Shifting Brothers and Pest Control Problems

'It is great that bees are back but I would just prefer if it wasn't in my chimney.'

I'm chatting Love Island shifting, pest control problems and scrubbing houses like our security deposits depend on it (it did). I'm also talking about how this generation didn't invent shifting brothers, debate whether or not August is autumn, and dwell for far too long on the cost of sheds.

If you have enjoyed the pod, I would be so grateful if you could rate or review wherever you get your episodes, as this massively helps with the charts. Thanks so much for listening! J x

Transcript

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She's back. She is back. Now we're getting into the rhythm. We've officially moved house. We've done it. It has nearly killed me, but we've moved house and we're getting into a new routine. It's summer honey bobs, even though I tell you this much now, it's school summer holidays, but this should be illegal. Yesterday I saw a back to school ad on the tell. Oh, I'm sorry. People need to get a grip. Yesterday I reached I reached into my handbag and started applying what I thought was an eyeliner. It was a whiteboard marker. I found a stapler under my car seat the other day. We are still using stolen stationery, which come to think of it, I was actually supposed to return this stapler. I promised the lovely secretary in school that I would return the stapler. I didn't do it. School is still in session. I'm still using an I'm still using a whiteboard marker on my face. I have a stapler. I'm armed and dangerous. Do not annoy me with a back to school session. We haven't left school yet. Sure, I'm pretty sure now. I couldn't be 100%. It's the 30th of June. We're recording this live on the morning of because God know the God knows we've got to keep abreast of Love Island. So we're recording this in the morning, releasing it same day. No nonsense. But it's the 30th of June. I'm fairly sure the leaving search isn't even over yet. And some I'm I'm sure there's some posh school in the south side of Dublin that's doing classics today. Because the leaving search seems to go on for seven weeks. It's just it's not even over. I honestly think by the end, do you know? Obviously, Jay, one of the leaving search, everyone is stressed and it's high security because you don't want to be that one person who messes up the leaving search. Do you remember the fella, wasn't it in Louth years ago, who accidentally opened the invigilator who accidentally opened the uh English paper two box instead of the English paper one and gave it out to everyone and just hoped that the students would say nothing. But obviously, because we're living in the in the era of social media, everyone found out that Seamus Heaney was coming up within seconds of leaving that exam hole and they had to change the whole paper, they had to go to plan B. So nobody wants to be that invigilator. Invigilator? Invigilator. It's such a strange word, isn't it? If somebody, if you met somebody in a night out and you said to them, What's what's your job? And they said, Oh, I'm an invigilator. I mean it sounds naughty, doesn't it? Sounds fairly saucy. But actually what they do is they sit up at they they sit up at a desk and just dissociate for two hours. Because you know the way like you're not even supposed to be reading a book, you're supposed to be keeping your eyes peeled for anyone who was in who's lifting up their sleeve, like you're on it, like a car bonnet. But that's day one, and honestly, I'd say by week three the lean cert, like, oh my god, you're probably letting the kids bring the phones in at that stage. Who cares? It's done, it's over. So stop with the back to school, lads. I mean, next thing like, do you know what I can never get over? And I do have to be careful because I have some uh lovely English listeners to the pod, I know, and they they they do be getting in touch with us. They do be getting in touch, they're very nice, and I, you know, I do maintain that they're ultimately we're very similar to English people. I think particularly I'm gonna make this delineation. I think Irish people and people from the north of England were really cut from the same cloth. I mean, they say crack and they use it in the right context. Like, need I say more. Like they're you know, we're essentially one and the same. I say this basing it on 24 hours I spent in Sheffield. Yes, I know Sheffield, but you know, I just think they're really nice people. I mean, then every now and again they do something mad, like organise a holy communion for half nine on a Sunday morning. I mean, would you be well? Like I Ireland could never Holy Communion half nine on a Sunday morning. Should the dads aren't even home from from from the night out the night before half nine on a Sunday morning. Um, but like the fact I can never get my head around. Uh like my cousin's little girl started secondary school. What we're nearly in July, so she started secondary school. They're not coming home to the 19th of July, they're not finished till the 19th of July. I mean, who is gonna tell them in England that August is autumn? Although, wait, do you know what somebody told me recently? And like the mind boggles. When I was in primary school back in the night, early nine early 90s, sadly. Uh, I'll tell you this much now. When