Your Sister, Kimber
Your Sister, Kimber
Ep.38 Praying for a Friend
Are you sick of living lonely? Me too, friend.
We assume that friends are the answer to our loneliness problem, but what if we're skipping right on by the true balm for our loneliness? Kimber talks about how we can begin praying for God to rescue us from our loneliness and be ready to look for his answer. It might not look like you'd expect - a perfectly packaged, best friend in a box. Listen to today's episode to learn how to be expectantly watching for God to respond to your prayers for a friend.
If you're taking Kimber's challenge to pray this month, will you share about it on social? Share or tag @yoursisterkimber to let us all know you're locking arms with us in prayer that every sister in our lives would stop living lonely.
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Hey friends. Welcome to the, your sister Kimber podcast. My name is Kimber Gilbert, and I'm so glad you're here. I'm excited back from winter break and we're diving into today a little bit of a tough series. You know that and easy feeling in the pit of your stomach that you got. No one you're alone. No one wants you to be part of their life. we've all felt it. Loneliness comes for us all. Even the extroverts, the popular, the well-known among us. We all experienced loneliness because loneliness has less to do with our circumstances and much more to do with our shared experience as humans. During this new series, we are squaring off with the tough topic of loneliness. We'll be getting vulnerable with each other about our own experiences with loneliness and working together to learn how to tackle this common human experience by drawing closer to Jesus and reaching toward those around us with faith that we are all sick of living lonely. So today I'm kicking us off with a peek into how loneliness has impacted my story. I hope my words spur you on to be intentional about growing authentic community in your own life. And most importantly about pursuing friendships that honor God. And drive closer to Jesus. Friend, you know, I wish we could chat over coffee today, but this is the next best thing. I'm so glad you're here back with us in this brand new season of the, your sister Kimber podcast. Let's get started. Friends. Listen, I. I have a bit of a confession. I am a low key hypochondriac. Any small symptom that comes up health wise for me. You know, I'm going to be blowing it out of proportion. Wondering like, does this mean that I have a bigger health issue at hand? And my medical providers always shake their head at me, but yes, I am the one who Googles it and freaks myself out. I try not to, like, I know that it's a dangerous balance, but honestly, the truth is that sometimes I do get answers and it tells me that my symptoms are not anything that I need to worry about. And that does help me relax a bit. Right. But of course, sometimes it bites me in the backside. Maybe you've been there before, too with that dangerous medical Googling. But overall I am very much a person who, in general, I want to know the sickness behind my symptoms. I want to get to the root cause of the problem so that I can try to eliminate it. Right. But my husband, on the other hand, he will treat the symptoms all day. And when it comes to small aches and pains, like, yeah, that's probably fine. But when there's a real issue at hand. Treating the symptoms. Isn't going to do anything to get to the root of the issue. And I think the same is true for the symptoms of loneliness that we experienced in our lives. We often try to solve our loneliness problem by getting more connected or making friends or getting involved. And for sure those are such valuable and important things to do. As I'll share in a bay, I really do believe that God has both designed us for community and wants us to flourish within a lifestyle and transmitting community. However, he must be the source of it. We can't only use community as a means to get to God. It was never designed to uphold that kind of weight for us. Rather community outflows into our lives from the well of our relationship with God. He is the source of authentic community and only relationship with him will yield community. And it's the best form for us. Because here's the thing, loneliness, isn't only a symptom of us wanting to be in community with people like being made for that. It's ultimately a symptom of our heart's desire to be one with God. Friendship is a mechanism that the Lord uses to alleviate the loneliness, plaguing our lives. But we cannot rely on people, friends, or community to solve our loneliness problem. Our friendships were never designed to hold that kind of weight and they're never going to fully cut it. Only looking to your friendships to solve your loneliness problem. It's like treating the symptoms. Like it might make you feel better for a bit. But it's never going to address what's really going on in your heart. Only pursuing deeper relationship with your creator, with who we were designed to be in perfect community. We'll deal with that sickness, not just the symptoms. For example, consider with me for a second here. Think of a moment when you have experienced loneliness. Maybe it was 10 years ago, maybe it was this morning. I don't know. Whichever. Think of that feeling. How did you experience it? Like for me. My chest will tighten and it almost feels like