Inappropriate Use of a Podcast presents: Beyond the Near Horizon
Inappropriate Use of a Podcast presents: Beyond the Near Horizon
Feb 20, 2045 - Celebrity Video Clip Host Chad Rodondo
THIS EPISODE: Colonel Stephen Prather welcomes Chad Rodondo to discuss his new memoir, “The Weeping Sofa: Escaping my Grandfather’s Nest of Lies.” Also: birthdays and a singularity update with Enoch Price.
INAPPROPRIATE USE OF A PODCAST is proud to present encore presentations of the iconic radio program "Beyond the Near Horizon" with host Colonel Stephen Prather. Since 1975, this innovative program has explored the unexplained, the occult and other controversial topics. Featuring interviews with unconventional experts from across the intellectual spectrum, every program lives up to the promise of its creator Colonel Prather to "not allow the ordinary distractions to thwart the search for wisdom and knowledge." As he reminds, "all that and more may just be revealed beyond the near horizon."
INAPPROPRIATE USE OF A PODCAST is proud to present encore presentations of the iconic radio program "Beyond the Near Horizon" with host Colonel Stephen Prather. Since 1975, this innovative program has explored the unexplained, the occult and other controversial topics. Featuring interviews with unconventional experts from across the intellectual spectrum, every program lives up to the promise of its creator Colonel Prather to "not allow the ordinary distractions to thwart the search for wisdom and knowledge." As he reminds, "all that and more may just be revealed beyond the near horizon."
Podcast website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2027077
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/inappropriate-use-of-a-podcast-presents-beyond/id1637243805
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0h9HrbF63cZXjtg28it2PR?si=ozcekZDDQBuEgIiBqO-b1Q
BNH 2045 Mon Feb 20 Beyond the Near Horizon
With Colonel Stephen Prather
SECURITY
The following transmission is safeguarded by Charrington Harmful Thought Protection. A 2043 study found that when applied, Charrington harmful thought filtering and target engagement prevented 1.7% of malicious thought penetration and reduced suicidal and homicidal outcomes by .003%. You can rest easy when you let Charrington do the thinking.
ANNOUNCER
1977-
From an undisclosed location in the Upper Michigan Peninsula, it’s Beyond the Near Horizon featuring Colonel Stephen Prather. Now, here’s your host, Colonel Stephen Prather
INTRO
CSP
Thank you Stephanie. It is Monday, February 20th. To all those of you listening to us from the protection zone, occupied territories, lunar outposts, martian colonies and connected via neural, we’re pleased you have decided to join us for the next little while as we take another journey into the darkness, beyond the crest of the vanishing point and infinitely onward. Quick note, after yesterday’s glitch Stephanie called in a medtech to have her interface array tissues inspected. Turns out when she exited the transport on Sunday morning, she slipped, took a header and enabled her Lucinda circuit. This was a factory build-in and supposedly not invokable. Needless to say the folks at the old Jordacher Human Extension Clinic either didn’t know or forgot to mention it. But it was the 30’s and things were different then. Just to be super clear, Stephanie’s comments while she was in Lucinda mode on pregnancy, french onion dip and bed-wetting are not the opinions of this show. Not even Stephanie’s as it turns out.
But, in the interests of the listener, we have been watching the show board and opinion was pretty inconclusive. So, we’ve got new polls up on Shudder, Burn and Lier. Do hit us up if you want more of Lucinda or if you want to stick with the old reliable. Just a reminder to turn your locator off to avoid message doubling. No reason Amazon needs to know your thoughts on the subject.
We’ve got a heck of a program lined up for you tonight. We’re going to be speaking with our friend and renown author Enoch Price who will be checking in with another installment of our ongoing singularity watch. We’ve got him a slightly more secure location-man I’ve never seen people swarm like they did at the Potbelly Sams last night. Of course we’ve reimbursed Enoch for his blazer. To be fair, he’s a pretty sharp dresser and that sort of thing will make you a target.
Also, we will be visiting with Chad Rodondo, grandson of a regular on this program, Father Ricardo Rodondo. We’ll discuss his new memoir, “The Weeping Sofa: Escaping my Grandfather’s Nest of Lies,” and we’ll catch up on the work he does with his non-profit, The Vile Foundation.
