A New Relationship with Time

What's your current relationship with time? Is it empowering? Does it feel balanced and harmonious? ⚖️

Mine didn't. 

It was deeply interwoven with my relationship to achievement. And it wasn't until I created the time for self discovery, healing and lots of self love, that I  started taking more time for digestion, reflection and enjoying what's already been created.

This new relationship with time has brought me so much more clarity and peace in my life.

❣️My loving key 🔑takeaway from this episode is this...

To receive the  permission and encouragement to slow down, integrate experiences, and enjoy the present moment rather than always rushing to the next achievement or goal.

🌐Links to mentions:  Xenia Instagram & Frequency Artist

Want to connect? Find me on theblueprintbyjz.com or Instagram

Have a question or topic request? I love answering your burning questions and discussing what you're passionate about. Think of me as your "down to talk about anything" in-house executive coach.

Send all questions and topic requests to hello@theblueprintbyjz.com

Transcript

Jessie Anne Zayas: 0:01

Hello, and welcome. This is Jessie Anne Zayas with self love stories. And today I am dropping in with some January and February reflections. So last time we spoke, it was January Post New Years. And I shared an invitation to have time and space to integrate. You know, I think in our culture in our society, a lot of times, I mean, quite literally right, in the new year, we talked about New Year's resolutions and having that clarity at the first of the year, and being ready to just, you know, jumpstart and create all that shift and transformation from day one. And quite honestly, in my own journey and my own experience. A January, New Year, February time is still even just biologically, for me a time of slow and steady, it's the winter season. You know, in the past decade, I've lived you know, a lot in like the northeast, also in the Midwest, so Chicago, New York City, and, you know, really experiencing those winters and that slow movement. And it was always interesting to me that, you know, you know, you would come with this quote, unquote, summer energy into winter. And when I released kind of this expectation to jump in, you know, and be ready in that new year, I realized I actually created more space and clarity. So that's kind of what I want to share is, you know, my relationship to time from a self love perspective, and how trusting myself how releasing control, and through self discovery and healing, how I've created a more expansive, playful, nourishing relationship with time. So, before I dive into this, kind of, you know, I'll call it this my new world, my existing world. You know, my old world used to look very much destination oriented, achievement oriented. So what do I mean by that? So quite literally, you know, I was raised by military parents, I think even energetically, there was a lot of, you know, what's the goal what's the outcome? What are you doing, you know, don't waste time you're moving like pond water is literally a phrase I was told a lot as a child and that in your moving like molasses there was always this quote, unquote, I guess belief to always maximize time and that we didn't have enough time. And that time needed to be spent in quote, unquote, the right way, a productive way. In things like leisure play fun, were carved out, you know, and only for these times and and as you can imagine, that robbed a lot of opportunities for spontaneity, for truly replenishing, you know, nourishing and quite honestly regulating my nervous system. But, you know, child, you know, growing up with parents that also Hey, they're doing the best that they know, based on, you know, their culture and their upbringing. So anyways, I share that because even through that energy and space, just even my own personality, which Hello Capricorn stellium Taurus stellium there's a lot of this gusto to like, achieve accomplish, but not from a monetary perspective is what I've realized through the years when I've reflected on this, like need to achieve and accomplish. It's honestly from a need to know like, know, what's next. Then what, then what, then what, and my yearning of learning and quite honestly, figuring out life is what I realized was the pole. But I really didn't realize that, you know, of course, like if we kind of went back right, was just kind of, you know, in the framework of my upbringing. So now if I move in To like, my 20s You know, I'm in corporate America. And you know, I'm, you know, from 21 to I want to say about 2728 I go from, you know, starting green marketing manager to us VP of Marketing at a publicly traded company in New York City. So, again, a lot of movement, a lot of achieving a lot of wanting to know wanting to learn everything know all the concepts of marketing and, and corporate life, quite honestly. Because, you know, if you're in that space, and in that world, it's a whole different freakin world. And my poor parents hadn't, you know, again, military parents had no clue about that world. I mean, even down to, you know, insurance, you know, I was in TRICARE, I mean, you know, never paid for any doctor's appointment, and every prescription was $3. I mean, I had a reality check, even when, you know, picking out my insurance premium. So, anyways, I share that all because, again, that energy of achievement and going and going and just learning and learning and learning and wanting to find this answer in this old world that I was living in was getting