Tales of Leadership
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Tales of Leadership
Episode 101 Tales of Leadership with Ron Stotts
Dr. Ron Stottz shares his transformational journey from Marine Corps service to becoming a mindfulness-based leadership coach who helps executives access higher states of consciousness and leadership effectiveness.
• Leadership is about supporting and bringing out the best in everyone, not being in front
• Personal development must happen alongside professional development to become an extraordinary leader
• Leaders often reach plateaus when they haven't addressed childhood wounds or disconnected parts of themselves
• The breath is our most trusted guide and advisor for developing self-awareness and mindfulness
• "Big Mind" allows leaders to access optimal solutions through present awareness rather than effortful thinking
• Higher consciousness in leadership creates workplace environments that positively impact employees' home lives
• Self-love and self-kindness are foundational to loving and supporting others effectively
• True leadership requires an open heart and mind, with neurological development that accesses our highest potential
• Authentic leadership means showing up as one integrated self rather than compartmentalizing work and home personas
• Building a proper foundation allows leaders to create lasting impact without eventually crumbling
Challenge yourself tonight or tomorrow with intentional breathing exercises: three seconds in, pause, three seconds out, pause, and repeat for two to three minutes.
Connect with Ron Stotts: -Website: ronstotts.com
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My Mission: I will end toxic leadership practices by equipping leaders with transformational leadership skills.
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You're listening to the Tales of Leadership podcast. This podcast is for leaders at any phase on their leadership journey to become a more purposeful and accountable leader what I like to call a pal. Join me on our journey together towards transformational leadership.
Speaker 2:All right team, welcome back to the Tales of Leadership podcast. I am your host, josh McMillian. I'm an active duty army officer. I'm an army leadership coach. I am the founder of McMillian Leadership Coaching and I am on a mission to end toxic leadership, and I plan to do that. My vision is to possibly impact 1 million lives in the next 10 years by sharing transformational stories and skills. At the end of the day, I want to create more purposeful, accountable leaders what I like to call a pal and on today's episode I am bringing you a purposeful, accountable leader Dr Ron Stotz.
Speaker 2:Dr Ron Stotz is a three-time bestselling author. He has a PhD in psychology. He is a former Marine. He has created his own successful coaching business. But one thing that I love about Ron is his mindfulness, and I think that is one of the critical pillars that is missing today within leadership, because we're always focused on going now, now, now, now, but we never stop to truly allow the information to marinate so we can make the best informed decision, so we can go out and be our true selves. That is the biggest takeaway that I've gotten from this episode, but I don't want to spoil it for you. As always, stay to the very end, and I will provide you the top three takeaways from this episode. Let's go ahead and bring on Ron. Ron, welcome to the Tales of Leadership podcast. It's an honor to have you on.
Speaker 3:Thanks Joshua. I appreciate it, Looking forward to it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I always love ending my day work day kind of coming in and being able to decompress, ending my day workday kind of coming in and being able to like decompress. For me, podcasting is really a form of kind of just being able to decompress.
Speaker 3:But I think a great way just to start is to provide an overview to listeners of who you are A bit of an overview. Well, in terms of work, I'm an executive coach. I work with people who are moving into leadership or they're ready to evolve. They're really ready to take their life and leadership up to the next level. And a lot of the people I work with they kind of led their life and gotten to a certain level, and generally quite successfully, but now they're feeling stuck or they're excited to move into that next level but not quite sure how to do it. And that's really where I come in.
Speaker 2:I love that. I think I'm very early on in kind of the journey that you've been on your entire life. That's one of my passions in life too is to help leaders kind of break through plateaus. I share it from a slightly different point of view because I think that veteran suicide plays directly into the quality of leader that we have and I know that I think based on your story. I'm interested to hear that if you're willing to share within your experience in the Marine Corps. But before we even start, I would love to hear your definition of leadership, because you've written what three books at this point.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, you know, leadership for me really isn't about being in front, it's about supporting and bringing out the best in everyone. And you can really do. Leadership can come from any level. You know, I certainly saw it when I was in. You know, I was a world-class athlete, rower and you know just, we had a great coach and yet I could see within the team as we helped each other. And then when I was in the Marine Corps, I really saw.
Speaker 3:You know, I was a private and just trying to figure things out and yet just by taking action, by having perspective, by supporting the others and doing their best, you become a leader. I remember this one big, heavy set kid that you know, by the time we got to advanced training, had lost probably, you know, 80 pounds or something you know. So his skin was hanging off of him. But I remember just supporting him and supporting people that didn't feel like they had what it took to become a good Marine and be part of the company, just bringing them in and having them recognize what they could contribute, who they were.
Speaker 2:I think that's one of the rare characteristics nowadays, especially with a leader being able to show other people what they're truly capable of. Because I think when we think of what leadership is now, we always think that we have to be in front and model the way consistently. But I think one of the most powerful tools that a leader can have is to kind of step back and allow other people to really fully embrace who they are and just help support them along the way. I've never heard that. I absolutely love that.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, even you know, I've run corporations and that type of thing, and I find that, you know, if I think I'm the leader and I'm in front, then I've got to figure out everything, I've got to anticipate what's coming, I've got to make all the plans, I've got to make sure everything is going to work perfectly, and that's exhausting the amazing qualities that the people that you're working with have, and so I learned early on it's like have them, you know, bring them up into the leadership position and really be working as a team, collaborating, cooperating, and really create a level of trust and supportiveness where we feel like we're doing something that's worthwhile and having a good time doing it.
Speaker 2:I love it. I'm already going to love this episode. My wife always gets mad at me because I say I love it all the time. Start off on your leadership journey. Where did that start for you?
Speaker 3:Well, I think it did start primarily in the Marine Corps. I just really found myself naturally. I'd been raised in the woods. I mean I'd leave my house and go across the street into the woods when I was three or four and come out at five o'clock for dinner. So I had a lot of natural abilities to be out in nature and so it was just really comfortable for me to guide others in that journey as we were running around in the woods and playing Marine.
Speaker 2:So you joined the Marine Corps in 1967. And I know that that's right at the height of the Vietnam War. And one thing that I've never that's, you know, right at the height of the Vietnam War. One thing that you know I've never experienced that, but I've been to Afghanistan and Iraq and I understand that. You know PTSD is a real thing. Back not necessarily your experience there, but how did you overcome some of those feelings that?
