Level Play Therapy. And this week, I wanna talk about something that we don't really talk about, and a lot- I think a lot of play therapists are betting their careers on, and that idea that more time and experience are what are gonna help you eventually feel more competent and capable in the playroom. That one day, some magic number is gonna, is gonna get rid of that self-doubt, and that it'll eventually disappear, that you'll stop second-guessing your decisions, that you'll stop dreading those parent phone calls or parent meetings, and that you'll finally start feeling like you know what you're doing. So this week, I want to lovingly and respectfully push back on that a little bit, because I think that idea, that belief, is keeping a lot of really talented play therapists from staying stuck longer than they actually need to. And I see this all the time in Play Therapy Academy, and also my newer, um, play therapy membership, Play Therapy Elevation Circle. I see this happen all the time. A lot of second-guessing, a lot of self-doubt, a lot of feeling like you're not doing a good job, and you're letting your clients down, and you're letting yourself down. You're doubting every decision, and a lot of that is because you're doing it by yourself. And I've, I've seen people in the, in the play therapy field and the mental health field who are, who have been in for a while, who are experienced and still struggling, and keep thinking, 'Well, more time, more training, more experience under my belt is what's gonna actually move the needle.' And then we get into, in our consultation meetings, and we get- begin to help them realize they have a lot of clinical wisdom and a lot of clinical insights, and that the second-guessing and not having anybody to bounce ideas off is what's keeping them stuck. And so that's what I wanna talk about today. So if you're watching live, I would love for you to post your name in the comments. Where are you from? What population are you working with? What play therapy modality are you using? Um, and let's get started for this week. So I wanna talk about that fear that we've kind of, that belief system that we kind of silently say in our minds, but don't say outside of our heads for fear of rejection and, um, judgment. And that's the beliefs and the behaviors that are feeding the self-doubt and second-guessing and imposter syndrome, and keeping really amazing play therapists from gaining confidence. So if any of this hits home for you, then keep on listening for today and let's get started. So today what we're talking about is this idea, this belief that more years of experience won't fix what's actually making you doubt yourself as a play therapist And, and I get it, the belief, um, that more experience is the reason you lack confidence, it makes sense. And almost every profession, time and experience equal mastery. So you put in the hours, you gain the experience, you get better, and that's how we all think that learning works, right? And honestly, all of that does matter. The trainings matter and the ti- because it gives you more knowledge. The t- the experience you get gives you more, um, skills and tools in your toolbox. So all of those things are really good. Um, so I'm not gonna say that those aren't important because I believe they are important. Training is important. Experience is important, and you do gain good things from that. What, what I notice is it doesn't really m- move the needle every time. So, um- You can, you can… Maybe you're in year two or year four, and you're struggling, and your natural conclusion is, "I just need more time and experience under my belt." So if any of this feels like you, um, and you're listening on the live stream, or maybe you're listening on the replay, uh, uh, on YouTube or LinkedIn or even in my Facebook group, I want you to put, like, a raise your hand emoji in the comments, or feel free to message me privately if you'd rather have that conversation privately. You can just message me. If you're listening on the podcast, then feel free to pop over to my Instagram channel and send me a message, or we usually post the, uh, podcast episodes on my YouTube channel and in my Facebook group, so you can just message me as well, or post in the comments. Um, so if that, if that's the truth, if the truth is we do need more time to get experience in building some skills and getting things in our toolbox, and training does add to our knowledge, then why is it that you're second-guessing yourself? Why is it that you have imposter syndrome, worrying any day now somebody's gonna figure out, parents are gonna figure out that you don't know what you're doing, and they're gonna pull their child from play therapy, and it'll be all your fault? If those… If just time and experience were all that n- were needed to gain mastery, then why do you still feel anxious before talking to parents or having those parent meetings or taking those parent phone calls? Um, or why do s- why do you still doubt your decisions after play therapy sessions, thinking you should have done this, or you should have done that, and that's the reason your client isn't progressing? So what's the missing ingredient then? And here's the question that I want you to sit with. If that's true, if time and experience fixed everything, then why is it that even play therapists with 10 or more years of experience, why is it sometimes they still second-guess themselves, or they don't feel confident 100% of the time every single day of the week? If that were true, if time and experience fixed everything and you were good to go all