Bold Poles, 13-12 and Moving to Switzerland

'I think you not being good on Love Island is less to do with you inability to be strategic and more to do with the fact you are a 45 year old who is married.'

I'm talking about tormenting my poor, long-suffering DPD man, why you should never use a Flash wipe as an eye cleanser and how my friend's German husband solved the 13-12 mystery that has haunted me for nearly three years.

If you have enjoyed the pod, I would be so grateful if you could rate or review wherever you get your episodes. Thanks so much for being here! J x

Transcript

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Oh, do you know what I did last week? This could only happen to me, and I've honestly been haunted by it ever since. I've had seven days and seven nights of nightmares. This could only happen to me. I feel so bad about this incident. So last week, myself and my two and a half-year-old JJ, we were um touring the streets of Dingle as is our want of a Tuesday morning, and we happened upon a fella who was building a wall. So he was uh doing a bit of brick work, he was obviously a bricklayer, and uh JJ loves he loves building stuff and all that crack. So we were watching him build a wall. I mean, it is actually kind of a an art, it's a craft, isn't it? So we were watching this guy building the wall, which even as I say it out loud, must have been really really annoying for him. It would be kind of like, you know, if you're teaching and if a fellow teacher walks past the door of your classroom and says, Hey, do you mind if I sit in and just watch how you do your job? Like it must be terrible. Anyway, some notice I must have better etiquette in future. Anyway, so we were watching this man build the wall, he was really nice. Um, because JJ was giving claps in all the right places. So we were watching this guy, and then a friend of mine came along who I haven't seen in ages, and I was chatting to her, and as I was chatting to her, I took the eye off the ball, and my little guy, JJ, he didn't he walk into pole. So he was obviously upset because you're not gonna nobody's happy when they walk into polls, and we do this thing where if he walks into an inanimate object, I will chastise the inanimate object as just this little funny thing that we do together. And I was giving out to the polls, so I was saying, bold pole, you are not a nice pole. That is so you are a bold pole, you are a bold pole. So my little guy, JJ, he was pissing himself, because like I mean, you know, easy crowd. What can I say? If only all the comedy audiences were that easy. So he was pissing himself, and then uh your man looks up. So the guy who we had just been watching for five minutes building wall looks up as I am saying, bull pole, bull pole. He looks up. Honestly, my soul is leaving my body even recounting this. I can't believe I'm admitting that this actually happened. He looks up and says, Are you talking to me? I said, Oh no. So he was speaking in an Eastern European accent, and I was after pointing in his direction, saying bold pole. And in my horror, I said, Oh my god, is he Polish? And I'm literally pointing at this poor man saying bold pole. Like he genuinely looked very confused as to what was going on. I said, No, no, no, I was just talking to the pole. I mean, that only complicated it further, because you are just a mad woman then, admitting that you were you're going around having full-blown conversations with inanimate objects. So I was off City Mortified, and afterwards I messaged my friend. I said, I am so I feel terrible because that poor man I think he might have been Polish. And she was anyway, she did the whole like, oh, you know, laughing faces, you're cast. And it it's not gas, because you don't want to be offending, especially in the current climate. You don't want to be pointing at anyone saying bull, but I just I I honestly felt sick with myself. And then in a moment of serendipity, uh, later on that day, that afternoon, was an eye over in Morns, the petrol station here in Dingle, and he was at the deli. And I said, Julie, this is your chance. You'll probably never see this man again. And I went up and I said, Hi, excuse me, I just want to say I am so sorry again about this morning. And I just want you to know that like I wasn't pointing at you and I I wasn't talking to you. I genuinely, I know it sounds crazy, I genuinely was talking to the poll. It's just this funny thing that myself and my um and my little guy do, like when he walks into stuff, I give out to the inanimate object. And he looked very confused and he said, Oh, well, I'm it's fine then from Talon. And I said, Oh, thank