The Dangerous Lie Every Isolated Play Therapist Believes

Do you ever feel like the only play therapist who hasn’t figured it out? You’re not alone—and that thought might be exactly what’s keeping you stuck.

In this week’s podcast episode, we’re exposing the "dangerous lie" of play therapy isolation. 

When you're the only kid therapist in your building, it's easy to look at social media "wins" and conclude that everyone else has it together while you're struggling. 

I’m here to tell you: that feeling isn’t a "you" problem; it’s a structural problem.

In this episode, we cover:

• The Isolated Play Therapist Belief: Why your brain concludes you’re failing when you don’t have a clinical reference point.
• Challenging Mistaken Beliefs: Why self-doubt and "late-night Googling" are actually nearly universal experiences for play therapists working in isolation.
• The Power of Community: How connecting with other play therapists (like in Play Therapy Elevation CIRCLE) provides immediate relief and clinical clarity.
• The Critical Mindset Shift: Moving from "I must be broken" to "I just need better support structure."

Stop white-knuckling your way through hard play therapy cases. Your clients need the supported, confident version of you. Let's talk about how to find her.

GET ON THE WAITLIST: Ready to step out of isolation? Join the waitlist for the Play Therapy Elevation CIRCLE, my online membership designed to ensure you never have to do this work alone: 🔗 https://www.rhplaytherapytraining.com/f/ptec-waitlist

JOIN THE CONVERSATION: Have you ever had a moment where you connected with another play therapist and felt that instant relief of "oh thank goodness, it's not just me"? Drop it in the comments below! 👇

Join my free Facebook Community Play and Expressive Arts Therapy Playground.

Check out my free resources for mental health professionals working with children, adolescents, and families who want to integrate play therapy and expressive arts into their clinical work.

I work with individuals and agencies to develop successful strategies and meet the treatment needs of your child and adolescent clients and their families using play therapy & expressive arts.

Contact me to schedule a free 30-minute video call if you're ready to level up your skills

