Two Chicks and a Hoe
We’re gonna dig deep into some really amazing people and topics — cultivating ideas about nature, the environment and conservation — in your backyard and globally. We want to share stories with you where the only intention may be for you to say,“Wow, I didn’t know that!”…and now that you do, maybe you might think about your relationship with it differently, share the information with a friend or get involved.
Two Chicks and a Hoe
From Heels to Healing: How Drag Transformed My World
When Alex Mondragon, known under the spotlight as Belladonna, stepped into the world of drag, a bold tapestry of self-expression unfurled before them. Their journey, marked by the trials of growing up non-heteronormative and the quest for acceptance, is the beating heart of our latest episode. Through a candid conversation, Alex shares how drag became more than just an art form—it was the lifeline that anchored them in a community that celebrates identity and challenges societal norms, weaving a narrative that reaches beyond personal transformation to touch on broader cultural shifts.
Each of us has a story etched in the struggles and triumphs of finding who we are, but for those in the LGBTQ+ community, these tales often come with the weight of societal pressures and the search for safe havens. Our episode delves into the impactful role media representation and drag culture play in shaping queer identities, and the stark contrast between mainstream acceptance and the censure faced by LGBTQ+ displays of affection. Alex's reflections provide a raw look into the intricate dance of reconciling personal identity with the expectations of family and society, and how the embrace of drag culture can not only foster self-acceptance but also serve as a vibrant act of rebellion and celebration.
Beneath the glitter and glamor of drag lies a foundation of mentorship, resilience, and hope—a community that extends its hand to those grappling with depression and seeking solace. We uncover the invaluable connections formed through drag, the mentorship from drag moms, and the inclusive nature of the art that transcends not only gender but also the boundaries of the LGBTQ+ community. This episode is a mosaic of stories; from Alex's life-changing encounter with a drag queen to the competitive yet united spirit of drag performers, we celebrate the transformative power of drag to create a beacon of love, acceptance, and solidarity for all who find themselves within its radiant embrace.
The Trevor Project
LGBT National Help Center
Interview with : Alex Mondragon aka Belladonna
Things that make you say "Wow"!
For more episodes and additional information visit the Two Chicks and a Hoe website and our Facebook page.
Big thanks to our Producer, Casey Kennedy.
Drag is an art form. Usually it's a form of entertainment where artists will typically have a lot of makeup. It's a lot of exaggeration of gender. You'll see a lot of different kinds of drag artists more feminine presenting, more masculine, presenting with a lot of exaggerated features that we sculpt onto our bodies with makeup. It's a lot of preciseness. Sometimes it can be a little messy, but it's usually very colorful and very bright and lots of different kinds of styles out there. But that's typically what drag is and my definition of it.
Speaker 2:It's with the deepest respect that I asked my friend Alex to join me in a conversation today, a conversation that started one day when we were working amongst the plants at a nursery. When Alex declared to me drag saved my life and can change the world, I was totally intrigued and it started a conversation that was too important not to share with the world. Alex shared a very personal story. Sometimes our own individual stories, when shared, can change the world. I actually think that big, dynamic world and cultural shifts are started by those small, brilliant stories like the one you're going to hear today.
Speaker 2:Hey, listeners, it's Vanessa from Two Chicks in a Hole and I wanna tell you a little story. So a few months ago I was working at a nursery with my guest that you're gonna be hearing from in a second and we were talking about the podcast and we were talking about ideas and potential guests and he looked at me and he said I could be a guest and I thought I was kinda like, okay, how? And he told me he said we could do an episode on how drag saved my life. And I was thinking, huh, you know, honestly, I wasn't putting the pieces together, I wasn't connecting the dots and the more we talked, the more I realized yeah, we need to talk. We need to talk. So I'd like to introduce you to Alex Mondragon, also known as Bellad onna, and Alex is a friend and a drag artist here in the Bay Area. Welcome to the show, alex. Thank you for joining us today.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 2:So you know we're gonna explore the topic of how how drag saved your life. Yeah, totally Excellent. So, like I said before to you guys, I had no idea how we were gonna even talk about this, but every time Alex and I start a conversation, one, I'm blown away. Two, I learned so much and I recognize more and more how drag changed his life and more about the community and more about this. So let's talk, let's talk, tell me okay, let's go to the basics here, okay.