God. Immediately went home and Googled where Talon was. It turns out, turns out it's not in Poland, it's in Estonia. Thanks be to Jesus. So in the moment I was like, Oh, thank God, that was a close one. And we had a little giggle. He was like, So you're files. Uh uh, I'm from Thelon. I said, Oh, okay, that makes so much sense. And in my head, I was like, please tell me that's not Poland. Okay, yes, Estonia. Looked it up, it's beautiful, can't wait to go. So that was my mortification. That's currently auditing me. It's been seven days. What else is going on? Fitzy is lap dancing his way out of CID. He's over in Love Island, he's lap dancing. All those Croke Park hours that we spent learning lap dancing skills, they're finally paying off for Fitsi, and I'm delighted. Um, I'm not really watching Love Island. It's funny because I put up, I put up a few, like I'm I'm what I'm doing, like I'm watching the clips. I feel like the clips, it's terrible, isn't it? But like you really do get the gist from the clips. I mean, does anyone watch anything anymore? But I actually laugh because I was sitting there with my husband Fred last night, and we just caught the tail end of Love Island. And Fred was saying, you know, the way when it comes on, tomorrow night. And uh they were shown clips of what's happening. And Fred said to me, You see, that's why we were watching conversation between two people, and he said, That's why I could never do Love Island because I'm just not strategic like that, which by the way is such a faux insult to yourself. It's like really self-praise. It's like somebody saying, I could never do that because I'm not fake enough. Like it's just it's kind of like when people say to me about comedy, oh, you know, I could never do that. I'd just be mortified. You're like, okay, so you're saying that I have no dignity whatsoever, which isn't a complete lie. Anyway, so Fred's saying, Oh, I could never do Love Island. That's why I wouldn't be good on Love Island because I'm not strategic enough. I said, That's why you wouldn't be good on Love Island. Nothing, nothing to do with the fact that you're a 45-year-old man who's married. We did have a bit of a giggle, but like seriously, that's why you wouldn't be good on Love Island. Are you for real? Oh my word, come here to me. I am after getting a terrifying text there. Well, I wouldn't say terrifying, but I I my I wouldn't say my anxiety i is up to 90, but I'm definitely a bit nervous about seeing this fella. So I got a text from our lovely DPD driver who anyone who lives in a remote area, I think a lot of places on the West Coast, like you love to see the DPD driver coming. I know, I know we're all trying to support local as much as we can, but when it comes to the online, especially with the smallies, you do need the bits and pups. And honestly, that DPD driver, some days he turns up. I just want to shift the face off him. I'm so happy to see him. Up until a few months ago, I'll tell you what happened. So I've got a text to say he'll be calling today, and I am kind of nervous because I haven't seen him since this kind of a weird encounter. So what happened was a few months ago, uh, our lovely DPG driver called, and I say that because it's usually the same fella, because obviously Wes Carey is a bit of a trot. So there's probably only about two of them willing to do it. I mean, you're basically saying, Hey, do you want to go out to the outer Hebrides with a boogie board for some child who probably has enough? Anyway, so this fella, uh no, lovely guy, I won't name him, of course. A few months ago opened my door and he was standing at the door and he said, Did you guys get a package delivered to your house a couple of weeks ago? Not for you. And I was, I mean, I wouldn't say I was offended, but I was kind of taken aback. I said, No, wait, we would never take in a package, not for us. Because it is almost like postal theft, isn't it? I feel it's kind of a big deal. I said, no, listen, we'd never do that. He said, I need you guys to double check because according to our records, it was delivered here. I said, Listen, I'm afraid your records are wrong. I mean, I'll check, but I definitely did not take in a package that's not addressed for us. I checked, and indeed there was a package not addressed to us. Now, in my defense, it's very strange because first of all, the names on the box were not remotely similar. Also, in terms of dingle geography, I don't know if you're familiar with the sprawling cosmopolitan urban utopia that is Dingle, but you know, we're quite vast over here. And this street is so far away from us in Dingle, like it almost could not