Episode 91: We're About to Crash Out | El Efecto Podcast

Episode 91: We're About to Crash Out | El Efecto Podcast 

Lately, life has felt more like a to-do list than something we're actually enjoying. This week, we're getting honest about burnout, hustle culture, and the pressure to always be doing more (even when we're running on empty). If any of this resonates with you this episode is for you

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Patty 🖤
IG: https://www.instagram.com/__unapologe...
Tiktok: @patty_gonz

Melissa ✨
IG: https://www.instagram.com/melissa.dsa...
https://www.instagram.com/d.santibout...
Tiktok: @melissadesantiago8

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Hey guys, I'm Melissa. I'm Patty. Here we are. Elefecto Podcast. Welcome back, y'all. Yes, welcome back. Hope you enjoyed our last episode. I know it's been a minute since we've been on. We just had some logistical issues today.

SPEAKER_03 0:22

Um, but yeah, we hope you guys enjoyed our last episode. We're excited to be back because this episode's gonna be good.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

I feel like honestly, this is gonna I feel like the last episode should have come with a trigger warning. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I just feel like we needed that conversation. And since that conversation, when we were planning, like, okay, what are we gonna talk about the next episode? We honestly started with just like, how are you doing? Like, what's going on? And I literally told Melly, I was like, bitch, I'm like, I told her verbatim. Forbatum. I was like, I'm not burnt out yet, but I'm like on the cusp of burnout. I'm like, I feel it. Yeah. And I'm just like, I I feel like I'm stuck, like I'm just in this cycle, and I'm like, I don't like this. Yeah. And then we were just chatting, and then we're like, wait, we should talk about this.

SPEAKER_03 1:16

Yes. No, guys, because like literally to Patty's point, like when we were having that conversation, like a week later, like days later, same, I was like, oh my god, I would have got the crash out. Yes. I literally, guys, I was like, I crashed out. I was like, I had to leave the office because I was like, I'm about to freaking like go pop off. And it was in that moment, I was like, damn, I think I'm getting to that moment. Same. Like, I'm like, it's just, it was just exhausting. It was like I was exhausted. And yeah, so we thought, like, one, um, let's talk about it because it's true to just day to day, and it looks like you know, it's work, it's life, it's everything.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Like, yeah, and it's obviously it's almost like our new normal, yeah. So it's like, okay, it's not gonna stop because we're still gonna go to work, we're still gonna the world is still going to shit, and like we still have to figure out and maneuver things, and we're all going through things personally, so it's just okay. That's unfortunately our normal right now, but we still gotta do things to regulate ourselves and our nervous system and all that stuff. So what is that gonna look like? But it's literally not just us. No, at work, we're I was talking to my VP, bruh. We were I literally told her, I was like, I'm this close to crashing out. And she's like, I feel you. She's like, same. She's like, I completely understand. And she was like, it's so poor. And I told her, I was like, my indicator, you know, like how they have like a recession indicator, da da da. My indicator that I'm about to crash out or like burn out is when I stop enjoying Soul Cycle. And I told her, I was like, I'm forcing myself to go. Well, I wasn't going as consistently because just like work and everything. But the last like three weeks, I've been forcing myself. I've been going three to four times a week. And in the beginning, I was like, like, I'm it's definitely I'm forcing myself to go. And then like the second week, I was like, okay, now I'm excited. Like now I I got it back.

SPEAKER_03 3:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

And she's like, No, you have to keep going. Yeah, she's like, you have to move your body, you gotta do those things for you. Cause she was like, Your life can't just be work. And I literally looked at her and I was like, That's pretty much my life. I literally just work and I can pop into Soul Cycle and do this, and that's it.

SPEAKER_03 3:26

And you're like, that's it. No, but like, and I love that you said that because one thing that I keep consistent every single time at least I try to, or my walk, you guys know this. My walks with Kane. Well, also, you have to walk him. Yeah, I have to walk him.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

But yeah, I guess that's why it's consistent. He's holding you away.