the time, then why doesn't that work? Because that's not actually what we see. There are experienced play therapists, people with a decade or more of play therapy s- sessions behind them who are still second-guessing their treatment decisions, still dread certain parent phone calls, still fly- feel like they're flying blind sometimes, especially with more complex cases. And the reality is sometimes I struggle. Sometimes I, especially with the more complex cases, and I've been doing this a few decades, if time and experience fixed everything, and why wouldn't we feel confident 100% of the time every single day of the week?'Cause I can tell you I don't. So, uh, and I teach and I train and I mentor and I consult and I talk to all kinds of people. So if that were true, why, why wouldn't I feel confident all of the time every single day for every single session, for every single client? Why wouldn't I, why wouldn't I feel confident all the time? Because, um, sometimes we struggle. Why is that? What I find is that the people who struggle the most are the people who are doing it alone. And I'll be honest, we see this, we see this in mental health also. I see this all the time with clients. We- what do we do? We wanna make sure they're not isolated, because when you're isolated, your depression, your anxiety, all your mental health issues get worse. Why is that? Because you start getting in your head about things. You don't have anybody around you to tell you anything different. So why would we think, why would we think as play therapists in a mental health field working with very complex clients with very complex issues that can be overwhelming to hold session after session after session after session, why would we think that doing it alone is gonna be the answer? In fact, that I, what I find is the more isolated somebody is and the more iso- and I'll say specifically the more isolated play therapists are, you could even say mental health professionals in general, the more isolated The more isolated you are, the worse your self-doubt is, the worse your second-guessing is. And, and you might even be somebody who's more of an introverted personality style, so you, you, you can go internal and work some things out. You don't always need somebody to talk things through like I do, as more of an extroverted style of personality. But the reality is we're relational beings, and there's always gonna be a case that stumps all of us, and that's gonna happen more than once. Because the reality is we're wired to be relational beings, and so doing things on our lo- on our own and carrying this load on our own is, is doesn't even make sense because it doesn't work very well. And that ends up causing, causing us to second-guess ourselves, and self-doubt, and imposter syndrome to kick in because time without reflection Doesn't produce confidence, it just produces more time. So here's an example of what I'm talking about. So if you think about the most confident, high-performing clin- clinicians in any specialty that have actually developed their expertise, think about those. So let's think about surgeons. They don't just log hours all by themselves in the operating room and hope it gets better. They debrief, they do case reviews, they have other surgeons looking over the work and giving feedback. Psychiatrists have supervision and consultation. Researchers have peer reviews. Athletes have coaches and teammates. The e- entire structure of professional excellence in virtually every field is built around this idea of collaborative reflection, not isolated repetition. So here's what that means for you. If you're a play therapist, um, confidence doesn't come from accumulating more hours by yourself. If you're a confident play therapist, then it, the, your confidence is really co- gonna come more from actively thinking alongside and having that support network around you where you can get feedback from other people who get it. And I'm not talking about, um, feedback from, and support and ideas and resources. I'm not talking about learning to become a play ther- a confident play therapist that feels, um, capable of helping their clients and, and reducing that second guessing. I'm, I'm not talking about going to people who are not play therapists and getting support. Going to adult therapists who don't get it is not really gonna move the needle either. I've learned that myself, and I hear that all the time when I talk to people Because what ends up happening is you end up having to explain what play therapy is, and they kinda look at you with a look of like,"Ah, I don't really understand what you're talking about." But they wanna help because they care about you, and they wanna support you, and they see that you're struggling, so you get feedback like, you know, pull out a game or an art activity and d- that'll help them talk, right? Well, that getting them to talk is more of an adult mindset, an adult therapy mindset, and not understanding the work is through the play. The language we're speaking is play. So where they don't, they don't really understand that, and that's not their area of expertise, so it makes total sense. When you're the only play therapist in the building, and you're second guessing yourself and thinking more time and experience is gonna help you feel more capable, I'm here to say that's, that's probably not gonna be the case, and it's probably gonna take you longer to develop the skills that you need to develop because you're trying to do it by yourself. You're going to the trainings, which is great. You're reading the books, which is great. You're