Ep.40 The Rescue in Reaching Out + Courtney Rushing

Reaching out to those in your life from moments of loneliness is so hard, but there's rescue there. Join Kimber and Courtney as they discuss the challenges of various kinds of lonely seasons and why reaching out to others in those difficult moments is a risk worth taking. Courtney shares how God has worked in her life through loneliness, both in her past and presently. If reaching out is a struggle for you, Courtney gets it, but she's here to tell you why it's a blessing worth reaching for, not just hoping for.

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Transcript

Kimber: 0:09

Hey friends. Welcome to the, your sister Kimber podcast. My name is Kimberly Gilbert, and I'm so glad you're here. You know, I hear so often from people that no one prepared them for the challenge of making friends as an adult. And I think it's true. Often the transition from school where you're around people a lot and fringes are almost forced upon you to adulthood, where you have to be so intentional to build authentic friendships. It can feel like a real learning curve. And this is the struggle that I get to dig into today with my friend, Courtney. She shares with us a bit about her story of friendship, especially in that transition to doing friendship as an adult, what she's learned and where she's still working on it. And this is where we all are, right. Learning, growing together. And I'm so thankful that you're here to share this conversation with us today. I hope it helps you grow authentic community and friendships that honor God. And draw closer to Jesus. As we chat today, I hope you'll take some time to reflect on your own journey. What felt easy before that feels harder now. Lean into that when you identify it. And I hope you'll bring it to Jesus and ask him to reveal what he has for you here. you know, I wish we could do this over coffee in the corner of our favorite little shop, but this is the next best thing. I'm so glad you're here, friend. Let's get started. Hey, Courtney. I'm so happy to have you on the podcast today. Thanks for being here.

Courtney: 1:42

Hey Canberra. Thanks for having me.

Kimber: 1:44

Yeah, absolutely. Would you just start by introducing yourself or your friends listening, who may not know you.

Courtney: 1:50

Of course. I'm Courtney. I was born and raised here in Alaska. Obviously still living here. Um, my husband. We've been married for. Let's see. 13 and a half years

Kimber: 2:02

Nice. Nice.

Courtney: 2:03

Yeah. We have five children. Four boys. And one girl. They keep us pretty busy.

Kimber: 2:10

Yeah. You homeschool, right?

Courtney: 2:12

Yes, my three older ones. I homeschool.

Kimber: 2:15

Yeah. So I'm sure that keeps you quite occupied.

Courtney: 2:18

Oh, yes, for sure.

Kimber: 2:19

Is it hard, like balancing the younger two and then like the three who are like, supposed to be doing productive, productive things, or is it better having them kind of split up?

Courtney: 2:29

It's different every day. I.

Kimber: 2:30

Yeah.

Courtney: 2:32

So my older two for the most part can do a lot by themselves. But it's my first grader. I need to be more hands-on with, so if I can get the little boys too. Go. Elsewhere in play then it's good.

Kimber: 2:45

Yeah. Oh, my

Courtney: 2:46

Sometimes they have to be in the mix.

Kimber: 2:48

Sure. So developing act. I'm sure I love it

Courtney: 2:52

it is.

Kimber: 2:53

Well, Courtney, I love to start off by kind of asking my guests, just a fun question. but as I was thinking about what I wanted to ask you about, I don't know why this popped into my head. But I was like, what is the coolest thing that you have ever done? And I'm so interested to hear what your answer is. This was a hard, this is a hard question for me to ask answer as I was thinking about it, because I was like, I feel like I haven't done very many cool things. Um, in my life. But I was talking to Sean, actually, when I was writing, like getting prepared for our conversation. And he was like, well, you've processed a moose. And you've like, filleted salmon on the beach with the baby. I was like, oh, like, I guess that's it. That is pretty cool. I don't know. It's out. It's so common to us. And so. Maybe seems less cool. But what would you say for you? What is the coolest thing you've ever done?

Courtney: 3:43

I mean, the first thing that pops into my head was last March. I, well, a group of friends, we hiked Baldy. Like one in the morning or something crazy. To watch the Northern lights and it was amazing. Just the Northern lights, filling the sky above our heads. It was. It really was quite amazing. So. That's the first

Kimber: 4:04

Yeah, that's incredible. Did you guys know they were supposed to be out or was it just a lucky? Yeah. Okay.

Courtney: 4:11

Yeah, we knew. And we kind of were keeping track of like other people posting on social media to see if they were

Kimber: 4:18

Yeah.

Courtney: 4:18

be out. And if it was going to be worth it, and it was definitely

Kimber: 4:21

it. was worth it. Was that it was it really snowy when you went up or not too much.

