Real Life Investing With Jason & Rachel Wagner

26. Embracing Vulnerability: Rachel's WHY and the Journey Through Motherhood and NFL Auditions

• Jason & Rachel Wagner • Season 3 • Episode 3

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As I recount my leap back into the world of auditions post-motherhood, you'll hear the raw account of my journey—from the vulnerability that comes with reaching for dreams to the determination stoked by your support. I share my WHY and the un-doing of how my mind naturally talks to itself to create a more supportive and inspiring voice from within. 

Speaker 1:

Welcome back to the show everybody. This is another episode of the Real Life Investing Podcast, except this time you are here with just me, rachel Wagner. If you listened to the last episode, you heard that I was contemplating the idea of doing a spinoff podcast. If you follow the show, you know Jason did a spinoff of the Wagner report and, more specific, into all real estate. This is not that this will be more specific in following my personal growth journey and audition updates. So if you're here for real estate, this is not that. This is instead following my journey. So if you're interested, I'm gonna take a stab at this and see how it goes.

Speaker 1:

I have shared previously that I am pretty hesitant and very self-conscious at being vulnerable and out there in general, just about like all aspects of life, and it is a goal for me this year to try and overcome that and share more. And I set that goal because when I have put myself out there and I have shared things, I've had really positive feedback from people and I really wanna say thank you to everybody who's encouraged me and has provided me feedback along the way, because it means so much to me and I take it to heart. It's helping me get to the next step of sharing, and my goal in sharing is to track and document my journey, if for no other reason than to let my girls hear it later in life as they're going through their own journeys. But also my hope is to motivate specifically other women, other mothers, who find themselves unsure of what they're doing or feeling disconnected to how they spend their time every day. And hopefully, listening to my struggles in that and my journey and overcoming that, you'll find a way to identify what it is that you wanna do or find a way out of that funk and hopefully find yourself in a more fulfilling, happy version of yourself. So hopefully this will be that for you. We'll see. We'll see if I keep going. I don't know. I'm making no commitments, but I did wanna share what my plans are with this audition journey.

Speaker 1:

So if you're just tuning in, two years ago I had just completed 75 Hard and had hired a life coach and through that coaching process determined that I had this like unsettled business or unfinished business if you will of wanting to audition for a professional team dance team, and I had dabbled in auditioning early in my 20s. My mindset was absolutely terrible and I kind of made it far enough to know I could compete, but I never made it to finals and what I've reflected on is I also never did anything to make myself more competitive for the next season. So I went and auditioned and I did well and I was like, wow, that was awesome. I definitely wanna come back next year. No-transcript, do anything different. Like I just showed up the exact same mindset, the exact same talent and even the exact same outfit and like I didn't do anything different, like I didn't learn from that experience to better myself and put myself in a better situation.

Speaker 1:

Anyways, three years ago I auditioned for the Cincinnati Bengals. I had just had my second daughter. I was like 10 months postpartum and I shockingly made it to finals and was like beyond myself that I could make it that far. Having been out of dance for so long and being in my mom at 30s and being a mom of two was just like how was this possible? It was incredible, did not make the team and really didn't even have an expectation of making the team. I was just so genuinely happy to be there, but when I left that experience, I was so inspired and motivated to be like wow, like I touched the dream and I want that so bad.

Speaker 1:

So I spent the next year prepping and really training to go back to auditions, made it to finals again and did not make the team. I got cut. You know, I kind of knew at dress rehearsal it was just a vibe and a feeling you get, especially if you've been through the process. You kind of get a sense of whether or not you're still in the running or whether or not they're still watching you. And I knew at dress rehearsal that I was done and instead of like using that as a little bit of a chip on my shoulder to push and really show them at the final showcase that I could do this and that they were wrong and I should still be in the running, I really allowed it to impact my mindset in my dancing and I had a good audition. It was clean, I smiled, I looked the fittest of my life, but you could see when you watched me in my performance that I was a little defeated. So ultimately I didn't make the team. But during that finals process I talked with some other women there who were working with a coach and I was like what do you mean? Like you're working with, like your college dance team coach or like what are you talking about? And I learned that there are companies out there that specialize in prepping you for professional cheerleading and professional dancing and you can work with women who have been on professional teams and they will coach you one on one to help prepare you for whatever team it is that you're seeking. I was like wow, like that sounds incredible.

Speaker 1:

Because when I looked back over my dance career, I hadn't had a dance coach or really teacher since my junior year of high school really my senior year of high school. I didn't take class. I had a choreographer do a senior solo for me, but I didn't take classes. And then going into college, I went to a college that was all student led dance programs. So Viscats had like an advisor, but not somebody who was there coaching us. We just had our captains, which are, of course, your peers, and then same with dance company it was student led. So like I didn't have someone coaching me and really critiquing what I was doing to really help me get better.

Speaker 1:

And then moving into the professional adult world, like same thing, right, like there's not really somebody there guiding you or critiquing you on specifics. So like listening to this, I was like wow, like that sounds insanely beneficial, like I need to learn more about this. So I did and I guess my update is I am working with a coach, one-on-one specific for dance. She was on the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders and has danced with the loveables and is really helping me work on my style and my performance, which were two of, like, my biggest critiques from the coaches last year is my performance. So I am working on that. I work with her once, sometimes twice a week, one-on-one, to really perfect my skills. And then, of course, like following and what Jason and I had done in the past with the 75 hard tasks, the diet, the working. Now I added cold plunges to my list of tasks and ways that I'm physically preparing.

