198. Owning Your Story: HIV, Identity, and the Journey to Emotional Freedom with Author Ronek Patel

In this powerful and deeply moving episode of Limitless Healing, Colette Brown sits down with author and speaker Ronek Patel, who shares his extraordinary journey from being diagnosed with HIV at 19 to becoming a bold voice for healing, identity, and self-acceptance.

Ronek opens up about his early life in a traditional Indian household, his struggles with identity, stigma, and sexuality, and how he ultimately reclaimed his personal power by embracing authenticity. Drawing from attachment theory and positive psychology, he offers insights on how young adults especially in the LGBTQ+ community can protect their mental and emotional wellbeing in relationships and professional settings.

Through raw vulnerability and grounded wisdom, Ronek reminds us that true healing begins with owning our story, creating emotional safety, and refusing to let societal labels define who we are.

Tune in to hear how therapy, self-reflection, and the courage to sit with discomfort helped Ronek write his debut book, I Am Not Your Boy a self-help guide rooted in the power of the inner child, boundaries, and relationship honesty.

Episode Highlights:
00:48 - Ronek shares a childhood memory that sparked his love for movement and independence
05:12 - From academic struggles to college overachievement and starting a public speaking career
06:30 - Living with HIV: shame, secrecy, and finding strength in vulnerability
08:54 - Navigating fluid sexuality and social stigma in both heterosexual and gay communities
12:00 - The inspiration behind his book I Am Not Your Boy
13:33 - Unequal power dynamics in relationships and the hidden dangers of age gaps
16:45 - Why therapy helped him reconnect with his truth and how he found emotional clarity
18:30 - The four essentials of healthy relationships: love, support, trust, and belonging
21:40 - How surface-level friendships keep us stuck 
24:00 - The importance of stillness, solitude, and sitting with your own thoughts
27:12 - Vulnerability with family: Telling his parents about his HIV status and identity
30:55 - Ronek’s message to anyone afraid to say no or set boundaries
33:00 - Final reflections on confidence, identity, and the power of showing up as your full self

Learn more about Ronek Patel:

 📘 I Am Not Your Boy is available on Amazon - I Am Not Your Boy and Barnes & Nobel I Am Not Your Boy
 

Website: https://www.imnotyourboy.com/home-page

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theronekpatel/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61572605307942

______________________________________

Connect with Colette:

Instagram: @wellnessbycolette

Website: love-colette.com

Thank you for listening to the Limitless Healing podcast with Colette Brown! It would mean the world if you would take one minute to follow, leave a 5 star review and share with those you love!

In Health,
Colette

Transcript

 [00:00:00] Our next guest has faced and overcome significant life challenges since his HIV diagnosis at 19. Drawing from principles of positive psychology and attachment theory, he advocates for young adults to assert their voices in challenge, age based. Dominance in professional environments. Stay tuned as we dive into his remarkable journey and insights.

 Please welcome the inspiring Ronek Patel. Welcome Ronek. 

Ronek Patel: Thank you so much for Colette for having me. I'm so excited to be here. 

Colette Brown: It's great to have you. One thing I'd like to do, because we need to get into you and your life and what brought you to where you're at today, but the first thing I'd like you to do is take us back to a childhood memory that might have made an impact on where you're at today or something significant that has just impacted you.

Ronek Patel: That's a great question. In childhood memory, do you ask [00:01:00] all of your interviewers this? 

Colette Brown: I do. Yeah. And also where were you in the world? 

Ronek Patel: Okay. Okay. I would say a childhood memory that impacts me, probably not the most, but just sticks with me. Was, I was in grade school in fifth grade and the elementary school was right up the street from my house.

So it's silly to take a bus to go to school 'cause it's just right there. So I would walk there and I was part of the Mile High Club in fifth grade. And so before classes started, I would go to the track. We'd run a whole mile we'd get like this foot for a key chain and. I loved doing that.

That was a favorite part of my day at school. 