anxiety is like crawling up from my feet to my fingers and like a second. I will second guess like the smallest things. And normally my self-confidence is pretty solid, honestly, but it's like instantly out the window. When I'm experiencing loneliness. So what I want you to focus on here, no matter what your response is like, whether it's like mine are very different. Um, what I want you to focus on is what do you do next? Like when you experienced that, when you feel loneliness, creeping in. What do you do next? Where do you go? Because for me, I know that I reached for my phone, like 99% of the time. And it is true. It's true that like reaching out to a friend in your lonely moments, that can be so positive because it's going to remind you that you're not truly alone. It's going to help you focus on like pouring into someone else instead of fixating on what you feel like you lack. Those are excellent things to do. But in that moment, Do you just skip over taking your loneliness to Jesus first? Like I know I often do. And it is a fine balance to strike because I do believe that moving towards others in our lonely moments, that is so valuable. And it's definitely a way that God works in our lives to answer those lonely prayers, but we can't only take our loneliness to our people and avoid taking it to God. If we want a true bomb for it. As we embark on this series about dealing with loneliness. We can't start on this shallow bedrock of ideas or tips, tricks, like ways to meet people. Like, like those things can be helpful and we will certainly get there because I love sharing that kind of thing with you guys. But in my experience, they're only lasting and effective. When they are built upon a bedrock of confidence in your identity in the Lord. As the ultimate balm for our feelings of loneliness. Thankfully for us. Jesus. He brought the cure for our, this real sickness in our soul. That manifests as loneliness His work on the cross. It dealt with that sickness. Sin separating us from God and it made authentic community with our creator possible. And, you know, man, this side of heaven, loneliness, it's going to come for us. And it's going to try to distract us and dishearten us. But what a kind God that he gave us people around us to help in that struggle but those people that he's given us. We can turn, remember that they're not the ultimate cure. He is. So the next time you feel that Pang of loneliness in your gut. Before you reached for your phone. Fran. I hope that you will take a second at least to pray. Because trusting God with our loneliness he's the only one who can truly heal us here, this is the best move that we can make. And, like I said, I don't believe that's where it's going to stop. Like it might be, it might be, you might go to God and. And your feelings of loneliness might stop there. But I do know also that scripture shows us that God loves using people in our lives to care for our souls. So I really think that he's going to answer your prayer. Like honoring you for trusting him with your hurt. By using people in your life. If you're ready to look for it, this at least has been my experience. And so I would love to start by sharing just a bit of my story with you today. And end with a little challenge for you this month. I'll share that next. Hey friends, as we begin talking about loneliness, I want you to know that. You, my friend are not alone in this fight. The enemy wants us to believe we are the only ones who experience loneliness, but it's just not true. So, if you need a lifeline today, I want to put some practical tools in your hands to grab that lifeline and start pulling yourself back into community. I want to share with you my free mini course called sticky notes. It's designed as a seven day challenge to help you grow as a community minded, sticky person. As I call it someone who helps people get and stick together. If you're longing for belonging and need a refresh on community in your life. Go to my website and see your sister kimber.com and find the resources tab on that page. You'll be able to download this mini course for free, complete it at your own pace and start engaging in community through the practical and easy to implement ideas that I provide. I really hope it blesses you friend. You are not alone in this. We're all sick of living lonely. So let's do something about it today. Alright back to the show We like to forget, but the truth is that the best stories they don't start with the happy endings. They start with honest moments, usually filled with hurt, longing, or pain. We have to start there because only through that lens, does redemption even feel significant? And in one such honest moment, my story of community began to. When I think of lonely days, this moment is like a core memory. And without it, I really don't think I would be cheering you on for initiating a play date or showing up to a small group or like championing the pursuit of authentic community in your life. My life changed because one. I'm a regular girl like you and me, she shared her story and I heard it. And two, because I asked my mighty and kind father to save me. And three, because he did. So friend, please forgive me. I want to tell you a little story. Because often my heart will speak clearly only through the form of poetry. So. Have you done this lately? Walked into a full room. Unsure if you belonged. I've done it more