[00:00:00] Dr. Nate Salah
Hello, my friend, and welcome to this episode of A Call to Leadership. I'm Dr. Nate Salah, your host. I am so glad you are here. Well, we are in the midst of a series on leadership that matters leadership that embraces a quality that most people don't talk about in leadership realms. They don't talk about it in business. They don't talk about it in family. They don't talk about it in life. It's the ability to lead. Through love and so we're talking about different attributes of love. We're looking at old scriptures In the book of 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, verses 4 through 8, it's giving the attributes and the characteristics of love. And when we look at it from the perspective of leadership, when we say leadership is patient, leadership is kind, leadership does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, and so on, it begins to paint a picture of actions that we can emulate to have a more effective leadership journey. A more fulfilling leadership journey and a more rewarding leadership journey.
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Dare I say, a more impactful leadership journey. So, I invite you to join me on this journey as we continue our conversation around each of these characteristics. We've talked about patience. We've talked about kindness. And on our third installment of each individual attribute, we're moving from what it is to what it's not. And the third characteristic. Is a characteristic that many of us have experienced in our journey. It is debilitating. It can destroy us. It will definitely keep us to leading effectively and serving well. It's the characteristic called envy. Envy is a massively challenging issue. I've faced it in my own life. I'm going to share some stories around that, and I'm going to tell you about the ways envy becomes perilous in our leadership journey and the ways we can become free from it so that we can lead in ways that are unimaginably attractive, worthwhile, and achievable. We can start with this idea of envy.
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Think of envy as a plight, if you will, that consumes you. Now I tell you a story once upon a time in a city far, far away, there lived a man whose name was Ethan, and Ethan was defined by his ambition. He was driven to succeed in everything he did, but beneath the facade of confidence. Was a deep rooted feeling of envy. In fact, it consumed him. It consumed his thoughts, it poisoned his business endeavors, his relationships with his family, with his friends, and really engulfed his perception of life. Listen friend, that Ethan was me. Man, I tell you what, I was living in a place that I had bitter emotion that arose when others possessed something I desired and it took hold of my own heart. In my pursuit of success, I constantly compared myself to others. Have you ever done that? Have you ever measured your worth in relationship to someone else's? Because here's the thing, there was always someone ahead, someone more accomplished, someone seemingly happier. And I would look at another entrepreneur, for example, and I was struggling.
[00:03:23]
When I first got started, I didn't know what I was doing. And if you've listened to any of the episodes, you know, and I was in over my head. I started out with nothing as a family, single mom. She had some business activities, some successes. I learned a little bit from her and I learned from the school of hard knocks and I was in such bad shape in business when I was a young entrepreneur, 21, 22, 23, I was in so deep of debt. I was financially illiterate. I was literally illiterate, if you will. I was enslaved to my own vices. Maybe you can identify with some of that. Maybe you can't, but I was in a bad place. And I would see other entrepreneurs who were doing better and on the outside. I was happy for him. Good job way to go. But then I see the cool cars they were driving and the life they had and I was envious. I compared myself and I wanted what they had and it's not enough by the way. Envy is not enough just to want what others have. Envy takes it a step further. Envy is when you want to take what they have. In other words, you would be happier if they had less and you had more.
[00:04:29]
Okay. That is so unhealthy because it's a real sense of unhealthy competition. And I would even go so far as to say contempt, contempt for peers, contempt for others. You know, where you resent achievements. I was resenting others achievements. I couldn't appreciate the hard work, the dedication. I would definitely support on the outside, but not really on the inside. I was fake. I focused solely on overtaking them, hoping it would bring some elusive satisfaction to what I craved. And maybe others to say, man, wow, you were just killing it. Congratulations, Nate. It's a really bad place to be. And you might be like shocked right now and think, well, Nate, really? Yeah, absolutely. Man, that place is a dark, lonely place. It's a shadowed place. And it's not just business. It can be other places too. You may have envy. You might have seen envy. People might have envied you in your family life. The relationships we hold most dear. There may be a situation where you have found yourself envying contentment of a sibling, or maybe a sibling is envying your contentment.
