A PSA for lovely Venting Listeners

It's not a goodbye, it's just a slán go fóill. Thank you so much for being here. If you're into the Gaeilge, I'll be chatting to you next week. but if Gaeilge isn't your thing, I'll be back very soon, after a little hiatus.

Every one who has listened has made me so happy, and for that I can't thank you enough. You have honestly made me like myself a little more, and for that I am so grateful. xx

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello guys, I'm just coming on really quickly because I think uh Fred is downstairs with the Baba and he doesn't sound too happy, so I probably will have to go down to him. Sorry, the Baba, not Fred, the toddler, not Fred. Uh, even though Fred probably isn't too happy either if the toddler isn't happy. You know how it goes. Look, we'll go downstairs in a minute. I just wanted to come on and say, first of all, I'm really sad to be doing this announcement, but equally, anyone who's been putting up with me on this podcast is not going to be surprised. I'm sure you all saw this coming, but I am gonna have to take a step back from the podcast in English for a little while. Now, it it makes me really sad. I've been trying to come up with like I basically I've been trying to find a new rhythm to life, and I've been trying to find the time to do this pod. I should have the time. It's not that I'm too busy, it's not that I'm overwhelmed with Vickers Street gigs. I should have the time to do the pod. It's down to my poor time management, and I just don't have it right now. And I hate that for myself, but I also hate it for you, the lovely listener who has been here from you know, you've been here. The people who've listened to this podcast have done so much for me. And I don't want this to sound like an obituary. I don't because here's the thing: I am feeling sad about having to take a step back and pause the podcast, but I'm also feeling hopeful that this isn't a goodbye forever, it's just a song of all. But the reason why I wanted to do this little announcement is that I do have people getting in touch asking when the pod is back, and obviously I have the pod in Osquelga now, which I know you might say, well, why did you start a pod Osquelga if you don't have time for the one in English? The reason I wanted to do the one Osquelga is because it's one of the things that I've really, really loathed about myself the last few years, how bad my Irish has gotten. Like my Irish is not what it was, and it makes me really sad because I just it's part of the reason that I wanted to raise my kids in Westquery was because I wanted to do with the language, and I just feel for myself it was important to do something Osquilga. So I I'm gonna keep up the one Osquilga. I do have full hope, I am full of the hope that when I get a better rhythm, I will be able to do the English one as well. But I just wanted to come on and say because I just feel so bad when people get in touch with me and ask when the one in English is coming out. Now you might notice, so I'm taking a pause and I'm taking a step back, hoping when I find a better rhythm, and also I can set up a better system. I know I was down to a lovely fella now who said he do the sound for me and all of that. Yes, brilliant. When I have a better system, that's what we'll do. But just now I am more time poor than I should be, because I'm just not organized enough. Call it neurodivergence, ATHD, call it just scattiness, being disorganized, being whatever it is. I just don't, I'm not I'm failing at all, I'm not doing anything well. I'm not doing any one thing well. I'm just doing a lot of things poorly at the moment, so I have to take a step back for that reason because ye deserve better. But then also another reason, if you click into the pod, you might notice that most of our back catalogue is gone. Now it's not destroyed, it's still there, but it's just I've unpublished the pod because I feel, and again, this is not something, you know, I'm not, you know, I'm fine with saying this out loud. I feel I've made myself too vulnerable on this pod. I feel maybe I've overexposed myself, maybe I've said too much, and I have had a lot of anxiety about talking about situations where I'm always conscious that I'm only given my side to the story, and I'm sure, not that I'm naming people, but I have fretted that it's probably easy to deduce at times, maybe within people say people in my life listening to the pod might be aware of who I'm talking about, and like I'm conscious that I'm only given one side of the story, so I mean that's not fair, is it? Like, you know, that's what are we, Fox News? I mean, we can't be given one side of the story, so that has really bothered me because it doesn't sit right with me, and I always feel I'm always very conscious that my judgment is probably wrong. I would be the last, uh you know, some what's the opposite of self-righteous? I'm self-wrong. I always presume I'm kind of my my take is I'm genuine generally surprised if my take is correct, correct, because I usually just presume that my take is wrong. That's my starting point, and I go from there. So again, I'm conscious that I maybe have talked about stuff in a tangential way, and like maybe that's not fair on other people. Do you know? Again, I'm just after finishing, well, I just after I finished it two months ago, but I think back to like Lena Dunham's fame sick, where she talks about situations, and I'm like, I just admire her honesty and her courage to write about this truthfully, because I wouldn't have the balls. Similarly, my good friend Maurice Gown, who wrote an incredible memoir, Trouble, it was out a few years ago. If you can get your paws in it, please do and read it. It's amazing. I remember when she was talking about her memoir in an interview with Ray Darcy, he was saying to her, you know, I'm a bit worried that like, or not, he wasn't saying I'm a bit worried, but he was saying, you know, are you are you worried? Because you've shared so much private and intimate stuff. Like, do you worry about putting that all out there? And I remember her saying, I'm okay with living my life in a very honest way. And I remember being so bowled over by her courage and her bravery. And the truth is I'm just not as brave as Maurice. I'm not as brave as my friend Maurice when it comes to putting things out there, and I worry that I have made myself vulnerable. I worry