The Laura Dowling Experience
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The Laura Dowling Experience
Rock Bottom to Redemption with Niall Harbison
"What if your darkest moment became the catalyst for your greatest transformation?"
This question lies at the heart of my profound conversation with Niall Harbison, whose remarkable journey from corporate success to rock-bottom alcoholism to purposeful revival might just change your perspective on what truly matters in life.
Niall's story begins as a private chef for billionaires aboard luxury yachts, where million-dollar fuel bills and private jets delivering Italian cheese were commonplace. He witnessed firsthand the hollow nature of extreme wealth before returning to Dublin to build his own successful businesses. Yet beneath this veneer of achievement lurked depression, anxiety, and a growing dependence on alcohol.
When COVID struck, Niall's life spiraled into a six-week bender in Thailand that nearly killed him. Lying in a hospital bed, certain he was dying, he experienced a revelation that would transform everything: the corporate success, social media followers, and material possessions he'd chased meant absolutely nothing. What flashed through his mind instead were simple moments of childhood joy and connection.
That rock-bottom moment became what Niall now calls "the best thing in my life." Upon recovery, he discovered purpose in rescuing Thailand's street dogs. What began as feeding a few hungry canines has expanded into a charity that feeds 1,200 dogs daily, performs thousands of sterilizations monthly, and has built a hospital named after Tina, a special rescue who lived just six months in freedom after a lifetime of abuse.
Niall's transformation at age 41 stands as powerful testament that it's never too late to reinvent yourself. His advice resonates with brutal honesty: "Follow your own path. Take risks. You don't have to do the life that's mapped out for you."
Whether you're questioning your purpose or just need a reminder of what truly matters, this conversation might be exactly what you need to hear. Subscribe now and join the thousands finding inspiration in these authentic human stories of transformation.
Thanks for listening! You can watch the full episode on YouTube here. Don’t forget to follow The Laura Dowling Experience podcast on Instagram @lauradowlingexperience for updates and more information. You can also follow our host, Laura Dowling, @fabulouspharmacist for more insights and tips. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review—it really helps us out! Stay tuned for more great conversations.
So I went on the mother of all benders that lasted for about six weeks. I was drinking three bottles of wine a day, four or five Valiums, six beers and a bottle of whiskey, and I know that's Jesus. I think it was a breakdown, actually, like I was just sitting there some days having my lunch and like tears would start rolling down my eyes. It was like the end of the end.
Speaker 2:Then how did this new life of yours come about?
Speaker 1:I just said to my friend I need to go to hospital and they took me in and I was in there for three, four days and I was like, just die, please just die. If I close my eyes, it'll just go away. And then eventually, after one or two days, I was kind of like, just give me a chance and I'll change everything. It was the best thing in my life. That was rock, rock, rock bottom and I had to hit that.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the Lower Down Experience podcast, where each week, I bring you insightful and inspiring guests that will open your mind and empower your life. And inspiring guests that will open your mind and empower your life. Today on the podcast, I'm joined by the incredible Niall Harbison. I'm sure many of you know that name. Niall is the founder of Go Zesty Love in Dublin and Happy Doggo, which is the inspiring charity based in Thailand dedicated to rescuing and protecting street dogs. In this conversation we really have an amazing chat about Niall and his journey through alcoholism and into recovery, and he shares how stepping away from alcohol, the corporate world and the pursuit of material success has allowed him to find a deeper sense of happiness and purpose. This is a really powerful and uplifting chat about transformation, compassion and what it really means to live a fulfilled life, and I'm sure many of you will come away from this chat maybe just wanting to change something or do something a little bit differently about your own lives. Before we get into today's episode, I would love to ask you for a little favour. If you like this podcast and I know so many of you do you could really help me out by giving it a nice rating, sharing it with your friends and subscribing to the podcast. It may not seem like a big deal, but actually this really helps to keep the podcast high up in the charts, and that means that I can keep bringing you brilliant guests who are insightful, inspiring and full of wisdom that we can all learn from. Thanks a million. Now let's get to it.
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Speaker 1:Thanks very much for having me. What a setup.
Speaker 2:It is wonderful to have you over. How long are you in Ireland for?
Speaker 1:I'm only here till tonight. I could fly home today. I'm only here for two days. I'm sort of lost on time, but I think about home today. I'm only here for two days. I'm sort of lost on time, but I think about 70 hours.
Speaker 2:Okay, and where's home for you?
Speaker 1:That's kind of a hard question, because I grew up in Belgium. My parents are from the north, like your own, and so they moved to Belgium and then I spent a lot of my time here in Dublin and now I live in Thailand. So it's I actually don't know the answer to that question. It's the hardest question I've ever. I can never answer it.
Speaker 2:I don't know Thailand at the moment, which it feels like home and do you speak Thai?
Speaker 1:I'm learning it and it's no is the answer. But enough to sort of bluff my way through and order lunch and sort of yeah, it's a very, very hard language, very hard.
Speaker 2:Is it? Yeah, yeah, it's a very, very hard language.
Speaker 1:Very hard language Is it? Yeah, yeah, it's like so hard and you can't. I speak French and Dutch because I grew up in Belgium. Yeah, and you could pick them up. The European language you could sort of pick up listening to. But Thai you have to sit down and learn it and get an alphabet and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, okay, not not yet, and Not yet. And do they have enough English for English speakers to get by over there?
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're very good because it's such a sort of touristy country that they're well set up for that. Yeah, you don't need much time.
Speaker 2:The last time I was in Thailand. I've only been in Thailand once, but it was the best holiday I've ever had. I was 20 and it was the first time I was like a way away from my parents and I went for six weeks with my now husband, but we had the best time.
Speaker 1:It is brilliant, it's brilliant, brilliant and there's a lot of sort of pre. You know, even I was saying to somebody there an older man, the taxi driver and I said I live in Thailand, and he's sort of looking at you going like what are you living in Thailand? It's a bit.
