The Unexpected Gifts of Rock Bottom (And How to Rise Differently)

“Rock bottom isn’t a collapse, it’s clarity.”

In this raw and soul-nourishing episode of The Happya Life, Clare Deacon, trauma-informed therapist and founder of Happya, holds sacred space for the woman who’s quietly unraveling beneath the weight of her life.

If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t recognise myself anymore,” this one’s for you.

💔 Maybe your rock bottom came after a breakup, burnout, or a body that finally said no.
💔 Maybe it’s quieter, a slow ache, a silent disconnection, a life that no longer fits.
💔 Maybe you’re still showing up, still coping, still functioning but something inside you is done performing.

This isn’t about fixing you.
It’s about helping you meet the woman beneath the roles, perfection, people-pleasing, and survival mode.

Inside this episode, Clare gently guides you through:

The real meaning of rock bottom (it’s not failure, it’s identity collapse)

Why post-traumatic growth begins when we stop performing and start feeling

How to begin rising again slowly, gently, honestly after everything falls apart

Nervous system wisdom, personal stories, and compassionate support

Whether you’re in the ashes or just beginning to rise, you are not broken.
You are breaking open.

🎧 Listen now and begin rising differently.

Free Resources & Support:
💬 Complimentary chat → https://happyacoach.com/chat
🗺️ Free Self Reflection Map: Where Did YOU Go? → https://happyacoach.com/self

🌸 Let’s Stay Connected: Your Healing Journey Deserves Support

➤ Read Clare’s Book: Blooming Happya
Discover the story, tools, and transformation that started it all.
👉 happyacoach.com/bookstore

➤ 📲 Follow Clare on Instagram (Daily Truths + Real Talk):
@happyacoach

➤ 🎙️ Book a Free Clarity Call:
Need guidance, grounding, or space to speak? Let's talk.
👉 happyacoach.com/chat

➤ 📩 Join the Happya® Newsletter (Tools + Notes from Clare):
Weekly soul-checks, real-life insights, and practical tools.
👉 happyacoach.com/newsletter

➤ 🌐 Explore More at:
happyacoach.com

💌 Email Clare Directly: clare@happyacoach.com

🎵 Music by LemonMusicStudio

Transcript

Welcome back to The Happya Life Podcast. I’m Clare Deacon, trauma-informed therapist, positive psychology coach, and founder of Happya and today we’re talking about a moment almost every woman reaches at some point in her life… but rarely talks about until she’s through the worst of it. 

Rock bottom. 

Let me just soften us into this conversation for a moment. Wherever you are out walking, cooking, driving I want you to take a slow breath. 

Drop your shoulders.

Unclench your jaw. 

Just for a second, let yourself arrive here with me. 

Because rock bottom is tender. 

It’s raw. 

It’s complicated. 

And for many women, it’s not just a life event it’s an identity event. 

It might come after a breakup or a divorce. 

Or when a health scare shakes you awake. 

Or when your body finally collapses after years of being the strong one. 

Or maybe nothing big happens at all you just wake up one morning in a life that feels too small, too heavy, too misaligned, and you think: “I can’t do this anymore.” 

That moment that quiet collapse is rock bottom too. 

And if you’re in that space right now, I want you to hear me say this clearly: 

Rock bottom is not weakness. 

It’s truth. 

It’s your body, your nervous system, your identity finally whispering, “I can’t carry this version of my life anymore.” 

I want to share something personal here something gentle. 

When people imagine rock bottom, they imagine chaos. 

But mine wasn’t chaos. 

Mine was silence. 

Mine looked like holding myself together for years, being incredibly capable, incredibly functional the woman, everyone relied on until life cracked me open. 

Losing my husband broke something in me that I couldn’t patch back together with strength or determination or coping strategies. 

The identity I had lived inside the strong one, the one who could survive anything suddenly didn’t fit anymore. 

I didn’t know who I was without that role. 

I didn’t know who I was when I couldn’t keep going in the same way. 

And that moment that identity rupture was my rock bottom. 

Maybe you recognise pieces of that. 

Maybe your rock bottom didn’t look like disaster. 

Maybe it looked like living a life that didn’t feel like yours. 

Like performing a version of you that no longer fit. 

Like waking up inside a story you didn’t remember choosing. 

And this is important: rock bottom is not the moment your life falls apart. 

It’s the moment your identity does. 

The quiet ache of feeling disconnected, lost, flat, like you’ve become everything to everyone else and somehow lost yourself in the process.

That moment when you think, “Where did I go?” 

That is rock bottom too. 

Here’s the truth we rarely speak out loud: Rock bottom is not a collapse. 

It’s clarity. 

It’s the moment the mask falls. 

The moment the roles stop working. 

The moment the survival strategies can’t carry you anymore. 

The moment your nervous system stops pretending. 

When everything you’ve been holding finally becomes too heavy… your body steps in and says, “No more.” 

And although it feels terrifying, humiliating, or shameful it’s actually the beginning of a very particular kind of rebirth. 

In positive psychology, we call it post-traumatic growth. 

Not in the “silver lining” way. 

Not in the “everything happens for a reason” way. 