Speaker 1:So, when it comes to drag, drag is an art form. Usually it's a form of entertainment where artists will typically have a lot of makeup. It's a lot of exaggeration of gender. You'll see a lot of different kinds of drag artists more feminine presenting, more masculine, presenting with a lot of exaggerated features that we sculpt onto our bodies with makeup. It's a lot of preciseness. Sometimes it can be a little messy, but it's usually very colorful and very bright and lots of different kinds of styles out there. But that's typically what drag is and my definition of it.
Speaker 2:Okay, and listeners too. Alex and I talked a lot about this as well. This is a conversation between the two of us and it's Alex's story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's about me Like I'm a queer person and I can only really speak for myself and my experiences.
Speaker 2:As all of us. That's all we all can do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I feel that a lot that I've been through and a lot that I've learned can be a lot of people's stories as well, and a lot of people can relate to it and learn something and maybe have experienced it themselves as well. And that's what I'm hoping to talk about more of, especially with going on with drag lately and what's been going on with the queer community here in the States. So I'm happy to talk about that anytime.
Speaker 2:Excellent, I love it. So tell me I guess we'll go back to a little bit, to even the beginning of in terms of your life. In conversations that you and I have had, can you describe to me a little bit about kind of growing up and the idea of who or who that didn't make you who?
Speaker 1:I am today, yes, well, I mean. So I've always kind of like, felt like a different kid, like I'd always.
Speaker 1:You know, we compare ourselves to everyone else. We want to, you know, fit in and be the same in certain ways. And you know, we all think that there's like some kind of track of life that we have to stick to. We're all on the same road and we're all going to same places and that's typically like the narrative to society. And I've never really fit that mold, and even as a child, like because kids are a lot smarter than you think they are, you know they're a sponge of information and they pick up on things and they compare themselves to others and me doing that growing up, just like any other kid, you feel different when you know that you're not the same. Of course, like I remember, you know, having crushes on other boys and whatnot, and but then I'd have girlfriends because I'm like, well, everyone else has a girlfriend.
Speaker 2:I'm supposed to have one too. I'm supposed to have one too.
Speaker 1:So it was a lot of things like that and he, well, you told me at one point too.
Speaker 2:you told me that you were discouraged, yeah, yeah, from, for example, from when two women might walk by holding hands. You were told don't look at them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like, oh, like, and that has to do a lot with, like, my mom, my mom lots of things there and I'm happy to talk about it. I do want to say that, like me, my mom, like, we love each other very deeply. We have our own special relationship and we've grown a lot as mother and son, but it wasn't easy. Because of that, a lot of things happen. She said a lot of hurtful things, A lot of. She was very she's a very opinionated woman and she'll she wouldn't be afraid to tell anyone anything that she felt. You know, and oftentimes, you know, I'd see like there'd be someone on the street like holding hands, or you know couples, same gendered couples and or something gay was happening on a TV and she'd cover my eyes and she's like Alex, don't look at that. And it was very much something that she instilled in me. It's, you know, as parents often do. You know, you try to protect your child from things that you think aren't okay, Right right, you know, and that happens in every family, Right?
Speaker 1:So yeah, it was often things like that where I would see something. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:No, so was so. So seeing that and then being told that that wasn't okay.
Speaker 1:That wasn't okay.
Speaker 2:Was that kind of confusing?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean it was like. You know I see like other people do that all the time, like man and woman, you know kiss on TV, hold hands, you know, talk about deep relationship, things that couples talk about, and married couples, and it was strange to me that I was told you know, don't be like that ever. This is bad, even though I do see it outside often. You know there's a lot of examples in media often, or queer coded characters and TV shows and whatnot, and but then you must have been also getting the message.
Speaker 2:Then that don't be you.
Speaker 1:Exactly, you know, because I felt like a connection to these people. As a kid, I've always felt that, that connection, and I can see, even if I didn't really know the words for it. I felt something there that I wasn't the same as others and that that what I, what I was feeling, wasn't okay.
Speaker 2:Because that's what you were being told Exactly.
Speaker 1:That's, that's what I've been being taught. I mean, that was like every, every queer children's being taught pretty much. You know, don't look, don't look at that, don't be that, don't. A lot of don'ts.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay. So then, how did the drag come into play? What was your first experience with drag?
