Your Sister, Kimber
Your Sister, Kimber
Ep.51 Who Do YOU Say I Am? + Sue Corl
Sue Corl shares her story of learning to walk secure and beloved in her identity in Christ through lonely moments. Kimber and Sue discuss the journey of dismantling the lies we believe and how a Jesus-centered view of identity helps us navigate dark days with confidence in the truth of the gospel.
Sue is an international women’s conference speaker, wife and mother of two adult children, author, mentor, Bible teacher, founder and CEO of Crown of Beauty International, and host of His Heartbeat Podcast. She has a passion to see women set free to live in the powerful truths of who they are in Christ and the love of God. She lived twenty-five years in Asia, and currently, she travels to help women throughout Asia, Africa, Europe, the Middle East, and the U.S. Connect with her at https://www.crownofbeautyinternational.com/
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hey friends. Welcome to the, your sister Kimber podcast. My name is Kimber Gilbert, and I'm so glad you're here. Today we're wrapping up our series on loneliness, which has been all about how loneliness comes for us all, but we can learn to handle it in ways that honor God and draw us closer to Jesus. The truth is that loneliness is a universal experience. But when we have our identity firmly rooted in Christ work and affection for us, his daughters, we will be more equipped to walk through these seasons with the Lord near to help us reject the enemies lies. Today, we're talking about this with my friend, Sue coral of crown of beauty international. She's an author, speaker, missionary, and host of the, his heartbeat podcast. But foundationally, she is a daughter loved by God. And her heart beats for women all over the world to grow in their relationship with Jesus by discovering their identity in Christ. I hope our talk today encourages you to grow authentic community rooted in the Lord. Right where you're at to help us walk through any storm we may face. I wish that we could grab coffee with Sue and hear her story, but this is the next best thing. I'm so glad you're here, friend. Let's get started. Hey Sue. Good morning. How are you doing?
Sue:hey. I'm doing great. It's not morning here, but it's a
kimber:I know, yes, you're on the East Coast, right?
Sue:yes, in Philadelphia.
kimber:Okay. Awesome. Ha. Have you always, well, I know you haven't always lived there, but is that like where you're from or is that
Sue:Yeah, I grew up here and when I graduated from college, I moved to Hawaii.
kimber:Okay,
Sue:10 years before I moved to Asia, and then I returned to Philly in 2016. So I had this massive gap and I come back, I'm like, ah, culture shock. I'm more culture shock here than when I went to China. I think
kimber:Yeah, tell us a little bit about that. Like what drew you to China? How did you end up there? What was that story?
Sue:Well, first off was my family history. On my, my mom's side. She had uncles that were in China as missionaries years upon years ago. So this is like in the. 1900 to 1950, like in that area. So I always heard stories about them. We had artifacts that they'd bring back, that kind of thing. So that intrigued me. And then when I went to college, some girls were discipling me from Penn State and one of the gals went there and went right to me, you know, all year.
kimber:Yeah.
Sue:interesting. And then in Hawaii, uh, I was in youth ministry, but I. helping with the E S L program and getting my master's in that, and it was a lot of Chinese students and I loved them. They were so fun, and I'm like, wow, this would be really cool. So I went on two or three, three, I think uh, summer teaching programs or language programs, and got a feel for what it was like to live there. So,
kimber:Hmm.
Sue:Way back when in 1991. Uh, I,
kimber:Can I say that's when I was born?
Sue:Yeah, you can say
kimber:is that a bad thing to say? I love it.
Sue:know, you're, you're only as young as you feel and I feel very young.
kimber:It's awesome. I love it. Ah, well that's so cool to hear. I think we'll hear a little bit more about it as we get into our conversation today. I'm so happy to have you here today. Thanks for joining us. I'm really excited for our conversation as we we're wrapping up our loneliness series today. And I think what, we're gonna talk about with identity is going to be just a really important way to end it. So I'm really thankful that you're here with us. Will you introduce yourself a little bit? For our friends
Sue:Sure. Yeah, so like you said, I'm Sue Sue Coral. I am married with two adult young adult kids. Um, probably a little younger than you, but, uh, just getting started in the world. They're doing well though. It's great. Uh, I lived overseas forever, in a day, like 35 years, I think, something like that. Uh, way longer than I lived here, so I'm still. Reentry,
kimber:Yeah.