getting ideas, which is great. But if you don't have anybody walking alongside you to help you figure out how to pull all of that together and w- why it might work with one client and not another client, then that's not gonna be effective. It's like only getting half of what you need, and half isn't gonna do the job Um, so what does make the difference then? Um, if clinical confidence doesn't come from years logged and it comes from years reflecting on, and here's the key, with people who actually understand what you're doing and why you're doing it. There's a, there's a, um, concept in learning science called deliberate practice. And so at the core of this is that idea you don't get, you don't get better by doing the same thing over and over in isolation. You get be- better by doing the thing, getting feedback, adjusting, and doing it again. The feedback loop is everything. We see this in Play Therapy Academy and Elevation Circle,'cause both of those programs we have consultation meetings. And in those consultation meetings- Getting the feedback is what really actually moved the needle, and especially like in Play Therapy Academy when, when you're showing a video of a, of a session and we can see in real time what's going on, then the amount of feedback that you can get is phenomenal. Or if we're, if we're looking at a client photo or of a, of an art ac- uh, project or a sand tray, the ability for us to look at that collaboratively with all of our thinking and brilliant minds together and see a really fuller picture of what's going on, and we can use that information to adjust our case conceptualization, and then also figure out what would be helpful to do next. Because before you figure out , you gotta figure out what's going on and what's at the root of the behavior. We're not looking at the super- the superficial or external. We wanna go deep and look at what's going on internally. That's one of the reasons that, um, you know, we look for play therapy themes, 'cause we're looking at what children are communicating through their play to help us understand, on a s- psychologically, what is it that's going on internally and how are they using the play therapy process to sort through and make sense of and deal with whatever it is that's going on internally for them. And for play therapists, that ability to get that feedback and to use that information, get the feedback, apply it, adjust it, do it again, get the feedback, adjust it, that's, that feedback loop is where the confidence come from. But if you're the only play therapist in your In your building and you don't have others who get it to help you make sense of it and understand it and, and also give you feedback that you were spot on. So that second guessing may be part of the reason you're second guessing, 'cause you don't have anybody else around you to say, "No, you, you, you're spot on. I had that problem too, and here's what happened." And this, uh, this to me is the power of community. I see this all the time in my play therapy memberships. We, we talk through some challenging things that come up, figure out what's at the root of it, get some feedback, some varying ideas. Like you can get a whole handful of ideas in 20 minutes that could take you two hours to figure out on your own. Um, so the ones that are really overcoming that second guessing and imposter syndrome are the play therapists who are getting the support that they need. So somebody walking alongside of you who can hear you describe that play therapy session and say, "Here's what I noticed," or, "I had a client like that and here's what I did." That's what shifts things, and then you realize you're not the only one. And some of that shame and blame and self-doubt and kind of beating yourself up emotionally, that's draining and wears on you. We, we, we work with hard clients. We deal with and navigate very complex situations. The easy clients are easy. They're, they're, they're the ones you, you could probably get this done with on your own'cause they're pretty easy. But the likelihood you're gonna have a caseload full of easy clients is not very high, and trying to do that on your own and hold the weight of that on your own I think is what leads to that feeling of overwhelm and burnout and second guessing if you made the right decision with your career. Maybe you should've done something else. I remember years ago, this was years and years and years ago, I, I was trying to figure out… So I used to be a special education teacher. I always knew I wanted to help children. I al- since I was little, I was gonna save all the children of the world. And so I thought special education, teaching children with emotional problems was what I wanted to do. But it turns out that I found out about this play therapy thing and I liked that better, but I couldn't figure out where it was. So I was young, I was single. I went off down to Florida, got a job at a residential facility, and I was gonna save the world. Um, it wasn't the most well-run facility. Honestly, this is like 35 Maybe, yeah, oh, more than 35 years ago. It was not a well-run facility. I was so burned out, so crushed in spirit when I left there. I remember going to, uh, I, I did some career counseling and I, I remember I had to fill out all of these things and, um, uh, uh, all the items I got all excited about, there was, they were all the ones on, like, kids who were struggling, like, um, kids who were court-involved, you know, like delinquency or the struggling kids, and my heart would go, "Yes." But my head would go, "What is wrong with you? No, we are going into computers." 