Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50
FINDING JOY IN ALONE TIME WHEN YOU'RE OVER 50
Jan 17, 2024
Christine Stone and Eden Kendall
Ever wondered how a life spent darting across time zones as a flight attendant could teach you the art of cherishing your solitude? Christine's captivating tales from her flight attendant days reveal the unexpected joy found in solitary moments amidst bustling cities, an experience that inoculated her against FOMO and crafted her expertise in basking in her own presence.
As the conversation takes flight, we lift the veil on the surprising perks that solitude bestows upon us. From the rejuvenation that comes from stepping away from the incessant hum of social engagements to the way it can fertilize the ground for richer, more meaningful conversations upon our return. We celebrate the heart's capacity to grow fonder in absence and invite you to revel in the ensuing depth it can add to our relationships. As we close, consider this your cordial summons to join our spirited, women-centric Facebook group and share this heart-to-heart with someone who might appreciate this liberating embrace of solitary pursuits. It's more than just a podcast; it's a gentle nudge to relish the tranquility of your own company and to confidently craft plans solo, sans regret.
Ever wondered how a life spent darting across time zones as a flight attendant could teach you the art of cherishing your solitude? Christine's captivating tales from her flight attendant days reveal the unexpected joy found in solitary moments amidst bustling cities, an experience that inoculated her against FOMO and crafted her expertise in basking in her own presence.
As the conversation takes flight, we lift the veil on the surprising perks that solitude bestows upon us. From the rejuvenation that comes from stepping away from the incessant hum of social engagements to the way it can fertilize the ground for richer, more meaningful conversations upon our return. We celebrate the heart's capacity to grow fonder in absence and invite you to revel in the ensuing depth it can add to our relationships. As we close, consider this your cordial summons to join our spirited, women-centric Facebook group and share this heart-to-heart with someone who might appreciate this liberating embrace of solitary pursuits. It's more than just a podcast; it's a gentle nudge to relish the tranquility of your own company and to confidently craft plans solo, sans regret.
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Speaker 1:
Welcome to Uncluttered and Unfiltered, the podcast urging you to let it go and don't look back with nationally acclaimed professional organizer Christine Stone and self-proclaimed hot damn mess radio and TV personality Eden Kindle.
Speaker 2:
Welcome everybody, uncluttered and unfiltered. The podcast for women over 50 is back. I'm Eden, along with Christine, and can't even believe we're sitting here in another year. It's unbelievable.
Speaker 3:
I can't believe it either. So far, so good.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, things are ticking right along.
Speaker 2:
We've got a subject matter about being alone to talk about. Last week, though, in our last episode, we delved into Christine's past to find out how she landed on being a professional organizer. That was a question that one of you guys asked us on our Uncluttered and unfiltered ladies only Facebook group, so we spent the episode talking about that, and one thing we learned was you were a flight attendant not news for everybody. Some of us already knew that, but in the course of being a flight attendant, not only did you have to be able to organize to, but you spent quite a lot of time by yourself. So how do you feel like that prepared you? Were you ready for it when it happened, or did it? Did it sneak up on you that all of the sudden, you're spending all of this time by yourself?
Speaker 3:
Well, I think because I was so young I was, I was kind of thrown into it too, because I mean, that's it, you sink or swim. When they tell you, okay, you're based in Chicago, have a good life, You're like okay. So I think I just said I'm going to give this my best shot. I didn't realize at the time how much time you spend alone.
Speaker 2:
And why is that we don't as people who are just passengers on the plane? How would we ever know?
Speaker 3:
Well, when you first start out, you are called a very junior flight attendant, meaning you don't have seniority. So you get the terrible routes, the terrible schedules and you're usually in what they call an extra. So you an extra is they. If someone calls in sick, they get the extra at the very last minute. So you're on call you. Back then we had beepers, and so when you're an extra, all the other crew get to go either move on with the next flight or go to a hotel, and then they put you somewhere else. So you spend maybe two days in a city all by yourself.
Speaker 3:
So after a couple of times I said either I can hate this job or I can learn to love this job and really explore cities that I've never been to. And so that's what I did. I never stayed in my hotel room. I would eat alone, I would bring a book because back then we didn't have phones or anything and I would. I would really really do a lot alone, and I didn't realize till after I left that job how, what it taught me about the art of being alone.
