Colette Brown [00:00:00]:
Welcome to the limitless healing podcast where everyone is welcome to take a front row seat and listen in on inspiring conversations, stories of healing and action steps to help you live your best life. My name is Colette Brown and I am passionate about all things wellness, mind, body, soul. Inspired by my own personal transformation from unwell and not knowing where to turn to thriving and flourishing and motivated to help you do the same. I share this platform with medical doctors, wellness practitioners, chronic illness survivors, meditation and mindfulness gurus, innovators of products from food to technology and more. Think of it as a one stop shop for wellness resources where you can listen to professionals from around the world to help you thrive. Join me Mondays and Wednesdays while sipping a cup of tea or making your favorite meal as we explore the world of wellness together. This is the limitless healing podcast. In light of the new year, people want to set goals and make changes for the positive.
Colette Brown [00:01:16]:
How can we do this? And what about when it comes to addiction? Our next guest is a published author, musician, psychologist, father, husband and advocate for those that suffer with addiction. Some call him the Gordon Ramsay of addiction. It is an honor to welcome Rob Kelly. Welcome Rob.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:01:38]:
Hi, great to be here. Thank you so much for having me.
Colette Brown [00:01:41]:
I'm so happy that you're here. I appreciate the time that you've taken to share with us about such an important topic. So before we start and get into it, I kind of want to paint a picture of you. So can you take us back to an early childhood memory that was very influential, that kind of put you on the trajectory of today?
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:02:05]:
I wanted to be a professional musician, which I became. So I remember my first guitar from my mum and dad. It was at Christmas, it cost nine pounds more than years ago, which was quite a lot of money back in the early seventy? S, maybe late 60s, but yeah, I remember my uncle stayed with us for a while and he was a guitar player with my auntie. You sang, so they had like a duo cabaret band and I wanted to join so he would come and he'd spend some time with us. And when I saw the first tie pulled out, I just wanted to play that. So it's like I can play any instrument in the world. I'm just naturally gifted because my family is musical. So yeah, at the age of nine I was on stage with my auntie and uncle, playing professionally, getting paid for it.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:02:55]:
So that was my biggest memory that changed my whole life going forward.
Colette Brown [00:03:00]:
Wow. And music is such a gift. I think it's like a language and it feeds the soul and it's something that's shared and that's beautiful. So you're playing guitar, and did you feel at that point that you had made it, you fit in, you were very happy, or were there other things that started into the mind of going down the path of addiction?
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:03:26]:
Well, I never fit in. I don't think I fit in today because of certain circumstances in the past, I've been put in positions and places where I think I'm the imposter. So I suffer from imposter syndrome and have done all my life, not to the greatest degree now, where most people know who I am from the tv and books and stuff. But, yeah, but what I found, which was interesting, is when I placed a guitar around my neck, all that went away. So I could literally talk to anybody with guitar on my neck or stand on stage. But you take that guitar away. And I felt naked. And obviously at that early age, I didn't understand what was going on.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:04:06]:
I just know I felt comfortable. So I would literally wear the guitar in the house, mum and dad in the bath sometimes, definitely in the restroom or around the house. So, yeah, the guitar was my main vocal point. And I guess I lost that about 20 years ago when I changed over to public speaking. But, yeah, that was it for me. So everything else apart from that was kind of de minimis as I went through school. It's just as long as I can relate to that, then everything would be okay.
Colette Brown [00:04:39]:
Yeah. And then at what point did you start using substance?
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:04:45]:
Well, I took my first drink at the age of nine in Liverpool. It was around ten after eight. My uncle gave me half a beer because I was nervous going on stage. Probably the first time, if I was being honest. So the first half was horrible. I froze so many people. It was on a big stage. So in the break, my uncle said, here, drink this real quick.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:05:06]:
And I drank it and all my fears went away. So I will always remember that date. Not his fault. See, what people don't understand, because we studied the neuroscience, is that alcoholics are born and drug addicts are made. So from that very first drink. Alcoholism is hereditary. It's passed down from generation to generations. Three parts of the brain that differ in any other addiction.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:05:30]:
So I was always meant to end up with an alcohol, if not alcohol and drug problem as we go along. So that was the pivotal moment that took me down that path. Now, I did have choices for many, many years, but at one point, then the brain is telling me to drink. And that's why alcoholics can go days or weeks without food and water, as long as they have alcohol.
