The Father's Role and Male Leadership: Upholding Biblical Family Structures Part 1

I want you to listen to a sermon on the family, but before I do that, 

I want to talk about the family. This culture has devastated the family. Listen we study failing cultures throughout history, we often find that people of God withdrew from them. For example,  when Christians abandon a community’s hub, taking their skills, resources, and moral influence with them, those neighborhoods deteriorate. When the Christian family leaves the public school system, moral values are systematically erased there, until they practically become illegal to teach. When Christian families vacate the media, spiritual perspective goes with them. When the Christian family, gets out of politics, a godly moral framework through which to define and interpret our laws goes with them. 

God’s people have been called to penetrate society as both salt and light. Parents blessing their children is a powerful biblical concept that is being rediscovered in our day. The blessing was a key part of family life in the Old Testament. The blessing involved a father transferring the family inheritance to his son and telling him of the future God had for him ( Go back and read Gen 49) 

The best thing we as fathers can do for our sons and daughters is to put our hand on them and bless them in the name of Jesus Christ. Listen to fathers there’s no way you can measure the impact that your blessing can have on your children. 

Listen to me, blessing your children is especially important because we parents are so quick to curse our kids. I am not talking about using profanity on them. I’m talking about the kinds of discouraging comments that slip out of our mouths so quickly and easily like: you didn’t do that right. Why don’t you change this? How come you’re not better than Mark? I told you, you couldn’t do it. Our children hear how they fall short all the time. But do they also hear from their parents especially their father, blessing them? 

 We need to know the difference between encouraging our children and praising them. We praise our children a lot, but we don’t always encourage them. Praise focuses on what the child has accomplished. But encouragement is not related to what people achieve. It is tied to who they are. Encouragement says “ I want to affirm you as my child. You don’t have to do anything spectacular. We love you because of who you are. The Family has to get back to blessing the next generation, and the father must lead. 

Sometimes in baseball, a batter will have to do a sacrifice bunt. A bunt is simply taking the bat and tipping the ball so that it goes up the first or third baseline. The primary reason for bunting is to move somebody else on the offensive team farther along around the bases. A bunt is made because the team has a better chance of hitting it short and moving the person along, than swinging for the fence and perhaps striking out. 

Now, when the third base coach gives the sign to bunt, it may

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:33

Welcome to Biblical Talks. My name is Michael Tolliver. I want you to listen to a sermon on the family, but before I do that, I want to talk about the family. This culture has devastated the family. Listen, we've studied fallen and failing families throughout history. We often find that people of God withdrew from them. For example, when Christians abandon a community hub, they take their skills, they take their resources and moral influence with them, and those neighborhoods are devastated. When the Christian family leaves the public school system, moral values are systematically erased there until they are practically become illegal to teach. When Christian families vacate the media, spiritual perspective goes with them. When the Christian family gets out of politics, a godly moral framework through which to define and interpret our laws goes with them. God's people have been called to penetrate society as both salt and light Parents.

Speaker 1: 1:52

Blessing their children is a powerful biblical concept that is being rediscovered in our day. The blessing was a key part of family life in the Old Testament. The blessing involved a father transferring the family inheritance to his son and telling him of the future God has for him. Go back and read Genesis 49. Go back and read Genesis 49. The best thing we, as fathers, can do for our sons and daughters is to put our hands on them and bless them in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Listen, fathers, there is no way you can measure the impact that your blessing can have on your children. Blessing your children is especially important because we parents are so quick to curse our children and I'm not talking about using profanity on them. I'm talking about the kind of discouragement coming that slip out of our mouth so quickly and easily, like you don't do that right, or why don't you change that? Or how come you not better them? Mark? I told you you can't do that.

Speaker 1: 3:02

Our children need to hear how blessed they have been. Our children need to hear how God has a calling on their lives. Listen, parents, and especially father, we need to bless them. We know the difference between encouraging our children and praising them. If we don't, we need to know the difference. We praise our children a lot, but we don't always encourage them. Praise is focused on what the child has accomplished, but encouragement is not related to what people achieve. It is tied to who they are. Encouragement says I want to affirm you as my child. You don't have to do anything spectacular. We love you because of who you are. Family has to get back to the blessing. The next generation and the reality is fathers. We must lead in that area.