Speaker 1:You know, actually it was my sister when forgot what year it was, but it was a fourth season of drag race and my sister at the time she's older than me by two years.
Speaker 2:And wait, wait, wait, drag race is RuPaul's.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:I just double check in here, okay.
Speaker 1:It's been airing since 2009.
Speaker 2:Right, right.
Speaker 1:And I was born in 2000. So you know, it's easy to count how old I am.
Speaker 2:You know, oh, it's 2023.
Speaker 1:So I'm 23 this year.
Speaker 2:We have it easy.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, my sister was like the one who was watching drag race for some reason, and I remember watching it too and you know there's a lot of iconic moments that it was lucky enough to be able to experience it when Aaron that is now very popular, but that was like my first exposure to drag. It was season four, it was. Who was it? It was Fifi O'Hara, it was Willem, it was Milan, it was all the cast of season four and I just saw like these, like these giant women, that's what it felt like.
Speaker 1:It was like, like who are these people? You know, like, why are they so like big and beautiful and glamorous? You know why can't? You know why can't I be like that too? You know it was, and it was like I want to do that. That looks like fun or something like that. It was some kind of connection again, because when you, when you again, when you know that you're not, you're a different kind of kid and you see something that you just you have that attraction to you, you kind of go, you, you study it a little, you have that a little bit of a focus on it. And I remember, like, even as I was watching Drag Race and I only remember little bits and pieces because oftentimes I don't want my mom to come home or come in the room to see me watching this, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yes, and so I, even though I was, I was, it was in front of me on a TV with my sister. If my mom came in I would just walk away, you know, go to the other room, go in the kitchen or something, and I didn't get to watch like my sister did. And my sister she's, you know, she's a, she's a cis girl, you know, like what, what, what, what, what, what. How does that kind of affect her when it's a bunch of mostly men dressing up like that?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You know that was my mom's concern, like I don't want my child being exposed to these weird like perverted men doing God knows what on a TV show.
Speaker 2:Interesting.
Speaker 1:Okay, and it was always like that, even like you know, and it wasn't even just drag race. Growing up as a kid, like I remember like watching the wings club in secret I love that show, it's a show about like fairies and stuff, or like Tara Duncan, it was like all bunch of like 4W kids, whatever that station was and I remember waking up so early in the morning, before anyone else got up, and secretly watching all these like shows with these hyper feminine like girls and you know, with like skirts and and glitter and colored hair and with this female energy. And I just second someone woke up, I changed the channel and put on Pokemon all the time, all the time, because you were embarrassed and stuff.
Speaker 2:Yes, Well, I'd also get in trouble, oh it wasn't just like embarrassment.
Speaker 1:Like you know, I wouldn't say I was like typically, like necessarily embarrassed, but I was like I felt like I was doing something bad.
Speaker 2:Oh, he felt you were doing something wrong.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly Like I shouldn't be doing. This is what I felt like watching those shows.
Speaker 2:And so tell me then, so I understand that you felt that you were doing something wrong watching.
Speaker 1:Drag.
Speaker 2:Race. Yeah, all right. So then tell me how did that shift? What was the big shift? What was your first experience meeting a drag artist?
Speaker 1:This is a great story actually. Well, it was when I was in high school. I kind of like, when you know you move from school to school and you get older, especially in middle school, I was like, okay, I'm like by or something. I am not, I don't like girls like that right now. And you know, in middle school I came out as by friends and friends only. And then on eighth grade I came out as gay and in high school I was completely gay and it got hard. At school my friends were accepting, but then I noticed that other people started treating me differently because I was so open. You know, if I can't be open at school, I'm going to make everyone else like be okay with me because I already get it, you know, bad at home. So that was kind of like my mentality about it, especially after I came out. I didn't want anything to hold me back.
Speaker 2:So you wanted to be you.
Speaker 1:I wanted to be me, even if it was hard, but eventually it got it got. It got difficult around people. You know, some people didn't want to be my friend or oftentimes, oftentimes, I felt like I make people uncomfortable being myself. You know, sometimes I wear makeup.
Speaker 2:This is in high school?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is in high school. I would often cross-dress to go to school because I don't know why not, you know?
Speaker 2:like.