to this destination. But where, and I think that was that, you know, aha moment for me, because that was my tower moment. A, I mean, from an astrological perspective, literally, my, you know, my, my Saturn Return. And, you know, secondly, you know, when you rush, rush, rush, go, go, go, go get get get get get, and you don't even realize where you're going to and what you're trying to accomplish. I mean, I would, you know, assert to say, that's going to be anybody's tower moment, because now you're up on the top, and you're just like looking down and you're like, where am I? Who am I? What did I even want here, I'm not happy, I'm not fulfilled. I thought this was going to feel different, I thought this experience was going to maybe even look different. But I don't even know how that looks. So that was, again, my old world of just going rushing, getting to somewhere, because I thought that somewhere was going to maybe be better, or I don't know. Like it again, I didn't even know what it was, I think it was like, you know, a similar moment of like, I was so excited, like, if I take this back to like high school, and go and so I literally graduated high school in three years in college in three years, again, rushing, rushing, rushing, because again, I was so excited for what to get a job because I thought getting a job would be the coolest freakin thing. And that was gonna be my next level of freedom, right. And I remember my first day at work working at a supply chain logistics company in Houston, Texas as a marketing coordinator. And I was sitting at the desk and I spent my first eight hours in an office. And I was like, What the fuck, this is going to be the rest of my freakin life. Like just sitting in a cubicle. Looking at a computer, it was like this a little bit of like this dystopian, I remember it being like this, like out of body experience almost for a moment, and it kind of really kind of rattled me. Because again, like, you know, if you remember, in college, you know, you had kind of more freedom in your schedule. You're you weren't behind a screen all day. Unless, I mean, maybe if you're, you know, you're certain degree, you know, was like maybe computer sciences, I don't know. But at least for me, you know, it was socialization it was, you know, freedom of your schedule. It was, you know, you know, electing to the things that you were interested in, even right, in, I felt like, again, a sense of, like, again, I rushed to get to somewhere, because I thought it was maybe going to be better in some way. Maybe even more expansive. And then I'm just here in this new world, and I'm just, I'm like, No, this is not for me. So anyways, same parallel to fast forward in New York City, you know, quote, unquote, I got to the top of sitting at the table, and I was just like, This is it. This is what I've been racing ticket to. I don't want this I thought I wanted to be a CMO I thought I wanted you know, to be sitting at this table having these responsibilities, but I'm actually less creative here. I am not doing the work that used to expand me. I feel more lonely up Hear, I don't like these people up here. All these things. So anyways, that was my old world and my relationship to time, which was very a rush, rush, rush, rush rush and not slowing down to smell the roses and really relishing in all of the beautiful achievements and micro achievements, which, you know, I don't want to say have any regrets. But of course, when I look back with compassion and empathy, like I understand, like, again, you know, through my naivety, I thought, you know, I was I was genuinely going somewhere, or that I thought I wanted to go. But I now realize I really didn't sit with and be present with all the amazing things that I did accomplish at such a young age. And so I'm even now in this process, going back to remember and sit with and acknowledge and celebrate and really, you know, sit with all those amazing accomplishments. And I guess that gets me to this new world, where it's trusting the journey, loving and enjoying the journey, and realizing that that is what life is a journey, there is no destination. Yeah, there's going to be these places we want to get to are these milestones that maybe we want and desire. And that's so beautiful, because that's part of the human experience. But that's not what it's about getting it, it's really the journey of getting there. And then also enjoying once you're there to and really sitting with it and being present and add in through this new learning. And sitting in this new world. I've been able to play with time more. And through playing with time, I've been able to access so much more flow and freedom. And I kind of have, you know, split time into this. And I love this. This is also coming in a beautiful time where I've actually joined this amazing program by this wonderful human being Xenia. And I hope I'm pronouncing that right Samia, and I will link their profile in the notes. And they are putting on such an incredible frequency artists program. And through that program, we've been playing with time and finding ways to play with time. And when I was in her office hours the other day, she referenced multiple time, and I just love that so much right like this muggle time versus I would even say my flow time, my creative time, my spiritual time, my dream time, my play time, my self discovery time, you know, my wonderment time, you know, there's my quote, unquote, muggle life, you know, my nine to five, my 3d world, you know, where I sometimes put a little bit more structure