Colette Brown: How smart was your school for running kids? Before they got in the classroom 

Ronek Patel: and then they're all exhausted by the time we get back in, 

Colette Brown: work out the energy.

Ronek Patel: But there was one time in particular that I did the mile. Then I walked home. I didn't go to class [00:02:00] that day. 

Colette Brown: Oh. 

Ronek Patel: And I totally skipped school. And my mom was like, what are you doing? And she like dragged me back into school. But I just remember just only focusing on that mile, and I was so dead from that mile I just didn't care about anything else. 

Colette Brown: So was this voluntary or? It was mandatory. It was. 

Ronek Patel: It was totally, but it was like a big ego thing because I wanted as many of those book key chains as I possibly could have. So even if I didn't feel like going to school, I still made it to that mile.

Colette Brown: Do you still have any of those feet left today? 

Ronek Patel: No, I should, I wish I did. That was my little, 

Colette Brown: Your mom probably slowly trickled them out of your room as you aged.

Ronek Patel: I know. 

Colette Brown: We can get rid of these now. 

Ronek Patel: I know, 

Colette Brown: right? Okay. And then where were you? 

Ronek Patel: I was in Torrington, Connecticut. So it's like the northwest corner of the state.

We didn't grow up with very much money, so it was a very blue collar part of the state. It's. It's funny 'cause the area itself is beautiful. It's just where all the [00:03:00] blue collar people work for all the wealthy people around us. 

Colette Brown: Okay. 

Ronek Patel: So it was always a running joke. Torrington is not the greatest, but we didn't grow up with very much money and I actually loved growing up there.

Colette Brown: Okay, beautiful. It's a beautiful state, really. 

Ronek Patel: Oh, it really is. 

Colette Brown: Yeah. Yeah. 

Ronek Patel: You've been to Connecticut, you know what it's like here. 

Colette Brown: I actually love it. It's gorgeous. I just don't understand why real estate is the same price as Los Angeles, because you guys know have cold weather. 

Ronek Patel: I know,

Colette Brown: I understand paying for warm weather, but 

Ronek Patel: I will say Colette, like being a homeowner and in the winter months, I don't have to worry about watering the yard or mowing the grass, all year round. It's a nice little break. 

Colette Brown: you can get to Europe faster. 

Ronek Patel: Exactly. Although you can get to Hawaii and Australia faster, 

Colette Brown: yeah, exactly. That's true. That's true. We have that for us. Oh, okay. You have a great childhood it sounds like. And so what led you into college? And I wanna lead up to your [00:04:00] experience. Who were you, what were you doing? before the experience at 19 happened? 

Ronek Patel: Yeah.

I grew up with a very traditional, stereotypical Indian household. Where the expectations are really high. They expect you to go to school, they expect you to have good grades. Now, in high school and middle school, I just wasn't the greatest student. I would skip class a lot. I wasn't that motivated in class and I just wasn't getting the highest grades.

But what my mom always pushed us to do was still persevere, still go to school. Still make it happen. And so it was always an expectation for us to go to college. Went to college and did great in college. I was also a big overachiever in school. It was like night and day. I was taking seven classes.

I had two part-time jobs. I had a full-time internship. I was just making it all work. And I graduated a year early. I Studied abroad in Australia. So it was just night and day from [00:05:00] when I entered college from when I was in high school. But. It was really amazing to see my mom really energized by how well I was doing, and then that was almost addicting.

And I did so many different things in my life. when I was a senior in college, I started my own public speaking business and I would speak at schools nationwide talking about HIV because I was diagnosed my freshman year in college and That didn't pan out the way I would like it to have.

Being just recently graduating college and making it on my own. It just wasn't paying the bills enough. So then I went into corporate America and then I fast forward to today, wrote a book during that time, and now I'm going back to what I started back in college. 

Colette Brown: Making a difference, putting your message out there and.