uh when Jasmine and Cav, was it Jasmine and Calf? No. Jasmine and Jordan and Love Island were discussing what year they were born in, and Jasmine said she was born in 1998, and he was like, Oh, I'm 97. I said, they're trolling now. They're actually trolling. That can't be possible, but it is. Uh, so when I was in primary school in the early 90s, we spent a lot of time learning about quicksand. I thought I was gonna encounter a lot of quicksand. I thought this was gonna be a big issue in my life. We spent less time looking at probably I would say more pertinent things, uh, like the fact that England, I think, is different seasons from us. Now I'm gonna check this. Somebody said to me, okay, so uh is August autumn in England? Hang on, I'm gonna look this up. Is August autumn in England? No, I don't want AI in England. Okay, is August Autumn in England? Let's see. Drumroll, please. Oh, you see, this is where things get messy. So August is still considered summer in England and not autumn. The UK Met Office divides the year into four equal. Yes, summer is June July and August. Now, okay, right. As I read that out loud, it kind of makes sense. Okay, England, you win. Because we all know August is not really autumn. I don't know what we're doing over here. Like, maybe, maybe you were right to teach us a thing or two. Maybe you were right to take over the reins for 800 years. Because what do you mean August is Autumn? It doesn't make any sense. But listen, at the same time, I in Ireland it is technically autumn, so it is mad that the English are going on holidays and they only have two weeks left the summer. Now, okay, we all know August is the summer, but yeah, it's just too late. This is what I'm saying. I'm done with the end, like it's a bit hack at this point anyway, I think, doing the anti-English jokes, but also I'm done slagging a community of people that are still rocking around in their school uniform in mid-July. Justice for England is what I'm saying. I mean, how could how could you how could you be normal? You're you're you're wearing your school uniform. It's the 17th of July. What is the rest of the world are all on honey pubs? It's just insane. Now, in saying that, I actually do think this okay, this is where we turn into a moon to our only podcast. I think it is kind of a good idea. I don't know about you guys, I think is it a good idea? I feel it is, to go to your secondary school before you finish up for summer holidays. Because then it's like the anxiety, actually, again, as I'm saying it out loud, it is a good idea. We should be doing that because then they could be going off on their summer holidays, and it's not hanging over them, okay. We've got this big change in September, they've done it, the anxiety is gone, the fear is gone. We all know 43 years on this earth, I can tell you this much now. It's always the thought of it is worse than what it actually is. So, sure, the children in Ireland probably have no summer because they're stressing about starting secondary school, except if you're in Dingle, if you're in West Kerry, because sure, I just think it has to be the easiest transition ever, like going to our secondary school. I know I have said before it's like summer bay high. It is summer bay high. It is only we have um, I would say far more appropriate school uniforms. It is definitely summer bay high. It's an easy transition for them. Sure, I remember years ago, the principal previous to this pre um the principal previous to the current principal, his name was Podrick, and like his nickname used to be Paudine was his nickname. Um obviously he was off the area, lovely man. Uh so it's you know, he was the type of fella he had I mean it was wasn't even encyclopedic, it was like bordering on Stephen Fry. Isn't Stephen Fry one of those people that has uh what you call it? You know, when you have the flawless memory, what's that word? Can you how ironic is it that I can't remember the word for when you have a really good memory? Photographic memory, but I'll tell you this fella had a photo he had a photographic memory because I remember going out with the guy and like obviously he would have finished school maybe 20 over 25 years previous. Um, and so he hadn't been in school for 25 years, and uh he met him, uh Podrick met him in the I remember any time he met him, he knew all about him, remembered the name of his sisters, remembered what he was up to, remembered the name of his best friend, like he remembered the year, like just literally the top of his head once that he finished up. It was unbelievable, like that's I I it was an unbelievable skill, I think, particularly for a principal where you're encountering so many people. So he was unreal at remembering what everyone was up to and staying connected in that way, and it also makes kids feel important, like there is nothing worse, and it has happened to me that you're at a parent-teacher meeting and a parent comes in and you're not a hundred percent sure who their child is. It's terrible. I'll tell you when it happens, it happens when so there was a few years there when I basically had like my my little nervous breakdown, had a bit of a breakdown in um in uh when was it? It was after I was in Limerick, I had a bit of a breakdown and I left that school and I was just really trauma because it was the Quilla Cloche in