Getting After It

119 - The Story You Tell Yourself Becomes Your Life

• Brett Rossell • Season 4 • Episode 119

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Welcome back to the Getting After It podcast. In today’s episode, I break down a concept that’s reshaped how I view everything—from daily routines to long-term goals: “Life is what you think of it.”

Inspired by a raw, honest TikTok video, I unpack what it really means when we say “the way you see yourself is how the world reflects you back.” This episode is all about reframing your mindset, confronting that harsh inner critic, and taking back control of your responses—especially when life doesn’t go your way.

We dive into Stoic wisdom from Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus, discuss the power of journaling, and talk through practical tools for silencing negative self-talk and turning thought into action. I’ll also share how I reframed a “missed workout” into one of the most meaningful days I’ve had in a while—and how you can do the same.

Whether you’re feeling stuck, doubting yourself, or just trying to gain momentum again, this episode will help you rewire your perspective, build evidence over affirmation, and take the next small, honest step forward.

Key Learnings from This Episode:

  1. You become how you talk to yourself.
    The world reflects back the version of yourself you believe in. Speak like someone worth becoming.
  2. Pause. Reflect. Reframe. Respond.
    When things don’t go your way, use the 3 R’s to regain control and act with clarity—not emotion.
  3. Self-confidence isn’t built on hype—it’s built on proof.
    You don’t need more affirmations; you need evidence. Stack small wins. Show yourself who you are.
  4. There are two voices in your head.
    One wants comfort. One wants greatness. The one you feed is the one that leads.
  5. You are not your missed workouts.
    You are not your fatigue. You are your response to those moments. That’s where identity is formed.
  6. Your story becomes your behavior.
    And your behaviors, when repeated, become your habits. Reframe your story and your life will follow.

🎧 If this episode helped you reframe your thinking or silence a negative voice in your head—share it with someone you care about. Leave a rating or drop a comment. It goes a long way.

And as always, until next time…
Keep Getting After It.

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This podcast is built for you—the dreamers and the doers. My goal is to provide a space where you can find inspiration, learn from others, and feel empowered to chase what matters most to you.

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Brett:

Welcome back to the Getting After it podcast. Everybody Excited to have you here today. I'm going to be talking about something that kind of reshaped how I think about reality and life in general. And it turns out it's all how you think about things. Life is what you think about it, and we'll get into that a little bit more. But without further ado, let's get after it.

Brett:

Tiktok a useless, weird social media platform that has no quality, right wrong. No, that's actually where this entire episode came from was TikTok. I was scrolling the other day, uh, just sitting there and went through a few videos, and I found this one where it was this 38 year old man and he was just out in like in front of his yard and he was just talking about things that he he's learned through his 38 years of experience and it's the kind of stuff that's learned through bumps and bruises and not books and it's life experience and it was interesting because you could tell it was very honest, it was very raw and the main message he was trying to get across to the entire audience he was trying to reach was the way you truly see yourself is how the world will reflect it back. I'm going to repeat that, because that's the cornerstone of our topic today. The way you truly see yourself is how the world will reflect it back. What does that mean? It sounds like a big self-help jargon, right Like something Tony Robbins would say at his conferences. But when we break it down, when we dig into what that actually means, there's a lot of truth behind what that is Like. Yes, if you see yourself as a sad, weak, unproductive human being, guess what the world's going to say that it's going to reflect that same thing back to you.

Brett:

But if you think you're a confident person who's amped up when challenges arises, because it's an opportunity for you to learn, for you to grow, and when things don't go your way, you realize, hey, you know what? Life is unpredictable. I can't control everything that happens to me, but I can control how I respond. Now it hit me because for the last few years I've been on this quiet mission, not to dominate the world but to master myself. And it's not glamorous, it is slow and repetitive and it's unseen work. And the older I get, the more I realize that the hardest battle isn't outside, it's not from external challenges that are imposed upon us. Usually it's internal. And of course there's some caveats to that, like sickness or a loved one dies, something like that. That's not necessarily imposed upon you or anything like that, but something you have to deal with, and it's something that's very difficult. But the battle that I'm talking about is what goes on inside your head every single day, how you talk to yourself, how you treat yourself, and it might sound weird, like I don't really feel, like like I don't want to set, I don't want to be a self-help person, but this kind of topic is one that it would be covered by many self-help gurus quote unquote, and I'm not one of them. I'm just speaking from experience here and from learning about what I've taken from other people, and that's what we're going to be getting into today.