Speaker 3:happened while you were deployed. To be honest with you initially quite badly. They didn't even know about PTSD or anything back then. So you came back feeling like you should be whole and complete and ready to go and shouldn't show any weakness or have any feelings that you know. I didn't know anything about emotional backlog and that type of thing.
Speaker 3:And I remember pulling into a gas station near my home the year after I got out and the guy coming out this was back when they still came out and pumped the gas and that type of thing and he was one of the guys that I went through basic with and he'd been just a handsome, happy, eager guide from Pasadena. And as he was walking out and I recognized him, he just looked like he was just, it was just a shell of who he had been when I, when I first met him and, um, you know, and his, he quietly shared, you know some that most the guys hadn't made it back and uh, you know, I mean literally like only a handful of us had, and so I remember just sort of wandering off, not even really staying with the conversation. I just had that part so shut down. But the truth is, within a year I'd gotten a divorce, lost custody my two sons was suicidal. I hiked into the woods and spent three days really looking at what was next and decided suicide was it? And fully attempted to commit suicide. So PTSD was real. I was right in the middle of it and completely at the effect of it, and what happened during that attempt was definitely changed my life it was.
Speaker 3:You know, I was kind of an athlete and regular, kind of all-American kid and as I was taking my hunting knife and thrusting it into my heart, all of a sudden everything around me dissolved. I literally dissolved into a white ball of light and no awareness of my body or the world around me. A white ball of light, no awareness of my body or the world around me, and I just felt nothing but the perfection of life, the perfection of everything and deep trust that I could have in life. And you know, this was from a moment ago, feeling like there was nothing left and I have no idea how long that experience lasted. But when I came out of this experience of oneness with everything, you know my hunting knife was 20 yards off some other way and I have no idea how I got there, but that began my journey.
Speaker 3:It was like, okay, I know there's more to it. But that began my journey. It was like, okay, I know there's more to it, somebody's paying attention here because I certainly had no idea what that was at 19 or 20, 21. And so I had to really begin to explore what life was about. And that's really when I became more self-aware, more other-aware, more stepping into those places of leadership where I was supporting others and finding their way through life and helping them do that.
Speaker 2:Before you transition, and thank you for sharing that. That's deeply impactful and I don't know if you've ever read the book I'm sure you have, but the Map of Consciousness. So that was a book that I read and it's funny that I think your story is almost eerily similar to that author's. And if you remember that one point where he got stuck in a blizzard and he dug a kind of a little hole for him to kind of stay safe, and in that moment you, you know, almost to the point of death, he felt like he was surrounded by light about, or almost like just a perfect perfection, in a way of like where everything that was worldly just dissolved. And hearing you say that kind of gives me goosebumps, because I just finished. I just finished reading that book, you know not, that's maybe like four months ago.
Speaker 3:I missed that part, so thanks for sharing that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no. That's truly incredible. When you were in the Marine Corps, before you transitioned out, did you have some leaders that embodied what great leadership was, and potentially even what poor leadership was?
Speaker 3:No, I think that's what got me into leadership eventually is I really did get out. My dad was a great guy. He really was A great model for what a human being can be and should be like, so that probably was always in there, but it was really watching other leaders. I went on to a spiritual path and really saw how those leaders were really abusing their power and watching, as I began to you know, as executive VP of Intergame Corporation at one point and working with AT&T and just watching patients that I was working with really how the ego of the leaders was just being watched and having to be dealt with by everybody in the organization.
Speaker 3:You know the spiritual teachers, just you know abused, sexual abused, whatever they had healed as a child. They are in that from the childhood. It was just being played out and and but every time and this is really what brought me to a place of the work that I'm doing now is they would have reached a place where they were at the height of her and huge levels of influence and, but everything was falling apart, everything was crumbling and what I began to recognize is that, yes, you can really create something amazing, but if it's not on a proper foundation. It's going to crumble. Their foundation just wasn't there. They hadn't dealt with their inner child stuff. They hadn't healed their past. They hadn't. They hadn't dealt with their inner child stuff. They hadn't healed their past. They hadn't dealt with the parts of them that they really needed to access to be able to take themselves up to the next levels that they're at.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, that is extremely important, I think. To kind of go back on, I've seen that too, especially in the military. When people get to certain ranks, it's like they almost get a lobotomy in a way. The best way to think about it is that they forget about people and they're solely focused on their position, their title, the authority that comes with it, the perks that come with it, and they slowly forget who they are. And then they start leading from this fear-based culture because they are afraid of losing that. They're afraid of losing their power, their title, their authority, but they forgot that the reason they're there is because they were a servant leader. They were helping other people along the way. Why do you think people make that shift from all your experience that you've gleaned?
Speaker 3:I think you hit it. You hit it well. It's fear. You know they feel competent at a certain level and they are that ladder of leadership. All of a sudden you begin to run into all your feelings of not being good enough, not being enough, not being authentic, not feeling confident, not feeling that you're the person that can really do the job. When you look at any level of management or leadership where you put somebody in charge that's over their capacity, they start bringing in all sorts of rules and regulations and controls and limitations. You know they turn into this authority that is trying to manage things as best they can, from that fear base that they're coming from, you know, and their ego steps in and tries to protect them and, of course, just makes it worse.
Speaker 2:I think you just described the US government in a nutshell. So, transitioning from the Marine Corps, you got your PhD in psychology. If memory serves me right, You're a highly credentialed athlete US rowing champion. Then you work in the private sector for a while. When did you decide like, hey, I am fed up with these types of leaders. I believe I'm called for something bigger and really take that leap into seeking your starting your own company.
Speaker 3:You know, I was out in my yard trimming a Japanese maple, and I happen to have about 30-some thousand hours of meditation, so my mind's pretty quiet. And while I'm trimming a Japanese maple, my mind since that's something I comfortably do I didn't have to do it. And I realized I sort of caught myself having a subconscious thought, a subconscious discussion with my great-grandsons. It wasn't a real conversation because they were older than they actually were at the time, and but I was listening to them asking me why am I leaving the world? And we're shaped. And when I found it, you know, why am I leaving the world? For them that's not as good as the one that I had. And then I was kind of trying to explain why. And all of us recognized that it was all bullshit. And so I caught myself and I said I just made that.