Limerick and it was like my favourite school in the world. I mean, if life had gone a different way, I would still be in Limerick living in I was obsessed with the South Circular Road. I'd be living on the South Circular Road, living my best life. Uh just oh heading off to the Kirk Gauer for wasn't that the name of the Pope, the wonderful Pope by the river there, having a shandy of a Saturday. But I so because of that, then I went, I did mad stuff, like I went travelling and I was just doing bits and bobs, and I would start in a school, I might get a maternity leave in a school because I didn't want to be in a school all year. I just didn't have an in me. I just needed I needed to be free to cry about my ex um on a Tuesday morning. I couldn't commit to full academic year because I needed to be free to have bed days and just you know torture myself with the mistakes that I had made. Uh I needed time to ruminate. And I would rock up to school, you know, like halfway through the year, you're doing a maternity leave, you've taken over a class and it's a CSB class, so you're already halfway through the year, you've missed half the year, and then all of a sudden you're two weeks in and somebody says, Oh, there's a parent-teacher meeting tonight. No, there could be a fella, you've met him once. Maybe he had a dental appointment one of the Tuesdays you were supposed to have him. Maybe the following Tuesday you had to take it off because uh you had to self-flagellate at home about how you'd completely imploded your entire life. So you'd only met this fella. Maybe you hadn't met him at all. Maybe you were off one Tuesday, he was off another Tuesday, but like at the very most, you've met him once, and then the parent teacher meeting is on, you're sitting across from someone, and like this poor earnest woman is saying to you, How's he getting on? I mean, shiver down the spine. How do you answer that question when you don't even know that you could and you what you want to say to this woman is listen, woman to woman, I had a permanent job, I had a B post, I had a B post. Like sometimes I forget about that in Limerick. I had a B post position, and I basically I messed it up. I I I essentially pissed it all away. Now that makes it sound like I was going on the piss. That wasn't not why I pissed it all away, but in my own way, I pissed it all away, and I'm only here because I'm lost. I d how's your child getting on? The bigger question is how am I getting on? And the answer is not very well. It's actually quite ironic that I have them for SPHE because like social, personal, health education, I could do with a bit of that myself because I have essentially blown up the only relationship in my life ever where anyone ever cared about me. Why how forget, listen, forget Callum. Callum's getting on grand. How am I? That's the bigger question. Well, you can say that. So instead you say, Oh, he's getting on great, lovely student, very pleasant. He's getting on grand, seems like he's very happy. And of course, my out in a parent-teacher meeting situation is always to say, obviously, you know where I am if there's any issue. And sometimes, like 99% of the time, you get away with that, but sometimes they do press you for more information, and it's always my biggest fear that they will produce a class picture, and if they're not convinced, and say, Find him, find him. Uh I mean, honestly, it reminds me of when I was doing my dipping cork, there was a teacher there, and she'd a terrible time. The poor thing, like mad stuff happened to her. Like, I can remember she had a scone one day, and she cut the scone into two halves, and then she went off to get some jam from the little kitchenette, and she came back, and one of the other teachers had taken half of her scone off her plate. I mean, like, it was cra I mean it it was crazy, and of course, as a dip student, I was there, but the wonderful thing about being a dip student is I mean, I want somebody to write a tell all because people treat you as if you're a ghost, like people do stuff in front of you knowing that you're never gonna say it to anyone because you're a dip student, you're volunteering to do the football on a Tuesday after school because you're you need this, you need this more than anyone. Uh, but she had this poor teacher. So, first of all, she was getting her scones stolen when she went up to get jam, and the demeaning nature of it, I remember she came back, she said, Oh, I thought I had two halves to my scones. So obviously, it's a rhetorical question. I mean, you know, I'm not a maths teacher, I wasn't a maths teacher like her, but I know when you have a half, there's two halves. I mean, that's how many halves you have. Uh, so people were just having a bit of a giggle because obviously, I don't know who uh well, I know who took this guy, I don't know why she did it, but obviously people were aware and said nothing. I mean, it was straight up bullying when you think about it. But I remember she was a maths teacher, and I can recall uh somebody coming in, a parent coming in, obviously a dad, because I mean a mom would never uh came in with maths and made her do maths at the meeting. Like people are just uh like I don't want to say people are rotten because generally parents are fab, but who does that? Rocks up to a parent teacher move teacher meeting with a