'Cause this was way back at the very beginning."Nope, you're gonna go into computers. You're not gonna work with anybody who has a problem. Even if they look like they might have a problem, no, you're gonna run and you're gonna leave skid marks going in the other direction. No." And I, I had this battle going on 'cause in my heart I've always wanted to help people. It's more than a job, it's a mission. And for those of you who are listening, I know you feel the same way because I talk to people all the time, and every single person I have ever talked to as a play therapist have always said, "This is a mission. This, I feel like it's a calling." And so I had this battle going on in my head. It was like, "Nope, nobody with a problem." If they even looked like they had a family member who might have a problem and they might wanna talk to me about it, nope, I was gonna leave skid marks running in the other direction. I was so burned out, um, because there was no support. It was heavy work that I had done. It was long hours. When I tell you I was crispy fried, I got home, 'cause I, it was in Florida and I was living in Virginia at the time, and I traveled back home. I I moved back in with my mom. I didn't have a job. I didn't have any income. I honestly slept for, like, three days. I was so, so burned out by the weight of the work and doing it by myself. And so I had that conversation with the person who was doing the career counseling with me, and that, that conversation shifted me. But I will never forget it, because what we talked about was you get support, you get consultation. You don't do it alone. Nobody can do this job alone. The key is getting the right kind of support. That's the key. Not just any old kind of support, support from people who get it, other play therapists who understand play therapy. And not, not just, I would say not just any old group. Like, uh, I think Facebook groups are awesome, but they don't move the needle. If you need more support, then you, you need access to somebody who's gonna meet with you and think it through with you, watch the videos with you, look at the photos with you, have you describe what's going on, think that through, go through, walk through that case conceptualization with you, help you figure out what is at the root of the problem, and then how do you g- create that shift? Now what are you gonna do? How are you gonna apply your model? That's the kind of support that I'm talking about. Free Facebook groups are not gonna cut it. Um, they can be useful, so I, I don't wanna downplay them. But if you're really looking to stop your second guessing and your self-doubt and feeling like an imposter syndrome, then only taking trainings or reading books or being in free Facebook group is, it- it's, it's not gonna, it's not gonna accomplish the goal. And again, trainings and books, all of those are important, but they're only half the solution. And the other half is getting in with a community of people who get it, who understand play therapy, but also can help you think clinically, develop those clinical decision-making skills, navigate that ethical decision-making process, managing high, um, complex cases. You need people who understand, and you need to be able to have access to them 'cause that's, that's what really makes the difference. Because here's what I don't want for you, is that I don't want you to spend the next three years quietly waiting for your confidence to get better, thinking that time and exper- play therapy experience is gonna be the only thing that moves the needle, because it, it doesn't. T- those things are good, and doing it in isolation is the missing part of the process because that's, that's what moves the needle. When you stop Accumulating isolated experience, doing it by yourself, and you start accumulating supported experience, everything accelerates. Your clinical thinking sharpens, your confidence in the playroom grows, your clients feel the difference, you feel the difference, and you stop waiting for that future version of yourself to show up, and you finally know that you're actually getting it done. You're becoming that play therapist who makes a difference in the lives of your clients. That's now you. I see that all the time in Play Therapy Academy, um, and we're starting to see it now. Elevation Circle is newer, and we don't meet as often. Um, I see that all the time, and I'll tell you just that's what keeps me doing this because I love seeing the growth. I love seeing people who come in to the membership and second-guess themself and feel like they're not a very good therapist, and you can see their confidence is struggling. And then over the course of being in a committed and dedicated group of play therapists who are striving for excellence, um, and also understanding the need for support to avoid burnout I see the confidence that grows, and now I see them giving feedback to other group members with confidence and, and understanding the clinical decision-making skills, all of those intact. And so it's not just me in there giving the feedback, it's the whole group together, and that kind of syner- synergetic energy of, of the collective brilliance of those in the meeting. In fact, we have a Play Therapy Academy meeting tonight. So I'm, I'm always looking forward to that. Uh, it's also a way to get support too when you're in a community of, uh, people that you feel safe with and you can be vulnerable with, and you can say, "Oh my gosh, I just had this happen in my life. I feel like the worst parent, and I show up for my clients, but then I