SPEAKER_03 3:43

Yes, and it's like, but those are my moments where I'm like, oh my god, I can actually oh my god, I can I know it's like what happened there. I can actually just like walk, be in my own thoughts, or like not think about anything at all, and like just chill because it's crazy, like to constantly like Patty was saying, like constantly being like on, and then um, you guys, we've talked about this before as well, but right now that like work isn't everything. I feel like I've always had such a hard time with that, like turning it off after like you know, getting out of work, and it was becoming that I was getting home, guys, like at 7 8 p.m. We're leaving the office. I was like, this is insane, like this is not okay. And then um, so finally I set that boundary too. I'm like, nope, late is 5 30. I gotta get out because I'm getting home at 8 p.m. going to sleep. Uh-uh, it was becoming the same thing over and over. It was like, I'm so done. It was crazy.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Yeah, and then you literally don't have enough time to recuperate to come back in the next day and do it all over again. So literally, you need that time, and also like the work is still gonna be there. Yeah, like and it's just hard because in any job, especially in corporate America, everything is an emergency. Everything's an emergency, but it's not because in your list of priorities, there's a top priority in there. Yeah. So it's like realistically, we got two hours to do this. Which ones do you want me to do? Yeah. The other ones are gonna wait. And that's when you communicate to the other party, you're getting this this day. You don't ask, can I send this? You're getting it. I think when I first started with my company, I was very much like, is it okay if I do this tomorrow? And they'd be like, Yeah, but I would love if you could send it today, and I would feel guilty. And then a more senior um assistant at the time was like, Girl, don't ask. Tell them that like, okay, I'm gonna do this, and I'm sending that tomorrow morning. And she's like, just like that. When I started doing that, they're like, Okay. And I'm like, oh, bitch, say love. Really, great because and get best believe, first thing in the morning, I s because end of day, first thing in the morning, if you're on the same coast for the most part, it's the same thing. Even if they're on the east coast, like they're not gonna see her. Like, depending on like, yeah, if I send it end of day, you're not gonna look at it. If I send it first thing in the morning, you'll get it around like lunchtime. Like Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:02

But yeah, I started to do that now as well because it's just like to your point, it's not like it's not a priority, and we can't keep doing that same thing and that breaking that cycle because then at one point, um, when I'm not like providing something ASAP or you know, it's not being being done a certain way, like I've now I guess like now I've made people be like, okay, she's gonna get it done at this time, and if I don't, it's like this big thing, and it's like, wait, no, like that's it can't be that same constant, like ex I They can't I can't keep that expectation of myself every single day, you know?

SPEAKER_00 6:34

Yeah, but also like because a lot of times they just assume that is the expectation go forward, you need to communicate that. Yeah, you're gonna be like, guys, like, oh, I'm sending this this day. Yeah, I and I think this is like a this is like um a trauma response, like I am constantly over explaining. So like if I haven't if I have like a long to-do list and I've already said I'm gonna get it done, the next time I have to check in with someone who like I'm doing something for, uh we're just chatting about something else. I'm like, oh, and by the way, I'm that's still on my radar. I haven't gotten into it, I'm gonna get it. Like you have you have to do those check-ins because they're everywhere. People are gonna like, wait, did you do it? Yes or no? And it's like you could have been like, no, I told you I was going to, but there's just so many things going on. Yeah. So it's just overcommunicate. So we're just gonna get into a little bit more about like the burnout because it's it's coming. It's right there, baby. It's it's right there, like yakasi. Done. No, literally, but it's honestly and I think we've said this. I don't know if we said it already. If I know when we've talked about it, if like the difference between like getting through life and living life, what side are you on?

SPEAKER_03 7:57

Right now, I think I'm I'm getting through to luckily I have a trip where I'm like, I just want to live. Like, I'm like, that's where I'm at. Like, right every single day, guys, it's been like, oh my god, I'm just like getting there. I'm like stretching for that like trip. I'm like, I'm done. Like, even for this weekend, I the fact that I was like, I cannot wait. I at least have Monday off. Like, I don't want to do anything, or I just want to like chill. Like, oh, I just yeah, that's where I'm at right now.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Yeah, I would say I'm definitely getting through life. Yeah, I'm not living. I'm my weekends are just recuperation.

SPEAKER_03 8:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Because like I we were literally just talking about this. I was like, bitch, I got zero plans. Like my calendar is Monday through Friday. Suck. My calendar, at least work-wise. Well, the good thing is now we have summer Fridays, so I at least get that time back on a Friday, and that just feels so yeah nice. Like I can mentally turn off my work brain earlier, and I'm like, oh, that just helps so much. But literally, yesterday when I was going to sleep, there was something I was like, I was like, I'll think about it on Tuesday, but I was like, fuck, I didn't do that. Like, no, and I'm like, I don't, I hate that. Like, yeah, sometimes like fuck, I didn't do that. Or like out of nowhere, it just comes, yeah. I'll be like, shit, did I send that email? Like, did I save that file? Yes, did I refresh? Not to refresh. Sometimes I save. The worst is when you don't save. Tell me about it. Trigger me about it.

