My Favourite Saint, Fitzy, and Repeating The Leaving

'I'm like the GAA Catifsh, it's impossible to get rid of me'

I'm talking about doing the Leaving Cert all over again, getting fired as an Oral Irish examiner, reinforcing stereotypes in Bondi eateries circa the mid noughties and Holy Communions in England.

If you also had your first kiss with Jesus, please get in touch. If you enjoy this episode please rate or review us wherever you listen to your pods and/or recommend us to a friend and/or an enemy.

Thanks so much for listening! J x

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Fred, for those of you new here, Fred is my husband. Fred is just after saying to me, Should this be fizzy? And I turned around and he's eating a yogurt. On what planet should a yogurt be fizzy? Don't get me star. Anyway, listen, I'm here. I'm so sorry I've been away. I'm getting into better better rhythm in life. So I am hoping that this is the start of a new chapter for me. We are currently in the process of moving house, which I'm so last minute.com. I knew this was coming. And here we are. We're in the process of moving house. It just it concerns me. I feel like I'm at a stage in life where I should need a moving van. I mean, I I am nearly 43 years of age. I've got two children. I just feel I should have more stuff accumulated at this point. All I have is feckin' fairy lights and a dream. I I'm going around with the same set of pennies fairy lights from when people actually used to watch X Factor on a Saturday. That's how long ago. That's how long ago I purchased these fairy lights. I've had them a long, a long time. I just have nothing to show for my life. Nothing. So we're in the process of moving at the moment, finished up in school. So this is why I really feel like this is the start of the new beginning for me in the pod. I'm gonna get into the rhythm. We all know people give out about it enough. We have about 10 weeks. It's probably from now, it'll probably work out to be about 10 weeks off because I've been doing the leave insert exams, which we'll get to momentarily, but but over the course of the 10 weeks, so that should be 10 pods of venting, and then I do have a little surprise coming up on Thursday. Yeah, let me tell you, I'm so sorry I haven't been around. I haven't been on the pod in ages. I kind of have no one to blame it myself. I I do have people in my life driving me mad asking if yogurt should be busy. The answer is no, clearly, but also I've been a little too busy in school. Now, here's the deal at school. I am so happy to be back teaching. I'll tell you this much for nothing. I am now I I unless a major opportunity comes a knocking. Like if I was asked to work on a project now and I had to be gone for a few months, well, not that I mean you wouldn't, it's not like you'd be le throwing your family away. But you know, you know what I mean? If you had to leave West Carrie for a while, um, you know, obviously then I'd have to leave the teaching, but I can see it happening anytime soon. I have been loving being back, but I I I probably ended up doing a little bit more of the teaching this year than I would have liked. I like to be part-time. I like to turn up, make a guest appearance, and leave. I I don't like to be I I I don't want to be one of the main characters in school. You know, I I I like a recurring guest appearance, is how I'd put it. Um so next year now I'm hoping that I'll be a little bit more part-time. We'll see how that goes. Uh, but I am hoping to be a little bit more part-time, and if I was only a small bit more part-time, I like the pod is just gonna be a daddle. It's just this year that I took on a little bit too much, delighted to do it, delighted to be able to do, because obviously, you know, with with everything going on at the moment in terms of everything being just so like Switzerland expensive, it's great to get it. But now I just needed to get to the summer, and now I feel I can breathe and I can come up with a new rhythm, and we're gonna be flying it. So that was very boring as an intro. I'll have to delete all of that. It was so dull. We're three minutes 58 seconds in. If you're still here, thank you. So a few weeks ago, I was doing the what have I been up to? Well, not much in the comedy side of things. A few weeks ago I was doing the Trelee Food Festival, that was a lot of fun. They had me now I did make a cup of tea, so I might be slurping my tea like a Finafall County counsellor. Uh, did I ever tell you at the time I accidentally ended up with the Finafall Ardesh? Oh my god. Kind reminds me another Chinese-related story. Remember, my auntie during COVID used to be very fond of the chips in the Chinese down the road. The this Chinese, I think there is another Chinese sounding, but I don't think it's the same crowd. I think it is a different crowd. But she used to go down to the chips on nearly a nightly basis, she used to go down to the chips, she used to go down to the Chinese for chips on nearly a nightly basis. And she on every visit would say to the people in the Chinese, I hope your family are okay. Um, you know, obviously presuming that their their family were in China. And then one, and they were always like, Oh yeah, they're fine, they're fine. And then eventually, after weeks of this, one of them did turn around to her and say, You know, we're from Killorgland. And she was like, Oh, okay. I hope your family are okay. They're in Killorgan, they're they're they're they're 35 minutes out the road, they're fine. Oh, anyway, um, so I'm back doing the leaving search. I promised