Let me get this out of the way early, we’re still having issues with our NURAL channel. I’m embarrassed to say if you try a SYNC-COM - and I wouldn’t recommend you do - the auto-responder is stuck on a pretty gruesome limerick about pig farming. It’s a burrower, so you’ll be stuck with it until you do a full reset. Our email is also down as there is bit-mining scheduled and as I’ve explained many times, there is no way in hades we’re going to pay the frickin ransom they charge for the Satoshi Paradise plan. I’d sell my mother’s REGEN chip first. Now that I remember, I did sell that, but you get the point.
So, this will be a little inconvenient, but if you want to reach out to us, switch over to your legacy COM and hit us up on the higher plane hotline at 800-438-4444 or 800 Get Higher spelled H-I-R-R. Just speak or use tone generation to dial. If you planned to send documents or images, we also broke out the old Milken Model II, so if you’re close to a museum, shoot over there and fax us while we work on whatever is causing this latest digital fur-ball. Don’t forget to MEMLOAD for fax machine before you leave in case the museum is off network.
Next segment here is brought to you by Kickshaw Human Kibble. Kick the habit of bland rations if you live in a high monitoring zone, Kickshaw Human Kibble comes in a variety of flavors, from Roasted Garlic to Tomato Pasta, and their new Relaxation and Freedom formulas. Dine with the name you can trust, Kickshaw Human Kibble. Ordering available in all standard interfacing. Enjoy some KHK today. So on COM now-sorry force of habit-over terrestrial-our good friend Enoch Price joins us from Stew’s Rib Kingdom right on the border of the Baltimore protectorate. Enoch can you hear me?
EP
I can hear you, colonel. I am likewise experiencing technical difficulties after yesterday’s brutal assault. I managed to pick up an old iPhone from an antique shop across the Bill Mumy Parkway nearby. I had forgotten how idiotic and tiresome holding a piece of metal and glass to ones ear could be, particularly when covered as I am in scratches and welts.
CSP
You know we appreciate the effort and my friend I am just baffled as a lounge singer as to what has happened to the Quakers. I understand you’re in safer quarters today.
EP
This is true. The somewhat hesitant proprietor of Stew’s Rib Kingdom has stowed your humble correspondent in a refrigerated room adjoining the kitchen. Normally, this might be the source of complaint or even panic, but as it is 128 degrees this evening in Baltimore, I welcome the Arctic sensation. These are the unexpected fruits of climate change I suppose.
CSP
Well, and I remind you, the jury’s still out on climate change. It is nice that’s it’s cooled down a little though. For folks listening or linked, I’ll mention that while there are many scales on which the Singularity declaration depends, the old Kurzweil standard, the Berlin conference and the Nichole Ritchie Test to name a few, None of the outlets have called it yet, but even if they had, I put my trust in the one you developed, Enoch. For those that might be tuned in for the first time or haven’t MEMFILED it, could you recap your criteria again?
EP
With pleasure, of course. In my view, these are simple and obvious events that make it clear that once achieved, we would have ascended to the next great plateau of human existence. Number one: sentient vegetables. Two: the sudden, mass-renaming of all human females to the name Rhonda. Three: Jake Paul II finally loses an election. Four: the eradication of mucus. Finally, five: a global run on and complete depletion of homestyle coleslaw.
CSP
You’ve maintained that the last of these is actually the likely first domino to fall.
EP
Coleslaw, when properly prepared in its homestyle form is truly unlike any other consumable substance in the universe. It ingredients deceivingly simple and yet it challenges every assumption. How can it be creamy and crunchy at once? Is it sweet or is it bitter? The question brings me on this 52nd night of the Singularity watch to Stew’s Rib Kingdom.
CSP
It turns out Potbelly Sams actually removed it from their menu-which makes last night’s incident sting a bit-
EP
Let me not mince this response, my friend. Their indignity was nothing short of the unsheathed blade, thrust deep into my trusting flank. I will mourn our severed relationship, but I can never again break bread with this turncoat corporate actor.
CSP
How are the coleslaw levels there looking?
EP
Underperforming at present. I can see through the window of the walk-in door two trays, roughly containing 15 quarts a piece of the beloved susbtance. Only a single scoop has been removed from the tray to the left.