Speaker 2:there's a lot of preconceived notions of what it might be like oh yeah, of ladyboys and of people going around, and there definitely is that.
Speaker 1:A hundred percent.
Speaker 1:Even my own mum was like sort of like there's something you're not telling us yeah, absolutely, and she was sort of during COVID, so she hadn't, she couldn't come out and I'd been there three about what are you doing there? Are you a thai woman or you know like. And then she came out for month's holiday with her sister and she fell in love. She, she just it was the opposite of what she expected. You know like, it's really the food's amazing, it's cheap and of course, there's that side of things if that's what you're into, but there's also like, I love it because it's a healthy lifestyle. Where I live is all the retreats. There's like yoga retreats and CrossFit and all that sort of. There's like a. The town where I live is all fitness retreats and stuff like that and do you do all that I do yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, not yoga, I get a bit bored doing yoga. But the other ones yeah. I try and do as much so it's just the healthy living is the reason, but you could have the mad lifestyle if you wanted as well.
Speaker 2:As you could here probably you could. Yeah, probably a bit more expensive though to have that hedonistic lifestyle here. Niall, I have you in because obviously you are promoting your new book, which is wonderful. What's your new book? Called Tina? Tina and that's after one of your dogs isn't it?
Speaker 1:Yes, one of the dogs. That was just an amazing dog. We've built a hospital and everything in her name, so I spent the last sort sort of 18 months writing that. But it's just. It's nice to come back to Ireland in general to hear some familiar accents.
Speaker 2:Can we talk about how you went to Thailand in the first place and how you ended up there and why?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because you've got a bit of a, you've very coloured life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's true, that's true.
Speaker 2:So should we maybe go back to?
Speaker 1:the start rather than starting in the middle couple for like 10 years and I was fine, I enjoyed it, and then I went off to be a private chef working for rich people around the world. But what?
Speaker 2:was that like?
Speaker 1:that was unbelievably eye-opening. Like I worked for really, really rich people like Paul Allen, who founded Microsoft and he was worth, I think, 50 billion. So it's like the richest people in the world and it's you think you might understand wealth. You know, like you drive through Ball bridge or wherever your rich areas and you see flashy cars or nice hotels, whatever.
Speaker 2:Like you've no idea what the inside world that those guys have is can you give us a taste of what that's like, or is it just that it's?
Speaker 1:I was on the yachts. So I mean even to to fill the yacht up with diesel it's a million dollars just to put the, the fuel in it to make it go. So like that's a sort of that's just, it's so big, like that's. Even when I would order the food for them, people would be like what would they eat? You just have to order everything. So I would order the food would be he'd be coming on board for can film festival, let's say the food bill would be 150 grand. You just sort of order the best fish you know, sushi from Japan, the best cheeses from Italy. He might eat a plate of pasta and then leave.
Speaker 2:And what do you do with all the excess Staff?
Speaker 1:staff would eat it. You'd have it for the next month.
Speaker 2:Okay, so it wouldn't go to waste?
Speaker 1:No, it's not going to waste. But it's just like I remember being in the Caribbean and we flew in burrata from Italy. So you've a jet flying across the world with cheese for one person.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:Money is just so irrelevant to those. They are mostly guys that I worked for.
Speaker 2:Are they nice people or?
Speaker 1:They are like most of them, genuinely. I mean, look, you don't probably get that much money by being. You probably have to be ruthless at some stage, but they were nice. What maybe wasn't nice is some of the like hangers on and the people around them not always nice to ensure they get what they want. But the people that were like, I mean, they've got everything at their fingertips, so they're usually quite nice. The people themselves.
Speaker 2:And did you feel under pressure to cook really really good food? Like, were you ever scared that they may? They may throw the plate across the yacht, actually that they may throw the plate across the yacht.
Speaker 1:Actually, no, it's actually the opposite. I think I did well, because I understood that they actually can have whatever they want and they always would go to Michelin star restaurants. They have the best of the best of the best, so I would make them things like shepherd's pie and really wholesome food.
Speaker 2:Like an Irish carving Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Something like that, or like if they're American mac and cheese or they're used to getting like whole lobsters and big creamy sauces or whatever. So I like I'd actually go the other way and make them really wholesome stuff and I think that they like that.
Speaker 2:Bob, and where did you learn your chefing?
Speaker 1:In Cahabrew Street, which is in Dublin City Centre. Here, yeah, for two years. Did you enjoy that? I did, but I didn't. College, for cooking is a bit of a waste of time, to be honest, because you're you've got a whole day to like make four bowls of soup or something like they're trying to teach you, like that, whereas if you get into a kitchen I went to work for a guy called Conrad Gallagher and like a mental kitchen, there's like 30 chefs in there and they're screaming you learn much more hands-on cooking than you would ever in college. So college was I probably wouldn't do it again if I had the, if I had the choice.
Speaker 2:Chefing is a stressful environment, though I I worked in restaurants my whole life Well, not my whole life when I was 16 up through to when I was qualified, and but I was on the other side.
Speaker 1:I was like the waitress, but I remember the chefs. They'd be raging at each other and raging at you Unnecessarily so. Like I was always quite polite with the waitress, like I think it's some sort of power trip or ego that the chefs I don't know why, but they'd be screaming at the waitresses. It was like nearly a competition to see how they could belittle them or scream at them Like it's much better working together with them.
Speaker 1:But yeah, it's. It is stressful in there because like you've got heat, you've got like pressure, 50 meals to cook at the same time you have knives and hot pot, like it's a stressful, stressful environment. But I think I don't know if it's changed now I haven't been in kitchens recently. Hopefully it has because it was really really toxic masculinity, toxic work, just really not a good workplace for people. Growing up it was quite hard physically. You're on your feet for 14 hours a day and then there's a big drinking culture as well.
Speaker 2:I know, yeah, Sitting up at a bar drinking out.
Speaker 1:Because you're so stressed, you sort of have a few pints to wind. It's very, very hopefully it's changed Maybe it hasn't, but I don't know. It would be nice if it's changed from back then.