Sue:say shock, but I have been a missionary for years and I am currently taking a ministry that I began in Asia and it did really well. And when I moved back here in 2016, it's taken off and we are now becoming a formal nonprofit. So I'm working with the board and a lot of forms to fill out and money to spend
kimber:yeah. Is that crown of beauty
Sue:Yes, crown Beauty International, Uhhuh, And you know, under that we have like a blog on our website, crown beauty international.com and we, I have a podcast myself, which Kimber for all use listening was on or will be on next week.
kimber:Yeah. I think by the time this talk comes out, it will have been in the past, so yeah. It was so
Sue:Yeah, that's all I figured. So, so listen, go to it y'all.
kimber:Cool. Oh man. So awesome. you said it started in Asia, the Crown of Beauty international program or Ministry. Um, what did like starting that look like? Like how did you get into that? Where was the like, need for that? How did that come to
Sue:Yeah. Well my job at that time was like a counselor for, people who were living overseas and were just struggling in that, you know, they were having a ministry or maybe they're struggling, their marriage, whatever it was. But they're, here they are in Asia and. Not the normal resources that you have. So either they come to me and stay with us for several days, or I would travel. I also traveled a lot. So in doing that, I discovered that even women who were really strong in their faith were struggling so much. And I would come back and my boss is like, how are they doing their job? And all this stuff. And I'd go, well, I don't really know. The production of their job. But I can tell you they're going to be doing better now because I've been able to help them. And what I found Kimber, is that what they really were struggling with is they were believing a lot of lies about themselves. That when we're in that level of stress, and I know you talk a lot about loneliness on this show, there's a lot of that going on when you live over. And it springs out a lot of stuff in your heart that you didn't even realize that you believe about yourself. And I personally went through that journey. Uh, when I first went over there and I was a single, but I wasn't a young single. I was 31 and 32 and 33 and still single. And that really triggered me, you
kimber:Yeah.
Sue:I'm a 10 for 10 extrovert so to
kimber:I love that.
Sue:like have millions of friends and always wanna be with people at that point, I needed about one hour alone a month, and so to be put in this environment, Back when not many people were going to China, and I didn't speak the language that well, I was studying along with teaching, but it, it's a long process. So I had Chinese friends, but it was very surfacey, you know, and there were very few foreigners there at the time. very few Christian foreigners on top of that. And, and then you had to be cautious because people, even the foreigners might. Make up lies about you. If they don't like you, all they have to do is go to the authorities and say, oh, she's telling people they're going to hell or something like that, and they're gonna stick you on an airplane to go home at the worst, you know, at the best, I should say the worst could be interrogate for a while. I really didn't wanna go through that, so, It was hard and I went over there with my best friend from Hawaii, which was awesome. So the first year was fun and you know, we found people to be friends with, but I had her, it was okay. And then this guy, uh, that came over with us, we went over with a kek company and this guy, there were two guys came, single guys, which initially I was really excited cuz I thought I must be going over. To China to meet my husband because I was really wanting to be married even when I was in Hawaii. but I knew us to go to China at some point, and the guys would date me for a while and then when they found out I was planning in China, that was it.
kimber:I mean, it's sort of a little bit of a deal breaker if you're across the world, especially then when you didn't have like, you know, texting and FaceTime and stuff.
Sue:Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I, we didn't have email. That's how long we're
kimber:Yeah, man, it's it's crazy. Yeah.
Sue:hate writing letters, but my mom wrote to me every day, but I only wrote through that once a month, and you couldn't call for five minutes. It was$90,
kimber:I bet.
Sue:and back then$90 was like$200 today, you know? So, Yeah. you didn't do it. Plus your, all your phone calls were listened to. All your mail was read by authorities, seemed to be really careful. I mean, even though you're not necessarily doing anything illegal, it just flagged something. If mom says, I'm praying for you, and are you going to talk to people about the Lord? Like that
kimber:Right. So you always have to be a little guarded in your communication.
Sue:And even your communication with other foreigners, you had to be careful in in public, and our rooms could potentially have been bugged at that point. In fact, they were at different points we discovered. So yeah, so what happened is my best friend started dating one of those guys who was 10 years younger than me. So I had zero interest, but only four years younger than her, and. I sort of lost my best friend for a season. You know how they're all like Cutesie, cutesie and always
kimber:You wrapped up
Sue:and dancing in the room and there was nowhere to go. Socialize. you know, at that point, China has come a long way. I gotta say it was really a privilege to live in a country that grew economically at a rate that no other country in history has grown. And to go when I get there from being in so much poverty too, by the time I left in this stunningly beautiful city that was so modern. it was, it was
kimber:It's wild to see that kind of a transformation.
Sue:But anyway, I'm there starting out in the more impoverished time and they're improving quickly, but, you know, just the same. And so, they would have their gates in my, in our room, you know,
kimber:Right. That's where you have to go. Yeah.
Sue:Yeah, and there were little hole in the wall restaurants, but were packed out, you know? So anyway, so I really became very lonely, And, it ended up triggering a lot and it started bringing up a lot of lies about myself and about God, interestingly, that I never really struggled with before. Uh, I, I won't say the lies about self. I never struggle with. I think it brought up one that I wrestled with for years, which. I'm not beautiful enough to find a husband because I was born with a very severe cleft palate, 26 surgeries for 15 years of my life. really a lot of rejection in
kimber:Hmm.