myself I wouldn't go in to do the exams, but you see, it's easier said than done because obviously they do need a lot of people to help with the exams, and then also I'm around, so that's the thing, and I don't really have an excuse because they know I have this whole other career, and to be fair, they're very accommodating, like in comparison to other schools I've been in where it's been an issue and understandably an issue. I get it, they've just been so nice in this current school about it all, but I at the same time when they were stuck for someone to come in and help with the students, you know, who need the extra bit of help, and it's completely fair enough. Like, obviously, the student's names, for example, he might need a reader who helps them read the questions, so they do the questions, but uh they might need somebody to help them read the questions because otherwise the timings are going to be way off them. So that's what I'm doing at the moment. They asked me, they were asking me they asked me a few times, and I just felt I couldn't turn around and say, Oh, the thing is, I actually have to do a few TikToks, so I won't be able like that wonderful student who needs the assistance in an exam for their for their leaving search, I won't be able to help them because I actually have a TikTok dance that I need to learn. I'm nearly 43 years of age. I mean get a grip. So look, they got me, they got me. I'm in uh having a great old time. I I don't mind being back doing the leave and search. I get look, it's a very nerdy thing to say. I like being in the school. I like seeing people, I like the social side of it, I like having the crack with both the teachers and to a certain degree the students, obviously within reason, but it's nice to see people. I'm in and out as well because I'm only doing the leave and search applied so the exams are super short. They're only like over a click, just an hour. And I will tell you the maths one had me sweating. Oh maths, what is it about maths? It just puts the fear of God to me. Anyway, so I'm in, I'm just reading for a wonderful student now at the moment, and she's really fabulous, and it's a pleasure now to be in with her and to be doing the bits and bobs, but I have to laugh because oh and I'm sure I mentioned this on the socials. In fact, I did. I have done my leaving serp many times over. Obviously, the first time I did my leaving serpent was the year 2000. We've already discussed this on the pod. I had no idea what I was doing my life. Recently found my CAO form, and I had English and Irish and Trinity number one, English and Russian number two. Clearly, I had no intentions of ever getting a job. I mean, that's somebody now who knows that their dad is gonna keep paying for their VHI until they're 25 years of age. Like they don't need to think about an actual job because because dad's gonna cover the VHI for the next seven years. I mean, I needed to I think there's something to be said for actually kicking 17-year-olds up. Well, I was 17, which is too young to go to college anyway, but like certainly an 18-year-old, you need to be saying, listen, Russian, what where are you going with that now, love? You know they're not in the EU. Like what the anyway, I was a big fan of a big fan of Lenin. Loved a bit, loved a bit of Lenin. Not John. No, uh, not John, no, as in uh Lenin, as in the the the the the the Russian was uh leader or listen, one thing I've learned over the last few weeks is I'm not gonna even try to talk about things I know nothing about. The days of me engaging in political discourse are over, it's done, it's done, it's dusted. If you want to hear political discourse, may I recommend a little known podcast called the Brendan O'Connor newspaper panel? The joys of being able to listen back to the newspaper panel. Oh, love it. So, anyway, that's where you need to go. Long story short, the first time I did my Lehman search was in the year 2000. Didn't know what I was doing in my life. Then, since then, obviously I was an oral examiner for many years for the El Guelga. I was a terrible examiner. Let me tell you why. The reason I was a terrible examiner was I used to just give everyone full marks. Now, the reason I gave everyone full marks was not, you know, of course I wanted to give them a leg up, all of that, but also I just didn't trust my own opinion. I mean, when I uh when I tell you that in the year 2012 I decided to get hair extensions. Now, here's the thing that that in and of itself isn't weird, but I have naturally curly hair and I decided to get straight hair extensions. Now that's fine if you're somebody who's disciplined and who straightens their hair on a regular basis. I wasn't. So I was quite quite happy to go around the place with very curly hair and long straight, like it was like a rat's tail, long straight hair extensions, and I thought this was a good look. So who am I to be telling somebody, oh, that's a good essay or that's a bad essay? No, at the best of times, I'm really not confident in my own grading and my ability to mark students. I just I never trust my opinion on anything. I I have historically had a really, really bad, you know, somebody who is very good at judging people, I'm the opposite of that. I uh I will invite any else tray talk into my life and then deal with the consequences after. And I it's really bad. I can't I cannot believe I'm 43 years of the planet, still can't read people at all. So I'm not good at grading people, I'm not good at judge judging people in any well, we all judge people, let's not get self-righteous about it. But I'm