around it. Now I'm in this new world that I live in. And what I mean by that is, you know, old me spend so much time over analyzing an email or the way that I wrote this and that and now I know, Hey, I like to spend less time on email. So I'll put a timer on literally for like five minutes, like, how much time do I want to spend on this email, two minutes, five minutes, so on and so forth. And then things that I love, like the creative exploration, the marketing r&d, the creating concepts and mood boards and creating guests experience flows, like those are the things that love doing and my nine to five so you know, that's times I honestly, I unleashed time and allow myself to flow when it's been hours and I love and and I feel so in a way juiced up from that. So I play with my quote, unquote muggle time, by creating a little bit more structure and boundaries about the things that quite honestly deplete me of energy, and then allow my muggle time to enter twine with that creative and flowy time by, you know, finding those moments. For example, in my nine to five that really unleash my creativity that I love to spend, you know, so it's like finding that joy wherever you're at and playing with time to lean into that and things that are maybe depleting you of energy or not expanding you not nourishing, how can you how can you play with that time? How can you find a little bit more balance around that? Because we're all going to experience that too. We're all going to end up being in meetings or situations traffic even right, like places that you know, that deplete us of energy and that we don't want to be within total quote, don't want to waste our time at. So again, the way we balance that is by bringing in more of how we want to spend our time So again, in my old world, you know, before I embarked on this journey of healing and self discovery, and really cultivating more self love in my life, which was that milestone marker, you know, around 28 years old, was in right? Around 28. But also, I would say, you know, really went into 2020, with so many other people, right, I've just like read and thinking about life in a deeper, deeper, deeper, more meaningful way. And, you know, I know I'm not alone in this, but I think we've all kind of, you know, and if we kind of sit with it for a moment, we all experience so much death and transformation around us, you know, even if it didn't happen in our own families, it definitely happened in the circles and communities we were in. And I think, for any community, society, person to experience, death and grief, you start really connecting with your own mortality and your own relationship with time and how you're spending your time. And, you know, I think that was my big aha moment that I now want to get to and share with you all this week. And it's, again, taken time and movement, but also stillness for me to come to this conclusion about what I really want to cultivate in 2024. And what my intentions are for 2024. In the interesting thing about it is, it's it's essentially the message that I shared with y'all last time, which is, I'm really at a place of integration. You know, I'm coming up on a year of my soul battle, you know, where I was so fortunate and blessed to travel around different places in the world, spend, you know, a month in Torino, Italy, Paris, France, Buddha, Pash, you know, spend, you know, three months in Mexico. And through that beautiful, nourishing time, there's so much wisdom and so much learning and just so much just inciting experiences that, you know, my heart and soul is yearning to share, because I really want so many other people to experience this. And I'm also realizing I'm still synthesizing a lot of it, like it's still percolating and still deepening and I think again, that's my, my new relationship to, to life. It's, it's, it's this double helix, in a way, it's a spiral, you know, it's, the more I know, the less I know, the more I know, less. I know, like, it's kind of, again, going around and around and around. But in a beautiful way, it's always going up. It's always transcending and even the times that I feel like I don't know, I do know. And the more that I sit with that, and also release this expectation to control, knowing the answer and getting clarity right then in there, it will always come to me like cultivating self trust that I do know the answer and through time and patience, and you know, honestly, cultivating play cultivating joy, cultivating peace, cultivating calm, because knowing in that frequency is where I gained the best clarity from not in a frequency of fear or scarcity. Right, like that's, that is not where I gain my truest wisdom or my inner truth, if you will. So, yeah, I think that's kind of where I want to leave us for today is this new clarity that I have that for this year, I want it to be a year of integration and digestion of just really, really looking at all my Journal notes. Were looking at all my pictures, you know, even from again, going back to my journals from 2020 You know, going back to my journal from when was it 2019 When I was you know, journaling in a piazza in Italy like having my Eat Pray Love moment, like who am I? What do I want? You know, all those things. I mean, I mean, y'all I was even to the point like what am I good at? Like I didn't even like I didn't even felt like I knew myself but again, I hadn't given myself time to really look at myself witness myself, observe myself see all this beautiful For life that I lived, it was so looking at that, you know, like looking out looking