messed up with my, my own kid," or, "I'm so tired because here's what I have going on personally." We all get it. We get that struggle to balance real life and being a therapist and having to show up the way that we need to show up. So when you have a, a, a space or, or people that you can go to to do that, it I'm telling you, it makes, makes a huge difference So that is it for today. If you found this information helpful, then I would love it if you would, if you're watching on YouTube, you can like and sc- subscribe to the channel to keep up with all of the new episodes that I post every week or know when I'm actually going live. Um, you can always watch the replays on YouTube as well. Make sure to hit, click that notification button. If you're watching on LinkedIn, I go live in LinkedIn every week as well, so make sure that you connect with me and follow so you get notified on LinkedIn. Um, in I, in my, in my Facebook group, you can, um, post in there. I put, uh, the replays are in there. I can't live stream into the Facebook group anymore. That's a meta thing. They changed it. Um, which is kind of annoying, but anyway, it is what it is. Or if you're wa- listening on the podcast, make sure that you, um, follow the podcast episodes so that you get notified every time. If you find the podcast episodes helpful and useful, I would love for you to leave a review. What's helpful, what's working, suggestions for topics. Feel free to comment, feel free to message me, feel free to reach out. If you're interested, I have, um, I have some openings in Play Therapy Academy. I have a few openings, so if you're into… P- Play Therapy Academy is where we do a deeper dive. We meet twice a month. There are courses in there. There's a group chat space. Play Therapy Academy is where we're doing s- like skill development, deep dives into skill building, um, within the context of a community. So you're gonna learn how to apply your play therapy model through every stage of play therapy. If you're interested in Play Therapy Academy, then schedule a 30-minute video call with me, and we'll see if it's a good fit. If it's not, it's not a big deal, then we would've had a chance to meet, and maybe Elevation Circle is a better fit. I started Elevation Circle because what I noticed was there were people that were looking for community and support, and they were tired of feeling isolated and alone. Um- As a play therapist and they needed a space where they could get some poor- support, feedback, ideas, resources from other people who get it, other play therapists. But they didn't necessarily need the, the s- the skill development focus from Play Therapy Academy, or maybe they weren't quite ready for it, but they knew they wanted support. So play th- that would be Play Therapy Elevation Circle. We meet once a month in there to do case consultation. Sometimes we do mini trainings. We also have a book club meeting, and I just started a new thing called Tuesday Tips, where I go live every week and give little, um, nugget-sized tips, like 15, 20 minutes, just bite-size 'cause we're all busy. Um, so if you're interested in Play Therapy Academy, schedule a 30-minute video call with me. Pop over to my website at rhplaytherapytraining.com. That's rhplaytherapytraining.com, Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training. Pop over to the Supervision page, and you'll see information about Elevation Circle and Play Therapy Academy. Um, if you're interested in Play Therapy Academy, then, then schedule a 30-minute video call with me. If you're not sure if Elevation Circle or Play Therapy Academy are a be- which one's a better fit, just schedule a video call with me, and we'll figure it out together. If you're interested in Play Therapy Elevation Circle, enrollment's not open yet. It's closed right now. It's gonna be opening up next month, so if you're interested, then you're gonna wanna get on the wait list so that you'll find out when we're opening. You'll get all the updates of when enrollment is gonna be open. It'll only be open for about a week. So if you're interested in Elevation Circle, then pop over to my website and go on the Supervision page and sign up for the wait list. We will also post links in the comments, um, on, in the Facebook group. We'll post them here, uh, um, on LinkedIn, on YouTube. If you're watching on Instagram, just pop over to my bio. You'll find the link in my bio. If you're listening on the podcast, then pop over to my website, and you'll find all of the information over there. So that is it for today, and I will see you next week. Bye for now. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Next Level Play Therapy. I hope you found the discussion valuable and gained new insights and ideas to support your work helping children, adolescents, and families heal. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. Your feedback helps to improve and reach more people who can benefit from this information. Remember, play therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth. Whether you're a new play therapist or experienced, I encourage you to continue your learning journey to unlock the potential of play in your own work and relationships. If you have any questions or topic suggestions for future episodes, I'd love to hear from you. Connect with me on social media and visit my website at Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training to stay updated on upcoming episodes, trainings, and resources. Thank you once again for listening to Next Level Play Therapy. Until next time, keep playing, learning, and growing.