You wrote a book. And it's really fascinating because we had a sidebar [00:06:00] conversation about it, but it's called I Am Not Your Boy, and why don't you tell us what inspired that and we'll get into more of the meat of the book. 

Ronek Patel: Yeah, no, of course. The biggest thing that's inspiring of it is the same reason why I started the public speaking business in college was I was hearing a lot of my peers saying so many scary things, and I kept my mouth shut about it because who was I to say anything about it?

And also, in college, people didn't know my HIV status, like people would say they would have unprotected sex in front of me and I would just squirm inside and I didn't say anything about it. And even today I see so many situations that people get themselves into and not even realizing they're in this situation and it really bothers me, but I let them go on their own path, just like my therapist does to me.

But there's inherent dangers when we are not looking at the potential [00:07:00] risks of stepping into certain situations. And that's why I made this book because I saw so many people going through so many scary times where I'm like, there's a red flag there. There's danger signs ahead. And. They don't have to listen to all the warnings, but just seeing what potential risks are out there and how to really avoid them.

I have seen so many people take on a cleaner, safer path once they see those trigger points. 

Colette Brown: Yeah. So why don't you tell us if you're comfortable sharing about. How you think you contracted the HIV and that time in your life where you were a little confused and which is so normal for everybody.

I don't think I know of many high schoolers, especially that. Are rock solid in who they are. There's that waning and the peer pressure and [00:08:00] who am I and the influence of now social media, that's different from when I was growing up. Tell us a little bit more about that time in your life.

Ronek Patel: Yeah, and I am totally comfortable sharing about anything. I am, quite honestly an open book. And so when in high school. The way I contracted HIV was, it was definitely through sex, but I was a bit confused. As to who I was really sexually attracted to men or women. And up until this point I was with both men and women.

 Back in college, early in college and high school, a lot of people made fun of how feminine I was and I was with women, and I had a girlfriend, but people would still make fun of how feminine I was and saying that I was gay and whatever . And how I wasn't accepting of that. I never really, truly felt gay, and that's why I struggled with trying to come out to that because I never felt it was my true identity.

I experimented in college [00:09:00] and contracted HIV I don't know who I got it from, whether it's men or women, but I did tell everyone I had sex with prior and. then, once I found out my HIV diagnosis, I just went down the path of being a gay man because I just found it more acceptable in that community than it would be with women.

And I was already receiving so much stigma with sexual encounters and intimacy and partners with HIV at this point, because this was. This was a long time ago. I was 19. And to try to tell someone that you're intimate with that you have HIV and you could possibly infect them at that time we didn't know enough then was scary.

Now we know that we can't actually give it 'cause you're undetectable and the meds are amazing and the meds were really good back then too, but we just didn't have enough research. Fast forward a decade after that I was [00:10:00] so uncomfortable and out of living in this gay world because I just wasn't fully satisfied.

I wasn't satisfied sexually. I didn't find the most meaningful connections with men. I just, I couldn't possibly feel. My full self. And so I took a bold step to date women again, and it's harder to go from a gay man to being with women. Because first off, people have been so accustomed to you living this kind of life.

You go down this path of living this sort of life, and now you're just exploding that little definition or identity of you. And that was really tough. 

Colette Brown: Do you think that any of your friends at the time shunned you because of that? Or thought that maybe you were confused or were they accepting of it?

Ronek Patel: Colette, I think honestly, people like me better as a gay man for many reasons.

But, and I think it's mostly like women feel just not as 

Colette Brown: so you feel very comfortable with the gay man around. 'cause they don't have to worry [00:11:00] about anything The gay best friend. Yeah, 

Ronek Patel: exactly. Exactly. And there's so many other scenarios too. That especially.

But I think I think there's a lot of judgment that looms. The lot of the stereotypes are like, oh, you'll go back to men, or you'll, you're just going through a little phase or you are you're truly a gay man and you just don't know it yet, or there's a lot of stigmas. And the thing is, it's really for me to decide. And I don't think a lot of people fully understand that. And I wouldn't take these steps or I wouldn't have taken these steps. Had it not been for something I truly wanted, it's so much easier being a gay man. 