Sue:and obviously I'd come a long way and I dated a lot of guys, but because they never ended up in getting married, you know, you start wondering,
kimber:what you hear. Yeah. In your head. Yeah.
Sue:Normally I have, I had a really great self-esteem, but I did have a level of protection of my heart with men because of a lot of the hurt I'd had that didn't help, but I just started to think, well, God, why did you bring me all the way here? And now I'm gonna be single the rest of my life because there's no men to date. You know what I mean? Literally there was, was not, and, I did okay at first, but when I lost my best friend and you see her so happy and it got engaged really quickly and. I got very depressed. Very depressed, and there wasn't a counselor around. There wasn't anybody to talk to. You know what I talked to you about? What I did with counseling was later, years later, okay? At that point, you're just there on your own. You know, like a company hires you, the school hires you, and there you are.
kimber:Yeah,
Sue:and you, you can't text people, you can't call people, you don't have access to Christian books. You
kimber:Yeah. Right,
Sue:So it, it got pretty rough. I will say.
kimber:Yeah. What do you feel like pulled you kind of out of that or like moved you beyond that? Was it just like a, a kind of moving through that time and getting through it? or what kind of helped you get
Sue:No, it, it was. Very dramatic actually, because I really didn't know why I was struggling like that. And I was trying at first to go to my Bible and, and when I have doubts, does God exist? Does he care? Does you know, I would go to the word. And that definitely helped, I will say, especially to fight those lies about God. But it didn't take away. The loneliness and I started having a lot of fear and it got worse and worse every night where I couldn't sleep, I lost my appetite, and I really was going downhill when the Lord graciously. Opened my eyes to recognize and to feel really that there was a spiritual presence in my room of darkness of fear, spirits of fear. Now I was surrounded in this dormitory by foreigners from all over the world. There was a, Buddhist guy who was always chanting. I had a Muslim guy doing his 5:00 AM you know, chance in the hall I
kimber:Mm-hmm.
Sue:Other people that you were coming in all hours a night drunk and sleeping with people, and it wasn't the most encouraging environment, And my roommate was being very sweet, trying, but just the same. She's in love with this guy. You know? That's where
kimber:in a different spot, kind of probably mentally,
Sue:she was definitely being sweet and trying. But anyway, so one night I am just freaking out. I start realizing that, oh my gosh, there's something dark here. You know, really it was a demonic presence and I hadn't really had much training on that. They don't teach that at church
kimber:Sure. Yeah. A lot of times you don't talk about it. Yeah.
Sue:No, they don't talk even though Jesus does all the time. You know, there's tons in scripture about. But at the most we hear is put on your spiritual armor, whatever that means. I mean, no, I know what it means.
kimber:but no, I know what you mean. Like it can seem, like a, a just a bandaid or like a catchall phrase. Like, oh yeah, do that. But like, okay, what does that look like
Sue:Yeah, how do you apply that? What is, yeah. And so I got terrified and I ran out of the room into the adjoining room to my roommate. It's like 2:00 AM I fell on top of her, just shaking, crying, and she's, she goes, what? What's the matter? And I couldn't speak Kimber, nothing would come outta my mouth. I don't know if it was the fear or the enemy himself. But she just started praying. And I remember hearing her say, no one's ever told me to pray like this
kimber:hmm. Yeah.
Sue:then she just said, holy Spirit guide me. I don't know how to pray. And, and he did. And he, and she told me to start praying. And of course I'm praying, but nothing's coming outta my mouth. And. Finally she says, just say Jesus. Just say Jesus. And I, I got Jesus out. And years later I did this for a woman in Africa who was literally dying. They brought me to the hospital cuz the doctor said she only, she's gonna die very soon. And if you know, like minutes, hours And she couldn't speak, she couldn't move. And the same thing where, where I just started praying, um, and telling her, just say, And I prayed and, and slowly it came out. And that's what happened with me Too. And once the word came out, Jesus, Jesus, it was like the spirit just left that darkness. I felt just leave and I felt free, and then I could start to pray. And we just spent the next two hours just worshiping, praising, and praying to God and, and, Asking for forgiveness, for my doubts of him, uh, my doubts of what's true about me, what's true about him, what's true about my roommate, asking for God's love for them as a couple and, and just praising, mostly just praising God. And it was weird, kinder cuz the next morning. So I went to bed. We got up in the morning and we're in, we shared a bathroom, right? And so we're in the bathroom and standing next to each other, and I realized that, um, I was taller than her, and I hadn't felt taller than her in a while. You know, it was so oppressive,
kimber:it's like, yeah. physically Wow,
Sue:depression is very physically oppressive as well, and he just lifted that. And so I began to just say, I'm not gonna go to those lies again. And so the enemy, you know right away is like, see, God doesn't love you, ba da da. And I'm like, I reject that lie in Jesus name. Thank you God that you love me. And I really felt Kimber if I need to be single the rest of my life. I would get to have the experience of God's love that intimate and close, which I did that night then it's worth it. And I told him that, you know, not that I wanted that, but it's like, Hey, I want that level of love and intimacy with God above all else. And so I just began to really speak truth and anytime a lie came, reject it. And that's what years later I. Launched my ministry in, because I was seeing all these women over there going through exactly the same thing. I mean maybe a little different, but
kimber:But you see the pattern play out. Yeah.
