Join Sex Reimagine Podcast hosts Dr. Willow Brown & Leah Piper as they dive into a captivating episode featuring Alana Parkinson, a renowned teacher, healer, and coach. Going through a divorce can be one of life's most difficult transitions. The grief, shame, regret, and uncertainty leave many feeling lost and alone. So, how can you rediscover your sense of self when the life you knew has crumbled? Having gone through a divorce herself, Alana understands the complex range of emotions that arise when partnerships dissolve. Get ready for a transformative journey of personal growth and empowerment with Alana Parkinson.
She provides insight on:
Episode Links:
Alana Parkinson- WEBSITE
One-on-One Sessions- CALENDAR
Live Group Healing- FREE GIFT
Stutz Jonah Hill - DOCUMENTARY
Leah & Willow's King & Queen of Hearts Intimacy Toolkit is on sale. Use Coupon Code KINGANDQUEEN10 for 10% off. https://www.sexreimagined.com/the-king-and-queen-of-hearts
Awaken Arousal Oil Lubricant "I had a 3-minute orgasm and then a 5-minute orgasm." - Beth https://exploreforia.com/awaken-so?irclickid=wyXW6byI5xyNWouwIoQAUS1GUkAx4m1JsS6bSc0&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_source=Impact&utm_campaign=Sex%20Reimagined&utm_c
SxR Hotline | SxR Website | YouTube | TikTok | Pinterest | Instagram | Dr. Willow's Website | Leah's Website
Join Sex Reimagine Podcast hosts Dr. Willow Brown & Leah Piper as they dive into a captivating episode featuring Alana Parkinson, a renowned teacher, healer, and coach. Going through a divorce can be one of life's most difficult transitions. The grief, shame, regret, and uncertainty leave many feeling lost and alone. So, how can you rediscover your sense of self when the life you knew has crumbled? Having gone through a divorce herself, Alana understands the complex range of emotions that arise when partnerships dissolve. Get ready for a transformative journey of personal growth and empowerment with Alana Parkinson.
She provides insight on:
Episode Links:
Alana Parkinson- WEBSITE
One-on-One Sessions- CALENDAR
Live Group Healing- FREE GIFT
Stutz Jonah Hill - DOCUMENTARY
Leah & Willow's King & Queen of Hearts Intimacy Toolkit is on sale. Use Coupon Code KINGANDQUEEN10 for 10% off. https://www.sexreimagined.com/the-king-and-queen-of-hearts
Awaken Arousal Oil Lubricant "I had a 3-minute orgasm and then a 5-minute orgasm." - Beth https://exploreforia.com/awaken-so?irclickid=wyXW6byI5xyNWouwIoQAUS1GUkAx4m1JsS6bSc0&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_source=Impact&utm_campaign=Sex%20Reimagined&utm_c
SxR Hotline | SxR Website | YouTube | TikTok | Pinterest | Instagram | Dr. Willow's Website | Leah's Website
Alana Parkinson. Wow. a teacher a healer, and a coach, and a meditation teacher. She's amazing and she's passionate about using our most difficult circumstances to create massive growth in our lives. She does this for all of her clients and students by using potent yet simple tools. And revamping one's mindset, and you are going to totally tap into that in today's interview. You're going to see how she invites people to come into the dark places, but then really appreciate the bounty that life is giving us, even when we're devastated over breakups.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah, she really, brings so much to the table around revamping or re-imagining what's possible inside of the darkness inside of those seemingly losses and grief tunnels that we go through in love and in romance and in intimacy. So, tune in, turn on, and fall in love with Alana Parkinson.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:That's right baby.