Than to try to be into this new identity. But that's also not the reason why I wrote this book. This book, I Am Not Your Boy really is geared towards relationships. Not necessarily the gay community, but it's not why I wrote it. It's not trying to transition people to a different identity.

It's just trying to [00:12:00] pinpoint. How you can work on your inner child and really discover what you truly want and be confident and authentic in that message of yours. And that's why I really made a self-help book to help people do that. And my journey might be different than others, but it's just a way for you to understand yourself more, 

Colette Brown: which we need because there are so many things that.

Inadvertently happened, intentionally happened in childhood that we suppressed. That true inner child. And we didn't nurture that. And it's that reconnecting with. Who we were. Who we are, and being able to nurture that and love it. So I, I like that. And I wanna bring it back though, because we did talk about something else which was a fascinating dynamic, which was, you said, in the heterosexual world where there's a relationship with a young woman and [00:13:00] an older man that if something foul.

Is amiss then, or comes to play? They'll be called out. And they can be called out and they will chastise the man and say, how dare you, this woman. But in the gay community it's a little different. 

Ronek Patel: It's not, 

Colette Brown: why don't you tell us about that? 

Ronek Patel: Yeah, it's sometimes it is, don't get me wrong but in the straight world it is easily called out.

There's. terms like gold diggers. There's a controlling dynamic. There's men who are manipulating, there's men who only are with younger women and men get stigmatized for that in the straight world and the gay world, not necessarily because they're, it's much more common to have. Bigger age gap differences in the gay world.

And not to say that's a good or a bad thing. But there are some situations where it's just not okay. Sometimes you have an old man [00:14:00] preying on young men and it's an actual predator situation and it may not even seem like it because it's so commonly accepted in the gay world to have older men. Be with younger men, that it just totally surprises us. And there's so many situations where older men can take advantage of young men by controlling them, by manipulating them, by gaslighting them, by, love bombing them and controlling them, and so young men need to find that security to be in that vulnerable situation because it really is a vulnerable situation, and young men may not feel the need or even see the need to create that kind of safety.

With women, it's inherent in women. You are protecting yourself. You are protecting your body. You might be more. I don't know, you might be more responsible with sex, you might be more responsible for certain [00:15:00] situations where you're creating that kind of safety. It's almost ingrained in women to create that safety where men we might not instinctively know to create that safety.

Colette Brown: So it's really an interesting dynamic and I like the way that you phrased it, that. It doesn't necessarily mean all the time, and it doesn't mean, right or wrong, but it just means that how it's viewed and perceived. And I also have to say that's such I think it's beautiful that you were able to push through all the noise and experiences in your life and come back home to you.

Ronek Patel: Yeah. 

Colette Brown: To what you truly are. But you came back to this is who I am and you were bold enough to come out and say that and and own that. 

Ronek Patel: Yeah. And I think a lot of times we just end up choosing our destiny. Based on other people.

Based on the person that we want to love us or based on the person that we think we love. And then [00:16:00] that chooses our future and that chooses what we end up having. And. For so much of my life, I let that be the guiding force to my relationships because I was still under this premise that I have HIV I can only take love for people who are accepting of that.

So once I transitioned out of this. Follower mentality and took a more leadership role in my own life and into my own relationships and in my own mental wellbeing. I started deciding for myself what I wanted and then I was able to take on what aligned with that. It's just how the universe works.

You put out what you really want and you end up receiving it. It's actually incredible how that works. 

Colette Brown: What was the journey like writing the book for you? 

Ronek Patel: Oh my God, it was a lot. 

Colette Brown: Yeah, I'm sure it was. I'm sure you probably, yeah. Tell us about it. 