Speaker 3:And people always want to know their highest purpose, their greatest aspiration. The truth is, you make that up. And what is your reason for living? Why are you here? Choose something and make it important enough to guide your life, to move forward in your life. So you know, in that moment I really saw that I was out of integrity and that I didn't want to leave the world in worse shape.
Speaker 3:And so, with a bit of research, I really saw that the people who can have the greatest influence and impact on a lasting basis on an organizational or societal level are high-level conscious leaders. So I was talking to my publicist about that at the time and he said do you realize that your, your really truly unique talent is being able to take people into those highest levels of leadership and consciousness? And I hadn't thought about that. You know, from my earlier, you know more spiritually oriented personal growth days. But that's exactly what I do do and and I started studying leadership and who are, who are these select, higher conscious leaders that are so successful? And it turns out they really just have been on a journey of personal development, self-awareness, becoming more conscious.
Speaker 3:Becoming more conscious consciousness really means how aware are you of your, your own thoughts, your, your feelings, both physical and emotional, and and your level of consciousness that you're playing on, how aware of that at any time? And I you know my clients are a good reference for that for me, because they'll be talking and they're going. Well, I'm becoming aware, I'm watching myself do this, I'm recognizing when I'm feeling and I'm, you know, in talking with this other person, I really could see and be compassionate with what they were feeling. In other words, all of those things are just stages of consciousness that they're expanding into and through as they continue to evolve. And so, yeah, in all the books they talk about, they know how to take people from kind of mid-management leadership into the lower levels of higher level leadership, but they all acknowledge they don't know.
Speaker 3:They recognize the characteristics, but they don't know how to take people in those higher levels. And that happens to be exactly what I know how to do. And when I saw that then I realized oh, if I just can get enough people and move them into those levels, then we could really have the impact that I'd like to make in the world so we can create a more conscious and caring world for all of us, including my two grand great-grandsons for all of us, including my two great-grandsons.
Speaker 2:I think that that is extremely motivating because one of my goals is I want to impact 1 million lives in the next 10 years. And when you start thinking about that and that's why I think leadership specifically is where my time, talents and treasures should be applied, because if I can positively impact and show other people how to use transformational skills to be a positive leader, then they can impact thousands of lives in the course of 10 years. I don't have to physically help a million people, because if I pick the right people, they can help thousands. And I love, too, how you connect that to your, your grandchildren. And one of my key motivators is my son and my daughter, you know, if they ever decide to wear the military, and I think my experience was slightly different than yours because we're really an all volunteer force and I and I've had some phenomenal leaders.
Speaker 2:I call it, you know, clint Eastwood movie the good, the bad, the ugly. I've had a little bit of each, but mostly all good. But when my son and my daughter get ready to enter the workforce, I want the leaders that they work for to be top-notch, to lead with a servant heart, have a transformational ability to inspire other people, and you and I are, I think, cut from the same cloth, and I love how you talk about conscious leadership too, of just being self-aware, and I think that's a really good transition point into your coaching process, because I know you've broken into really three different steps. I think is that you have your foundation. Step one is creating your inspired life, and I think step two is really where you take it up a notch and what you just said you're shifting from more of like a direct management leadership style to a more transformational journey of the path that you're going to go on. Would you mind walking me through, you know, your coaching process?
Speaker 3:yeah, but I recognized early on and we, you know, took a quick look at it earlier I saw leaders going, reaching these higher levels and yet without that foundation it just began to crumble. And so it's like, okay, well, what is it? What are those foundational pieces that are necessary? And of course, you know I'm kind of into building things anyway, but you know, the higher the building you're going to create, the stronger that, the deeper that foundation has to be so you can get away with a structure that's only you know a couple stories of stories, on a much smaller foundation than you can if you want to build a structure. That's multiple stories and or a multiple story life, if you will, when you're leading organizations and having more and more employees and that type of thing. And so what I really recognized in every case, quite honestly, is that the pieces that were sabotaging the leaders were really stemming from their childhood. So I began it's like, well, if you want to become aware, self-aware, let's explore what that inner child looks like. You know who's that little boy, who's that little girl. What did they have to do? You know you've got kids, so you know that a child wants love more than anything else, and they actually want unconditional love more than anything else and they'll just do about whatever it takes to get it. So you just ask, well, what did you do to get it? And in, in looking and exploring your life, at what you did to get love, that unconditional love. I'm not saying we ever got it, but we got as much love as we needed, at least to to. You know, grow up and move into the world. What we do is, you know, we take parts of ourselves.
Speaker 3:If I'm, you know, for example, in my generation, feeling fear was really not acceptable. It just wasn't. You know, as a male, that just wasn't acceptable. You know emotion to be acknowledging and I'll be quite honest with you, I don't remember even acknowledging it to myself growing up. And so, you know, and anger in my family wasn't really acceptable.
Speaker 3:My parents had a very loving, supportive relationship. They'd come from really horrendous childhoods, so anger wasn't something that I saw much of. So here I am growing up and coming into the world and not knowing really that I have any fear, not knowing that I have any issues, not able to show anger, not able to show quite a few feelings of vulnerability. And you know, the truth is, you know, I married a woman who came from a family that was very good at arguing and anger and I got my butt kicked for a few years before I left that relationship. But you know, so I really guide people back into their childhood to take a look at well, what parts of them did they disconnect from, what parts of themselves did they leave behind because they weren't able to emotionally process something back then? You know if a child.
Speaker 3:Really something emotionally comes up for a child which is happening all the time. If they don't know how to process it, they stuff it down into their gut. If they don't feel safe processing it, if they don't have somebody to help them process it, they shove that down into their gut and they really they're looking for what do? What do I need to do to be acceptable? Who do I need to be loved? Who do I I? What should I feel? How should I share my feelings? All of those things, not only in our family of origin.