Colette Brown [00:05:53]:
Wow. So that's something interesting. So you said alcoholics, it's genetic and drug. It's created. It's born.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:06:02]:
It is, and there is intensive studies out there from us. So what tends to happen is you can't track drug addiction through families. You might know somebody, a sister or whatever, but you can't trace it back three generations of a disease, first of all, for which there is no cure, and secondly, that the brain is telling us to drink at a certain point. So generational. I'm born with the alcoholic gene, if you want to call it that. But I'm also born with the hypothalamus basal ganglion, the amygdala, that differ from any other addiction. So it puts me in that class that once I'm exposed to alcohol over a period of time, all bets are off. So drug addiction, you can really stop and recover from drug addiction, you can recover from alcoholism, but it's always there.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:06:49]:
So alcoholism is the only illness, first of all, the only self diagnosed illness in the world, as opposed to drugs. And secondly, it's the only illness that carries an allergy. So I'm allergic to the ethanol in alcohol. If they took the ethanol out, which is the good stuff, I wouldn't have a problem. So when that allergy comes to the ethanol, every time I drink it, my mind says something different to anybody else's. Then it becomes an obsession at a certain point, when the hypothalamus changes. The hypothalamus tells children from birth that it must eat and drink water to survive. It's a basic natural instinct from the hypothalamus.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:07:29]:
What happens in no other addiction or disease is over a certain period of that drinking career that we go in, the hypothalamus turns around and tells the alcoholic to drink alcohol despite the circumstances and despite the craziness that we're going to create, the thought pattern towards that and the way the hypothalamus works is it becomes the only thought pattern and the only behavior that we're drawn to and everything else is put aside. That's why I kind of dislike people when they say to me, just stop drinking because of your children. Just stop drinking because you can't do that if you're a real alcoholic. Now, there's a fine line between alcoholics and heavy drinkers. Most people are easy to class them. Oh, he's an alcoholic. He drinks every day. Not true.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:08:17]:
Not true. Ten duis do not make you an alcoholic. A warning from the doctor, it's self diagnosed. Can you stop once you take the first drink? If the answer is yes, and you can't trace three generations back, you are not an alcoholic, even if you want to drink every day. So that's the difference.
Colette Brown [00:08:38]:
Interesting. That's so fascinating, the science behind that. And I think it helps us today to better understand the disease, the genetics, and to help to treat it. So you had an early experience to reduce stage fright, and so you went on to study psychology. And would you say that you studied it because of noticing there was something within you that was bigger than you were, where you couldn't control it, or what was your inspiration for that discipline?
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:09:14]:
Well, I was always intrigued by behavior. So I have two phds, one in psychology, one in behavioral science, which I took about nine years ago online. I'm intrigued by behavior, and I'm intrigued by choices, and I was intrigued by what runs us. Is it the mind or is it the brain that runs us? And if we can control our mind, then can we control our brain? Which turns out to be true. Even Foley talks about that in the past, but, yeah, that's what he first, I don't think it was anything with alcoholism, because nobody said that psychology and mind and all that great stuff has anything to do with alcoholism, because nobody knew, no medical doctor knew a cure for alcoholism. Now, you can't be cured of alcoholism because we carry them, neural pathways that are self sabotaging amongst stuff. So there's no cure for alcoholism, but there's no cure for the common cold or food poisoning. We just need to make sure we take certain steps and behaviors around certain things so we never get it again.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:10:13]:
But I was intrigued. And the more I delved into it, the more I found out that my family was capital d, dysfunctional. Dysfunctional. And the more I went down practicing psychology, behavioral science, the more I found out that everybody's family is slightly dysfunctional, and everybody knows somebody who suffers from an addiction. And if you don't, it's you, it's really you, and you're in denial. So everybody has an addiction to a certain point, whether it's good or bad, that time will tell. But there's no other disease like alcoholism. We involve everybody around.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:10:52]:
It's just like drug addiction.
Colette Brown [00:10:53]:
Yeah, that's such a true point. And I've been touched through family members by this, and it just never ceases to amaze me the power and stronghold that it does have on someone. And I was shocked to learn that when somebody goes through an intervention, I thought oh, it's done. Yay. Hooray. This is great. We're going to get a new start. And that's when it started.