talking about judging a student in an exam setting. So I did the oral exams reviewers, I was terrible, and the reason I was terrible was people would come into me day one, so I always would ask people, oh and Valen Pat the eagle, which is a dangerous question when you're asking if somebody has any pets, because it could go either way, and I don't know why I kept asking the question. Because invariably what would happen is you'd say, Oh, Valen, Pat the eagle, and then the person in front of you would say, The cottigum. The cot the gum. You're like, oh god, the second they switch to the aim shakata, you know you're in trouble because that means that cat is gone. Gone. So yeah, it would be a lot of talking about the pets and the aim shakata, a lot of sad faces, and it's just so there's nothing worse than knowing you've asked the wrong question and you'd spent the next 15, nearly 20 minutes with this person, and you're after basically pouring salt into gaping wound. So usually what I would do in that case would be I would say, do you know what? Pick whatever traffic door you'd want at you want, and I'd I'd mark them very easy. But of course, what would happen then is word would get around, they'd start chatting amongst themselves. So by day two, uh word would have spread that I loved an El Sab story. So you'd have fellas coming in to you saying, Oh, you know, I survived 9-11 and the tsunami in Thailand, and you'd be looking saying, Oh, really? Because you've you're just after telling me your date of birth was 2004. No, I was definitely in 9-11. And they'd be saying things like, Oh, last night my house went on fire and my cat was in the house. Like, oh anyway, I've no one to blame but myself. It it would honestly would make Andrea look like a rom-com. It was just so sad. So many sad stories coming at me. It really well, and you see what would happen there is I just say, Look, I'll just give them the marks. I'll just give them the marks. Now, all of that is well and go. Now, sometimes if they really made no Eruct at all, I take away a few marks. I might only give them 550 or something, but the majority of the time everyone's getting full marks for me because my attitude is a conversation is a two-way street. I mean, it's a symbiotic thing. I can't be turning around saying, Oh my god, that was a terrible conversation, it's all on you. No, maybe they weren't bad at all, maybe it was me, maybe I was bad. So I used to give them all full marks, and then the funniest part was there was a moment in time, it wasn't about 10 or 11 years ago, basically they couldn't get oral examiners, they were short, and I remember they were on like Matt Cooper or somebody, and they were talking about how they were actually seriously considering uh doing away with it altogether because they could not get the examiners to do the Irish exams, the Irish oral exams. And I remember listening to Matt Cooper, and they were talking about well, yeah, we might need to scrap them, people are up in arms because obviously it's 40%, and it's so important to have an oral component to any language. And I was driving around to my Yaris because, like, obviously, once a moon tour, always a moon tour, and I was listening to this and I was thinking, but you haven't you haven't got back to me when I applied this year. In other words, I was applying to do this, and they were like, Do you know what? We'd rather scrap the oral exam altogether than to get this one back. That's how that's how bad I was. I was so bad. Kind of reminds me of, I mean it's probably unrelated, but I don't know, in terms of my zigzaggy brain, to me it's related. I can remember the year I was in Australia many moons ago. No, that I'm doing another slurp, another Phoenifall County Councillor Slurp. So I can remember when I was in Australia for that year back in the noughties, we were all looking for jobs, and there was all these cafes. I mean, I'm sure they're still there along Bondai Beach. This, I don't know, it's like this secret beach in Sydney. It's like a hidden gem in Sydney, Bondai Beach. Uh, do checking out the hidden the hidden gem that is Bontai Beach. So there was all these cafes there, and uh they'd have signs up in the windows saying waitress wanted or whatever. And I would go in and say, Oh, can I apply for the waitressing job? And then the person would say, Are you Irish? and I'd say yes, and they'd say, No, no, we don't need a waitress. And I can remember complaining to an Australian friend of mine uh how unjust this was, and this was such discrimination, and like, you know, I was telling her all about like no blacks, no Irish, no dogs, and how it was just so pervasive across the Commonwealth. And I remember her saying, Yeah, but the reason why they don't want Irish waitresses is because I say this with love. I remember she said she's like, what happens is it's like you know, they just go off and party and then they don't turn up for work. And I was like, How dare you? And then I was mortally offended. Then I got a job in a cafe in Panthe Junks Junction with the creepiest boss I've ever had in my life. Oh my god, he was awful. It was a horrendous, it was well the food I'm sure was fine. It was a bit of a it was a bit of a Roy's Rolls kind of a, you know, it was that kind of vibe. So it was fine, but he was such a creep, such a creep. Like he used to drop stuff and he used to ask you to bend over and pick it up, like he would throw a fork and ask you to bend over and pick up the fork, always brushing past you, like had no respect for personal space, like just always pressed up against you