Speaker 3:But you know you get into grade school, on up, and so they begin. You know they have a lot of discarded parts, a lot of ignored parts, a lot of parts of themselves that they shove into this cave and lock the door on and hide the key and either ignore themselves or at least hide from others. And you know that cave is really. My mentor, joseph Campbell, said you know you've got to enter the cave within to find the treasure that you seek and of course that treasure is yourself. That treasure is that unconditional love that you've always wanted, because that's really the only place you seek. And of course that treasure is yourself. That treasure is that unconditional love that you've always wanted, because that's it's really the only place you'll ever find it, and so you have to.
Speaker 3:You know, when people move into higher levels of leadership, they find that they don't feel like they're enough and they don't know. They look outside of themselves as to where to to get more, to become more, to be more. You know, just show me how to be emotionally intelligent, show me how to be a authentic. Show me, you know, they don't want to become that, or at least they're not folk, they just want to act as if, and so my work takes them down into those places where they get to reconnect, reintegrate and become an actually whole, authentic, integrated person.
Speaker 3:And they become emotionally intelligent because they become connected to their own emotions that they discarded or ignored when they were younger out of necessity, and so they become. They just learn to evolve, they learn to reparent that inner child, they learn to become, as I said, whole and integrated, and that process quite literally quiets the mind and it becomes an integrated, whole brain that becomes a much better receiver, much more mature mind, if you will. In other words, the amygdala, that emotional center, isn't in control. The forebrain begins to take over, and that's really a more what's better for everybody, because whatever's better for everybody is what's better for me. If I'm really wanting to make life better for my family, I don't want to build walls around our home. I want to make the area that I live in safe, and so, yeah, let's go ahead.
Speaker 2:No, I'm just listening and taking feverish notes and I think one of the things that you said.
Speaker 2:That's why I love podcasting too, because I'm actively in a leadership role and I don't plan to get out of the army anytime soon, so, selfishly, I love bringing on too, because I'm actively in a leadership role and I don't plan to get out of the army anytime soon, so, selfishly, I love bringing on people like you that I can just pull wisdom from.
Speaker 2:But there's one thing that you said that I've seen is that people want to be shown how to be vulnerable. They want to be shown how to be empathetic. And you hit the nail on the head, and one of my superpowers is I can. I can do that, but the reason I can do that is that I have looked deep in my cave and I have unlocked some of my treasure probably not all of it, but like you and I share that you can't be vulnerable and you can't be authentic, you can't be empathetic all of those things unless you first really unlock it within you, and that is fire. That is a beautiful way of saying that, because I've thought about that for a very long time. But you just hit the nail on the head.
Speaker 3:An easy way to look at it is anything in your life that's limiting you, anything in your life that's limiting you, anything in your life that's a challenge or struggle, you know that's created in relationship to other people and it needs to be healed in relationship to other people. So often you know I'm the first other person that they go on that exploration. I mean even in the initial call, when I'm working with somebody, they'll recognize and discover things that they never even thought before, never realized before, and so you know you start working with me for you know, intensively for a bit, all of a sudden your whole life opens up to you and you realize what's holding you back, what you need to do to heal that and how amazingly that'll move you forward, not only in your leadership but in your life. A lot of people come and they go oh well, my marriage is fine, I'm great with my kids, it's just this job thing. It doesn't take them very long before they realize they're really not, their heart really isn't open in their relationship with their kids and their wife or their husband, and so they begin to really all of those things change. I mean I had a fellow come to me a few years ago and you know he's got five international businesses and you know worth.
Speaker 3:You know close to nine figures each of them, and you know he felt like he was losing everything. Close to nine figures each of them, and you know he felt like he was losing everything and he was. He'd reached that ceiling we were talking about and within two months he's restructuring his businesses. The woman who had left him and she had been a client of mine a couple years earlier and referred him to me, you know they were getting back together and they ended up getting married. You know his relationship with his kids, which you know they were getting back together and they ended up getting married. You know his relationship with his kids, which you know was not in good shape at all, healed and really became amazing. And so you know, I mean he really more than doubled the value of several of his organizations within a year.
Speaker 3:And so it's just, it's a matter. It's just the same as in our life as you begin to heal that backlog, you begin to recognize what's most important to you, what's your highest intention, what's your greatest aspiration, what you think in terms of that is what you need to breathe into. You know, which means it's not comfortable, it's not safe, it's like you really have to be present and conscious and curious enough to stay with that process and breathe into that new place of who and being who and what you need to be to to serve in that role. And so you know, I I watch it all the time people coming in who feel they aren't worthy of being a ceo or they want to make more money, but they also want to create this amazing life that's really optimal living and and they feel like they just don't know how. And the truth is, all I do is show them how to look within and access all that they need to create that life, to be that person, to not only create a life.
Speaker 3:My job isn't just to take them up another level. My job is to support and guide them into creating a life that's filled with mindfulness processes, that fills with really significant personal challenges that allow them to continue to grow, so that they really recognize oh, I don't want to go from this comfort zone to that comfort zone, to this. You know that stuttered sort of lifestyle that most people live. They become an integrated whole being that's really optimizing their living and their life and their leadership. But they're.
Speaker 3:It's an evolving sense, it's an ongoing sense of continued development, growth and and I would have to say I'm in, you know that's certainly the boat I'm on is just, I don't want to, I don't want to retire. I love what I do. I wouldn't want to not be doing what I do. You know, I still have time for boating and playing golf and all these, you know, hanging out with my wife and enjoying life. But, uh, that really, coming from a place of curiosity, that place of appreciation, that place of trust and love in life, is really it's so rewarding that, um, you know, I see everybody get quite excited as they step into that life.
Speaker 2:Tim, let's take a quick break from this episode and I want to share an additional leadership resource with you, and that is one-on-one leadership coaching through McMillian Leadership Coaching. So what do I do? I help leaders discover their purpose, create a long-term growth plan and take inspired action. I believe everything rises and falls on leadership and, regardless of where you are in life, one fact is true you are a leader of others, you are a leader of your family and, most importantly, you are a leader of yourself. To lead others well, that starts by leading yourself well of yourself. To lead others well, that starts by leading yourself well. If you want to learn more, you can go to mcmillianleadershipcoachingcom and schedule a free call today. Back to the episode. That's amazing.