Speaker 2: 4:15

We'll be back after a quick break Each month. We'll be back after a quick break each month. Elder toliver offers a spiritually encouraging book to help you in your walk with christ, for any size donation. Please go to biblicaltalkscom to take advantage of this opportunity sometime in baseball to take advantage of this opportunity.

Speaker 1: 4:38

Sometime in baseball a batter will have to do a sacrifice bunt. A bunt is simply taking the bat and tipping the ball so that it goes up the first or third baseline. The primary reason for bunting is to move somebody else on the offensive team further along around the bases. A bunt is made because the team has a better chance of hitting it short and moving the person along than swinging for the fence and perhaps striking out. Now, when the third base coach gives the sign to bunt, it may come at the time when the batter has plans to swing for defense. He may have plans to improve his average. He may have plans to improve his stats. He may have plans to show off his strength. He may have plans to serve notice on the pitcher that no one can strike him out. But the third base coach tells him to give up his rights to screen for the fence so that he can move his teammates along. It is in the battle interest of the team. The coach says for you to sacrifice your home run swing, which usually means you are going to be thrown out, rather than to follow up your independent agenda. Listen, fathers. God has called every man, in context of his relationship with his family, to lay down his sacrifice bond to not have his way simply because he is the man, to not have his way simply because he is the man, and to raise the question if the decision is in the best interest of the other person. We, as fathers must take the lead. We, as fathers, must make the sacrifice, but for the family, for this generation is going to need godly fathers to set the example.

Speaker 1: 6:46

I want you to listen to a very powerful sermon from Votum Barkham on leading as a husband and father. It was a great sermon. I think that we are at an age now where leadership has to start in the home and if fathers and husbands husbands not leading, the family is going to crumble. So we need godly men to lead and be out front and to lead godly lives that the family may follow them in a godly way. We are in a serious area in our life now in this country, where if the father is not leading, not our front, the family is going to be absolutely devastating and we see that happening now in society. Again, listen to this sermon Very great sermon, very powerful sermon, very sound, very biblical. Here's Pastor Vernon Barkham on this sermon about fathers and husbands.

Speaker 3: 7:54

Well good morning. Praise God for another day and another opportunity to worship him. If you have your Bibles with you this morning, we will open up to where we left off on last night in the book of Ephesians. We're going to look today at Ephesians, chapter 5 and chapter 6. Today we address the issue of a man's leadership in his home, his leadership of his family. This is a crucial topic. For fact, a man's leadership in his home is pivotal not only to the church but also to the state. It was Manton who said that the home is the seminary of both the church and the state. The home is the place where leaders for the church are forged. In fact, a man is to be examined for leadership in the church by first looking at his track record of leadership in his home. It is a man's leadership in his family that is foundational to determining whether or not he is even qualified for leadership among God's people. This is crucial. It is also the home that is the place where citizens are forged for the state. The state has no charge, no responsibility or no jurisdiction over children, informing them as future citizens. It is the home that is charged with this duty, with this responsibility. It is the home. That forges the character of future leaders in the state where we learn to follow and where we learn to lead. So it is absolutely critical that we look here in Ephesians, chapter 5 and 6, and see what it actually means for a man to lead in his home.

Speaker 3: 10:06

First, listen to this from James Alexander, speaking about the issue of a man and his leadership in his home. He is their head. He is such by a divine and unalterable constitution. These are duties and prerogatives which he cannot alienate. There is something more than mere precedence in age, knowledge or substance. He is the father and the master. No act of his and nothing in his character can fail to leave a mark on those around him. A man is the head, master and leader of his home, and there's nothing he can do about that. And there's nothing he can do about that. He will either lead effectively or he will lead poorly, but he will lead. A man's failing to lead is actually a man leading in failure. This is not optional.