Sue:we can. Identify the lies and speak them out. I reject the lie that I'm not good enough, that I am ugly, that I'm rejectable un unlovable, that I'm invisible, you know, all those lies, or that God has forgotten me or doesn't care about me or is weak or whatever it is, right? Is punishing me. Pat, forgive me all those lies. That in Jesus' name, we reject them and we speak out. Then the truth of what God's word says, women get free and I got free and you know what happened, Kimber? You're not gonna believe this. So three weeks later, my boss calls me from, the teaching company in Hong Kong and he says, come visit me. You need a break. I heard you're doing really bad. And I'm like, well, I'm a lot better. But yeah, I'm exhausted. But there was not a single flight, which is freaky, but it's cause they had these weird East Asian games. So all the. Planes were full. So he said, then take a train and just go somewhere. So my roommate and I, jumped on a plane, not a plane, a train, 18 hour train, ride up north. And visited another teaching team that we had come over at the same time, gone through teacher training together. And while we're there, I'm visiting everybody and one of the teachers who had just gotten there, I had met five years before, but I was either he was dating or I was dating, I was in California briefly. Like eight months.
kimber:Mm-hmm.
Sue:um, and he was there anyway. He had come and he said, well, when are you gonna spend time with me? And I was like, oh, okay. Okay, okay. I only have, The morning. Cuz there was, oddly there was a guy who, when I called to set up the housing, said, would you spend time with me? Another guy turns out was, Todd's uh, neighbor. And so I spent time with that guy, but I really wasn't attracted to him, you know, so, but I told Todd, I said, well, I, I'll be back from, we are gonna go up to Beijing and do the Great Wall and all that thing. I'll be back. Tonight. And so we got together and he asked me, yeah, how do you like my neighbor? And I was like, no, not gonna work. Even though I want, you know, you're not at that point where you just marry anybody. You know? right? Like, no. And, uh, and he said, why? And I told him some reasons and then I said, And the other reason is cuz I like you. And I couldn't believe I said that, but it just kinda came outta my mouth because five years before, uh, when we couple times gotten together, I really did like him, but either he was dating or I was dating. And so he laughed and he said, well, I've liked you for five years. And I was like, what? Well, what are you gonna do about it? And he said, well, let me pray about it while you're giving your, Beijing thing and doing all these things and, and so when we got together again after that, he said, it would be my honor to date you, and we got engaged. Uh, well, he told me on the next date he loved me, that God had home and loved me.
kimber:Yeah.
Sue:The next date after that, he let me know that we, we would get married, but you know, we were 18 hours apart. So we, we were only getting to see each other like every three weeks at a conference. Or he'd come to me, I'd go to him,
kimber:Wow. Yeah.
Sue:And uh, finally we came back to the States for the summer and we got engaged and married three months later.
kimber:Oh wow. How cool that like you saw just the. Sweetness of the Lord like so soon after, because the hat is man, it's like sometimes I think those things are more visible in hindsight because it's not quite as like, you know, boom, boom, boom. But like I think it's really sweet of him when, when he just shows us his kindness in that kind of a way. That's so cool. how much later was it that you started counseling other women? Like what did that
Sue:Oh boy. Okay. So yeah, we got married and we were in Seattle for a year and then we went back to Asia. but yeah, we were hopping around like Hong Kong, Philippines, got back to China, moved together city. So it was after my kids, I had given birth to two, two kitties and they were. Seven and five I think. And it, I was doing this thing of mentoring women when I was really seeing this need, but I felt frustrated because my giftings teaching and as much as I love mentoring as well, that would be like shepherding a second gifting. But I was really missing opportunities, critique, and I asked the Lord, God, what? When am I having get to teach? You know? And I've very profoundly heard from the Lord, write your life message and I will bring
kimber:Hmm
Sue:And I didn't do it right away. Oh. And then he's scolding me the next
kimber:He's patient with
Sue:me to be doing with my name? And he made it very clear. And so I started working on those messages.
kimber:Hmm.
Sue:For several months I would, on Mondays I would get a babysitter and I'd go do that. And when I finished it was, it was a few months later, I finished these four messages, you know, with PowerPoints, all that stuff. And literally someone came up to me at church. I had shared my testimony just for briefly at church, and she came up and she said, I'm new here, but I'm an event coordinator. If
kimber:Well,
Sue:Speak. I will coordinate a women's conference for the international community here. I mean, it was crazy. I'm like, well, he wasn't kidding he.
kimber:He was ready? Yeah. Oh, wow.