like you're at a junior cert disco. He was disgusting, he was like well into his 60s, he was so gross. Uh so I got a job there, and I was, you know, after saying to my friend, I was really annoyed at her, uh saying, Well, I can kind of see where the Bonte Beach cafe owners are coming from because when I And then I got this job in Bontai Junction, and your man was throwing forks in the ground saying, Oh, bend over and pick that up and pressing up pressing up against me. And then I went out one night and I just didn't ever go back. Because I was just I basically just didn't turn up one day. So, in other words, we now understand why the Bandai Beach cafe owners were like, No, thank you. So, to be fair, I was really reinforcing the stereotype there. But yeah, so that's when I was doing the oral exams, they took me off that fairly lively, and then I haven't done it, so I'm a reader, I've never been a reader. I was a scribigo a few times. I remember I was a scribe for a lovely girl in a school in Dublin that I was teaching in. And again, the whole thing with the scribe is you're supposed to be just taking down what the other person is saying. So I would just add to it a little bit because at the time I kind of felt it was a collaborative endeavour. And then I remember turning up for leaving cert results today, and the principal would later say, I knew something was wrong when you turned up and you were like, Oh, I was so nervous last night, couldn't even sleep. How did we do? He knew then I had helped too much. And the student in question, now even by my standards was a bit nuts, they got like 550 points or something crazy. There was practically a Stuart's inquiry. So that was the last time they had me on. So now this time they don't let me have a pen. I'm not allowed to have a pen in my hand, I can only read the question, which is so frustrating for me because you do just want to get involved. It's the moon tour disease. You just want to jump in and be like, Can I help you? And by help you, I mean give you the answer. But there's none of that now, and it's grand, we're nearly done, it's fine, we're nearly out the gap. I've been having a nice time. We were in England at the weekend, myself and Ted, myself and the five-year-old, we went off on a bit of an adventure. I, you know, when you book flights well in advance, I was such an idiot. I'll tell you what I did now. I booked um, I booked flights to fly from. So we were going to a holy communion in Sheffield. I didn't feel confident bringing the two kids, to be honest. I said I'd bring Ted. I felt terrible. I felt really awful leaving JJ, who's two and a half behind, but I just did not feel confident enough in bringing the two of them. And I know that's ridiculous. Like, I've been at this parenting thing a while. I don't know why I don't feel more confident. Um, as of yet, not fully adapted to bringing the two kids on Long John. So I said I'd just bring Ted on his own, which made me feel so bad. Um, even though JG had a great time with his dad. So I booked crazy flights. The flights were flying from we the communion, the communion was on in Sheffield. The flights were flying from Manchester to Manchester from Cork, and they were going at 8 a.m. on the Saturday. 8 a.m. Oh, which obviously means like technically, like Cork Airport is a small airport, and to be honest, you don't have to be there an hour and a half beforehand. But I was a bit nervous because of course I'm such a pl as we've established, I'm such a you know, a person, what is it, the B type personality, that I left it too late to book the car park. So then when I went on, they were all booked out. So I said, well now I have to allow a bit of extra time to make sure we get a fecking car space. And to be fair, they were few and far between, because obviously we're in the summer, people are on holidays, but I was lucky enough to get one, but because of that, I said I actually do need to be there an hour and a half beforehand. So we had to leave deal at half past four, myself and Ted. I was dragging him out of bed. I mean, the poor fella. Oh she'd sleep in the car, no. He's awake, he's up, he's about got onto the plane, thought he'd sleep in the plane, no. Got off in Manchester, we were so early, and this is a really bougie moment to me, and this just tells you why I'm so bad at money. I decided we were going to Legoland, and I said, Yeah, Risure, we'll get a taxi. A crazy money for the taxi, there was no need for it, but even in the taxi was hilarious because the taxi man, he was a lovely man. He I think was genuinely fearing for our safety. He thought we were such Irish country pumpkins because we got into the taxi, and again, he was a lovely man. But he starts off asking Ted if he's into the soccer, and then Ted was saying he liked football, so he was like, Yes, soccer. So this went on and on, and like I was trying to translate that by football we mean Gaelic football. So he was like, Oh, okay, so then he was saying, So do you like soccer? Is that what you guys call it? And I said, Well, we're not re I said he's not really into the soccer, and then Ted was really, really annoyed and was like, I love soccer. And your mom was like, Oh, what team do you support? And I was like, Oh god, how do I explain to this man that like this fella has like he's only five? He has no concept of the Premier League, it's just alien to him, and like when Ted's saying he loves soccer, what he loves is he He loves passing a ball. He loves walking past a ball in the hallway and kicking it at something breakable. Like that's Ted's definition of