quadratic equation in his pocket and says, Does it? Do that now, do that now. The stuff of absolute nightmares. Nightmares. Sure, my early days when I was single and doing parent teacher meetings, I used to rock up with the blow dry. I I kind of approached it like speed dating, to be honest. Now, oh my god, if I was 100% dressed, they'd be doing well. Sure, I'm fairly sure at the last parent teacher meeting, now I was caught on the hop. The usual story, Fright wasn't around. I basically did not know how to come in for a parent teacher meeting, I wasn't aware. And then there were some few parents looking for me. And I got the fright of my life because I got a text to see if I was coming in for the parent teacher meeting. Was at home living my best life with the children. Well, I say live my best life, but like what was I mean it it probably looked like Angela's ashes from the outside, but was there with the kids. This is only a few months ago, and honestly, my soul left my body, and thankfully, I texted a lovely friend of mine who is mammy to my little fella, my eldest, probably like one of his best buds, and like the poor woman, she's a primary teacher herself, so I think she kind of got it. I said, I am after messing up big time here. Did not realize I was supposed to read for a parent teacher meeting. Can I drop the kids off? She said, No problem. So that was approximately six months ago, and I did get her a coffee voucher for Bean and Dingle. I have since found that coffee voucher in my own wallet and said, Oh my god, I've a coffee voucher and spent it on myself. It's called Girl Maths. Look it up. Um maybe I could. I'm not a maths teacher, but maybe I could be a teacher of Girl Maths. Anyway, so I must get her something to say thank you. But talk about relying on the kindness of strangers. I like that. The reason why there was some reason. Oh yeah. I didn't think I had to turn up because basically for this group now, I only see them once a week. So obviously they have an English teacher five days a week. I pop in just for you know, a bit of VIP, uh, fit of VIP access for the kids on a Thursday. I rock up just to keep things interesting. But like again, I know the kids, but I like I would know them all to see, and like I know they're like their little personalities, but it's sure, cheese. I couldn't tell you what they're like with the spelling at all. Sure, I mean I'm only in there once a week, as I say. I do a guest appearance on a Thursday and I'm gone. So I can tell you your child is lovely, because I know he or she is, but I uh but please don't say how's his spelling coming on? I don't have a clue. How's my spelling coming on? I'll tell you, it's getting worse and worse by the day. Trinity revoking its degree any day now. And you know, people say, Oh, it's because you know the kids can't spell, it's rubbing off on you. It's not. I just my brain functionality is not what it was. That's why I'm so scared. And if I forget to mention this, I'm doing a work in progress show in Collins uh in Cork. It's an afternoon delight, it's at half past two in the day, and it is let me think, it is um the 18th of July. I must check, that's not an all Ireland, is it? Oh jeez, is it? It's not the football's the fallen weekend. Is it? Oh no, I have to look this up. No, the football is that weekend on the Sunday, but is the herding on the Saturday? Oh sweet Jesus, I need to look this up anyway. But my brain functionality is not what it was. So if anyone wants to just send me jokes, that would be great because I don't even know what I'm gonna be banging on about in the show. It always comes, it always comes, but like why book in a show when you don't have a written? I it it'll happen. So we've moved into the new house. I'm very happy with the house. I did have a bit of a devastating experience. Um, I spent the whole week cleaning our old house. Now, our old house, there was definitely work that needed to be done to the old house. Uh, there were issues with it, like structural issues and different things. There were definitely things that should have been replaced before we moved into the house. Um, in saying that, we were very happy in the house for the period we were there. I 100% had too much stuff in the house to my great shame. Did not realise we had hoarded to such an extent until we were moving out of the house. And I was ashamed. I was very much ashamed because I had accumulated far too much stuff, and I really felt like as a mammy, you really realize you're like, oh my god, like the kids were living with so much clutter. I think what happened was their room I always kind of kept clutter free. Uh I did try to stay on top of the sitting room. And I kind of I suppose I kind of just stashed stuff. We had what were kind of two spare bedrooms, which sounds like we lived in a platial pad. It wasn't platial. It was like, for example, now that the the house next door is only a two-bedroom. So it probably should have only been a two-bedroom, but it was converted into a four-bedroom. So we kind of had two bedrooms that we didn't really use. And what I did was I just kind of I just threw stuff in there basically. Um and like the kitchen now probably had too much stuff. I will say that the sitting room and the kids' room were okay, but otherwise, I mean I could not believe the amount of shite that I got rid of. It