The Father's Role and Male Leadership: Upholding Biblical Family Structures Pt 2

Discover the transformative power of leadership within the Christian family with Voddie  Baucham in a profound dialogue on the roles of husbands and fathers. As we navigate the complexities of headship and submission, we promise you'll gain invaluable insights into the parallels between the guiding satellites of warfare and the moral and spiritual direction men must provide at home. Our discussion extends beyond traditional marital roles, calling for men to actively shape their children's faith, and we share an inspiring narrative of a domestic worker whose life was changed through the practice of discipleship at home.

With Voddie Baucham's wisdom and experience enriching our conversation, we dissect the Biblical perspective on the home dynamic, redefining the essence of authority, obedience, and the nurturing of love and unity as intended by scripture. The principles of Christ-like leadership and the heartfelt love that husbands are called to embody in their marriages are brought to the forefront, challenging us to emulate the Savior's devotion and sacrifice. Tune in for an episode that not only reinforces the sacred bond of marriage but also empowers you to foster a home environment that honors Christ and exemplifies the gospel in the most intimate of human relationships.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:32

Welcome to Biblical Talks. I am Michael Tolliver. Satellites are often used to show us where the enemy is located. Satellites also provide pictures and viewpoints so that we are kept from being ambushed and trapped. Satellites also provide information critical for being victorious in war. Husbands and fathers are supposed to be like satellites, providing security and leadership for their wives and providing a viewpoint for their kids in order to keep them from being ambushed in a world that is going mad. Let us finish listening to Votum Bakum's sermon on leading as a husband and a father.

Speaker 2: 1:16

Sermon on leading as a husband and a father Leadership in his household is this that a man's leadership in his household Goes to his government of all the affairs of his home. A man's leadership in his household Goes to the government of all the affairs in his home First, yes, there is the idea of a man and his headship and his leadership with his wife. Unfortunately, for many of us, that's sort of where we stop the whole thing is about. Is the man the head of his marriage? Yeah, the man's the head of his marriage, but please don't stop there. The man is also the head of his household as it relates to the training and discipleship of his marriage. But please don't stop there. The man is also the head of his household as it relates to the training and discipleship of his children, which means men cannot and must not abdicate when it comes to the training and discipleship of their children. Here's the great irony. The great irony is we have men who want to stand up and pound their chest. Yes, the Bible says I am the head. I am the head of my marriage. So when my wife and I have a disagreement, I have the last word. Good for you. Let me ask you this Are you the chief and principal discipler of your children. Well, see, when my wife and I, when we're trying to, I'm the boss of her. Have you laid a road map for how your children learn to believe the right things in order that they might be transformed by the gospel? The Bible says that, my wife, she's supposed to See. That's where we want to end. But the text says, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Does this mean that my wife doesn't have a role to play in the discipleship of my children? No, any more than it means that my wife doesn't have a role to play in any of the other aspects of our family life. But the idea here is that I am to exercise headship when it comes to the discipleship of my children. We have lost this. We have missed this, and let me say a word in particular to those of you who are considering the ministry.

Speaker 2: 3:52

There has been an idea in generations past you take care of God's business and he'll take care of your family. This same idea is the idea that has allowed evangelists to be world-renowned, while they spend three, four, five, six months at a time away from their families in the name of serving the Lord. This attitude has been the excuse for pastors who devote their lives to taking care of the problems in everyone else's household, while they neglect their family, so commonly that we have a phrase called the PK, which refers to these neglected, untrained, undisciplined, undiscipled children who grew up in pastor's households but were not discipled there, and it's sin pure and simple. My first calling, my first ministry, is to be Bridget's husband and Jasmine Trey, untrained, undisciplined, undiscipled children who grew up in pastor's households but were not discipled there, and it's sin pure and simple. My first calling, my first ministry, is to be Bridget's husband and Jasmine Trey, elijah, asher, judah, micah and Safia's father Yep, this many. That's my job. Go and make disciples of every people group. We love that great commission, don't we? Baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all the things that I've taught you. Let me ask you this how dare I do that out there and not do it at home? How dare I disciple your children and fail to disciple mine? That is my duty as a father. This last one we're uncomfortable with this idea of a father and his headship in the context of a slave-master relationship. Let me explain this to you, and this one it used to be difficult for me as well.