Speaker 2:I remember one time so it was when I was studying pharmacy one of the chefs this is how naive I was, you know. He was making the dinners and he came out to hand me them and I said you have a bit of flour around your nose. And the running joke was Laura's studying pharmacy. She's no clue, is that like? Oh?
Speaker 1:yeah, a bit of flour.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's all the coke.
Speaker 1:I don't think there was drugs, Well there wasn't drugs in my day, from what I remember, but there was drinking.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It was like you do split shifts, so you'd have to do lunch and then you'd get three hours off and you'd be back for dinner and all the chefs would go for pints in the afternoon, like three, four pints. I actually could never do that because I just couldn't. Like I used I was an alcoholic after it, but I couldn't drink three or four pints and then work like I just physically couldn't. So but they had all the big sort of burly men would be in having their pints and then they'd come back and then they'd be grumpy after they're probably having to come down after their pints and they'd take it out on people. Yeah, really, really, I didn't. Didn't love it, to be honest.
Speaker 2:But you learned your trade there, really did you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but then I went off, because when you're a private chef you're sort of on your own. You have to. You have a small kitchen and you maybe have to travel. I traveled a lot with the main person I was cooking for, so you're relying on yourself, which I liked you could you. Just you had to nearly do the shopping yourself, the cooking, the cleaning of everything.
Speaker 2:So it's a one-man sort of band okay which is I preferred that and then what happened then when you gave up the super yachts?
Speaker 1:I came back to Dublin then and started because it's amazing and you get really well paid on the yachts and the lifestyle's unbelievable because you're in the most amazing places and but it's kind of a young person's get, you know, you're always on the move. So I came back, I wanted to just sort of settle down really in dublin and started a business here and yeah, so the next 10 years was in dublin, all of it doing businesses, and I, like I started got into online marketing. I think I taught myself online marketing on the boats because I had loads of spare time and it was the start of Facebook and Twitter and YouTube, so it was quite early in those days. So I started started doing businesses with that.
Speaker 2:And you set up Love in Dublin, didn't you?
Speaker 1:I did. Yeah, I did one before that, simply Zesty, which was an online marketing agency which was sold to UTV, and then after that I did Love in Dublin. Yeah, so that was. It just feels like a lifetime ago now, yeah.
Speaker 2:And did you enjoy it at the time? Did you enjoy doing all that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah yeah, like definitely enjoyed it. Like now I look back on it and I'm like much happier at what I do now, but at the time, yeah, I loved it Like as young you're in a city, you're like loving Dublin was all restaurant openings and events and yeah, it's like enjoyable at that time. But then it becomes stressful when you're running a business as well, as anybody knows.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. And then how did it all change then? What made you go from the corporate world? Because we were just talking before we sat down and I said would you miss it at all? You're like, absolutely not, but you went from the corporate world and you're now rescuing dogs in Thailand. I don't think you get two more polarizing jobs or lifestyles.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I sold the business and left and I wanted to like I always struggled with the drink and depression and anxiety in in general in my whole life. And then how come? Probably from like childhood traumas and just like I was an alcoholic, I think a lot of it came from lifestyle and depression. I've like really struggled with the cold, dark winters in Ireland.
Speaker 2:It was sad almost yeah, yeah, like definitely yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't think I ever got diagnosed with that, but I mean, for me it was as clear as day, like as soon as the dark nights came in. And then I found here as well, there's very little to do, not little to do, but like if you're, if you're prone to drinking, it's very easy to just be like what. I just go into the pub, you know it's dark, it's cold, I go in and have a few pints and that the lifestyle here, like it, was grating at me for about 10 years at least because I had depression. I would try all you would know from pharmacy, but I'd try all doctors would give me like different antidepressants and stuff, and then I'd I wouldn't really I'd do them and it'd work a bit, but then I'd think I was all right and stop them and then I'd maybe self-medicate a bit with alcohol and sort of a just an ongoing bad mix but a lot of people with anxiety, with depression.
Speaker 2:They do self-medicate with either alcohol or drugs or whatever makes them feel better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but then, as you know, it has a terrible Like that's not the answer.
Speaker 1:The answer is obviously fix the root cause, or. But alcohol was my one, because alcohol is really a it's not. I've done other drugs like E and Coke and stuff like that, but I didn't. It wasn't really. I just loved alcohol because it's so harmless in one way you can just it's so acceptable, it's so acceptable, it's nearly the opposite. Here or when I was growing up, if you're not drinking, there's something wrong with you. You know it's still that way yeah, why? What's wrong with you?
Speaker 2:You look a bit weird and actually I have friends, male friends in particular and they say like if they go out on a date and they say, oh no, I'm not drinking, they'll be like, yeah, something wrong with you. They're almost like, look, she's going on something wrong with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're a bit weird. Somebody trips and weddings or anything, and I'd be like a little. I would always have like three months off where I'm trying to fix myself, and then people would just get you. They'd always be like come on, come on, come on, and you're like what's wrong with you, you know? And they'd grind you down. But then the people therapist told me one time just turn around and say I'm sorry, I have a problem with the drink and people just leave you alone. Then they don't push anymore alone.
Speaker 1:Then they don't push anymore, you know, and that didn't work. But that's a big step to if you're in yeah, you've met people for the first time and a social setting or something and to turn around and say you're an alcoholic or even like it's a huge it is bomb to drop on them and the conversation. But it does. It does shut people up like immediately. It's like they literally stop. But very hard. I just found it very hard not to drink here, so I went to Thailand.
Speaker 2:Okay. So you were like I can't do this, I'm going to go to Thailand.
Speaker 1:I started going at Christmas, like in the Love and Dublin days I would go for like I found December very hard because it's like here it's like work parties there's like nine different parties you have to go to at Christmas time. And then so I just used to go for December and I'd get out of town and just go there and go to the gym, get healthy, sunshine and feel amazing and miss the whole Christmas madness. But then I'd come back and it would be the same. So I did that a couple of Christmas and then I just said like I want to go and live there full time. You know, like I was always trying to fix myself. So I said I'd want to go and live there full time. You know, like I was always trying to fix myself. So I said I'd go to Thailand and that would be the magic bullet, I thought.