Courtney: 4:27

It was pretty packed down is probably more icy than normal,

Kimber: 4:31

Gotcha.

Courtney: 4:31

wasn't too bad.

Kimber: 4:32

That's really fun. You know, it's so funny to me, like some of the Alaskan stuff it's like, we just, get used to it and it's like, oh yeah, like I hiked a mountain under the Northern lights. Like no big deal. But then you think about it and you're like, actually that is really cool. I really think, well, I get to do those kinds of things. So. Let's

Courtney: 4:50

Yeah, I've met so many people who are just like, oh, I'd love to see the Northern lights and. So it really makes me. Um, I don't know who love it more

Kimber: 4:58

Yeah, absolutely.

Courtney: 5:00

to do it.

Kimber: 5:01

Yeah. to see them on a more regular basis and super cool. You know, So funny as I was talking to Sean about that idea of like, you know, what I consider cool. Like, you know, things like that, like what feels cool to us? I was thinking about just one of my most formative memories of you, Courtney. I think I've told you this before, but it's like we were, out fishing. We were dip netting, which for our non Alaskan friends listening, it's just a kind of salmon fishing basically. And, I needed a ride down to the beach and I think that you're out there. I think your youngest was a baby. I think it's the it's the one is a year that it was because you had a side-by-side and you had an extra seat. And I was like, I need a ride down. And I just watched you, you have your baby on, in the little carrier on your front. And you strapped the three little boys in the back with like their Mohawk, you know, spike helmets on.

Courtney: 5:55

Yes.

Kimber: 5:56

And Lydia likes. It sits on my lap. And you're just like cruising down to the beach on this trail. Like the branches are slapping. The side of the side by side is a really thin, we're just bouncing all over the place. And in that moment, I was just like, man, if Courtney can do this kid thing, I can probably do this too. And it was just so encouraging for me, like to see you get out there and every year you, you do that and you've always done it with the kids in tow, which is just always so impressive to me and just really inspiring. And so. I'm interested to know, like, have you, I see you as like just the like brave Alaska mama, like getting out there. Going for it. Is this who you've always been like, did you just, you grew up like that or was it a bit of a learning curve for you? Like what has been your experience with that from your perspective?

Courtney: 6:44

Hmm. I would say. I don't know, I'd probably just kind of grew up. Seeing other people doing that. Like we camped a lot when I was a kid.

Kimber: 6:52

Yeah.

Courtney: 6:52

And so obviously my mom, I come from a big family of seven siblings. So obviously my

Kimber: 6:57

was the same. Yeah.

Courtney: 6:59

Yeah, like taking us out camping. But we didn't do a whole lot of hiking when I was younger, but definitely camping and going to the parks and bike rides. And. My mom somehow did it with all of us. So I'm like, okay, I can do it with five. I have less than herself.

Kimber: 7:13

Yeah. Well, I think that's, that to me is like what makes, like, why, at least for me community has been so important in my life. One of the reasons is because it's like when I'm around other people that I see. Like doing what seems brave to me, whether it seems, you know, like significant to them or not, it just makes me feel more brave. And, and so it's like, I look like, I love that you grew up kind of in that environment, seeing your mom do that. And you're like, okay, like I can do it too. And for me, like my mom did other awesome things, you know, if I were to, you know, sit down and think about that, I'm sure. But, um, man being around other women who are, I'm seeing do that, I'm like, okay, I can do this too. Like.

Courtney: 7:54

Right.

Kimber: 7:55

big deal for me. It's hard for me. Yeah, it does. It does. I'm not much of a Daredevil. Like I, I feel like I have fun when I feel safe. And

Courtney: 8:05

I with you there. I typically.

Kimber: 8:07

So for

Courtney: 8:07

that way.

Kimber: 8:08

yeah, like I need to see that, that kind of thing. And so that's one way that community has been just really blessed in my life. I think, by being around like other Alaskan mama's. Cause I feel like that is like such the way of it. If you, if you have a problem, we're all in it together and we can help each other out. So.

Courtney: 8:26

Right. Somebody has the gear you need or.

Kimber: 8:29

Yes. Exactly. Exactly. So that's Oh, that's really cool. Well, I have loved being able to witness you, you doing that? It's been a real blessing to me. So I wanted to, to share that with you. What about for you? Like, what has been your experience with community? Like, for me, it is always, I think, I think it's a real source of. Um, it helps me feel safe and secure and like taking care of. what has been your experience with community? Like, has this always been an important part of your life? or is it something that has been more of a growth experience for you as an adult? Like what has been your experience with community? How would you summarize that?