Sue:So I did, and when I stepped down on the platform, the Lord said, this is what I want you to do the second half of your life. And right after that, I, a gal that I knew who was local, she turns out she knew people all over the country. So that launched the whole thing.
kimber:Yeah.
Sue:Then when I came back here, then all these doors opened up internationally, and now we're starting to work more on the US side as.
kimber:Yeah. Yeah. Mm, man. That's incredible. What a cool story. Do you just love getting to, like Stewart, such a, an incredible story.
Sue:Yeah, it's if your heart is, I wanna serve you Lord, no matter what. That's a really hard prayer, and I've had to say it a few times in my life, you know, in my. Single gaze. you know, it wasn't easy. And I had a very serious relationship when I was 25. I thought he was the one and great guy, great guy, had a heart for China, he was living there. and he broke it o off after a year. I think we were just too long distance. Like I said, there wasn't good communication back then. And again, that was, oh, it took me like a year to get through that. But you, I just wanna encourage everybody listening that God does hear your cries. He does listen, he does hear your prayers. You may not understand it, why you're having to wait,
kimber:mm.
Sue:God has a good purpose and I can tell you honestly, Kimber, I'm so grateful, that I didn't get married till 34 to Todd number one because Todd's awesome and he lets me be who I am. I'm a very strong leader and it's hard for guys when they're women are like, going all over the world. Leading these big conferences and that kind of thing. So that's one beautiful thing. But also because I went through so much transformation in my life, and sometimes God calls you to do that with your partner, and other times he calls you to do that without a partner and without kids, so that you don't pass that on to your kids. And I feel like all the healing that the Lord. In my twenties, some with counselors, some mentors, uh, in the word through life experience. And then the dramatic experience I had in China, it really allowed me, I believe, to be a much better mom and one that wasn't dumping my messes with my kids So I'm very grateful for.
kimber:Oh man, that, that is like such a good perspective shift cuz I think it's so easy to see our per our perspective as like what we lack, but like looking for how did God bless me through the circumstances I had, even if they weren't what I wanted at the time. So I love that you're able to see them do that.
Sue:Yeah. And I, I encourage, like for moms with younger kids, that's another really lonely time because you're just not. Getting a lot of adult
kimber:Yes. Your time to like connect and the how you do it is so, uh, limited and constrained
Sue:You're used to having your gal pals, you know, and Sundays like, where are they?
kimber:yes.
Sue:But, I say two things with that. One is, you know, seek out a. Mom kid group, if you have to make one, which is what we did with my girlfriend and I are like, ah, we need to like, Be able to have time together. So she opened her home and we just started inviting other women, and they are from all over the world and they definitely were not all Christians. So in some ways it gave opportunity to also talk about what God was doing in our life, but all the kids played together and it just was nice week. I really look forward to that time each week. That helps. But the other thing is I found that I put so much expectation on my husband. Right, because when he comes home, yay, get adult conversation. And he went through a season where his life was so hard. He was the crisis manager of company and uh, it was exhausting. So when he came home, he didn't wanna talk. He's an introvert anyway, so he had used up all his
kimber:he was done Yeah.
Sue:And so that was really hard. And at first I felt angry, unloved. You know, all those feelings that you
kimber:Yeah.
Sue:And one night, the Lord just woke me up. I say night. It was like four in the morning. Three in the morning. I knew as God, it was just crazy. It was like someone shook me and all, and I like to see, but there was no one around me. And, and he is, I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah, he wants me to get up. So I did. And, and immediately he. Told me to read Isaiah. And so I just started reading Isaiah and especially from chapter 40 to 66, and I ended up spending three years in that there's
kimber:a good
Sue:chapters and it was all about intimacy with God. and, you know, and even song, a song after that
kimber:Hmm mm-hmm.
Sue:that and again, Realize that God wants to be the lover of my soul and I can't look to my husband to have that level of. I, I can have that level of expectation on him all the time. Like, yes, you'll have moments that are really sweet, but with God, you can have those moments all the time. Now there are wilderness times, but you can know even in the wilderness, that he passionately, intimately loves you, that that hasn't changed, you know?
kimber:Hmm. Hey friend, forgive me for taking a quick moment in this conversation to ask a favor of you. I hope my conversation with Sue is blessing you today. And if so, would you take a moment to rate and review the show on apple podcasts? Reviews are huge in helping new friends find the show. And I love reading. What's blessing you from the podcast. You can find the link to leave a review in the description of this episode. So thanks so much for taking a second to do that. Okay. Now back to the show.