Speaker 2:Two things that really stuck with me, and I like to break it down into an acronym T-Ball Thoughts, beliefs, actions, legacy. So how we think shapes our beliefs, our beliefs drive our action, our legacy how we show up in the world. And another one you get to know on the head of like inside-out thinking. We're always focused on the outcome, but we don't think about the processes and who we want to be at the core. That's what we need to solve first who do we want to be, how do we want to be, how do we want to show up? What is the process to achieve that? And the outcomes are a byproduct. They will happen, naturally. We don't need to focus on that. It's beautiful and I would love to hear some of your mindful practices that you have, and which one serves you best.
Speaker 3:You know, the tool that has really become my most trusted guide and advisor is my breath. You know, very long time ago, you know, in fact, after what we talked about, when I tried to commit suicide, I really just I recognized that as I was in a cabin up on an island in the middle of nowhere for a few months, I watched myself just beginning to breathe, beginning to quiet my mind, beginning to focus. It was an old wood fireplace and outhouse and everything. It was pretty basic, so there wasn't a lot of distraction there, but I found myself really quieting my mind. And what allowed me? You know, if I try and quiet my mind, that's just my mind trying to, you know, manipulate itself. So you have to give the mind something to do, and so it's like, okay, this breathing gives me something to do. It also seems to calm me down and relax me. So as I began sitting and breathing, I began to gain more. You know, sitting with myself. I was sitting on an island in the middle of nowhere, so I had to really become more aware of myself. And that journey, really, that turns into meditation, that turns into mindfulness, that turns into really emotional intelligence, that turns into becoming a better leader that turns into moving into higher states of consciousness, which turns into really creating your optimal living and leadership life. So it's a, it's a very clear path and and the tools are all about, uh, you know, I've certainly meditated, you know, probably 30, 35, 000 hours when I was especially younger.
Speaker 3:It was a big part of my life. But I've also studied martial arts. I've also done, you know, all the tai chi and taekwondo and all of that type of thing. But I've also done yoga and but you can turn I I really like to support people into turning everything in their life into mindfulness. You know, I play golf, but I I'm not out there trying to beat somebody else or do anything else, I'm I'm just out there doing my mindfulness exercises. It happens to make me a better golfer, which is good. It happens to make me a better golfer, which is good. But uh, you know, and and when I'm leading and when I'm working with others, it's really doing it mindfully, doing in a way that allows me to be present and curious and uh, and caring about life, about whatever's going on around me I love that you can apply mindfulness to anything in life.
Speaker 3:Exactly, and.
Speaker 2:I think that's I got to bump my numbers up. So I just started recently doing mindfulness. When I say recent, I would say maybe like two or three years ago. And me coming from and I know you get this because you came from the Marine Corps being like in the infantry and within special operations command, currently within the job, very alpha driven organizations. Mindfulness is something that you wouldn't think necessarily goes hand in hand with that.
Speaker 2:But I truly believe the reason that I can be more present and intentional is because some of my mindfulness exercises and I also try to stack things that put me in uncomfortable situations. So I love to meditate in the sauna because that forces me to kind of be present in the moment and like breathe and I I can shut my mind off because my body is like in that um, I guess fight or flight response of where I can just really just be truly intentional and have a clear mind. And another one that I love doing is when I do cold plunges, which is brutal and I do not enjoy it at all, but I'm so focused and intentional in that moment that I use that to really help me meditate. But I've never thought of it from the standpoint is that you can use those mindfulness exercises in multiple different areas of your life all areas, all areas.
Speaker 3:There is not an area of my life that is not mindful. My relationship with my wife is. You know, when I first got into it, it was, like you know, trying to figure out and negotiate how we're going to do life together. And now it's about how do we open up our hearts more fully. Now it's about how do we connect more our hearts more fully. Now it's about how do we connect more fully, how do we impact the world in a more, you know, empowered way. It's, yeah, just you know, when I have about a few acres around me in the woods, here and by the water, and you know, my clients come here and when they drive in the driveway, I want them to all of a sudden feel safe, feel like they've just arrived at a retreat center that's just for them and that's where they can actually go in and find out who they are, where they can begin to feel comfortable, and so just everything can become a part of your spiritual journey or leadership in your life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Is that also the concept of like big mind? So I wanted to ask you that question specifically, like what do you, what do you mean when you say big mind? What? What is that to you?
Speaker 3:If you're going to be a high-level leader, whether it's in the military or anywhere, especially in business, at this point there's such a rapid change and increased complexity in the world that you really don't have time to be thinking out everything and trying different avenues. You have to be present and really able to optimize your choices and recognize what's the best choice for you. And literally it comes from quieting the mind. As you quiet the mind, more, you could see it as an artist who has an inspirational image that comes in, or an author that has an inspirational idea for the next chapter, whatever it might be. But a leader in business has to be able to really just stop their thought and, rather than efforting and forcing and trying to come up with solutions, quiet their mind and just put out there what they're looking for and trust that it'll come in.
Speaker 3:And it's basically when I first came up with this. It was just my experience, but now it's fortunately neurologically explained. It's just what's happening is all the different brain frequencies get in. There's a bridge, called the alpha bridge, that connects in that place of quietness and trust that allows you to really access the best of all the different brain frequencies. In other words, if you were in the heights of meditation, if you're in the heights of creativity, if you're in the heights of intellectual conversation, all of those things you can access the best of. And so what comes forward is you know the best of what's available. Your mind is like a receiver and you're just trusting how to you know what you're going to receive. I mean, you don't have time. You know, I have a kind of a side note.
Speaker 3:I happen to be a creator of Japanese gardens, and so you know, I was in the middle of working with a CEO in a big tech firm in San Francisco and he found out that I created Japanese gardens and he had to have one for his wife. Of course, he wanted a million dollar one, not just this little corner thing. He wanted an acre of his property redone, and I didn't have time, and so what I did was I went home and went up on a little driftwood bench behind my house in Mill Valley and just put out these are the people that I'm creating it for, this is my intention to really enhance their life and creating a Japanese garden and that was really all that I put out there. And as I sat there waiting for that inspiration, just as would any artist, any leader in any situation, it started coming in Within an hour and a half. This most beautiful garden I'd ever seen came into my life Within three months.