Courtney: 9:07

I would say probably four. We're joining the life. I kinda just took community as granted. Like it was there. You know, I grew up in the church.

Kimber: 9:15

Yeah.

Courtney: 9:15

Did Awana and youth group and had friends. And so. Wasn't something I necessarily had to like really work for. but then I feel like these past few years it's really become clear to me. I think you do have to work for community. It's not just something that is always going to be there. And. If you truly want, like, Deep everlasting friendships. You have to put in the work. You can't just kind of coast by.

Kimber: 9:41

Right. What do you think, like made that shift for you? Sort of like, why did you start realizing this during this time?

Courtney: 9:48

Good question. Um, maybe just kinda more like self-awareness on my part. Just kind of realizing. That may be I wasn't. Being as good of a friend as I could be.

Kimber: 9:58

Um,

Courtney: 9:59

You know, and especially after like having my fifth, he's like three and a half now. I feel like there was a big switch there. I don't really know necessarily what.

Kimber: 10:08

Yeah.

Courtney: 10:08

If there's like a specific. Moment by just have, since. Kind of in struggling through like, What is community, who is my community? How do I pursue that? And how do I. Maintain that.

Kimber: 10:20

Yeah, absolutely. I love just the opportunity that you're realizing here to like assess those things, because I think it can be hard when like you grow up in an environment that is really rich in community, which is such a blessing. but then it's like, if you do hit kind of those either just times in our lives, when it's like, oh, this feels a little bit. Harder here or, you know, it seems like, oh, I'm just like lacking a little bit. for whatever reason. to be able then to like, reflect on that and pick up the skills to like, okay. Now I, how do I do this? Why do I do this, that kind of thing. Um, what do you feel like has been like, What the shift is, or like what you're trying to learn or working on. With this idea of feeling that lack, like what have you been leaning into lately here?

Courtney: 11:08

I would say. Trying to be more vulnerable, I guess, and open. I tend to kind of just keep. Not stuck to myself, you know, the harder parts.

Kimber: 11:18

Yeah.

Courtney: 11:19

And just kind of coast. Easy friendship and try not to. Go too deep, but.

Kimber: 11:24

Right.

Courtney: 11:25

real friendships. Are made on trust and. Delving into those harder. Yeah. So I feel like that is kind of. The shift of understanding, like if I want to have this community and these friendships that are deep and are going to be there for me, then I have to be willing to. Be vulnerable, which is. Not fun at

Kimber: 11:45

Man. It's so hard. Yeah. What do you think is for you like the hardest part of being vulnerable? Like, what is the, is it just that, like, you tend to process internally? Is it like you don't, you're not as quick to share things.

Courtney: 11:58

Definitely that I do. process and keep things to myself. Typically ask the think. Probably a major part is pride.

Kimber: 12:05

Hm.

Courtney: 12:05

Don't want people to know all my messy stuff. Right.

Kimber: 12:10

Absolutely.

Courtney: 12:11

And also insecurity just.

Kimber: 12:12

Hm.

Courtney: 12:13

If I tell someone this, will they think. So they, you know, will that change our relationship? So, yeah.

Kimber: 12:20

As I've been like digging into this loneliness series that we're launching into here at the beginning of the year, I have just been so convicted that. Insecurity is at the heart of so much of my loneliness. Like I think there are seasons where it's just, you're lonely and it's not like you're doing anything wrong or whatever, but like, I think that a lot of times, for me, it is rooted in. In insecurity because it's like, I don't put myself out there or I don't, you know, reach out to that person who I think I could be friends with because I'm just insecure about. You know, well, what if they reject me or what if they think I'm, Uh, wacko or. Whatever. And so, yeah, I definitely see the insecurity card playing in. would you say that the idea of insecurity as you have been reflecting on this, have you come to anything where you're like, this is how I'm learning to battle that insecurity? Like when I feel that in the moment. Um, how are you pushing back against it? Or are you still learning that and figuring that out?

Courtney: 13:24

Um, I'm probably still learning and figuring that out. They would say. When I feel those insecurities is trying to remember that. No. Like I do know that my friends care about me. Right. They're not just going to drop me because I told them I sometimes y'all my kids. Or something like they do love me. And. Above all that God loves me. So trying to remember like, okay, like he loves me. He'll be here for me, even if, maybe at this moment I don't have a friend. Who is here for me. Yeah.