SPEAKER_03 9:24

No, no, but definitely on that note, like getting through life. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

But I feel like it's also speaking more about work. I think this like our we grew up in the time of like you just gotta put your head down to work. Like hustle culture is very, very much a thing, and I'm I definitely believe like you do need to work hard, but I don't think that needs to be the only thing that you do because clearly I'm only in the moments when I have the balance where like I'm working really hard, but I'm also like rewarding myself with whatever that looks like trips, hanging out with friends, solo dates, being a potato, like all the it's a combination of all of that though. That's when I feel balanced, but when it's constantly just like work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, like that's when I'm just like it definitely yeah, it just takes a a toll.

SPEAKER_03 10:24

Yeah, yeah, and I feel like um that's and that's what creates a burnout too, because I'm like constantly not like just being on and focusing on work, and then I'm not prioritizing myself. And even then, like to your point, like the weekends, guys. There is what like I think it was last weekend or maybe two weekends ago. Uh, there was a Saturday. I had last weekend. It was I yeah, I'm like, I don't I think it was last week. I was like, guys, I had nothing to do, chill, and I was like, great, I can like just be at home, be by myself, like do whatever. Tell me why. I was outside and I almost crashed out. I was like, oh my god, like I like felt like I I'm like this is what did I do? Yeah, I was like, so this is been out. I was like, I have nothing. I had already walked cane. I had my car, I was like, and I'm like, I was sitting outside, I'm like, no, like I have to do something, like I have to go somewhere, and like I like I have to do something. Girl, you need to go be with my girl Desiree because that nervous system is out of whack, baby. No, and in that moment, I was like, oh my god, like the intention was there, and it was just like there was no way, and I and I'm even if I wanted to take a nap, I'm always like, I grew up, like if I'm taking a nap or if I'm trying to like chill and rust, I get screamed at and yelled at, like, get up, you're lazy, get up, you can't do that, or whatever. So I can't like yeah, it took years, guys, for me to even be able like I'ma take a nap, and because I want to take a nap. You're like my body needs it. Yeah, like, and because I was always so single, it's like I'm like, I'm done, please. I just want to rest. But no, I that Saturday just made me realize. I'm like, Melissa, like, chill, like, just enjoy the day off that you have nothing. But I also I think it had to do with the fact, guys, that I was I had a moment to be in my thoughts and think about everything that is like here. And I'm like, wait, oh my god. So, and that's like a coping mechanism. Don't fucking yell at me. Literally, I was like, damn.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

I was like, bitch, you snapped the fuck out of it. I was like, you got some shit to figure out. I think it's it's a mix because you also said like growing up, like yeah, that. But it's definitely, I think a lot of people have that where it's like if you're resting is associated with like laziness, or like you don't care, or like I I'm constantly doing like, oh my god, you're doing that, I'm out here doing this. Cause I always think about like, for example, my dad is retired. My dad has been retired since I started working. Yeah. Almost I think almost nine years, almost ten. And like you would think, and I think also like this to split on the beginning, like, what am I gonna do? That guy clocks in like at like 7 a.m. to like 2 33, just outside. Like, if you drive down our block. Oh, I literally know exactly that's what you're laughing because I know cutting the ground. Yeah, this dude paint painting, dude. Do you know what the fucking project he did? He removed he took off the fence. Yeah, the gate on the outside. Yeah, he added one cinder block one cinder block to each of the pillars to make it higher. It looks the same. It looks the same, but also I think it's like he knows no other way. Yeah. But literally, I was like, I looked at my mom and she's like, I was like, she's like, I was like, siempre afuera, nunca adentro. She just rolled her eyes. That triggered her. That triggered her. Um, but yeah, I think it's because he just doesn't know. Or or if someone's like, oh, I'm gonna go do this and relax, he's always like, Oh, you're lazy, man. You're lazy. I'm like, the flex to me is not that you're working harder, constantly working. That doesn't want a flex to me. I don't want to work the rest of my fucking life. I want to set things up so that is working in the background so I can live my life. Yeah, that is the flex. Yep. But I think because you know, they they had to build everything, they just know work, work, work, work, work. Yeah. They just she said, I'm a genius. Shakira. Is that you? Um But yeah, I think they they just know work. So if you're not working, you're seen as lazy. And I feel like at work, like actual work, it can't come like perception is reality. So like you always want to look like you're doing something or girl. I get up and walk around when I'm in the office. And if anyone says, like, oh my god, you're not at your desk, and I'm like, Because I'm building relationships, if I instead of sending an email asking a question, we're in the office. I'm like, get my happy ass up, go get water, get my steps in, and go have a conversation. And on the way, I end up running into other people like another manager, people I haven't seen, and I'm like, How are you? Like, what's going on in your world? Then they're asking about me, what are you working on? Da da da da. Yep. Oh, I love that. And then when I go back to my desk and I chat, like chop it up with my VP, I'm like, oh, I ran into so-and-so. We were talking about this. I heard they're doing this in their world, da da da. Like, girl, like I know what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_03 15:45