be further from us in Dingle Town. It's like the equivalent of you you get a package in Queens that's meant to be delivered to Manhattan. I mean, it's so far away. And I and the names weren't similar, and I was mortified because you know, obviously, you get a package in you say to yourself that you would kind of check the label. So then he said, Listen, I'm gonna take that package um because there's actually a girl, oh, there's a girl up the street who needs this package. And I was like, Okay, and then what happened was I turned the package over and I realized that the package had been opened. And I said, Oh dear. I said, Okay, the package has been opened, I'm afraid. So obviously, this poor man, like I'm making his day a lot worse, a lot worse. And I'd say when he realized it had been dropped off in this house, he said, Oh, for feck's sake, because it's basically dropping your house into a vortex, it's dropping a parcel into a vortex. We're disorganized and chaotic, the best of times. We live in a pony pocket house. I mean, you do the maths. My house, my husband's head, his scalp is constantly scraping off the ceiling. I mean, it's claustrophobic, it's chaotic, it's just we we have too much stuff, we keep ordering bookie boards off the internet. Uh, from uh Jeff Bezos. Like, it's just it's terrible. Anyway, so I so I said, look, this is open. So he rang the woman to whom he was supposed to be delivering this package, and they had a conversation in another language. Um, she sounded perfectly friendly, but I mean, I had no idea what was going on. So I was standing there with the toddler, who is, you know, he's Mr. Sunshine, cheeky smile, big curls, like usually gets a reaction from delivery men. Nah. Today was not the day. This fella was, he was, it was full-on iron curtain over here. He was giving him nothing, and I respect that because I was after making his day a lot worse. So he's given the toddler absolutely nothing. Because he's I could tell, he's like, for God's sake, why would you open a package that is not your own? But he can't say that. But obviously, any rational, you know, reasonable person would be thinking this. Because I myself was mortified. I said, I can't believe I'm after opening the. So I did say, I said the only explanation is my toddler opened the package, which come to think of it, is probably why he was giving JJ, my two-year-old, the cold shoulder. Because he was like, Yeah, you package opener. Yeah, you've got nice curls, but you go around opening other people's packages. I'm actually setting them up for a job on border control, you know, that really cool job where you get like opens people's packages. When I was living in Australia, literally every package that was coming to my house got opened and like they would write on it like suspicion of drugs. But obviously, there was never any drugs because you just got the package. So I don't know what it was about my aunties, teacher scroll. That I think probably what set off alarm bells was initially my auntie was the one, you know. Obviously, when you ran out in Australia, everyone got like a family Christmas package at Christmas, and I say that that was so superfluous. Obviously, you could put could have put two and two together if they're getting a family Christmas package. Yeah, Christmas Judy. That's when it happens. And I didn't get a package because my auntie had boxed everything up for me and sent it off, and then she wrote Sydney. You know, I was every cliche going Bondi Beach, that's where we were living, Bondi, uh, New South Wales, Sydney, USA. And they sent it back. And to this day, she's always giving out about the post office. She's like, How could Onpus not know that Sydney is in Australia? I'm like, you literally wrote how they couldn't just you the thing with the Postal Service, they can't just make a stab. They can't, you know, they can't just you wrote the wrong country on the package. Anyway, so no Christmas package for me. So maybe look, I don't know. I was always getting packages open. So I am well used to, but when you've done it to someone else, you do feel very bad. So we rang this lovely lady who was very friendly and reasonable, and then he said to her, obviously, again, I'd I presume I I presume he said to her, Oh, I'm gonna put her on to you now. So he handed me the phone, it was on speaker, and this lady, I said, I'm so sorry. Because it was a tight, this is the thing, right? It was a small package. So I said, This is probably just a small thing now, because obviously the package was empty and I was mortified. And I said, if I can work out what was in the package, maybe I can find it, maybe it's