was embarrassing, and I think as a mammy, it always falls back to the mammy. I mean, that's why these you know the videos that really annoy me where the guy is taking the piss out of his wife when she wakes up of a morning and needs to, instead of having a lousy morning, decides, right, we need to deep clean the whole house and she's like a lunatic. No, the reason why women get suddenly overwhelmed with it all when it comes to the cleaning is not because they love cleaning, it is because the state of a house is always reflected back on the woman. It we can dress it up any way we want, but if the house is a kip, people judge the woman always. It's not that like the dad does get away with it, so he doesn't feel that pressure, so he doesn't wake up on a Saturday morning, pull the duvet back, and decides right now I'm gonna have a manic episode because we need to get it. It's because women know people are gonna be judging them. Um and it is really hard, and I will say this on the pod because I've said it to him in real life and he hasn't denied it. Fred is a hoarder. He is a hoarder. Now I don't know, like it's a whole thing. He is a hoarder of stuff, he has a terrible, terrible habit. He will head off for five days' work with an empty suitcase. He will literally throw a pair of socks and jacks in there and say, Oh, I'll just buy you t-shirts when I get to double. I mean, now he doesn't always buy first hand, he's not always hitting up pennies, like he's quite happy to buy a second hand item, but he just packs so poorly that when he's away he has to buy stuff, which drives me ballistic. He must have 20 navy t-shirts. It's like being married to somebody in G-Sock. He just it's he's so much stuff, and I know it's because we're all a bit neurospicy. I'm neurospicy, my husband is 100% neurospicy. He like, you know, he can't sift through the stuff to find what he wants. He goes off, he buys something, it's just it's too much stuff. He's hanging on to leaflets from the Edinburgh Fringe in 2008. Like I f I found a poster, and I understand like it's fun to look back in this stuff, but when you're looking at this shit from house to house, it's mental. Like, I found a poster of himself and Joanne doing a split show, like for the toy show in London in like 2014 or something. It's something crazy, and it's a funny poster, and they're in the London Irish Centre, and Fred and Joanne obviously did like a which sound I mean, imagine the crack of like Fred and Joanne together doing a what would you call it, like when you watch something live, you know, one of those events in the London Irish Centre. But like, I'm sorry, like why are we looking this around for 12 years? Like it's been folded up so much, you can barely see Joanne's face. Like Joanne is after buying a gaff in London, Fred. Do you think that she's going around the place looking at a poster from the London Irish Centre in 2014? As no, she's not like it just can we just have the memory. We don't need to be dragging Michael Jackson tolls to house four. It's just it's all nuts. It's just we've too much stuff, then we've loads of toys, and what I've realized is actually I'm starting to panic because Ted, my eldest, has a play date tomorrow. We have all these toys which they don't play with, and equally, if somebody arrived tomorrow, I th which they are, they're coming for a play date. I don't know, do they actually have anything to play with? Do you know that kind of way? It's like all this stuff that needs batteries that isn't like I actually think if somebody arrived, other than here's the ball, go out to the garden and kick that, I think we've actually nothing for them. It how do we have so much stuff? We've nothing to wear, nothing to play. Anyway. So we moved into the house. It was a stressful week because I was scrubbing the house over from top to bottom for a whole week. I was embarrassed at the amount of clutter we accumulated. I refused to pay 300 and I well, it was 355 euro for a skip, but I did not, and I know for a fact actually the skip wouldn't have been big enough. So we probably would have had to go for the 500 euro option. And I just said to Fred, I can't afford 500 euro on a skip. So again, it was a fool's errand. I said, right, we'll just keep going to the dump with the bags. So I sent him off to the dump with the bags. Again, it's tricky with Fred because my auntie was there as well, who also likes to hang on to stuff, and the two of them were removing a draft board from one of the bags. Now, the reason why the drafts board was in the bag was because we've no pieces for the draft sport, but the two of them still wanted to hang on to the draft sport. Like this is what you're dealing with a drafts board with no pieces in the bin. Anyway, uh, so it was a lot of it was a lot of cleaning the house over. Uh obviously, we were trying to get our security deposit back. Um I won't say anything more about that situation. But uh, so anyway, look, um it was a tricky one because apparently my cleaning was below power, which again does feel personalized as a mammy. You want to think that you're capable of cleaning. Apparently, I'm not. So I don't know. Look, next time I will have to just enlist a professional cleaner, even though my cousin was telling me that she got a professional cleaner in Dublin. Wait for this. And um, she was apparently she