Ronek Patel: Yeah, so I go to therapy every single week [00:17:00] and I've been going to therapy for the past five years and, thank goodness I have him as an anchor throughout that whole process because it was super emotional. It was super vulnerable, going through all of the work of putting yourself out there the way I did. Now, it's not a memoir. I do share examples of my own life, but I do that. Because I want people to be vulnerable in their own head.

And what's great about a book format is that they're doing it in their own minds. So when I was writing it, I was just super emotional. I was reliving a lot of my past experiences and. It was a lot of work trying to put on paper what I was conveying. And my editor and I went back and forth for months after I had a really good manuscript set up and we ended up creating this amazing book.

And I'm super proud of it. And just writing it was a journey, but now getting it out there is a different kind of [00:18:00] journey that I've been really enjoying. And seeing how it can make an impact. really energizes me. I'm sure Colette. You do a lot of incredible things for people.

It's addicting, it's contagious, and it's really amazing to see, your work really impact people, right?

Colette Brown: Yeah. It is. It's amazing when you have somebody come back and say. That one thing that you said just hit home with me, and it could be three years after you said that one thing, or after they read your book and they'll come back and you'll never know.

A lot of people don't even say anything, I think that's a message for everyone listening. You never know the work that you're doing and how it's impacting someone in the world. You just, you don't and it is, 

Ronek Patel: I wish more people would be open about that. It would make things a lot easier.

Colette Brown: Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Make that comment, like that post give us feedback, it really matters. It really does.

Ronek Patel: It does. 

Colette Brown: It really does. [00:19:00] Yes. So I, I wanna say that the. Story and the meat of your book . The inspiration is truly healthy relationships, and that starts with you.

Ronek Patel: Yes. 

Colette Brown: So if somebody's listening, what would you say are three things that you could think off the top of your head these are the most important three things that you could do for yourself today. To have a healthy relationship, whether it's starting within or with a partner or a person in your life.

Ronek Patel: Yeah. So before I hit on three things is I have to say everyone needs to have four things in their life. Love, support. A sense of belonging, and trust. Those four are imperative to anyone. Now how to get that is up to you. But knowing that you need all four, love, support, a sense of [00:20:00] belonging, and trust, knowing that you need all four, trying to find the healthiest way to have each one of those buckets filled.

And so knowing what sense of belonging means to you, knowing what trust means to you, knowing what love means to you. All of those really take some work to figure out, like how does that fully satisfy us? Now I would say some of the things that I think, so three ways to do that as recommendations or advice, it varies on the person, of course.

But. I strongly think that people really need to assess the current situation that they're in. They may seem super happy, they may seem super content with everything that's happening in their life, but maybe that one bucket isn't being fully satisfied. 

And why can't we have everything fully satisfied?

So to really dig in to see, alright, is my husband or wife making me happy? [00:21:00] Is my partner or my life making me happy? Is the people that are giving me all four actually my romantic partner, or is it a family friend or is it a close friend of mine? Is it. Someone that you aren't spending as much time with, and maybe you probably should because they're satisfying all four of those buckets and you're not prioritizing.

So I would say one, really sit down and delve into everything that you're in right now. That's one of the biggest advice I can give to anyone. Because when I first went to go to therapy, I thought I was the happiest person alive. I had a million friends. I was hosting parties, everyone seemed to like me and it was a really great time.

And then I realized all of this was surface level relationships. It wasn't something that was deep or meaningful, and it wasn't really. Aiding me to my success, but I digress. I think the other thing too is to really be [00:22:00] confident in what you want. And that's so much harder to do than it is to say, right?

And live in your own conviction. Who cares what people think? And I know it's so easy to say but. I have to say once you really are confident in what you want and how you're gonna get it and what makes you happy, the world becomes a completely different place. It's incredible.

It really changes so instantly. And I think that's three. Is that two, or is that three? I'm just rambling. There's so many thoughts. 

Colette Brown: You gave us the four points and then you gave us the belonging and trust and examining relationships.

 And go to therapy. 