Transcript

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Welcome to Next Level Play Therapy, a weekly podcast dedicated to supporting the next generation of child and adolescent therapists to provide exceptional play therapy services. We'll explore all things play therapy to elevate your work with children and adolescents using the therapeutic powers of play. I'll discuss practical tips and ideas so you can provide a transformative experience for your young clients and make a real difference in their lives. So get ready to take your play therapy skills to the next level and make a lasting impact in the lives of children, adolescents, and families. Hey there. Welcome to this week's episode of Next Level Play Therapist. And today we're gonna talk about something that I've been talking about it over the last couple of weeks, and I wanna talk about it in a little more depth today. It's something that I notice in the play therapy community. I'm assuming this is probably also true in the art therapy space, the music therapy space, the creative arts therapy p- space That happens a lot, and we don't really talk about it, which is why I think it's important that we talk about it, because it significantly impacts the quality of the work that you do. And I see this over, and over, and over, and over, and there's this lie that we believe when we're isolated that impacts our confidence. It impacts the way we show up, especially when we are dreading those phone calls with parents, and feeling like we're frauds, and at any moment now, parents are gonna figure out that you're a fraud, and pull their child from play therapy, which will mean you failed, and it's all your fault. And the downward spiral goes on, and on, and on. I hear this so often, and I think because it's something that taps into our insecurities, we don't tend to talk about it a lot. In Play Therapy Academy and Play Therapy Elevation Circle, we do talk about it, because if we don't address it, it doesn't change. And- It grows when you're isolated, when you're the only kid therapist in your agency or private practice, and everyone else that you're working with works with adults, or maybe they're working with teenagers, and they're using an adult psychotherapy model approach even with their chi- their adolescent clients. And so they don't really get it. So even though they might be really supportive and have some great ideas, when it comes to play therapy, they don't get it, and the advice that you get is not very helpful. And then what happens is, I think now with social media, we look on social media, and it looks like everybody's doing great except for you, so that must be proof that you're not a very good play therapist. And so in this episode of Next Level Play Therapy, I wanna cover this, the, the lie that we believe when we're isolated and also the mistaken beliefs that come along with that. And to me, the antidote is community. I, I have seen this over and over and over and over in Play Therapy Academy and now at my, my new-ish, new-ish community that I'm gonna talk a little bit about at the end because enrollment is opening up at the end of August. So open enrollment is coming up for Play Therapy Elevation Circle. S- so I'm gonna talk about that a little bit at the end. And one of the reasons that I decided to actually kinda just primarily focus on offering these communities rather than doing some of the trainings that I've been doing, which I'll probably do inside of these communities, is that I noticed that there's a lot of isolation that is not getting better, to be honest. I've been, I've been in the child and adolescent field almost 35 years, and it's still a problem. It's not as much of a problem as when I started back in the early 1990s because back then we didn't ha- we didn't have the internet. I remember one time, this is kind of down a rabbit hole a little bit, but, um, I remember one time I had a client, this is, this is back in the early 1990s, and I had this, um, young adult client, I guess pr- well, probably late, late 20s, I guess Early thir-, I think he's late 20s. Anyways, family-owned business and he was super excited about this internet thing, and h- this was probably, this is the early 1990s. So, so excited about this internet thing because it was the wave of what you needed to do if you had a business. I remember thinking, 'cause I was probably about the same age, um, "Internet? What the heck is an i- internet?" Because we didn't even have email where, when I got started. Um, and nobody had computers at home. That was a rare, rare thing to have a computer at home. And nowadays, I mean, we carry around a little mini computer on our phone, and we have social media now and all of these things, and now we look on social media and it looks like everybody else is getting it and therefore I'm not, so therefore I must not be a very good play therapist, and that is a lie born out of isolation, and I think it's time we start addressing that, which is one of the main reasons I decided just to focus on the communities because what I find is just that power of connecting in a safe space where we get strategic. Like, we, we have things to get accomplished in our short time so, so we're focused, we're doing our case conceptualization, but we're also supporting each other and getting other ideas and other perspectives. And when I see that happening in these communities, it, every single time, it never gets old for me, seeing confidence come back or shame melt away, um, and fresh ideas and feeling supported and feeling rejuvenated to go back in and do the work. That, it, that never gets old, and I don't, I don't think we're really talking about it enough because play therapy is kind of a niche, um, community within the mental health space. Most of the mental health focus is on adults And so specializing in working with children is, is not very prevalent, and a lot of times