Speaker 2:And when you say fix yourself and you did mention childhood traumas are you happy to talk?
Speaker 1:a little bit about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I always feel like it's not that bad when I hear some other people's traumas.
Speaker 2:But like Isn't that the thing? We minimize our own, because we say oh well, look, you know other people have it worse, but it's very, it's happened to you yeah.
Speaker 1:There's probably a term for that.
Speaker 2:Sure, some psychiatrist or somewhere has come up with a term for it.
Speaker 1:When I was about 12 or 13, I had like really happy family life and then my mom just walked out one evening and left me and my dad and out of nowhere you know, I thought maybe not I can look back now and see it wasn't a perfect life. But I thought it was a perfect family life and she just left. I was like where's mommy gone, you know? And my dad was like, oh, she's left. So she left with another man just overnight and then moved in with him. That was quite upsetting, but then like he was an asshole Sorry, I don't know if I can swear he was not a nice person- no, you can absolutely swear.
Speaker 2:I swear all the time.
Speaker 1:Okay, and then he sort of beat the crap out of her and I saw a lot of that.
Speaker 2:Did you live with her or your dad?
Speaker 1:My dad. But then I'd go at the weekends to hers and then he was there and he just like just absolutely beat the crap out of her. Like I saw her getting black eyes and like him on top of her beating her and all that sort of stuff. Did your dad know this? No, I didn't tell. Like once I told him he went mad and tried to even though they'd broken up or whatever he tried to get her to. Eventually she left him, that guy, but it went on for a good three or four years.
Speaker 1:So just very I think my problem was the guilt that I didn't do anything. I mean, I was only 13 and he was a big guy, so I don't know like I I still sort of think like you should have just got a tennis racket or something you know, smashed him over the head or you know. But I didn't do much, I just sort of hid in my room and that I think that guilt was always with me. You know that you should have done something, or I'm close to my mum now, like very close.
Speaker 2:Did you have to do a lot of talking with your mum to get very close to her again.
Speaker 1:We did this sort of Irish thing where you just sort of ignore it for a long time, you know, and just pretend nothing happened, you know, for a long time. But then, yeah, yeah, we did eventually talk. But I carried that maybe through because I kind of moved away and and back here to Ireland and then the relationship wasn't great different times. But, yeah, eventually a lot of talking and figuring it out, because I think I would always have trauma then with women or relationships because like, obviously I wouldn't trust them very well because I just think they were going to leave out of nowhere because from my childhood and then I'd drink and that would sort of spiral. So, yeah, you minimize the trauma. I always look at people who've, I don't know, seen worse stuff or sexual abuse or something terrible.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I'm like, oh, mine's not that bad, but it just yeah, it affected me big time.
Speaker 2:Okay, goodness, so you end up in Thailand.
Speaker 1:I end up in Thailand and I was. It was sort of I actually had a girlfriend with me at the time and I was always drinking and not drinking and trying to get on, and so the problem is I went to Thailand with her and then COVID hit and, as you know, that was just mental time for everybody stuck in the house. But we broke up, covid hit and then had nothing to do, which I'm kind of like hyper ADHD, always doing a business or you know something and then I thought it'd be yeah, yeah, yeah and then.
Speaker 1:I had this idea that I'd worked so hard my whole life that it would be nice to just sit on the beach and live life. I had savings so I could do a few years of doing nothing, but it turned out that was terrible idea for me. So, yeah, broke up with her. Covid was just really. I think that messed everybody up, didn't it with like just drinking. That was sorry. Drinking became acceptable. Then you know like you could wake up at 10 in the morning, maybe another drink. So I went on the mother of all benders that lasted for about six weeks, and when I say bender, like I was drinking maybe three bottles of wine a day and like four or five Valiums and then maybe six beers and a bottle of whiskey and I know that's Jesus. People are like you're not even that that big. Like how would you?
Speaker 2:get that into you.
Speaker 1:But I was waking up like what I would do is I'd wake up at 7am and I'd go down to the beach bar and I'd be like I'd have to shake, so I'd have four or five beers to steady me and then I would I'd sort of like that perk up and I'd be feeling so then I'd have a bottle of wine and then you'd be that would be enough to make you pass out by 11am and maybe sleep for a few hours. Then you'd wake up feeling like even worse because you've worse jitters, so I'd have to take like a couple of Valiums and another bottle of wine to settle you down and then you'd be sort of like mellow, maybe another crash out and then like a big session in the evening. So like I might be like sleeping three times a day.
Speaker 2:And would you have friends around you doing this, or would you do it yourself?
Speaker 1:No, I would always start off quite social on a Friday night football match or rugby or whatever drinking occasion but then say that's the Saturday, this is my pattern the whole life. Saturday, and then the Sunday there's always somebody who's hung over as well. You could convince them oh, come on, we'll go for the cure or we'll get a few more pints, and there'll be somebody with you. But then, come the Monday, I'd be on my own drinking. They'd all be in bits, hung over and dealing with their responsibilities in life, whereas I would just be like. I'd be like, ah, sure, I'll have a bottle of wine for Monday morning breakfast.
Speaker 1:So it would always spill on further and further and when it was sort of I could manage that when I was even in love in Dublin days, I could, you know, you start drinking Thursday, friday, saturday, maybe Sundays, kind of you could get away with that, acceptable. But then I would slip into like Sunday nights I'd be having pints and then eventually, when it got really bad, it would be like Monday I would get to work, but then I'd be so bad I'd be like I'd finish the day's work on a laptop in a bar drinking pints, to just.
Speaker 2:And did anyone ever say anything to you? Did your friends or your family ever?