Colette Brown [00:11:25]:
That was when it really started coming down. And it's not easy. And I think the percentage, and you can probably correct me on this, is like, 80% of people that go through rehab never make it.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:11:37]:
The rehabs, there are some great ones. We work with brilliant guys, but most 95% of rehabs, the success rate is 3%. They depend on return customers. Yeah, I mean, I did it myself, and I have patients. I've gone into treatment eight or nine times at the same treatment center, paying the same money, and I'm like, when do you think it's going to work, first of all? And secondly, what treatment centers? What are you doing? You can't charge someone 30 grand, give them a big book of alcoholics, and tell them it's going to be okay, because it's not going to be okay. There's certain things that need to happen. We have a progressive illness. We have a 97% success rate because we assess before we go.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:12:16]:
We're really into the neuroscience, and I'm an alcoholic, so I know on the ground it was homeless for 14 months. But, yeah, the understanding, where do you go? How do you get help? And the gateway drug is childhood trauma. You see, alcohol, Colette, has 1% to do with alcoholism, and the same with drug addiction. It's not the problem. Wow. It's our solution to a certain point, but it's not our problem. You see, I never had a drinking problem, Colette. I had a thinking problem once I realized that.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:12:46]:
That the allergies as they exist, and my neural pathways and there are billions in their head, 85, 90% because of hereditary and everything else that I saw as a child, childhood trauma diverts to self sabotage every single time. It presents itself in all sorts of remarkable ways. So, if child 8910 1112 is used to dad coming home most nights, being drunk, coming in, starting a physical fight with mom, then going to bed, the child learns a few things. First of all, listen for the key in the door. If it goes straight in, it's going to be okay. If it jangles around, you've got to run to safety, because violence is going to happen. So what happens with that child as she grows into a teenager and finally leaves the home and attracts another person to move in or start a relationship? Because that what she saw at home is learned behavior. So she will attract that guy that ends up being an alcoholic and ends up abusing alcohol and ends up beating her to the point that if she did leave and find somebody who's really nice, who really takes care of her, she will self sabotage that relationship.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:13:54]:
So learned behavior is very important. Childhood trauma is very important.
Colette Brown [00:13:57]:
So that's such a great point. And how do we start helping before it becomes a problem? Like what can we look for in children? Because if it's the kids that are saying, I have this situation at home, it's going to perpetuate if the adults aren't on board to fix it. So what have you found in your research of this is something that we can do to reach these children to help stop the addiction cycle?
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:14:28]:
Well, what we do, I mean, just to a certain point, we'll call the authorities. We've not had to in the past, but this is our policy. It's a family illness. So let's say the kids aren't going to come because too young. But dad comes alcoholic, and he tells us it's gone beyond kind of repair. We involve all the families. So if wife doesn't come on board, we will not take the patient. If wife and anybody over the age of 16 in the house does not get on board, we will not take the patient.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:14:55]:
So we kind of assess that everybody must take part. Most places, treatment centers, they have a family once a month. Why? Well, the family goes in and bashes the alcoholic. Well, you did this. And if you did, why are you doing that? Why are you punishing the guy that has a disease that he cannot help his behavior or anything? So we work two days a week with the wife, seven days a week with the husband if he's the alcoholic. And then the children are brought into the mix as well. And it's all learned behavior. What happens is when dad changes, because he does, when they come to us, we've had 97% with just over 8000 patients.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:15:32]:
When dad changes his ways, we take away the alcohol, we get spiritually connected, his dna changes, the behavior goes right through the family. One person can create the environment where there's a happy family and successful family, but unless the actual guy or girl that's suffering from the addiction doesn't change, then again, learned behavior and enmeshment from parents affects that child. So we're really big on that. Well, my daughter, she's 60. I mean, she's on her not taking you unless she's involved. Wife goes, that's nothing to do with me. He's the one that's sick not taking you. You have your own trauma around it.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:16:08]:
Well, I don't have any trauma. Answer me this. Why on several times a week, do you allow your husband to come home and physically beat you in front of your 16 year old girl? Tell me why there's the trauma.
Colette Brown [00:16:18]:
And then what about those children? So you do have a family that's on board and they've seen a lot. Do you work with those children one on one to help repair that damage that they've seen?
