"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
Where You Are Is Where You Need To Be
What happens when two performers step back from the relentless grind of the entertainment industry to ask: "Why am I doing this?" This conversation with Abby Vatterot traces our parallel journeys from theater school through Chicago, LA, and back to our Midwest roots, revealing how our creative purposes have evolved along the way.
Remember when success meant constant performing, networking every night, and pushing yourself to exhaustion? We certainly do. Abby and I candidly discuss how we've shifted from that mentality to something more sustainable and authentic. "My why has definitely evolved," Abby shares. "Lately, my why is literally have fun." This refreshing perspective comes after years of pursuing entertainment careers across multiple cities, only to discover unexpected opportunities back home.
We dive deep into the misleading narratives we received in theater school that left us unprepared for industry realities. The idealized notion that success requires abandoning the Midwest for coastal cities gets thoroughly debunked as we share our experiences finding meaningful work in St. Louis and beyond. One particularly humorous revelation: being taught to wear formal attire to auditions only to discover professionals showing up in jeans!
Perhaps the most powerful thread running through our conversation is the journey toward self-compassion. "I don't talk about myself like that anymore," I admit when discussing how I've stopped being harshly self-critical about my career pace. Similarly, Abby describes finding joy in activities completely unrelated to performance – a balance neither of us prioritized in our younger years.
Whether you're a creative professional questioning your path or simply interested in how priorities evolve with age and experience, this episode offers honest insights about finding purpose beyond achievement. As we conclude, Abby perfectly captures our shared realization: "You're going up in the right direction." Sometimes, that acknowledgment is exactly what we need to hear.
Opening quote: Bob Moawad
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 1 and Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
and
from Piano Soul Vol.1(Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team
Featured song: "You Belong to Me" Covered by Dom L'Amour and Abby Vatterott at Davenports Piano Bar in Chicago IL.
Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @dom_lamour on Instagram. Or at
no-transcript. Yeah, you're doing the right thing. You, You're going, going the way you want to go. There's a normal. There's a better way to say that there's you're. You're going up in the right direction.
Speaker 2:I think that's what I wanted to say no, you said exactly what you wanted. It's exactly what I'm saying Do what you.
Speaker 1:Now is the time and everybody let's to. Here is now, and why don't you put your hands up and your feet down is where you need to be and always are. Forever is where you are, oh, that's perfect, oh my god and I get an amen, amen, thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and anyone else who is here. My name is Dom Lamour and you are listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. On today's episode, I speak with my girl, abby Vatterot, about life working in the entertainment industry, in the Midwest college, self-work and so much more. The best day of your life is the one on which you decide. Your life is your own. No apologies or excuses, no one to rely on or blame. The gift is yours. It's an amazing journey, journey and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. What is going on in the world of Abby right now?
Speaker 1:In the world of Abby. Right now I am still doing commercials and auditioning and as far as a job goes, that's what I'm doing. And then I'm working on a project with one of my buddies, larry Her and I we wrote a pilot a couple of years ago. So right now we are just putting out videos and we filmed a sketch and then we're eventually going to put out that sketch to crowdsource, to raise money to film the rest of the pilot.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So that's kind of like what's occupying my time right now.
Speaker 2:You're staying creative. That's the key to what you're saying. You're staying creative. You've been writing. Yes, it sounds like you're still before. Are you doing gigs in St Louis right now, outside of the commercials, or you just kind of been laying back?
Speaker 1:I'll do them when they pop up. You know, every once in a while I'm not like actively pursuing live performance as much right now. Yeah, just focusing on on-camera stuff. But yeah, when people ask and reach out. I'll say yes, for sure. But yeah, the days are gone of like you know how we did it, of producing a show together and it's just a little different in St Louis to do it, and I've just kind of I've done it and now I'm like okay.
Speaker 2:I think that's kind of the turn I'm seeing with a lot of people just from our generation age like us, who went to school together, kind of thing where, if they're still performing, they're in a point now where they're like I want to be more pointed with what I'm doing. I want to be more pointed with what I'm doing. I want to exert my energy into certain things over other things, because I feel like we've been bidding enough throughout the time of performing and gigging and working with randoms to know, okay, yes, some beneficial things come from going to open mics or hanging out with certain people at a certain time. It's beneficial, yes, but also I can get the same type of networking and same type of creative space by really just focusing in on this one direct thing. Like with me, I've been trying to write and actually produce my own stuff a lot more now instead of going to open mics and performing every week, because that's what I did in Chicago.
Speaker 2:I felt like I had to be on and performing every week, because that's what I did in Chicago. I felt like I had to be on the ground every night. I felt like I had to meet new people every day. I had to sing at different groups and in many ways it was very beneficial and I'm not afraid to get on any stage now and I feel like with the wedding band, especially since I perform every weekend now I'm able to get to a place where it doesn't really matter what's going on.