Speaker 1:You can hide it, like I was the master of lying. You can just come up with so many excuses and when you're in Thailand, nobody really had nobody to police it, like family or friends and then when you're here you'd be surprised. Like I've been in business meetings where I've had to have like a double gin and tonic around the corner. Like you can have gin because it doesn't smell, and I mean, maybe people know, but I think you can, especially when you're kind of the boss and you're in charge of the business. You can always have a meeting and have to go such and such a place, but you're only fooling yourself. But you can't hide it from people. Yeah, until it gets really bad, and then you're you probably can't okay, and what happened to you?
Speaker 2:what was the beginning of the end?
Speaker 1:after that six-week bender it was like I think it was a breakdown actually, like my body started doing weird things, like I was drinking and I would just um start crying. You know what it's like when you cry. You feel kind of feel it coming and you're a bit sad, but like I was just sitting there some days, like having my lunch, and like tears would start rolling down my eye and I'd be like what is that? Like something from the roof or what? And then I'd look and there'd be like tears running down my eyes and then my brain started going fuzzy. Like I started forgetting passwords and stuff like that. It was just it was getting so much harder to.
Speaker 1:When you're drinking, you can always fix it with another beer or another glass of wine. It gets you back on the horse, but I was really struggling to find anything. So I started drinking whiskey, which I've like never drank in my life. It was the only thing that could kind of calm me down. So eventually it just got so bad that, like those incidents, I like fell over at a party, like literally smashed my face.
Speaker 1:It was just it was like the end of the end. And then eventually I woke up and I was like I felt like I was going to die and I just said to my friend I called my friend, I was like right, I need to go to hospital immediately. It was like I think I'm going to die. And he came and drove me there and they took me in and I was in there for an ICU for like three, four days. I still don't even know what they were just bringing big needles in and putting them in me, because it's really dangerous. When you stop alcohol, you need like whatever. I don't know what the drugs are, but you need something to come off that amount of alcohol or you could die, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when it's done in community it's usually like Librium you'll be given it's four days and they reduce it down really slowly over the course of like a week or two but it's to stop that the DTs because it is dangerous to stop, and I think it was because, like, actually the medical system in Thailand is unbelievable.
Speaker 1:If you're paying for it, it's like world class, like it's like walking into a five-star hotel, like amazing. But it's also a different country. They don't have your medical records, the I was like just came in off the street and in bits, so the nurses and everything were great, but they were just, and then I was on a lot of valium as well. That I've been like self because you can buy anything over the counter in thailand which is lethal, you, you know like it's, it's it's very dangerous, it's a lot of volume. And then so, yeah, they got me calmed down, but that was actually only the start. Surviving that was.
Speaker 1:I just remembered it was like New Year's Eve, randomly, and uh, I was just in that hospital bed and it was like you know the way when you get the normal people would get the, the fear. You know, when you're hungover, you get a little bit of like nervousness or fear. It was that times like 10 000. So I was just lying there and I was like I thought there was like monsters coming to get me and then I'd hear a noise and I'd be like that's the police. The police are here to lock me up for having Valium. The nurses have told the police that and you, just all these thoughts in your head that you're cracking up, really, you know like.
Speaker 1:So yeah, it was horrible. It was horrible and I was like mixture between just die, please just die. It'd be just like if I close my eyes it'll just go away. And then eventually, after one or two days, I was kind of like, oh, just fight it and like, if I can live through this, I'll just give me another chance. I was like not God, because I'm not really religious, but I was like someday I was like, just give me a chance and I'll, if I can get back, I'll change everything. And I like I did. But that was a dark, uh dark few days in the Thai hospital, jesus yeah.
Speaker 1:I was I can't remember who's saying to a couple of days ago. It was the best thing in my life because before that I was always trying. I needed the fear of God put into me to stop drinking. And that did that rock, rock bottom and I had to hit that Because I've never I gave up. After that I walked out and I gave up alcohol, valium, cigarettes, drugs. I didn't really do drugs, I didn't like the odd time, but everything. I just gave up everything In one crack and never had anything since.
Speaker 2:So and have you ever had an urge to have it, since you know parties, anything since so? And have you ever had an urge to have it, since you know, at parties or when? Yeah, everyone's having the crack around you.
Speaker 1:Have you ever felt that? Oh god, it's just in the first six months I would say valium was still, because you get like anxious it's a dirty drug oh, horrible, horrible actually.
Speaker 1:And I was xanax before that, but then I switched to value, like I thought xanax was even worse, to be honest. So first six months Valium a little bit I was like I need something to just take the edge off and calm me down. But alcohol, no, I find like the trigger points for me were like just sporting events. I used to like watching the rugby or the football in the pub. So I just cut that out completely. And no, I was so deterred, I had like a just a slide indoors or whatever moment in that hospital bed that I was like, if I get out of this, never again, and it's, I wouldn't say it was easy, because the first six months were, I think I knew I'd done it.
Speaker 1:Mentally I was like, okay, I'm done, but physically I think the body was still like screaming out for stuff. So the hospital was hard. But the next six months I'd say it was nearly as hard, Just physically. Physically I was just broken. I was such an idiot. I got out of the hospital after four days and I was like so high on, like I was like, right, I'll go for a run, like ridiculous.
Speaker 1:Like the most ridiculous thing.
Speaker 2:You're an extreme character, aren't you?
Speaker 1:Absolutely Like I was put the shoes on, I was like, right, I'm back. I think I latched at about 400 yards and that like actually sent me back to bed. Like I was like probably nearly needing to go back in, but I was like just so keen to get better. Yeah, so those six months were I still had a lot of anxiety, like anxiety was the biggest problem in those days. It's like waking up from the mother of all hangovers. Like it's not like, what have I done last night? It's like you know you've all your friends, family, you've been in hospital. Like you've nearly drank yourself to death is very hard to come back from Putting your father, mother, friends through that. That took a long time to get over. So it looks like now it's like oh, I went to Thailand, give up the booze, help the dogs.