Speaker 1:I wear like my mom's boots or something and a coat and go do my thing. And it was in high school when I started getting involved with the U space and downtown to help me keep us in U space, which to me was like it's an organization where you know it's a safe place for queer children to go and you know have supervision. They offered therapy there for queer kids as well.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:You know it's a great resource and I remember getting involved with we had these passes to. It was some kind of like festival or Something, but there was a drag queen is the point I forgot what it was.
Speaker 1:But there was a drag queen and this is the first interaction I ever had with a drag queen and we got these passes, we went inside and we were supposed to like dance around her while she performed, or something like that, and Her name was 100% all beef patty Okay, okay, that was her name and she was just giant Goddess of a woman and she had like this fringe, like up and down her body that was green and pink and just crazy. She looked up like a freaking clown or something I don't know, but she was huge with these Already, like maybe six foot tall and like six inch heels. Oh yeah, and like, oh, she was fabulous and and that was my first Interaction with a drag queen we I think there's a video of it somewhere, but I've never I've never seen it.
Speaker 1:I've never seen that video because I was just freaking, just dancing Awkwardly. I don't. I have like two left feet. I don't want to see that, but it's summer. But yeah, that was my first interaction and it was another. Like it reminded me of watching drag race again as a kid, where it was like I want to be this spectacular being because it drag is like, it's like exceeds gender.
Speaker 2:You know it's, tell me more it's more than man and woman.
Speaker 1:It's just an exaggeration of Whatever and you be, you know it's an exaggeration of being a being, exactly yes you know and and it's that energy coming out, but in full color exactly and like that, and it was as a, as a, as a kid who's never felt like they fit in.
Speaker 1:That was Something at that time, in that moment, I'm like I want to do this, I feel like I need this, you know I why, because this person was in front of me just being whatever they wanted to be and you know, the world wasn't giving me what I needed as a, as a kid, and and I saw this person in front of me, just who cares. You know, I'm gonna be this giant, colorful Person and I'm gonna perform and I'm gonna show everyone that this is who I am and I someone who didn't, who doesn't fit in that was very, very Attractive to me. Nice something, something that I'm not fitting in. I need a community, I need a space where I can fit in. Yeah, it was, it was. It was honestly life-changing, meaning freaking, and I kept 100%. I'll be fatty, like that's a great drag name, you know, and it sticks with you and I remember her, like not often, but someone asked me like oh yeah, patty, I've never seen her again.
Speaker 1:Oh and she really like changed my life and it to. She kind of pushed me in a different direction a little and she and we didn't even like talk. I don't even know what we talked about. I just remember, like it's like tattooed in my brain, this image of her and Just I feel like it really changed everything for me.
Speaker 2:And so I started like.
Speaker 1:Getting more attracted to drag.
Speaker 2:Alex and I were. I wanted to mention this. Alex and I were talking about a show that brought up the idea of Migration and the idea of migration. So you're talking about the Bay Area. So you know, you think, oh, the Bay Area, it's the you know. But you're right, san Francisco is like a hub.
Speaker 1:It what yeah?
Speaker 2:definitely as New York City and you know that kind of a thing.
Speaker 1:So people migrated to those areas Dallas where they felt more accepted.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and they felt more they could have community.
Speaker 1:Yes, got it, you know, and that's why, like back then, even, like you know, san Jose has been voted very, very safe for queer people. For a long time I Always felt like it was a lot of the younger folk, a lot of queer folk here. I want to order queer folk. They kind of keep to themselves often the older ones.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay. I've noticed that you know like they have their friends and some kind of kind of still some residual from Exactly in the day, so exactly like it's something they're used to.
Speaker 1:It's something like oh I should just mind my own business and be in my little Circle and don't spread out that much. And it's still something that I've noticed a lot often. You know, you don't really see a lot of them Large movements of, or large crowds of, queer, older queer often.
Speaker 2:It's a lot of it's a lot of younger people like you got a Santa Cruz.
Speaker 1:Oh, I just went to Rocky Horror over in Santa Cruz. It was so much fun. All of people, my other people, my age queers, all of them. That auditorium just shocked full of just these beautiful people that, and Maybe like a handful of of of, like parents or something, you know, it's very, it's very interesting the way that, like from city to city, like the structure is different and I think that has that has a lot to do with you things that people have experienced in the past because, you know, just honey a few years ago was a very different, you know right Right you know people couldn't be out, people had to hide themselves.