Speaker 2:I feel comfortable in the situation. There's no performance situation that intimidates me anymore, you know, and that's because of the open mics. It starts with going into the room, being the youngest person walking in and them asking you to sing a song that you never sang before, and you do it in the next five minutes like came from doing that and I've benefited from that. But now it's like I like to be in bed at 1030. I like before 1030, if possible, I like to. You know, I have my routine to clean my face and shave and then lay down and and look through my stories. I enjoy that, and I think that's just as beneficial as going to an open mic, because I'm working on my body and making sure that I'm having healthy sleeping habits and waking up stronger and doing more throughout the day instead of. I used to write so much music laying in bed. I'd be like three in the morning and it's like I should have went to sleep. I could have done this the next day.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But it's encouraging to hear someone else who I look up to and admire, to hear that they're like okay, I'm kind of taking a step back from the producer bug and really trying to focus in on bigger career goals, because I feel like at this point now, especially after going through the pandemic and all of the different moves and we're older and we see the writing on the wall of okay, what's the next step for me, yeah, I mean our priorities shifted definitely during the pandemic was the start of it where you're like, yeah, that mentality is like the more I do, the more I grind, the faster I'll get to where I want to go and the better I'll be.
Speaker 1:And while there is like a nugget of truth to that, there's also like balance. Now there's less people pleasing and more of doing what you want to do, because, yeah, it's crazy how much we performed in Chicago and even in LA compared to where I am now. I mean you're doing the weddings, which is like scratching that itch for you.
Speaker 1:And when I go out to LA. You know, I've been back and forth a bunch and I spent a lot of time out there last year not as much this year, but but when I was out there I was doing shows as much as I could, and even that was different because I was like I'm out here, I need to be doing shows. I felt like I needed to be doing it as opposed to like finding the why am I doing it?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I learned in that short amount of time. I'm like oh, I don't really love doing this anymore, you know. So, yeah, your priorities shift and you move on to the next thing.
Speaker 2:It's funny that you say finding the why, because one of the things I had in my notes to ask you about today revolved around that. So why don't we just jump to it? It makes sense. I read this book. It was very particular about finding your purpose and I feel like for the longest time I had no idea really what my end goal ever was. I've always had big dreams to do just a bunch, to do things. I feel like I can do this and that and touch this and do that. But the more that I've worked and found this balance of life and performing and living in Georgia now and being able to really work with incredible people, I'm like, okay, so what is my whole thing? What do I feel is my purpose and am I going in the right direction with music, with my family, with friends and people I'm engaging with to achieve that purpose? And so I still think I'm working on it. But I read it early in the year and I think my purpose has always been to create opportunities where people can shine. I was talking to Spencer Day, friend of the pod, and he was talking to me like Dom in college sometimes I really depended on you to do gigs because you always were producing stuff to do and like those were some of my favorite nights because we actually were performing, we were actually gigging, we were out and about, people were seeing us work and we felt like we were actually doing it and I walked away from that conversation like that's really what I've always enjoyed about what I do, about what I do.
Speaker 2:The hardest part now has been the realization that I'm an adult now and you have to save money, not only for your career, but also for trips and for life stuff and house stuff, and so you start to realize that career might take a backseat to certain things and it's like how do I continue to narrow in on what I actually need to be doing for my purpose?
Speaker 2:And understanding what my purpose is and how I can continue to feed that bowl of love is really been an interesting journey for me. So, like I said, that's what I feel. I feel like creating opportunities, being able to work with individuals in those opportunities. That's always been what I want to do, and I feel like I strive to create moments where I can look over my shoulder and be like, hey, I've been working with this guy for 10 years, so I've been working with this girl for whatever, and we're still doing it and we're still able to say we love it. I'm not asking you to answer the question now because it literally took me months to even get to where I am now with that, but I feel like you're already kind of on that path because you brought it up. Where are you in your journey of finding your purpose?
Speaker 1:Dom, that is such a great question. I will say my why has definitely evolved as well Lately. My why is literally have fun. That's been my why lately. Just following that excitement, that curiosity, the joy and the fun, I feel like that's what it's been lately. My overall why, I think, has always been I want to make the world laugh by being my authentic self and to inspire people to be their authentic self. You know which is always like easier said than done.
Speaker 1:You know like I want to be yeah, no, it's, you know what I mean, but striving to present myself as the most authentic version of myself, and the more I do that, the more hopefully other people can step into that role or into their higher version of themselves, or whatever they strive for.