But in the deeply human, deeply honest way. 

It simply means: “When life cracks you open, you have the opportunity to grow into a version of yourself you never had access to before.”

Not everyone experiences it. 

But many women do especially when they feel supported, seen, and safe.

And that’s the thing about rock bottom: it strips everything away except the truth. 

You stop having the energy to perform. 

You stop having the capacity to please. 

You stop having the bandwidth to be everything for everyone. 

You stop hiding the exhaustion you’ve been carrying for years. 

And in that raw, unfiltered place… you meet yourself. 

Not the version of you shaped by expectations. 

Not the version of you shaped by childhood roles. 

Not the version of you shaped by trauma or survival or coping strategies. 

You meet the woman underneath. 

The woman you’ve always been, even if you lost sight of her. 

Inside POWER RESET, this is the moment everything begins the moment when the old identity collapses and you’re finally able to start asking the questions you were too busy or too overwhelmed or too afraid to ask before: 

Who am I underneath all these roles? 

What do I want my life to feel like? 

What am I done performing? 

What have I been carrying that no longer belongs to me? 

What truth have I been too tired to speak? 

Rock bottom forces those questions to the surface. 

And I know they’re uncomfortable. 

They bring up grief. 

They bring up fear. 

They bring up parts of you that have been quiet for years. 

But that discomfort? 

That’s growth beginning. 

Let me tell you a story about a woman I worked with we’ll call her Emma. 

Emma was the definition of capable. She never dropped the ball. Everyone relied on her. 

Her life looked strong and put together. 

But inside, she felt hollow. 

Disconnected. Exhausted. 

One day, she sat on her bathroom floor and cried because she couldn’t bring herself to make a simple decision what to cook for dinner. 

Her nervous system had nothing left to give. 

She told me later, “Clare, I thought I had failed.” 

But when we unpacked it, it became clear: She hadn’t failed. 

She had finally stopped. Stopped pretending. Stopped performing. Stopped carrying a life that didn’t nourish her. 

Rock bottom was the first honest thing she’d done for herself in years. 

And from that place the place she feared most the real rising began. 

That’s the part no one tells you: 

Rising looks different after trauma. 

It’s not a motivational sprint. 

It’s not a dramatic comeback. 

It’s not “fixing yourself” or “snapping out of it.” 

Rising after rock bottom is slow. 

Intentional. 

Embodied. 

Gentle. 

True. 

For me, rising began with nervous system work long before confidence, self-belief, or purpose came back. It began with sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea, placing my feet on the ground, and whispering, “You’re safe now.” 

It began with letting myself cry without apologising. 

It began with admitting I was lost and deciding to find myself again. 

When with individuals who find themselves in this place, we consider that moment: that painful but powerful recognition that you don’t actually know who you are anymore… but something in you is ready to find out. 

That is the invitation of rock bottom. 

Not to rebuild your old life but to build a life that fits your truth. 

Let’s pause for a moment. 

If you’re listening and you feel like everything is rubble… if you’re sitting inside a life that has fallen apart in ways you never imagined… I want you to place a hand over your heart. 

Right now. 

Just for a moment. 

And breathe. 

You’re still here. 

You’re still breathing. 

You’re still carrying hope, even if it feels tiny or quiet or fragile. 

That is rising. 

Not the dramatic kind. 

The honest kind. 

I want to offer you something gentle a question to hold this week: 

What part of me is trying to grow now that the old life no longer fits? 

And let whatever comes up be enough. 

It might be grief. 

It might be desire. 

It might be exhaustion. 

It might be anger. 

It might be clarity. 

All of it is welcome. 

All of it is information. 

All of it is part of your rising. 

And if listening to this has stirred something in you if it feels like I’m naming a part of your story you’ve never had words for then I want to invite you gently into the next step. 

Book a complimentary chat with me. Not because there’s something wrong with you. 

Not because you need fixing. 

Not because you need to be “rescued.” 

But because this season is tender and you don’t have to navigate it alone. 

In our chat, we’ll talk about where you are, what’s shifting inside you, what you’re longing for, and what kind of support might help you rise differently. 

It’s spacious. 

It’s honest. 

And it’s completely pressure-free. 

This is exactly what POWER RESET was designed for: guiding you through the identity shift that happens after rock bottom, and helping you rediscover the woman underneath the roles, the noise, and the survival strategies. 

And if you’re not ready to talk to me yet that’s okay too. You can begin with the free Self Reflection Map Where Did YOU Go? It’s a resource that helps you understand where you lost yourself… and how to begin finding your way back. 

You’ll find the link in the show notes. 

You’re not broken. 

You’re breaking open. 

You’re not behind. 

You’re becoming. 

You’re not weak. 

You’re wise. 

Rock bottom is not your ending it’s your invitation to rise differently. 

Thank you for listening, for feeling, for being here, even if life feels heavy. 

Your willingness to stay is already your rising. 

Next week, we’re talking about navigating the festive season with nervous system support because peace on earth might be a lot to ask, but peace in your body?

That’s something we can build together. 

Until then breathe gently. Honour the ashes. And trust: something beautiful can grow here.