Speaker 3:
I don't think without that job I would be able to eat alone in a restaurant, go to a movie alone. You know what I mean, the things that you're supposed to do, quote unquote with people. And now you might ask yourself how this relates to think matter. I am fine being alone. I don't care ever if I have to miss something. I don't get FOMO, I don't. I really enjoy my time alone and I think it's because my job is physically exhausting and mentally exhausting. So when I'm home, I enjoy being alone, and, you know, with my husband, of course, but we like being. I'm a homebody and I've talked about that before, so being alone does not bother me, so that's why this article. I loved it.
Speaker 2:
So, before we delve into that article, I didn't realize how little, the little amount of time I had alone. Now it's a little bit different for me, but I'm going back a few years. I didn't realize how much I was missing alone time until after many years of this never happening. I can tell you exactly what it was. It was 2007 because I just started a new job. So I'd started this new job and one of the teams that made it into the final four my husband said if this team makes it into the final four, I want to say it was the Hoosiers, but maybe it was the another team in Indiana, just a smaller school. He said if they make it into the final four, it's going to be in Indianapolis. I'm taking the kids and we're going. Is that okay with you? And I said, absolutely, I can't go. I have a brand new job. I'm going to hit the road.
Speaker 2:
So now, for the first time in forever, I'm by myself in my home no kids, no husband, no TVs on, because I'm not the person that has the TV on in the background, it's them. I could be fine with no sound going on in the house. All of a sudden I hear tick, tick, tick. I did not know that the wall clock in our kitchen ticks loudly. That's how long it had been since I had complete quiet in my own home. I had to take it. My husband came home. He said why is the clock on the counter with the battery out? I said I had to climb on a ladder, take it down and remove the battery. It was driving me crazy, but it was amazing. I loved it. It was so quiet in that house after I got rid of the clock, but I had no idea what I was missing.
Speaker 2:
Now I do have a lot of time to myself in the course of a day, just like you know. The kids aren't home, that you know, and the husbands that work. Someday I get off work early in the daytime and I don't mind it at all. In fact, sometimes I'm most productive in those times. But you came across this article from a site called your Tango and I want to make sure we give credit where it's due, and Danielle Page is the author of this article. 10 beautiful things that happen when you learn to love being alone.
Speaker 3:
I love, I just even love the title.
Speaker 2:
Mmm, I do too, when you learn to love, because you have to learn sometimes.
Speaker 3:
It is definitely something you have to learn and really, really sit with it. I think you know. See the benefits of it, not the negative parts of it.
Speaker 2:
And we can think about what the negative parts are you're lonely, you're bored.
Speaker 3:
You feel like everyone's doing something and you're not.
Speaker 2:
The FOMO that goes into that. So, number one, you feel more energized. So let's talk about that, because it can be exhausting just being around other people, and sometimes being around only one person versus 10 people is even more exhausting because of the attention you have to give.
Speaker 3:
Well, also, I totally agree with that. But, as I heard, I can't even remember where. When you go out in public, you have to put a mask on. You have to. You know, not that you don't want to go, but you're meeting new people. Okay, it's not always the same girlfriends or friends. You're always meeting new people and you wanna put your best foot forward. So that's exhausting. When you've worked all week, if you don't have time to regroup, that's exhausting. So if you have planned seven days a week, when are you letting your brain rest?
Speaker 2:
True, I've had people ask me, because my main job is being on the radio, how are you so upbeat all the time on the radio and laughing and smiling? And I said the same way you are at your job. You can't walk into a retail establishment and not be greeted by a smile if the person is doing their job correctly. When you answer a phone at your job, whether you deal with the public regularly or you're dealing with your fellow employees, you're still putting on that face. You're still checking your emotions at the door. If you had a rotten day, rotten morning, your car broke down, you still have to put the smile on your face. It's no different whether you're in front of a camera, in front of a microphone or you're just in front of your peers. So it can be exhausting. So you feel more energized when you're able to skip out on some of those events where you have to do a lot of extra. Talking to people or listening can be tiring.
Speaker 3:
Listening can be tiring and I mean just getting your energy back in the rest of the weekend. You may be up for that, but taking a Friday night off or a Saturday night off just to kind of regroup, I think.
Speaker 2:
You won't have to compromise. Talk about that for a little bit. Tell me your thoughts on that.
Speaker 3:
What does that mean? I think, when you don't have to decide what do you want for dinner? Where do you want to go? Did you make reservations? What show do you want to watch? What do you feel like? What time should we leave? I mean, just talking like that, it can be exhausting. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:
Sure. So instead of compromise, you're in charge you. There's only one person voting Right. You win every time.