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:16:29]:
We do. Our counselors are trained in that we do. Because if you can change learned behavior and enmeshment from an early age, and people ask me all the time, they go, what age should I start talking to my little girl about alcoholism in the family and stuff? Five, six, seven years old. That's where we start. Clips are smart today. You don't need to hide it from them. It needs to come out as not a dark topic for a good topic. So once father's behavior changes, wives will change, children will change around, because all of a sudden the violence and the bad behavior because dad's sober and dna has changed.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:17:03]:
I explained a minute, then the children get well. So it's about approaching the children once a week and taking them through very gently. Not like the adults is not gentle at all in this place. We're very aggressive. What we do. If you don't really on board, then we'll drop you as a patient. I think we're the only people do that. We're definitely the only people in the world that offer a money back guarantee if you don't get well, if you ever relapse again.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:17:26]:
So the whole family is the key. The whole family is working with them through their trauma. Once we go back to the scene of the crime and clear that up, life becomes amazing.
Colette Brown [00:17:37]:
Yeah. And what is your average program length of helping the addicts?
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:17:42]:
Helping the addicts is at least a 90 day to 180 days. 90 day program daily, 1 hour a day with loads of homework and following certain rules and regulations that we're very strict at. So what we do is we change. We reprogram the brain and we reprogram behavior so the behavioral science comes in. Once we do that, the alcohol again and the drugs are not the problem. It's why are you allowing yourself to self sabotage? You see, alcohol, my brain will never to me on a Friday night and go, hey, Rob, this is a great idea. If you have a drink tonight, it doesn't do that. So when I hear people, I relapse last? Uh uh.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:18:25]:
No, go back seven days. Where did your behavior change? Where did your thought pattern around living change. Because disease happens at least a week before the actual pickup of the drink, because it's not about the alcohol. So it's an intense program, 1 hour a day, seven days a week with these guys to get them to change. Because if I'm seeing a therapist once or twice a week, say I go on Monday, and we start to change neural pathways, thought patterns, and behavior, as well as build on trauma. By the time they come back on the Friday that's been lost, what tends to happen every single day is we learn how to live. So the bad guy here is a subconscious brain. Everything we do from birth is stored there.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:19:01]:
Everything. I don't remember this. Yeah, you can. And the stuff you've been through that you've wiped out completely is still there. Still there. So I'll start working on this, which is running the show right now. And the conscious brain is here, back here somewhere. Once we clear this up, or once we redirect on a daily basis, what happens is you walk out the door with the conscious brain the 24 hours.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:19:22]:
But, Colette, have a guess who wakes me up tomorrow morning. Is this subconscious mind? So that's why it's a 24 hours time. That's not an aa thing. Goes well before that is certain parts of the brain reset every 24 hours. Unless they're attended to with a tight routine, you will relapse.
Colette Brown [00:19:42]:
Wow. And when you're talking about the subconscious and conscious brain, are you doing any kind of neuro linguistic programming when you're trying to reset that subconscious?
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:19:54]:
100%. NLP is one of our biggest tools. So we got NLP and we got brain spotting, got psychology, we got behavioral. We've got the normal day life coaching. So, yeah, the only way to change neural pathways is by NLP and brain spotting and then repeated things that we do every day and seeing us every single day, that will change thought patterns away. But, yeah, you have to change neural pathways in a subliminal way, because as my mind and my brain, when I was in alcoholism, were both telling me to kill myself. So I have a disease where the brain wants me dead and make it look like an accident. So that's on a daily thing.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:20:34]:
So you have to change these subliminally. And what we do, I'll give you a few for instances. This is my bedroom, where my office is not there, but if you come to my office, we find out everything about you before you turn up. So we do background checks, we go on your facebook, we discover what you like. So how do we change thought patterns from day one. So the driver will go and get them, they'll bring them to the office. Let's say, for instance, they're a cowboys fan. We know this because we've seen them on Facebook jumping up and down with cowboys shirts on.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:21:03]:
So what we do is we get a cowboy football and we leave it outside as if it was discarded. So he's picking on that straight away. So all of a sudden he feels good, he feels ready, he doesn't know why he feels good, but he does. And as we go through certain motions, as he comes in, before he gets to my office, there's six things that's made him feel comfortable and made us connect the marine part of the brain. They must be Cowboys fans. I'm a Cowboys fan, and this is the obvious stuff. So when they come into the office, they're open, prepared and ready to start. And we've tried and tested everything we've done.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:21:38]:
There was a gentleman in Texas that we saw, and he was a true Texan, a big hat, beautiful guy, the boots and everything. And he drank Dr. Pepper, and he would not drink any other soda because he was from Texas, and Dr. Pepper is the drink from Texas. So we asked him, could we do a little experiment one day soon? And we did a few things round he thought was the experiment, but we took him down and said, hey, we want to drive you around, show you some new offices we're thinking of buying. As we got into the elevator to go down, we planted a girl drinking a Coca Cola out of a can. Just mind her own business. Subconsciously, he sees that.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:22:12]:
We check him outside, he goes on the drive. We passed three billboards that was advertising coke. As he got back to the offices, there were discarded coke can on the side of the grass as if it was being discarded. When he gets back in the lift, there's a guy now drinking Coca Cola. He gets off the elevator, he walks straight in, and my sibling said, what do you want to drink? And he said, give me a Coca Cola. That's how easy it is to change our pathways and behavior around that, but it has to be done subliminally. So, yeah, NLP 100%.
