303: Jess Reynolds on Raising Neurodivergent Kids, Burnout & Finding Herself Again

Jess Reynolds lives in the Snowy Valley region of NSW, helping run her family’s Angus stud while raising four daughters with her husband. Warm, funny and incredibly jovial by nature, Jess also has a deeply reflective side that shines through in this conversation. But behind the demands of farming, motherhood and community life, she was struggling in ways she couldn’t explain. It wasn’t until her eldest daughter was diagnosed with autism and ADHD that things began to make sense. Since then, Jess has navigated bushfires, COVID lockdowns, homeschooling, burnout, her own ADHD diagnosis, and the realities of raising neurodivergent children in rural Australia. Today, she shares her story with honesty and vulnerability, including what happened when she finally stopped trying to do it all on her own. This is her story. 

Pop Family Speech Pathologists is Australia’s largest online speech pathology practice, supporting families nationwide with expert care and no waitlist. Founded by outback Queensland local Heidi Trusler, Pop was built to make support more accessible for rural and regional families. Learn more or book online at: popfamily.au

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

For many rural and regional families, accessing the right support for your child isn't always simple. That's why Pop Family Speech Pathologists was created. Founded by Heidi Trussler, who grew up in Outback Queensland and experienced firsthand the challenges of accessing speech support, Pop has been telehealth first from day one. Today, they're Australia's largest online speech pathology practice with more than 85 speech pathologists supporting families nationwide and no wait list. Every session is delivered online via Zoom at a time that suits your family, making expert support more accessible for parents no matter where they live. For more information, head to the link in today's show notes. Welcome to the Motherland Podcast, where each week I share with you real and raw stories of motherhood told by women on the land.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

I certainly didn't expect to be widowed twice by age 51. I was so scared when he was born. I felt so alone. And I remember sobbing to her, I just said, what have I done?

SPEAKER_00 1:27

It's a wild roller coaster we're all on. So no matter where you live or what you do, remember we're in this together and you're not alone. So what's it like to raise kids on the land? This is Motherland. I first met Jess Reynolds at Beef Week in Rockhampton in 2024. And in 2025, she came through our Motherland Village program. More recently, I caught up with her again at our national conference in Toowoomba, where she walked away with one of the more unusual auction items at our gala. We'll get to that later. Jess is warm, funny, and incredibly jovial by nature. But when you get to know her, you quickly realise there's a very deep and reflective side to her, which you'll hear today. Jess lives in the Snowy Valley region of New South Wales, where she helps run her family's Angus stud, while her husband Will works on his family's farm nearby. In the last 13 years, they've welcomed four daughters and built a life deeply connected to family, farming, and community. But behind running a 2,500-head operation, raising four girls and keeping family life moving, Jess was struggling in ways she couldn't quite explain. And it wasn't until her eldest daughter was diagnosed with autism and ADHD that Jess began to understand why.

SPEAKER_04 2:57

It was insightful, I guess is the right word. I'm happy just to know that I am different. And you know, that's as much as I need, and you know, I can help other people with that as well.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

Over the past few years, Jess has navigated devastating bushfires, COVID lockdowns, homeschooling, burnout, her own ADHD diagnosis, and the reality of raising neurodivergent children in rural Australia. Today, Jess speaks candidly about it all, including what happened when she finally stopped trying to do it all on her own. This is her story. Jess, welcome to Motherland. We have had quite the dramatic morning together. This is like our fifth attempt at recording. Internet wasn't working. You've driven to town. Luckily it's not far, but you've driven to town and you're sitting in a park with a coffee, and this is the way that we've had to make the podcast work. So thank you for all the effort.

SPEAKER_04 3:54

And that's okay. That's okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

It's harder living in the bush, I guess. It is, it is, and I'm so glad that we can still make this work. And you and I saw each other a couple of months ago at the motherland conference in Toowoomba, which was really special. We had a bit of fun at the gala dinner. I'll tell everyone more about that later. But how was the conference? How did you find it?

SPEAKER_04 4:14

Um, it was awesome. One of the best events I've been to. Uh, and I got to hang out with the girls, so what more could I ask for? And what girls did you catch up with? My motherland group from October 2025. Um we were lucky enough to have four of us come. Um, and it was great. So, Mel and Vic and Shelly.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

It was awesome. Very special. Um, so just to start, can you introduce yourself? Tell everyone a bit about yourself, where you're based, what you do, and your big beautiful family.

SPEAKER_04 4:46

Yep, I'm Jess. I uh live in Adelong, out of Adelong, I'm in the snowy Valley Shire. Grew up at Kilmercat out of Tumut on my family's Angus stud and now full-time working there alongside my two brothers and my mum and dad and uncle and aunt, um running two and a half thousand head of black cattle and have sales online selling 250 bulls. And in the last 13 years I've had four girls, um, which is pretty crazy. How old are the kids? Nearly 14, 12, 6, 7. You're very up with the lingo, Jess. Oh, they tell me every day how old they are, don't you worry about that.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

Now, the thing about your story, which I really find interesting, is you work on your family farm, but you live on your husband's family farm and he works on that.

SPEAKER_04 5:44

Yeah, yeah, no, it is pretty cool. We um we sort of say it's just like we both go to work every day. Um, but yeah, it's just the way it's working for us, and it's pretty cool to be able to go back to your own family farm when you've lived through it. Um it's pretty good to be able to enjoy it with your family and not try and be it an outsider coming in, because that's often where it gets really tough. And you know, I I don't know, it'd be hard for me to be able to do that because I've done it for too long now.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

Yeah, and how beautiful that you have ha got to stay home and that you've married someone and fallen in love close to home. So I was gonna ask you where is home, but very clearly it is where you are. So tell us a bit about your childhood. Like what was it like for little Jess growing up there? Well, we originally grew up down in the Southern Highlands, down near um Exeter.