Speaker 3: 11:06

There are, however, objections to the idea of a man leading in his home. There are those objections, of course, that we would not be surprised by in the culture at large. We know that the feminist movement has huge problems with what I've just said, the idea that the man is the head of his household, that the man is the leader in his family. Ari Hoekman, a leader in the United Nations Population Fund, has in fact referred to the breakdown in the family in the West as a triumph. It's a good thing, he argues. Why. Why would a man say something like this? Ari Horkiman actually argues that high divorce rates, high out-of-wedlock birth rates, actually signal a triumph of human rights over patriarchy. In other words, male headship in the home is oppressive and divorce and out-of-woodlock birth rates represent liberation from that oppression. Again, it's almost unfathomable that anyone would say such a thing, let alone a leader of the United Nations. But if you're troubled by that, you don't know much about the United Nations. All right, I said that out loud, didn't I? Okay, my bad.

Speaker 3: 12:34

Other radical feminists feel the same way, linda Gordon, for example. Listen to this statement the nuclear family must be destroyed and people must find better ways of living together. Whatever its ultimate meaning, the breakup of families now is an objectively revolutionary process. No woman should have to deny herself any opportunities because of her special responsibilities to her children. Families will be finally destroyed only when a revolutionary social and economic organization, permits people's needs for love and security to be met in ways that do not impose divisions of labor or any external roles at all. That's radical. But wait, there's more, andrea Dworkin. Under patriarchy, no woman is safe to live her life, or to love or to mother children. Under patriarchy or male headship, every woman is a victim, past, present and future. Under patriarchy, every woman's son is her potential betrayer and also the inevitable rapist or exploiter of another woman. That's our cultural context. But you say that's out there. Certainly that's the radical feminist people who don't even claim to know God.

Speaker 3: 14:12

But there are also objections in here. Evangelical feminism, as it is euphemistically called, has objections to the idea of male leadership and male headship in the home. There are three basic objections and we have to deal with these before we move forward with this text here in Ephesians, chapter 5. And the reason that we have to deal with these is quite simple because they have gained much headway in the church, and there are many in the church. Even in churches that you would consider, you know, run-of-the-mill, conservative evangelical churches some of these ideas have crept in and have become assumed For many of you as students.

Speaker 3: 14:58

You assume some or all of this about the idea of male headship, that somehow it's an archaic concept, that somehow it's anachronistic for us to talk about men as heads of their household and to look at passages like Ephesians chapter 5 in that context. Three main arguments. I'll give them to you and then we'll address them in turn. One, the culture. Two, the curse. And three, the confusion. Those are the three arguments.

Speaker 3: 15:31

The first argument is the culture that Paul's admonition to male headship in Ephesians chapter 5, and they have to deal with Ephesians chapter 5, by the way there's just no way around it. You cannot assault this idea of male headship in the home without somehow dealing with Ephesians chapter 5. So evangelical feminism deals with Ephesians chapter 5. And the first line of argumentation is this is cultural, that Paul here in Ephesians chapter 5 is merely making a cultural statement because of circumstances on the ground, as it were. Now, the problem with this argument is that the Bible teaches male headship in the home in a number of places, not only Ephesians 5, but also Colossians 3 and 1 Peter 3, as well as Titus 2 and 5. All of these places we see men called to lead as heads of their household and women called to submit to the leadership of their husbands. But more importantly and more foundational to this is the teaching in Genesis, chapters 1 through 3, which solidify the idea of male headship. So there is no way that what Paul teaches in Ephesians, chapter 5, is merely some cultural accommodation that calls for male headship in this particular setting and circumstance and does not see male headship as the norm. This, for example, does not take into consideration Paul's teaching in 1 Corinthians, chapter 11, where he says the head of the woman is the man, the head of every man is Christ and the head of Christ is God. We also see in 1 Timothy, chapter 2, that Paul roots male headship in the creation order.