what I hear is you're the only play therapist in your office, or maybe you're in private practice. Maybe you worked at a agency for years and years and then went out into private practice, and now you're alone. That happens so often, and the problem is that the quality of your services begins to be impacted in a negative way. So to me, that's why this whole idea of isolation and those belief systems get for- that get formed when you're working in isolation need to be addressed because they are showing up in the quality of the work that you're doing. And it's not, it's not about you being a bad play therapist because I see it all the time. I see very caring, very committed play therapists showing up, and the problem is they're isolated, so it takes a hit on their belief systems in a negative way, which then- Negatively impacts the way that you're showing up with your clients in the sessions with parents. So if that hit home for you, if you feel like you are the only kid therapist in your office, and you feel like you don't really have access to support, and you have been just powering through to get it done, then this episode is for you. And it's time that we kind of start talking about some of those things. So today's episode is titled The Dangerous Lie Every Isolated Play Therapist Believes. And what I, what I think we need to talk a little bit about, what are some of those isolated belief systems? What are those isolated beliefs that you are having? And, um, some of those beliefs that I hear on a regular basis are… I'll be honest, sometimes I struggle with these when I'm l- scrolling through social media, and then I have to remind myself, "Oh, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. Stop scrolling and check, check the facts. What's going on here?" So I, I don't think this is universal to just new therapists. I think this is universal to everybody. And so the, the thoughts that we have are, "Everybody else is doing a good job. Look how well they're doing," or, "Look, this play therapist seems to have this awesome playroom. Look at mine, it's not that great." Or, you know,"They seem to understand. They explain that so well. It must m- mean that they're a better play therapist than me, and I don't know what I'm talking about. And so that, that must mean I'm a terrible play therapist." And because you're isolated, that conclusion feels real, but it's built on incomplete information, and it's costing you your confidence, and that's gonna impact the way you show up in your playroom So oops, I forgot to, I forgot to do my spiel, so I'm gonna take a minute here. Um, so for those of you watching live, I'm so glad that you're here. I would love to know who's here if you're watching live, so feel free to post in the comments, share where you work, what population that you work with. Um, are you the only play therapist in your, in your building? Do, do you have… What do you do in terms of getting support for ideas and resources? And what do you do when you're stuck? Who do you go to? What do you do? So post in the comments if you're watching live. On the replay, I would still love to know that conversat- uh, know that information and have you join the conversation by w- if you're watching the replay, and for those of you who are listening to the podcast episode, I would love to hear from you as well. Please leave a review. You can leave a review in Apple Podcasts or Spotify. One, that gives me feedback and helps me, um, know if these topics are a- are helpful, but also it kinda helps other people see the episodes as well. So if you would leave a comment, that would be awesome. And if you're on p- on the podcast, also feel free to pop over and follow me on Instagram@renewingheartstraining. Send me a message, post on… I always post the podcast episodes on my YouTube channel and LinkedIn. So feel free to join the conversation with those. And if you're watching on YouTube, please feel free to, um, share this episode. Also, if… Subscribe to my channel, Cathi Spooner Renewing Hearts, and, um, click that notification so you get notified when there's new things going on and- And that covers everything for my little spiel there. All right. So I'm still kinda recovering from a cold. My brain is a little bit, uh, wobbly today. It's a little better than it was yesterday. My family and I went to Alaska last week, which was awesome. We had a great time connecting. It rained every single day. Not just a little bit of rain, but, like, a lot of rain, but we had a great time. The flight home, not so much. Ended up getting stuck in an airport, sleeping there, and then I caught a cold, so I'm still recovering from that, and I have no desire to tr- travel again, but I do love hanging out with my husband and my kids and my family, so that was awesome. Um, so if you notice a little, I still feel kind of fuzzy in my head, so I feel a little stuffy, so I might… My voice might sound a little funny too, but my, my brain is a little wonky today. So full disclosure, we're getting it done. All righty, so the, the other thing, uh, that we wanna talk about today are those mistaken beliefs because we want to challenge those mistaken beliefs. So let me ask you something. If it was true that this was a you problem, that you are the only play therapist struggling, if this was actually a you problem and not what we'll call a structural problem, then you would probably be a statistical anomaly, an outlier, um, the rare exception in the field. And here's what I know. Here's a little… If we're using a little DBT language, we're gonna check the facts right now. Here's what I know from years and years and years of experience, from going on 20 years of supervising and consulting- Is that, um, what happens when you think it's a you problem, then your self-doubt increases. You start second guessing all your clinical decisions, you're dreading those parent phone calls, and you're