Speaker 2: 6:29

There's a family in our church who got an opportunity to move to the Middle East, and there in the Middle East, this individual was a pilot. He was recruited by an airline over in the Middle East. There, in the country where they live, it is common for households to have servants. In fact, you can't find a place to rent there that doesn't have servants' quarters attached. It is just absolutely calm. It's the air they breathe, it's the way things are. Well, he's there for a little while and you know we're, we're Skyping, we're keeping up with one another and, um, I have had two opportunities now to go and visit with them there in the middle East and to preach there, and it's been incredible.

Speaker 2: 7:13

But here's what began to happen. I began to get these messages from him. We began to talk on Skype about the incredible things that were going on with their maid, their servant, this woman from another country who is in that Middle Eastern country basically to serve as a servant, as a housemaid. The airline that hired him pays him a salary, also pays for them to have a housemaid, and some incredible things begin to happen Like. They began to invite their maid and her husband into their household with them for family worship every day and as a result of it, this Sri Lankan maid and her husband were converted. Not only was this Sri Lankan maid and her husband converted, but other Sri Lankan maids began to hear about the relationship that this woman had with her master, as they call them, and would just sort of show up around the house from time to time. And when they showed up around the house they would be invited to join the family in family worship.

Speaker 2: 8:31

And so, long story short, my first trip to go visit them in the Middle East, first opportunity to go and preach there, I had the privilege of going out into the ocean in Dubai, in the United Arab Emirates. Here's the Burj Dubai. You know that huge hotel that looks like the sail of a boat. I'm standing in the shadow of a Burj Dubai. There's Muslims airwear not everywhere, airwear that's beyond everywhere. All right, they're at the beach with the hijab on the whole nine yards, and I walk out into the ocean baptizing Sri Lankan maids and butlers. Can I just tell you the truth real quick. I was scared. It's like people are going to drown me.

Speaker 2: 9:33

What an incredible testimony, as the household codes A man shepherding his wife, his children and his servants, and God blessing the work. Male leadership in the home is comprehensive. In the home is comprehensive. You're responsible to set the trajectory for your entire household In the time that we have. Let me say this because I want this to be clear Male headship in the home is not something that is achieved through domination. It's something that requires submission. In fact, look with me beginning in verse 24. Verse 22, I'm sorry, notice he doesn't say husbands make your wives submit. He says in verse 22, wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. This is not something that's forced on a wife.

Speaker 2: 11:02

This is why I say to young men if you find a young woman that you're interested in and she is unsubmissive, run, do not pass, go, do not collect $200. Get out now. By the way, when I say she's unsubmissive, I don't mean she's submissive to you Because she's not called to's submissive to you Because she's not called to be submissive to you. I get that sometimes too. You know my girlfriend. She's not really submissive to me.

Speaker 2: 11:34

My response to that complaint is always good for her, yeah, but she's supposed to be submissive, right? Yeah, to her husband. Put a ring on her finger. Have you married her yet? Then she must not submit to you.

Speaker 2: 11:55

Well, wait a minute. If she's not supposed to submit to me until I'm her husband, then how will I know if she's submissive? Watch her with her father. Why? Because that's the only context wherein she is now commanded to submit to male headship. Yeah, but you don't know her father's relationship with her. I don't care. Yeah, well, you know, I mean, they're just like special mitigating circumstances, really. Because I don't care. Yeah, well, you know, I mean, they're just like special mitigating circumstances. Really, because I don't care. Because a daughter's submission to her father is not based on her father's worthiness, it's based on God's command.

Speaker 2: 12:34

Now here's what I want to ask you, sir what makes you think that this woman will find an excuse not to submit to the man who gave her birth and shelter and food? But somehow you're going to be so fine that she'll just gladly submit to you. You better wake up. If she doesn't submit to her father because her father is flawed, then she will not submit to you, because you too, sir, are flawed. And if you marry an unsubmissive woman, you're in a world of hurt. What are you going to do? Are you going to arm wrestle her for leadership in your home? Going to do? You're going to arm wrestle her for leadership in your home?

Speaker 2: 13:30

The next context children obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment, with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Children are called and commanded to submit to their parents. They're commanded to. It is god who calls this.