Speaker 2:I hear that completely. I've been doing a lot of work to be more happy with what I'm doing. The process you forget how much you love it after know, creating and begging people to support you and getting out there and really grinding and chopping on the wood I guess like biting down. Just like God. I got to get this right. That was the hardest thing for me after a while.
Speaker 2:When I first got back into gigging here in Georgia, I felt myself driving home with mixed emotions a lot.
Speaker 2:A great example I did this show in an area here called Marietta and it's this big square and every summer they have festivals and put on concerts and my band got put in like last minute but we play every week.
Speaker 2:So it's like okay, we can do it, it's not a big deal, and it was about 3,000 to 4,000 people in the audience. Just crazy. The whole square was packed and we did our set and I remember like a group of people kind of coming up to us afterwards being like yeah, this is like always hit and miss, but you guys really knocked it out of the park or we loved the song selection, or you guys were so much fun and you're the best and like you get all these compliments and you get all of this love and you get all of the noise during the performance and for some reason, with all of that, I still would find myself walking to the car, kind of like shuffling my feet, getting in the car, driving home, not even turning the radio on or anything because I'm so tired. I just want like 40 minutes of silence.
Speaker 1:Of peace, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yes. And then I'm like the whole ride. I'm like am I happy? I just did great, I did all of this stuff.
Speaker 2:Why is this so frustrating? Why am I like sitting here like I'm lonely and working on myself in a sense, when I keep saying that it's, you know, talking to people? I love working with my therapist, trying to really understand where my head goes in those moments Recently. I truly think I've gotten to a place now where the problem back then was just not me being satisfied. I feel like I wasn't grateful for the moments. I didn't look and realize dude, you're on stage and no one else.
Speaker 2:A lot of people can't do this. A lot of people don't get an opportunity to do this. And you're getting an opportunity. That's enough to be happy, that's enough right there.
Speaker 2:But for some reason I'm always thinking next thing, what's the next thing, what's the next thing? And that's kind of our culture. I feel like you watch an athlete and they just win a championship and the first thing thing they ask like how do you feel? What are you going to do? Well, I'm going to get in a gym and get ready for the next one next year. Like skipping over the fact that you just achieved something incredible. And whenever I speak to friends from college like you or like Maria or Steph and people in there like talking to me, like Dominique, what you do, I was just in Charleston singing at a wedding. I did this here, I'm going to be here doing this and this and that, and they're like you're doing so much, but then in my head I was always like I don't feel like I'm doing enough. So I feel like I'm getting to a place now where I'm starting to see the smaller wins and, instead of breezing past those, I'm sitting in those moments more.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Do you have any type of journey with that yourself? Because I don't really feel like I've ever seen you in a bad mood. I feel like, all right, let me take this back. All right, as theater majors who went to school together, I have seen you down. I have seen you down.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I haven't. I haven't seen you down other like personally, like where it's just like normal life, like I've seen you down after a long night of partying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was like falling down.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:How do you feel like cause this is something I'm really curious about with you, cause you're always someone that I feel like that truly does want to keep going, and you do keep going, and every time we speak, we're both talking about how we're still doing this. How do you deal with any of that? If you do deal with feeling like you're getting enough work or doing enough work.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I mean I definitely feel it work, or doing enough work? Oh yeah, I mean I definitely feel it. And, honestly, coming to St Louis was like a big one for me, of like I probably have worked the most I've ever worked professionally in St Louis. But I had to humble myself, you know, when I first moved back, because I was like, well, what am I going to do? Schnucks commercials and emos commercials. You know, when I first moved back because I was like, well, what am I going to do? Schnucks commercials and emos commercials which, yes, I have done.
Speaker 1:And yeah but now it's like what am I gonna do? That it's like actually, like I love that I have done them and that I do them and it is fun and I am grateful for it. But yeah, there's definitely those moments of like it's fun and I am grateful for it. But yeah, there's definitely those moments of like picturing yourself not exactly where you thought that you would be, you know, and I think it's just coming to peace with that and knowing that there's going to be more success, yeah, just kind of relishing in the success that you currently are in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, being present, having that gratitude, is definitely what anchors me in those moments of, well, what if I do this and I should be here and I you know what about that opportunity and stuff? And it just anytime you have those feelings arise of like that doesn't make me feel good to have those feelings, you go back to like okay, well, why am I feeling that? Well, because I thought I would be there by now, but you're not. But you also are doing this, this and this and this and this, and that's really cool and your little eight year old self would be so proud to see your life right now and be like wow, you're doing everything, You're so cool and funny.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so. But it definitely takes that awareness and the time to reflect on it and having those conversations with yourself of, okay, you're right where you need to be.