Brett:

Now, one of my favorite Stoics, marcus Aurelius. He says this you have power over your mind and not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. How do you find strength when you realize that you don't know what the world's going to throw at you? You don't know how life is going to go, and the only thing that you can control is how you respond to them. And so, in my eyes, that does give you a lot of power, because you are in control of your own responses. If things don't go your way, you don't have to get pissed off. You don't have to throw a ball at the wall and get pissed Like if someone cuts you off in traffic. Don't get mad. There's no reason to get mad. There's no reason to let that event ruin your day. And when you understand that you can't control other people, you can only control yourself. I think that's where a lot of growth happens, a lot of self growth.

Brett:

This is one that's kind of difficult to master and it's one I'm not perfect at I'll be honest here. But the Stokes weren't either, because they were human beings. We all feel emotions, and emotions are little things that our body are trying to tell us that something's either wrong or something is new, and we're not used to it. But they're not negative. Yes, there's sadness. Yes, there's hate. Yes, there's anger. Do you have to listen to those voices? No, we're going to get into that.

Brett:

But I want to talk about for a second the illusion of control. We grow up believing that control means changing what's around us. Right, control is hey, I have control over this person. If I like you, tell yourself if I can just tweak my job a little bit, or if I can get this person to act differently. If I can get one more thing done, then I'll be okay, then I'll be all right, I can take a break. But the Stoics, my favorite people, some of them, I think probably my wife and my family are my favorite people. But the Stoics are up there. They knew better. You cannot control the world. You can only control your response to the world.

Brett:

And I'll give you a very simple example, because this happened actually Monday of this week. Gave you a very simple example because this happened actually Monday of this week and I missed a workout. Whoop-de-doo, right. Oh, brett missed a workout, great, I did. I woke up late. I had to go to work. I went to go visit my grandma after work, who's in a retirement home. I took my wife out to dinner, and so I just I didn't have time to work out my wife out to dinner, and so I just I didn't have time to work out.

Brett:

Um, and that used to make me absolutely spiral into negative self-talk and telling myself I'm worthless. Like that voice inside my head would say things like man, you're lazy, you're starting to slip, you're a real fat ass, you are really not who you say you are huh, that voice. It gets cruel in my head. But when I took a step back and I looked at what actually happened that day, I stayed in bed and I cuddled with my wife, because we're doing distance somewhat now and then and it's an opportunity that we don't get a lot and so I stayed in bed and cuddled my wife. I had a great day at work. I crushed it at work. I went to go visit my grandma in her retirement home and spend some quality time with her, listen about her experiences living in California and just showing her that she's loved and her showing me love back. And then I took my wife out to dinner who's my favorite person in the world and the person who I love the most and shared a very heartfelt meal with her.

Brett:

You look me in the eyes and tell me what part of that day seems like a failure. Yes, I missed a workout and I could have let that completely ruin my day which it has in the past, I'm ashamed to say. But today, like that day, I was not gonna let that happen. Yes, things happen, workouts are missed, meals are slipped up on, but it's not the end of the world. You control how you respond to when things go wrong, and I wasn't going to let that hold me down. I was going to take the opposite approach and say, okay, how can I make this day better? Because, like I said, historically I would have been mad, pissed off and angry at myself the entire day. But it's a lesson that my wife has helped me learn is, yeah, things happen and your missed workout is not who you are.

Brett:

So if I was to give a tip on this, I would say create some kind of response ritual that you have Like next time something goes off track. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to pause for three minutes. It doesn't even have to be three minutes, it could be 30 seconds, but I want you to pause. I want you to reflect, reframe and then respond accordingly. You can call it the three R's reflect, reframe and respond but just take some time to sit with those thoughts. It's something that we don't do a lot now is taking time to pause, to slow down, to let things sit, because only then you can understand how you feel about them. It's not from going and trying to learn from other people about yourself. No, the only person that's going to teach you about yourself is you. You have to believe that and you have to know that that's true. So try doing that. Just pause and then reflect, reframe and respond to it.

Brett:

Now let's get back to the voice in the head, because it is something that needs to be addressed and we need to talk about it If you are going to be going down this path of self-development and growth and you building the person that you want to become. The voice in your head has a lot of power, and usually there's two voices in your head. There's one that is the natural man right, the person who wants to be lazy, who wants to sit around, who wants to eat that junk food, who wants things easy, like given to them. Everyone has that in them. Then there's the other voice. You know the voice that is your true self, who you know wants to do these things like work out, be great, do really well at work, be a great husband, be a great wife, a great parent, whatever your story is, and all those things I just just mentioned. They all take incredible effort, and so most people don't fail because outside circumstances. They fail because of the voice inside their head. They're listening to the wrong one. That voice.