Speaker 3: 17:26

Not only do we see that argument, but also the argument of the curse that actually what we're dealing with here is male headship as a result of the curse, that actually what we're dealing with here is male headship as a result of the curse In Genesis, chapter 3 and verse 16, when God looks at Eve, or looks at the woman before she was named Eve and says that because of what she's done, the consequence will be that her desire will be for her husband, but he will rule over you. That's the idea that when God says that in Genesis, chapter 3 and verse 16, you have male headship established as a byproduct of the curse. Listen to this. This Her curse now was to be ruled, perversely, to long for her husband and he to rule over her. She would want to be dominated by her husband and he would submit to this desire. God does not command Adam to rule or govern his wife. Rather, the curse is Eve's. The ruling is a consequence of Eve's longing and her fall.

Speaker 3: 19:13

That's the argument from evangelical feminism, that this is a product of the fall. Now, there are a couple of problems with this product of the fall. Now, there are a couple of problems with this. If this is a product of the fall, my first question is why do we find in Ephesians 5, in Colossians 3, in Titus 2, this same allusion to male headship, referring to people who are in Christ, who have been redeemed from the curse, if it's just a product of the fall? Here's my second question to those who would argue that male headship is a product of the fall. My second question is this have you been in the delivery room with a Christian woman giving birth? You go. What does that have to do with anything? Well, okay, think about this. Male headship is a product of the fall. Therefore, when we are in Christ, that curse is removed and we no longer have male headship. But God also said to Eve there would be much pain in her childbearing. So if, logically, becoming a Christian removes the curse, there ought to be screaming in the delivery room of nonbelievers and peace and calm in the delivery room of believers. I know better. I was there. I have heard the famous. You did this to me. I have watched the woman whom I love with every fiber of my being turn into a creature who looked at me with eyes that said if you come too close, I will kill you. Now wipe my forehead.

Speaker 3: 21:34

The other problem here is that we see male headship before the fall. We see male headship, for example, in Genesis, chapter 2. The woman was made after the man male headship. The woman was made for the man I will make him a helper suitable for him male headship. The woman was made from the him male headship. The woman was made from the man male headship. The woman was brought to the man male headship and the woman was named by the man male headship.

Speaker 3: 22:21

And if that's not enough for you, all you have to do is go later on in chapter three, when Adam receives his curse and God says because you have listened to the voice of your wife, because you did not exercise your headship. If that's not enough for you, just go to Romans, chapter 5, where Paul doesn't say because of the sin of one couple, adam and Eve, death unto the world. No, because of the sin of one man, adam. Jesus is not referred to as the last Adam and Eve, he's referred to as the last Adam. Why Male headship?

Speaker 3: 23:09

So what's happening there in Genesis 3.16 with the curse I'm glad you asked God says your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you. Now, unfortunately, our evangelical feminist author here completely misses the nuance of that text. She says that somehow the woman is going to be pining for her husband. If you just go to Genesis, chapter 4 and verse 7, you see the identical phrase. God says to Cain in Genesis 4-7, sin is crouching at your door, its desire is for you, but you must rule over it. God is not saying to Cain sin is yearning and pining for you. Oh, it loves you. No, he is saying sin's desire is to overtake you, sends desires to overtake you and you must rule over it. See, the curse is not male headship. The curse is the woman's natural rebellion to the headship of the man. That's the curse. Your desire will be to usurp your husband's authority, and yet his authority will not be removed. And because of this desire there should be a clash between you and your husband. But in this clash creation order will not be overturned. He will rule over you. That's the nuance there in Genesis, chapter 3 and verse 16. Male headship is not invented in Genesis, chapter 3 and verse 16. Male headship is not invented in Genesis, chapter 3. It is reinforced in Genesis, chapter 3. But the clash against male headship is what we see as a product of the fall.

Speaker 3: 24:50

There is a third argument, and that is the argument of the confusion that we have completely and utterly misinterpreted this passage here in Ephesians, chapter 5. Because we have forgotten verse 21. If you look with me there in Ephesians, chapter 5., look at verse 21. And it reads submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. So here's the argument, and you find this even in just very conservative circles. The argument is that because of verse 21, what we have is the idea of mutual submission between husband and wife. We don't have the idea of male headship, male leadership within the context and confines of the home, but we have the idea of mutual submission of believers to one another and they just have sort of different roles within this mutual submission, but the submission is mutual. That's the argument that we've completely mistaken what Paul meant to say, because we have not paid close enough attention to verse 21 in our assertion of male headship.