Speaker 3:
Right, and you know, I mean maybe, like, if you don't have that person you have to compromise, or that group of women or whoever you know, maybe you're gonna like I was telling you I'll eat five triskets and go. You know, go watch TV and go to bed, girl dinner, you know what I mean. Like it's it's definitely when you're around people. Everybody has their opinions on what they want to do. No, I don't want to go there. You know what I mean. Yes, so I think when you don't always have to compromise and you get a little bit of downtime from that, it's rejuvenating.
Speaker 2:
It may not even be that you realize you're compromising. Let me give you an example of that. There's a show you watch with your significant other. Is it your favorite show? Is it his favorite show or her favorite show? Maybe not. Maybe it's just the show that the two of you both agreed on. That you can tolerate, or both could enjoy, but it's not your favorite show. It's a compromise. So if you're by yourself, you get to watch what you want to watch. You get to eat what you want to eat. You value your relationships more. How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Speaker 2:
If you're not. If you're always around, it's a little much.
Speaker 3:
Well, also when you do decide to go out. You've chosen that. You said oh, I want to go out with Eden tonight. I know I'll laugh and have a great time. You're making a conscious decision so that when you do go out, you're having a great time because you've chosen to be with the people you want to be with. So I definitely think you value your friendships more a significant other, your brother and sister when you get a break from people and then you get to choose to be with them again. Like you said.
Speaker 2:
And that's where this next one kind of falls in your conversations are better when you're catching up. Instead of your, you have the obligatory weekly phone call Right, the catch up. I'm not saying don't keep in touch with the people that are important to you in your life, but if it's just chit chat for the sake of chit chat, it's exhausting. It can be exhausting it can be exhausting. You can have a really fun catch up session later if you've kind of put it off for a little while.
Speaker 3:
Right, I agree with that.
Speaker 2:
What do you think about number?
Speaker 3:
five you become more productive, absolutely.
Speaker 2:
Of course.
Speaker 3:
I mean when you give your body arrest, give your mind arrest, it allows you to rejuvenate and be a better person on Sunday, Monday, whatever, whatever time you're taking off. I think everybody needs a little bit of downtime. It doesn't have to be a lot, just a little bit of downtime to be more productive so you're not exhausted. Like, for instance, you go out on a Friday night, you have a little bit to drink, then Saturday is almost kind of ruined, especially ladies, when you're over 50. So I think it's true and so I think you're not as productive. So you know, you just have to weigh it all out when you really spend every night out. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:
And during the time when you're alone you're being more productive too. It's not just a residual after effect, it's during that time Nobody's around you can knock some things out, get them done. The next one I have to confess something, it's number six is you get to know yourself. Am I the only one and if I am, that's fine who spends some time looking in the mirror and talking to themselves, not intentionally?
Speaker 3:
All the time I do, yeah, not intentionally.
Speaker 2:
It's not. Like I said, now I'm gonna go have a conversation with Eden, but I might be because nobody's around and I have nowhere to be or nothing to do. I might stop in front of the mirror and I might I don't know Maybe I'll play with my hair a little, maybe I'll I don't know Right, put on a little makeup or not, take or take some off or just talk a little bit to myself. It's not anything set like. You are good enough, you are smart enough, right, and it's all gone. People like you, nothing, even like that. I think I don't even know if I speak out loud, I can't even remember if I do.
Speaker 3:
Well, when I'm alone, I usually enjoy. I know you guys are going to find this shocking. I love to try on my clothes. I could stand, I mean, I can get my closet for three hours and try on things and go. What were you talking? Speaking of talking, what were you thinking that color is hitting? You know, I'll talk to myself or I'll say God, you look good in that.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I mean right. Why haven't you worn that in a while?
Speaker 3:
That's flattering, I'm going to say yes to this dress and I love trying. It's almost like playing dress up for adults. I love it. I love it too and making lists of, like, what I still need in my closet or, oh, get rid of all those you know old stretched out bras and buy. I love it. The rainy days and that are like a dream come true to me.
Speaker 2:
Number seven. You feel less judged what it says. When you throw out suggestions for plans as a group, you're probably used to hearing some competing opinions. This way, nobody's judging you or saying I don't want to go see that movie, I'm too old for that, or I'm too young for that, or that seems boring to me, right.
Speaker 3:
Or I don't like. I don't like that restaurant. It's too loud. Yeah, you are constantly being judged, so I think taking a break from that. When you're alone, you don't have anyone judging you.