Speaker 2:It wasn't a clean line like that Particularly, you mentioned your mum and dad there, like how did they deal with you during that time? Did they know the extent of the issue until you ended up in hospital?
Speaker 1:They did. I think there were signs like in the last month. My behavior was just sort of irrational or wild. It was sort of like cries for help, I think. I think I even posted on Twitter a few times like this is what a life of an addict looks like.
Speaker 1:I was like absolutely steaming drunk, I could barely see the phone and I've put this up online everyone to see, oh and like a table full of cigarette packets and broken wine bottle, then I'd, you know, pass out and then wake up the next morning and just look at the and I'd be like, oh my god, like 50 missed calls and a hundred messages and I'd just like turn it off and go and drink again. So there was definitely like they were freaking out and I think it was the end of COVID where they couldn't really nobody could fly over and do an intervention or something like that. So it must have been very, very hard for them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:It was genuinely the best thing that ever happened to me, I think.
Speaker 2:So then, how did this new life of yours come about?
Speaker 1:well, when I was in the hospital bed, I I was like dead. I was counting down the seconds. I was like I just get through 10 seconds and then you might live. I was like so close to to death that, um, I was like thinking about all everything I'd done in my life and I was like, oh, you've worked on yachts. You've worked, you know, you've seen all these amazing places, you've been a chef, you've sold a business, you've bought a house, car. I was like I was like that, that's it. Is it Like you're got to like nobody's going to remember you in two years time, nevermind 20 years time.
Speaker 1:I was just like thinking of the things that used to be important, like getting the newest iPhone or whatever. We all have our little material things and I was like I couldn't, couldn't care less about any of them. The only thing that I was thinking about I I was like because I was dying in my head and I was like um, playing football as like a nine or ten year old. I was like that's what I was thinking about, like just, you know the innocence you have as a child, like are running down the street, like those were the things I was thinking of. I was thinking of like maybe times with family or ex-girlfriends, or and time with my dog Snoop. That was the one thing that kept coming back. I was like that's he's what kept me alive. I was like because he was in my apartment waiting for me if I got better, so I stayed alive for him was the thing.
Speaker 1:So I just decided in that moment I was like, if I survive, I'm gonna like change my life and do something meaningful and realize that material stuff doesn't, it doesn't matter like. So what if you have a website called love in Dublin or you have social media followers or you have a big contract with a bank, or like it doesn't fucking matter it actually doesn't matter Anything.
Speaker 1:It doesn't matter one bit, in like nobody cares when you're in it, you think you're so big and important and so like life or death that you win this contract. And I was just lying there going like, wow, you had all the wrong focus in life. So I was like if I get out of here, I'm gonna do something and just not care about those things. So it was reflection. But that wasn't just like it wasn't. Also, it wasn't just one moment. Like it took the next sort of six months to figure out that that was dogs. Originally I started thinking about, oh, maybe I'll do something with like sport, because I'd been thinking about football when I was younger. I was like I'll go and train kids to play football. It wasn't like dogs straight away, it was just like the dogs thing evolved.
Speaker 2:It was definitely something you wanted to do something better in the world.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So you tried to try and figure out what that was. It wasn't that like oh, I know, now all these stray dogs want to sort them out.
Speaker 1:No, okay. No, it wasn't Because I thought that that might be what it was. No, I think that, like dogs was in there, maybe helping kids, like I just thought about going on like sailing a boat around the world, I knew it was going to be something I didn't know away. That took a while to just naturally happen. So, just it was going to be something complete change of life. Because I was like I know I'm going to be in this position again, like we're all going to die, and I was like hopefully it'll be 20 or 30 or 40 years time. I don't want to be feeling this again like empty when I'm dying.
Speaker 2:I want to feel like I've achieved something so then, how did the dog thing come about? Was it just you saw a dog in the street and you're like Literally that.
Speaker 1:I mean I'd sort of fed them before when I was drunk and different times. There's a lot of street dogs there.
Speaker 2:Explain what it's like actually for someone that hasn't been to Thailand or doesn't understand what the dog situation is like over there, because I think it's hard for us to wrap our head around.
Speaker 1:It. There's like 8 million street dogs which, put in perspective, I think there's 4 million people in Ireland, so it's like twice as many people or twice as many dogs as there is people in Ireland and they're everywhere and it's like they're outside shops and pubs and running wild.
Speaker 2:And they don't cull them at all over there.
Speaker 1:No, they're really because they're Buddhists, so they're kind of. They just sort of ignore the problem, to be honest, and they're everywhere. There's like so many of them, and then it's like cows in India.
Speaker 2:Not quite as many, but the cows just walk the streets. Like there's cow pat all over the streets in India.
Speaker 1:It's like you say, so hard for anybody to grasp. Yeah, like it's. People will message me and they'll be like, oh, be like, oh, just take the dog home with you. And I'm like there's, you know, there's a million of these. There's a million. Like what do you? I can't take them all home, so it is a big problem. So no, I just saw them and I started feeding one that I met. Lucky, she was called, and then the next day I fed, like her friend, and it just sort of grew from five to ten well, once you start feeding them, they start knowing that you're going to feed them and they and do they bring their pals then?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, she's this eejit here now.
Speaker 1:Look at him exactly and they start knowing the sound of the bike, like it would come on the moped. So they're, they're cute, like you know. They'd know that you're, that you're coming. But it gave me like a sense of obviously I started feeling like feeding 20 or 30 of them. They'd be waiting and I think, as an alcoholic who'd always sort of let people down and made excuses and like I was kind of showing up for them every day and they knew I was coming and it sort of it gave me a real purpose to just in my early days of recovery I was like, well, I can't let the dogs down, you know I'll go up and feed them.
Speaker 1:And it was never going to turn into this like sitting doing a podcast with you or writing a book or anything like that. It was just do something good for me, like, nearly in a selfish way, feeding them. I was kind of like this is, I feel, amazing doing this. This is rewarding and fulfilling and they rely on me. So it just built up my sort of confidence, I think, and just reliability. So that's, that's how it started okay, but and then, where?