soccer. So this went on and on. And he was like, oh, you know, Lego land's gonna not even gonna be open by the time we get there, because of course it's not, because I booked these crazy dawn flights from Reiner. As we all know, the flight times for Reiner are insane. Do you know somebody told me recently, and I actually felt personally crushed, that apparently the only reason Reiner are even flying from Kerry Airport is that it's cheaper for them to park their planes there. Now that can't be true, because that that actually feels like a mortal wound, does it not? Can't be true. Anyway, so we arrive, we're so early that your man's like, oh, I'll drop you to Tim Hortons. Then he proceeds to explain to me what Tim Hortons is. I was like, listen, love, I had a nervous breakdown. I was over in Canada one summer having a nervous breakdown. I know all about Tim Hortons. For me, the doughnuts all taste salty because they taste of tears. I had a very emotional summer in Vancouver. Loved Vancouver, but I was an emotional, emotional wreck at the time. Loved a bit of Tim Hortons though, so I knew all about it, but it was hilarious because then when he was dropping us up, he was telling me how off, he was telling me how to cross the road, and I was a bit indignant. I said, Oh, I think I sir, I think I know how to cross the road. And then hilariously, I couldn't work out how to cross the road. And we were myself and Ted were walking around what I thought was a footpath, turned out to be a Starbucks drive-thru. So we nearly got knocked down, and the worst part was it was a feckin' Starbucks. Starbucks. I said, uh uh we where whatever about getting knocked down, Ted. We can't get knocked down here because it's a Starbucks, and I don't want people thinking that I broke the boycott for a feckin' Starbucks. A Starbucks can't even say the word starbucks. Anyway, so we went to Legoland, we'd a great time, we left Legoland, and uh again it was all going well, even though then we left and my little fella decided to make a break for the tramler tram line, which was all a bit of crack, and I'm hoping it's just a phase he's going through at the moment, but he's being quite I would say kind of obstinate about things. Like he's just being a bit count though on it, being a bit stubborn, and I don't know what it is about a tram rot tram line which makes five-year-old boys going, go, hey, I'm just gonna I'm just gonna head straight for that. And I'm nervous around tram lines because I don't know if I ever told the story, but you remember when they initially brought the Dublin bus spikes in to you know the the the the do you know the the the the Dublin bus bike scheme when they initially brought that into Dublin hilariously they only discovered after they brought the bikes in after they discovered after the fact that the bike wheels were the same width as the Lewis lines, right? So people were getting stuck in the Lewis lines and I was living in Inchigore at the time, loved it, loved being in Dublin 8. I was coming home one night and I got stuck in the Lewis line. Hilariously, I got stuck in the Lewis line outside James's hospital, which is both ironic and convenient, and I came off the bike as the Lewis was coming along, it was absolutely terrifying, because I fell off as I was trying to try I was trying obviously trying to get out of the feckin' Lewis line. I fell off and then the Lewis was coming along and I had was pulling put I had was trying to get the bike out of the Lewis line and then because I'd fallen my bag and all its contents were all over the ground, and then this fella who'd been hanging around the corner outside James's hospital came running down and uh told me he was picking women up off the ground all day long. Apparently this was happening all the time. So I really messed up my knee actually at the time, and the worst part was your man said, I said, and I'm not gonna do the accident because we don't do accidents, it's 2026, but your man said uh anyway, I said, Oh, I'm just down in Inchiko or whatever, and he was like, I would help you. I he said, Oh, you know, I I would I'd bring the bike down for you, but I'm actually working. I have such a bad how am I doing such a bad job and accents? Anyway, look, that was my attempt. So uh I said, You're working, and then I was only laughing afterwards because like he was literally just hanging around the street corner. I I think we can all presume what the work was. But he was a very, very nice man. Very nice man. And he did say he was he did say he wished he could help me, but I was like, don't worry. So then I brought the bike to the nearest bike stand, it was full. Brought the bike to the next nearest bike stand Kilmainum, it was also full. This went on and on. I went around to four bike stands, and what I wanted to do was I just wanted to drop the bike at the side of the road, but true, you can't do that because obviously it's on the cart. Like I mean, they know who you are. You can't just dump the bike, and it just really reminded me of I was going around with this bleeding leg, like lit not like that. Was my attempted Dublin accident bleeding leg. That was I'm saying my leg was bleeding for clarity. And I just remember thinking, I am never getting this Dublin bus bike again, because this just reminds me of like when you have a fight with a boyfriend and you're in the car, and you you you still have to stay like the the boyfriend is driving you somewhere and you still have to sit in the car together because there's no way out because you're just stuck with one another. It was really like