Speaker 1:

But what I found is that what's most important for me in prepping for this is my mind, like it is not allowing myself to be talked out of it, not allowing myself to feel guilty for doing it and not allowing myself to feel embarrassed. I kind of shed some light in the last episode that Jason and I did together and like I don't share this very much or historically, because fear of embarrassment. So I feel embarrassed to share this mostly because of my dance friends and people that I know in the dance community is it's like well, how could you think you're good enough to do that? Like that's the conversation that I have with myself in my head is like if I put this out there, that I'm auditioning, everybody who knows me as a dancer or who has danced with me is gonna be like you're not good enough for that right. Like that's where my mind goes, just like so negative and like doesn't help my mindset at all.

Speaker 1:

And then the other reason some hesitant to share is the people who are like you're a mom, like why shouldn't you be spending your time with your kids? Or like doesn't your husband need help in his business? And like this is this is my hesitant, you know, in sharing, but it's also my hesitancy and like even doing it as I have guilt. I have mom guilt of being away from my kids or, you know, chasing a dream when I should just be mothering them. And so I really have to like undo that mindset and remind myself that this is also for them. This is also to demonstrate to them the importance of not only having a dream, but having the courage to chase it, no matter your circumstance, and the dedication and discipline to work towards it, because that's what is going to get you there right. It's like it's one thing to dream it, it's another thing to actually decide and work towards it consistently. And so I have to remind myself that don't, don't cheat yourself, don't talk yourself out of this, because this is just as important to their growth and their development as it is to me fulfilling that dream.

Speaker 1:

And then you know, with the working with your husband thing, that that comes up a lot and I definitely have, like self conscious, guilty doubt about it and I am actively readjusting my mindset. I guess this is my point of this whole thing is like how I'm adjusting my mindset is I actively have to do it regularly. And with that I'm reminding myself that there was a time where I was the breadwinner and I was holding down our finances and working, while Jason was chasing his dreams, and when he first started in real estate it was several years before he really had a consistent income, and so we've basically kind of flip flopped right, and that is an agreement that we've had amongst ourselves in this marriage. And so while I don't, you know, like to think about what other people think also doesn't matter, like Jason and I are purposely doing this and he is so supportive of me and wants to see me succeed and has shared that. It's one of his biggest whys, because he shares that he wouldn't have been able to do what he did If it wasn't for me supporting him in the way that I did, and so I'm using that as my motivation to keep going right, because now he's making the sacrifice for me and working really, really hard to keep our finances rolling, keep his business rolling, while supporting me and chasing this dream so actively, adjusting that mindset as well. So I guess to share my why.

Speaker 1:

Again, as I mentioned in the last episode, it's really trifled right. I am chasing the stream for the kid, the teenager inside of me that was so defeated by not making her high school dance team and allowed that experience to define her as a dancer and Keep her from having confidence in pursuing those dreams. I'm dancing for her. I'm pursuing this for that person. I'm also pursuing this for my kids future dreams, because I know they will have them and I know that will come with some self-doubt and I want to be able to show them and demonstrate to them and it is possible when you put your mind to something you work hard towards something. It doesn't matter what phase of life you're in or what your circumstances or what your history has been, or what other people think, or even how many knows you get. It literally doesn't matter. You can still chase and pursue and achieve your dream, and I hope that they always know that and I hope we as parents can always support them in that.

Speaker 1:

And then the third is for other women and other mothers out there who feel like, what a shoulda coulda. I wish I had done this before, because that was me when I, when I was in those coaching sessions with Hayden, it was just like gosh, like I wish I had done that, because I have such a passion for it, I have such a dream for it and I I stupidly didn't focus on it or, you know, do it when it would have made sense to do it. Like it made a lot more sense to chase this dream in my 20s. And then it does to chase it now, right, but instead of like living with that Regret of not, you know, chasing my dream, I'm saying I still can, right, and so it's. I Hope other women see that too, is it? It's never too late to chase your dreams. You will never regret chasing your dreams, but you may always live with the regret of not chasing them right, like.

Speaker 1:

One thing that I've noticed this year is like Going through this process again. If it doesn't work out. I truly believe that I will have the closure that I've needed of I did everything that I possibly could and I'll feel good about that. Like this year, I'm working, you know, one-on-one with a trainer and I'm really focused and really dialed in and I really believe that this is the year I'm giving everything I possibly could. So if it doesn't work out, I will feel closure and walking away knowing that I had done everything I could Versus a couple years ago, feeling like why didn't I do that? Why? Why? You know I should have, I should have done it sooner and just living with that regret. This feeling is already so much better than having that regret and wishfulness of Missing my chance to do this anyways, I think I've kind of rambled on enough for today, but I do plan on sharing the progression of training Over the next few months.

Speaker 1:

It's February, prep classes are starting at the end of this month and Auditions will kind of start kicking off in April, and so my hope is to share with you that journey and that process and kind of when my mind's at I expected to be high and low and then also just kind of like what the the status is of Everything. So thanks for listening, hope you enjoyed and I hope I truly hope for other women and really anybody but I say women because I think we have a unique journey into Moving in a profession and then especially moving into motherhood. I think our experience as women is different, so I I hope that other women and other mothers listening, if you're not fully fulfilled and and what you're doing, feel a little bit of a spark ignite in you to identify what it is that would fulfill you and what it is that does move you and how you could take just one tiny step towards it, catch you on the next one.