Yeah, you're like, and it no, and I love that because for so long, and I think guys, like this came off of a conversation that you and I had for so long. I was like, oh my god, I just have to be at my desk, I have to get it done. And then it's like, no, like now it's going to to your point. Hey, we're gonna set it up in person. I go to someone's desk. I'm like, hey, I don't know what this is. Um, I do the same thing. I'm like, I'm just gonna go talk to them. Why am I gonna spiral trying to figure it out if they're sitting right across, like, you know, or like worry on making sure that your email is clear enough to ask the question?

SPEAKER_00 16:15

Yeah, girl, pick up the phone, get on teams. I'm gonna go to your desk. Like, yeah, I send, I cold call people on TV. They're like, oh my, and I'm like, what is the issue? Like, I don't think it's if we're in the office. Clearly, we're going back and forth. I cold call you, why are you surprised? No, I started doing that.

SPEAKER_03 16:32

No, and it was there is one girl. She was like, Oh, Melissa, did you mean to come in? I'm like, Yeah, I'm like, hey, so this is happening, and also because there is a long thread of just back and forth. I'm like, dude, let's just get on a float get up in their face. No, and then um, but right now, uh, taking it back also to what you were mentioning about your dad, like, you know, like doing all of these projects and whatever to like, you know, fill his difference, no, no, no, but so my dad, similarly, because all he does is work when he's at home, he does like one thing about him, he does not care. He's like, I'm gonna chill, I'm gonna sit my happy ass inside or outside, whatever. But it goes back to that same stigma because then he'll be like, wait, no, I have to like, you know, do the back or like do whatever, like like stuff that he can't normally do because he's like working. And then I but I told him, like, dad, like just chill, like have a moment to yourself. He's like, No, but then this and that and that and that, and like his mind starts carrying.

SPEAKER_00 17:37

And then your mom.

SPEAKER_03 17:38

No, and then I was gonna connect that. And then I'm like, because then my mom's like, Well, you haven't done this, this, this, this, this, this, because you're working, and then it's like in that moment, but it like yeah, like it just reminded me of that because it's like the the whole our whole life, like we've all known to just like get it done, yeah, you know, whether it's work, whether it's at home, whatever. So you're feeling some sort of guilt, like for just relaxing.

SPEAKER_00 18:04

No, literally, which is a great way to like tie this in. So we have this little like segment where it's like survival mode confessions. So I'm just gonna read a list of things that have to do with like the topic, and we're either gonna say yes, we do it, or no, we don't do it. Okay, so thumbs up or thumbs down. The first one we we both know that we all know the answer. I feel guilty resting. I'm like here. I'm more here. Yeah. Yeah. I like, and that makes me so sad. Yeah. So this is the thing. If I'm if I'm gonna take a nap, I'm gonna take a nap. But then I literally have it's like after where I'm like, I wasted my whole fucking day. I could have done this, I could have got coulda, shoulda, woulda, yep, pasol. But guess what? A bitch is tired. Yeah. Okay, next. I answer emails too fast because I'm scared of seeming lazy. But okay, yes. Also, but I need to get my answers. Yeah. So like if it's like texting. If you know you got them, bitch, I'm going ASAP. Like, let's go.

SPEAKER_03 19:10

No, I uh I completely agree with that. But lately I've been kind of like mid just because also in like in my job right now, we are constantly in meetings and calls. And what I noticed that I was doing because I had that, like, oh my god, I need to make sure my inbox is up to date. I would be answering or responding to emails while I'm on calls, like kind of trying to like, you know, multitask. Exactly. And then I wasn't fully present in the conversation, I would miss shit. I'm like, oh fuck. Or I would be focusing on the email and then I would miss something on the email. I'm like, no, like so. I've started to like now, okay, just whenever you can, but usually in the morning I have my block. I'm always like, that's me.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