SPEAKER_04 6:34

Ah, okay. And um progressively moved south following greener pastures, as they say. Uh so yeah, we moved here when I was in year six, um went to the local high school. She was a little bit of a tough battle. Um being short with red cheeks and a big belly gets, you know, gets a bit of craziness. So now bringing up the four girls, I'm huge on self-esteem and getting rid of those people out of your lives, you just don't need it. And yeah, we grew up on the farm every weekend, every afternoon. I was a bit of a terrible teenager for mum and dad for a bit, but um, I think that's inevitable. I've got two little brothers, you know, so it was only one girl they had to deal with. Karma's coming back to get me now. Um and we yeah, I finished work, I finished school, went and just worked real like re in retail in the area for a while. Did a few bits and pieces of study, but I'm not a studier. Like you can't let I can't sit down for that long. Um did a bit of travelling overseas and when I got back I was madly in love with Will and we had a short but um exciting sort of 12 months to our first year. We were pregnant and we went, right, let's do this. So we've got four of the cherubs now.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

You do, and you've built this beautiful life. Um and before we get to the love story and beyond, just regarding your childhood, you mentioned, you know, couldn't sit still at school. It sounds like school was a bit tough for you with some of the kids and maybe your self-esteem. I'm not sure. I'd love you to share that. Tell us about that and then how important was rural life and farm life for you as an escape or, you know, that balance between school life, home life, and how tough things were for you.

SPEAKER_04 8:23

Um, in hindsight, it's completely uh, you know, changed my outlook of what I thought it was 10 years ago. But uh I think the biggest thing for me was that you know, sticks and stains may break your bones, but it does hurt being called names does hurt, and it's just it doesn't saying that to someone doesn't help. You know, my first day of school, of high school, they called me Rosie Red Cheeks, um, and that stuck right through Beetry, because I got really red cheeks, especially when I'm embarrassed. So um it just sort of stuck in. I was about I was tiny. The backpack was bigger than my back when I started like I'm only short now, so it's sort of funny the fact that we are um trying to navigate that now with my kids, but they've got a six foot six father, so they don't have to worry about the shortness. And that sounds tough. That sounds tough for you. It was, but I didn't realise how tough it was until I became an adult and reflected back on it and went, we can only get better. Um and, you know, just do the best I can. My parents did the best they could. Um I did look at going away for boarding school at one stage because I hated that stuff, but I just couldn't leave home. Home was home, you know. I couldn't imagine sleeping in another bed. So it's sort of, you know, it all turned out well. I've got, you know, my two brothers are my best friends, you know, and if we don't speak to each other every day, then it's a concern. So, you know, like I've that's exactly where I should be now.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

That's really beautiful. And so for you mo moving through and you know, getting through surviving high school, what was the plan? Was was it always to work with the family on the farm, or what did you do after school?

SPEAKER_04 10:12

Well, I worked reta in retail, um, ran a cafe slash fruit shop sort of scenario, got my cert three or whatever in business. I couldn't even tell you what I've done. But I did something where I got a certificate at the end, um, and worked in um hospitality, which I love, coffee making, I love all that. I love peop like speaking to people, so that was pretty cool. Um but I didn't I never wanted to go back to like uni wasn't for me. I you know, but when at the end of year ten, if I wanted to leave school, it was to be a hairdresser and I would only be like there's no you know, you can leave school if you're a boy. Not necessarily back then. But there's only mechanics and stuff like that, and that wasn't me either. You know, whereas now there there's this huge oyster out there for the ki girls to be able to go and get if they're not ready for school they can be going and get a trade or a you know, th the world's so much better now for women being able to do all the things that they can do and live your life how you should. Like year eleven and twelve was just a nightmare. What was the worst part of those last couple of years? Probably a lot of it was a lot of the boys leaving school, as in the boys in my year, they were all my friends, you know. Like I girls were wonderful, but they're hard to deal with friendships. And I was an outsider, you know, being out of town. Like town is they just wag school. Um, I used to say to mum, everyone's wagging this on Friday. I'm just letting you know I'll catch the bus to town, I'll wag, and then I'll come back and um and I'll put my clothes back on and catch the bus home. And she's like, Okay. Like I was like, be honest, it's not worth wagging.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

Like that was to them a highlight. And so once school was done, was there a relief in that? And and what was what did you do after? I just worked and then I pretty much met Will.

SPEAKER_04 12:11

I um had been through a few long longer term relationships. Um, as far as they say when you meet the right one, you know straight away. And we both knew straight away from the day we met each other. That night I said to my best friend who's now my sister-in-law, so I'm very lucky. Um, I said, I'm going to um have that bloke's babies one day. Anyway, she um that was the night I met Will and it worked. Wait, that was her brother? No, it was my she's married my brother.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Oh, right. I was like Yeah, no, no, not that you're like, I'm gonna marry your brother. I'm like, wow um that'd be funny. That would. And so how did you meet Will? Like, like where were you when you met? Typical rugby union style at the pub after a game of. No fault. Yeah. And no troubles chatting to him, given what you've told me, I imagine. No, no. Tell me a bit about the early days of your relationship. You mentioned you fell pregnant pretty was it a year or something in, but take us through that year together.

SPEAKER_04 13:15

I I did a bit of travelling overseas, you know, just the Kentucky trips that you do when had absolute ball. Um and the story's not that exciting really. We just clicked. Um I was then living in Wagga where he was. So we went, I I went, you know, I just hang out there every day. His boss was funny, he said, There's something weird going on here. You're coming to work with clean clothes every day. There must be a woman around. Anyway. So that was pretty good. We um yeah, we were just lucky enough to fall pregnant without really planning, I should say, but you know, it was one of those blessed blessed things, you know, at twenty-four years old. I was like, right, we're doing this. It's now whenever, and that was it. We all in. So it wasn't long after we'd had Yeah. Oh no, we're still living in Wagga when we had Laura.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

And so tell me about that having Laura, becoming a mum for the first time. Yeah. What was it like for you?