CSP
That’s super bizarre, I wonder if this is blowback from that wildlife intrusion in ’42. Do they still have an issue with squirrels?
EP
Hold on a moment, there is a commotion at the front of the house. Shouting. Two of the servers have just burst through the doors screaming at one another. Strange thing to observe this in silence from this sealed room
CSP
I wonder if it’s a personal beef. Do they look like they might be in a romantic relationship?
EP
The taller of the two, a pale, and from what I can see, undernourished waiter is hurling explicatives. His badge bears the name Dougie. Alas, I think this may simply be a rude customer. He’s unhooked the auto-server next to the slaw and shoved it to the side.
CSP
Rude - or maybe demanding - this could still be it -
EP
Possibly, he has a plate in one hand, he’s reaching down- oh God no
CSP
Enoch, what’s going on
EP
I’ve got to get out there -
CSP
Enoch?
EP
The door -this damned door is locked! They’ve locked me in- no, my pale friend-don’t do this. Listen to me, Dougie-Dougie, if you can hear my voice you are about to commit an atrocity- No, no! I can’t look upon it.
CSP
Enoch, what happened?
EP
I am diminished. I feel as though I have been among the spectators of 1618, the brave Sir Walter Raleigh is no more.
CSP
So they killed a customer? That’s gonna hurt the tip.
EP
My good colonel, I just watched a man, consumed with barbaric anger, crush the most delicate and precious of flowers. Before my eyes, he freed and then aimed his putrid member upward so as to rain an arc of warm urine like incidenary at the Battle of Caishi, down onto two pristine bins of perfectly crafted coleslaw. He gleefully proceeded to scoop a mound of this defiled innocence afterwards onto a plate, which he presumably returned to the dining patron. Fate in the form of this stainless steel door prevented all intervention on my part.
CSP
What about the baked beans, do you think they’re okay?
EP
They may have been compromised, it is impossible to know the full trajectory of that splashing foulness. I can say for certain that the collard greens were in the red zone. They join the coleslaw, okra and sweet potato mash in the great afterlife.
CSP
Any more spots around Baltimore we can set up for tomorrow night maybe? A limping carney could do better than we’re doing here.
EP
There comes a moment when we tire of running, my simple friend. I will remain here at Stew’s Rib Kingdom. I have already eyed a package of sealed haddock more than capable of piercing the glass of this humiliatingly small viewing aperture. When I have released myself, I will help these people rebuild. It is on this hill, that we will obtain our victory. No more retreats.
CSP
That’s a good reminder. I think I’ll order some marinated riblets from the Stew’s next door here. Don’t want to give up on those good people. Enoch Price folks, once again straddling the line between the distant past and our certain, robotic subservient future. All brought to you courtesy of Kickshaw Human Kibble. For every 500th bag you purchase, half a bag will be sent to a North American monitoring zone of your choice to help give back to communities struggling with malnutrition and x-bio-famine. Don’t delay, grab two or three bags of KHK. When we resume, Birthdays and REGENs. Do come back.
COMMERCIAL 1
I have a confession to make, the last few years, I have started to put on the pounds. I was never an olympian, but I’m not in REGEN 1 any more and it seems I have to waive off anything that might threaten to taste good. And while I know my beloved Arcadia is programed to desire me, I would still like to look the part.
I’m not looking for a RESKIN for obvious reasons, and while Acid Pills sound good in theory, the earthquake intensity intestinal discomfort they encourage isn’t exactly beckoning me to the pharmacy. Well, you may recall about a month back, we had Dr. Murphy Ludris join us and explain why he has turned his back on traditional weight loss medicine. Dr. Ludris confirmed through hard science what many of us suspected, that fat cells are in fact a demonic order.
Folks it’s why I’m holding in my hand a Ludris Weight Loss Incantation Guide. Fifty incantations for a variety of common trouble zones, illustrated in a rich, full color comic strip format. Dr Ludris offers a spell to direct at every nook and cranny on your body that might be harboring the offspring of Satan. I recite my waistline burning spell every morning. Not only can it be done in minutes, but let me recommend to you turning off the lights when you go number two. It is quite a site to see anything flaming exit your body.
Best of all, you don’t have to change your diet.