Brett:

If left unchecked, it becomes a filter, like you look for what's broken and ignore what's actually working and then you call it reality, like go back to my workout example. You know what? I missed it. But if I kept ruminating on that thought all day long and telling myself that I was worthless, telling myself that I Might be slipping up and that I'm not who I am, I'm not who I say I am, that would have ruined everything. And let me be blunt, and that I'm not who I am, I'm not who I say I am that would have ruined everything. And let me be blunt If your inner voice is a bully, you're training yourself to lose. If you're bullying yourself, you're not going to get anywhere. And let me explain.

Brett:

David Senra, who's the host of the Founders Podcast he's the person that introduced to me the concept of belief comes before ability, pretty much saying that in order to achieve great goals, you need to first believe that it's even achievable in the first place. You need to first know that you're willing to put in the work and then do it Now. Yes, you have to believe in yourself and you have to also be honest with who you are and where you're at, because the job or like the fix, isn't going to be pretending that everything's great. The fix is noticing what's actually real. Your job is to silence that negative voice and your job is to train a better one. And when you recognize that inner voice in your head, that's that's telling you that you can't do something, that's shooting you down, not believing in you, you need to recognize that and put a stop to it immediately and you need to let that other voice take over.

Brett:

I love Joe Rogan has a concept that he talks about a lot and he says that there's two voices in his head. One is the inner bitch and the other is the general. The inner bitch wants him to be weak, he wants him to be soft, wants him to take it easy, and when he's in the gym and he's feeling that pressure from his workout and that difficulty of breathing a little extra harder, he wants to listen to that voice. But then the general comes in and says nope, get it done. Go, pick up that kettlebell, swing it around a little bit. We're not done here, go back and do the work. That's the general.

Brett:

There's these conflicting voices in our head all the time and you give power to the one that you listen to the most, like, for example, if I wake up and I have a good workout, like I'm feeling good throughout the day, but then something bad happens to me at work, like, maybe a call a sales call I have goes really bad. And I tell myself, man, maybe I'm not good at sales, maybe I need to go find something else to do because this is not the right career for me. And then I listened to that voice and another failure happens and it's like man, there we go. There's another sign I'm just not good at it, when in reality it's like that should be a signal for your other voice, for the general, to take over and say man, that did not go well. This is what I learned from it and here's how I'm going to attack moving forward. This is what I'm going to be doing in my life, moving forward because I learned some valuable lessons during that time.

Brett:

In that voice, you have to train yourself to listen to the right one. You don't want to listen to the one that's negative. You don't want to listen to the one that's telling you that you can't do something that you want to because you're afraid, or that you're not even an expert yet, that you're just beginning. The beginning is always the hardest part and being consistent is equally as challenging. But I think at the beginning of anything new that you do, there's a lot of self-doubt. And let me tell you, self-doubt is real. But it's not real unless you listen to it. When you tell yourself, man, I am not good at sales, and you listen to that voice, then it becomes truth. But if you listen to yourself saying, man, that was a rough call, here's what I'm going to do differently next time, that voice gives you power. That voice gives you a progress plan and then you can move forward with confidence that you're going to get better in the future.

Brett:

And this might sound cheesy, but I told my brother to do this because we hold each other accountable with our goals and all these things. So we focus on fitness because I, we, we hold each other accountable with our goals and all these things. So we, we focus on fitness, spiritual goals, financial goals and then personal goals. And we always have a weekly call where we, where we talk about these things together. And I was telling him how much I love journaling and journaling. The best way I can explain it, for me at least, is that it helps me understand how I think about things, situations, my days, certain topics, like when I want to learn more about stoicism. I'll learn it and then try and understand myself how I think about that thing. And so I was telling Drew this and he's like I don't really journal, that's not for me. And so I told him I was like that's fine, just write down things that went well for the day. Just write down a few things. Doesn't have to be that many, doesn't have to be anything super complex or really thought out. Just write a few things that went well that day, because this is going to help your brain train itself to see wins and not just problems. The problems will still be there, but doing this exercise will help you understand that there are solutions to those problems. Try it out. I guarantee you you will see some kind of benefit from doing a little exercise like this. It doesn't take a lot of time. It could take five minutes, it could take 30 seconds. You could pull out your phone, do a little audio message, be like hey, this is what went well for the day.