Sue:So that was another lesson that I learned, and I just encouraged. All of you to. Have high expectations of God and say, Lord, I need you. I, i need you. Please, meet me in intimate ways. And those chapters, Isaiah 40 to 66, song of Songs are full of God's intimate love for you. And, um, that's how he wants to relate to my latest thing is to buy the Passion Bible. Have you heard
kimber:Yes, I do. I have a sweet friend who turned me onto it a few years ago, and I love how it, I feel like it does really, uh, highlight especially that side of the scripture of like, you know, God's presence and his just delight in
Sue:Mm-hmm.
kimber:which I think sometimes we get so, you know, sterilized by at least I think of like our American culture that's very like independent, you know? And we like, like to take care of ourselves and we don't need anyone. And if you like someone too much, like you should probably chill because uh, what if they don't like you that much back? Like, you know, it's all very, um, protective, I think of ourself and. that's not what God has for us. I don't think, like you're saying, like he wants us to fully depend on him. Like he, he loves it when we are fully in need of him. And so, yeah. I love the, the passion translation. I think it's beautiful. What stood out to you most about it? What do you love about it?
Sue:Well, I, I just found it, you know, recently and I went a Christmas spot for everybody. I know. I really love it. and I do like to dig into the word and I go back and look at original language, you know, to be sure things are accurate and all. And, and it, I think for the most part it really is. It just, sometimes it's putting it in our, our vernacular, our everyday language today. but it is, it does lean towards helping. To see how intimately God, God is connected to us. The other thing, my husband and I started watching the chosen every night before we go to bed. I'm hooked. But what I love about it is the way the actor portrays Jesus is. So, I think it's so on the money, just incredibly unconditional love pouring out to everyone around him. Sinner or not, you know, wounded or not just. And not at all reactionary. Like, what? You don't trust me or what you're, you're asking who's the greatest or what, you know, he just patient that I find myself as, I, I walk my dog three, four times a day so I can pray that I'll just be, that's my prayer dog time and, and, um, but I find myself more visually, I think.
kimber:Yeah.
Sue:Experiencing or seeing, Christ as I'm praying through them.
kimber:Yeah, I feel like it's, it comes back to what we were talking about because it's like Jesus was so secure in his identity in God that like he knew who he was, he knew what he was doing and like, when we're in Christ, we can operate out of that same security in our identity, and I feel like it produces those kind of things that you're highlighting about. You know how that actor portrays Jesus? It's like, you know, he's not reaction, like he's not blown over by everyone's reaction to him because he already knows who he is and so then he can respond. out of a place of that secure identity. And man, that's just so like, exciting to me to think about. Like we have access to that kind of secure identity too. And it's like a long road I think of like learning to walk in that. But just that I know that's possible because of Jesus. Like that gives me renewed strength I feel like, to go towards it. So how do you feel like. with, you know, this, this idea of like an identity that's rooted in Christ being like such a foundational idea for you and for your ministry and what you encourage for other women. How do you feel like you've grown in that to where you are today from that, you know, that first kind of, you know, revelation moment when you were like, I'm done with that fear and I'm, that's not who I am, you know. How have you grown, would you say, to today? Because that's, that's a long road, right? And I'm sure it hasn't all been, you know, sunshine and roses, but where have
Sue:Yeah, I think it's important. Just say I haven't arrived. There's not an arrival date, I don't think. I mean, I don't ever wanna be that way. I wanna be 90 years old and, telling my friend or my daughter, oh look, God taught me this today. You know, or, or he's really helping me to grow in this area. You know? So I don't think we're ever too old to. Learn to grow, to repent.
kimber:Yes.
Sue:So, I think having a really open heart every day. I think David King David puts it well in Psalm 1 39, the last verse, you know, search me oh Lord, and know my heart and see if there's any offensive way in me, you know, and, and teach me. Teach me in the way everlasting. So I think it's when we. Turn to God each day and we say, Hey God, help me know what's up with my heart. Like what's up? And I think red flags are really helpful when you find yourself overreacting. When you find yourself, your emotions not really matching the situation
kimber:Right.
Sue:feeling out of control. Maybe you sort of feel like does match the situation, but you. control your emotions. And I don't mean, you know, grief is grief. Cry for Pete. Say, cry. That's not what I'm seeing. When what I mean is, you know, I'm angry, but I'm, I'm just feel like I wanna kill my kids or my husband, or I just wanna smack them, or I'm screaming at them, or I'm saying things I know I shouldn't say that kind of thing is what I mean. Uh, or even that, yeah, I'm really depressed right now, but when I look at why the level of my depression doesn't really match the situation, um, or I'm just not getting better, right? Maybe you do have a really hard thing and you're just not getting better. I think one you. Consider, how is your health? You know, should I see a doctor? Um, should I talk to a counselor? I think those are really helpful. Do I need some meds? You know, I, I'm a counselor. I came back up my counseling degree at different summers. Got and got, eventually got that. And there's times I'm talking to people, it's like, I, I can't have this conversation till they get on some meds to stabilize, you know? Cuz they can't really take it in, you know? So I, I, think that's helpful. Talk to a doctor, but also, I think we really need to, when we experience those reactions, we need to think, ask ourselves, what am I. Feeling right now. What am I believing right now? And then ask yourself, is this, and you might journal about it or talk it through with a friend and let them write things down as you're
kimber:Hmm.