I hope I’ve lit a fire and convinced you to pick up a copy of the Ludris Weight Loss Incantation Guide. Purchase with as little as 2.4 transition credits, 5600 BIT or the good old dollar, trading rates may vary at time of purchase. Available on THRICE, PIGMY and a variety of information distributors, grab a MEMLOAD or physical copy today and start murdering your fat cells the Ludris way.
BIRTHDAYS & REGENS
Just saw this come over the AP BOT. If you happen to be using the Euclidean or Pamplona Generative AR, they got themselves hacked this morning and it’s putting dog heads on everything. Mostly Terriers for what it’s worth. They’ve shutdown Port Laguardia until further notice. Can’t say I blame them, can you imagine seeing a cupid cut jack Russel slapped on the front of an 866? So, be on the lookout for that-although it doesn’t sound very hard to miss.
Let’s just jump in here. This is a better birthday slate than we’ve had in a while. Former singer and Coal Reclamation Baroness, Rihanna, is 57. I tend to be a natural sceptic, but Rihana Coal Again has some really effective ads. You see an infant lying in a bed of coal, it just makes you want to break out the grill.
Dame Cindy Crawford, is 79. I never bought into the third and fourth arm thing, but she manages to pull it off. And speaking of grilling, do yourself a favor if you haven’t streamed it and punch up some footage of her at a picnic. Uncanny stuff.
Actor turned fish sculptor, French Stewart is celebrating REGEN 11. I didn’t realize he was first wave. Imagine he used some of his Hollywood money for that. I feel a little bad for French, actually. I don’t know if folks remember, but right before the Second Kardashian Riots, he was on what I think was a hilarious program called “Just Stay Back.” Unfortunately, that was pretty poor timing to have a show about crowd control. Ended with a whimper. Our loss is the sculpting world’s gain I suppose. Still don’t find anything erotic about groupers.
Synthetic Wheat spokesperson and cat psyhic, Olivia Rodrigo, is 42. I’m still determined to get her booked again, but it’s going to have to be remote. That entourage is insane and there’s not enough liter in the world to protect this studio from the napalm they can visit on you.
Now onto some friends of the program.
Medium Ginga Blagovist is celebrating REGEN 2. It’s been a few years, but you may recall she correctly predicted that Former President Haley Joel Osment would be struck by an egg if he was elected to a second term. You’re going to find detractors that disqualify Ginga based on the fact that she threw the egg in question, but I still think it’s pretty darn impressive.
Half bear, half man, Norwegian Lee Nettie is 71. I get SYNC-COMs about his whereabouts practically daily. The simple answer, he’s still stuck in that massive waffle ball and I don’t know they plan to get him out. Happy birthday Lee and good luck man.
Insect Composer Gabriel Calanthe is celebrating a whopping REGEN 14. If you’re wondering, she is the oldest REGEN I’ve ever met. It’s a ways back, but if you recall, the rumors back in 30 and 31 were all over the fricken place. As I’ve admitted ever year since, I was wrong about head replacement theory - at least about the timing of it. But, you won’t get me to ever rule it out entirely. There is nothing in the world as alluring as the possibility of switching heads at will with friends or strangers.
When we return folks, Chad Rodonda will join us. You’re not going to want to miss it. That’s next.
COMMERCIAL 2
There’s lots of old sayings about comparing your life to others. Grading yourself on someone else’s scale courts more misery than anything I know. Not only can this prevent us from realizing our own potential, but when we do achieve success, it can bring on a needless, guilty complex when I think of those that may have drawn the poverty card.
I know I’ve had advantages, just as anyone with a REGEN count would. But life is short and maybe like me, you’re listening to this program thinking “do I have to be constantly reminded of all the inequity in the world?” Have I done such a disservice that I should lack even the simple pleasures of a backyard barbecue ?
Well, I’d like to introduce you to New Vista Pastures, who have released this month the New Vista Leisure Lantern Mark IV. This is by far the best perimeter obscuring projector on the market. One of my apartments in the city happens to be near a feeding center. And yes, while most days, I will toss my scraps over the barrier fence, some days I need a break. If you’ve ever had a family of seven watch you down a t-bone, synthetic or not, it just takes the joy right out of it.