Like my mo I say this all the time, my most productive time are the first two hours I'm online. Because that is when I cle I go through every single email in my inbox. I s and I like color code shit so I know like I do things, I put flags, I like clean that shit up, and then I start making my to-do list. Okay, this needs to go first. What are quick emails I can like yes, no, file, cool, thanks, confirming. And a lot of times, like I'll just get a bunch of emails from the same person, like shooting things at me. I will respond in one email and I'll literally bullet everything, and these are the updates. And then I have one thread. I literally like these are the updates. Or again, I'll wait until I see someone in person. Saw your email. I've been running around, like, we'll get back to you. They're like, Oh no worries, like, thank you for letting me know. Literally, that's it. Sometimes they just want the confirmation that you got it. Yeah, they just want to know, like, just communicate. Yeah, saw your email, we'll get back to you. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 20:49

Yeah, and then yeah, there's times too. I'm like, just confirming your receipt, save it, and then come back to it. But yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

The third one, I panic when I'm not busy. Clear clearly, what I just told you guys. So yeah. Uh I feel like I'm like the I'm more here, but I think I'm more like that. Because it's not that I don't panic that I'm not busy, because I feel like Monday, again, my nine to five, I'm non-stop for the most part. I have a lot of things in practice where like I can automate things, and like I have I'm quick with certain things, so I'm like, okay, like it's a good balance, but I wouldn't say panic when I'm not busy. It's more so when I don't have when I'm not busy with fun stuff. That's when I panic, because I'm like, okay, I guess I'm just gonna stay home again. Like there's literally nothing to do. Yeah, but yeah, but other than that, I feel like I'm working keeps me busy. Yeah. I treat relaxing like a reward instead of a necessity.

SPEAKER_03 21:53

Wait, actually, no, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah. Yep, yes, as a reward.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

We see it as a reward, not as A necessity. It's more so it's something that I get to do, like if I have time versus like it's a priority.

SPEAKER_03 22:08

Yeah, no, a hundred percent. And it goes back to again, like because growing up, it was always like, no, you're being lazy, so you shouldn't be able to do that. So it it continues with that like guilt, like it's just yeah natural.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

I feel like I my like way of scapegoat for that is the working out because I'm still productive, I'm moving my body, it's good for me. I'm around people, yeah. But that's also I I genuinely love Soul Cycle. Yeah. So like that's that's like it's like a I get both.

SPEAKER_03 22:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

So it's like, yes, I'm it's a necessity and I'm prioritizing it. But and it's also like fun. But it's like it's still something where I'm in my head, I'm like, okay, I'm doing it because I know I have to do it. Yeah. I apologize before asking for help. I do that a lot. I feel like I do, but not at work. I think it's more like personal stuff. Like I I feel like if I'm like I rarely ask people in my personal life for help. So if I actually I don't apologize. I s I over think. Like I'm over like, thank you so much. Like I know you're super b if people consider that apologizing, but I'm just like, you don't understand how much this means to me. Like I like, thank you, thank you so much. Like I'm so grateful. I like reassure I reassure them like overly, even though they've already said yes, but at work, like I feel like the line is always like sorry to interrupt, like I do say that right now, like but like I'm not I'm not apologizing because I need your help. I'm more so like excuse me, like I need I need you for two seconds, like type of thing.

SPEAKER_03 23:51

Yeah, no, I feel like I yeah, like I definitely catch myself saying like I'm sorry a lot first, like and I feel I don't know. I it's for me, I'm like I don't want to be an inconvenience, and like that's where I I that comes from. And like, oh like yeah, like that I it's not like I I shouldn't be apologizing, but yeah, I do that a lot.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

No, I feel like it's just like a phrase that we just like auto, it's like auto like I don't think about it. Yeah, because I'm not sorry that I'm asking you for yeah, you know what at the end of the day, if you want me to get this done, you're gonna have to help me.

SPEAKER_03 24:23

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Like, yeah, I need answers from you. That's the only reason, because I can get 90% of this done on my own, but that 1% like 10%, like I need you to help. Yeah, just to fill in the gaps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel weird when people take care of me.

SPEAKER_03 24:41

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 24:43

This one.