was a uh a pharmacist, she was working long hours, got a professional cleaner in because she was just working long hours, she didn't have time to clean the apartment herself, and didn't get the deposit back because apparently the cleaning wasn't up to a scratch either. And they were professional cleaners, so what is going on anyway? I'm not a great cleaner, and actually, again, to my shame, I think in the last week it I have realized I'm probably letting the kids down here because apparent I'm just not I'm I'm I I I want to be that person, but apparently I just my standards are poor anyway. So in the new house, uh delighted to be there. Obviously, there's still a lot to get, like the kids are there about. We don't have a bed frame for the double bed yet, so we're on the floor and it's fine, it's actually grand. So I have the bed dress, we're on the floor, I'll get the double bed uh in the next couple of months when I have the money. I just don't have the money right now for the double bed. So I'm on the floor, and the kids are there about, and there there is a guest bedroom. So uh Fred's going in there now. If if if if he's snoring, Fred's going in there. Now I say that I have been told I'm a snorer as well. So I don't want to be caught. I I'm sure I am a snorer. So we're all snoring, we're all tired, and I to be honest, at this stage of my life, I couldn't give a shite where anyone's sleeping. So if you want to come at me and say somebody did come at me recently and say, Oh, uh, anyone I know who doesn't who didn't share a bed with their husband is now divorced. And yeah, if you want to come at me with that grant, but I can tell you when you're after scrubbing a house in a heat wave for five days on a trash, uh if not long. Oh sorry, when I was cleaning for longer, because obviously we just do the tea clutter. But honestly, the days I put in last week, I was so exhausted, I just fell onto the bed. I couldn't give a shite where Fred was sleeping. So he's down in the guest room in his clothes mountain, sleeping on top of a clothing mountain, most likely, because he has 20 navy t-shirts. Oh my god. Sleeping on top of a poster from the London Irish Centre with Joanne McNanny, watch from a a toy show, watch live, whatever that thing is called, uh from 2014. He's sleeping on top of all that in the guest room. He's moving a Michael Jackson to all out of it. It's if he it's all fine. So we're tired, is what I'm saying. But we have so we have the bits and pups. Now I bought loads of paint thinking I was gonna paint the house. Then I painted a room and I nearly died. Oh sweet Jesus. I now understand why people pay painters and decorators. Here is me thinking, oh, should you just throw paint on a wall? How hard can it be? It's hard, it is very hard. So I now have loads of paint, which I haven't actually used, and uh it's in the garden. Now, the one thing I do need to get, so I got some furniture for the sit room, that was my main priority, as long as the sit room was okay and the kids had their room. So they're fine, those two rooms, but I need to the kitchen is still kind of an Airbnb mode mode, which is grand, you know, like the pine uh kitchen cabinets, the kind of black, you know, you know, that very, very dark grey uh counters, you know, those kind of faux, well maybe they're not faux marble, but like you know, that kind of very dark grey, black um marble countertops, like you know, the the the sign on the walls saying VR guest. Like it's it's an Airbnb kitchen. Now it's completely grand, and I really feel that I've looked out with the house, so I don't want to be in any way uh scathing because it was in lovely condition. I felt it was very clean, like the furnace, like I really think like the doors and the skirting boards, it's just so nice to be in a house where things are kind of new-ish, you know, and they they're good quality, and I'm very lucky, but I do need to update at some point the kitchen aesthetic. But the main thing that I really need is a feckin' garden shed, cannot get over the cost of the garden sheds. I mean, is it because people are putting their college students out in the garden shed? Are people just putting their kids out in the shed? And that's why, like, I I I'm looking at these sheds and I'm saying to myself, five grand for a feckin' garden shed. Is it because everyone's just presuming they don't actually want to put the lawnmower in here, they want to put an American tourist, they want to use it as an Airbnb. I just want a garden shed. I don't want to be renting it out. Like we're now at the stage where you cannot get a cheap garden shed because everyone just presumes you're using it for a Nixer on the side that you're renting it out for other voices. I'm not. I just need somewhere to put all the paint that I bought when I was few full of optimism that I was going to live in a house that was going to be so colourful. I mean, come to think of it, maybe it's a good thing that I didn't use the paint because honestly, the colour scheme I had in mind, it did scream manic episode. So it might be a good thing that we're not using all the colours in the rainbow here. But I need somewhere to put the paint that I bought anyway. So maybe we will squeeze an American tourist in there. I'm sure we could throw in a hammock. But I can get over the cost of the of the garden sheds. Now