Ronek Patel: Go to therapy. It's really great. 

Colette Brown: I think we have 20, 

Ronek Patel: I go every single week, 

Colette Brown: 20 tips 

Ronek Patel: And even people are like, why do you go every week? Do you really have [00:23:00] something to say every week? And I was like, I might not, but it resets me. 

Colette Brown: Interesting. Interesting. 

Ronek Patel: Really does. 

Colette Brown: Yeah.

And then, so what was that like then going when you thought you were happy and what was it that made you unveil that? There's something going on here. All these people around me, the time I'm spending it's just not meaningful. 

Ronek Patel: Yeah. I think what, for me at least the reason why I went to therapy was my dad passed away at the time.

And I had no emotions. I really wasn't sad, I wasn't happy. I just felt indifferent. 

Colette Brown: Wow. 

Ronek Patel: And I. Didn't understand why, and I felt like that was going to bite me later on. I'm like, I should be sad. I should feel some sort of emotion around this. And I was feeling nothing. At his wake and his funeral, I didn't cry on the day that [00:24:00] he passed, I didn't cry.

I was just going through the emotions and the logistics of moving forward with everything that. I felt numb to it and it never really hit me. And so I went to therapy and I was like, there's gotta be a reason why I'm not feeling this. And then turns out there were so many things about my relationships that weren't satisfying that we worked through.

And we're still working through of course. But that's what triggered it. It wasn't because I was in a bad relationship with myself. I then later. came to know that. But it was just my dad passed. I was feeling nothing. What's going on? 

Colette Brown: Yeah. It's self-awareness too. That you caught that and saw that, and then how, you said it's been five years since you've been going.

Ronek Patel: Yeah. Every week. 

Colette Brown: Every week for five years. That's inspiring. And what do you tell the people if they haven't been able to find [00:25:00] that therapist? Because I know that's an issue when you go somewhere and it's just not a fit. What would you, what advice would you give? 

Ronek Patel: Yeah, a therapist is always easily accessible, right?

And I totally understand it. But I don't think a lot of people give themselves enough rewards and also they aren't. Good enough to themselves. And what I mean by that is saying just know that happiness, it's something that you need to work at. 

It just doesn't normally happen easily. for example, there's dopamine rushes, what are some cheap dopamine rushes?

Cheap dopamine rushes could be pornography, it could be bad food. It could be not sleeping enough. It could be not working out. Just those little like dopamine hits that make you feel good, but they don't actually serve you. They're not actually benefiting your health.

They're not benefiting your happiness, they're not benefiting your core wellbeing. They're just cheap dopamine rushes. So recognizing that happiness isn't [00:26:00] something that just happens, it's something you have to work at every day. 

Colette Brown: Yes. That's so true. And I love Joe Dispenza when he talks about people that are stuck in these ruts.

 How it just triggers the release of dopamine of other things that your body is just addicted to. And the cortisol, like when you're in that fight or flight and the cortisol rush and Your body's addicted to it, and therefore, it addicts your personality and who you are, how you show up in the world, how you don't show up for yourself, and it's this trickle down effect.

So I think people listening, understanding, What is it that you could do in your life? Examine something and I like to say start small. You don't have to go in and conquer the world at once. Whether it's diet, lifestyle, friendships, relationships. Just go in [00:27:00] and just sit there with yourself and examine.

And what would you say to people that. Have never been able to sit alone. Like those, the types that could never sit still for a second, especially alone. 

Ronek Patel: It's funny before I answer that, I have to admit to you, Colette, there was a time where there was one day I was just like sitting and I was looking for food and I came across your granola and I was like.

This is perfect. I was so tempted to reach for ice cream and I don't even have ice cream in the house, but I was gonna drive to the grocery store just to have something and then it came across your granola and I'm like, I'm saved. 

Colette Brown: I'm happy I could save you. 

Ronek Patel: it was like those little things, right?

Yeah. 

Colette Brown: Yes, exactly. 