Speaker 3:I put it together, won international awards for it, for the design and technology, and I never put anything down on paper, and so, rather than going months of back and forth, you can do it in just that moment of receiving that information, and it's learning to trust that, and the more you learn to trust that when I'm working with clients, if I'm thinking of what should I do next, that's just they're only going to get a very limited perspective on what I'm capable of accessing for them to really understand, and so I just sit there in silence and watch what comes in, watch what comes through, watch what I share and watch what I support them in doing or looking at next. And it's that level of insight that always allows me to be on the next level of consciousness where I can always find the answer. Because I know that if I don't have the answer on this level of consciousness, all I have to do is breathe and let go and trust and get quiet and curious and I'll find it on the next level of consciousness. And that's you know. Oftentimes, that's you know, especially in my advanced leadership training.
Speaker 3:That's what I'm doing is I'm sharing a new perspective. Just, they're working on their stuff, they're integrating everything they're doing well, but they kind of like, oh, I'm getting stuck about this, and it's like all I have to do is be in that next level of consciousness to share a perspective that allows them to move into and through that and that allows them then to be, you know, inspired to continue their development so they can go into that level, which they can easily, and that's what I show them how to do.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I love that and I am going to try to get better and more intentional with that kind of concept of big mind and allowing to ask the question and just let, I guess, the universe in a way kind of just inspire me through silence, because I think we all have the answers inside of us. Too often, especially in this generation, we're always looking for the easy answer and other people to shorten our learning curve. But some of the best times I remember journaling about what my time, talents and treasures were, and you can ask my wife, I have a thinking chair and that's kind of like a form of meditation for me because I love journaling, and I just broke down, you know, physically, started crying when it all hit me. It all just came in at once and I could see it Before. I had a really hard time doing that and how you just described that. It kind of puts me back in that present state of mind. All right, so kind of continuing on.
Speaker 2:You are an author of several books, so overscheduled by success in and outs of mindfulness and leadership on the edge.
Speaker 3:Transformational leadership is what that book's about. The third one yes.
Speaker 2:What inspired you to write all those different books?
Speaker 3:I saw what was needed, the initial book oversched by Success. Really, you know, I saw a lot of high-level leaders, very successful people, doing really well in life, but in conversation with them there was always this pet project. There was always this thing that they wished they could get to. There was always something in their life that was being left behind because they were so lost into doing just the regular stuff that they've been successful in doing, and so it really teaches them how to slow everything down and to really become a better leader by having everybody else do everything support them in developing their leadership.
Speaker 3:A high-level leader, whether they're running one organization or multiple organizations, should really be not doing very much at all. They should be, you know, on this perspective, they should be the umbrella, not the baseball cap. They should have this big coverage that everything's being done and their job is to really be aware enough and present enough so that they recognize when they need to step in, when something needs to get handled. I mean I had a very successful. I mean I made a ton more money landscaping than I ever had doing what I consider my real work, landscaping than I ever have doing what I consider my real work. But you know, as I was working with clients, I would get information from time to time during the day. It's like oh, I need to call, I need to check in, I need to, and you know you can you just if you're open and present, that information comes to you?
Speaker 3:You don't have to micromanage, you don't have to check on everybody. You don't have to, you know, waste your time with that because everything was being done. It's just that there's moments where you need to step in and support and give that next perspective or that insight or handle a challenge that's come up.
Speaker 2:I love that concept because I think it's true. When we get to a certain level in leadership, we're really I call this leadership intelligence. At least for me, is that we have tactical, operational, like strategic level leadership intelligence. Tactical is we are in the fight. Then our work directly correlates to our worth in that organization, like our role and as we grow on our leadership bridge, our specific work that we do is less frequent but the more we need to be connected to people and the workforce and there's a certain point of where you're doing less work but your predominant work is really just developing other people and I think that's the mark of a successful leader of spending the time needed to mature other people so they can continue to expand on that leadership bridge with you exactly, yeah, and I mean the difference.
Speaker 3:I see it. You know, somebody comes through my programs and not only has their life changed, but you know, if they have a couple thousand employees, all those employees lives have changed also, and all the children that are being raised by those employees changes, because you know the the boss is coming in and creating a more trusting, supportive environment, rather than one where people are worried and being judged and criticized and that type of thing, and so they go home feeling better, they feel like they're part of something that they're proud to be a part of and doing something with their life that they feel really good about, and they go home feeling like a success and treat their kids from that perspective, rather than their fear or their anger or their anguish. And so they treat their spouses that way. And so, you know, they treat their spouses that way and those kids don't have all the emotional baggage that others have.
Speaker 3:I mean, I see the kids that are coming out of the parents that I worked with 30 years ago and they're incredible. They are absolutely incredible kids. They just don't have all the hangups and baggage that most people have, including myself, and so, yeah, it is that inner journey, though you know from that early childhood, when we're looking outside of ourself for love and acceptance, we get addicted to that looking outside and continue it throughout our life, and so maybe a big part of the journey that I offer is that they, within a couple of months, fall in love with themselves and begin to look inside, and the nine months and other programs are really about just integrating that direction into their life, where they begin to trust, ultimately, to look inside for everything, and inside, of course, is connected to everything at that point, because they're in a conscious place.
Speaker 2:So I think that that is the one to be the hardest thing to to teach other people because you have to force them. It's a counter-cultural norm of like, hey, you need to slow down and you need to think and reflect, Um, but I agree with you wholeheartedly. I agree with you because I believe that that is what's made me highly successful and some of the leadership roles that I've had is my ability to slow down. I call it stop um, silence your mind, take a tactical pause, observe your surroundings and then pursue with purpose. That's been my whole kind of life motto. In a way, when I can and I have the luxury to do that, Even in firefights, that was something that we would try to implement.
Speaker 3:Well, I think you get good and I'm going to use your example If you practice that enough, you really don't have to stop. You just breathe and keep moving forward into it. You know, in a firefight you don't have time to be wondering about and questioning and trying to come up with plans. You've got to be present and really see the optimum direction to take yourself and everyone else. You need to see what's best for everything and that's what a leader needs to do.