I did see Fitsi's and Dingle actually are doing, um, they have quite cheap ones. So, but again, I say quite cheap, and maybe I came to this in it of completely naive. Like they have one now for 400, which does look quite small, but then they have another one for 500, which just looks like a regular shed. I mean, that's all I want is a regular feckin' shed. Uh, with for 500, but again, I thought you could well actually no, come to think of it. Of course, you couldn't buy a shed for a cup of no, it's very reasonable. Probably go with that, but I'll tell you before I go, oh my god. So we're obviously watching the World Cup in the evening. I'm trying to watch Love Island. I can't really watch it if I'm at home with the kids, but if Fred is there, I'm trying to watch Love Island because you don't want the there's too much shifting. I'll tell you this much now, and I'm gonna sound like a brood. I think there's it's not even like kisses, like these open mouths. I'm actually I'm not even cringing, I'm basically getting sick into my cup watching these shifts. I've never shifted someone with such a wide open mouth in my life. What are these people? Do you like I'm it's I'm really enjoying the Casemore now, and we're very happy that Charlene Murphy is in there. I did throw up on the Instagram. I mean, the woman is so charming, she is so charming that she actually got me eating cucumbers for a minute and convincing myself that I enjoyed it. That is how charming Charlene Murphy is. Loving Casemore and all that, but the shifting, like they're shifting and they're shifting, like the shifting is just like it's just like they're they're all like washing machines with the uh on spin cycle. It's just it's the sound. Here's the thing I don't want to shame them because they're lovely young people, they're living their best life, they're having a nice summer, but I think it's just that they're shifting so close to the mic, and then you get that like slurpy sound, like the sound of somebody finishing off a McDonald's milkshake. It's just it's slurpy, it's just so much shifting. I do miss the days. I mean, as for that challenge where Tommy spat in spat in uh Jasmine's mouth. It's a culture waiting to happen, and I'm sorry. Tommy, get help. You've gone home now, you seemed like a nice enough fellow, but you need to get help for this. Spitting in people's mouths, it's just not hygienic. I j I I what happened to a hello and a handshake and a bit of eye contact spitting in each other's mouths. It's just and then I did kind of what did give me the ick, you know, when they were queuing up to shift one another and the two brothers queuing. I mean, the shifting of the two brothers. Now I did say previously an up to 90 years ago, I mentioned um uh an old podcast I used to do up to 90. I mentioned that I shifted two brothers in one weekend and I was walking down Main Street Dingle and somebody came up to me and said, You know those two brothers that you talked about shifting? And then she said, Were they and gave the name of the two brothers? I said yes. And she said, I said, Can you believe I shifted them both in the same weekend? She said, Julie, I shift them in the same night. So this generation thinks that they're inventing shifting brothers, they're not. We've been doing it a long, long time. Uh on the west coast of Ireland in particular, we've been doing it a long, long time, and we have the sufficiently somewhat say worryingly small gene pool to show for it. Anyway, but they so the the thing about the Shifting Brothers, look, I mean, it's not something we're proud of, but we've probably all done it. But when they were queuing up to get their shift, I mean, I'm sorry now. When they were queuing up to get their shift, it was just oh anyway, we're enjoying North Island, we're half watching the World Cup. So we're watching the World Cup, we're there with the kids in the sitting room. Fred is there, I'm there. Next thing. Uh, JJ, the baby, is well, I say the baby, but he's nearly three, which uh kind of is scary. But anyway, so he's he says, uh, oh, wasp. Anyway, so he's saying he was he was stoned by a wasp. So I go over to the fecking window. I swear, it's like something out of a horror film. There's like seven or eight, what I presume are wasps because JJ is after getting stung. So I'm like, Fred, there's an infestation, what the hell is going on? And then I couldn't work out, so we thought it was the window, so we closed the windows, and then terrifyingly, there was even there were even more of them. I said, What in the name of God? Then Ted says, They're coming out through the fire. So the fire is blocked up. So it turns out that they were coming out through the vents in the fire, and I it was the stuff of nightware, so I put up cardboard, I sell a tape cardboard onto the vent. They were still getting through. I like we had to leave the sitting room, we closed the door, I rang a guy, the first guy, he was extremely nice, and uh he was really, really lovely. I think it was swarms.ie was his name, uh was the name of the company. Anyway, so I explained the situation, and he said, Well, I can guarantee you it's not wasps, it's most likely bees, because I were at 10 calls today, and it's people who have us uh who have bees in their chimney, and I was like, Excuse me, sir, it's definitely wasps, like 100%. Anyway, so it