SPEAKER_03 24:44

Yeah. I'm like a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

Yeah, thank you. That's I'm like, I feel like we need to. We both are like, we don't want to talk about this. Like, no, thank you. Yeah, it just feels weird. Like, I feel like the only time, like, even with my parents, like it's very rare if I ask them for and when I do, it's anxiety. Yeah, I will go to Medley first. Yeah, literally, I will go to Medley first. Like, I'll just be like, bitch, like we can't, you know, and it's both ways. Like a couple weeks ago, she's like, bitch, I was like, bitch, I got you. Don't worry about it. Dude, I'm always preparing for the worst case scenarios. Yeah.

unknown 25:25

Me.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

Me, I literally had a conversation. No, it's I swear, she literally is ready at all times. And it's not like I have like an emergency kit. I don't have any of that shit. But my brain is constantly on where it's like, okay, what is okay, like literally always, like if there is an emergency, if there's like an active shooter in this building, what are we gonna do? Where are we gonna go? Immediately I'm like, okay, how much like we have about like 10 seconds to get out of this room for them me now thinking, I'm like, oh my god, if there is a year because we would have like 10 seconds for them to get from where we entered from to get to this level. Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, okay, I'm my my mind's already like, okay, we're gonna go this way. Yeah, we'll go in here. Yeah, we just have to listen and be very, very quiet. Immediately I'm going on I'm we're calling number one and I'm going on live because you're recording this. Because if if we can't get if no, if we can't speak, y'all are gonna be like, we're gonna drop the addie and y'all gonna help us. Like, bitch, why thought I'm so smart? Mitch, I always think that. Like, if I'm in an emergency live, like if I'm not able, or if like I'm I'm text, like I would text you first immediately. Especially now with like the feet. Yeah, that's I'm like, go on live. Because people are gonna be like, why is she on live? Yeah, yeah, exactly. But the reason I told Melly this recently, I was like, the reason I am this way is because growing up, my dad has always been like anytime any of us have like an idea we want to try something new, immediately coming with like the the negative thoughts come in. How are you gonna do this? What are you gonna do that for? Blah blah blah. Oh my god, you just want to waste money, da da da. And he starts, would you think about this? What about this? What about this? So as a child, because I would always see this, he would do it to my brother, do it to my mom, and do it to me. I was like, Okay, so if I answer all your questions, you have not there's nothing you can say. Now, outside of that, I've already poked like all the holes you poked, like I already have your answers. I have your answers. So now everything else, you're just talking just to talk. Yeah. So I literally use that for everything. Yeah. And I think that it helps me be proactive, and it's benefited me at work because then my brain starts to go, okay, what are potential obstacles that we could run into by doing this? Versus like, and then I think about it, like, okay, we'll try it, but like, oh, we didn't think about this. Okay, note that for next time. Like, so then now go forward. When I present something, it's you have to do that. Yeah, like I these are the questions, but sometimes like at work, I do that, but I don't present it. I like keep it to myself because I know that question will come up, and when the question comes up, I have an answer, and that makes me look good.

SPEAKER_03 28:13

Yeah, yeah. No, and yeah, guys, when she was like talking about this with me, I'm like, oh my god, it's so true. Cause even guys, even when it comes to packing, you're like upset, like ready. Nelly's like always.

SPEAKER_00 28:25

Nelly's always like, What are you packing?

SPEAKER_03 28:27

She goes, Oh fuck, I didn't she's like that. And like, you know, the constant like list, and I'm like, oh my god, but it it makes total sense from what you said, like, because you constantly had that, like, okay, I need to have the next answer before, yeah, like that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 28:40

Yeah, I'm I always have to think one step ahead because I already know it's gonna be like, What did you think about this? And then my favorite is when I answered everything, and he's still like trying well, and I'm like, and I'm in my head, I'm like, check me. Yeah, like gotcho ass. Um, but yeah, that was just like some quick uh oh wait, one more just because Melly said this. I stay busy so I don't have to think too deeply. Yes, I would say I I sit more with my thoughts, so I think I'm like here because like there's sometimes where like I just want to be busy so I don't have to think about it, but I I can only do that for so long. Like I need to regulate myself, yeah, so that I feel like okay, I feel safe, and then once I feel safe, that's when I go into like okay, let me analyze this.

SPEAKER_03 29:28

Okay, cool. Yeah, like take it. And for me, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, literally run. Yeah. Oh, I need to work. I'm I'm trying to work on that, guys. How I don't know. You it's like on your list, yeah. It's on my list, and then I think uh recently um we mentioned in the last episode, but like my my session back to therapy. So I'm like, at least that was like a step, just because in that moment I knew it was like uh-uh, you need to actually talk to someone about your feelings. So that was like a good one. But I'm like, okay, I have to make that consistent for like and not just that one time.

SPEAKER_00 30:04

And that's the thing, and I feel like that's it's so hard because after you do it once, you're like, oh, I feel good, and you're like, okay, cool. But then it's like and and because I'm the same way, but like, okay, cool. Like, yeah, I did it, I feel so much better. I'm on this high, let's go, and then boom, I've yeah, you're like and then this time it's a little bit lower, and I'm like, it's because I again it's not that foundation, it's just like it's like how my dad just put one cinder block that you're building yours one at a time. One at a time, literally like my dad. Wait, no, yeah. Have one of our questions um is have you ever realized your body was exhausted before your mind admitted it?