SPEAKER_04 14:21

First time was isolating for me because I was in Wagga and I wasn't here. Like it's only an hour and twenty minutes to get to mum's. But it's still an hour and twenty minutes. Laura was a challenging baby. She chose not to sleep often. Um, she chose to cry a lot. She was a handful, but it was your first baby. You have no idea what you're doing. Um, you know. And that's and in in that era is where I started to take over the farm. My nan was about eighty, over eighty, and she'll still running the stud like the book side of it full time. So I started taking over from there. She let me start with the wages, just do that, and then slowly incorporated me into the business, and she was able to retire.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

And so at what point after having your first did you move to the family farm?

SPEAKER_04 15:17

Well, we we just rented for yeah, we just rented in town for a while just because that's what you can get in the thing. So that was she was eight months old, I reckon. Um and and was it a relief?

SPEAKER_00 15:28

Was that did things get easier and less isolating once you moved to the property?

SPEAKER_04 15:32

Oh, yeah, because I had the support. I had mum, I had friends, I had sister-in-laws, I had all that sort of stuff. Mother-in-law, you know, Will's mum's amazing with the girls, so it's just perfect, you know. We just and there's nothing better than being close to people when you like I just couldn't do it without them.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

Yeah. And for you, that first time with Laura has also been a bit challenging given her journey. At what point, how old was Laura when you noticed that she had some additional challenges?

SPEAKER_04 16:05

Well, I I think I can't remember dates, but I reckon she was over 12 months when we first went to a sleep school. I was told about a sleep school, and I was like, wow, we need this. So um the when you get the I guess it's a referral process for it, and I showed up without the baby, that's when they said, Oh dear, because she'd had fallen asleep, but I had a say midday appointment and she was asleep, so I had to get a friend to come and watch her while I went to the appointment. So, like, I'm not waking that thing up. Um and I'm a really emotional person, so you know, at the drop of a hat I'd be in tears over it, you know. And when you're sleep deprived, there's nothing more torturous than not sleeping. Um, you know, it was hell.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

And why did you book that appointment? Like what was I mean, obviously there was a sleep, but then at what point did because some of us have babies that don't sleep, like Elliot, like for the first six months, he woke up every 45 minutes without fail. I went to a pediatrician, they were just like, your baby's fine, it's just this happens to some babies, some sleep better than others. So there's like there's horrific sleep, and eventually it gets better, and then there's like there's something more to this. This is not just a baby that is not sleeping that well.

SPEAKER_04 17:20

Yeah, I I think it was gut instinct. Something's not right. I can't do it. Um, I'm gonna end up crazy if I try and think I'm tough enough to do this. So I just made the call. Um and you know, we went over to Canberra for three or four nights, and it's just just someone there to be they're awake or not with you, so you can get through that stuff. So that's where it was amazing. You know, I just it was a big you know, it was a game changer. Um and we did learn a lot. Um, she's not a great eater and all that stuff, they just teach you how to feel the whole body, helps them sleep. Um, and you know, I've still got hints and tips I give people now from that era because it was if you someone's going through it, it's just not fair.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Yeah, and it can have such an impact on your mental health as well, which is so underrated when we talk about sleep deprivation. Um, but at what point with Laura, because you've got what, a couple of years between your first and your second? Yeah, so at what point later on with Laura did you realise, was it after you had your second that was?

SPEAKER_04 18:27

Yeah, after Bonnie was born, uh we call her our control child because we just had this baby and she'd have a feed and you'd lay her in the cot and she'd go to sleep. And then you just, you know, we're going, whoa. And that's when we're going, there's a few little things here about our little princess that aren't the same. Every child's different. But the fact that I understood what it was like for other parents with a child that does do the right things compared to ones that have additional needs. I went, mmm. But at that stage I didn't know what we were looking at. We just knew that we say it all the time, Laura's just a little bit different, and she now embraces that as well. We've made it normal because it's just everyone is different. It just depends how you get through things. Um, we did go back to sleep school with Laura when Bonnie was a baby, and um obviously you have to take your baby as well. And they're like, We can definitely tell which child you're here for, and I was like, I know, I can just work around that one. You know, but yeah, it was huge. And for me, I'm a pretty nurturing person, so just learning a bit of boundaries and listening to babies' cues compared to uh just wanting to hug them because they are crying. What else do you want to do when you've been when you're crying? Hug always fixes it.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

Yeah. And for Laura, uh, how old was she is later years that she received a diagnosis and a few things that clicked into place?

SPEAKER_04 20:01

Oh, so in kindergarten year one, year two, there was always a it's always term two is her biggest struggle term. I don't know if the uniform changes, you've had a first term, and then you get the holidays, the routine changes. I've you know, we've tried everything. She's got she had huge sensory issues, you know, only wore tight clothes and but I just put that down to that's just Laura. Like that's all we say. It's just what Laura does. She just likes to eat that, she just likes to do this. But you know, it was it's hard, but we got there. Um but it was homeschooling that was the the breaking point.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

Yeah, and we'll get to that soon. But and essentially, what were you being told, like in terms of because you've then you've gone on to have four kids, and that's obviously we can't go into each of them in absolute detail, but I know Laura for you has been a really important one because she was your first and she was diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Yeah. How old, how old was she? How long did that take to get that diagnosis? She was in year three, I hope.

SPEAKER_04 21:10

I'm guessing. Um they all become a bit of a blur when you have four kids. Um but the process was a huge day. Um, you know, for you've got to go and see psychologists, sorry, um, and you get lots of questions and one-on-one with Laura, and then we sat through the uh process with all the parent questions, and I just burst into tears at the end of it, and Will looked at me, I'm gonna swear he's okay, he's another other people swear. And he said, What the fuck's wrong with you? And I said, just Laura, you know, like it's just it keeps going around.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

So your daughter getting a diagnosis and you saw yourself in her, the penny dropped for you. What kind of impact has that made for you as a mum?