Colette Brown [00:22:43]:
That's fascinating. What does it look like with reentry into. I don't know if they're living with you on site or if they're coming to you and going home, but what does it take? Because I know that once they've gone through a treatment program, it's that day to day when you're in real life situations and work environments, and there's cocktails and you're around other family members in the holidays. And what is it like for someone that suffers with alcoholism? And what can the family members also do to better support them?
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:23:19]:
A lot of is communication, for a start. It's funny because 95% of our work is telehealth and 5% is in office. What we found with telehealth is, and we've been doing this for nine years, long before everybody was a telehealth provider.
Colette Brown [00:23:36]:
Wow.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:23:37]:
Long before COVID Yeah, years before COVID About, I don't know, seven, eight years ago. What we found is when somebody comes on screen, if you know behavioral science and if you can tell if they're lying and what they're doing are the 3000 micro expressions that we look for. That's why I took the second phd in behavioral science. They're sat in their own home. They probably got their pajamas on with a nice t shirt. They're relaxed. You're already 40% in to going into the trauma. Whereas they come in an office, they've showered, they got their hair right, it's clinical.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:24:05]:
They come in, they sit in front of us and they're blocked off. The knees will be crossed, the arms will be told. So what we founded with telehealth is you crash all that completely and you write in from day one of doing the work. And we always tell the fans, of course you have to be on board, but when the wife comes on board, it's her trauma. And when the teenager comes on board, it's her trauma, not dad. We don't discuss dad. Dad's nothing to do with this right now. And communication between everybody, most arguments and most people go away in a hoff about something that was said is miscommunication.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:24:39]:
And text messaging is the worst. For that. We take offense, especially alcoholics and addicts. We're very sensitive people, but we take offense to what somebody says. So what I always say to people is if you heard the nursery rhymes sticks and stones, and they go, oh, yeah, sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Is wrong. Words can destroy us. Destroy us.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:25:03]:
Powerful tool in the world is the tongue followed by the pen. Because we can kill alcoholics for what we say. Everything we say has to be thought about, even general conversation. If I meet you in the street, my job is to make you walk away feeling happy. And I compliment three people every day. I monetary give people five people every day because I can, I monetary bless them. And I face anybody with a frown on my face, that's not my job. My job in the general public, when I meet them, is to bring happiness and let them know that my journey has brought me to this.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:25:42]:
So therefore, your journey can bring you to this. It isn't rocket science, and it's 100% possible that you can fully recover from your addiction or alcoholism.
Colette Brown [00:25:51]:
Yeah, those are beautiful words for whoever's listening that is suffering or knows somebody that's suffering right now. And so if somebody is hearing this, what are three action steps that they need to do today in order to go on a new path?
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:26:11]:
All right, guys, hold on to your seat. I'm going to give you three things that's going to change your life from tomorrow. Impossible not to. Okay, so first thing I always do in the morning when you get up is, well, first of all, one of the reasons is that nobody has ever, ever woken up laughing is lack of oxygen. So when we look at oxygen as a whole, we only breathe 25% of our lung capacity. That's a fact. One of the reasons why we feel so good going to the gym is not the weights and everything. It's this in between sets, because we're getting the oxygen in.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:26:44]:
Okay, so oxygen low during the hours and a normal circadian rhythm. Sleep pattern between two and 05:00 in the morning is when we're at our lowest and repair is at our height. It's also the time frame where most people die of natural causes because the body is at its lowest. So if we only breathe 25% to 30% of our lung capacity, what are we doing with the other 70% is being wasted. We're not having it. We don't think, we don't perform, we don't act on our 100%, we act on our 45%. So if you stand up in the morning before you do anything, and I want us to take ten to start on ten, then 20 next week max, 30, start ten. Exaggerated breath in and out.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:27:28]:
Fill up all the lungs and everything. What we're doing is we're oxygen, every single cell in our body. So now you're going dizzy a little bit while you're doing it, but now your mind's alert, your mind's ready to go, the brain's pumped with oxygen, we're ready to go, everything is ready to go. Walk into the bathroom, look yourself in the mirror from 6ft from the mirror. One of the mistakes that most people make, especially ladies, when they put the makeup on or the guys are shaving. When you're this far away from your face, you see all your flaws. So you go out in the day thinking that all them flaws really matter. When's the last time you went up to somebody go, hey, how are you doing? Good to see you.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:28:05]:
You don't do that. It's usually a few feet away. Stand six foot away from the mirror where all the blemishes will disappear. Look yourself in the eye and say, I love you ten times. I love you, I love you, I love you ten times.