SxR Announcer:Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Alana, thank you so much for joining us.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:I'm so excited to be here with you both. I just, I adore you both, so this is just such a pleasure.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Alana has interviewed both of us for her previous summits and so we were like, oh, we must have Alana because she's just such a sparkling gem and jewel and has such great perspective on you know, conscious uncoupling and what it means to be in relationship. And, she's been through some dark night of the souls herself. We've connected very personally about that and and so she knows a lot. So we're really thrilled that you're here, Alana.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah, thank you. Thanks for inviting me.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah. One of the things that really sparked for me when I met you and just thought your niche is really interesting regarding, how to find that mojo as you've transitioned out of a marriage and this whole process of divorce, and what it reminded me of is watching both my parents through their divorce and, my mom who grew up as a good Catholic girl and with four other siblings. She comes from a family of four siblings, she's the middle child. And so she's always had this feeling of being the black sheep. And of course, she's the one that had the divorce and carries this big story around that. And I always wanted to unburden her from that and take that shame away. And so I'm just kind of curious, like in this day and age, you know, this was decades ago, what are you seeing in the way of shame and the marriage is ending? What's that look like?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:I think a lot of women, specifically, I work more with women than men, really feel that they're not good enough. And I think that's it. Is that, virtually all of us have that wound deep down inside, and it shows up in many different ways. And that one is touched on very deeply when we go through that process of divorce because, and, or breakup, it doesn't necessarily have to be divorce.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Sure.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:But when we go through that process, we had this person beside us that validated that we were good enough, right? It was like, well, they're choosing to be with me, so therefore I'm good enough. And when you go through that breakdown, even if it's you deciding to leave and I've been in that situation, you still are there now, and you're kind of floating around in the world and it's, you don't have that grounding anymore that you did through your marriage. You're now standing on your own two feet. Especially if you know, in my case, got into that relationship at a relatively young age, right? As you were kind of coming into adulthood, that you then got into that relationship, then stepped into marriage and did all the things that you're supposed to do, right? You checked all the boxes, you got married, you bought the house, you had the kids, you got the career, have your two dogs and whatever. And then all of a sudden that all falls apart. And so by society standards, you failed. Right? Like you, you're not checking those boxes anymore. What have you done wrong? And it's a very difficult process because I think a lot of us, as we're going through it, we've, that marriage is our foundation, right? That marriage is our stability. That marriage is how we define ourselves, Especially if we have a family and all of that, right? Like this is our life. And then so to have that fall apart and to fail can really knock someone into that shame spiral. Right? Where it's embarrassing. It's horrifying. You just want to go inside and there's no, you know, and as I was going through the Get Your Mojo Back Summit and talking to all of the different speakers like you ladies, what really came through is that it's not celebrated. And it really should be something that is celebrated because it's very much, it's like a new coming of age, right? It's really being able to step into yourself and say, I don't need to be defined by this. Right? I don't need to be defined by this anymore. I want something more. what I had created maybe from my twenties or even my early thirties, isn't really me, you know, it was checking all those boxes that were defined by other people, but it wasn't checking my boxes, right? It wasn't doing me.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:It's such a rite of passage into becoming your most authentic self. And have you seen in your work with people, do the divorces, are they often happening more when people are getting married younger in their twenties and thirties? Like what if people are getting married a little bit later in life in their forties and fifties? A little bit more self-knowing going on at that age, hopefully?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:And there's both, right? There's, I think there's a shift now in the younger generations, and I think we even went through that, right? Like we're, you know, and I live here in Mexico and there's kids getting married at 16, right? So, it's all dependent on society and what the norms are. But I think, as I was going through and I finished my university, I finished my degree and went and did my master's, and that was really when I started doing, like, that's when we got married and that's when we, you know, after that had the kids and stuff. So I think all of that is shifting later. And so I think there's more consciousness, right, as you're coming into it from that older age, that more mature self. But really in your twenties, I mean really, like, you think you have all the answers, right? And there's so much growth. Like every, there's just constantly growth in life.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I was like this to marriage in my twenties. I was like,