Speaker 2:where is it taking you now tell me it's like oh, it's mad.
Speaker 1:I feed 1200 every day like fresh food and we've built a big kitchen and and is that all funded by charity work that you do? Yeah, so I funded it myself at the start because I had savings.
Speaker 2:You had loads of money from that Love and Dublin sale, didn't you?
Speaker 1:Not as much as you'd think. By the time you pay stuff out and drink it, I'd say half of it was drunk. So drunk and gambled oh yeah, but no, I had some money left and I used that at the start. But then, yeah, as it ramped up, we started a charity feed a thousand two hundred now. We do like sterilizing operations, which is like neutering. We do like seven thousand of those every month. So it's just grown into this huge, huge thing and then wrote a book about it and you know the neutering part of it.
Speaker 2:Has anyone ever said to you but are you not interfering with natural selection by doing that, are you not definitely?
Speaker 1:there's um. There's a lot of different takes on it and I don't know who's right or wrong, but the biggest problem is it's an overpopulation problem. There are so many dogs there and they suffer from cruelty, disease, car accidents, and then they impact the quality of human life, like your house here. If you were in thailand, you'd have eight or nine dogs out ripping up your bins and barking all night like nobody wants. I love dogs, but nobody wants that so it's.
Speaker 1:You have to sort of manage the population so that they can live with humans. So the neutrin, like for every one we do, it stops 10 puppies coming into the world and I could see people's argument that you're interfering with it. But if you saw the suffering that we see, you would. You'd see like we see dogs shot. We see dogs stuff like chains around their necks but why do they do that?
Speaker 2:why would they put like? Because you know, you can understand. Say, people use donkeys and horses for to lug loads but, what can humans use dogs for?
Speaker 1:it's not that the most cruelty we see is when they're, like I said, around your house or your shop or your, your land, like it's very poor, like if you've got a farm with chickens on it, the dogs would attack the chickens okay you can understand like that's your livelihood and you're very poor and some dogs coming along to eat your chicken. You're going to shoot it or you're going to poison it or get rid of it.
Speaker 2:That's the sort of.
Speaker 1:So it's. It's just really an overpopulation problem and needs to be managed, and it should really be the government, but it's not. So that's where we jump in.
Speaker 2:And then when you're feeding them. Obviously that's the argument too. The counter argument is that you're feeding them, you're keeping them alive, so keep them healthier.
Speaker 1:That's definitely a very good argument, and what we do is we feed them, but we also vaccinate them, and that is, you're absolutely right, that makes them stronger and keeps them alive. But we only do that in areas where we've got the sterilization, and we actually map it out with surveys and everything to try and bring down the population. But it's not. It's a really complicated problem it's not.
Speaker 1:It's not uh, there's no perfect answer. Problem, it's not. It's not. There's no perfect answer. I'm trying to do it in a different language, different culture. Buddhist and Thais are kind of very much like ah, it'll be grand. They're kind of just like life will be life.
Speaker 2:They're kind of very much live and let live, aren't they?
Speaker 1:Maybe we're wrong on this, but when a dog gets to the end of its life here and has like we'll put it down or put it out, like they will take the dog and they might leave it in the jungle because it's and just say it's got a big tumor or something where it should be put down, they'll just like take it somewhere and just let it die a natural death and really suffer because they don't want to interfere with life or death. So that's like who's who's right on?
Speaker 1:like that's more of a philosophical question I guess I don't know who's right on that one are they like that with humans as well? To an extent, yeah, a little bit like they wouldn't get that worried. There's a lot of road deaths and stuff in thailand and they're sort of they don't mind dying because there's an afterlife they're very sure there's an afterlife and it's quite good and you get reaped. So their life is a bit sort of cheaper. In a way they're not as worried, maybe, about dying as we are.
Speaker 2:But they're a very open society, aren't they as well? Because even like when I was there 20 odd years ago, the whole ladyboy thing you know it would have been. It's just totally accepted, it's not an issue. And you know it would have been. It's just totally accepted, it's not an issue.
Speaker 1:And even I know Thai people that live here and it's just one of those things where it's over here it's like oh goodness we're still coming to terms with transgender and you know the way that everything was the pronouns and the all the transgender stuff here, I'm looking at it online and I'm like you know, there's culture wars, everybody's, you know.
Speaker 1:And then I'm looking at Thailand and I'm like it just seems so accepted yeah it's just people getting on with their lives and it's like you said, nobody's looking down on gay people or transgender, or it's just they all live together, like maybe I'm naive, maybe they're they do in Thai language or stuff, but it doesn't seem like it. If it's much more accepted, you can just be sort of whoever you want to be there without much stigma, so that I like that. Yeah, that's, that's a nice part of their society, definitely and then the people that are working with you.
Speaker 2:Are they? Do you have any irish people that go over and try and do apprenticeships with you or anything like that, or is it a lot of thai?
Speaker 1:people thai we've got. We kind of just I want to focus on thais because it's a Thai problem, so I want mainly Thai staff. I've got 12 now and then we've got a few people in England and America. But yeah it's actually quite hard with work permits, boring stuff like that to get foreigners to work in Thailand, so it's mostly local people at the moment.
Speaker 2:Are you a resident there now? Are you considered to be fully nationalized? No, not nationalized. It's a weird one. Are you considered to be fully nationalized?
Speaker 1:No, not nationalized, it's a weird one, but it's sort of you get a work permit and you work there.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:It's um yeah, it's a no. I love it. It's a great, a great country.
Speaker 2:No plans to come home at all. You want to kind of live out there, do you? No, I kind of like I've been here in Dublin now for a little while and You've been here in Dublin now for a little while and You've been here for 70 hours and you're like fuck that, I'm going back now to the sun.