Speaker 2:So when I sat down to write this part of the episode and kind of try to express how I felt about Abby and working with Abby I don't really even know how to put it into words she was one of the first examples of someone that I recognized in the theater department that, oh, I could work with this person professionally outside of school. I can keep this relationship, I can develop this. This is someone who takes this seriously. I moved to Chicago, they were moving to Chicago. I moved to LA, they were moving to LA. It was kind of like we were on a journey where we crossed paths and it was kind of meant to stay in touch and and work. And we always worked and took it seriously. We didn't really go out and and play around. We we really cared about what we were doing. And that's the thing that I always take the idea we're still friends, still able to do these kind of podcasts. And you know I'm sure I'm still able to do these kind of podcasts and you know, I'm sure I'm still going to perform with her in the future and that's not a doubt at all in my head because of how great of a performer she is and how dedicated she is to her craft, so that that was kind of the best way to get it out. I feel like I just I've always admired working with her. I've always admired her. I've always felt like she was a level up and I wanted to get up to her level and we were in so much together we did. We did like Hamlet. We were in Hamlet together but then also we did our own little shows in LA and West Hollywood and in Chicago and in St Louis and I've always appreciated Abby and I'm just thankful that she's a friend and was able to in St Louis and I've always appreciated Abby and I'm just thankful that she's a friend and was able to be on the show and I hope y'all enjoyed having her. So let's get back into the conversation.
Speaker 2:I feel like going back home to St Louis is a really incredible wake-up call. I feel like that was something that really helped me when I left Chicago, staying home for a year, getting back to my roots, because back home in St Louis I'd always been doing stuff back home with my band in high school and then when we were in college I would come back to St Louis and do gigs on certain weekends. So I always saw the gigs and understood, oh, I'm working and I'm getting paid and I'm doing this, but I don't know why, for some reason in my head I just had this negative image of home and was always striving for something different. And I'm very grateful to Chicago and LA and even New York, because I used to audition there and stuff, because when you go to these places and you realize it's just another city, it helps you in so many ways. And some people see it and yes, it's another city, but it's a city where they meet the right person and they want to stay there. But I know so many artists who go to LA and they struggle and they just quit, yeah. But then there's others who say you know what, this ain't for me, I'm going to go back wherever I came from. Then they pick it up and they're like, okay, okay, I'm back home and I know people and I'm able to work, okay. And you're another example.
Speaker 2:I feel like Michael also was talking to me about that kind of thing where he didn't expect to come to St Louis and to work, but opportunities have come out of the wazoo for y'all and that's really encouraging because maybe it was our schooling, maybe it was the mentors we had who discouraged our hometown. Maybe I don't know where that negativity came from, or that what am I going to do in St Louis? And it's like St Louis was always giving me opportunities anyway. And so I'm performing at the Fox or I'm doing stuff here and there. And so I'm performing at the Fox, or I'm doing stuff here and there. I've worked at the Muni and I'm like how can you do all of these things and then still be like, oh, there's not much you could do here? It's like what is wrong?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I do believe influence truly affected a lot of us negatively about the Midwest, even Chicago. I went to Chicago I'll never forget this this drummer named Vincent Davis he was this old cat still up there playing and he met me at a jam. It was like I want you to come back to my crib one night and I was like okay. And we went to his house and a couple of other cats came out and we jammed and I didn't have any microphone or anything. He was very upset. He's like you're a performer, you need your instrument, kind of thing was very upset. He's like you're a performer, you need your instrument, kind of thing. And he's just very old school and loud and mean.
Speaker 2:But the one thing that stuck out to me was I was talking to him about my journey. He was like where are you from? I'm like from St Louis and he was like so why are you here? I was like I wanted to come to a bigger city and sing jazz. Chicago's a jazz city. I thought that was pretty. He's like you should be in LA or New York. You need to get out of here. This is not the Midwest. He really just categorized the whole Midwest as a place that I shouldn't be, because he felt like I was too good to be there.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I have those similar yeah.
Speaker 2:But it was like another person that lives there, giving you this fairy tale that it's a magical, different world outside of, and I just don't understand where that started, where it came from and why people continue to push that narrative.
Speaker 1:I mean even mentors that we had at CIMO. I don't know if you remember this story, but when we had our senior showcase in New York City right after we graduated my brother, who's also a comedian, was living in New York at the time and we did our senior showcase afterward Our mentor not to name names but he was like all right, so you're moving in New York City, right. And I was like no, I'm actually moving to Chicago. I'm going to do comedy in Chicago.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Do Second City and IO and blah, blah, blah. And he just was like why? Why are you? There's an audition for hair tomorrow that you could go to, and you're on Broadway Like it was that easy right. Yeah to. And you're on Broadway Like it was that easy right. And my brother just looked at him straight in the face and was like, was Tina Fey ever in hair? And I just I'll never forget that, you know, and just like we all have our own journeys and yeah, whatever resonates with us is the right. It's just like following those instincts and going to what makes you feel good. And Chicago was incredible and I know I made the right decision and yeah.