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I was actually more open to it in my twenties not open to it in my thirties. But your, brain is still developing until you're 25 years old. Technically, you're still an adolescent, like adolescence goes from 12 to 25. And so, and that is all dependent on what's happening with the brain and coming into full development. And my parents got married when they were 19 and 20. I'm pretty sure my grandparents got married around the same age. And I think what kind of created a bigger divide. Like when I imagine what my mom was wrestling with, it was. Her parents' generation, they stayed together. There weren't as many divorces. So now you have this next generation where there's more freedom to go, I'm not happy. I'm not going to stay in this relationship. This isn't working. We're both miserable. Our kids are miserable. Like something's got to give. And I think that's an interesting thing that really starts to happen in breaking up, is the comparison that we do to ourselves and other. I remember my first relationship that was a long-term relationship breaking up, and I was devastated over the dream didn't come true. We had our love was so connected to this mutual dream and we're not going to see that to the finish line and having to sort of make peace with that. What, how do you see the people the women that you coach, where are they at in the comparison game?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:There's I think we do this. I don't think it really matters if we're going through divorce or we're going through a healing crisis, or we're going through a career growth or Right. It's, we're constantly in that state of comparing ourselves with others. Right. And we never think that we're where we're supposed to be. And this is the thing, is that it's the most beautiful invitation no matter what it is that you're going through to go inward and heal that aspect of yourself. Right. I think we are, we're so programmed to want to put a lid on it and just like, push it down and be like, okay, nope. That's not supposed to be happening. Yeah. This, I'm not supposed to be feeling this. I'm supposed to be moving onwards. And not allowing yourself to grieve, especially if you're the one that ended it. If you're like, I'm the one that ended the relationship,
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I shouldn't feel shame and loss and sadness and anger. I mean, grief is really this huge umbrella term. There's so many emotions inside of grief.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Totally. Yeah. And, so really whatever it is that you're experiencing is when you're, and this is why I work with women in this stage, because it is like the most potent time for massive growth. It is so ripe because you, all of those insecurities are right on the surface, right? Like as you go through, right? You can connect into the grief regardless of who ended it. You can connect into the grief, you can connect into the shame, you can connect into what are other people thinking of me. You can connect into failure. You can connect into I'm too old, too fat, too ugly, too stupid, not interesting, but right? Like all of those things that are going to be turned up through this process, you can dive right into them and you can connect to them so deeply, so intensely. And when you can do that, and you have the tools, you have the ability to really be in that space and shift them when you come out the other side. All of that stuff is no longer defining your life. You're no longer getting into a relationship because you don't feel good enough, and you need somebody to stand there beside you and say that I am good enough. Look, I have this wonderful mate beside me, right? You don't need somebody there to to make you feel strong and stable, right? You now have the ability to do this for yourself, so then you can consciously make these choices going forward. You can consciously follow your heart and create a life that you love on the other side of this, rather than one that you compare to other people, right? That you're saying, oh, well, what does this person have, or What should I have? Or, what does society say I should have? Or, what do my parents think I should have? You know, I had that as well. All of that. It just doesn't matter anymore. You can still be aware of it. You're conscious of it, but it's not dictating the choices that you make.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I bet a lot of people struggle with like, okay, I'm the one that broke up, but they're dating so much quicker than I am. Like they found their next person and I haven't.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:That is a hard one.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah, like, does that feeling of pressure of like having to get back in the romantic game, you know, something that they wrestle with timing? When do you know when you want to get back in?