Brett:

I saved a bunny from a window. Well, which actually I did. That that was a really cool experience. I'll tell that after I do this example, I saved a bunny from a window. Well, I went and helped my friend who was moving his house and he was really thankful for it. I wrote down a few pages for my book that I'm writing had a great cause at work. I give me something simple as that. Or you could be like hey, you know what? I went to go see my son play his first t-ball game and he hit that ball and he didn't get out. That's a win. If you're a dad, that's a win. I'm not a dad, but I can understand that that would be sick. Yeah, so I did save a bunny from a window. Well, really quickly. I was in Utah and I heard something like tapping on my window and I was like what the heck was that? So I look in there and there's this little tiny bunny. And so I went inside the window. Well, I picked him up with my hand and then put him out there, saved the bunny. I just hope he comes back to my window. Well, um, getting back to the topic, we don't need to talk about bunnies, although it is Easter, so happy Easter everyone. Um, it's in a couple of days.

Brett:

Let's talk about evidence over affirmation. I've talked about this before. I've done the Alex Hormozy quote. You know you don't build self-confidence from shouting affirmations in the mirror. You build them by building an undeniable stack of proof that you are who you say you are. Didn't get that quote perfect, but it goes something along those lines. But it is true. You do not build self-belief by whispering these affirmations into the mirror. You build it by doing the work, especially when you do not feel like it.

Brett:

A lot of people ask me why I run. I do enjoy it. I think it's a great challenge. It's a great way for me to stay fit, but I think at the end of the day, I hate to run. It's difficult every single time. But that's why I run, because I know that if I can conquer that, if I can conquer that voice inside my head, that's like no, not today. You just ran 10 miles yesterday. Why do you have to run again today? Your body hurts. That ankle's been bothering you for a few days. Take it easy.

Brett:

I can't listen to that, because if I want to build confidence in myself that I can show up even when I don't want to, even when I'm tired, even when I'm sore, then that'll tell me a little bit more about myself and I'll have more confidence going forward that I can do the things that are in front of me even when I don't want to. It's also why I write, so I have clear thoughts, so I understand how I think and so I understand who I am as a person. That's why I do this podcast. One, so I can get better. Two, so hopefully you can learn something from it and we can build each other up through this. And three, because, one, it's something that is difficult to do All the work that goes into preparing these podcasts, the research, the writing, the studying and then the actual editing and talking and everything.

Brett:

It's a lot of work and there are days when I'm like, man, you know what, I just want to relax today, but I got to do this podcast. One, I really appreciate all you guys listening. That's the biggest reason I go and I keep doing this. And two, again, I want to prove to myself that I can push past that motivation lack and rely on my discipline. Instead, when you don't want to do something but you know you can you have to lean into that resistance and get it done. Motivation is a mood and discipline is a system. So lean more into that discipline because, again, it's going to help you calm that terrible voice in your head. You're not going to listen to it as much because when you are tired and you push through, that voice is going to get very, very quiet and you're not going to listen to it anymore.

Brett:

Now how do you change the narrative? Well, I think perspective is a huge benefit in this situation, in this circumstance. Perspective does help reframe how you think about things. It's not fluff, it really is fuel, and you have to look at the big picture. You can't look day to day Like obviously you want to be present during the day and do the best that you can with what's in front of you, but think about the big picture. You could look at your day and see failure, or you could see it full of life.

Brett:

Going back to that workout example, I could have seen my days of failure because I usually start my days with a workout and if I didn't get that in, I could just be like you know what, today sucks, I'm done, I'm not going to try. Today I failed. Or you could say you know what? I didn't get my workout in, but I'm not going to let that ruin my day. I'm going to make the most out of it. The story you tell yourself. It does matter because that story is the script for your behavior, and behaviors become habit and habit becomes identity.

Brett:

There's this quote from Epictetus where he says man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems. So we don't actually feel all these worries from the problems that are in front of us. We worry about them and that makes us anxious and that makes those problems seem way bigger than they actually are. And that makes those problems seem way bigger than they actually are. Break it down, and I'm not trying to say be delusional, but I do believe that choosing a certain frame gives it power. And so I would again say pause when things don't go your way. Pause and see if you can reframe it, see if you can take a different perspective and think of the long game. Again, this podcast. If I look at the day-to-day growth, it's not much, but over two and a half years it's gotten significantly better.

Brett:

Not trying to brag about this, but it's because of that consistency, it's because I've showed up on days that I don't want to do it, it's because I've learned to stay disciplined rather than motivated, and you can do the same Even if it's just working on whatever thing is in front of you for 10 minutes a day. As small as it is, those actions compound over time and it becomes who you are. Like I said, your habits become your identity. And so here's a reframe practice I want you to try. You can write down one reoccurring negative thought and then write an honest take on it. That's a different perspective. For example, you could think that you're behind in life when in reality, you could say you know what I'm learning at my own pace and I'm still showing up, and that is something you could be proud of. It's a lot more difficult to be proud of man. I'm falling behind in life. Instead, you could tell yourself you know what I'm learning at my own pace and, most importantly, I'm showing up. I'm still in the game. Do you see how powerful that is? Again, it's not about delusion. Just figure out how you can reframe and take a different perspective.