Kimber: 13:55

of resting in that. You know, and I was first talking to you about us having this podcast conversation. You told me that your loneliness, it has pushed you toward the Lord and. I, I loved that image because I think that often loneliness, it isolates us. Right? Like it makes me feel like I'm alone in a crowded room, like that kind of vibe. But. And even that it's probably like, we feel isolated even then being around people because it's like emotional loneliness, maybe even not physical.

Courtney: 14:27

Right. Yeah.

Kimber: 14:28

But I love that image of like our loneliness, that the enemy meant to push us away from others. It like incidentally sort of it, or can push us towards the Lord. And so I think that that was a really cool. Uh, way you described that. And it just seems really fitting for me of like how the Lord uses the enemy schemes to actually bring about good in our lives. And so I would love to hear more about that. Like, what has been kind of your, your story, your experience with loneliness and how have you seen, just those lonely moments draw you closer to God.

Courtney: 15:01

Yeah. I would say I'm back in high school. That was probably my. I guess I could true loneliness time. physically and emotionally.

Kimber: 15:10

Yeah.

Courtney: 15:11

Um, without going into a whole long story, I kind of. lost my friend group. And was kind of thrown into a whole nother group of people, which was fine or people I knew just no one, I was super close to.

Kimber: 15:23

Yeah. Man losing people losing a group like that is so tough.

Courtney: 15:26

Yeah. it was really tough and yeah. On top of that, my sister. Older sister graduated, left for college and I was like, oh my gosh. I rolled is falling apart.

Kimber: 15:35

Right, right.

Courtney: 15:36

But throughout that. They would just be these moments where I could just feel God's peace. Sorry. Um, where I could just throw out my loneliness and my tears. I could just feel that peace. That he was with me. And so even now, I struggle with. like doubts towards God or anger or anything towards him. I can remember those moments. And it brings him. 10 again. I know he was

Kimber: 16:03

felt he was there. Yeah.

Courtney: 16:04

Yeah.

Kimber: 16:05

Oh, that's so cool. Man, that's something that. I think it's so hard to describe. those moments where you like, feel God's presence and it does bring that peace. I've had people ask me about that before. Like what was that like? like, how did you know it was God like that kind of thing and it's, it's almost indescribable to me. Um,

Courtney: 16:23

Exactly. What I was thinking, I was like, I don't know how to describe it. Other, like, it just, it was there and I felt it and yeah.

Kimber: 16:30

Yeah, I think sometimes maybe we, we like to try to explain those things away with like, oh, well it was probably just because of this or maybe it was this, you know, but. I think it's cool when we, when we lean into those like indescribable moments or those moments where we can trust our hearts and our feelings, I think sometimes they get a bad rap, you know, but. Yeah. Yeah. Hey friend, forgive me for taking a quick moment in this conversation to ask a favor of you. I hope my conversation with Courtney is blessing you today. And if so, would you just take a moment to rate and review the show on apple podcasts? Reviews are huge in helping new friends find the show. And a bonus is I love reading. What is blessing you from the podcast? You can find the link to leave a review and the description of this episode. So thank you so much for taking a second to do that. Okay. Now back to the show. you've mentioned that the past few years have been a little bit of a challenge with the idea of loneliness as well. Um, will you tell us a little bit about that time as well? And like, how has, how has your experience with what you walked through with the Lord in high school? Like, how does that. Informing and kind of giving you confidence during this, um, this time in your life as well.

Courtney: 17:51

Well first I'd say that. The loneliness. And you know, these last couple of years, I have come to realize is probably a little more like self-inflicted loneliness. Just kind of, we talked about being vulnerable and. You know, it's. Sometimes hard to open yourself up to new relationship. And for me. My personality. I attend to just. It's easier to stay home is either to not engage. Sometimes or to decide, do things by myself versus

Kimber: 18:17

Hm.

Courtney: 18:18

I mean, thinking about doing this podcast. I've kind of come to that realization. Oh, I kind of did this to myself in a way, like I was too afraid. I think I didn't want to be hurt.

Kimber: 18:30

Yeah, that's a big part of it. Yeah.

Courtney: 18:33

so, but then I think back to, you know, high school and like, I don't, I remember. I didn't like feeling.

Kimber: 18:38

Yeah, absolutely.

Courtney: 18:40

so I'm like, okay, now I can't let myself.

Kimber: 18:43

Um,

Courtney: 18:43

be in that position again of not having. And friend group. Not having a community of people.

Kimber: 18:50

So it's almost like you're seeing like the early warning signs.

Courtney: 18:53

Yeah.

Kimber: 18:53

like, oh, wait. Hang on.