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:What's really interesting and this is just kind of an aside here, but it's all tied into this as well, is that the women that come to me now are really much more focused on doing the inner work. Like they know that the work is inside of them before they step into that next relationship. And so wherever they're at, wherever they're at, whether they're leaving a relationship, getting ready to relieve, to leave a relationship, whether they're not happy in it and not sure what to do, whether they're ready and they want that, that next relationship, they're all across the board knowing that they've really, that alignment comes from within. And then once you have that, then you naturally attract this incredible mate to you and all of the other stuff. Like, it's like a cherry on top of loving your life, right? It's just one aspect of an amazing life. And so it, but it comes from within. It comes from within. And, that's really the magic here, is that you can really create that unique essence.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah. Do they ever, do women ever come to you and they're like, okay, I know I need to leave my husband and I'm really scared to do it and I know I need to do all this self work and ugh, I know it's going to be a can of worms, and how long do you think it's going to take me? Do they ever ask you that question?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Surprisingly, actually don't. But it is that right? I mean, I think we are, we just want the end, right? We want the end result, right? We're in a miserable relationship and we want the happy ending.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah. We want to know how long am I going to have to suffer this growth spurt?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:So, So, what I can tell you from my own experience, I mean, everybody has their own experience, but if you really commit to diving into it, like really go into it, right? I'm not talking about distracting yourself not to say that you don't do your Netflix binges or, you know, go out with friends and, you know, drink your your sorrows away. But that really, you, like daily, you're committing to shifting what it is that you're experiencing. I, when I split up with we're actually back together, but we split up for like eight weeks-ish a couple of years ago with my partner and. I had to go into it. I really had to go into all of those, all of that stuff, right? It was like, this is all of it. And it was, I'm not going to say it was easy, right? It was hard. There were days where it was like four hours of just soothing myself and being in that space. I broke out in a rash on my neck. Like, I mean, it was intense. I'm not going to say that it wasn't, but with each time that I did it, I found more of my center. I found more of my center and to the point where it was like I didn't have to do it daily anymore. Like I could have days where I just naturally felt good and I remember six weeks later, so it was six weeks, waking up one morning and just being like, I fucking love my life. Like it is amazing. I am so happy in my bed on my own, the sun is shining into my room. I have an amazing client call later. Like I was just like this. And I had just, I had gone to a ceremony the night before and I was just like, this is amazing. And then that morning I had an email from my ex who's not, we're now back together saying, I totally messed up. Like I need to do the work. I get it. So it was like, even in that, in getting to your center, it opens up all kinds of different possibilities. It allows you to be in that space where the universe is really supporting you to bring you whatever it is that's in alignment with you. Right? You're not pushing it away anymore. And I think that's I really, I think this is one of the most beautiful parts of being in that space of a breakup or a divorce, is that your foundation has been, Blown to smithereens, right? Like you're, it is gone. And so you're just like in this space of just like, of reeling, but in that space of reeling, you are so much more open to whatever comes your way. Like you don't have all of that structure built up around you that, that was keeping you safe and stable. It's now it's not there anymore. And so you're able to just receive and be in more of this state of flow and possibility and like, I don't know what's coming next, right? But I feel like I'm standing on the edge of the abyss and like, I have no idea what's in front of me. But it's like when, and especially when you're in that space of alignment that it's like this most magical adventure because you're just, you're truly open to it and the universe is able to bring you everything that you need to support you on that journey. And I mean, I saw it again and again in my own process. I see it with my clients as well. Like it's just incredible what unfolds when you're in that space.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I love what you're speaking to as well around, like you, you come closer to your core. You come back home to your essence. You find yourself through those hard times, through those moments of feeling shattered and having the darkest thoughts that you may have had before.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:All that uncertainty you feel? Yeah.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:And that builds up in such a place inside of her where you can stand on the edge of that abyss and not feel so afraid, but feel more curious, You know? And I think that curiosity around, I don't know what's coming next, and I don't know where this path is going to lead me, but I am curious to find out, and I have some excitement and I have some fear too, like, and it's okay to have some fear, especially if you have been really shattered. I think there's a healthy level of fear that comes with stepping into whatever is next for you.