Speaker 2:Well, we talked about that too. We talked about, you know, and we're not gonna get too deep, because yeah we're not gonna go that direction. Yeah we talked, you and I did a little bit about how Now um, drag artists or drag has, is becoming more on the forefront, so to speak. People are talking about it more Maybe it's because of the shows on TV, that kind of a thing but also to the transgender, all of that is coming more forward into people's conversations.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which is?
Speaker 2:good, but then of course I hope it's not happening because of the negativity associated with the politics you know in Tennessee and what have you.
Speaker 1:Well, it is that's, that's, that's yeah, and that's a sad part and it's. And it's interesting how people really treat it, how they treat it like, oh, this is something new, this is something that yeah, drag, or just be clear, but drag to yeah, like Anything queer really. That this is something new, like this is foreign to our world, when there has been Long histories of queer people existing everywhere India, greece, I.
Speaker 2:Was reading stuff on South Africa, the movements in South Africa for Drag and and, like you said, in India, the Philippines.
Speaker 1:Thailand, thailand, indonesia, yes, yes, of different places to already have had Queer history. You know natives here in the US. You know they had something called two-spirit, which I don't know what about, but it's another queer thing that's not man or woman or straight. It was something completely different. Long histories of it. There's even, like paintings of our pots, art that depicts.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's Roxy. We know that.
Speaker 1:Yes, roxy's drinking water, the queer people existing it in our history, all over the place. Right, it's not something new. It's not. It's never been something new. We've always been here and you know what we deserve to To, to, to be studied, to be accepted to, for you to get to know us. That's, that's what I feel like. If these people have always existed, don't we deserve to be, to be? Don't we deserve to have to be learned from as well?
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, right, yes some someone said that I don't know who, but you know if we've always your experiences are worthy. Where we're well, yes we've been here this whole time. What?
Speaker 2:are you talking about? Right? This is not new. It's not new. I Was intrigued by the comment that Alex mentioned two spirits. I had never heard that before and I had to look it up and share that with you. Traditionally, native American two-spirit people were male and female, and sometimes Intersexed individuals who combined activities of both men and women with traits unique to their status as two-spirit people. In Most tribes, they were considered neither men nor women. They occupied a distinct, alternative gender status. So tell me, alex, how, so how, did drag save your life?
Speaker 1:So I got, I kind of got into like high school, being hard earlier. And you know I was a very depressed kid, especially my senior year of high school, and my depression got so bad where I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. I also had to hide that from my mom. I remember waking up and feeling just empty. You know, like I felt it was a feeling where, like I kind of described it back then as like waking up and feeling it in your bones that you're going to die, and I woke up with that feeling like every day for maybe like three months or so. Wow, that's like how deep and bad it got. And at the same time I had to worry about my mom finding out.
Speaker 1:So what I would do in my senior year is sorry what I would do is I would wake up and the first thing I would do would be hide under my bed, and I'd hide my backpack too, and I'd hide my shoes, so it looks like I left.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:And I'd wait for my mom to leave to go to work, and as soon as she did I would get up from under my bed and go back to sleep. And then when I woke up, I'd use the bathroom, I grab something to eat, I'd make, just throw something together, I ate it, and then I would take pretty much my whole bed with me, my blankets, and just drag it to the living room and then I'd go to sleep again. And then by the time my mom got home, that's when I'd wake up again. And so I, just because I just had no will to just go- home.
Speaker 2:This was you were supposed to be in school.
Speaker 1:Yes, Wow, oh, I remember getting like, oh, they would send letters, oh, I'm sure, yeah, like where's your son? Where is your son he's not here.
Speaker 1:Wow, like if you were supposed to go to court for me being tardy so much. I think I did that for like three months straight, vanessa. Wow, like three months and it was. And after that it was interesting because I still didn't go to school. When I got better and I did, I signed up for home hospital, which is a program for kids who struggle going to school, where a teacher comes and has lessons with you and I forgot her name. But God bless her Because she really helped me out when my senior year. That's how I got my. Because of her, I graduated.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah.
Speaker 1:But instead of going to school, what I was doing was planning this queer prom.
Speaker 2:Oh, I think I remember telling you about this?