Courtney: 18:56

I don't want to go down

Kimber: 18:57

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love that. So, The idea of vulnerability is something that you mentioned. That's like, okay, I know this is probably something, that's a word that gets thrown around a lot. I throw it around a lot and our, you know, my conversations. On the podcast and stuff, because it is such an important thing. And so as we're like pressing into vulnerability, where have you seen opportunities for that in. Your life, because it's it's easy to say like, oh, I need to be more vulnerable. But I think it's hard when you are. In a season of loneliness and you're feeling insecure and you're like, oh, I don't know who I can trust with this. Or, or maybe I don't even have like people who I can, quite feel like they're safe enough to be vulnerable with. So how have you been like pushing yourself in this area? Um, Where do you think that the opportunity to kind of stretch yourself and practice this vulnerability has come up for you?

Courtney: 19:55

Um, yeah. Group at church and there has been opportunities there to be vulnerable. Um,

Kimber: 20:04

your conversations and stuff.

Courtney: 20:06

Yeah. there's definitely been times where I have not been because I'm too afraid, but the times that I did open up and be vulnerable and share something that was. You know, a little bit closer to my heart or hard to talk about. Uh, just like the support. I got from everyone, even people. And the group that, you know, might. They have like a close relationship.

Kimber: 20:28

right.

Courtney: 20:29

like, Yeah, the support and love, I felt from them in that moment. Um, Just encourages me to be a little more in the future.

Kimber: 20:37

Um, seeing the fruit of, okay. Like I risked something here. And I saw some fruit come from it. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. I feel like when women start to realize, like, we do have a level, not, I wouldn't say totally. Like I said, there's just some seasons in our lives that are lonely. but I think we do have a bit of power over our own loneliness and. It's like, okay. If I'm feeling these early warning signs, kind of like you're saying here, like if we have a friend listening here, she's like, oh yeah, I've been like, feeling those moments of kind of, you know, where you like, just get it in your gut. And you're like, Ah, I'm really discontent here. I'm feeling left out or I'm feeling like I don't have anyone to talk to you. Like just those signals not ignoring them, but saying, okay, I'm going to kind of push back. Here. And I think I love that example of like being vulnerable. Another one that, that comes to mind here is just the idea of like reaching out you know, Instead of just sitting in our loneliness and saying like, oh, I don't have anyone like reaching out ourselves for communities and friendships. Like it doesn't. make us weak or needy or weird, like, you know, it's, it's something we have to do. I think as adults. And so what has that learning process been like for you? Is that something that, you have, would you say you're good at the, your learning in that's a struggle for you reaching out when you're feeling that rather than just like wishing someone would reach in.

Courtney: 22:06

Yeah. I mean, that was definitely a learning curve. Like. No, I can't just expect other people to. Realize I need them to reach out, right? Like. They can't read my mind.

Kimber: 22:18

I know.

Courtney: 22:19

They're not mind readers. And so. Yeah, I just having to learn like it's okay to reach out and say, I'm having a bad day or can we meet for coffee and. Just kind of maybe trying to be brave in that first step. And it's hard. It's not always easy. But I always feel better after I do.

Kimber: 22:38

Yeah. Yes, because it's such like a I mean, sometimes I guess we might have someone say like, No, sorry. I never want to see you again, but like probably not.

Courtney: 22:50

Probably not, I've never experienced that.

Kimber: 22:53

Probably even if it's like a ways down the road. They're going to try to make some time when we can get together. And so I think that that is like the first step that I think so often. feels really hard to take, like reaching out, initiating it can be, it can feel like a burden, but, I think it is, it is so important, especially as, like I said, like as adults, I think it's so easy to like, get kind of wrapped up in like your nuclear family, especially once you have kids. It's like, and I mean, I would love to hear your perspective on this with like a bigger family, You know, how do you juggle, like taking care of your nuclear family and like being present for them and all that stuff. And also like pursuing friendships intentionally and like providing for your needs as like a mom, you needs friends, you know, that are outside of your. Your immediate family, like, what is that balance been like for you? Learning that.

Courtney: 23:47

Yeah, it's definitely a hard balance to strike. Um, especially homeschooling my kids. Like they're here with me all the time. So I

Kimber: 23:53

Yeah.

Courtney: 23:54

like. And you break a lot from them, but at the same time, like I need to be here.

Kimber: 23:58

Right.

Courtney: 23:59

so yeah, I just trying to figure out Just making sure, like my kids' needs. But that I'm not like just pouring my whole self into being mom. Losing myself in that.

Kimber: 24:11

Yeah.