into the future that I wasn't even looking around and just taking up everything that was in my space and really relishing in that. So my invitation is that you can have years of not quote unquote, accomplishing things. And what I mean by that is, you know, if you experience like I have experience, living life from a way of accomplishing or having goals, so Right, like I was even this year, right, I was even like, Okay, what I want to do with my business, what do I want to do with my nine to five? What do I want to do? You know, with my spiritual work with my healing work, what do I want to do with women's circle that I've co created? You know, what do I want to do with the podcast, like, again, I was like, going into this doing mode. And everything in my being everything in my intuition was like, I just want to soak up everything. Like, I want to soak up the here. And now I want to soak up this past year, like, I'm still like, like I said, I'm still just, you know, I'm still like, consuming all the beautiful nectar honestly, from that experience, this past year of traveling, and just being and witnessing myself in a whole new light. And I really want to honor and respect this moment in my life, this time in my life, that I want to sit with that, and I want to honor it, and I want to harvest it. And when I even say that I don't think I've ever created that time in my life to synthesize to, to digest to harvest to really be with memories and thoughts and philosophies that I have in, reintegrate them, reread them, resynthesize them, I'm used to just again, going for more new knowledge and more new things and more, more, again, new, new new in versus kind of going back and really synthesizing all this richness that I already do know. And getting deeper with that, because I know when I get deeper with that. It's like, it's like the whole I guess, right now what's coming up. For me, it's like this visual of the whole, you know, how a diamond is created, right? It's like, it's not just going to pick up another thing. And another thing, another thing, it's really holding on to this one, you know, chemical compound, this mineral compound, and with you know, pressure and, you know, with synthesizing and alchemy going on, it creates this beautiful jam raid. And yeah, I'm just present to just Alka maizing. I think that's the word maybe that's where I wanted to get to with that is I really want to alchemize this time, because I know it's going to be so much gold. And I don't want to rush to the next thing or go to the next accomplishment when that doesn't feel right, right now. In a way I already know. And I feel this so deep in my bones, that by honoring this epiphany that I have, it feels so good to take this year to integrate to reread my notes, re listen to my audio notes to look at my pictures from this past year. And just remember the memories and the emotional states that I've been in that, quote unquote, all these things I want to accomplish, I am going to actually get clarity on what the heck I want to accomplish, because that's the first thing. And the second thing is it's going to like happen, like I know it's just going to like unfolds like I'm going to probably get invitations for things or again, I'm going to get like crazy downloads and clarity. So again, it's that balance of knowing when to maybe move rate and move with time and maybe that looks like action and creating plans and you know, again, taking those steps in sometimes playing with time stillness is presence. It's cultivating peace, calm joy. And the last kind of like visuals that I'll leave y'all with is like do you know like when you've when you're like taking a shower, and you feel like so at peace and so at calm, and then all of a sudden you get like the best downloads and like the best ideas. It's like that right? And then you get out of the shower and you Start thinking about it. You're like, Okay, what am I? What was it? What was it and you almost kind of like lose it. But then maybe you're like cooking later or doing something else that's like very peaceful and relaxing. And then you're like, Oh, I remember. And then now you're like closer to Notepad and you can like, write it down. It's like that. It's if you find those moments of peace and calm, and trust yourself that you know the answer and is going to come to you like, also don't fight it. Because I also feel like the same example with a shower. Like, the more you think about and you're like, Oh, I can't remember why can't remember and you start like judging yourself and like shaming yourself around it. And then you're like, No, I'll never remember that brilliant idea. Like you can you feel that energy. It's so different. It's like, okay, trust that you're going to know it. Trust that the next peaceful, joyful thing that you do. Those epiphanies and clarities are going to come and play with time in that way, is my invitation. So all that to say, I'm gonna pause here. Hopefully, this all made sense that I just, you know, just had this download today and this epiphany today and just really felt shared up sorry, I really felt called to share and kind of offer permission in a way that you don't have to have a year of milestones or goals or achievements. It can be a year of enjoying relishing, integrating, harvesting, things that you've already planted and grown and enjoying that doesn't have to be the new thing or the next thing. Okay, well, I'll leave you there sending so much love so much joy, so much peace to your life, sending that frequency through. And we'll talk soon. Bye