SPEAKER_04 21:59

It was Oh, insightful, I guess is the right word. I found out that I was normal the whole time. Um, I didn't realise well, it shows so differently in girls and than women. So I guess it was um empowering to know that it was okay. I've made a lot of changes to my life since then. Um, you know, I sometimes if I'm going somewhere I'll just come out first forward things, they look, I've got ADHD, I'm probably gonna forget your name, what we did. If you ring me now, I'm not gonna reply to that because I have forgotten already. But it was all those things that went, hmm, okay, that makes sense. Um, you know, and the autism side of it, once you've masked your life, it's really hard to know who you are underneath. Um, so who knows what that is. And I I'm happy just to know that I am different, and you know, that's as as much as I need, and you know, I can help other people with that as well.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Yeah, and as you said earlier, you know, yeah, it's about embracing everyone's different. So I think labels are helpful when it helps you actually get information and understand how to help your child or yourself. That's where it's handy rather than just slapping them on because everyone needs to be called something. So I think there's a big difference there. And uh for you, you know, you've navigated a lot with the girls. Um, but in the early years, there was a lot happening on farm when you had and you had your third, I believe, as well. So there was a lot. Tell us a bit about what was happening on farm 2019-ish. Yeah, that was a lot, that was a bit of a big time for you.

SPEAKER_04 23:32

Huge, huge couple of years. Um, Stella was born in the November of 2019. Um Pippa was 2018, so sort of 20 months before that as as well. Like I have a big gap and then the close again. But um, yeah, we had it was, you know, between Christmas and New Year, and there was a fire call, which is pretty usual for us in our area. We've got a fair bit of pine plantation and a huge lightning strike area. Um, and there was a fire, and off Will goes, as he does. Um, you know, he's there at the each, you know, RFS thing, and it turned out being the Duns Road fire that was he went to that day. Um, and so within three days, I think it was, um it's it was a funny fire, it flared up twice, but it went right through and burnt out Will's where Will's mum and dad live, the main farm. Um, and it was, you know, I had a six-week old, uh Pipples two, and you know, and then two little kids, and here we are getting evacuated. Um so off we go to the farm, like to mum and dad's, because that was sort of the opposite direction. Um, and it was pretty scary. There's a lot of trauma in it for lots of people. Um, you know, I didn't cope with it well at the time because you just don't know what's going on. Um, having a life 360 on Will's phone to know that his phone was still moving through those days was great because I couldn't contact him. He couldn't pick up a phone and talk to anyone. Um, there was a few close calls, even with people like Will. Um, but yeah, the farm burnt and we lost about 400 sheep and 40 cows um at the main part of the farm. So that was pretty, you know, it was awful. Um it was also one of those things that I think my brain also forgets about, cuts out that trauma stuff, which is also can be good because it doesn't sit with you all the time. Um and then within five to six days the fire then front started again and then it burnt our farm that our house is on. So we lost that farm as well. Um and well the Dundro fire was huge on the news at the time, you know, like it was massive. But it um we saved the houses, you know. We'd only been hadn't been living there that long. I didn't care about the house. I was like, I just wanted Will out of there, and you know, my brothers and dad and everyone's all there. And I'm you know, got these four kids just going, first tooth to fall out happened on that day for Bonnie, like it was just all happens at once. Um, but you know, we got through it um that part of the year. Um our community came together like no tomorrow, like we it's you know, no one can, you know, underestimate community when you need it, but you know, we had everyone was here, we had friends and family and all the things, so you know, I wouldn't want to live anywhere else, felt for that, and then next thing you know, we get locked up for COVID. So we're kicked out, locked in. So it's like, right, and now you've got to look well, not look after your own children, had to do that as well. I love daycare. Daycare was my favourite two days of the week for my kids. Um Possums is a second home for me. I still go to their Christmas parties every year, and I'm having their you know, Stella's in year one. Like it's we were there for 13 years straight at the daycare.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_04 27:22

That's a big part of your village. Not a huge part of my village, you know, and I still have coffees with the director and the girls, you know. Yeah, it's part of my life. So we're not being able to go to daycare because all of a sudden you couldn't.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

Um Yeah and So how soon how soon after the fires? Farms are burnt, you've evacuated, you've come home, farms are gone. How soon after that did COVID hit and what happened for you guys?

SPEAKER_04 27:49

Yeah, so that was between the start of January and middle of March is when COVID hit. I can't remember when we got locked in, but it was not long after that. It feels like it came at that term too for me. But um, you know, we had blaze aid here, and all of a sudden they're saying they can't come out and repair your fences because they could be spreading germs. And you're going, but we've got fences here that are completely, you know, a lot of those old fences were still the wooden fences, especially strainer posts. You can't just prop that back up. And, you know, these blaze aid people have to go out in single vehicles so they're not, you know, spreading COVID, and it was just crazy, you know, all the local people and organizations like that are amazing because they have the uh I think they called them the farmers' dinners on Thursday nights where the farmers and families could come in and have dinner with the people that had been doing their fences, which also is bringing people together in community when you have lost so much. Um, you know, and then we all weren't allowed to do any of it. So, you know, it was it was hard. Um Will had shoulder surgery as well in um the February, so he was half out of action, but you can't pick these things, can you? Like if they say you've got to do it, you've got to do what the doctors say.

SPEAKER_03 29:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:11

So and you get locked down, you get locked down in COVID with four kids, your youngest is a baby. And then what happens schooling-wise? Like, take us through, because this for you, I mean, I know people around the country had such different experiences in COVID, and I've got friends in the city who were in Melbourne, got locked down after lockdown, which, you know, in rural Australia I think we're quite protected from. You know, we at least we had the space, the space to run around, our kids to run around, not have to go to a playground in in the city. But still, the impact on mums in particular and the mental health. What happened to you when you were at home for kids homeschooling?