Speaker 1:It's not so much that it's more well from the drinking perspective, I just still go past those. I just went for a walk last night and you know, like Kews, on just off Grafton Street and the Long Hall. I look like I walk past those places and I'm like Jesus that when you're asking me about craving beers, I wasn't not craving the taste, but I was just looking at it, going like Jesus. Eight or 10 points in there now would be some crack, wouldn't it? Like that's, that's the. That would be.
Speaker 1:My weak point would be Pints of Guinness watching a sporting event in one of those pubs. So it's 0% chance of cracking. But I just was looking at it, thinking back of the old days. So no, I don't, don't. Ireland is. The one thing I do miss is the, just the crack. The people like even talking to yourself and having a scone there before or in the taxi on the way out here this world, like I've had more crack which you can't really explain to anybody else yeah, and like I'm only up since seven o'clock and I've had a really nice conversation a taxi driver, a really nice conversation with you, your mom, and you don't get that in.
Speaker 1:Thailand or somewhere else. That's the one thing Like. I don't miss the weather, the, anything but the people, the people is really you, just I don't know. Yeah, the crack you, just you just don't get it anywhere else.
Speaker 2:It's a different form of humor as well, isn't it?
Speaker 1:It is. It's very self-deprecating.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:We don't take ourselves too seriously. A lot of other countries, even English people, a lot of English friends, just take themselves a bit more seriously. Or, you know, there's more of a guard up, whereas Irish people are just fairly relaxed, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so tell us about your book.
Speaker 1:The book. Yeah, that's about Tina, a dog who was amazing. She was amazing and she only lived for six months, but she was just an incredible dog and built a hospital in her name now in Thailand and a lot of the sterilizing is done in her name and I just wrote the book to try and just tell the story and it's not.
Speaker 2:It's a story about Tina, or is it more of a story about life?
Speaker 1:life. I think a lot of people would know Tina and I know Tina and but it's. She was on a chain for her whole life being used for breeding. So she loads of puppies and I only had six months with her and she sort of was reborn in those six months and she just lived every moment as if it was her last, even though she'd been chained up and abused and everything. So I think I mixed that with a bit of my own story and just tell people to. You know, a lot of people are. It could be anything depression, struggling with their kids, hate, hate their job, domestic abuse, whatever Everybody's. We've all got problems. Yeah, so I was 42 or 41, I think, whenever I ended up in that hospital bed, and 41, your life's probably set. You might have kids, you might have your job.
Speaker 1:Maybe people think it's hard to make a change at that age, or even 30, whatever age. So I just wanted to tell people that there's hope out there. You can. You can have your dreams or whatever they are. So if Tina could do it, so I can do it. I think there's hope for other people as well yeah, and age is just a number, isn't it?
Speaker 2:you can do it at any stage in your life, because I think my cohort is mainly middle-aged women, niall, and maybe they are feeling that they want to do something different with their lives.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's it, isn't it, and it's it's why not. You know, it just takes the guts to go and do it, which is easy to say, but it's very hard to make that jump.
Speaker 2:It's very scary.
Speaker 1:I've done it myself, yeah, and terrifying, but you do it, and everybody I've talked to, like you said, was it the best thing you've ever done in your life 100%.
Speaker 2:And do you know what? Even if it had to fall on flat on its face, you can't regret something that you tried Exactly.
Speaker 1:But still saying that there's people here listening to this podcast will still find 99 other reasons to say no, to talk themselves down off the ledge, which we've all done. And it's just to go and do it, because life is short and you can. I think I have a unique perspective from thinking I was going to die, that like you're going to just regret not taking that jump and trying the things that you love in life. And it doesn't have to be give up your job, send the kids off. It doesn't have to be extreme, like it might be. I really regret. Like I love dogs. I was like I lived in Dublin all this time there's like the SPCA just up the road and like dog charities. I was like why did I not go out on a like Saturday and walk dogs in the charity or, you know, do something that you loved when it's there?
Speaker 2:Like, I think, just having that bit of action going and doing something you love. I always ask two questions at the end of every podcast. What advice would you?
Speaker 1:give young people today Young people today, I mean, it's advice I should probably take myself more is get off your phone, like get off your phone full stop and go and experience some things in life, because there's a whole world out there that you just need to take chances If you feel like you're young and you want to go and travel to Australia do it.
Speaker 1:If you want to take a gap year, do it. You're not going to get a second chance. The one thing I've noticed in life is there's a career mapped out or there's not even a career. There's a path mapped out for you, nearly, and at school, get a degree, maybe get a master's, get into corporate ladder god, you can't get. You can't get out of your job now because you'll fall behind, have to have your kids, your house, your mortgage, like all of that is fine, but if you miss two years to go and be a singer in Miami or whatever it is you're into, like the world's not going to fall apart. You'll still get a job and you'll still get a life when you come back. Just follow your own path and take a few risks because you don't have to do what the life that's mapped out for you.
Speaker 2:And Niall, what is the meaning of life?
Speaker 1:I'm really struggling with that. I think you just have to be kind. I know that's not really a good answer, but you have to be. Just the meaning of life is like. I'm not religious. I went to like a mass when I was younger and to keep my granny and my dad happy, but I never believed in anything. I just didn't believe in it. And I don't have any problem with other people believing in any religion. But I just think if you're kind to people and you do nice things, there's something, probably in the afterlife, I believe. I don't know what it is, but if you're kind to people and you do the right thing and you're nice, I think you'll be well looked after in the afterlife, whatever it might be.
Speaker 2:Maybe the Buddhism is having a little bit of an effect on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're talking about the afterlife, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:No, I think, just I think just look, there's an awful lot of bad stuff in the world and everything seems bad. But just be kind and try and help other people or make a difference in the world, and it'll come back to you in some way and help you.
Speaker 2:Niall, it has been such a pleasure, and your book is available in all bookstores on Amazon, everywhere, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Fabulous Okay.
Speaker 1:Doesn't even feel like a podcast, feel like a therapy session, mixed with a little chat in a nice cosy set, and I loved it.
Speaker 2:What a pleasure. Thanks so much.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
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