Sue:and, and then ask yourself, have I felt this before? Did, did I feel this even when I was a kid? Because I find that 98% of. Feelings that are really painful and difficult, and the thoughts that come with it
kimber:Yeah.
Sue:began all the way back in our childhood. So when I can identify that, like, well, actually I felt like I didn't fit in. Even back when I was a little kid and think about when did that start and what was going on, you know, maybe that you were in a class where the teacher said, you know, you shouldn't be here. This is too high a level for you. Or you, you, you sit down. You shouldn't be in this reading group. You know, or whatever it was, right, that you felt like you didn't fit in or maybe it's just something someone said to you, you know, like, oh, you're fat. You know, you can hear that when you're eight years old,
kimber:Yeah.
Sue:and. then it identifies you. This is my identity, now that I'm fat or I don't fit in, or I'm not good enough, or I'm stupid, or I'm ugly, whatever it is. And sometimes someone didn't say it. You came to the conclusion, right? Because they didn't, you weren't sitting at the cool kids' table, whatever it was, right? So, I'm not good enough, or I'm too ugly,
kimber:Hmm.
Sue:and we carry that into our adult life
kimber:Yep.
Sue:unknowingly, oftentimes, and it becomes a real stumbling block. It affects our behavior. So that's the next thing you have to ask, is this, what's affecting my behavior? Or what? What am I doing That Because we often begin that, even as a kid, we come up with ways to avoid or we think to avoid getting hurt again.
kimber:Right.
Sue:there. Then you're identifying your bondage, and then freedom comes when we then reject the lie. Even we feel it still. That's okay. okay. The feelings will go away, but it starts with stating truth. Okay? I still feel ugly, but God, you say I'm fearfully, wonderfully made, and I reflect the image of Christ. Beautiful. Right. I feel like I don't fit in, but actually you've chosen me. I'm you know, embraced by the Trinity to be a part of this. I've seated with Christ, you know, I do fit in, I fit in the best club even though I was rejected from, you know, that cool kids' table. Now I sit, at the table of the Lord, the banqueting table. There's a verse in, uh, song of Songs too about that. And so you begin to speak that truth, okay? And then you repent. This is important of the behaviors they've come with that. And it might, not be that you've noticeably done anything wrong, but you've taken control. Of your life. You're not depending on God, you're depending on yourself to protect yourself. And that's sin, that's self idolatry. So I repent of whatever those behaviors. It might be unforgiveness, it might be, Rage, it might be overeating, you know, running to food. I know a lot of us go down that path.
kimber:Yep,
Sue:me included, you know,
kimber:yep.
Sue:what am I doing to try to comfort or to control? The situation that's, that's self dependence, not God
kimber:instead of allowing God to
Sue:that. and I asked the Holy Spirit to begin to empower and direct me so that I can live in a different way, and that's when I'll find freedom, when claiming the truth, I'm having a repentant heart and I'm seeking through the power of the spirit to live in a Christlike.
kimber:Wow, that's incredible. I love how you walked through that process and it's not like a one step thing, you know, and I love that you say that the importance of rejecting the lie and declaring the truth, but that we may still feel. Like the effects of the lie, but that's not a reason not to declare what's true anyway. And then I love also Yeah, and I love that. That's not the, that's not the last step, right? Like, you know, we go beyond that and we repent and we ask. The Lord to meet us in that space and renew our minds, renew our hearts there. Because it's like, I think often, for me at least, is an intellectual thing. Like I think, okay, that's not true. Here's what's true, therefore I should experience it. But that's, you know, and, and that can be true sometimes, I think, but I think a lot of times it's a little bit longer process of, you know, actually walking through the steps of bringing that to the Lord and asking the Holy Spirit to empower me to live a different way. And sometimes that takes a little bit of time
Sue:Yeah, and hear it from the Lord. Hear it from the Lord Kimber. Because there is a lot, or it's like a cool thing now is to say all these acclamations, I think is the word. You know where I, I'm saying. I'm beautiful, I'm strong, I'm awesome,
kimber:Right,
Sue:and I'm not opposed to that. I think that can be helpful. But when I say I'm beautiful because I'm creating the image of God and he's beautiful, I'm strong because in Christ I can do all things. You know, when you, when you combine it with what God says about.
kimber:Yeah.