SPEAKER_04 29:48

I was trying to teach a daughter in yeah, must be in your two. Anyway, Laura and then Bonnie was in kindergarten in the first year of schooling. Pippa was two and a half, and Stella, and I remember them saying, right, so at 9.10, you're online for a Zoom meeting with this teacher, and at 9.20, you're on for this meeting. And I'm like, I'm gonna have boobs out here at some stage because how do you feed a kid, keep a two-year-old entertained, put a kid onto Zoom and another one onto Zoom when I don't even know how to use these platforms. Yeah. And every well, they weren't even, they were special school platforms, so it was just a nightmare. Um, I don't think we lasted very long. We had days where I would, if I had to go to work, I would physically go to work, but I had to still take Stella. Like, you can't leave her breast. And you know, even trying to walk around the supermarket with the baby was like it was bad. And I was like, well, what am I meant to do with her? I can't just leave her. Um so it was at one stage when our beautiful principal was doing the ring arounds, I think they were mental health check-ins. Um, and Will answered the phone and he just said, Look, the kettle in this house has boiled. And Kirsty said, Well, send them back to school. If it it's not worth it, if you can't teach them anything. Um, and so that's when we real I really knew something was different with Laura just because I couldn't get to her level to help her learn, and that's when we started the whole diagnosis stuff. Um we've got wonderful pediatrician in Canberra who just does kids with development delay um and behavioural issues. So she's so into this stuff, you know, she she's amazing. So we started medication for Laura, um, and that's been a game changer. She'll need it forever or until she can decide herself what she wants to do. Um, and then it was later that year, and after the Laura stuff, that I went, there's something up here. So I managed to see a psychiatrist, um, you know, the whole thing. I've got a my first ever fine for holding a phone because I was trying to find the doctor's surgery and to get to this specialist on one of them silly cameras. Um it was just, you know, when it rains it pours. So we um I went and saw a psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with ADHD, depression, anxiety, but he just calls it super mum. Um and he said, You just it all happened in such a short amount of time, so much stuff. He said you just your body just couldn't cope. Um, and you know, I'm now medicated myself, and I know within half an hour of not taking it that I haven't had it. My kids like, Mum, have you had your medicine yet? You know, so it's amazing what it does do for me.

SPEAKER_00 32:53

Um how did you first like what were the signs for you you mentioned earlier that you knew something wasn't right? You were so busy worrying about everyone else, like through the fires, four kids, a newborn, homeschooling, like COVID, pr a pressure cooker, you know, when you put it when you out yeah, it was. But how bad did the pressure get for you to actually make that decision to go and get some help?

SPEAKER_04 33:18

It got to the point where I was not able to get off the lounge, you know, or if Will walked in, I'd stop. I couldn't go any harder, I was exhausted. Um, and it affects your relationships, you know. But it's I've always known something was up. Because I always am a happy person on one side and I tell everyone I'm happy and then everything's fine, and then I can just have a meltdown and not be. But I never tell people about that stuff, you know. Why why not? How do you start that conversation? I do now. You know, I've got a a couple of girlfriends and I'm like, I'm having a bad day. And just saying it to someone you go, it's okay, it's it's normal. Um whereas before I would just pretend that it wasn't Yeah, I'd just pretend that it was fine, you know, and I say yes to everything. You know, if someone can you come and help me do this? Yep, I'll do that. Can you come and do this? Yep, I can do that. Um, but now I'm like, no, I also hate being at home. I hate days at home with the kids by myself, I just need to see people.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

Um Tell me more about that because I think it's probably something we don't hear a lot of mums talk about is not not enjoying being home with the kids just at all.

SPEAKER_04 34:47

But I now own it too. I'm like, I just I I don't know what it is. I think that the overwhelm of home gets to me. There's washing, there's food, there's shopping, there's all the things that have to happen, and I just get it just gets to me, you know. I really struggle. If I'm at home, I literally will lay on the lounge and do nothing for the day. And then my app will cut go off and it'll say that Will's left work, so I've got 15 minutes to get off the lounge and pretend like I've done something. Because some days I just can't. And everyone's like, you need to do that, but I'm like, I feel worse for doing that. Like I I don't I don't feel better at the end of the day for having a rest. I feel tired, I feel I've let myself down, not anyone else, but it's still your butt it's a weird thing, but that's just my brain. It talks to me all the time.

SPEAKER_00 35:39

So what do you do to quieten your brain and to actually look after yourself in a sustainable way?

SPEAKER_04 35:44

I need to go and have a coffee with someone, have a coffee. I need to go to s like I get to see my mum every time I go to work, I get to hang out with my dad and my brothers, like that to me is calming. People think you're mad going to work. It's like working in the cattle yards is the best thing for us, you know. It's just there's always a laugh, it's always, you know, something funny that happens, you know, and it's always, you know, just normal to me too, though.

SPEAKER_00 36:16

Yeah, and social, I guess that adult connection as well. So how do you manage the kids? Like as mum, for kids, knowing your brain works a certain way, knowing your own mental health and not liking school holidays. What do you do, Jess? For kids' school holidays or home days?

SPEAKER_04 36:32

How do you school holidays I reckon definitely organised by my man because it also falls at the end of every quarter when you're fully busy doing stuff on a computer where you can't make a mistake or you can't get distracted? Um it also falls on bull sales for us, so that's always good fun. So definitely April and September sale, like those holidays. It's just one week for Will and one week for me. I just go to work and I take the kids, or they stay home with me, and he has the same choice with his week. Um, that's been huge, you know, and his family know it's gonna happen too. So they say, Rotto, off you go, Will, yeah, like I've got the kids today, so if we're drenching sheep or whatever, they can help. But we might be a bit slower. Um yeah. And in the summer holidays, my mum has a pool at the farm, so mum does lots of sitting at the pool, and now that they're all big enough, she loves it because she doesn't actually have to consider jumping in to save someone.

SPEAKER_00 37:35

That's handy when they finally learn to swim. That's game's a big relief. Yeah, I wouldn't I wouldn't know mine is still uh struggle straight. Um but and I'm constantly on lifeguard duty. But for you now, they're what nearly 14, youngest is six. What's motherhood like for you at the moment? Pippa is eight, she's also been diagnosed with autism.