Speaker 3:On, you know, certainly not, as you know, on the edge as that, but they're doing that all the time and so it just all the struggle in their life becomes ease and it really changes everything dramatically. And in terms of just a side note on that is I've never guiding, I'm never trying to force them to do anything, and I know you didn't indicate that, but it's really a matter of guiding them. It's. You know. You just let them see where their limitations are and where they come from and what they need to do to change that, and they'll just keep moving in that direction into the higher states and the highest states.
Speaker 2:Do you have any more projects on the horizon? Are you going to write any more books? Do you have any more books inside of you?
Speaker 3:I do, I do, I'm really, and I just touched on it earlier. My wife was putting together some programs for the women that she works with and I was touched on it earlier. My wife was putting together some programs for the women that she works with and I was explaining something. I went, oh, maybe that would be an interesting direction to go. And that is that first breath, when I have them begin to breathe, which is challenging for a lot of people, because if you breathe then you feel and you start connecting and you start to open up your heart and you start to feel, and so breathing can initially be a challenging thing, but as I get them to breathe and then move into the mindfulness and move into a greater degree of emotional awareness and self and other awareness and move into what I would really consider higher levels of consciousness, I I'm it's kind of coming full circle for me where I used to teach meditation back decades ago Not that I haven't been doing it all this time, but when I started.
Speaker 3:It's really a matter of there's a path, there's a very clear, direct path into the higher states of consciousness, and consciousness back in the day was like, oh, spiritual or something like that, and it's like no consciousness is about living and working in the world from a really present, conscious, loving, open-hearted, open-mind place. And so, yeah, just to really delineate those steps so that people have a clear sense of that journey, that path, that's kind's kind of, I think, what's going to come out next.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I would love to read that book. I think that's going to be extremely interesting. I love how you do this, too, along with your wife, um, so you, you're on the journey together, and that's one thing that, at least that I've learned is that if you're not growing together, you're growing apart a hundred percent.
Speaker 3:And that's true for an organization, that's true for everybody.
Speaker 2:A hundred percent. And that goes back to a point of what you talked about too is that leadership is holistic. It's not just about you leading an organization. You have to lead yourself. You have to lead a family, you have to lead, most likely, in a community. You have other responsibilities that people are depending on you. It's not just you showing up to work and being a great leader, because the hallmark of a great leader is that there's only one self, if that makes sense. When you go to work, you should not be someone else. You're the same person that you are when you're at home with your family.
Speaker 3:I applaud you completely. Yeah, I hear people going well, you know, I've got my work self and my workout self, my health self and it's like no, you've got one self and you've got to bring those selves together to really find out who you are and to feel that authenticity and confidence so you can contribute to the world at the level you're capable of.
Speaker 2:So last question before we get to our final show segment. I'll try to keep respect of your time, but what would be one piece of advice that you would offer someone who's just getting ready to start their leadership journey?
Speaker 3:Recognize that your personal development goes hand in hand with your professional development.
Speaker 3:I watch people go well, if I'll take this class and that class and figure out how to market and figure out all those things, and then I'll pay attention to develop personal development, and it's like it just doesn't work that way.
Speaker 3:You've got to do the personal development either before or concurrent with the professional development, either before or concurrent with with the professional development, and it doesn't stop. You know it's really. You know it's like a professional athlete. The best of them still have coaches and you really have to have either a good mentor or a coach or community or something that's supporting you and really continuing your development, growth, so that you really have the chance to find out how amazing life is. Life is so incredible, it's so perfectly designed to support us, and enjoying this experience and most people find themselves struggling and in difficulty with it and it's like, no, that's not it. Yeah, all those are just a struggle in your life is nothing but an indicator that something's ready to be healed, and then, healing that part of yourself, you will then access the next level of who and what you're capable of being, and that is really the truth of it.
Speaker 2:I think that's one reason a lot of I always think about this, like why are successful entrepreneurs typically having, like, military backgrounds? At least from what I've seen, they have some form of military background and I think the military forces you not only professionally to develop yourself, but it also personally challenges you and personally develops you, like physically and mentally. You know, thinking about going back through ranger school and some of the more challenging courses that I had to go through, it wasn't necessarily the tasks that were complicated, it was mentally preparing myself to do hard things and when it was hard, being in that moment and getting through it. If that makes sense and that that's it. That takes a level of mental Fortitude and personal development that a lot of people I don't think get the opportunity to explore.
Speaker 3:I think the military. You don't look at it as what are my?
Speaker 2:other options.
Speaker 3:Exactly, it's like I've got to walk through the swamp.
Speaker 2:so, okay, we're going through the swamp and go through this.
Speaker 3:And that's tremendous training, because life is going to continue to present you with whatever you need so that you can evolve into the best person that you're capable of being.
Speaker 1:It's time for our final show segment that I like to call the killer bees. These are the same four questions that I ask every guest on the Tales of Leadership podcast Be brief, be brilliant, be present and be gone.
Speaker 2:Question one what do you believe separates a good leader from an extraordinary leader?
Speaker 3:well, certainly their level of consciousness, but it's their level of of humility, vulnerability, their it's really, in the essence of it, how fully if you're protecting your heart, it's disconnecting you from yourself and others. So your heart has to be open, your mind has to be open, and that you know. I would, yeah, I'll have to come around, and what I would say is that neurological development, which comes from all of the things that we've been talking about, is really the key of the things that we've been talking about. It's really the key because when somebody's coming from any level of fear, you're cutting off the height of your intellectual, what you have available, and so you can be a great leader, you can be a good leader, but if you want to be the top level leader, you have to literally have neurologically rewired your brain to access the best of who and what you are.
Speaker 2:So number two what is one resource that you would recommend to our listeners?
Speaker 3:Their own breath being learn to be present with himself. And if you don't know how to do that, then you know, buy one of my books. Buy, you know. Take now to Han's book. Buy, you know. Find a mentor, find somebody who you see can do that and doesn't have their ego involved in you becoming, you know, a student or something like that. Yeah, the resources are available and they've been, you know, found out. You know, emotional intelligence, you can find out about all these things, but understanding you. But understanding is not information, is not transformation, so don't confuse the two. Trust me, I've read more books than I'd possibly ever remember and that's not where the transformation comes from. That might give me the impetus to move forward, but it's not going to create the transformation.
