What Is Post-Traumatic Growth (And Could You Be In It Already?)

You’re not the same after what you’ve lived through, but what if that’s not a setback? What if it’s the beginning of becoming?

In this transformative episode of The Happya Life, Clare Deacon, trauma-informed therapist, positive psychology coach, and founder of Happya, explores the powerful concept of Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG) and why healing isn’t about going back to who you were, but about rising differently.

Whether your life was disrupted by grief, burnout, a relationship breakdown, a career shift, or something that doesn’t “seem big enough” to name as trauma, if you’ve felt changed by it, this episode is for you.

We cover:

• What post-traumatic growth really is and how it’s different from toxic positivity
• How trauma (big or small) reshapes your identity and your nervous system
• The signs you may already be in a phase of growth and don’t even realise it
• The difference between PTG and learned helplessness
• What makes PTG possible and the practical, emotional shifts to look for
• A grounding practice and reflection prompt to help you anchor into the growth already happening in you

Clare shares openly about how the death of her husband shifted everything, not only her grief, but her strength, courage, and authenticity. And how Happya was born from the belief that survival isn’t enough.

If you’re wondering whether this season of hardship might also be the soil for something more meaningful, this episode will leave you feeling seen, softened, and supported.

You are not broken. You are becoming. And that becoming deserves to be honoured.

👉 Want to explore post-traumatic growth with Clare? Send a message on Instagram or reach out through the website, she’ll guide you towards the right support for where you are now.

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🎵 Music by LemonMusicStudio

Transcript

Hello and welcome back to The Happya Life. I’m Clare Deacon, trauma-informed therapist, positive psychology coach and the founder of Happya, and today we’re talking about something I think every woman deserves to hear. Not just healing, not just surviving, but growing. Post-traumatic growth, what it is, how it shows up and why even if you don’t realise it yet you might already be living it.

This episode is for anyone who’s walked through something hard and come out changed. Maybe you wouldn’t call it trauma. Maybe it was burnout, divorce, grief, redundancy, losing a role that once defined you. Or maybe it was trauma, capital T or little t, because trauma isn’t about the event, it’s about what happens in your body, your brain, your beliefs when something overwhelms your capacity to cope, when your sense of safety, identity or trust in the world is shaken and nothing feels the same afterwards.

And the truth is, trauma changes you. Your nervous system, your view of the world, the way you relate to yourself and others. It shrinks your window of tolerance, makes you hyper-alert or completely shut down. It pulls you into black and white thinking, all-or-nothing patterns, fear-based decisions, and you start to build your life around avoidance or defence rather than joy or possibility.

But here’s what we don’t talk about enough. Trauma doesn’t have to define you and it doesn’t have to be the end of your story.

Post-traumatic growth, or PTG, is the process of becoming someone new. Not despite what you’ve lived through but because of it. Not because it was good or needed or deserved, but because you chose to grow in the aftermath, and that choice is one of the most powerful acts of reclaiming your life you can make.

It took the loss of my husband to unlock this truth in me, and I don’t say that lightly or with a bow tied around it. I would give anything to have him here, but I also know that I found strength I didn’t know I had. Not just strength as a defence mechanism, I already had that. I had survived many things before. I was strong in the way women often are, out of necessity, holding it all together, staying silent, pushing through, putting on the smile when inside I was screaming. But I’m talking about a different kind of strength, the kind rooted in self-worth, the kind that doesn’t perform or prove or hustle for approval, the kind that says I matter, I have a voice and I get to choose what my life looks like from here.

That shift didn’t happen overnight and it didn’t happen because I followed a 5-step plan. It happened slowly and gently as I rebuilt my nervous system and my sense of self. I stopped asking, how do I get back to who I was, and started asking, who am I becoming and what do I want to carry with me.

That’s the thing about post-traumatic growth. It’s not about bouncing back, it’s about rising differently. It’s not about being grateful for your pain, it’s about making meaning from it. Not to justify what happened but to find power in how you respond.

So how do you know if you’re in post-traumatic growth? Maybe it looks like noticing that you’re more grateful than you used to be, not in a toxic positivity way but in a grounded I don’t take life for granted way. Maybe you’re more willing to say no, more willing to fail, more willing to take up space because you’re not living on defence anymore. Maybe you’re no longer performing who you think you should be, but choosing who you really are.

I see this with clients all the time. Women who’ve come through hard seasons and begin to speak up where they used to shrink, make different choices, let go of roles that no longer fit, rebuild their relationship with their bodies or take brave steps towards careers they actually want, not the ones they were told to chase.

And it’s not always dramatic. It’s often subtle. Your values shift. Your relationships shift. Your nervous system softens. Your priorities change. You feel emotions more deeply but they no longer overwhelm you. You feel stronger because you’ve stopped betraying yourself.

Now let’s talk about what helps post-traumatic growth to happen, because not everyone grows from adversity. Some people get stuck in learned helplessness, where the brain believes nothing will change so there’s no point trying. This often happens when we don’t feel supported or when the trauma was ongoing or invalidated, when we stay in survival mode too long or when shame tells us we should be over it by now.

So what helps growth over helplessness? Firstly, support, whether that’s therapeutic, coaching, connection. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation, it happens in safe relationship. Secondly, nervous system regulation. When your body feels safer, your brain can start to see possibility again. Third, meaning-making, not in a spiritual bypass way but in a deep reflective way, asking, what did this season teach me about myself, what do I want to carry forward and what can I leave behind. And finally, self-compassion. Knowing that growth isn’t linear. It doesn’t mean you never struggle, it means you struggle differently, with more awareness and less self-abandonment.

For me, it started with breath, not a morning ritual or a perfect routine. Just simple awareness, noticing when my chest tightened and asking, what do I need right now. Not what’s wrong with me, not how do I get over this, but how do I support myself through this.

It’s the breath that grounds me. It’s the choice to pause. It’s the softening of the jaw, the relaxing of the shoulders, the whisper in my body that says, I am safe, I am here, I can choose what comes next.

And if you’re not sure where to begin, try this one reflection. Notice one moment this week where you responded differently than the old you would have. Maybe you paused before snapping. Maybe you asked for help. Maybe you rested without guilt. Maybe you said no without justifying it. That’s growth. It’s quiet but profound.

And if you’re listening and thinking this doesn’t apply to me, I didn’t have trauma, you might still be experiencing change that shifted your identity and you are still worthy of growth and transformation. Maybe the loss of a role, a shift in relationships, a health challenge, a move abroad, whatever the trigger, you didn’t have to call it trauma for growth to be real.

If you’re ready to step into not just healing but becoming, please send me a message on Instagram or via the website. Let me know where you’re at and I’ll help you find which next step you’re ready for, whether that’s coaching, resources or sign-posting something gentle to help you expand your capacity.

Because you are not broken, you are becoming, and that becoming deserves to be honoured.

Thank you for showing up for yourself, for choosing growth over comfort, for allowing this shift to happen. I’ll see you next week where we’ll explore why your nervous system won’t let you relax and how to work with it, not against it.

Until then, breathe, soften your shoulders and remember, you’re not behind, you’re becoming, and that in itself is extraordinary.