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Maybe You have been envying your sister's or your brother's successful parenting journey. Maybe the kids are doing better, right? Or maybe vice versa. Those are the kind of feelings that, that strain our connections in life. They can hinder, limit any kind of joy, the joyful moments that we could have shared. Again, maybe on the outside, everything's cool. But Envy Festers, friend, it creates a barrier that prevents us from celebrating the accomplishments and celebrating the happiness, the celebrating, the joy that are of those closest to us, and it's debilitating because. We can't ever be released from that bondage unless we come to this profound realization. We have to come to a realization that our constant comparison, our constant envy, will not only diminish our own happiness, but they affect everyone around us. Even in the ancient story in the garden, this idea of envy is festering early on because it is about, hey, you know what, you deserve to be like God.
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That was the serpent's promise, if you will, in the garden. If you believe in the garden, right? You might believe it's just a story. Irrelevant? The point is, is that there is a pathway that is a slippery slope that unless we're determined to change and really embark on a journey of self-discovery, a journey of personal growth, We're going to be locked in that bondage and it will destroy if you've ever watched a TV show, American greed, and I've talked about it before on the show. There's stories that it reveals how envy becomes a disease. I watched an episode where these attorneys were fighting for a malpractice suit for some medical issues. They got their plaintiffs. Multi multi-millions of dollars. And so the attorney's got a third of it, but that wasn't enough. They wanted more of what the plaintiffs had. So they created a shell nonprofit for the plaintiffs, by the way, they were the ones who were injured. Donate to that nonprofit. For the attorneys to then turn around and steal their money through this fake nonprofit. It was during that episode that I realized that it's a disease. This greed that's set upon by envy, it's a disease.
[00:07:57]
It has to loosen its grip. We have to allow ourselves to be released from its grip. And I think one of the ways we do that, friend, is simply by practicing an attitude. Of gratitude. Really? We have to release that grip. We have to shift the focus from what we don't have to appreciating all the blessings present in our lives. We have to have a newfound perspective that allows us to see beyond the limitations and the bondage set by envy. That's one of the most powerful ways. to release ourselves from this debilitating disease and for it to release its grip and then truly and deeply and sincerely and genuinely begin to support and uplift those around us. You know, reach out to others, whether it be another entrepreneur to offer advice, assistance, don't expect anything in return. Instead of competing against our peers, let's collaborate. Let's build a network of inspiring individuals who share our passion for success. In fact, I used to teach a class years ago about competitive advantage.
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And it was actually part of the title of the book was crafting and executing a strategy, the quest for competitive advantage. That was the title of the book. And I was convicted by that brand. I eventually said, you know what? I don't want to compete anymore. I don't want what my fellow entrepreneurs have. I don't want to be envious for what they have. So I want to collaborate with them. I changed the focus of the text in this course. And I said, no, it's not about competition. It's about collaboration. It's not about taking from them. It's about finding the best fit for us. Today. I don't call people who other people are in my industry competitors. I don't call other coaches competitors. I don't call other accounting firms competitors. I don't call any other business advisors or consultants competitors. I call them colleagues. They're all my colleagues in your industry, whether you're in construction, you're in restaurant, whether you're in home innovation, whatever industry you're in, they're colleagues.
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They're not competitors. I don't want what they have. Don't take, don't desire to be envious and take what they have. I know it's counterintuitive to think, well, isn't competition? Isn't that what we are? Are we all in competition for the same dollar? No, there's lots of dollars out there. Not every dollar needs to be for me. I want my colleagues in my industries to be able to feed their families. I want them to be able to pay their employees a fair and decent weight. I want them to be able to provide benefits and services and experiences for their customers. I want them to thrive. Now ask me that 30 years ago, and I don't think I would have said it exactly as I said it now, but if I had said it. It wouldn't have been true. It would have been a lie. And if it was behind closed doors, I'd say, no, I want them to struggle like me and I want to overcome. Let's stop the competition. It's antithetical. I know it's counterintuitive. Let's focus on building a network of inspiration. I love communicating with my colleagues, other people in my industry. I love sharing. Hey, let me tell you about some. I'll tell and you tell me about some. In fact, I had a wonderful meeting about a year ago with one of my colleagues in the industry worked in another state and I was sharing our model for creating an effective and successful culture because that was an area that we were strong in and how we bring people in.