in the house, and maybe that part is in bubble wrap or something and it hasn't been opened. So she's handed to me, and I say to her, Can I ask what was in the package? And she said, face serums, and I said, Okay, and then suddenly, suddenly, the penny is dropping, guys, and I'm getting increasingly unnerved because I'll tell you why in a minute. Uh so I said to her, Okay, a face serum. Uh, what kind of face serum? And she said, Oh, uh, image. I said, Okay, now am I the only one? Right? I am not great with these things. I thought image was like very, I don't want to say low end, but you know, I thought it was like kind of similar to veen. Kind of, you know, like it's a reasonable, a nice price point. So I said, look, in my head, I was like, worst case scenario, if I have to pay for this now, it's only image. I said, Oh, okay, image. And she said, they're worth, wait for this, 120 euro each. She said, I had two, two things of face serum, uh, they're worth 120 euro each. I said, What? 240 euro on face serum? Now, the reason why I was petrified was because what are the odds of this? So I'm not somebody who's into skincare. I booked in to go for facial at the end of the week as a little treat for me because I promised myself when I got to the end of the school year, the one thing I was gonna do is I was gonna treat myself to facial. And the lovely facial person who I'm booked in with, Elaine Impure Beauty in Dingle, uh, who's like, I think she's a real ad for whatever she's doing and whatever she's doing to your face, because she is Benjamin Button. Like, I'm expecting to go in there any day now and just see a newborn baby behind the counter in pure beauty, because she's just getting younger and younger looking. So I'm like, listen, whatever you're doing, like I don't know, are you are you are you injecting teenager's blood into your face? Whatever it is, sign me up. We're leaving ethics on the at the door now because you look too good. So I was unnerved because uh I had in a mad fit. Now what I just have never in my adult life I would say done this. Uh, maybe in the years 2012 to 2015 when I was guilty of reckless spending, but other than that, certainly not in the last 10 years, I got a mad fit. I went online and I bought loads of skincare products. And the reason I did that was because I had intended to book in for a facial in the summer, and I was petrified because I had known that like you had to let her know what products you were using, and sure enough, now I booked in for the facial this week, and she did say, Send me a photograph of the products you're using, which is a really good idea. Like, then you can see what somebody is dealing with before they go in. But sure, I knew like months ago, I said, I need to get my act together now because if I'm going for a facial in the summer, I can't be telling Elaine sometimes I use a detail wipe as a cleanser. Sometimes I use a detail wipe. I have been known to use foot lotion on my face, and I I've used heel bam as a depuffer around my eyes. I just, if it's a cream, it's going on my face. I I can recall I ended up in the I and Ear hospital many years ago because I accidentally used was it a detail wipe? It was something I used in my eyes. I hadn't washed out my makeup for approximately four and a half years, and then I my eyes were really sore. I mean, really, I couldn't open them. I've always had sensitive eyes. Uh again, have referenced before that as a child I wore an eye patch. Thankfully, it was around the time of Gabrielle Dreams, came through. So I was still in vogue and didn't mind wearing an eye patch because it actually made me quite on trend. But anyway, my eyes were super sore, I very sensitive, and my dad accidentally handed me what was it, must have been a Detta wipe. Anyway, so my eyes popped up. I couldn't see a thing. I couldn't lie down because when I lay down, the pain was excruciating. So I just sat up all night and then my dad drove my mum was there as well, actually. I think mum and dad drove me into the INER hospital. So you'd think I'd have learned I was a flash wipe. Sorry, it was the flash wipe. So not much has changed because I do on occasion use a detail wipe. So I got this mad fit a few months ago. I said, Julie, you want to get it up the skincare? You've said you're gonna be going for a fashion in the summer. Uh talk about living your life in future tense. You need to get some cleansers and stuff now, so you're not going in there like a complete idiot. Complete Amazon. So, never done this before in my life. Decided to buy some face serums. And then the package from Boots came, so it's a brown package. I opened up, there were