Speaker 1:So it's just funny looking back on those moments of like, okay, yes, again somebody from the Midwest encouraging us to go to the coast, and LA was great too, but it was great because we had our SEMO community there and the Chicago community that transplanted out there. Without that, it would have been a lot harder. Granted, I wasn't out there very long before the pandemic hit and that's what obviously brought us back to St Louis, but that community is what I miss. It's harder to find the community in St Louis.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like it's harder to find it anywhere.
Speaker 1:It is hard to find it, especially the old kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when you establish it somewhere, when you establish it and you're in it. That's why I applaud the guys that live in Chicago, because they still are very actively trying to stay in each other's lives and we didn't have a lot of people that like that at CMO. I feel like, more than anything, this always happens when Summer for CMO comes on, we go into this rant about CMO, but I honestly think they emphasize the dream of being a megastar on and that being like the only alternative to what you do. You're here so that you could be on Broadway and be a star, instead of showing us every element of the world Like they didn't showcase. How you know. We have people that went to school with us who are working in costume shops at the Muni or who build sets in Orlando or work sound at Disney. We have people that are people we went to school with, who do these things to do masterclasses. These aren't the people that are coming to influence the kids that are there. Maybe they are now, I'm not sure, but when we were there, the people they were bringing in, they were trying to flood our minds with all of their accomplishments. This person worked with this person. This person did this. They're performing here. They performed there. This is what you should want to do, and it's like if I were to change anything, it would be. I would want to approach it more like Hillary originally had started it off. I feel like you weren't there because this was a year before you, but my first R&P I'll never forget.
Speaker 2:Hillary Peterson got in front of everybody. First thing she said was one day you will be on welfare. Whoa, that's how she started the conversation. One day you will be on welfare. Are you okay with that? If not, you should leave the room right now. Yeah, and I remember her saying that and no one got up. But I was like I don't know if I want to be on welfare. And I did snap one year when I lost the job in Chicago. I was like, wow, she said it would happen and it happened. And I wasn't ashamed because I knew it was coming in some way, but I kept grinding and kept preparing myself for different opportunities and the idea that from that moment to now, I'm still doing it.
Speaker 2:I really wish I met more people. Like you know, andrew Tebow like was great, but I wish he would have been able to come back a little bit more and talk to us, or Creep or any of those guys that we like met beforehand Tony Poston like guys who graduated before we left. I wish they were able to come back and mentor us and say hey, it isn't all roses. Yes, it's going to be hard, you're going to have to struggle, but the struggle is part of why we're doing it. You're going to get there and you're going to learn, and it's going to be exciting and it's going to suck, but it's okay, because that's how most of us get by, and not only most of us, but the people we went to school, the teachers that we learned from. They had to struggle in some ways and I don't feel like they ever even gave us those moments. They didn't really open up about how difficult it could be.
Speaker 2:Yeah settle for certain things or discuss the possibilities of maybe I work here a couple of years and then I can move. They didn't really open our eyes to that. They just was like go to New York, work hard, make money, and it's like there's so much more to this than what we were taught.
Speaker 1:Right, I think the first time for me at an RMPp, when amy richie came I don't know if she taught yet, I think it was like maybe before she got hired as a like teacher, but she, you know we go to auditions wearing the same, like a certain dress. You know we have to wear business attire and we were always in dresses and leggings and tights and you know our character shoes or whatever, and you guys always had to wear ties. I remember she came in and she was like okay, first things first, get a good pair of jeans. And I was. I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped. I'm like jeans.
Speaker 3:But we don't wear jeans.
Speaker 1:That's against the law, like you know, and she was like get a good pair of jeans, spend $100 on a good pair of jeans. And I just remember thinking like, wow, that must be crazy in the real world, like we had no idea what was happening. We were just in this like insular bubble to hear that people were wearing jeans to auditions, literally blowing my mind.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, weirdly enough, the year before I got the CMO, they were still using like black and white headshots.
Speaker 2:So like our school was so behind on certain things that it like I remember going to my first audition when we went to Straw Hats. Mark and I went up to New York. I remember seeing people just wearing street clothes and I remember I asked this one dude I was like his name is Josh. I actually got to New York. I remember seeing people just wearing street clothes and I asked this one dude I was like his name is Josh. I actually got to work with him and I was like yo, what's going on? What are you auditioning for? And he was auditioning for like Spring Awakening or something like that. He was auditioning for a more modern show. He's like, yeah, I want to put on something a little more modern and, of course, following the seymour etiquette, I had a vest.