Brett:

Now, like I said in the beginning, I think starting something is always the difficult part If that's starting a new habit, a new job, a new relationship, whatever it is. The start is usually the hardest, and whenever I coach runners and they always ask me like okay, what should I be doing? Like I want to get so good so fast, I tell them to master the fundamentals, to get really comfortable with running and understanding how you feel on a run and being in zone two a lot of the times, just because I think if you overdo it, you will shoot yourself in the foot, you'll lose motivation fast and it's going to be much harder to listen to that disciplined voice when your body's screaming and you overdid it in the beginning. So I would say, just start where you are. We wait for the perfect moment, for the perfect plan, the perfect time and maybe even the perfect mindset. Let me give you a little tip. Life is not a dress. Rehearsal this is it, this is all we have. And rehearsal this is it. This is all we have, and our time here is finite.

Brett:

Why do you think the Stoics all talked about memento mori? It wasn't so. They were morbid all the time and they're like you know what? I'm going to die someday. I'm already decaying, my body's decaying, I'm going to die. No, that's not what they thought about memento mori. They used it as a frame to realize that they had limited time on this earth and that, because of that, they should be doing the things that they love, that they enjoy.

Brett:

And obviously you need to make a living and you need to be smart with your decisions, but don't for one second think that you have all the time in the world and if you feel like there's something that you've wanted to start for a long time but just haven't had the chance to do it, start now. No matter how scary it might seem, no matter how difficult the road ahead of you might be, you don't have time. Get it done now, because eventually and you might not think this is even possible, but you will be on your deathbed and you will have a life to look at of either regret or you can be proud of who you became, who you were, who you showed up as it's all things that you have the power of. So start where you are, with what you have on the path that you're currently on. Ask yourself something right now.

Brett:

I want you to pause this podcast after I ask this question and think about it for a second. What is one small thing I can do today to align more closely with the person I want to become? I can do today to align more closely with the person I want to become. I hope you paused. Now go and do it, because that's how momentum starts One honest moment at a time, and you have to be honest, and it's okay to be honest with yourself. No one's going to judge you.

Brett:

The reality is that people don't think about you as much as you do yourself. So who cares? In a hundred years, they won't even remember you. No one will. I don't know who my great great grandpa was. I probably should learn about him, because we have a pretty cool family history, but I don't know him, and so that shouldn't be something morbid. It should be freeing, like the fact that you don't have to live up to other people's expectations, only your own. That should give you power to say I don't want to spend my time doing this. I want to focus more on this because my time on earth is finite and I need to make the most of it. I need to spend it with the people that I love. I need to make memories with them. Do not be a victim of your circumstances. Reframe it and figure out what you can do to get out of it Again. That's how momentum starts. Let's bring it on home.

Brett:

Like I said, you are not your missed workouts, you are not your bad days, you are not your fear or your fatigue. What you are is your responses to all of it. And that response, that responsibility, lies on your shoulders. You have the power to choose. You have the power to take what life gives you, and sometimes life is very unfair. It doesn't deal everyone a great hand, I understand that, but you always have the power to choose. First, say to yourself that you would be, and then do what you have to do.

Brett:

Another quote from Epictetus. I want to leave you all with a challenge, because what's all this without action? All this is nice, it sounds great to hear, but without actions it's worthless. So here's your challenge In the next 24 hours, catch one negative thought, reframe it. Then take one small action to prove to yourself that you're still in the game, because you are. And I'm right here next to you.

Brett:

I'm fighting the same battles. You are Maybe not the same battles, but I'm fighting the same inner voice that tells me I can't do things. I'm fighting the same inner voice that tells me I'm a piece of crap, that I'm slipping, that I'm not who I say I am, but you know what's the difference? I don't listen to that voice. It's taken years to get to that point, so I'm not saying it's going to happen to you overnight, but if you're committed to the goal, you will recognize changes in yourself that you never thought were possible to begin with. So if this helped you at all, I would appreciate it. If you would rate the show, share it with a friend who might be in the same boat, leave a comment I love to hear from you guys and, no matter what, stay in the game, show up when you don't want to and be the person who you always thought you could become Until next episode. Everyone keep getting after it. Thanks, guys.