Speaker 2: 13:53

When it comes to slaves and their masters, go down to verse five slaves obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ. So in each of these contexts, god does not say sir, you are the head of your household, you must rule with an iron fist and force everyone in your home to bow the knee to you. Absolutely not. The idea is that they submit to you out of reverence for God. So if someone is not submitting to you within the context of your household. First thing we need to know this is universal your headship in your household. Secondly, it requires submission from those under your leadership. But how do they achieve that? By you shepherding them. That's how, by you shepherding them. That's how, by you shepherding them, what do you do with your wife?

Speaker 2: 14:53

Go back to 525. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. When men come to me and say, oh, my wife has a submission problem, okay, fine, she has a submission problem and she has to deal with that before God.

Speaker 2: 15:22

But let me ask you a question Are you discipling her? Is she being washed with the water of the word? Are you bringing the truths of God's word to bear in her life so that she is being built up and sanctified in him? Are you living with her, as Peter says in first Peter three chapter, chapter three, verse seven, in an understanding manner, as with a weaker vessel. Are you praying for her? Are you falling on your face before a holy God, begging him to sanctify your wife, or are you merely pointing your finger at her, saying you are not submitting With your children? How do you get them there? Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Are you discipling your children? Is your discipline designed to bring them to the cross or merely to outward obedience With your servants? Look at verse 9. Masters, do the same to them. Stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their master and yours is in heaven and that there is no partiality with him. Are you conducting yourself as a follower of Jesus Christ and bringing God's word to bear in all the relationships within the context and confines of your home, that the result might be that your discipleship would bear fruit in the lives of everyone over whom God has given you charge. How different is this from me? Man, you woman me, speak, you do. This is the picture of biblical leadership in the context and confines of the home. This is what it means for a man to lead in his household.

Speaker 2: 17:52

There's a final piece here, and the final piece here goes back to what we spoke about on last night. Remember, this is all about what Christ, his body and its unity, the glory of Christ manifested in his body, the church, and in its unity. That's what we see in the indicative half of the book of Ephesians, those first three chapters. Now we get to the imperative half of the book of Ephesians, these last three chapters, and remember these imperatives. We have the ability to accomplish these imperatives because of what Christ has done in us. We've seen that in the first three chapters and we are motivated to accomplish these imperatives. Why? Because of our desire, as followers of Christ, to see his glory manifested and magnified in those places where he has given us dominion. So what's your desire, what's my desire when it comes to my wife and my headship being exercised there? Here it is.

Speaker 2: 19:07

My relationship with my wife is a living, breathing illustration of the relationship between Jesus Christ and his church. I desire to exercise biblical, christ-honoring headship in my marriage because it is a picture of Christ and for me not to exercise that kind of headship in my marriage is a blasphemous act against my Lord and Savior and Master, jesus Christ. My desire for my wife to submit to me is not just so that I can feel powerful, but my desire is centered around the fact that she is called to submit to me as to Christ, that her submission to me is actually an act of worship toward Christ. So a wife who is not submissive to her husband has a worship disorder.

Speaker 2: 20:02

First and foremost, my headship with my wife centers around my desire for her to be sanctified and built up as a member of Christ's body. But not only is she a member of Christ's body, she's a member of my body in this mysterious one flesh union. I don't know who first said it to me, but I keep it in my mind. She's not just mine, she's me. She's not just mine, she's me. She is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. So my desire is to see her built up because she's a member of the body of Christ and I desire his body to be built up and for him to fill all things. My desire for our unity has to do with the fact that she's a member of my body as well. We are one flesh. She's not just mine, she's me Also.

Speaker 2: 21:03

This picture that we paint of the relationship between Christ and his church has an impact, first and foremost on our children, who see this on a daily basis, but secondly on our servants, who also see this on a daily basis. So there is this picture of the truth of the gospel that we proclaim that is being lived out in the context of this marriage relationship. It does not replace the gospel, it is not the gospel, but it reinforces the message of the gospel. That changes my focus, it changes my everything. It changes my everything when a man comes to me and says I'm finished, I can't do it anymore, I'm leaving. Where are you going, sir? You can't do that. Yes, I can. No, you can't. You're her head. Head can't leave the body. You can't. You're her head. Head can't leave the body. You don't want to run around headless. I don't understand all that. I'm just leaving. No, you can't leave. Where are you going? Go, love your wife. You're commanded to love your wife. Husbands. Love your wives, as Christ loved the church.