Colette Brown [00:28:20]:
Should you say your name?
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:28:21]:
No, just, I love you, I love.
Colette Brown [00:28:23]:
You, I love you.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:28:24]:
We're storing that subconscious brain that carries all that negativity that you don't love yourself. And a waste of time. The third one. Let's neuropathways. Every day. If you brush your teeth with the right hand, I want you to do one week left, one week right, one week left, one week, just for four weeks, okay? Changes the pattern. If you could change a pattern of a human being you can change the behavior thought pattern of success. Everybody can be successful.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:28:47]:
Whatever that looks like for you. Don't ever anybody tell you you can't. It's a lie. Okay? It's a lie. All my 8000 guys are doing amazing today. What amazing for me is not the money. I'm not rich with the millions of dollars I have. I'm not rich because I'm rich.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:29:03]:
Because four years ago my oldest daughter got back in touch with me after 20 something years and now she's my lead therapist in my Manchester office in the UK. That makes me rich. Everything else pays the mortgage and keeps my wife happy. But for me, I search for the things that make me happy. So why wouldn't I strive for something that you think is not possible? Get out that comfort zone. If you want to be a CEO of a company, let's plan how to do it and let's make sure we hit the road and make sure you get that position. The only reason between the guy on the street sweeping the road and the CEO in the top office is he believed he could do it. And you don't.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:29:40]:
And that's wrong. You don't need a college degree. I mean, if you be a doctor, obviously you do. But if you haven't been to college and you go, well, I need a college degree, that is wrong. Go and speak to the guys that run Amazon, the guys that run Google, go and speak to them guys, they'll tell you wrong. I will tell you wrong. I've never used my five degrees. That I have never used them.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:29:59]:
What runs me is belief that I can do it. When you get in the morning you program your mind. Have you ever heard of the saying mind over matter? Well, the brain matter mind is what runs there. And you can't see it, feel it, touch it, it's energy. So we get up in the morning, we're positive about the oxygen, positive. What the mind is going to tell the brain is today is going to be a successful and great day. What happens is the energy spreads into the brain, and the neural pathways pick that up, and the basal ganglion will pick the behavior up. You'll go out and have a fantastic day.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:30:29]:
It's impossible, but if you get up every day and, oh, God, especially alcoholics in recovery, kids to school, I want to say one thing to you. You get to take the children to school. Watch who you hang around with. Show me your friends, I'll show you your future. If you hang around nine depressed people, you will become the 10th. If you hang around nine successful people, you will become the 10th. It's the mirroring part of the brain that catches it.
Colette Brown [00:30:54]:
I like that. And then what are the telltale signs for those that are with someone that is recovering? And you said it starts seven days before, just a minute ago. So I'm sure that there are signs that we can see that might help us to recognize when someone's kind of slipping.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:31:16]:
The biggest one is they'll cause an argument for no reason at all. I came on once. My slippers are always on the second stair. So I take them off, put them on. On this day, my wife, for whatever reason, put them on the third stair. So being on the third stair, not the second stair, caused an argument, and I went and drank. So look for the cause of the argument for no reason. Look for the unkempt appearance.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:31:39]:
Well, if that doesn't shave for a few days, you'll give away. And the isolation, especially teenagers, if they're isolating in the room 10 hours a day, it's not good. If I see a teenager that sits in his room for nine, 8910 hours straight playing games, he's going to turn out to be an addict, period. Not an alcoholic necessarily, but definitely an addict. So just watch for them. Three things. I mean, the arguments first and then obviously unkept, and then isolation. Isolation kills us.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:32:10]:
Any addiction, it kills. So just watch for that. If you're a kind of family that sits down for dinner every night at 06:00 and, excuse for me, can you bring it to my room? Just keep an eye on that. Just keep an eye on it. Any behavior change from an old, and.