Courtney: 24:12

And stuff. You know, a harder. past to take, just trying to figure out. How do I be mom and Courtney and a wife and a friend. And. All those things.

Kimber: 24:23

It's such a big thing, like a big problem. We're not problem, but challenged to learn. Yeah.

Courtney: 24:29

Yeah, it is. And I think for me, just being really intentional about. Making that time to. Go do something with my husband or with my friends. Apart from my kids. I still, you know, Try it. You know, take my kids with me to do things. We do hikes in the summer in parks and stuff. But just having that time where I can just go. Hike with my friends or. Take a walk. Or, you know, whatever it is. Something just so loud.

Kimber: 24:59

that time. For me, it's been like, honestly, one of the hardest things has just been, like figuring out logistically how to do that. Like, You know, and, and I'm sure like every time you grow your family, It changes, but, you know, especially, I feel like. this first one for me was just a challenge because just such a switch, like I have never had to take care of a person before really. You know, like my husband's pretty self-efficient. Yeah. Like, you know, it's just, uh, it's way more all consuming. I think then, I mean, it's like, I intellectually knew that, but then like actually figuring it out for practical day to day. And so it's like learning how to Prioritize that friendship time that, you know, relationship time, marriage wise, but it's man, it's a challenge. Would you say that. being a mom and like just mom life has impacted the loneliness side of things for you? Like, I really think that it could. Go either way, like, I think loneliness could impact our journey as a mom, but also vice versa. Like I think being a mom can sometimes make you lonely. Like I think we either like to think like motherhood will solve all my problems and I won't be lonely anymore because like I have a mini me and all these built-in mom, friends and.

Courtney: 26:22

Right.

Kimber: 26:23

Or the other side is we think, oh, like motherhood is the end of my social life. I'm just doomed to never leave my house to get like, you know, and I'm sure there's little parts of each that are true, but I think there's probably a happier medium there, but. I would be interested to hear like with you as your youngest is what you said, like three. That's all right.

Courtney: 26:45

Yeah.

Kimber: 26:45

Okay. Okay. So you're like getting out of that, like baby stage or, you know, kind of moving into the more kid stage. So like, how have you seen like mom hood, especially those younger years when like they are so needy and can't really, you know, fend for themselves at all. Um, How did that impact loneliness and vice versa for you?

Courtney: 27:09

Yeah. And motherhood can be very lonely. The younger years when you are at home more because the baby needs. Bedtime.

Kimber: 27:20

Yeah.

Courtney: 27:20

After I had my seconds, my daughter. I quit working. And money was fairly tight. So I was doing my best to just like stay home and not drive places. Save gas, you know, all that. And I do think that was very lonely because that was just like at home. I also was struggling with postpartum depression. So. The combination. It was really rough.

Kimber: 27:42

Yeah. What would you say is like some of the things that brought you through that time? Like if we have a friend listening who she's like, oh man, I'm feeling that. You know, like what would be your encouragement for her today?

Courtney: 27:55

Um, reaching out.

Kimber: 27:57

Mm.

Courtney: 27:57

Like we talked about. Probably one of the biggest things that helped me at that time was my husband was like, call this friend a friend. I knew had dealt with postpartum depression. You need to talk to her.

Kimber: 28:10

Yeah.

Courtney: 28:11

I mean, this is what nine years ago. It's a postpartum depression was. Talked about, but I guess, I didn't know. Really anybody who had it other than this one friend. Like it wasn't as big of a topic as it is now.

Kimber: 28:24

Right.

Courtney: 28:25

And so I finally did reach out and call. There was just like, I don't know what to do. And so just having like someone else who understood.

Kimber: 28:33

Yeah.

Courtney: 28:33

And who could kind of talk me through. Some of it was really helpful.

Kimber: 28:38

Yeah, absolutely.

Courtney: 28:39

Yeah.

Kimber: 28:39

Who can relate to you and also like help, you know, some solutions for hops.

Courtney: 28:46

Yeah. Yeah. exactly. You can check in on you. Cause, you know, if no one knows you're struggling and they can't help

Kimber: 28:52

Yeah, absolutely. I love that reminder of like, you know, okay. who can I text? Who can I call? And, you know, I've been in a situation before where I feel like there's maybe no one locally, like if I am newer or, you know, like you kind of said in that situation, when you're a younger, when, like you kind of lost a friend group, your sister moved, like, there are definitely moments when it feels like there's no one. present. And that is so that's such a hard spot to be in because like rebuilding those friendships and stuff, it takes time. And, and so that can be a challenge, but one thing that we don't have any more is just like, For sure, like complete physical isolation. Like, do you ever think about like the women out on like the Prairie. In like, I don't know, like Prairie times, whatever that, whenever that was. And they just like didn't have anyone. Yes. I'm like, I can not imagine. I can't imagine it. But we don't have that anymore because there's always someone we can text. I think, um, And so I love that reminder of at least like reach out to someone. and say like, Hey, I need to talk or this is my problem. Or I just want another human to talk to you. That's something that I've noticed a lot with, like having a baby. I was like, I need to talk to another adult. Like.