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Well, and isn't there like clarity that gets revealed regarding where you're headed, what you need, what you want? It's like there's an inquiry that finally has some space to be, you know, nourished and explored. That goes, what do I want? What's important to me now? Who am I now at this stage in my life and with what it's important to me. What is important to me and what will I never put up with again? And what do I want different next time? And what's the kind of love that I'm going to say yes to versus the kind of love that I'm going to say no to? You know, and starting to have some more clarity about what your soul truly is seeking. Is that something I imagine. It gets to be really looked at. There's like more space for that to be explored.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:And the beautiful thing that comes from that too is that it naturally evolves because you begin treating yourself in that way, right? Is that it's it shifts because you're now doing that for yourself. And when you do that for yourself, then you invite others to do that for you as well, right? And so when you're in that space of like, I need this person to do this for me. I need this person to make me feel this way, I need, right? Then you're dependent on these things outside of you, and it's because you're not doing that for yourself, right? It's because you feel like that's missing from what you have going on. So when you get into this space of really healing those wounds, then you do it for yourself. And you're not looking for somebody to fill your holes, right? You're not looking for somebody to, to come in and make you whole or make you complete, right? Like Jerry McGuire, know, it's you are complete. And so then you can attract somebody who's also complete. And so rather than coming together as this wobbly ball, right, that's like dependent on each other and yeah, I mean, to depend on somebody else to do exactly what you need at all times is insanity, right? Is then you're in this wobbly relationship and there's opposite and there's downs and there's all these things. And, and not to say that there isn't in a stable relationship as well, but it comes from more of a growth period, right? Like, it's an exponential thing that's going on where you're supporting each other in your growth rather than like just trying to find center again, right? Where you're just trying to find, get, you know, heal that wobble.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Well,
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I feel, go ahead, Leah.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I was just going to bring up self-worth, right? Because it seems like this is part of what you might be speaking to, is when we start to do that inner work and kind of heal those things and see our worth, and see our beauty, and see our you know, our brilliance and this thing that makes us, our essence. We get to be in greater touch with that. And that, that kind of inquiry, when we start to own that it changes how people look at us. It changes the field of our attractiveness and when we can be uncompromising. With that part of our beautiful soul, then, you know, suddenly we upgrade, right? Like there's an up-leveling that happens in who you start to attract into your life. And that could be a new job, that could be friendships, that could be travel, that could be a partner, partners, plural. I mean, all sorts of things I think are possible when we really get to that e part of that most painful place inside those deeper, darker corners. We don't want anyone to see that level of self-doubt. We face that in the mirror. I think a lot of things transform and the universe responds, right?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:It does, it absolutely does. In exactly all of those ways. And it's so, it's whatever brings you in the door, right? It's whatever brings you in the door. It can be, again, it can be a relationship, it can be your health. It can be wanting to make more money. It can be wanting to find your purpose. It can be whatever it is, right? The, journey is inward. It's inward. If the answer's the same is that you get to go in and heal those aspects of yourself that feel like you're not good enough. Maybe you have, like, if you really dive into it, You have this vision of who you want to be with, right? And you're like this is who I want to be with. And then you have all these voices that you're like, you're not good enough. They'll never like you. You're not fun enough to talk to. You never go out. Your body isn't perfect anymore. Or maybe it never was. You're, you know, you have wrinkles now you have whatever, right? All this stuff. And then you just start going into this kind of a settling mode. Whereas when you're really in that space that like vibrant space, it is so attractive. And I know that absolutely everyone listening can think of somebody that maybe on, on first blush, when they first met them, they were like, meh. And as they got to know them, they were just like, Wow, you are stunning. Like you are. There's just this, like, I just want to spend more time with you. And it doesn't have to be like a romantic or sexual relationship. There's just, there's people that just have that energy that are just like, yes this is, this feels amazing, right? It's that, you get to tap into for yourself and start attracting things. And you know, I was talking to somebody and they were like, well, where, how do I meet people? How do I, and they're like, maybe I should go online and I'm not to knock online dating or anything like that, but from my perspective, like you can meet people anywhere if you leave your house. I mean, God, if you order delivery, you necessarily want to date the delivery guy. But like, you can, when you're in that radiant space, you can attract somebody in your sweats at the supermarket. You don't need to go out and actively be searching for somebody. It naturally will come to you. Yeah. It will come to you. And it's I mean, I think we can all relate to this. For me it was, I was reflecting on this, you know, a few months ago, but in high school and I'd be like, okay, I want a boyfriend. I'm ready for a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend, boyfriend. Where's my boyfriend? And there's no boyfriend to be found. Right? And then, so then I just go back to having a good time with my friends and we're going out and we're doing this and we're doing that. And boyfriend, right. Magically manifest boyfriend. Because I am enjoying life. I am not focusing on what I don't have. I'm enjoying what I do have. Right. And from that space, you are, you're so attractive. You are so vibrant and so magnetic, and people just want to be with you.