Speaker 1:Oh yes.
Speaker 2:Tell me more, come on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so I was. I was president of the Gender Sexuality Alliance and I might not have been in school, but I was still doing, I was still present.
Speaker 1:I was doing a damn thing and I didn't, didn't tell anyone I was doing. We had this one meeting when, because I was going to school until probably October and we're like let's have a queer prom, and I was like, okay, and then I ran with it and I ran so far that no one, no one knew what I was doing. Oh, you run your own. I was on my own because I wasn't going to school all of a sudden and so I don't know.
Speaker 1:I just I was like, okay, queer prom, let's do it. And I remember talking to the county about it with their office of LGBTQ plus affairs and I managed to get like AK and funding Wow.
Speaker 1:And yeah, and I, I, I, I booked a Mexican heritage puzzle as a venue. I got food some vegetarian and you know, vegan was in the thing back and I'm kidding, we should have had vegan food, but do you know what Vegan and decorations and DJs and drag performers as well, and I was one of them. Oh yeah, we were getting interviewed and a lot of stuff, but it was, it was really cool.
Speaker 2:That was your first drag performance. No actually this was like my maybe third or four. Okay.
Speaker 1:I started drag when I was like 18.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:This is when I actually started doing track and it was because of the youth space. They were helping me with this queer prom as well, Because at this point I was doing, I think I've already had my first performance with them. They would put on like drag shows and you know the the young ones as high schoolers were with, be get help with drag and you put on a show for all of our loved ones and that's what that was my first performance.
Speaker 1:I know I'm going everywhere, but my first ever drag performance was I wore this wedding wig.
Speaker 2:It was so.
Speaker 1:It was like reflective and had bangs and it was hard front and cool and I wore like this like corset thing with this like buckle from. It was all from like parties sitting or something. But we had some funding because they gave us. It was a grant that they gave the youth space of some kind of money from. I think it was some kind of art program grant and they bought me a Trump pinata.
Speaker 2:A Trump pinata.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, we won't go there, but it's my first performance. No, no, tommy, tommy, oh my gosh, your performance was with the Trump pinata. Yeah, oh my God, go ahead.
Speaker 1:I have videos of it, I'll show you later, Okay, but it was like you know cause we won't get into it, but it was a Trump pinata and the song was you Don't Own Me by Leslie Gore oh, my gosh, okay. And they had decorated the pinata with some things that you know our dear ex-president has said. And when the climax of the song came, someone came out with the pinata on a fishing pole and I had like some baton and I just started beating the out of it and the roar from the audience. When that happened, the room was so loud and I'll never forget it. It was. I was so nervous and scared and excited and I didn't know all the words and I just and I felt beautiful and it was, and I and I've ever since that, like, wow, like I felt like I want to do this forever, for as long as I can Drag is not easy, but it was.
Speaker 1:That was another like life-changing moment, especially coming out of that dark place that I was experiencing back then Because it was so dark. You know, I'm into this and into this yeah.
Speaker 2:Wow, wow. You know, I almost you know so Let me ask you that is that where you the I don't know what to call it a phrase, the statement that drag changed my saved my life. Yeah, I saved my life. It's exactly what you just described, isn't it? Yeah, from a dark space into this beautiful Expression of of you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was so hard, like I, when I was that depressed, you know, I Did try to take my life a few times Because I felt like this world just wasn't for me. Like this world was was trying to put me down Into a place where I couldn't get back up, and it was a lot of factors. You know, it was my mom's Behavior and treatment of me when I came out and Feeling ostracized at school and I Feeling like I didn't have like a place anywhere, that no one loved me Not if I died right now, no one would care and I'm sure you know a lot of people can relate to that feeling and Not even not, and just a lot of people, not just queer people, I think that's part of human nature.
Speaker 1:Yeah, some of the dark spots that we go to and it's so hard that when you're, when you're in there, it's so hard to to look back at the good that life brings. Okay, and it's something I've worked hard at. You know I, I still have my moments, but I Feel like I've come a long way. I Feel like, with our discussions, you At you, you tell I've, I've, I try my best to Be a positive Person, very much so, looking at the bright side of things, because in a way you have to. You know what, what's, what's life worth living, if you, if there's no good things, you know, and Sometimes they're so hard to see, but they're there absolutely.