that, and eventually I found a bike stand that I could return the bike to, and I just swore never again. And then so look, my history with trams, it's been checkered, is what I'm saying. So uh yeah, was a bit concerned when my little fella made a dart for the tram. But then we got the train from Manchester, we got on the tram, all was well. We got on the train, Manchester to Sheffield, got off in Sheffield, went to uh visit our cousins, went to see our cousins, which was nice, but also, you know, the second you arrive at a house, I just took one look at Ted and I said, Oh my god, this child has literally at this point been up for 12 hours straight. He's been up since 4 a.m., hasn't slept, and he's actually pooped. So I said, look, we'll head away. Attempted to do an Andos with limited success. I mean, he ate nothing, absolutely nothing. Also, I I mean, I don't know, is it is it an Andos thing or is it just a cost of living thing? Couldn't get over the price. I said, What? 30 pounds excuse him? Anyway, went back to the hotel, was staying in a perfectly nice hotel, it was perfectly fine, was a bit worried it was going to be Stag City because I didn't realise when I booked it, you know when you don't know a city, I had no clue what area we were booking it for, and then I only discovered after the fact it was effectively like Temple Bar uh the Temple Bar of Sheffield. But thankfully it was fine, thank God. And they had a waffle maker in the morning for breakfast, so that was great. And then it was so funny because when we went back to the hotel on the Saturday night, like I was exhausted because Ted got up at 4 a.m. But I was up at like quarter to four. So obviously you're just running on empty at that point. Then we were in the bed because we had a nice big double bed together, and I said, This is great now. I'm gonna get an early night. And next thing I hear the words that no parent ever wants to hear. Ted says, 'I'll teach you to play chess. Kill me now. So uh in a bid to be a nineties parent, I foolishly brought a travel set of chess, he has been playing it with his dad, and I don't know has anyone ever taught you how to play chess, but there's a lot of rules. You do not want to start learning at 8 pm on a Saturday night after we've all been up for a million hours. So still could not tell you one rule from the chess, and like I felt so bad because here's the thing at one point I actually got down on my hands and knees and I begged out. I said, please, I'm begging, please, please, please, can you stop with the chess? And here's the thing that's terrible because you know, you want to be encouraging them to be into things like chess, you know, you you do really. What was that? What was that show? The Queen Scambit, the what you want him to be, even though wasn't she an alcoholic? Oh, yes, she was. That was someone said, I I've got this idea. We have this um amazing chess player, and she's uh a prodigy, she's actually a genius, she is a chess prodigy. It's during the Cold War period, so like we have a lot of like Soviet versus the Yanks type thing, and she's uh it's like we've got all these really interesting relationships going on, and there's a geopolitical aspect of it, and then somebody in Netflix is like, yeah, but it's a woman, it just nobody's gonna nobody's gonna be into it. Let's just make her interesting. Let's just make her an alcoholic. And to be fair, that was probably the more interesting aspects of her, but like I'm saying it's not great. Anyway, so obviously you want to be encouraged them at the bits and the bobs, and look, you don't know, they're still so young, like they might get into sport, and you don't want them to feel like you're not encouraging the other hobbies. But so I know it's it's it's it's a privileged enough complaint to be like, please can you stop with the chess? But honestly, I was on my knees on that tiled floor, the Hampton by Hilton and Sheffield, I was on my knees begging him, please, please, please put away the chess set. I just can't take it anymore. So the next morning we went to the Holy Communion and you forget as well, I suppose the Catholic Church is like it's a minority religion in England, I suppose, is it? Because here's the thing in Ireland you see a church, you just kind of presume it's a Catholic church. Because it usually is. I mean, I can remember all the times the Americans used to be coming, and we run, there's always there's uh it's the summer now, so they're running again. There's like three nights a week, they'll have trad concerts, traditional music concerts in Dingle in St. James's Church, which is where other voices are filmed. And I can remember, they've been running for years. I can remember an American lady one day saying to me, Don't you guys, don't you guys now what they've said mind, put that up in the word, oh bother. That's what she said. She said, Doesn't it bother you guys that you know every like three nights a week you've all these tourists just taking over your church? And I said to her, Oh no, sure, it's grand, it's only the Protestant church. And she kind of backed slowly out of the music shop where I was working because you know she certainly didn't want sectarians, any sectarianism of a sunny summer's afternoon. But I wasn't actually trying to be dismissive of the Protestants. Like what I meant by that was when I said, Oh no, it's grand, it's only the Protestant church. What I meant by that was uh there's so few Protestants about the place, it's affecting very few people, but instead I sounded really up the ra. I was like, feck them anyway. Funny, I