Speaker 2:Uh, dress, vest with the button up and and I'm like this is infuriating, because we all very much wore the same uniform, because that was what we were told to wear and the best teacher is experience being able to go out and see. Oh the, the world isn't really like that. My first set that I performed on with TV I won't even do the theater, I'll go to TV when I was on TV set I remember walking up and getting this huge woof of weed and being like ah, and it was the guy who was operating the camera. He was smoking weed before we were about to start shooting. It was like seven in the morning.
Speaker 2:I was like what is happening right now? And it just reminded me like okay, we put this thing on a pedestal. We feel like things can be so hard and this and that, but every job has people who have no business being in these positions and it's like you get put in situations because of networking or experience or you might just be right for the role, but you can't walk into it and feel like everything is going to be just perfect and easy, like you can be a little bit more yourself, you can lay back and you never know you might be uncast because they feel like you're a little tight ass, like you're too professional, and it's like I wouldn't even have considered that as a possibility unless I went out and was in these shows and seen these people do all of this shit, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, even like gosh, when we did our show, dom and I produced a comedy show in LA and it had poets and musicians and artists and comics and it was so much fun. And after that show there was another comedy show they would have like people like Dimitri Martin and Todd Glass and you know, and you'd go up and you'd see them completely bomb. You're like what, not all of Dimetri Martin's one-liners work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's like you know that, and of course I'd seen versions of it in Chicago, but I don't think I'd seen a lot of my heroes, so to speak. I saw a lot of my heroes when I first moved to LA. I saw Jim Carrey live on Bill Maher. I saw Weird Al get his star on the Walk of Fame.
Speaker 3:That's a dope yeah.
Speaker 1:And they were fantastic and great. But it's interesting seeing people that you've looked up to for so long in the industry Maria Bamford, I saw her do something and I was just like, oh my gosh, and where? They're, just like they're not at the top of their game, and you're like, oh yeah, we're all human, we're all still grinding in one way or another, and so that was also pretty eye-opening for me to see.
Speaker 2:That's always something I'll take from LA. I met one of my biggest heroes. He's literally I got his Funko Pop right over here. Arsenio Hall was such a cool dude and I met him multiple times because I worked at this restaurant in Studio City. I always dreamed of hosting a show like that, a late night show kind of atmosphere. Now it's kind of a little different.
Speaker 2:If I ever did it, it wouldn't be in that format. I really feel like the format is getting kind of dry and you're seeing people try to mix it up, but even then when they try to mix it up, those shows are kind of being canceled because people are so familiar with the chair and the suit and it's a weird concept. I can go on and on about that. But anyway, meeting Arsenio Hall was incredible and he's from Cleveland and I told him I was from St Louis and I remember we met once and he was just like really engaged and just so cool. And then the next time he called me St Louis and I called him Cleveland. I remember walking away from that being like if this was Dominique from 10 years ago he would have had a heart attack. But now it's like I've been here long enough that I can see these people as real people.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And understand that I am trying to do the same thing as them. I can't look at myself as below them. I got to be with them in the same category. We're just people. Yeah, and it was so perfect. I love that, yeah, and it was so perfect.
Speaker 1:I love that. Yeah, similarly, I was on the same lineup as Pete Holmes in a show in LA last year and I had just literally like months before that, just seen him in LA or in St Louis. So, and like same thing, I was just like, yeah, I'm just going to talk to him like I would a normal comic Cause he's, first of all, the nicest guy, he's exactly how he seems. But I went out to him and I was like hey, I saw you in St Louis, you were fantastic. And he was like trying to think of St Louis jokes. He's like what did I make any good St Louis jokes? I was like I don't, I St Louis jokes.
Speaker 3:He's like what did I?
Speaker 1:make any good St Louis jokes. I was like I don't I don't remember.
Speaker 1:And he laughed at that and then, um, he knows my brother too. So he was like, are you related to Nick? And I was like, yeah, okay, he was like I was wondering that I was like she's either. When I saw your name on the lineup, I was like she's either his sister or Nick got a sex change. And then I was like I'm actually my name's Nick. This is a wig and we just, like you know, share a laugh and it was. It was great. But those little moments, I think they're little signs from the universe of like, yeah, you're doing the right thing, you're going going, going the way you want to go. There's normal. There's a better way to say that there's you're, you're going up in the right direction. I think that's what I wanted to say no, you just said.
Speaker 2:You said exactly what you wanted, it's exactly do what you.
Speaker 1:Now is the time and everybody let's here is now. And why don't you put your hands up and your feet down is where you need to be and always are. Forever is where you are.
Speaker 2:Oh, that is perfect. Oh, my God.
Speaker 1:And I get an amen.