the Bist and Bobs, there was the face serum, there was an eye serum and a face serum, I think. And then another little package came which also contained face serum. So I said, Well, that's me all over. I obviously accidentally clicked a few face serums, they've all come together, so that's grand. So I had started using one of these face serums. Now this had gone on for two weeks. So I had originally presumed, oh, my two-year-old must have accidentally opened the box. No, no, no. It turned out that I had opened the box and I knew this when the woman said to me, Oh, it was face serums. I was like, oh no, but like, what are the feckin' odds? I've never ordered them before in my life. And then two separate packages of face serums come to the door. I mean, what are you to presume? So anyway, I was really panicking because now I was feeling really bad because I had opened this product and I could not say to your man, now I knew I'd only open one of them, but I couldn't say to your man, oh listen, I've been using this, like, look at my face. I'm I'm glowing. Uh I couldn't say that. I couldn't say you you must notice that since you came here, like I've really regressed. Like, I look 10 years younger. He we hold on at the phone. I said, Listen, I'll keep looking. And then I said, I really think my toddler must have opened this package because I could not at that point reverse. I couldn't reverse. I couldn't reverse. So we're standing in my hall, by the way, which you can swing a cat. It's absolutely tiny. So the three of us, myself, my two-year-old, the DPD man are there, and I s and I just was gonna, I suppose, soft-launching the fact that these products have been opened. I said, Do you know I will look for the products now? But I said, uh uh, the only thing is with my two-year-old, he might have opened the product and he might have started using it. And this is when the DPD driver started to get skeptical. He said, Um, why would he be using a face cream? He's two. Or well, he doesn't know the age. I think he's he's a baby. He's baby. Why would he use a face cream? I said, Oh, you know, kids, like they love opening up bubble wrap and opening up boxes and reading instructions and opening up and pressing, pressing the top of it and all the cream. They love all that. And he at this point, like his eyes were narrowing because he knew exactly what I was up to. Anyway, so I was like, I'll keep looking. So sure enough, went down to the bathroom, found the face serum, and was like, fuckin' anyway, 120 euro. Because the thing is, I would have paid the woman, obviously, if it was a reasonably pro, but I don't have 120 euro to be spending on a feckin' face serum. So I found the other one that hadn't been opened yet, thank God. And then I rang up DPT, I explained the situation, and basically your man, the driver, was like, look, when you find them, just drop them up to her, because obviously you have the address, it's on the box. So I was like, no bother. But then, of course, I rang TPD and I said, Look, I feel really bad. I don't know what to do because I don't want this woman to be out money. But I accidentally opened the box and I just didn't want to tell the poor driver because like he's enough to be doing, and blah blah. Anyway, so I explained. I think I might have I did I can't remember. I think I did just tell him the truth. I was like, Look, I feel really bad. I ordered skincare products, I didn't look at the box, but of course, I did sound like such a chancer because you know yourself. I know they can't see your boots order, your itemized boots order, but like. The stuff. I mean, we're talking like Booth's own brand all the way, like cucumber, cucumber eye cleanser. And then all of a sudden, I accidentally open a serum for 120. Anyway, so your man was a bit like, look, we'll sort her out, don't worry about it. But it just didn't feel right to have the stuff in the house at all. So what I did was I and I was so I've never been so relieved that somebody wasn't home. I put the stuff in the box and I put in a note explaining like this is the number for DPD. This was accidentally opened. He said you're entitled to a full refund. So this is where I felt grand. Because I was like, I just need to know that this woman will get her money back. And he was like 100% like we'll definitely get her money back. So I was like, grand. So then I wrote on the thing, like, oh, you'll definitely get a full refund. And um, this is the number you call to get your refund from TPT or whatever. And I had gone up, knocked on the door, called, she wasn't there. I could not tell you how relieved I was because I was like, I cannot re- as a