had so many funny instances in that music shop. Another one which I was only recalling recently was I can remember you'd have a lot of Americans coming in looking for stuff with very little information whatsoever. And I can remember a lady coming in and she said, I'm looking for a song. I said, Do you have the singer's name? No, she didn't. Do you have the name of the song? No. So it was this was getting trickier and trickier. And then I said, Do you have a lyric? She said, It's something about I don't have the exact lyric, but it's something about a heart and a woman and a woman and she's talking about her heart, and I said, Oh, a woman's heart. I honestly still can recall this woman nearly dropped down. She nearly collapsed in shock at my encyclopedic knowledge of Irish music. I said, Yeah, it's a woman's heart by Mary Black. Played it and she started to weep. Like she just thought I was a genius. She thought I was the Queen's gambit of Irish traditional music. So we do forget that in other places the big church isn't necessarily the Catholic church. So we were driving along and I was walking outside the church. I was walking up and down. I said, Where is this Catholic church? Little did I know I was standing outside of it. I just thought it was a house. That's how unassuming it was. And it was very cute inside. And uh I have to say, the priest made a big effort. I actually thought the priest was very good. A lot of music. I don't remember Mass being that boppy. And I did have to laugh because um our five-year-old was there, and I honestly don't know if he has ever been a mass. Sorry, he has been. We attempted Christmas Eve Mass this year, and it was a disaster because he was watching Home Alone back to back and he just kept shouting out lyrics from the film, and like first of all, he started off with, Oh Kevin, you're what the French call laissez compaton, and people were kind of laughing, but then he started shouting out, I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass. And I was like, It's time to go. So that was our only other attempt at Christmas Eve Mass. But to be fair, he was fairly well behaved. I did have to take him out towards the end, but like, would you blame him? It's kind of long. Um now the priest did make a good effort. I felt he was good at kind of breaking it down for the stud for the kids who were doing the communion. So he was asking them now, who's your favourite saint? And they were shouting out, Oh, Anthony! Like different, you know, different people and John. And I had to laugh because it reminded me of years ago back in the noughties when I was in college. I remember I was walking down Trimconda with my best friend from Dingle, and then this man emerged from the shadows and he asked us who our favourite saint was. So obviously I knew this man was a lunatic because it takes one to know one. Adneen Kiro Kiro Gennis is you, and I was hurrying my friend along, but because she's just so lovely and friendly, she engaged with this man, which was a huge mistake. Because then he was like, Who's your favourite saint? And she misheard him and thought he was saying, Who's your favourite saint? And she was like, Oh, I don't know, 50 is pretty cool. And she he was kind of looking at her very confused, and then she started singing the song, you know, Patty for the club, what is it? Um uh Patty in the club, bottle full of bud, mama, got what you need. And he was looking increasingly angry at us, and then he was like, No, saint, saint, and then when she heard correctly, she was like, Oh, I don't know, Anthony's pretty cool, and I was like, Oh my god, we need to get out of here. And then he said, Where are you from? And my friend said, Kerry. And he said, I once hitchhiked to Kerry, and I was like, Come on, so anyway, so I was forcing her to scurry along, and we were barely out of earshot, and she said, Isn't that crazy that that man hitchhiked to Kerry? And I said, sorry now, that's sorry, that's the cra that's the bit that you took from the conversation that was crazy. Not the bit where he's stopping people in the street asking them who his favourite saint who your favourite saint is. That bit is fine, but the hitchhiking to Kerry, no, that's the crazy part. Anyway, so I was rec I was recalling that when uh the priest was asking everyone who their favourite saint was, and then he volunteered, and I did like the way he was kind of making it accessible, like he moved away from that. You know, that lectern thing, I'm sure there's like an official religious name for it, but you know, he was kind of talking to them and getting them involved, but then he said, Oh, do you know who my favourite saint is? Is Saint Teresa. Is it Teresa? Tra Saint Therese? You know who I'm talking about. She's like the Sabrina Carpenter of Saints. And he said, uh, oh, you know, she's my favourite saint. And you know, there was this story about how when she first took the body of Christ, sorry for laughing, when she first took the body of Christ, she started to cry because she said she was so happy that she was after having her first kiss with Jesus. I mean, I'm not saying she didn't say that, because she, you know, as the Soprena carpenter of patron saints, she probably did. But do we need to go there? Can we just have the abridged version? And anyway, as he was talking, and he was a very nice priest, he was a very nice priest, but as he was talking about the how she was so happy and having her first kiss with Jesus and how magical it was. My auntie who I was sitting beside, and you see, they're of a certain generation, Irish women