Speaker 3: 26:28

First let me give you my technical theological response and then we'll look at this exegetically. My technical theological response to that assertion is not, but let's do a little exegetical work here, shall we Couple of problems? One problem is the verb that is used here Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ in verse 21. Wives submit to your own husbands. Now that verb there in verse 22 is the verb carried over from verse 21. Basically it says wives to husbands and the verb there is hupotasso, so it's actually a military term, and this military term refers to the voluntary submission of an inferior officer to a superior officer or to a soldier, or of a soldier to a superior officer. That's what the verb means. It means that you submit to someone because of their rank. You submit to them because of the office that they hold. The problem with the idea of mutual submission is that it doesn't work with this verb. There is no mutual submission in military ranks.

Speaker 3: 27:55

The captain does not come to the private and say private. There's some things that I'd really like to discuss with you. I really think we need to take that hill over there. But I know we're called to submit to one another mutually. So I'd really like to discuss with you private whether or not you feel like charging that hill over there as we mutually submit to one another Private thing, coming back and saying Captain, I really appreciate that, I really appreciate you honoring this mutual submission agreement that we have to one another. There's a machine gun up there and I just really think maybe no.

Speaker 3: 28:36

Not the way the military works. How does the military work? Superior officer gives order, inferior salutes and executes. That's how the military works. It is not mutual submission, and that's the term. The term does not allow for the mutual submission interpretation. There is another problem. The second problem is that this mutual submission clause, supposed mutual submission clause, in Ephesians 5.21 does not exist in Colossians 3, does not exist in1 Peter 3, does not exist in Titus 2. So elsewhere, where we have the headship of the husband and the submission of the wife, we do not have this mutual submission clause. So here's what evangelical feminism argues you don't take all of these texts together and read them the way they normally read, in all of their senses. You take this one text that has what appears to be a mutual submission clause and you then superimpose that clause on your reading of all the other texts. That's the argument. Doesn't work that way, hermeneutically, in anything else that we do, but in this particular instance that's what we're supposed to do. There is a third problem and it's the immediate context, broader context problem In order for us to understand this and we're going to get to Ephesians, chapter five and male headship, but trust me, this is necessary. The third problem is when you go back to this text and put it in context. Ephesians, chapter five, and verse 21 is the end of a paragraph. I don't know about you, but generally when I start reading something I go to the beginning of paragraphs, not the end. Maybe you do that Me. I go to the beginning of the paragraph. So Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 21 is the end of a paragraph that begins in Ephesians, chapter 5 and verse 15. When we get there, here's what we find Very interesting. We have three commands. On the third command, you get excuse me, go to verse 15 with me Three contrasts, I'm sorry. Like why is that not what I'm talking about? We get three contrasts. On the third Excuse me, I'm sorry, just had a senior moment there we have three contrasts. On the third contrast, you get three commands. On the third contrast, you get three commands. And on the third command, you get three contexts. All right, look at the beginning of verse 15. Let's look at these three contrasts. Look carefully, then, how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise. Making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. So there's a contrast. Use of the time because the days are evil. So there's a contrast not unwise, but wise. The second one, therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. There's the second contrast. First one not unwise, but wise. The second one not foolish, but understanding the will of the Lord. Here's the third contrast Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the spirit. There's the third contrast Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit. There's the third contrast. On the third contrast, you get three commands, three commands as to how to fill the third contrast.

Speaker 3: 32:27

Look at verse 19. First, addressing one another in psalms, hymns, spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart. There's the first command. The first command related to what? The third contrast this is how you live that spirit-filled life. What's the second command? Giving thanks always and for everything to God, the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. There's your second command, correlated to what? That third contrast. Here's how you do it. This is the spirit-filled life. And then there's the third command. Here's how you do it this is the spirit-filled life. And then there's the third command submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. That's the third command as it relates to the contrast of the spirit-filled life versus drunk with wine.