Colette Brown [00:32:25]:
Then how can we approach someone with addiction gently, because, as you said, we need to speak through love. So what's the best way to do that? Either that it's for the first time or they're slipping. What does that dialogue look like?
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:32:44]:
If you're very clever, you'll have one guy around you that can talk to you like nobody else can. And it's kind of a joke and kind of a knock. They're always one of them guys or a really close friend is start the dialogue. I think you drink it too much. Do you? No, I'm good at all. Back away. That's going to linger.
Colette Brown [00:33:01]:
Okay.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:33:02]:
You're one of those guys who can speak to your friend like nobody else can. I can say certain things and get away with it. It's not going to take offense from me. That's your guy. That's your guy who's approaching. Moms and dads come to me all the time and say, hey, Dr. Rob, can you tell me, how do we check on our children? We think he might be taking drugs. First reply, have you checked his room? Oh, no.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:33:22]:
We won't intrude his privacy. I would rather you intrude his privacy than find him dead in his bedroom in seven days. This is a serious matter. Whatever you've got to do, and then what you've got to do is you got to start dialogue. Start serious dialogue. If there's addiction or alcoholism, especially in the family, then you need to have that talk. But be kind. Be loving.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:33:43]:
Don't tell an alcoholic what to do or addict. They'll do the complete opposite. Don't tell them they have to go to treatment. They'll realize. Because one of the biggest things I learned is you're ready, when you're ready, if you can keep planting these loving, kind words. And when you, I feel, is the best, we use it all the time. When you drink alcohol hobby I feel sad. When you drink alcohol, I feel nervous.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:34:09]:
And gently put that over in that format, and sooner or later it always gets worse. It never gets better. Sooner or later, the telltale sounds will come. Remember that old conscious brain. Everything is stored. Them lines are going to come out again and hopefully you'll seek treatment.
Colette Brown [00:34:27]:
That's beautiful, Rob. I really, I really appreciate this time with you. And I have one last question that I ask all my guests. If this was the last message that you had to broadcast out to the world, what would it be?
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:34:42]:
Says who? I'll explain that real quick. You can't do this, Robert. Says who? You can't have a perfect marriage. Says who? You can't go and do that job. Says who? Who's making these rules up because I don't like them. Go out there. Live your life to the full time is precious. You don't have time.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:35:02]:
Date that girl. Buy that car, buy that house. Have the children now. How many times, moms, if you said to the children 1 minute, I sent them off to kindergarten, the next minute is off to college. We don't have time. Do it now.
Colette Brown [00:35:16]:
Beautiful. Thank you. And I want to send people to your foundation, the robkellyfoundation.org. And it's Rob with two B's. And check him out. I'm going to put it in the show notes. And please feel free to reach out. And Rob, do you have an instagram where they can find you? Or LinkedIn? Yeah.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:35:38]:
Go to the website. It's Rob Kelly with two B's. Robbkeloi.com. Go there. All our social medias are there. Come and friend us. Come and do anything you want to do. But I want to say two things real quick.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:35:49]:
If you come and follow us and find your children in need, call us. You can call us a million times a day. There's no cost. We're not after your business. We just want to help you. And secondly, if you're sat at home in an apartment, that's just, you drank yourself to death, or you're drinking yourself death. Sorry. You feel hopeless.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:36:07]:
You feel as if you're not good enough. You feel as if you never amount to anything. First of all, I want to apologize because somebody's put that there. And secondly, 214-60-0210 is my personal cell phone number. You text that number, I'll text back and I will give you a 15 minutes phone call that would change your life. Period.
Colette Brown [00:36:31]:
That's beautiful. Thank you for all you do, for being the bright light that you are, for changing lives. And for every life that you're changing, that is multiplied because every addict is attached to friends, family, loved ones. And I really appreciate what you're.
Dr. Robb Kelly [00:36:49]:
Oh, thank you so much. It's absolute pleasure. Thanks, guys. Thanks for listening.
Colette Brown [00:36:53]:
Thank you, Rob and everyone else. Until next time, be well. You just finished another episode of limitless healing where we dive into all things wellness. If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world to me if you would share it with your friends and family. Together we can plant seeds of hope that leads to transformation in our lives and the lives of those we love. Let's get healthy together.