times than I can count. And I'll bet you've also seen how this plays out. It was Christmas 2015, I think. And I chose to briefly show up at my church's women's ministry retreat. Uh, Christmas gathering party extravaganza. I don't remember how it was branded, but showing up, this is the first brave step. I found a seat around a circular folding table with decor, maybe a candle, but a friend I knew was sitting there. Choosing a seat is the second brave step you see when walking into a full room. She was just what I needed then loud and wild. And she drew me in with her goofy infectious grin. She made way for the third brave step. Relaxing your shoulders a bit laughing. Letting someone in. Then. It was time for the speaker. She wasn't a teacher, just a girl like you and me. Lonely. That was her story. Uh, she told us how she and lonesome misery had started praying fervently for just one, 2:00 AM friend. And I thought in my head. Well, shoot. That's what I need to. She was on the answered side, had seen God faithfully provide. So I figured I too should try. So I started brave step for asking God for more. For people, belonging and community, and wouldn't, you know, it. He sent them to me. So here's what you must remember when life so lonely, it's unbearable. The enemy of your soul wants you isolated without hope that things could ever change, that someone would care for more than just your name, that you'd find a friend safe enough to share your pain. He likes you living lonely. You're vulnerable there with only your own fears and your ears. Listen, my dear, you don't have to live this way. Today could be the day you start praying for a 2:00 AM friend. Because your father knows your heart and community is such a vital part of its health. He knows it. Let him show it by asking him to send you a friend. That's where the bravery comes in. Asking him to come through for you once again. Uh, showing up and sitting down, letting your guard slowly, come down, listening and leaning in being honest, confessing struggle, even sin. Letting the light of others trickle in through your cracks. Exposure can feel threatening, but what if you're just letting the broken shell fall away to finally live once more today, not lonely, but known, cared for seen. Never alone. Ask. I really believe he'll come through when you pray. For just one, 2:00 AM friend. Friends here is a couple of things of which I'm certain. First. God wants community for you. The story of scripture tells me. So from it, isn't good for man to be alone. That's Genesis two 18. To buy this, they will know you're my disciples. If you love one another. It tells me. So let's John 1335. Scripture reveals that God wants community for his people. And to the other thing I'm certain of is God is moved to action by the prayers of his people. If you don't believe me, I want you to go read Genesis 18 right now when Abraham negotiates for Sodom to be saved. Or James five 16, which says the prayer of a person right with God is a powerful force to be reckoned with. Our prayers move the heart of God. So let's ask him for it, friends. If loneliness is wreaking havoc on your heart in this season, ask him to provide for you. I challenge you to pray fervently for just one, authentic 2:00 AM front for the next month. And see what he does in your life. We would maybe prefer that he sends us like an instant bestie, who is her perfect match that we do. Everything together and instantly bond with little effort. And in fact, I want to just for a second. I want to challenge a little bit, this idea of like a unicorn bestie that we get sold. In television and movies. Media. It's like it tells us that the pinnacle of friendship is having one best friend. You do everything together. You like read each other's mind. All the same things you love. You're perfectly compatible. You never disagree. It's like date nights out all the time, et cetera. There's a million versions, that all basically say the same thing. You should find one person to be your everything. That's what we're sold, but honestly, when it comes to friendship, I've mostly just seen this kind of expectation, either backfire or disappoint. Because do any of us really have the capacity to be everything to one friend? Like I know I'm not the perfect friend for anyone. I'm I try to be a good friend for several people, but I know I can't be there, everything. And there only because the body of Christ is rich in diversity, it relies on the gifts of many to function healthily. So why would my community life be any different? Now sure we all have different capacities for how many people are in our circles, but even those of us who are more of a, like one or two closest people kind of capacity. I still think it's so healthy to acknowledge that those one or two people may not perfectly meet all of our friendship needs. And you may not perfectly meet theirs. Like that's a very reasonable expectation. I think it's much more common to have a network of friendships, larger, small, depending on your capacity and personality and circumstances such, but a network of friendships that supports you and you. Are part of many people's networks to some in big ways, like your more important part of that network and some might be smaller or less important. Or in even like a really niche way, like maybe you're their work friend or you're the one they talk to about a specific hobby or a