Speaker 2:
Talk about this next one. If you had number eight, you go on better dates. Is that because? Is that because you're being selective? If you're happy being alone, you won't say yes to a date that doesn't, yes, seem worth doing in the first place. But you, you've said yes because the alternative is being alone, and that sounds like a bad alternative versus what it really is, which is a good alternative if you love yourself and you can be alone.
Speaker 3:
Right, I think that you're being choosy, which is a good thing, and then when you get on the date, okay, you're really interested in that person because you are okay being alone. So you really chose that person to listen to them, hear them, get to know them. So, yes, I do think learning to be alone helps you in if you're divorced, widowed, single, whatever it is that you really are more choosy about, who you are deciding to spend your time with.
Speaker 2:
You feel more confident. Well, gosh, if you've that's number nine if you've spent time trying on all your clothes and having a good talking to you in the mirror, you're going to be more confident, aren't you?
Speaker 3:
Well, I think you feel more confident when you, when you learn you're not trying to be competitive, you're not trying to, you know, be everywhere all at one time. So now you just are sitting with yourself and you're happy. I mean, you're really happy. And so when you do go somewhere or you do meet someone, you feel, you feel so much better about yourself. That's what I found when I really learned not just to be alone, but to learn to be happy and alone. To me it was like life changing. I really thought you know, because you don't really learn that in your youth, I think. I think it's something you learn as you get older.
Speaker 2:
I agree with that. I agree with that. I think in our youth we're so. We're so let down if we're not a part of the team or the friend group or if nobody is available to play with us or to entertain us and kids that can entertain themselves and I'm not talking about screen time, right?
Speaker 2:
Kids that can entertain themselves are the ones that are going to move on to being able to eat alone at a restaurant and go to the museum that nobody else wants to go to. Number 10, you have more freedom. Well, I think all of that feeds into having more freedom.
Speaker 3:
When you say yes, I think you have the freedom to choose what you want to do and what you don't want to do when you learn, hey, I don't really want to go do that, I'd rather be alone. You know, I don't mind being home alone. You all go do that. I think that is part of growing up and becoming, because you're not saying yes to everything that you really don't want to do. So I think learning to be alone does give you that freedom to feel good about yourself, make wise decisions, be around the people you want to be with and you're not forced into doing anything, even out of the emotion of I'm being left out.
Speaker 2:
Agree, agree. And I think when you talk about being alone, some people listening might say listen, I didn't choose to be alone, I'm divorced or I'm widowed or you know another circumstance. I didn't choose this and we do understand, please understand. We understand the difference between your husband went golfing for the day alone and there's been a tragedy. We do understand that. But at the crux of it all, what we're suggesting is that there are some upsides to being alone, in all things else being equal, and we wanted to see the upsides to it, and I think we have.
Speaker 3:
I think so too, and I think, no matter how you got to the situation to be alone, taking the time to learn to love being alone that way you're not rushing into anything, you are learning to know more about yourself as a person, and so, I think, no matter how you got to be alone, it can be such a loving thing for yourself to really learn what it's like to sit and with your thoughts, with you know, not looking at what everyone's doing on social media and being okay with just. This is the decision I've made and I like it.
Speaker 2:
And also if you're somebody who feels like being alone is a terrible thing. If you ask me if I want company and I say no, I'm good, don't take it personally, I just. It means I have plans with someone else and that someone else is me Right.
Speaker 3:
I love that that someone else is me.
Speaker 2:
It's a bigger name on the other line as a woman has when you still say, oh what, you got a bigger name.
Speaker 1:
On the other line I'm like, yeah, myself you do.
Speaker 2:
I'm gonna go by myself. Everyone as much as we're telling you. We want you to feel comfortable being alone. We also want you to know, we want you to be a part of our group.
Speaker 3:
Yes.
Speaker 2:
Uncluttered and unfiltered ladies only. As a Facebook group that has really grown. It is thriving. We want you to be a part of it. It is as big or as small as you choose to make it. We would love if you would share this podcast with at least one friend yes, your sister, your girlfriend, your mom.
Speaker 3:
Your grandmother.
Speaker 2:
Your neighbor, your cousin. Just tell one person, if you would do that for us, we would be eternally grateful to you, because that is what grassroots programs like this need, and all the other things, too, that you hear on every other podcast, the subscribe, the likes, all of that but most importantly is the word of mouth to us. So please let us know if there's something specific you wanna hear on this podcast and in the meantime, remember, when it comes to making plans, just so that you're not by yourself, you can let it go and don't look back.