Well, replace all that smoke, noise and people with a brilliant landscape fully on demand. Maybe you want to dine overlooking a recreation of the Okavango Delta in old Botswana. Just think it and that team of disgruntled children straight out of a Dickens novel vanishes, replaced by the sights and sounds of far away unspoiled perfection.
Maybe you failed the colony exam and were robbed of your true potential. Dial up the steep Martian valleys of Deuteronilus Mensae and experience the sights and sounds piped straight from mining camp DM-3.
I tried it once myself the night my own nephew Perth had a coronary in the driveway two weeks ago and I had no idea and he was mere feet away-that’s the kind of audiovisual quality and fidelity we’re talking about. Not to mention, I probably had the most popular anecdote at the funeral.
Look into a subscription yourself, starting at only 1.5 transition credits, or around 2000 BIT. MEMLOAD the full AR today to get an idea of what you can expect. It’s the New Vista Leisure Lantern Mark IV. Make your world disappear today.
INTERVIEW PART 1
Now, this is a bit of a warped tennis shoe. We were receiving on NURAL for about 30 seconds there, ramping up for this interview and the next instant this dark cloud comes up on all the exterior monitors and a bunch of wireless dropped. I had Maurice pop his head out and check it and it looks like we’ve had another gender reveal party in the annex. Full disclosure, and you’ve heard it on the show before-we ask people to keep firearms away from the old dome, and while I congratulate these folks on a baby boy, it looks like the C4 they used damaged a retaining barrier and we’e got a little cesium-137 floating around.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank Maurice for his year and a half on the show. It’s been something of a whirlwind and I’m only sorry I won’t be able to pay him back that personal loan. Rest in peace, my friend.
We’re going to chat now with I think one of the more fascinating and frankly meta guests we’ve ever had. This next segment brought to you by Power Party Personal Ordinance and Pyrotechnic. Catapult your fun factor and show your friends and family how to truly entertain. MEMLOAD their extreme AR today and learn about their customizable and lifelike Explosive Effigy line. Your grumpy colleague or work-release teenager won’t laugh at anything harder than seeing themselves lofted skyward and detonated. Subscriptions prices when you connect. Power Party Personal Ordinance and Pyrotechnic
Chad Rodondo first came to our notice in the late twenties when he washed up on Portugal’s Algarve coast clinging to a lavatory door from the doomed vessel the Margaret Mead at age ten. He claimed at that time, that his own parents set the ship running and then hopped back onto the docks at the launch on Port St. Tenile north of Daytona Beach.
No charges were brought, but Chad grasped the opportunity to host the clip review show “That Neighbor Kid,” often reenacting the various childhood accidents and dismemberments featured. In 2041 he stepped away from hosting to executive produce and has been involved with various non-profits, including the Non Profit Abolition Convocation and the Vile Foundation, which we will be discussing. He has just released his first non-fiction book, “The Weeping Sofa: Escaping my Grandfather’s Nest of Lies,” Chad Rodondo, welcome to the show.
CR
Thank you for allowing me to speak to your followers.
CSP
Right off the forehead strike here, a couple of things. Let me apologize for the lack of a NURAL connection, I know our audience would prefer to use the vizualiser and our ratings certainly suffer when we have to go terrestrial.
CR
I’m not really what you would call dressed, so I’d say it’s a win-win.
CSP
You have asked that this book not be referred to as a memoir.
CR
It’s a work of journalism, friend.
CSP
That’s fair. Now normally, I would have MEMLOADed the book, but I didn’t have that opportunity here. I did manage to put my head down and read the table of contents. You all the first chapter “early warning.”
CR
Like most of my book, it has double meaning. I understood at a delicate age that something was very wrong in the Rodondo clan and I hope to educate humanity before it’s too damn late.
CSP
During this time, you were traveling with your Grandfather on the cheese-tasting circuit. He ran a burrata booth, but also practiced holistic medicine during this time.
CR
My grandfather practically had snake oil running through his veins. We paid three different families to travel with us to seed the crowd and attest to his so-called miracles. Their lurid catch phrase was “God, why does it feel so good?” There’s no defending it. The very idea of it is blasphemous.
CSP
I’m surprised your as religious as you are, considering the circumstances.
CR
I don’t have a religious fiber in me. You can go elsewhere to sell your diluted wares.