SPEAKER_03 30:47

For me, guys, I feel like it kind of goes back to me being an avoidant because that's what happens. I I immediately kind of just shut down with myself, and that's when I know I'm like, okay, I'm I'm pushing everyone around me away. It's not necessarily a feeling, it's just I'm just doing it, and I catch myself like, why am I doing that right now? Why am I pushing everyone away? Why am I trying to be by myself? And it's it's that, like, it's it that's when I know, okay, something is fucking going on with you, and I feel like I constantly just feel exhausted, like that's the only thing. I just feel exhausted, and I don't know, like I don't know how to explain it, but I pretty much just like shut down, shut, shut everyone around me. That's how that's how I know, like, okay, something's going on.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

No, yeah, for sure. And for me, because I literally feel everything to the extreme. I physically get sick. Like, I already know when and this is like already like like I've neglected like trying like I'm just like go, go, go. I need I just need to finish my to-do list. Like, and my to-do list is never ending. So I'm just like go go go. But it's it's every single time I physically get sick. Guys, she gets sick. Yeah, like I remember there was this time um when I was this was like 2021, 2020, I can't remember don't remember the year, but it was like a few like um like levels ago, and like I was in a different team, and it was just like not a good time, and it was just constant, constant bitch. I was sick non-stop. Like I'm at the time, like I was I was rarely ever using sick time. I would use my vacation, but rarely. I had gone through my sick time because I was getting fevers, like I was constantly throwing up my migraines. Were on I get migraines all the time, but I was getting them so consistently, and it's just non-stop. But again, it's because the stress just like builds, builds, builds, and then I just it takes me out. Yeah, like fevers, like there was a time where I thought I had COVID again, and I was like, what the fuck? It's just like no, I'm just tired because I'm just not stopping. Like I just am like go, go, go, and it's yeah, it's honestly just like being overworked, and honestly, it was like to the point where um so when I was on my leave, when my brother passed, like I it literally f it physically impacted me. Like, I did not get a period for a year. Yeah, and like ladies, if you know, like stress impacts like your cycle a year, yeah, 12 months. Insane. And also just um side note, if you go more than um two months, immediately call your doctor because you're not supposed to they don't want you to go without a period for more than three, like max. So the fact that I went a year, yeah, and I was going to the doctor, and my doctor was like, Oh, he's like it's because your body's under so much stress, all this stuff. And then after the year, like I went back to work and everything, and I still wasn't getting it. He's like, Hold on, like so. Then I went to a different doctor, got a different test, I was diagnosed with PCOS, and also they're still learning about the female body, like all this all the fucking tests and studies that they've done typically they're done on men. So like the science of like our bodies and our reproductive systems is fairly new. So recently, I think within the last I don't know how many years, um apparently like PCOS can be tied to if you you can give yourself PCOS if you're under if your body's under stress for a long period of time. And it's just funny because I didn't have I had some symptoms, but like I my levels when they did my blood work, I was like never close to like the PCOS. In the year, like from May, from June when I went to my first doctor's appointment to at the end of that year. So like around October, November when I was or I was in December when I was diagnosed, the level went from like if this is like the average, I went from over here to literally like right here, like literally, like right here. And I was just like, oh yeah. So it feels like like so yeah, it does take a toll on your body. Yeah, like I'm still trying to learn all about that because it impacts everyone differently. Yeah, but the number one thing everyone says is like, oh, like just don't stress. Bitch, how? Like, there's constantly things happening. So I went to a retreat yesterday. Um, shout out to Desiree, my nervous system regulating Bestie. I met her on TikTok. Yeah, like literally through posting content. She's a Latina, she's boricwa, and she hosts events and she does like sound baths, but essentially she's talking and teaching about like the nervous system and how to regulate it. So she had an event yesterday in collaboration with one of her friends, Tyla, from uh Germany, and she studies and like is um specializes in gut health. So we talked a lot of shit. We talked a lot about shit. That's literally where my mind went. We did a lot of shit talking yesterday, but honestly, it was so good. And something that Desiree said was if your nervous system, if your life is fucked, that means that your nervous system is fucked because everything is tied to your nervous system, stress, anxiety, all of that. And if you just think about like when you're stressed about something or anxious for like a presentation, a meeting, an interview, whatever, what happens? Some people get headaches, some people get stomach aches, people have to go take a shit. Like it's all tied. So she really just had us focus on like being grounded. It's just like the easiest thing you can do, breathe, breath work. Yeah, like literally just start breathing. And I immediately thought of Sal by Sal because that's literally what his therapist said.