Courtney: 30:15

Yeah.

Kimber: 30:15

Like when Sean's on

Courtney: 30:16

be around a baby for so long. Yeah. Yeah. You need that adults time.

Kimber: 30:23

No, that's such a good reminder. And we may not always have our. You know, our circumstances may not always change. And I think loneliness is related to circumstances sometimes, but I don't think it's only related. To those circumstances. Yeah. And so it's like taking control of what we can. And maybe reaching out, being vulnerable with that one person, or many, you know, depending on what your, what your capacity is. I love that reminder. So Courtney for friendless today, we talked about this a little bit specifically for kind of someone in that, that harder spot feeling isolated, but. Just for like friends listening who are kind of feeling the weight of loneliness in their lives right now. Like, like you said, you know, they're kind of feeling those early warning signs and they're like, okay, what do I do next? Um, what would be like your number one recommendation for her today, or your encouragement for her to do next? To try to fight this loneliness.

Courtney: 31:20

Um, Find a way to connect.

Kimber: 31:23

Hm.

Courtney: 31:23

Whether that's through sending the text or making a phone call. Or finding. You know, Bible study or a mom's group.

Kimber: 31:31

Yeah.

Courtney: 31:32

or. No. If you have any connections there.

Kimber: 31:35

Yeah.

Courtney: 31:35

think that first step out of loneliness is too. Just to step into friendship.

Kimber: 31:40

Step into it. Yeah. Yeah. Show up.

Courtney: 31:44

It's not just going to come automatically. It's going to take time and effort, but can be. Frustrating sometimes.

Kimber: 31:51

Yeah. it can be, it can be really hard. Especially when I think you feel like you meet the initial resistance. Like when I was living in Georgia about four years ago, which was kind of a hard time for me. loneliness wise, we had just left really rich community here. And I was like, I was thrust into this place where I didn't want to be, and I didn't know anyone. And. That was really hard for me. And I really felt like the Lord told me, like, I'm going to rescue you from your loneliness by you rescuing her from hers. Like. Reach out to her, she's lonely too. I think a lot of times we want. To be rescued out of our loneliness. And that's totally a, a very reasonable thing to ask the Lord for. But I think sometimes he is going to do that by us. making the move to try to go to someone else who's lonely. And man, it takes, it takes some courage. It takes some bravery. But I think that when we realized, like I'm not the only one who's lonely. other people around me are too. It can take some of that insecurity away. Cause it's like, if we. Are just. Kind of focusing on our own insecurity of like, oh, I'm the only one who's lonely here. You know, so I don't want to burden anyone or a risk. Them rejecting me. I think we're, yeah, we're just reinforcing our loneliness rather than. Faithfully, like stepping out

Courtney: 33:08

Yeah. Yeah. And initially you might think that. You might feel better, I guess, in a way by like, Not putting ourselves out there because

Kimber: 33:15

Yeah. Yeah.

Courtney: 33:17

But in the long run, like. You're only hurting yourself. By not. Initiating by not stepping out. And I liked what you said about how God might be. Calling you to go out to another only person.

Kimber: 33:28

Yeah.

Courtney: 33:28

Sometimes you have to just. You have to be the one to take the first step. Put into action. Whatever plan God has an artist wait for other things to come, too. And I think that was part of my problem for so long was I was just waiting for someone to comment. pull me out of my loneliness. And it was like, no. You know, God's going no. You got to do it.

Kimber: 33:51

Right. Yeah. Go. Be faithful. Yeah. Yeah. cause it's, I mean, it's an exercise in trust in many ways. I think, you know, it's like, where's my, where's my identity here. Like, where's my confidence. Like if my confidence is in, whether people always a hundred percent of the time. Except me then. Yeah. Like, being vulnerable and like reaching out to someone to try to build a new friendship. That is really scary. But if my, if my identity and confidence is rooted in the Lord, then like, even if they do reject me, like, yeah, that would be a bummer and it would probably hurt my feelings And I would have to deal with that. But. it's not going to like shatter who I am. and I think that can give us some confidence to yeah. Take that brave step.