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:feel like I I have a lot of not a lot, but a few clients who, the story kind of is it repeats itself, you know, it's like another one bites the dust and, but I'm doing so much work on myself. I'm doing all the things I need to be doing and da, da, da, you know? And I've been working on this for years and I'm still not magnetizing, you know? But what advice would you have for women who are in that loop?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Go into your biggest fears. I would say find something that you are like, never, I will never do that and go do it and find your center in that, because that is going to create a whole new level of growth, a whole new level of expansion, and it's going to open up things that you didn't even know were lurking there. It's when we're in that space of stagnant, right. And I was actually just writing about this yesterday, but we need to go in both directions. So there's the inner work. Absolutely. Inner work, right? But we also need to expand. We also need to move forward. So we need to heal the roots, but we also need to expand the branches and the leaves and all that stuff as a tree, right? We need to be balanced, you know, as above, so below we need to make sure we're going in both directions. And so I feel like a lot of healing, a lot of people that do like a lot of that work, right? They'll go in one direction or the other, but they don't necessarily go in both. And so when you can start moving forward and find, like, I'm trying to think of some things that I started doing. One was singing, right? Like, I love to sing. I would sing in my car all the time. And my boyfriend, he's a singer songwriter and everything's like, come sing with me. And I was like no. That is never going to happen. And six months later, boom. I was singing on stage, I was singing on stage with him. And I love it. I love it. But it was, there was a process to get to that point, right? Like I had to go through all of those fears and all of those, like, I'm not good enough and I can't put myself on stage, and what will people think? And I don't know what to do with my hands and my, all that stuff, right? And so you get to go through those things when you start pushing yourself outside of your boundaries. Take a dance class, take I don't know, like something that you've never done before, something that you've always wanted to do. Learn a new language. God, that one's a huge one, right? Because you want to be perfect. You want to do everything perfectly. Go to a Tantra course, right? Like, do something that is just so outside of your comfort zone. Push yourself, do it. Dive in. Feel all the discomfort, feel all of that wobbliness, because it's going to happen. You're going to feel wobbly because you're pushing beyond your boundaries. You're pushing beyond what feels safe and secure right now. And you're going to expand from that. And you'll see it's like just magic opens up.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:So in doing that, in doing whatever kind of is the biggest fear, and just facing it and stepping up to the plate and doing it, even if it doesn't, you know, it doesn't go smoothly or you don't feel full of grace as you're doing whatever it is.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:You won't.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Going to, see what you're capable of. Like, wow, you're capable of stepping up to that fear and then you do it again and it's like, oh, it's a little bit more graceful the second time, know, and it's you become, it's becoming.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Trust, right? Like being brave and doing hard things. And then you see how resilient you are and then something flourishes, you know, from within that goes. Wow. Okay, so you may have the same answer this question as this last one. So I've got a couple girlfriends who've been single for 10 plus or more years, right? Midling age. And these are dynamic, amazing women who do scary shit all the time. They face their stuff, they're been doing inner work. They're teachers in their own right. mm-hmm. They've melted so many hard places inside. And not to say there isn't more to go, but like in so many ways they have their shit together and you just kind of go, how is it possible? Are they living in the wrong town? Is it that they need to move out of this state? Are there just not enough, you know, appropriate people to date? Why do they keep on getting misses? And then there's a resigned stages that they're always kind of coming in and out of just going, you know, it may not happen. You know, I've been on my knees praying for this and it's just not happening, so I'm fine. I'm good. I can do this by myself. Would I like it to happen? Yes. But it's not happening. So now what? I mean, do you get clients like that who, for all intents and purposes, you are just kind of going, what is it, universe? Come on, get your act together for these women.