Speaker 1:They're everywhere absolutely you know even this. You know you said you have breakfast in the morning outside, right that sounds lovely, even those even small little things like that.
Speaker 1:You know, and you're just thinking in this moment I Love my life. I Love that I have a chair out here and I can have my bowl of cereal in the morning sun and look at the blue sky and and and appreciate life and feel gratitude, and it's something that I try to practice every day, and all the little small ways I can, because I love being alive and I have so many things I want to do and so many things I want to share and so much love to give for everyone. I Never want to feel that way again and.
Speaker 1:I work hard every day to make sure I don't and to make sure that other people Don't feel that way either.
Speaker 2:And one of those ways I do that with is drag. How I Mean what you have just said is Is deep.
Speaker 1:Because it runs deep like that it is. It runs deep. Being queer is not easy in this world. There's so many things against you all the time, so many social structures, society, your family, laws and regulations religion. It's so easy to to feel like the world's against you.
Speaker 2:So it's amazing, the things that you've said, that every day is those little teeny things, the rays of light. The rays of light and hope and and and.
Speaker 1:When you're alone, like that it's, it's easy those things become visible. And that's how, like when I started going to the youth space and Meeting all these queens, I'll be a patty, you know she would. I only what I want, but which changed your life? But yeah, I would love to talk to her. But, um, meeting my drag mama to use space, you know she would volunteer a lot there. You know, a monarch Love she's. I owe so much to my. She's taught me so many beautiful, wonderful things. And you know, petty page, you know she still works at the youth space now.
Speaker 2:What's a drag mom?
Speaker 1:I'm like a mentor, pretty much in drag. They kind of teach you you know how to like, keep cinch and your waist had a cinch, you waste. You know what course it's to buy. Yes, yes you know the kind of makeup that's gonna go good for your skin and how to sew I. She taught me how to sew. She taught me how to style wigs Lots of things. She taught me how to be a better person. Oh, oh.
Speaker 1:Oh she taught me how to be a kind, loving person. I Know a lot to her. I have a love, I have a lot of love for her and she is she really is like a mom.
Speaker 1:You know I call her mama, our mommy, and and she'll, she'll just send like the most ramp. Like just today at work she sent me a message like the universe is is beautiful and wonderful and You're gonna love today, you're gonna have a good time today. Oh me, huh, thanks, I love you. And she'll just say like random thing and it's just another jack-queen.
Speaker 2:Is that, is that part of the drag community, is that? Is that encouragement, that Lifting, lifting each other up?
Speaker 1:you know, I, I, I'm. Unfortunately, drag is very competitive. Often I Steer clear from that kind of energy. Okay you know, it's kind of like a space where you know we're drag queens and work, work queer and but not all drag queens are queer. Yes, that's true.
Speaker 2:I just know I want, I went, I'm I'm not kind of set, I'm just actually kind of a question that's, but I read that as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes like you know, maddie Morphosis is a very. She got on drag race season 14. Yes she was a first-ever straight drag queen to ever do the show and and something about like the way she describes it is that it's her art and and she's learned a lot about our community doing drag, oh, even if she's not, she's not queer herself just like on the show.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's about stepping into somebody else's shoes, mm-hmm, so to speak. Yeah, and they're all spiked, you know? Yeah, I'm somebody else's shoes edit edits.
Speaker 1:Uh, you know I appreciate a lot about her for her for that, because you know, oftentimes when you're a minority you need someone up the majority to bring attention to things. Oh, I want to talk more about, like, the first few drag queens I've interacted with. Like I already talked about them earlier. I wasn't really finished Because they've affected me in many, many, many Good, positive ways. I've learned a lot about things like just humanly things. You know how to take care of one another.
Speaker 1:Yeah you know consent. You know being okay to be not okay. Okay, you know being being putting your foot down when when need be a lot of confidence. I've learned from these people and and it was something I really really needed back then I was like a shell just walking around, vanessa, and it was just like it was it felt like I was putting a mask on oh.
Speaker 2:You weren't being you, I wasn't being me.
Speaker 1:You know, and I learned how to be myself because these people encouraged me to do so. And going back to like our dude, the drag community, like it can't be very competitive. But you know, and we might not like each other, you know, often we might not like each other all the time, but if someone was harassing me in front of these people, even if they don't like me, I know they'll step in. You know I might not like you but I'll defend you and someone's being a F*** to you Is that community? That is community. Yes, you know. So you know we're a very small population of people. I think we're only like 10% or something like that.