SPEAKER_04 37:58

I we picked up Pippa really early on, um just with the the what we knew with Laura previously, going down to the sleeping, you know, all of the little things, um the separation anxiety for drop-offs at school and daycare and all the things. So we were good, we got her diagnosed at three with a learning early development delay. Development delay. So we got that diagnosed, and you know, it was um, you know, really validating. You know, there the NDIS came out and did an assessment and said, There's nothing wrong with that little girl. And we said, Well, there he is. So the free school teacher, you know, showed them what happens, you know, on a day-to-day basis. Um, and she's had OT and stuff, either Zoom or face-to-face. It just depends on who's around, like we're always changing, you know, or is OT this week's gonna stop doing face-to-face, so now I've got to try and find a new OT. Like the family management of that, or whatever you call that, life management is just full on in my head. You know, look, Pippa's only got autism, not only, she's only got one diagnosis, and it's been so well managed. I feel that we've been able to help her by having all of the things in place beforehand. You know, what I'd learnt from Laura. Um, so that was amazing, you know, and she still struggles at the moment where we've got Bonnie who's an amazing little athlete, and I've haven't been home for a week for the last six weeks with different sports all over the state. And next week when I'm not home for ten days with her going playing different sports. Um, so she's a she's a little rugby union girl, so she still plays with the mixed boys in rugby union, and she's made the rep team for that. She's made rugby league teams, touch teams, netball teams, so it's just sport, sport, sport. And so yeah, Pip struggles with that because I'm not home. And it's there's not I can't give her a week that's the same, um, as well as throwing in a few bit of a sickness, you know.

SPEAKER_00 40:15

And is routine, I don't I don't know a lot about um autism or ADHD, but I have spoken to quite a few parents on the show who've shared their experience, every kid's different. But is routine for Pippa important? Yes, like having that stability. Not for me. I don't have routine. You know, I give myself that's so interesting. So that's the ADHD brain, because my husband's got ADHD, and I know you've met him and that's pretty bloody obvious once you do, but yeah, he just like does not like routine at all, can't stand it. But then on the other end of the spectrum, yeah, you've got a child with autism that actually needs routine. But then how does it work with your with your eldest who's got both? So Lauren does boarding school ex okay.

SPEAKER_04 40:55

She goes to weekly boarding in Wagga, and she that school week is routined down to the minute. Um it gives us all time. You know, I can't give her that dinner at six, make sure you're doing your study. I c I can't do that. I if we have dinner, I give myself a high five. You know, like otherwise you just make yourself something you'll get leftovers. So um and well saying that I don't cook dinner very often. That was one of my biggest mental health breaks, is I stopped cooking it. I said, they said, take something off your plate. And I said, Right, oh, I'm not doing dinner anymore. Because that's when I was my lowest um I ended up buying like ear pods with the noise cancelling and tried to cook dinner with those on so I couldn't hear the fighting and the bickering. Um, because it's just so overstimulating the noise, the bluey in the background, like they're all great, but it's just too much for me at the end of a day. But um, yeah, so that's probably one thing. Um, but I've never had routine. People say, you should meal prep. And I was like, yeah, but then if I don't cook it, then I'd probably feel little more let down that I didn't do what I said I would. I'm better off just having just planning as we go.

SPEAKER_00 42:15

So do you feel like you've embraced and surrendered to the chaos in your family? I mean, every family's chaotic, some more than others, some have strict routines, and you know, but what you've said to me, you know, you stopped cooking dinner, I know your husband stepped in to help with that. But in general, given life and the different needs of everyone, including yourself, like how would you describe how you handle chaos and your approach to it now versus perhaps years ago before you understood yourself a bit more?

SPEAKER_04 42:42

Oh, it's a lot better now. I know when to walk away. Um and I think looking at Laura, we're so alike, it's so scary that we both want to have the last word, we both want to tell each other what we want to think, what we want to say. Um, but you know, I think I'm better now. But then I was also mentally more stable ten years ago as well. So it's they're so contradicting on each other, each one's different, like you know, and every day is different, you know. Just you never know what's happening. Um and I suffer high blood pressure, so they you know, I have to um you know, all those things too, like I can tell where my blood pressure's rising because I start to stress out and they you know and that's the biggest thing for me, stress is my that's my um problem, I guess, but I can't get rid of that either. I could leave Will and the kids, you know, but that'd be more stress. He'd have to take on the apps. I'd have to explain to him how to book in an appointment, how to tell the school, then you have to tell the boarding house, and then you have to do all the things, you know, or if I left my job. How do I do that without everyone ringing me seven times a day to say, Yeah, well that well, how do I do this, Jess? So I and I couldn't live with either of them. I would literally have to be pulled out of this world, put on another country with a different name, and start again because I couldn't take my I can't take one of them out.

SPEAKER_00 44:22

Yeah, and I see that like removing those big responsibilities are like near impossible or feel near impossible, but there are ways obviously to reduce stress in smaller ways. How much of you guys two years ago packing up everything, chucking everything in a caravan, how much of that was because you just needed a bit of a timeout?

SPEAKER_04 44:44

Oh, it was a huge, a huge part of that. We sort of planned it not long after the fires. We said we're gonna do this. You only get one chance at this. Like, you'd have no idea what's gonna come around. Um, I've had days where I physically couldn't get out of bed and you know, the kids have had to do everything for me. Like it got pretty low. But it was also something you don't talk about because then you've gotta validate that you're okay at the other end. And I know I'm okay. It's just that there's days that are harder. So and Will is the most opposite person to me. He could say, Jeez, you I don't know, that red hair looks shocking on you today. And I'm like, You can't say that to someone. He's like, I don't care. You know, whereas I go home and say, I think I offended that lady because she's got red hair and then I'll think about it for three days, and then I'll have to message her to say, I'm so sorry, I think I offended you a bit and then that person says, I've no idea what you're talking about, you know, like so different brains. And Will's he could a hundred percent have ADHD and he knows it, but you know, being a farmer is so on the go, you know, like he's constantly moving and he like it's so different. We're all so different in a way. But yeah, so we decided to buy a caravan. I'm a compulsive sp spender, so Willie saved up for us and bought us a caravan. Um and we just went to Beef Week and we we we met up there. Um three yeah, that will be three years ago. Nearly to the day. Um two two years ago. Two years.

unknown 46:31

No.