woman to woman, I can't lie to this. I'll I mean I'm gonna feel terrible. And anyway, so haven't seen. So I dropped it up with the note, but obviously she knew some ugh, some gross individual down the street have been using her very expensive face serum. So look, she probab actually, do you know as I say it loud? The good news is she probably got the refund and got to keep the face serum. So that's Girl Matt's, isn't it? So I'm seeing the DPD driver today. He's bringing Shakar a boogie board. Shaka, because we need one. I honestly I'm so embarrassed because he must know. Like he I'm sure he met that woman after the fact and he was like, Did you get sort? And she he she was like, You'll never guess what, but your one was using it the whole time. I mean, he must think I'm such a Shlevine. Anyway, any other news? Do you know what I was thinking recently? You know, there's been such uh which is really wonderful, I think. Like so many people diagnosed with neurodivergence, and I have mentioned on this podcast 100% I am neurospicy. Like many people, I can't afford the consultation currently, but I look forward to getting diagnosed with whatever it is this is, because I know it's something, and getting the medication that seems to have people, my god, it's so clear in my life who is on the ADHD medication because they are killing it, they're an absolute fire, they're so productive. It's kind of like you know, when you used to get letters from people out of the blue apologising for being horrible to you, and it was clear they were down the sober path, they were after joining. Similarly, people are responding to my emails like people I emailed back in 2017 are getting back to me. So it's great. Everyone is getting diagnosed, everyone's getting the appropriate treatment. I can't wait to do it for myself once. I was raging because I'm with VHI and I thought they might cover it. Anyway, they don't. So, like, I mean, what's the point of the VHI? says you. But anyway, they don't cover that or anything I actually need them for, which has me questioning, do I need VHI? But anyway, that's a whole other I'll tell you what that is. That's the Brenton O'Connor newspaper panel podcast. That's not that's not the comedy, the on-fire number one, Ireland's number one comedy podcast over here, venting. But there was a moment in time, so I was very into uh all these but these documentaries on Channel 4, and I kept watching the ones on, say, like bipolar and different things, and I was convinced it because it was around the time as well that Britney was diagnosed as bipolar, and anyone who knows me knows that I have this particular affinity with Britney Spear, always loved her, did a whole show about her. So when she was diagnosed, my fellow Sagittarius Queen as bipolar, I said, Well, maybe I'm bipolar if Britney's bipolar. And I remember I kept going back to uh the same guy, the same doctor, and I kept going back to him and I said, I said, I think I'm bipolar, and he kept telling me, Judy, you're not bipolar. This went on and on. And he eventually referred me to a psychologist because I was like, I really think I could have bipolar. Could I get a second opinion? So he referred me to a psychologist, and the guy, it was some guy who used to come to Dingle, I think, once a month or something. And I went in and I gave all my symptoms, and I said, I'm 99% sure this is what's going on. And he said to me, Okay, well, I can tell you for a fact, you're not bipolar. I said, Oh, uh no, I really think because I I have ups, I have downs. And he said, Well, okay, describe what you think is you in a manic episode. Is you, is you on the up to use your terminology. So I said, Well, you know, I just feel really content, like I'm smiling from ear to ear, um, like I'm laughing, I want to spend time with my friends, I'm really social, like I'm going out all the time, I'm having the crack, like I'm just really, really happy, like too happy. And he said, Okay, so what you described there is just being happy, just like making the best of all. That's what you're describing here. So that actually is just normal. And I was like, Okay, so eventually I just gave up the ghost. Hi, darling. Hi, but it was kind of funny. Like, imagine when you keep going back to doctor, and you're like, I'm I I must be bipolar, and he's like, I you still So we had this conversation last week, Julie. You're still not bipolar. Anyways, that was very reassuring. Uh such a do you know what? Last week I had a lovely visit with a friend, and this friend, she lives in Switzerland, so thoughts and prayers can't be easy for her. Starting a GoFundMe any day now. Oh my god, her