Speaker 2:What are you talking about?
Speaker 1:I'm talking chugging 10% of queer people who happen to be drag queens. Okay, drag okay, you know, we, we often stick up for each other because there's so little of us right. You know, and often drag queens are the most fiery. No no you know it's, it's a.
Speaker 2:It's a. It's a visual protest. I'd like to say oh, that's what I like too. I see that as well. I see the tell me this is just after our conversations. I see a Drag artist, the hair and the incredible makeup and the clothing and the colors and the kind of the over-the-top. I see it, like you just said, as a visual protest or as a visual Look at me. Yeah, I look at me.
Speaker 1:I'm, I'm worthy to be seen mm-hmm, and and you can you if, if you're any ounce of something like this, you have a community here. I, I'm your community. I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna take care of. Feel welcome and loved, and loved.
Speaker 2:And isn't that what we all want?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and and drag is is like it's like a homing beacon. Often, at least in my experience, we're like knights and shining armor. You feel safe where there's drag if you're queer. Oftentimes, and especially like the community now, like with drag, and I'm very involved in the scene now. I Love my home bar. I love Everyone who goes in there. Everyone who comes to see the shows enjoy themselves, support the establishment, love who they are, and In a building full of people who love who they are and you've been there too- Remember, you can't miss your show.
Speaker 2:I have.
Speaker 1:Did you not have fun?
Speaker 2:Had a blast. I had a blast and I felt the love that you're talking about. It's love and it's. I didn't feel awkward there. I didn't feel in terms of even for me as a, as a straight woman, going into it, into the bar, any bar. I didn't feel weird, you know, because at any bar sometimes you feel weird because Because the people's energies and you know all the things that are happening in bars, yes, I felt great there. I felt accepted there.
Speaker 1:And you?
Speaker 2:we don't care that you're a straight woman, yeah and I felt that it was great and you didn't care that I was there enjoying myself. It was great. It's a good experience, yeah yeah, and I Get to.
Speaker 1:I'm lucky enough to get to experience that often.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can see now why, alex, I Understand as I listen to the depths of your story. I Can see now how you can say drag, save your life. Yeah, it's, I Can see that.
Speaker 1:It's amazing. You know I don't know what the hell I'd be doing. You know I get to, I have an outlet when I can express my art, express myself, with other people doing the same thing, and this beautiful little building I love for decades and I love everyone there. We always just encourage each other, always, all the time. Nothing with positivity from what I've experienced, love it and, you know, after coming out of my depression, and it's been nothing but smiles often, as much, as much, as many smiles as I can get, often.
Speaker 2:Thank you for sharing your story, alex. Yeah, I think. I think the conversation we had amongst the plants that one day Was right on To come to this point.
Speaker 1:You're talking about the tilbaghia, the car.
Speaker 2:It was that a whole time that we were talking about Gosh. Could we? Could this be a one of the podcasts? How could we do this? Because you know, the podcast has that kind of you know, amazing people doing incredible things in the world and and I was Not that I wasn't not sold, but the idea I couldn't figure out how. But the story tells itself. Your story is really beautiful. Your story is really amazing and I hope that the listeners feel what I have felt from you, because I can see this change that's come over you.
Speaker 2:So the story that we briefly talked about, that one day amongst the plants, yeah you know, as we're moving things around, smelling, looking and really being in the plants that idea that we had to bring this story forward. I'm really grateful we did. I'm really grateful we did and I really appreciate you and thank you.
Speaker 1:I know we're good friends. Yeah, I.
Speaker 2:So appreciated Alex's vulnerability and his willingness to put it all out there. I Understand his statement more clearly now about how drag saved his life. I had lots of wows. I didn't know that type of moments. I'm so proud of you, alex, and so honored to have been able to support you and sharing your story. If you want to learn more, need somewhere to talk to or need some help, there are groups that can that you can call on. We'll have websites listed on the two chicks in a whole website for you. You're not alone. Listeners, please help share Alex's beautiful expression of his love for his community and himself by sharing his story. Thanks, as always, for taking a listen. Take care everyone.