CSP
As for these cures- Father Ricardo in his own book seems to take a scientific approach. It’s actually a pretty dense read. I developed abdominal cramps a couple of paragraphs in as memory serves. The labaratory work on his elixirs seems to be pretty darn rigorous.
CR
He lifted most of that book from a box of laxative brochures. Come on man.
CSP
Commodore’s Gate is pretty reputable publishing house. Wouldn’t you think they would caught something that obvious?
CR
Provided they could find someone to translate it to the original Hungarian, little one. Commodore’s Gate had a vested interest in seeing my Grandfather’s empire succeed. Only he could get away with writing erotic thrillers featuring middle aged clergy and a nubile flock of the week and call it “preventative literature.”
CSP
Well, I can definitely say it’s one of the reason’s I decided not to become a priest, so I’m not sure how much I can share in that criticism.
CR
I thought I detected an apologist. I assume you were sucked in by the sweepstakes magazine subscriptions, it often starts like that. All this supposedly in Christ’s name.
CSP
Well, the decision to walk away wasn’t without regret. Not every day you get the opportunity to play Father O’Malley in an all Samba production of the Bells of St. Mary. Do you doubt the folks that claim to have been healed through your Grandfather’s pharmaceuticals?
CR
I once saw my grandfather duct tape a hover board to a poor paraplegic woman’s back at an Eczema Carnival in Portland Maine. Is that your idea of healing?
CSP
Not sure I would complain, they gave them back some mobility, isn’t that the point?
CR
She was very mobile when she entered the intersection, I’ll give you that. No one in Harlem had ever seen anything like it, maybe in the movies.
CSP
You’ve named chapter three, “Diamonds are No One’s Best Friend.” I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who had a bad experience at a Rodondo’s Jewelers, myself included. Even my ex-wife, Marisol managed to sell hers for a tidy sum when she was on the run after the flood at the Omaha Salt Park Expo.
CR
Here’s a picture for you. My grandfather had a habit of wearing a pair of Horace Batten English riding boots around the house. He would march around us and at random moments clutch the back of our necks in his hand, forcing us to sing passages from Paint Your Wagon or Flower Drum Song.
CSP
The German restaurant I eat at makes us put lipstick on before we eat, you don’t see me writing memoirs about it.
CR
My father was also versed at equivocation. He was a fearful and cowering man. When grandfather returned from his to trips to Angola on diamond mine interests, dear daddy would provide hand pantomimes as we were regaled to stories of various horrors visited on a subjectgated people we would never meet.
CSP
Well, Chuck Rodondo, god rest his soul, was a talented puppeteer. His version of Fried Green Tomatoes remains the best in my humble opinion, and I don’t even speak Vietnamese.
CR
I include an account on page 249 of a mine foreman whom my grandfather forced to eat dry dog food out of a dish to reinforce discipline. How could anyone possibly justify that?
CSP
Well, not to nitpick, but I’d at least like to know the brand of dog food we’re talking about before I pass any judgment. If we’re talking about Lonesome Run Tender Smoke honey chunks, we got a conversation. I fought off my cousin Fern’s mastiff for that stuff. Granted it was right after a a hind leg operation. Now, the next to last chapter here has collected a lot of controversy on some other outlets. You named it slop cup.
CR
You’re going to find plenty of corporate detractors circling to protect the Rodondo cash cow. And yes, I felt slop cup summed it up nicely. Nothing removes the fact that I was raised with and by horses. I consider myself more of a horse than I do the grandson of an evil CEO of your mother’s favorite conglomerate. I’m proud to subsist on the garden refuse of my neighbors and they have learned to accept me.
CSP
Is this an overreaction to Paint Your Wagon, though. He’s wearing riding boots, you adopt the way of the horse.
CR
I was given no choice in the matter. I don’t even own a matress.
CSP
Are you telling me you sleep standing up?
CR
Some of that is rumor, I will drop to a kneeling position if I enter REM sleep, but like many horses, yes, I do sleep frequently during the day while standing.
CSP
I’ve got an issue of the New Star from a couple of weeks ago showing you seated at a birthday party. How do you justify that betrayal of the horse culture you supposedly value?
CP
(Soft snoring)
CSP
Chad, how do you justify that, if I may ask?