pictures. Do you know what I realised? She would put up pictures and I'd say she's recently had a baby. She looks amazing, uh, gorgeous baby, lovely partner, like all the rest. And she, you know, they put up pictures and they're out and about and they're sitting on a sundick. And the whole time I was like, Oh, that's isn't that great? She's she's only six weeks part postpartum and she's out and about, she's going to restaurants. Turns out this is their house. This is Switzerland for you. Like, it's unbelievable stuff. Anyway, there's a reason why Tina Turner moved there because they were serious. Um, so yes, I went to visit this friend of mine and her husband is German. And when I was there, I uh was, I don't know, whatever way my wrist was showing. People were like, oh, uh, because there was another friend of ours there, and somebody said, Oh, what's that tattoo on your wrist? And I said, That's my children's birthdays. And I told them the story. I always have a bit of a giggle saying, Oh, I got it after my mom I felt was inferring. She probably wasn't, because I'm just a hyper spensitive, hyper sensitive person. And I really feel like I have been in this postpartum delirium for like the last six years. So I I felt that she was inferring that I was less than an amazing mother, when she in fact she probably wasn't at all. But to prove her wrong, I said, Oh, well, do you know what I'm gonna do? So I left our house in Kildare, my mum's house, and I drove. And as I was driving, you know, when you're just really getting really annoyed in the car, your nostrils are flaring. I said, That's it. I'm gonna show my mum. I'm gonna pull over the car in Limerick and get a tattoo of my children's birthdays. So, I mean, Cynics would say, Could you not just have gone home and been a better parent to your children? I I could have, yes. But instead, I decided to do a detour and on the spur total spur at the moment, on the spot got uh tattoos. So I knew obviously Limerick is a hip happening city. I knew that there was a uh if you go few tattoo brothers. I said, I'll see, can anyone squeeze me in? Because I knew that this was gonna be um a short time. This is a small tattoo. And like people look at me and think, when it comes to tattoos, I don't know ball. I know ball! I've got a half finished lotus flower tattoo on my rib cage. It was so painful that I said to the guy at the time, do you know what? I'll finish this another day. I never went back to finish it. That was ten years ago. That lotus flower is staying unfinished on my body for life. Thank you. And I have three what were supposed to be swallows, they're actually they just look like smudgy vultures on my shoulder. So I know ball. So anyway, he went into this tattoo power uh parlour. Lovely Croatian guy said, Yeah, no problem, I can do that for you. So he's doing the tattoo, and as he's doing that tattoo, I see in his arm 1312. 13 like hyphen twelve. I said, Oh my god, that's actually my date. A birthday 13th of December, what are the odds? So he was laughing, he called his brother in and he showed me his tattoo in his arm, which was also 1312. And I said, Oh my god, that's amazing. Is it like a birthday? Or and they just said, No. And what I respect, what I really love about Croatian people, they're they're fine. Noah's a full sentence. They're like, listen, they didn't give me any more information, and I really respect that. They were really nice, so sweet, the two of them. Uh, very nice chaps, but they didn't give me the story, and I was kind of saying, Jesus, I wonder what that's about. And then I was like, oh my god, like maybe their great-grandfather was in the war, and maybe his military number was 1312. Like, you know, you just conjure up these stories in your head, building castles in the sky. So I was recalling this story to the girls at the table when I went to visit my friend last week, and I was saying, God, you know, like what are the odds that they had 1312 in their body? And I, my birthday is the 13th, the 12th. And then my friend's husband, who is German, was there. And he said, What was it like the numbers together, the four numbers? And then I said, No, it had a hyphen after the 13th. So 13, hyphen, 12. And he was like, You mean like a dash? And I said, You know, when you start to doubt yourself, this happens to me every time I speak English to German. How is it that every German, it's not like he was being in any, he was not being disparaging at all. But any time I speak English to German, I'm sweating. How is it that they all have better English than they're unreal for the feckin' English? So then I start to doubt myself and I was like, is it a