SPEAKER_03 36:53

Just breathe. I take that for granted so much. Like, even when you were like, you know, talking about that and or telling me about the event, I'm like, I don't I take that for granted. Like I don't do that, like that, yeah. And yeah, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 37:08

Yeah, no, so and it's just funny because I've said this multiple times, but like I catch myself, uh, excuse me. Ugh, my nose is so stuffed. Me, my eye twitching. I was like, I've said this multiple times, but there are moments when I and it's in like stressful, anxious moments where I stop breathing. I know, yeah. I don't breathe. Yeah, yeah. And I catch myself and I'm like, I'm like, like I haven't taken a breath. And it's like my body goes into fight or flight, and I just hold my breath, and I'm just like, okay, let me just get through it. But truly like slowing down. And she was like, start with she's like, you might have to set timers on your phone. Yeah. Like you do a couple breathing exercises in the morning when you wake up, do one in the middle of the day and one at night. And she's like, You just have to she basically was teaching us, like, you go back to your center, start breathing, focus on that, helps you clear your mind, and it just calms you down. Yeah. Because at the end of the day, like, again, like we said at the beginning, all this shit is gonna keep happening. Yeah, life is yeah. Life is just getting worse.

SPEAKER_03 38:12

Yeah, and it's gonna yeah, no, literally, it's like, yeah, it's gonna keep happening, it's gonna get worse. We're gonna get old, there's gonna be just you know, more to it every single year.

SPEAKER_00 38:21

So that's why like the self-care shouldn't be like a night, like, oh, like I wish I could do that, or like must be nice. I feel like that's like what my parents say, like, oh, must be nice, like I couldn't do that. I'm like, you can, you're choosing not to, because in your mind, it's like I can't relax because I'm in your head, you think you're lazy. No, if you give yourself 15 minutes, 20 minutes to just sit, you will be way more productive.

SPEAKER_03 38:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

Because then you're like, okay, I did my rest, cool. Let's get back into it. Yeah. That's why we have lunch breaks at work. Yeah. That's why you're supposed to have two 15-minute breaks. Yeah. Do we do I always take them? No. Sometimes I'll take them, sometimes I take them back to back. Yeah. I'll walk if when I'm walking around just shooting the shit with people, they're like, Do you have to go back to your desk? I'm like, girl, I want my 15-minute break.

SPEAKER_03 39:14

Period.

SPEAKER_00 39:14

Like, let someone say something to me. Yeah, no, and it's it's true.

SPEAKER_03 39:17

And like it's important, especially when you're on all fucking day, and then you don't take your break at work because then you're gonna crash up.

SPEAKER_00 39:26

That was honestly, it was just funny because when I got your text, I was literally telling you my situation was that exact thing. No, exactly. So when you texted me, I was like, Oh, I was like, I feel you.

SPEAKER_03 39:39

That day I was like, I'm I'm done. I can't, but also on that note, I can actually let's take a little deep breath right now.

SPEAKER_00 39:46

Oh, period. Let's do it. Hold on, I gotta I can't take a deep breath. My nose is stuffed. Like that's uh that's my me like okay. Hold on, okay. Des had his okay, so breathe in for four, hold for six, uh, blow out through your mouth for eight. Alright, ready guys? You're gonna read a deep breath too. Because in my head, I was like, I counted to eight and you had a mark. You haven't done it. Okay, we'll do it one more time, one more time, one more time. One, two, three. Love that. On that note, yeah. So if take this as your sign to one, you you definitely should follow Mindfulness by Des or Mindfulness Des. I'll put her her tag here because my girl is she knows what she's talking about.

SPEAKER_03 40:51

Yeah, no, and after guys, like Patty was like just tell telling me about the event and everything, like there's a lot of like like good information that they had shared.

SPEAKER_00 40:59

Like it's a lot so much that I learned from both of them. Um, and it's just crazy. Like, there's still so much that I don't know about my own body, and I'm like, I'm a grown woman and I should know these things. Um and there's simple things that you can do to just it makes such a huge difference. The smallest thing, focus on your breathing, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:19

Yeah, like which is again insane. Like, I don't take advantage of that. So yeah, but yeah, but thanks for watching, guys. Don't forget to comment, like, subscribe, and we'll see you in the next one. Bye.