SPEAKER_00 46:31

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, 2024. Two years ago. Yeah, so for background everyone, Jess and I just bailed me up. I don't know where we were in sheepyards or I can't remember, but you were like, Steph, anyway, that's cattle yards. Yeah, I remember meeting you at Beef Week, which was pretty cool. Um, but yeah, so you guys did three and a half months around Australia, bit of a time out for the family. What was it like doing that?

SPEAKER_04 46:53

Um, oh seeing seeing the country was unreal. Spending time with Will and the kids, you know, like we got into a pretty good routine in the end, you know, it was um I don't think there's any bad days, like people say, you know. And if we were having a tough time, we'd just go get a motel. You know, if you wanted a natural bed you know a natural bed. All that you know, highlights for me were going to a laundromat for like a whole day with all of the sheets and all of the towels. Um obviously you can't wash your sheets as much as you want. You've got you're camping ultimately. You can't shower as much. So, you know, going to the laundromat was a highlight. So we would do that by myself. Um we had broken arms on the trip, like it all happens. Um, but you know, still to this day the kids always talk about where we were and their favourite places, and you know, and there was places that we couldn't go to because they were closed, so you know, we we've got to go back at some stage. Um it's an expensive little exercise, and it would be even more so now. But we were lucky enough to not have to homeschool those three months. Our little school decided that it was they were gonna learn enough in that with us in that three months that they weren't gonna be disadvantaged at the other end. Um, yeah, imagine it, mate, trying to sit down. I'm not a homeschooler, I've already worked that out. Yeah. So we decided to not um not to do that. But they learnt so much, you know, reading maps and going all over the place.

SPEAKER_00 48:38

And how would you describe, you know, it's been two years um, or yeah, a bit under since you got back from that trip. Where are you at now as a family, but you in particular, because you've been really open about your own journey, your well-being, your mental health journey, and that, you know, you're you're medicated, you know yourself now, you know, you know what you know how to take care of yourself. You know that if you need to take something off your plate, how to do that. For example, the dinner thing, which is a very simple thing. It sounds simple, but I can actually imagine the impact that would actually have. I think a lot of mums listening would be like, oh yeah, because that for me is a massive trigger, is what to cook for every night for the rest of our lives. But anyway, um, so tell me a bit about how you are now compared to years ago when you were at Rock Bottom. How are you honestly now?

SPEAKER_04 49:23

I'm okay. And I will say that openly. Um, I have, you know, even down to last week bad days, but I now I now know when to ask for help. I know to tell people I'm having a bad day, and I'm not I can't do it today. Someone else will have to do it. Um and that also comes down to you know like even if it's just to send send a message and I'm like, don't ring me today. Like I've had eight phone calls while you and I are talking. Like it's just crazy, my phone's going all the time. And because I didn't answer, then they think there's something wrong. Like, there's also that much love in our family that you know, they're like, Oh, she's had a bad day. So, you know, we know um as a family and as a business what's going on. But e every every month is another step on this parenting thing that you don't know what's gonna happen. So like this term is sport for Bonnie and it feels like we're spending our whole life on her. But she's only gonna be twelve once and we're only six once when you can do this. Once you get to high school, this you know, if you want to and follow your sporting thing, you've got to like she has to start doing it. Whereas I can open these pathways for her now. Um, Laura the same, she's just done a musical at school and absolutely loved the dancing, so you know, and we all went and watched and have the time of our life. So it's sort of finding that balance. But the little kids aren't there yet, you know, and it's really hard for them to know that I'm not using they're not forgotten. It's just they're not at that stage yet, but they can't see that that's not going to happen for them. But it will, you know. I'll everyone, you know, if we've got to go to four different high schools, you've got to go to four different high schools. I'm really just trying to do what we can the best way we can for each child. You know. It's hard though, but we're getting there.

SPEAKER_00 51:24

And in between the mental load, on farm, off farm, for kids, schooling, sporting, travel, everything you've talked about, and your your you know, the way your brain works and all the challenges you've navigated, what do you do for fun that brings you joy? Is there space in your life? Because when I met you and when I've met you two times I met you, you come across very joyful, like a very jolly, happy and I and that's not always a reflection of what's going on in someone's life, as we know, and you've shared that openly today. But do you have space for fun in your life? Like, do you do anything that brings you joy if you can carve out any time for it?

SPEAKER_04 52:06

Well, I guess uh like like literally my coffee every day is a is self-care to me. But I'm not athletic, I don't want to go and play sport, but I'm happily going speak to other mums at footy training with the kids. I'll happily go to netball training and do, you know, all those things. So I guess I don't have a hobby and ADHD people don't have hobbies, they start 27,000 hobbies and then they do one cross stitch and then go, I don't like that cross stitch anymore, so I'm just gonna go on to the next thing.

SPEAKER_00 52:40

Just laughing because this is my husband.

SPEAKER_04 52:43

Anyway, yeah, yeah. Like I can't have a hobby. Whereas you know, I think honestly, just going out and checking the heifers by myself can be yeah, the most, you know, calming thing I can go through, you know, like um so I'm pr I'm I am bad at it. But you know, it's just the way it is and I'm not feeling like I'm missing out on anything either.

SPEAKER_03 53:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:11

I don't resent that I've got nothing. That's important when we'll we'll play footy, I used to love it. You know, yeah his sad days at footy, watching him even just sitting in the car, even if we have to go to hay for a game of football, like that's I don't know, four hours or something. But that's eight hours that I get to hang out with him, which you don't on on a on a day like at night time, you don't talk for four hours, you know.