searching, doing that late night Googling to find the perfect activity that's gonna fix this problem. And you have that quiet fear that you're not really helping your clients. Um, and so that begins to grow and grow. And the problem is, here's where I'm gonna challenge, here's where we're checking the facts a little bit here. The problem i- is that was a you problem, and you were the only one experiencing those, then I would not be hearing on a regular basis, and when I get on, when I, when I get in calls with people to see if Play Therapy Academy is a good fit or maybe now e- let's see if Elevation Circle is a better fit than Play Therapy Academy, I wouldn't be hearing this over and over and over from everybody I get on a phone call with. And this comes up in Play Therapy Academy. This comes up in Play Therapy Elevation Circle. These are things that are pretty much universal for every play therapist who's working in isolation. So it's not, it's not a you problem, it's a, let's call it a structural problem. It's a problem that other people typically are experiencing, but because you're in isolation and you don't have anybody to tell you any differently, you think it must be you, when in fact it has more to do with the fact that you're isolated. You don't have anybody to go to that's gonna challenge that and point out that you aren't the only one. So let's think about what happens when people do find their play therapy community. When you do get in a room or on a Zoom call with other play therapists, whether it's a peer consultation meeting, or if you've been in a conference or you've been in a training and you get in your small group discussions, um, or, or even w- this comes up in, in our, in our consultation calls all the time. What's the first thing that happens every single time? When somebody says, "I've been feeling this way," or, "You guys, I just was on this phone call and this is what happened with a parent and it was really awful, and, uh, you know, I feel like I, I did everything wrong." And you can just see on their face just the guilt and the feeling like they failed their clients, and I must be a bad ther- play therapist. You can see it on their face, you can hear it in their voice. But what happens is when somebody else says, "Oh, I had that happen too." Or when you have somebody to say, "Oh, no, that happened to me too. Here's what I did." Or people say, "Oh my gosh, that is awful. You're right, that, that's horrible. How do you feel?" Like, no, we know you. We know you're a good play therapist 'cause we've talked with you and we've worked with you and we've heard your feedback and it's been awesome, right? We hear those things when we're in a community of other like-minded play therapists who share our values to do a good job and to get at the root of the problem to figure out what's really going on, and we're not focusing on just the superficial, uh, what play therapy activity can I use? We're gonna get there, but we're gonna go deep first before we get there. And so what you see is immediate relief and that feeling of, oh my gosh, I feel that way too, or I thought it was just me, and that happens every single time. I'm telling you, every single time. So it can't be a you problem because if it were a you problem, you'd be the only one. You'd be the outlier, and the reality is you're not the outlier. Um, it just means that you are isolated, and you don't have anyone to get a different perspective from or anyone to say, "Oh yeah, that happens to me too." So that, that it's just me feeling survives because you don't have other play therapists around to let you know that you're not the only one. And then when you find out you're not the only one, then all of that kind of dissolves and goes away because now you have new evidence that shows you you are not the only one. And then when you have that mindset shift- Um, when you have that mindset shift of, "I'm not the only one struggling. I'm isolated," those are two completely different things. The it's a me problem and I must be a bad therapist to oh my gosh- I'm isolated and that's why I'm feeling this way," those are two completely different problems with two completely different solutions. The you problem requires that you become somebody different, that somehow you have to grow into another version of yourself that doesn't doubt or struggle, and to be honest, that's exhausting. And I, I don't even think that's helpful. I mean, if part of being a play therapist, and I would say a therapist in general, is authentically showing up professionally, right? We're still gonna be professional, and relationship is about authenticity because to build trust you have to have authenticity. You have to be who you are, the profess- professional version of who you are. Like, you're not gonna show up like you're hanging out with your girlfriends or your, you know, your buds or you're not gonna show up like you're hanging out, you're, you know, like in mom mode or dad mode. You're gonna show up in professional play therapist mode. But, but this is a, this is a profession that's relational. We need to connect relationally, so we need to show up authentically, and if you think there's something wrong with you and that you have to somehow be a different version of you professionally, how are you gonna show up authentically in that? That doesn't even work. I remember thinking years ago, so a few decades ago, when I, I, I started out, you know, like most people, I started out my career fresh out of graduate school in a community-based agency, and they had lots of rules and I was, you know, working really hard on being this professional version of myself. And we had… You know, when you work for government agencies, there's 9,000 rules about everything, um, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I get it, but on the other hand, it can feel a little stifling sometimes when you're brand spanking