Sue:You know, I'm loved because, not because I'm amazing, but because God is amazing and he declares me as lovable. He has made me lovable. You know? Um,
kimber:That's the power
Sue:back in, yeah. The word is powerful and I'm sad how many people. Do not read the word anymore. So if you're that person listening, I'm not judging, I'm just encouraging you. Go get a passion Bible. It's all I, it's in the New Testament, Psalms and proverbs is, is one chunk. And then you can buy the other book separately as they're still working on translation. But just get the New Testament proverb, som one, and it'll speak to you. It'll be. It'll be sweet. It'll be like your best friend talking to you going, Hey, this is true, you know, and God will use it in life.
kimber:I love that man. Sue, what a beautiful story. And like, I love being able to see just like how you've, over the years, like through your own story and then working with so many other women, how you've just learned a way to tackle it and you've learned how to walk with the Lord in it.
Sue:Okay, because you will have struggled throughout your life because God, in his graciousness, he's making us like Christ well, how do you become like Christ? Right? You think about that rough diamond, what does it have to do is evolve all that yuck on the outside. So he's still shaving the yuck off me, Kimber, and when he does that, You know, it's, hard. Like one of my kids was going through a really hard thing a couple years ago. Um, COVID kind of sparked some of it, and man, that was one was actually the most painful time of my life. And it brought up in me a lot of, of fear and a lot of other emotions, And you feel really out of control and you wanna help, but
kimber:Yes.
Sue:And you know, so it was rough, but we got through it. But I think what you're saying isn't really that you won't, that I haven't struggled but that, or don't anymore, but that now I understand where I have to go with that struggle. I have to go to
kimber:Of course we're still gonna struggle, but it's like we have, you know, that you've learned like how to. Face it when you do. Right. Because it's like, it's like, man, sometimes I think when like the loneliness or you know, whatever it is that comes at us, I think it's easy to drown in it when you don't know how to respond to it and, or the enemy's attack, you know, it's like, it can feel so overwhelming in whatever way that comes. But yeah, when you know how to process it and you have people around you that can help you through that and remind you of what's true, like, man, that is I think, one of the coolest ways that God works through community in our sanctification. You know, it's not just
Sue:Yeah. I love that you're, you're all about
kimber:Yeah. It's not just us, like out here, alone and unafraid
Sue:Yes, I agree.
kimber:you know, let the Holy Spirit work in our hearts to be more like Jesus. You know, he gives us people around us to help us with that, and I'm just so thankful for that.
Sue:Yeah, Yeah, and I think your ministry's very good at encouraging people to really be there for each other. I think that's super important, especially us winning. But it's true for guys too. They just haven't figured that out.
kimber:They'll, they'll come around someday, maybe but yeah. Well, I'm, I'm so thankful too. Thank you for your kind words, and I'm so thankful that women like me have women like you who have run the race faithfully and are doing what you feel like God has called you to do because, man, we need, we need people running ahead. I'm really thankful for you. So thanks So much, friend. Where can, where can my friends listening find you and
Sue:Yeah, so you can go on his heartbeat podcast. With Sue Coral, c o r l, and also our website, crown and beauty international.com. We have weekly devotionals and lots on there for you. Uh, there's even under resources, you'll see a whole list of lies and a whole list of truths that can be really helpful. So just go on crown view international.com and go to resources. Please sign up cuz you know, every month I'm putting out a letter. I'm getting really. Now to that to encourage you in that. Um, and I really recommend, I have several books out, uh, devotionals, but I have a Bible study called Crown of Beauty. That's why we call our name that, and it's very powerful. It's a 12 week study go help you to begin to. Identify lies and walk in truth. It'll go through all those identity pieces about yourself, about God, about the work of the spirit, and even some teaching on the enemy and how he works and how to have victory. So I really recommend Crown of Beauty Week Bible study. It's on Amazon. All my books are on Amazon.
kimber:man. Awesome. Very cool. We'll check that out. Thank you so much, Sue. I so appreciate your time today and it was great to talk to you friend.
Sue:Thank you.
kimber:Friends. I'm so glad you could join Sue and I this week on the, your sister Kimber podcast. So much comes back to identity in our lives. And when it's rooted in anything other than Jesus, we're building on sand, not rock, but. I'm so thankful for those in my life who remind me of who I am in Christ. And as we wrap up this loneliness series, I hope you know that between the people God has put in your life and just start good God, who is always with us. We may experience loneliness, but we never truly have to live lonely. And friends, one thing that can be such a game changer in learning your identity in Christ and walking in it is a community of women cheering you on and reminding you of what's true. I would be so honored to share a small corner of that part of your life with you. And some of you, I get to do that in person through the local church, but for the rest of us, we get to share this work of iron sharpening iron online, through Instagram and my newsletter crew. If you don't currently receive my weekly newsletter, you can visit your sister kimber.com to subscribe. When you do, you'll get my weekly newsletter directly to your email inbox each week with a preview of what will be featured on the podcast. Plus a preview and link to this month's blog post, and some other resources and tips to help you grow friendships that honor God. And draw closer to Jesus. I hope it blesses you friends. And thank you so much for being part of this community until next time. It's your sister Kimber.