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And share this grand vision of what we want to accomplish to get people behind a shared sense of value for a worthy cause, hiring practices and so on and so forth and training. And my colleague shared a system of software that he was using for tax advisory and consulting and planning. And so we exchanged ideas. That's called communication. Because we were not in competition with one another. We were in collaboration and both of us had a transformation, a remarkable transformation in areas that we had opportunity in. He embodied some of the concepts and the constructs I used, development of my team. I was able to take advantage of some of the benefits of the software systems he was using. Neither of us have had trouble eating because the other one was taking our business after that. Now, both of us actually had incremental and even exponential growth later because we were able to collaborate where envy sought to destroy, collaboration sought to build. That's the power of shifting. That's an amazing shift in the mind in the business realm.
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What about family? Think about an equally remarkable transformation. You know, when we have a loved one. Who has an achievement, a milestone, maybe there's a marriage, maybe there's a child born, maybe there's a new job. Maybe someone is moving away and they're embarking on their own journey, maybe it's a child of yours and your child is leaving this state and moving to a new state. And you say, you have my blessing, I want to celebrate that achievement. I want to give you my blessing and go and do well. Don't live in envy. Replace that envy with love. Replace that envy with support. And rediscover the journey of being a part of someone else's happiness. I mean, embrace it. I had to realize that the success of others doesn't diminish my own. It rather enriches it because then my connections are fostered with nurturing positive energy with love and care. And that's going to ripple friend, that's going to ripple over time because over time my envy that Shift rippled through all aspects of my life. And my business began to thrive as I learned to appreciate and learned from others.
[00:13:59]
My relationships deepened as I found a deep comfort in celebrating accomplishments of others. And for you, your happiness, my happiness will flourish as we embrace a mindset grounded in gratitude, grounded in compassion, and let these stories serve as a lesson to inspire. When envy knocks at our door, let us be reminded that there's a path toward change. Let us be reminded to choose gratitude over comparison. Let us support over competition. Let us love over Envy, and I would encourage you and myself, embrace the success of others. May it be a testament to what is possible rather than a cause for resentment. Eliminate that from the purview because what we can do is we can open ourselves to a world where everyone's accomplishments becomes a source of inspiration, it becomes a source to motivate. The journey's not easy, it wasn't easy for me, but the rewards are immeasurable. The rewards are for us. To share in the gratitude and the love as leaders in our organizations, in our families, in our lives, we don't need to have a scarcity mentality. A scarcity mentality says there's just not enough to go around.
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I've got to hold on to mine. I've got to take yours. No, reject the scarcity mentality, reject the mentality of poverty. Embrace the abundance mindset. Embrace the abundance approach that there is more than enough of the possibilities. for progress to go around. Let us share in that progress, share in the possibilities, share in releasing the envy in favor of compassion, caring, support, releasing comparison, and moving into a place of collaboration. Well, my friend, we did it again. I'm so glad you joined me on this episode of A Call to Leadership. If you've been with me on the show, listening in, you'll know this, but if you're new, you may not know that I created a free course for you that you don't need to provide an email address. You don't need to go anywhere, but to stay right here in the podcast. I created the very first six episodes of the podcast because I wanted you to have the kind of value that you need to take advantage of to thrive as a leader. If you haven't done that yet, listen to episodes one through six, and I'll see you on the next episode. I'm Dr. Nate Salah, and this is A Call to Leadership.