Ronek Patel: And it's just having those weakness moments. So ask me again what that question was, because I just really got derailed by your granola. Yeah, and I got into a little bit of a fantasy with it. 

Colette Brown: That's okay. I like that. That's a little commercial. Okay. So those [00:28:00] people that just can't be alone.

They just, they can't. Sit alone. If they are alone, they've got TV going, they've got whatever. Like they, they just can't sit and go inside and just be quiet for a minute. 

Ronek Patel: Yeah. I've struggled with that a lot. 

Colette Brown: Okay. 

Ronek Patel: And it's because, I don't know, I live alone. I own a house on my own. I've always been a lone wolf when it came to a lot of things in my life. When I found out I was HIV positive, I didn't tell people for three, four years afterwards. And like when I went to school in Australia, I was so far removed from a lot of my friends back home that I was really on my own. Even when I was alone, I didn't really sit in my own thoughts alone.

I always found outside validation, I always found other people to help satisfy this void that I would feel alone. I would always be in relationships. I would [00:29:00] always be friendly with everyone. I would always be social. Once you really sit alone, it is super emotional and it is super hard.

Just like fully swallowing that you have to take care of yourself. 

Colette Brown: Yeah. 

Ronek Patel: And it's so emotionally difficult. It's so emotionally difficult and not enough of us do it. 

Even if you're in a happy relationship. Sitting alone in your thoughts, sitting alone in your own self. That's the best way you can read yourself.

That's the best way to really know who you are. What are you gonna do? Rely on other people to tell you who you are? Are you gonna ask around for people to be like, what am I really instead of actually knowing for yourself. So you really do have to sit and alone in your thoughts and in your own world and be like, who am I?

Colette Brown: Yeah. That's so good. And I have another question. So what was it like [00:30:00] speaking of you didn't tell anyone for a couple of years? When did you tell your parents and what was that like? 

Ronek Patel: So that was a lot. It was a lot. it was like a bomb because I didn't just tell 'em I was HIV positive.

 I told them at that point that I was gay. And that also, here's my significantly older partner at the time. And so it was all three at once and so my mom. I still remember how calm she was, and she is such a traditional, stereotypical Indian mother in so many ways. so then I was afraid of what she would really say to me and what her judgment was, or what she was going to really, tell me what to do.

And she was like, it's not like you're gonna die. And I was like, yeah, you're right. It's not. Yeah. And. I was just amazed at how she just handled it. 

Colette Brown: Yeah. 

Ronek Patel: And it was so different than what I was [00:31:00] expecting. My sisters were a little emotional. They were like what, what has been going on?

What have you been doing all this time? And asking all these questions. And I was like there's questions I don't really even need to answer, but I answered as much as I could. Or really wanted to. So that was interesting. B ut I also didn't feel like I really needed to, 'cause at that point I was really handling a lot of my life on my own.

It was just easier telling them, because I now didn't have to hide my medication. They can understand why I was emotional about certain things. And then what my trigger points were. It was nice telling them because. I felt more myself around them. I wasn't hiding that part of my identity from them.

But it was difficult. There is power in being vulnerable. There is power in showing people your full, authentic self. Now, do you need to do what I did and put it all out in a book? No. It's not [00:32:00] easy one.

Colette Brown: Of course. 

Ronek Patel: It's really important to have boundaries, especially with people who might not accept you for who you are.

And why should you share that part of your life with them if they're just not going to really cater to your needs, wants and desires. 

Colette Brown: Yeah. one of my favorite things or sentences is no is a complete sentence.

Ronek Patel: I like that. No is a complete sentence. You're absolutely right.

Colette Brown: Yes. Instead of no because blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it is just, and I've had to practice that in my life because I am such a giver and just to say no, and then nothing. I just, it's almost like I have to put invisible tape over my mouth and just stand there and just be so uncomfortable with the silence because I excuse myself away and not hurt anyone's feelings and yeah. But being able to own yourself. And what you feel, what you believe [00:33:00] what you want is very empowering. 