CP
(Soft snoring)
CSP
Chad? (Pause). Alright, we’ll take a small break here folks. More with Chad Rodondo when we return.
COMMERCIAL 3
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You’re going to be running for the salad tongs after you try a head of iceberg lettuce skillfully crafted from freshly slaughtered mutton, and you’ll never be without a few venison powered sugar snap peas.
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INTERVIEW PART 2
CSP
Some good news. We found out that Chad is subscribed to the PushItOut fitness service, which I also happen to to be a member of. Not my favorite feature, but when you DM someone on the platform they register a shock on the PushitOut ankle bracelet.
CR
I’m just happy to be awake again. I need to get my counts up in time to make some more serum.
CSP
Happy to help. Let’s talk for a minute about one of your charitable initiatives, The Vile Foundation.
CR
Well, for those who haven’t connected to the site, we’re tearing down the old 20th Century stereotypes around vampirism. A new era is upon us-
CSP
Now with vampires, you have your have your Sanguinarians, Pyschic and
CR
Hybrid. They’re all tired and feeble namesakes. We believe that it’s time to break the chains of those tropes. We began on the psychic end of the spectrum, but very shortly a NEW KING will rise over Egypt.
CSP
We, who else is part of the organization?
CR
Casper and Harry Hitchcock, years ago they wrote the soundtrack for the Olson Twins biopic. We recognized that despite assurances, there were always whispers about knowingly feeding off the energy of others. The children of Israel are more and mightier than we. Granted, psychic and hybrids have long fed off large events, like church services or concerts, but at the end of the day, we recognize that even in this anonymous way, we’re consuming energy that someone did not choose to relinquish. It is robbery of the soul.
CSP
A lot like having the Mexican Tuna Melt Crossaint you put in the fridge stolen and eaten by a stranger.
CR
We quickly realized that the answer -especially amidst large crowds of people- had been floating among us the whole time. We needed to embrace energy in a literal and metaphysical sense. And when two or more people gather, there is a spike in a very specific kind of energy source.
CSP
Love?
CR
Flatulence. Gas. As few as three people easily introduce up to 120 ml of methane in the space of a few hours. It lays in abundance before us. Enough among us to power great interstellar airships until the end of time. Look, outside of the standard unmentionables, can you think of anything that human beings are consistently desperate to be rid of?
CSP
I never met anyone who collected it.
CR
This opportunity not without its burdens. That good natures breath tends to dissipate quickly. We can coral it using converted oxygen masks, but most folks are plain minded and not amenable to that procedure.
CSP
That happens. We ran into the same issue we started selling vinyl socks at broadcasting conventions back in the day.
CR
To be fair there were a minority -great heroes that were surprised at first but then asked us to keep going. We’ve developed a sponsor program for them. They’re among an intrepid few to witness transformation of vampiric culture.
CSP
Well, we wish you truly the best of luck there. Fair to say that we disagree on your grandfather’s legacy, but I appreciate your willingness to come on the program and ride the meerkat.
CR
I didn’t assume it would matter. When you’ve been in this putrid cultural ecosystem as long as you have, any hope of original thought or resistance to the illogical has likely rotted away like a struck possum on July asphalt.
CSP
Thank you. I understand you have a podcast.
CR
I don’t, but my grandfather does. It’s called the “I Hate My Grandchild Tower of Power”
CSP
Well, I see eye to eye with Father Ricardo on most things, but I’m not sure if that’s appropriate use of a podcast. All the same, folks, if you’re curious, we’ll have the load link in show notes on the site, so check it out if you’re interested. Chad Rodondo, thanks for joining us.
CR
I had little choice, my sweet boy.
CSP
Thanks also to Stephanie, our good friend Enoch Price. Also Maurice, who I think went out on a strong note, smooth running as usual. Big thanks to Pip and Henrietta at the Coal Exchange for the crawdad sorbet. Super interesting texture and aftertaste. Author Linda Prince Pine guest hosts tomorrow. She will be welcoming silver investor Arnie Adelle, who will be introducing all of us to the super wide benefits of chicory. Should be a great show.
OUTRO
Until then do not allow the ordinary distractions to thwart your search for wisdom and knowledge, all that and more may just be revealed beyond the near horizon. Good night