Courtney: 34:30

Yeah, just having our identity in God, rather than in the world and the people, the world.

Kimber: 34:35

Yeah. Hm. Well, Courtney, I have loved talking with you about this today. thank you, so much for, for stepping out a little bit. I mean, you're practicing what we're preaching here. Um, because I know that I think they like coming on the podcast was a little bit out of your comfort zone. Is that safe to say.

Courtney: 34:52

Uh, yes, for

Kimber: 34:54

Okay. I've I figured that I don't like to assume that, but that was kind of my, my impression when I first was talking to you about this. And I just am really thankful that you're willing to, to share with us a little bit today. And like I said, practice what you're preaching. So it's good.

Courtney: 35:09

Well, I'm thankful you asked me. I'm very

Kimber: 35:11

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I, like I said, you have been a formative figure in my life, especially regarding motherhood and, I like to share those things because I think sometimes we, we don't know, like, you know, it's like, I see you living and doing things. I'm like, dang, that's cool. And then, it's like, if I never say it to you, this is what I actually talked about last week with, our friend Kirsten is like, tell people when they are impacting you. Like, that's another way we can reach out. And like in grow, these connections is like tell people when they're impacting you, because otherwise they don't know. And man, what a cool way to build each other up. So.

Courtney: 35:47

Yeah. And you never know. Yeah. How will your comment or observation? Help them. You know, maybe they're in a.

Kimber: 35:55

Yeah, which is another great reminder to like To be vulnerable and go and share, even if

Courtney: 36:00

Yeah.

Kimber: 36:01

scared. Yeah. I love it. Well, Courtney, in this new season of the podcast, I am wrapping up my conversations by asking about something that I have not been able to get my mind off this. A friend of mine the other day, she was talking with a group of us. And she asks the question. What makes you feel most loved seed and cared for by your friends lately? And I loved that question when she asked me. just because I feel like it helps us learn how our friends feel loved, which is I think a good thing to learn about. And also it just made me see like how different we all are and how we like give and receive friendship. And so. It's sort of like the five love languages kind of vibe, but more geared toward how we feel loved by our friends. And so I would love to hear from you to kind of wrap things up today. What makes you feel most loved by your friends? Courtney?

Courtney: 36:54

That's a great question. Um, I would say lately with. I feel most loved and seen. And my friends. Is when you ask, like appointed. Question about my life. If that makes sense. So rather than just like, oh, how is your day going? Which is. Very vague and broad. Sometimes, I don't know how to answer that. I'm like my day's been all over the place.

Kimber: 37:17

Yeah, totally.

Courtney: 37:18

Instead of being like, oh, you know, I saw you went to the zoo. How was that? You know, Or, You know, something like that. And so that makes me see. Seen and cared for and like, oh, you remembered this detail about me. And took the time to ask about it.

Kimber: 37:33

I love that. That's such a good reminder. That's so cool. So our friends listening, I challenge you to go try that with your friends this week. Try to remember something that maybe you saw on. On social media or something they were telling you about was about to happen and ask him how it was. I think that's a great, a great idea, Courtney. I love it. Well, thank you so much for being here today and talking with me. I loved it. And, your blessing to me. Fred.

Courtney: 38:01

Thank you again.

Kimber: 38:08

Sisters. I'm so glad you could join Courtney and I for this conversation on the, your sister Kimber podcast. The enemy is doing his best to keep you living lonely. But here at your sister, Kimber, we are resisting in Jesus' name. I really believe God wants a life for you. That is steeped in authentic community. So I hope this week, like Courtney shared with us That you'll turn to him. Bring your loneliness to him, ask him to show you the way through this season. And I am confident he will. And maybe friend, you feel like he is putting a learner's heart in you today? If you're in need of some tools, like you're like I'm willing to put in the work to climb out of this loneliness pit, but I just don't know where to start. I have a starting spot for you. It's seven days to help you grow as someone who is community minded and seeking to grow authentic friendships in practical ways. My sticky notes, mini course is free right now, but it will only be free for a little bit longer. So just visit your sister kimber.com, which is linked in the description of this episode and find the resources page to download it today. And lastly, if you aren't already getting my weekly newsletter. I want you to be able to access the resources in that too. It has a preview of what will be featured on the blog and podcasts that week. But also I've recently added some new resources and tips to help you grow as a friend. To join my newsletter crew. Just subscribe on my website, which you can find in the description of this episode. Friends. Thanks so much for being part of this community. Until next time. It's your sister Kimber.