Speaker 2: 23:05

My desire for my children is what that my children would come to know. Christ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. What is my desire with my children? That they would make me proud and become doctors and lawyers and quarterbacks and whatever. My desire for my children is that they walk with God. My desire, first and foremost, is that they would be saved. My desire is that they would know Christ, and that desire must lead all other desires. Everything else must take a back seat to that.

Speaker 2: 23:45

Why first half of the book Christ, his body and the unity thereof. I want my children to be part of the body of Christ. I want my children to be redeemed, the body of Christ. I want my children to be redeemed. I want Christ to be glorified as my children come to faith in him. I want the father to be glorified as the son gives my children to him as a gift that is then reciprocated because the father first entrusted them to him. And I know that this happens through the proclamation of the gospel. So I preach the gospel to my children again and again, and again, and my desire for their obedience to my headship has to do with them knowing Christ, not with impressing you. I want their hearts, I want them saved. I want them saved.

Speaker 2: 24:42

God made they're also made an argument that I've just never been able to get away from. And he says as you look at your children. Remember that that sin nature from which they need to be delivered, was inherited from Adam through you. You gave it to them. Rid them of it, if you can. They suffer under the curse directly through you. Do everything that you can to deliver them from that. Oh, how many parents have fallen on their face before God praying that their child would get into the right school, but have not spent one hour begging God that their child might get into heaven.

Speaker 2: 25:30

I want my children saved first and foremost, and so my headship and my leadership in my home as it relates to my children must center around this desire, above and before all else, that they might know Christ in the pardon of their sins. This is real headship. Why is this important? Why is it important that we know the opposition that is out there? Why is it important that we fight for this ground? Here's why it's important that we fight for this ground First and foremost. It's important that we fight for this ground First and foremost. It's important that we fight for this ground because people are not just arguing against us, they're arguing against God. I don't write the mail, I just deliver it. And it is important that we refute those who contradict sound doctrine Titus 1.9. That is my job to refute those who contradict sound doctrine. Here's the second reason that this is important.

Speaker 2: 26:40

If the picture of male headship in the home is an illustration of the relationship between Christ and his church, then anything that would mar that image is actually working to profane the truth about Christ. We can't have that. Here's the other problem. God has designed marriage to function in a way that brings glory to his name and that fulfills his design, and that design centers around male headship. If we undermine this fundamental truth, we begin to undo all.

Speaker 2: 27:29

So what do we see? We see marriages that are shipwrecked because of a failure to understand this issue. We see wives that wrestle with and run away from submission to their husbands, listening to and sounding more like the feminists. We see men who have no idea whatsoever what real headship is, which results in either passivity in men, where they completely fade to the background, or hyper-masculinity in men, where they turn into Rambo, neither of which is acceptable. The idea is for biblical male headship a man who understands his role, doesn't back down from his role, doesn't apologize for his role and is terrified because he understands the magnitude of his responsibility. That's the picture. Because he understands the magnitude of his responsibility. That's the picture. Now you go and do likewise.

Speaker 1: 28:48

Let's pray. What a wonderful sermon that was. If husbands are going to be biblical lovers, they also must become biblical saviors. Jesus Christ died for us, not because we were lovable, but in order to make us lovable. The Bible says Jacob loved Rachel so much that he worked 14 years to gain her hand. And that's a high price to pay, but it's a reasonable price tag for love.

Speaker 1: 29:40

Too many men want to run away from their wife when there's a problem, but if there was no problem, If your wife was perfect, she would need a savior. Christ looked at us in our mess and he says you have a savior here. I am Beloved Lord. Godly means if there is no sacrifice, there is no sacrifice, there is no love. A husband who truly loves his wife says If you want out of this marriage, you're going to have to leave me because I'm not going anywhere. No matter how you treat me or whatever happens, I want you to know you have a Savior Only a man who has abandoned himself to the kingdom of God and to God's agenda rather than his personal agenda. That's the only one who can make this kind of level of commitment. That's the only one who can make this kind of level of commitment. May that be me, may that be you and may that be all those who are part of the kingdom of God. Thank you for listening to biblical talks. Have a blessed day.