like I'm walking around town in a constant state of anxiety, thinking that I've talked around about people, about situations and things that maybe I shouldn't have talked about, and people could deduce what I was talking about, and people are pissed off at me. So none of the back catalog has not been destroyed. I may put it up again on Spotify and Apple. I probably will, once I have somebody, and this is my goal, that once I have somebody on board to help me who can even listen back to episodes and tell me, you know what, Julie, I don't know about the tears in that one. Is this not supposed to be a comedy podcast? Because we have a little bit less self-flagellation, even though anyone who's listened to venting will know that's kind of the brand. But again, I think that just having someone to listen to it for me and even just tell me, no, look, Julie, you're grand. That's all I need. So I think that once I have that person, we'll be good to go. But doing it on my own, I don't trust my own judgment. I don't never trust that I have no emotional bumper. I remember a therapist saying that to me years ago, and she did not mean it in a good way. But I don't, and I just feel that I get too emotional about stuff, and I just need somebody like, and I think this fellow who I had touched base with last year, and I need to circle back to him, but again, I don't want to circle back to him until I can be like, listen, let's I've got the six weeks scheduled. I know the day I'm gonna record it, I know the day I'm gonna get it to you. Let's do this. I don't want to do things half-arced anymore because it's not fair on you, the listener, who has been with me from the start, and it is not a goodbye forever, it's just a song of all. And the reason why I'm doing this Volgra is I have felt so bad just drift feeding you podcasts. It's not fair when you like a podcast, you need consistency, and that's why we've lost a few listeners because I haven't been consistent, it's all my own fault, and I'm hoping when I come back, it will I'm not coming back until I know I can be consistent and I can be honest because you know it's like an ex-boyfriend who keeps cheating on you and you keep taking them back. And no, I don't want to cheat on you anymore. I don't want to shift other people. Um so we will be back, but you might say, but sure, why is she doing the fogra so? Because she's hardly ever putting out a pod. I wanted to put it, I wanted to do a fogra and just make a little announcement because people are sliding into my DMs asking when the pod is gonna be out, and I just have this endless feeling of I just um it's relentless guilt because I know I PS I love when people do this because it means that they like the pod, but then the other part of me is like, oh my god, where am I gonna find the hour to do the podcast? And the problem is I have one child who currently goes to bed at half eleven, and the other fella is getting up before before seven. So I just don't I used to have that time in the morning and in the evening, but that just is kind of gone now. So I know it sounds ridiculous to say you do. I mean, hello, like Beyonce has the same 24 hours that I do, but at the same time, it's just not happening at the moment. And I just want to say, again, I know this is gonna sound like an obituary, but anyone who's listened to this podcast, you've done so much for me in my confidence journey. And I I and this is not it's not to say anything about anyone that I've ever worked with, any ever done a comedy project or podcast with, because it's nothing to do with them. This is all to do with me. Anytime I've done a podcast or any kind of a project with other people, I have always felt like I'm the one bringing it down. Do you know? I'm definitely, I suppose I'm kind of I don't want to say I'm dragging the product down, but I've never felt I'm the one to propel something or make it good. So anyone who has gotten in touch to say they love the pod, it's really been kind of amazing because it's kind of altered my brain chemistry a little bit because I know that by saying you like the pod, it's kind of like saying I like you. So that has been really powerful and it has been so special, and that's why I don't want to give up on the pod completely, but I just have to give up on it right now, um, because I don't want to do things half-hirst, and I want to come back when I know I can do property, and I just want to thank you all for being here, and I will be back, I hope to be back. I'm feeling sad but hopeful. But also, this is just for anyone who has messaged me to ask where's the pod and what's happening with it. I just need to take a step back right now. By the way, I'm totally fine, it's purely just a time thing, and then also I need to get some I need to get this person to work with me because I have been just I feel really vulnerable, and that's why the back catalogue has been made private, and maybe we'll put it up on a Patreon page or something, the back catalogue, and have a new starting point. I mean, with Patreon, I mean by the way, I'm not saying put it behind a paywall, but just have it somewhere that people who've enjoyed the pod can listen to it, or maybe just get this guy who said he'd help me, maybe get him to listen back, and if he doesn't think the episodes are awful or incriminating, then put them back up. You know, I don't know, but I just need a second opinion, I feel. And I know I should be able to trust myself, but you know, when they say listen to your body, I'm like, all my body wants is chocolate. So I don't know, should I be listening to my body? It's the same with the podcast. I can't listen to my body and my gosh, when it goes to the podcast, I need somebody else. So thanks so much for being here. It's not a goodbye, it's just a song of all. Everyone who's listened to the pod, I know you're a lovely person. I've gotten hundreds of gorgeous messages about the pod since it began, and I didn't always deserve them. So thank you so much. And it's test run to you, and you're fabulous, and thanks so much for being here. And as I say, helping me along, my little confidence journey. I mean, we're all on a confidence journey, but this podcast has been such an important part of that, and that's why when I come back, I just want to come back ready to rock. And thanks so much for butting up with me. You are gorgeous. Thank you so much, and we'll see you very soon. Okay, bye.