specific life experience. And some that you may share many similarities, interests, and a lot of time with this can look so different for everyone. I think this idea of a network, how we all work together to love one, another support each other in various capacities and various ways. Is a lot more common and maybe is a healthier expectation of ours when it comes to friendship. Then that one perfect person that we think we should perfectly connect with. Now, I'm not going to put God in a box. Like he might bring you a perfect. One, all encompassing bestie. That would be amazing. That'd be awesome. But I don't want you to be disappointed or surprised if that's not how he answers your prayer for a 2:00 AM friend. Instead, what if we. Pulled back our expectations a little bit. Into less of movie land and a little more into how this actually seems to play out in the lives of those around us. let's look for these kinds of answers to prayer and be ready to take steps of faith in the direction. Of pursuing a 2:00 AM friend, instead of expecting it to just come to us. Ready package, ready to go. Instant friendship. so the first way we can be watching expectantly for God to respond to our prayer in this way is by looking for what opportunities does he provide? You know, maybe it's an opportunity to serve or to join a life group or to grab dinner with some people who are just acquaintances right now. Um, maybe it's an opportunity to like meet someone and actually have to ask for help. Like, Don't ignore these building block moments because they're not a perfectly packaged best friend in a box kind of answer. Like that could be a moment where a friendship starts to grow. Because you decide to show up and be vulnerable because you decide to, meet a need or express the need and allow someone else to meet it. The second way. I think we can. Look for God to answer our prayers and be ready to respond. Is by looking for what surprising people he brings into your life in this next month. I think that we can get distracted by looking for this like ideal bestie, the person that we imagine, ourselves being friends with that maybe we miss the real people God has put in our lives. And said, let's look around and say, okay, I'm not going to assume God's going to bring a certain type of person into my life. Let me look around and see who he is brought to me and lean into these relationships and see where they go. And third as you're praying for a 2:00 AM from this month, I think we can look for how is God prompting you to take a step of obedience and faith in this area of your life. Like, listen for the nudges from the holy spirit, look for the opportunities and then be ready to take a step. Right like that first brave step, like I was talking about. And going to be the hardest. But I really believe that you'll start to see the fruit of your prayers. If you trust God with action. And the last question I want to leave you with friends is this. Do you believe these are just as much answers as a friendship established kind of answer. If you are in the spot where you are praying for a 2:00 AM friend, and you're like, okay, I'm going to commit, I'm going to pray for a month. And as you're looking for his answer, I hope that you'll look for ways he's working in your life right now to respond to your request, not just the like friendship established future answer that we're looking for. But how is he responding to your request right now? What opportunities is he providing? What chances is he giving you to take action and to take a step of faith in response to the opportunities he's giving you? I really believe he wants to meet you in this moment. That's my story. At least he met me in moments where I started praying. And I started seeing opportunities and I started seeing people around me, even if I didn't see the end result yet. So fran. I really can't wait to hear how he moves this month for you as you pray for a 2:00 AM friend. Sisters. I'm so glad you could join me today On the, your sister Kimber podcast. It's been a good winter break, but I'm excited to be back at it with you guys. And over the next weeks, I can't wait to continue to dig into this universal struggle of loneliness. I think the enemy has such a grip on our hearts in this area when it comes to friendship. And I know I am ready to gain some ground here, so I hope you'll plan to tune in each week to join me in this. I think God's going to do some cool stuff in our hearts. Remember, if you haven't checked out my free mini course yet do that. It will only be free for actually just a couple more weeks. And then I'll be putting out a new freebie for you guys. So if you haven't downloaded your copy of sticky notes yet, Be sure to snag that at my website, your sister, kimber.com. And while you're there, make sure you have subscribed to our community when you do you'll receive my weekly newsletter directly to your email inbox, with a preview of what will be featured on the blog and podcasts that week. Plus, I have added newly in January, some other resources and tips to help you grow friendships that honor God and Dari closer to Jesus. So be sure to subscribe on my website, it's linked in the description of this episode. Friends. Thank you so much for being part of this community. So thankful to be back with you in this new year. And I can't wait for what's to come. Until next time. It's your sister Kimber.