new. And I remember thinking when I decided I was gonna go in, I got licensed and I decided I was gonna go into private practice, I had this little chat with myself and I said my… This, this was the version of my chat that I had with myself. I like having fun, and I can be a little bit goofy and nerdy. And I have to be able to professionally be that version of myself. Because if I leave that part of me out and I just show up as this professional robot, that's not gonna work. I'm gonna burn out, I'm gonna hate my job, I'm gonna hate doing this, and I'm gonna stop. And I felt like this was a calling on my life, that this is the purpose that I was called to do, help children heal. And so to do that, I had to show up authentically in a professional way. So if you can't show up with authenticity, then because you think there's a part of you that's wrong and you're not doing it right, then it's gonna impact your ability to do that. So the mindset shift that needs to happen is n- it's not a you problem, that you have to grow into do- being this different version of yourself that doesn't ever doubt or struggle, then You're gonna struggle. You are. It, it, this is not a job that we can do alone very well. We ha- these are hard things that we deal with every single day, client after client after client, documentation after documentation, phone call after phone call. It's a lot of work. It takes its heavy emotional toll, and having others to walk alongside you to give you support is, to me, that's the key. Training is important. Don't get me wrong about that, and we, we do little mini trainings. We're gonna do roundtable discussions. We do all of those things in Elevation Circle, and even in Play Therapy Academy, um, I have training courses in Play Therapy Academy. And Play Therapy Academy people come to all the Elevation Circle things. So we do trainings. Training's important. What I wanna highlight is that training doesn't get it all done because it doesn't show you or give you support so to help you know how to apply what you've learned in every stage of play therapy with every unique client and family system on your caseload. That, that requires a community of support to help you master that throughout the, uh, throughout the process and also give you support along the way 'cause it's a l- it's heavy stuff. So the, the, the first thing that happens when you stop practicing or you start working, you stop working in isolation and you get into a community The first thing that changes, it, it isn't even immediate confidence that comes right away. The first thing that has to change is the story that you're telling yourself that you must be broken or somehow you're a terrible play therapist because you've, you've decided all of these things are true. Um, and you start thinking, oh, this is what it's like to work with support. I see that all the time in, in my communities, Play Therapy Academy and Elevation Circle. When you- when we start s- talking about these cases, we start breaking them down, we start doing that case conceptualization, we start sharing ideas and different perspectives and different strategies, you can see the, um, the imposter sys- syndrome melt away. You can see the relief in their faces and their voices. You can, you can feel the rejuvenation come back. And then over time, I… What I see in the beginning with especially Play Therapy Academy, um, play therapists who are not feeling very confident, and then, uh, uh, usually people stay at least two or three years, uh, because a lot of times we're working on that RPT credential. But the other part of it is that we, we have an awesome support in Play Therapy Academy and also Elevation Circle, have some great support in there, and you can, you can see what a difference it makes confidence. And I start hearing the feedback that's given, and it's amazing. So that mindset shift from, it must be me, it's a me problem, I'm broken, some- I'm a terrible play therapist, to, oh, I, I need my support. When it … And I even have people in Play Therapy Academy just saying, "Oh my gosh, I live for our Wednesday meetings because I… This is where I get fueled back up." Um, so we see this. And when that happens, when you start realizing that- support and difference that it makes, and you start experiencing that shift to, "Oh, yeah, I just need some support. Let me go to my group and get some help," or, "Let me go to my, let me go to my support person." But way, way back in the day when, when we didn't, when there weren't very many play therapists where I was at the time back in Virginia, I connected with a friend and we… Because we were the only play therapists around for miles, uh, probably in the whole entire county, I think we were the only play therapists of, like, 450,000 people. And so we connected and, and it, that support with each other made such a huge difference. I think that's one of the reasons why I feel so strongly about being connected and being in community, and this, this idea of being isolated and the impact that it has. And, um, and that's the cost of not changing is when you think it's just you and you're not reaching out for help, then if you're multitasking or doing something else, I want you to pay attention to this If, if you have that belief, it's just me, and you don't reach out for support, as long as you believe that you're the only one struggling, then you're not gonna reach out for support. You're not gonna get help. You're gonna continue white-knuckling it and pushing it through. But the moment you step into community, and the moment somebody else says, "Yeah, that happened to me, too," the moment you realize you don't have to do it alone, you can get support. Your confidence grows. You get more skills and tools in your toolbox. You have all kinds of contingency ideas in your mind 'cause we would have staffed it, and you would have gotten a bunch of ideas. Or if you meet with