SPEAKER_00 53:35

Yeah, that is so true. And I I I loved what you said about um you don't feel like you're missing out, because I think this is a really important thing for mums who have kids of any age and just humans in general, as I think we put pressure on ourselves to carve out stuff just for us or have a hobby, or you know, like it's it's hard because you see people out there who, you know, find time to paint and find time to crochet, and you know, and and it's hard because everyone's brain's different, it sometimes can make you feel guilty, like you should have something for you. But I've also spoken to mums, and I remember Laura Wilson, who's got six kids, been on the podcast. I remember her talking about this, is she is genuinely happy in the season she's in, not having time for things, mentally healthy, looking after herself, but not in the way that a lot of people say, you know, self-care and do hobbies. So do you genuinely feel that? Do you feel like you're okay with not having time and space for all these things for yourself? Because some women are resentful of it, you know. There are a lot of women who are exhausted and they'd kill to do X, Y, and Z. They wish they could have time to take a bath or whatever it might be. How do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_04 54:42

Oh, I don't I probably feel a bit the same that it is a season. Um, but I often don't see the season until it's passed. And I'm at the end of it, I'm like, holy duly, I'm exhausted. I do things now in the last few years for my um on an exercise thing. Like I've my another assistant-in-law has a Pilates studio and I go to reform a Pilates and maybe make a few people laugh. I go to the gym and you know, whinge about how heavy the weights are. But I think that if I can make my make someone else laugh, that alpha also makes me laugh. And so it's a good thing, you know. Like smiling is the most the best medicine. Um so I guess I just do that. I'm yeah, once every season passes, I then can reflect on it. But you don't know what you're going through each month, you know. Like we've got four girls to go through puberty yet. Like, that's gonna be a big season. Um Will's one of four boys, so it's just gonna be an eye for us.

SPEAKER_00 55:50

And yeah, and you've got the two brothers. Um yeah, and I and it's interesting, that's true. So often you don't know and appreciate what you've been through until the season's over. And I think that's um I think it's also sad too, because I think as mums, we need to give ourselves credit for what we're doing in this season. You know, just everything you've just told me, and I know you've never shared your story like this before, but there's so much that's happened to your family in the last six, seven years. Like, you know, so much in such a short time while navigating the pressures of farm life, two properties and four girls with additional needs, plus your own. Like it's so much, Jess. So I hope that you're proud of what you're navigating while you're in this season. Don't wait till next season to get back because I think I think you're doing a bloody amazing job. And I wanted to finish on I guess a bit of a fun note. You've shared so much openly, but at the conference, I'm hoping that I see you at the next one. Um, there's a special something that will be at the next auction. Can you just tell everyone what happened at the last conference and what are you planning at the next one?

SPEAKER_04 56:50

Well, the plan isn't set yet, but at the last auction, um, you know, we had Katrina Roundtree there doing this amazing night anyway. And as a as a person, someone starting an auction just helps the mood. So I started off bidding, and this girl nearly had a heart attack next to me. And I said, What's wrong? She said, You can't bid on that. And I said, Well, why not? Like, if it's on what? On one of the things. Because you bid on devices. This was on early on in the night. On early on, okay, yeah. So I before Meg Ryan, before Meg Ryan. Before Meg came. Anyway, so we did this thing and she's like, You can't buy that. And I said, I'll buy something tonight. And she said, No, you won't. Anyway, some of those artworks were worth what they went for. How was I going to guess an artwork that was six foot six home anyway? Like I don't even have a wall big enough for that. We live in a three-bedroom house with one bathroom. Like anyway. Then Sam gets up with his mystery.

SPEAKER_00 57:51

Yeah, so my Sam, this this is I'm I should have really kicked started this story if you're not going to be able to do that. I'm near nearly done. So my husband my husband Sam was occ was one of the auctioneers of the gala dinner, and he decided to donate, just throw in at the last minute this photo of Meg Ryan, the actress, authentically signed by her, like with a certificate to show it's real. And so he started, he's like, I'm gonna throw this in the auction. I was like, oh my god, this is so embarrassing because he bought it at an auction and didn't even really want it, but like just got competitive and bought it and ended ended up bringing her home. And I'm like, I'm just have no interest in this woman hanging on our wall. Anyway, so he's chucked into the auction and Jeff, somehow you end up going home with Meg Ryan. I did go home with Meg Ryan.

SPEAKER_04 58:32

Um, bit of a it's got a personal joke to it as well. So Will and I have bought a spray drone and we've both got our licenses for it now. Not that I fly it, but we call Will Maverick, like off um uh Top Gun. And oh now I've forgotten her name, but Meg Ryan was the wife of the of the first Top Gun movie of the Hun the Best Friend that died. And so Oh so when I said to Will I brought the link. Yeah, I said to Will I've brought Matt, I've brought um something home from Top Gun. But let's say that I've probably got 47 jerseys in our shed from things that Will's bought at auctions that no one wears, football jerseys, so I'm pretty sure I can do it. But oh so funny, you'll see him when we're leaving that thing, and all Steph just goes, looks at me and says, Good riddance.

SPEAKER_00 59:30

I know, I just was like, Goodbye, Meg, good riddance. It was very funny, and I wanted to finish on a fun note because I did just see you at conference and it was a beautiful night and we had a good laugh. And, you know, I know that life is, you know, serious and there's a lot going on. I think it's really important to just celebrate the silly things as well, like the Meg Ryan thing. And hopefully I'll see you at the next conference, which will be sometime in 2028. Um, but I wanted to say such a huge thank you, Jess, for sharing your story with us. It's been so beautiful to get to know you a bit more. And yeah, thank you for being so honest.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:02

No, that's okay. Thanks for having me, Steph.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:04

Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Motherland is produced and hosted by me, Steph Trithe, and edited by the wonderful Eliza Ratcliffe. Now, don't forget about Pop Family Speech Pathologists, Australia's largest online speech pathology practice, supporting families nationwide with expert care and no wait list. Founded by Outback Queensland local Heidi Trussler, Pop was built to make support more accessible for rural and regional families. To learn more or book online, head to the link in today's show notes. That's it from everyone. Thank you so much for tuning in. If you love the podcast, please take 10 seconds to leave a review. It really would mean so much. Thank you to all of you who have already done so over the years. It really does help us get the podcast out there more into more ears around the country. In the meantime, I will catch you next week.