turns out that the man was totally correct, they were in fact bees. He gave me the name of another company, I can't remember, I think it was BioPest. Again, rang them up really nice. He said himself, so the swarm style e guy was saying, Look, I can come to you, but I'm quite far away. This guy is more local. So I rang the other guy and he said, Send me a picture. I said, I'm fairly sure it's a wasp. Anyway, sent it on to him, and it turned out it was, in fact, a bee. So the first guy was right and he said, Look, I really can't help you if they're bees. So then I got back to this, and he was very again, could not say enough. He was giving me loads of tips. The two of them were giving me loads of tips, they were really nice, and being bearing in mind, like obviously, I hadn't paid them, but I think that like they were just being sound and like giving me ways that like I could maybe get rid of them myself or whatever. And they were saying, look, it's probably the heat wave, because obviously this is in the midst of the heat wave. So I like have been cleaning the house over all day, came over, and then was faced with a swarm of bees. Now, here's the things they were both so nice. Uh, then I got back to the swarms.e guy and I said, Look, they're definitely bees. The other guy said they're definitely bees, so I said, Look, I'm just gonna leave. I'm gonna leave it. And then I messaged him the next and he was very nice. He said, Look, no problem, but if you need anything, let me know. And then the next day I said, Look, there hasn't been any more bee action this morning, so I'm gonna leave it off. And the swarms.e guy sent me this. It was such a funny message. He was like, Oh, that's great to hear. I would hate to hurt them. I said, Listen, okay now, sorry now, but are you not in the job? Like, his job is pest control. What do you mean I'd hate to hurt them? We've got a vegan in the pest control business. So I was like, I first of all, look, obviously extremely cute that he was like, I really didn't want to hurt the bees. But also I was coming away from it saying, Oh my god, like, am I a monster? Because there was a moment last night when I was looking around and we were surrounded by bees. I thought I was in that film, My Girl, and I was having flashbacks of Macaulay Culkin, like in the coffin, with you know, with Anna saying, Oh, he can't see without his glasses. I mean, did any of us any get over ever get over the trauma that was? I mean, is it a what it's a wonder any of us are okay? And I use that term broadly, very very vaguely. Okay, I'm not saying we're we're definitely okay, but we're somewhat okay. I mean, just feckin' hilarious. I I really just had to laugh when he was like, I didn't want to hurt them. And meanwhile, I'm over there, like, yeah, I s I like to advertise myself. Oh, I'm a good person. I'm obviously not because honestly, in that moment when the three-year-old was like, I got stung, the five-year-old was screaming, Fred was running for the hills, I was set a taping cardboard, and they were all coming through the feckin' cardboard. I swear to God, if you had given me a spray and said, This will this we're talking now, we're this is like Hiroshima in a spray. I would have spray I would have happily killed all those bees. And I was a vegetarian for years, and anyway, so look, the lovely pest control man was like, Thank God, because I did not want to hurt those creat gods creatures he didn't say god's creatures, but like that was the vibe, and I was like over here like a monster, kill them all, kill them all. Anyway, and then so look, it all count down. And the following night, myself and Fred were uh sitting down watching Love Island, and he was in all the bees are gone, and he said, It's great to see them though, isn't it? It's great to see that the bees are back because there was a moment there where we thought they were dying out. I said, Fred, it's great to see them just not in our feckin' chimney. Like me and Fred, the eco-warrior. Oh, isn't it great that bees are back? Yes, it is good that they're back, but I would prefer them not to be in my chimney, Fred. Anyway, bees are back. Thanks so much for listening. Can I ask? There was a lovely lady who got in touch, and I'm gonna throw it out on Instagram as well. She said herself and fiance, her fiance listen to the podcast, they really, really enjoy it. And to let her know if we need help with the sound, which was her very discreet way of saying you need help with the sound. Can she get back in touch with me? Because she was so nice, and she did say, Oh, like we'd help you for free, as if I mean we'll be paying people over here. Thank you. Uh, we're not gonna not pay people for their work, but if you could get in touch, please do get in touch because they probably do need help with the L sound. And who else? Thank you so much to Walter who got in touch. He's listening with the pod. Thank you to the pod. Thank you to Grania, thank you to Katrina as well, and thank you to Joe for getting in touch and saying that they're enjoying the pod. You've been so lovely, I've been average at best. Thanks a minion for listening, guys. Oh, if you have enjoyed the pod, the usual spiel. If you could rate a review wherever you get your episodes, it massively helps with the charts and blah blah blah. Okay, thanks so much for listening, guys. Bye.