Speaker 3: 33:08

On the third command, you get three contexts. What are they? Wives to husband 524 to the end of the chapter. Children to parents 6-1 through 4. Slaves to masters 6-5 through 9. In other words, ephesians 521 is not the umbrella over the rest of Ephesians, chapter 5. It's actually the umbrella over Ephesians 5.22 through 6.9. And here's why that's important, because in all of those relationships the husband-wife relationship, the verb used there is not a mutual submission verb. In the parent-child relationship, not mutual submission Children are called to hearken to the voice of their parents. Parents are not called to submit to their children. And in the third one, slaves and masters. Masters are not called to submit to their slaves, slaves are called to submit to their masters. So in each one of these contexts, submission works in one direction there is a person who is the head and there's a person who's called to submit to the one who is the head.

Speaker 3: 34:25

Therefore, because of all of these things, the idea that we've misunderstood Paul's teaching here about the husband and his headship in his home is not an acceptable explanation for the text. Instead, what we get is Paul is very clear and unambiguous, and the husband is to exercise headship in his household. Now here we have the household codes. Whenever you see the household codes for example, if we go to Colossians, chapter 1, or if we go to 1 Peter, chapter 3, or if we go to Titus, chapter 2, always either right before or right after, you have husband and wife, you have children and parents and you have slaves and masters. These are household codes.

Speaker 3: 35:13

So the first thing we see about a man's leadership in his household is this that a man's leadership in his household goes to his government of all the affairs of his home. A man's leadership in his household goes to the government of all the affairs in his home First. Yes, there is the idea of a man and his headship and his leadership with his wife. Unfortunately, for many of us, that's sort of where we stop the whole thing is about. Is the man the head of his marriage? Yeah, the man's the head of his marriage, but please don't stop there. The man is also the head of his household as it relates to the training and discipleship of his children, which means men cannot and must not abdicate when it comes to the training and discipleship of their children.

Speaker 3: 36:03

Here's the great irony? The great irony is we have men who want to stand up and pound their chest. Yes, the Bible says I am the head. I am the head of my marriage. So when my wife and I have a disagreement, I have the last word. Hurrah ahead of my marriage. So when my wife and I have a disagreement, I have the last word. Good for you.

Speaker 3: 36:22

Let me ask you this Are you the chief and principal discipler of your children? Well, see, when my wife and I, when we're trying to, I'm the boss of her. Have you laid a roadmap for how your children learn to believe the right things in order that they might be transformed by the gospel? But see, the Bible says that my wife, she's supposed to See. That's where we want to end.

Speaker 3: 37:09

But the text says fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Does this mean that my wife doesn't have a role to play in the discipleship of my children? No, any more than it means that my wife doesn't have a role to play in any of the other aspects of our family life. But the idea here is that I am to exercise headship when it comes to the discipleship of my children. We have lost this. We have lost this, we have missed this.

Speaker 3: 37:42

And let me say a word in particular to those of you who are considering the ministry. There has been an idea in generations past you take care of God's business and he'll take care of your family. This same idea is the idea that has allowed evangelists to be world-renowned, while they spend three, four, five, six months at a time away from their families in the name of serving the Lord. This attitude has been the excuse for pastors who devote their lives to taking care of the problems in everyone else's household, while they neglect their family, so commonly that we have a phrase called the PK, which refers to these neglected, untrained, undisciplined, undiscipled children who grew up in pastors households but were not discipled there.

Speaker 1: 38:41

We're going to pick that up next time. Part two that is great, but before we leave, I can. I can hear someone saying right now I know I hear that right now someone saying well, what if the wife is a better leader in the home or has greater intelligence or more, uh, have more ability than her, than her husband? And I put it this way think of a tractor trailer. It may be bigger and carry more cargo than a tiny car going down the road, but nevertheless that tractor trailer doesn't have the right of way but must yield as instructed at a stop sign or yield sign. God has created a place for the husband on the highway and his wife must yield to the sign within the will of God. It doesn't mean that the wife can't disagree with the husband, but it does mean that God has placed the husband in a position to be honored. This is a great, great, great sermon. We'll pick this next time on the next podcast. Thank you, this has been Biblical Talks. Have a blessed day.