Speaker 2:I think that that is beautiful and that I love when other people share things that we all possess, like resources within us, especially mindfulness resources, because I think that's absolutely critical. All right, so question three I'm breaking one of my rules. If you could give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be?
Speaker 3:Love yourself, absolutely love yourself and be kind to yourself, because then you'll be able to love and be kind to others, and that's going to create a different life, a different world.
Speaker 2:The last question is how can our listeners find you and how can they add value to your mission?
Speaker 3:Well, I think the easiest way is just to go to ronstotscom that's my website. There's free information there. There's ways to access those programs, those blogs. There's a lot of information out there and so they'd be welcome to go there and they can get on a discovery call with me if they want to actually talk with me. Next level discovery callcom is an easy way to set up a time to work with me or talk with me about whatever, and I really am open to just helping people. So it's not a sales call, it's a way to help and reach out a sales call.
Speaker 2:It's a way to help and reach out. Ron, this has been a phenomenal episode. Thank you so much for being intentional and sharing your wisdom with me and all of my listeners. I've gotten tremendous value out of it. I think I'm on page six of my notebook, so it's a good day.
Speaker 3:Yeah Well, thank you very much. It's been a privilege being on and I certainly enjoyed the conversation. Yeah, reminded me of moments in my past that I kind of was hidden away.
Speaker 2:I love that. Well, have a great night and have a great workout.
Speaker 3:I will Thank you very much. You will be well no-transcript within the infantry.
Speaker 2:I remember that I got yelled at from my platoon sergeant when I was in Afghanistan because I was always in the lead vehicle every single time, because if we were to hit an IED, I wanted to be there with my men. My mindset was I don't want to ask my men and women to do something that I would not naturally do myself. So I always wanted to be put into the front. But as a leader and that's an extreme example you need to position yourself to allow your men and your women to do what is needed, and you do that by being supportive. You're in the arena with your team. Make sure they are also in the arena with your team, because when you do that, you build trust, you begin to hold people accountable, everyone clearly understands their roles and you make a more unified and strengthened organization. And a lot of the times exactly what Ron talked about people begin to lead from fear. Why do you lead from fear? I think people leave from fear because they are afraid of giving away power. They're afraid of giving away influence and authority that is given with title, and I want you to hear me when I say this. Title and authority does not mean jack squat. You are holding a position because someone, somewhere, believed in you and thinks that you have the time, talents and treasures to do a great job. So, while you were in that role, try to impact as many lives as possible because Ron even talked about that too is that when you can create an organization where people want to come to work when they go home, they bring that attitude with them, and I will tell you that is a hundred percent true. I used to do that when I was in the command, when I was a platoon leader, when I had a great day, even if I was work till 1830 at night 630 for you civilians out there I still had a great attitude because I loved what I did and I knew that I made an impact. Today, I made other people's lives better today.
Speaker 2:Second key takeaway that I have is that you need to create a foundation. The taller your building is, the more you want to accomplish in life, the deeper your roots need to be, or your support beams and I always talk about to my house of leadership. My base foundation of what I am built upon is meekness, and if you want to hear me define that, I've created an episode that is solely focused on defining what meekness is, but I think it's absolutely critical. But where you build your foundation is going to hinge upon if you are successful or if you gain all of those goals, accomplish all of those goals and everything crumbles. And part of that of what Ron talked about which I love and it's true is really going back in time and exploring some of the most pivotal experiences that you had in your life, and some of those are from our childhood experiences and trauma. Me thinking about that especially in this episode.
Speaker 2:I had childhood experiences and trauma and a point of vulnerability. I was highly overweight. If you saw pictures of me now and then you'd be like that's not the same person it was, and I got bullied all the time for that. I always had teachers tell me that I wasn't smart enough because I had dyslexia. I even had a teacher at one point give me books on cassettes because she thought that I couldn't read, and the fire that that brought inside of me pushed me to be better, and it still pushes me every single day. That's probably why I'm so driven and so competitive, because I refuse to allow other people tell me that I cannot do something. I can do anything that I put my mind to, but that comes from that childhood trauma that I experienced. Some people worse, but it's critical that you go back and you explore that.
Speaker 2:And the last key takeaway is meditation and there's multiple different ways we can talk about this and how Ron talks about it is your breath. But think of it in big mind and we talked about this is that there's a concept of an alpha brain, right and within alpha brain. I think it's funny too, because Joe Rogan's like brain pills that he talks about that I heard on this episode. But there is an optimal brain frequency of where everything is just working fine in tune. It's because I'm intentional and I'm focused, but I also spend the time when it's needed for breathing and meditation and recovery and self. Remember. One of the concepts that I've talked about is work, family, self Three simple bins in life. We always have a work self. We always have a family. We always have our self-self, intentionally, who we are. Those should all be the same person.
Speaker 2:But we do that through meditation and I want to challenge you tonight, tomorrow it doesn't matter Try intentional breathing exercises three minutes in or sorry, not three minutes in three seconds in, pausing for a couple seconds, three seconds out and pausing for a couple seconds, three seconds out and pausing for a couple seconds, and do that for a period of two to three minutes, you will naturally feel better. And where I prefer to do my meditation is when I'm doing hot and cold therapy, because I'm putting myself in a discomfort position anyway, and if I can meditate in those moments at one, it helps me get through that. But also, too, I have such a deep level of clarity. So this was a phenomenal episode, guys, and if you've gotten anything out of this, do me a favor make sure you share this podcast, make sure you rate this podcast or wherever you're listening, because that helps me achieve my vision of impacting 1 million lives in the next 10 years. And if you want to support this channel, you can do that by going to mcmillianleadershipcoachingcom and you can find different ways to support or donate to the show.
Speaker 2:But I also have tons of different leadership content and I do it freely because I want to make an impact. I release a blog every single month. This episode will have its own blog associated with it, so I distilled down the facts and that's all at mcmillianleadershipcoachingcom, and you can also go follow me on social media. Follow me on Instagram, join our Purposeful Accountable Leaders private Facebook group and then follow me on LinkedIn and just continue to share what I'm doing with other leaders so I can begin to make the impact that I want to make. As always, team, I'm your host, josh McMillian, saying every day is a gift. Don't waste yours. I'll see you next time.
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