your friend and, you know, you talk it through, then you have other ideas. That's what happens when you don't do it alone. And you don't have to figure it alone. The first and foremost, if you're thinking it's a you problem, then if you get nothing else from this episode today, I want you to start challenging that. I want you to start thinking about who, who do I have that I go to? And th- don't get me wrong, Facebook groups are good, um, little online discussion boards, those can be helpful, but there's, there's something to be said when you get into a room or a Zoom room with others and you are staffing your case and we are talking about your case and you can get some real-time help with that. There, there's something to be said for that, getting that real-time feedback and support. And so if you have been struggling and you have been alone, then this is your nudge to find your people. Find your like-minded people who share your values, who want to do that deeper level work to get to the root of what's bothering your client and help fix it so that you don't have to do it alone, and then that changes everything for the way in which you show up and the quality of the services that you're providing to your client. So that's your pep talk for the day. If you, um- All righty. So sorry, I was just checking my little notes here. So that, that is it for today If you're interested in, um, joining one of the memberships, Play Therapy Elevation Circle, it- registration is opening up soon. So I would encourage you to get on the wait list so you find out when it's opening up. Play Therapy Elevation Circle, we do monthly consultation calls. We have a monthly book club. Like this year, I'm- not this year, in August we, we finished up our book, Being a Brain-Wise Therapist by Bonnie Badnock, and this, in August we're gonna read an article, The Symbolism of Play Behavior in Child-Centred Play Therapy. It's a dissertation, um, that… Because what, what are play therapists always, what are we always learning, right? We're always talking about play themes, and I think the best way to get a handle on play themes is with other play therapists, and we're kinda talking about them and, and seeing what's going on with that particular play, play therapy session or play behavior. So, um, this month we're reading that article, and then we're discussing it and talking about play therapy themes. We're, um, we al- I do a Tuesday Tips in there, just quick wins, things that you can use right away because everybody's kind of stressed for time. So we have discussions, we have group chats. I, I'm gonna be starting in the fall a round table discussion, so we'll have a panel of play therapists with different perspectives on specific topics like high-conflict divorce, or what do you do to identify play themes, or working with, um, neurodiverse. So different topics and having discussions about those so that we get the information and knowledge, but we're ha- we're doing it together, and we're thinking about how we can apply these things. So if you're interested in Play Therapy Elevation Circle, then get on the wait list 'cause enrollment is opening next month. If you wanna take a deeper dive and you are ready to begin building those foundational skills, learning a play therapy theory, applying it to all the models, feeling more confident, kicking that imposter syndrome to the curb 'cause you really wanna take a deeper dive into skill building, then schedule a 30-minute video call with me and we'll see if Play Therapy Academy is a good fit for you. That one's very limited. Play Therapy Academy will also help you, um, it's designed to help you w- work towards your RPT credential. Not everybody in there is pursuing their RPT credential. They just really, really, really want to have a very strong foundation. using play therapy. Um, so if you're interested in Play Therapy Academy, then schedule a 30-minute video call with me and we will see if it's a good fit. Maybe you think… And if Elevation Circle is a better fit, then we'll, we'll figure that out together. And if neither of them are a good fit, then we've had a chance to meet and chat, and, um, and that's good too. So if you're interested in Play Therapy Academy, then schedule that 30-minute video call with me. If you're not sure which one's a better fit, schedule that 30-minute video call with me. We'll figure it out. Get on the wait list for Elevation Circle, and I will see you next week. Oh, I forgot to tell you where to go. Go over to my website also. We're gonna post the links in the comments. Um, if you're watching on YouTube or you're watching on, uh, Instagram or you're listening to the podcast, then hop over to my website at rhplaytherapytraining.com. That's rhplaytherapytraining.com, Renewing Hearts Play Therapy training dot com. Click on the Supervision page and you'll see all the information. And I will see you next week. Bye for now. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Next Level Play Therapy. I hope you found the discussion valuable and gained new insights and ideas to support your work helping children, adolescents, and families heal. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. Your feedback helps to improve and reach more people who can benefit from this information. Remember, play therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth. Whether you're a new play therapist or experienced, I encourage you to continue your learning journey to unlock the potential of play in your own work and relationships. If you have any questions or topic suggestions for future episodes, I'd love to hear from you. Connect with me on social media and visit my website at Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training to stay updated on upcoming episodes, trainings, and resources. Thank you once again for listening to Next Level Play Therapy. Until next time, keep playing, learning, and growing.