hyphen? I mean, bear in mind, I'm supposed to be a feckin' English teacher. I'm teaching some poor Ukrainian students in the school and dingle English, and I'm not a hunt. I honestly wanted to go to ChatGPT and check is what to check what I was describing and whether or not that was a hyphen, because I wasn't sure. I'm nearly 43. Anyway, so I after a bit of googling, I s I concurred. I said, yes, a hyphen. So anyway, then I turned and I was saying something to a friend of mine, like, oh uh, what time's your flight back to Zurich or something? And by the time she'd answered, her husband had up on his phone, how unbelievable is this? So he had like the crest for Croatia, the flag, and the 1312, and it was something to do with like it's got 13 squares or something. But the 1312 is a reference to the Croatian flag. And I just said to myself, My god, the Germans are just built different, aren't they? This incident with these lovely Croatian brothers happened two years ago. I've probably recounted this. Ooh, what are the odds? You know, serendipity, the universe works in mysterious ways. I have recounted this story again. Is it a story? No, Judy, it's just something that happened. Because there's no twist at the end where I don't know, one of the Croatian brothers just shifts the face off me. No. Uh I have been telling people for the last two years that's right. Never once did it cross my mind to do a Google to find out what I mean. They're just built different. I mean, I said honestly, he's in some business computer. I mean, he's got some wonderful job, I'm sure, but like it's business computers, something that I have no clue what it is. Like something, let's just say, something that doesn't have crowd park hours. And he honestly should be out there fighting crime. Like that level of research skills. I just am so sorry that he wasn't there during my Tinder days. Like, where he could do a research, a bit of a research on a lad to make sure that I wasn't wasting my time. Like the amount of times, the amount of nights of my life I wasted rocking up all doll up to meet up with some fella, and then it would turn out he was into Formula One. Like my friend's husband could have saved me so much time back in the day. So much time. On a final note, because the children are crying, which can only mean that this uh number one comedy podcast is over. I think we should all just the poor old Leaving Certs. I can never recall in all my years teaching Leaving Cert students, going into an exam wearing a raincoat. And I'm sorry. I think we all just need to give them 600 points to be done with it. I like the only thing worse than doing that question, discuss church state relations in terms of Hitler and Mussolini. Like the only thing worse than that is having to do that question with a soggy bottom. Soggy bottoms all round. I mean, I just think let's just get to COVID all over again. Let's just throw the marks at them and see what happens. It'll be grand. I mean, maybe some of them will become cardiac surgeons when they shouldn't, and in which case, I think we should all be watching our cholesterol between now and then, because I don't know, will we want to be going for cardiac surgery in 10 years? But equally, I mean, anyone who sat that history paper, what a nightmare. Now, the maths paper was supposed to be hard. I did part of me was like, yeah, but guys, it's honours maths. Surely it is supposed to be hard. I'll tell you this much. I didn't do honors maths for my lemon search, and it's hilarious because obviously nobody really cares what you do in your leading research and how you get on. But up until my dad died a couple of years ago, he would still refer to my cousin as the family genius because she was the only one who did do honors maths for her lemon research. So nobody cares unless you're an Irish dad of a certain generation, and then they'll never let you forget. I still maintain I did higher level up to my maths. I gave it up. I wouldn't have done great in it, but I gave it up primarily because I was like, sure, nobody's gonna care. Nobody's gonna remember whether or not I did higher level maths in 20 years' time. Turns out they will, and it was my father. Okay, right. Uh uh, Ted is in the background here, so I need to go because I'm trying to. I feel like what's his name? Katie Price's uh first husband, your man Peter Andre. Do you remember when he was doing the live and uh one of the kids popped up on the Zoom call and he was like, Emily's gonna kill me because their faces were supposed to be pixelated. I must try to pixelate your face. Anyway, on that fun note, okay guys, thanks a million for listening. Bye!