Speaker 2:Amen.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 3:I know you belong to somebody new, but tonight you belong to me. You're part, you're part of my heart, but tonight you belong to me too. Lay down by the stream, how sweet it will seem Once more just to dream In the moonlight, my honey, I know In the dark that you will be gone, but tonight you belong to me. Just a little old me, la la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la.
Speaker 2:With all of the moving, the gigging and trying to you know fit life in there getting married and having you know family members pass, and having people all over the world that you kind of want to pull closer and find that bond with all of this stuff going on. When it comes to your career, how do you feel Because, like I said, I think I've pushed mine, not aside, like to the back or anything, but it isn't always the number one thing Like how do you think you're balancing your life compared to your younger 20s and stuff, because when I was in my 20s I felt like I skipped so much stuff because I was on a gig that I made like $10 on. I regret a lot, but also I'm happy that I can learn from it. What are some things that you feel like you've picked up and that you are starting to really understand better about yourself as a person who's a performer?
Speaker 1:I'm so busy.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, from going from there to you know, obviously falling in love, being with my family in St Louis now I just that's one of the major blessings that has come from moving back is so much beautiful quality time with my family.
Speaker 2:Yeah, quality time with my family.
Speaker 1:That definitely takes priority over anything now and I think about it when I would do my big shows in Chicago, like my one-woman show and my album release and the festivals that my family would come up for every year, and every time my family was there I was like this is living, like this is the best. Best times I had were when my family came to visit me and it's just like and now I get to, so I do not take that for granted at all of like how much time I'm spending with them and how much time we get because, yeah, who knows when a gig is going to pop up and I'm going to have to be gone, you know longer, or I can't make it back for a holiday or a birthday, or you know, so it's so. Yeah, it's crazy how different it is and how much more it means every year. You know, and just having that, that quality time and even just sitting on the couch with my cat, like having just having that quality time and even just sitting on the couch with my cat, like having a pet, you know, was like never something on my radar and now I'm like, I'm cool, just do I go to open mic? I got these jokes I kind of want to work on. Or I could just sit on my couch and watch RuPaul's Drag Race and cuddle with my kitty, you know, and I'm like.
Speaker 1:That to me is like living Cuddle with my kitty, cuddle with my husband and just yeah. So finding that balance too, where I don't get too sucked up into feeling not as active or procrastinating on something because I'm like well, I need to spend, I need this is more important, which it is more important. But yeah, it's finding that balance and also the boundaries of like wanting to spend time with, like, my mom and also being like but I have a deadline for a submission that is due. I actually have a deadline for a submission due on Friday and I am kind of grappling with like normally, this audition would be like oh my gosh, this is it.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be a big star, you know, and. But now I'm like, eh, I got to do this audition. Like I'm grateful for the opportunity and I'll get it done because I know myself better and I know how I work better and I'm performing for me now, as opposed to what I think people want out of me. You know, basically like developing a reel of characters, which I've done at this point for like over 13 years, so it's just like I can generate material quicker and I know what's most authentic to me and I know what's funny. And so when opportunities come like that, where I have more of a time to work on something, I will, yeah, sometimes procrastinate a little, but I always get it done and I'm always proud of the work and I'm not tied to the outcome anymore.
Speaker 1:I feel that everything that you do as far as auditioning stuff goes is like you're a growing and learning opportunity and letting go of the outcome obviously easier said than done, but with it you just kind of build a callus, you know, to it, to where it's just like okay, on to the next. There'll always be more opportunities and you'll get the right one. The wrong opportunities will never pass you by. So, yeah, I think, keeping those affirmations, if you will, to the forefront of my mind, and also what lights me up too, it's like feeling in my body. Okay, what's my body drawn to do right now?
Speaker 1:I want to take a step in this creative endeavor for this project, or do I want to color, just color, at the kitchen table with my mom and my husband? You know what I mean, my husband, you know what I mean. Like I have way more other hobbies and joys in my life as, as opposed to when people be like. So what do you? What do you do outside of acting? I'm like I do this, all I do, that's all I do. I just do comedy, I just do acting and that's my. I don't do anything.
Speaker 2:My life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and but now I'm like I'm more. It's more nuanced and more well-rounded because of the relationships that I want to prioritize.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when you said you kind of create some boundaries, I feel like that is crucial the older we get, and it's not just boundaries, of like I'm preventing myself from doing this, but it's also like okay, a great example One of my teachers my vocal teacher in Chicago, her name was Elaine Dame. She always told me do three things for your career each day. She's like if you do three things, that's enough for you to be happy. And it can be anything. Post something on Instagram, put together a playlist and, you know, shave your face for the gig that night. And boom, you've done three things and I have gotten better at hitting my goal of doing what I want to do.