in their 70s, they it's not that they don't give a shite, but I suppose you're just at that stage where you just can't, you just maybe you you just either can be bothered whispering or just you're physically incapable of doing so. So as he was talking about, you know, Saint Teresa's first kiss, first shift with Jesus. My auntie says beside me very loudly, what's he on about? It was so funny because it was a small church, like tiny. So anyway, that was a good giggle. Then we went, we'd a lovely time with communion, we made it back to the plane, all was well, we're living our best life. Uh miss have been missed out on Love Island. I haven't watched Love Island since poor old Caroline Flack left it so tragically. I haven't been able to watch it, and I know that's I just haven't been able to watch it. Um, but I have been following the clips now on the old tickety talk, and I see Sean Fitz, Fitzy, he's trying to get Fitzy off the ground, but I think none of them did none of them go along with that. Like nobody was biting. I did see one clip where he was trying to get it off the ground, and everyone's just like, no, you're Sean. Uh so I did see that Sean uh Fitz, the Gaway footballer and primary teacher, is on Love Island. And um speaking, actually, speaking of which, my principal, I so funny. They called me, he caught sent me a text last week saying if you're around school, pop in, I have something for you to sign. Went down to the office and he stood up, shook my hand, he said, Coordinus, congratulations. I said, us for. He said, You're back next year, we have a job for you. And he had the contract to sign. And I said, Oh, I just kind of presumed I was back. And he thought I was messing, but I wasn't messing. And I was laughing and I was like, honestly, this makes so much sense now. Because for the last few months, other teachers have been saying to me, any news on next year, do you think you'll be back? Turns out I was going around the place, presuming I had a job. I did not have a job. I was just going around the place, like thinking I was like Me Hall Martin, a total lifer over here, made of Teflon. Turns out I didn't necessarily have a job at all. Anyway, so he was apologizing for the anti-climax, saying, I'm so sorry. I thought you'd be, you know, I thought like you'd be delighted at having the job. I said, Oh yeah, no, I just presumed I'd be back. And I do just have my level of delusion. Like, that's me all over. I'm like the GA catfish. It's just impossible to get me out of your school. Anyway, so Sean Fitz in the pension. I see he's I'm not following it, but the good thing about TikTok is she don't even need to be watching it now to be following it, really. Uh I'm not really following it, but I think I could start watching it now. I think I could start. I know there's been a lot of talk about Charlene Murphy maybe going in, and I'm a big fan of her. I mean, she oh, what she has done for cucumbers. You know, she's the one who started this cucumber salad thing, and she just seems like a really, really lovely girl. I just really, really like her. Um, but I might start to watch now because I do think Sean and uh Fitzy and this low who what's the name of the girl he's with now? Let me look it up. Lola, Lola. They seem like a nice little couple. Uh now, again, as I do, I am a little bit concerned about his pension, um, in the way that only a teacher can be. And I think I just come from a long line of people who love a pension. Like my mum and dad. My dad was a guard and my mum was a teacher. So their love language was pensions. Do you know what I mean? So that's the environment I'm coming from. Like we're all just products of our child of our of our environment, really. I wonder hang on, I'm gonna look up to see what Lola does for a living. Oh god, maybe he could get the job back after the summer and he he would have the pension. Maybe it wouldn't affect his pension, I don't know. Oh, for God's sake, hang on! Lola is a detective, she's a police officer. It's over, it's done. Game over. Mike drop over here. So you mean to tell me Sean Fitz has gone all the way to Love Island? Sean Fitz, the primary teacher, has gone all the way to Love Island to end up with a guard. It's basically he could have gone to Copperface Jacks for that. It's Copperface Jack's the musical over here. Oh, listen, that's it now. The deal is done. They have to win. A police officer and a teacher, you couldn't write it. My god. Anyway, listen, ye've been gorgeous. I'm so happy to be back. We're finding our rhythm. It's the start of the summer. We are I have a little surprise for ye on Thursday. I have a little surprise. I'm not gonna I'm it's not gonna be everyone's cup of tea, but I'm gonna try to do it every week over the course of the summer, and if people enjoy it, I'll keep it going after the fact because it's not gonna take me hopefully too much time if I can get my shit together. It won't be everyone's cup of tea, but let's just say it might be some people's cup on tea. Ooh! Very quickly, can I give a big shout out to Gavin? Thank you, Gavin. Gavin, Jennifer, and Nattie. Thanks so much for messing with me and asking when the pod was back. And I said it'll be back today. And you probably thought she's full of shite. It was technically back today. It was late today, but it's back today, and we'll be back every day for the rest of your life. Cannot believe Sean Fitz and Lola. Oh my god. Just a little pensions, I'm telling you. No better love language. Okay, thanks so much for listening, guys. You've been gorgeous. I've been Julie J. Thanks a bit. Bye.