Ronek Patel: Yeah. And for people pleasers saying no is really hard.

Colette Brown: It's really hard. 

Ronek Patel: You and I are both people pleasers.

Colette Brown: Yeah. 

Ronek Patel: And it is so difficult. 

Colette Brown: It is, it is. But it feels so good when you can tap in and own. Own the ability to say no and to know yourself, which is another one of my favorite quotes by Socrates. Know thyself. Because once you do know yourself, then you can show up in the world in such a different way.

And

Ronek Patel: so true 

Colette Brown: to your earlier point with confidence. Confidence is the most attractive thing. And how can you be confident when you don't know who you are? 

Ronek Patel: How can you, 

Colette Brown: yeah, 

Ronek Patel: how can you? And saying no, and even people who say sorry, why sorry. All the time. 

It's a habit sometimes that we fall into. And it could come from an insecurity, it could come from not being confident or authentic. 

Colette Brown: Yes. yeah, the not wanting to hurt [00:34:00] anyone's feelings category, I identify as well. 

Ronek Patel: And also like in relationships and in dating, I mean women are skilled at this because they've dealt with it all their lives.

Just creepy guys hitting on them or people they don't want hitting on them and just saying no to them. Men might not be the greatest at it because it's not always every day that we are. told compliments. 

Colette Brown: Exactly. Exactly. It's different, right? 

Ronek Patel: So sometimes even men have a problem saying no, even though they probably should.

Colette Brown: This has been amazing and I'd like to ask you one more question that I ask all my guests as we get towards the end, which is, if this was the last message that you had to broadcast out to the world, what would it be? 

Ronek Patel: Oh, that's a really tough question. 'cause there's so much.

There's so many. There's so many things. One last message. I would say,

Be vigilant. Power through the things [00:35:00] that, bring you happiness and fight and just really fight. Yeah. It's not easy. Things aren't always just given to us. Things don't always fall on your lap. And when they do, yeah, it's amazing and it's great.

But some of the best rewards, some of the best things we have is because we're vigilant and we fight for it. 

And it's not easy, but. Keep at it. 

Colette Brown: I like that. I love that. So please check out Ronek's book. I Am Not Your Boy, and for those of you watching, he's holding it up. And why don't you tell people where they can find you and your book.

Ronek Patel: Yeah. So the book is available at Barnes and Noble and on Amazon. 

Colette Brown: Congratulations. 

Ronek Patel: And so thank you. It's been really amazing. 

Colette Brown: Amazing.

Ronek Patel: You can follow my Instagram page at theronekpatel or my Twitter or my Facebook page. I put up some short videos of myself, some short relationship guidance books [00:36:00] every week.

And I have events that I go to and I post and I announce them all on there. But I really hope you'll check out the book. Just, I guarantee there is a message in there for you. And it helps resonate with women, with men, with people in relationships, people finding their own happiness or even understanding other people.

I've had so many parents say, I did not understand my, what my kid was going through, or how I can help them navigate things in life to. adults just being like, I didn't realize how much of a predator I was or how my actions impacted other young adults and how young adults found some power in it.

But I digress. So it's available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, and you can follow my social media handle at theronekpatel. 

Colette Brown: Okay. Thank you so much. I appreciate your time and coming and 

Ronek Patel: thank you 

Colette Brown: being so vulnerable and [00:37:00] sharing your story and from a pure heart wanting to help others that's where your message comes from.

So please check out Ronek and his book, I'm Not Your Boy. I think it's very inspiring. Thank you so much. 

Ronek Patel: Thank you so much, Colette, for having this platform for people like me to share their thoughts, and I'm so excited to be on your show and just share my book with you and share my book with your audience.

I thank you for all the work that you do. 

Colette Brown: Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you, Ronek. All right. And everyone else, if this inspired you, please share it with your friends, and until next time, be well.