Speaker 2:Maybe writing out stuff, making a list of this is what I'm going to do today. And when I accomplish that, being OK with putting it down and saying, okay, now, granted, inspiration always comes up, I'll do that. Then I'll be walking and a song idea come up and I'm like well, let me write it. But even with that, I'm still trying just to be nicer to myself, trying to talk myself down a little nicer than I used to. I feel like I've always been a dick to myself. I will literally tell you you suck ass. Dominique, you should be doing more. I don't talk about myself like that anymore. I don't push myself in directions just because I feel like I should be, and I think those boundaries are crucial to just be happy. And that's dope to hear that you've already worked towards it Because, like I said, man, some of us it's like ringing the child, it's like dude, chill out. Why are you overreacting?
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I've definitely had that mentality too, and it's something that, yeah, like I said, you just kind of talk to yourself. You're like, well, you don't have to be doing anything right now, but I've definitely been sitting on the couch. I'm like I don't know if I should be sitting on the couch, I should be doing something. And I'm like, okay, then I move, if I do, and then I move somewhere else to the room and I'm like, okay, now I'm working on something. But then I end up like scrolling on my phone and I'm like, well, I'm not doing anything anyway, and you'll just sit on the couch. No, but you get it. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:You know what I love. I love to cook. There's two things I've been doing a lot more this year. I've been making homemade pasta a lot more and that has been so much fun because if it's cleaner, it's not as difficult as you would think and, of course, my wife has Italian roots, so we have all the equipment I need to make it happen at home very easily, and I did some burnt ends this year and grilled up some corn and a whole bunch of stuff and it's just really it's very satisfying.
Speaker 2:The older I get, the more opportunities I get to serve and host, and we're going to have a lot of people in town in July. We got Steph and Maria and the kids are coming down at the top of the month. I'm going to have DJ Chester in town at the end of the month and Jesse Lynn and the baby and her husband's coming, I think, the third week of the month. So July is going to be busy for me and I'm going to be cooking up a storm. But that's what I'm loving. I'm loving all the meals and the cooking and getting a chance to really eat cleaner and know what I'm putting in my body. What about you?
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so good. Well, you know what I'm putting in my body. What about you? Oh, that's so good. Well, you know what I love? Acrylic markers.
Speaker 3:That's so random.
Speaker 1:I love the smell. I have seven in my hand right now.
Speaker 3:Right no.
Speaker 1:I love the sound that they make on this textured, mat piece of hard paper. So when you color on it, it's a very satisfying sound. Not only is it a very satisfying sound, but it's also visually satisfying. And so, yeah, I have gotten really into acrylic markers. I've probably bought over a hundred of them recently in different packs. During Easter I had like a whole pastel pack and most of them were the same color, but it didn't matter. It was really hard to be like. Was this green? I think that's the same color, but it didn't matter. It was really hard to be like. Was this green? I think that's the same grain. But anyway, um, and I'll just color and make stuff and it's for nobody but myself and do you have any of those adult coloring books?
Speaker 1:I do, but a lot of the times they're very like small things to color in and I like coloring in like a lot of space.
Speaker 2:I love the sound effect.
Speaker 1:I love coloring, I love coloring, I love coloring.
Speaker 2:We've made it to the final segment of the show. Abby, I feel like this is the treat that I needed today. I wanted to talk to you on the pod for a while and actually get you here. It's so dope. I've always loved working with you and I'm sure at some point during the episode I've already played your beautiful singing voice already. So I appreciate you. Oh yeah, I appreciate you and I love you so much, and, of course, we end the show the same way every time. We've spoken about everything we want to speak about. All I want to know now is how do you feel?
Speaker 1:I feel good. I feel really good, I feel really happy and yeah, I always love our conversations and it was really good to catch up and yeah, I miss. I miss seeing you more often and all the things. But yeah, I really appreciate you having having me and thank you for making me feel feel good.
Speaker 2:Alright, cheers to you. Alright, I want to thank you for listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. The open and quote credit goes to Bob Moed and the feature song comes from the classic film the Jerk. Shout out to Steve Martin. Abby and I sang that during the cabaret we did together in Chicago called what Is Love? So fun to relive that night. And shout out to Abby for being on the pod. You can follow her on Instagram at Abby Vatterot and please subscribe to the podcast, share the podcast and give us a good rating. Five stars, please. And thank you. You can support the show by clicking the link at the bottom of the episode description. Also, tell me your plans for the coming year. We should collab. If you like this episode you should check out. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. A previous episode I did and I spoke with Justin Hale about worries, struggles, what's next, mental health and so much more. Go check it out. Follow me at D-O-M underscore L-A-M-O-U-R, on Instagram or at DomLamorecom. I'm Dom Lamore, no-transcript.