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:And yes, absolutely. I still say the work is on the inside. And I think that even if you are living in a, in the wrong place or the wrong whatever, right? Like, say things like that need to happen. That if you're truly in a place of surrender, and I think this is where people struggle the most is to really follow that guidance, to really release those beliefs and release the the structure that you have right now. Right. And, allow it to turn into something else. And I can say that, I mean, with my own experiences, we have things that we don't even realize that we are clinging to for dear life. Like, we have things that we are just, again, I do this all the time. I live and breathe this stuff. And I just went through this like three weeks ago, right? Where I found something that I was like, oh, you want to see me rigid? This is me rigid. Like, I'm not letting go of this one. Right? And so we, as we grow, as we expand, we bump up against these different aspects. And the journey is different for everybody. Like I have no doubt that those women have all of their shit together, and maybe men as well have all of their shit together, but at the same time, there's something, there is more. And when it, when they get to that point, they'll be like, oh yeah, that's what it was, right? I mean, and again, not knowing them, I can't really speak more to it than that. But as you as you release that, those beliefs, as you release those fears as you release those old I don't even want to say beliefs, but it's really, it's like structure that we've created and that we've grown up with that we don't even realize that we have, that's when things begin to unfold. And again, that's where like being in that space of the breakup or of the divorce or whatever, really breaks a lot of that stuff down and allows us to see what's really there, what serves us, what doesn't serve us. So yeah, I for those women I know for me, like when I was going through my healing journey, I was surrounded by people that didn't get me. Like I mean, I was awakening in the middle of North Carolina and like nobody got me. And I was like, I just found this out today. And I just found, and people were like, I do not want to hear about that. Like, I don't want to hear about what you're going through. Like that is just scaring the shit outta me. And so,
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Wow.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:I time lapsed, right? There was a couple of years and then all of a sudden we were living in Costa Rica and I was surrounded by people that got me, people that were like way beyond where I was at. And I was just like, this is amazing. And then coming here you know, living in Mexico now, same thing. Like I'm surrounded by this community and I just, you know, I'm still renting here and I found a house in this other community that is like all these people, like the landlord is a meditation expert. The his partner is, she does theta healing and like, you know, and I hadn't even said what I do or who I am or anything like that. And we get there and he's like, oh, this person does their work and this person does their work and this person does their work. And I'm like, of course, this is where I, this is my community. This is where I would naturally have attracted that next place. So it, now I've been here seven years. I didn't immediately fall into that place. And you know, I have an amazing community. So like, as we grow and as we evolve and as we kind of allow the universe to guide us, in on our journey, then those things start to fall into place. It may be that, that those women or those men have certain things they need to accomplish first, that they're not even, they're not even conscious of yet. And that there's certain areas they need to get to in their life, in other areas or certain awareness before they're ready for that partnership or before they're ready to match with that really that true expansive match.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:What questions would you as a coach bring to the table to help someone who's not seeing what it is that they need to see in order to have the next transcendent breakthrough within themselves?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:so I can't say that there's a specific question that I would ask because I also do healing work, so it's really a matter of tapping into that person's energy and seeing what's blocked. And so everybody's different. Everyone has a different thing going on depending on the day, right? I mean, you wake up in the morning and you may have certain things that are triggered and then the next day you don't have those things triggered. Right? So, and this is where the healing journey goes, is that really you need to be in a space of that awareness and that triggering before you can do the healing, right? You can't heal something that you're not aware of.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:You you said something really powerful. It was like you know, what are you afraid of? You know, I think of like, if you could have it all your way, what would it look like?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Well, and this is, and you can start from there. Absolutely. You can start from there. But I'd say even that we're not even aware what our bigger f biggest fears are. Until we're literally facing them, we're not even necessarily going to acknowledge them. I had something that came up that if someone had asked me if I had any fears, I would've been like, no, I don't have any. And I had like, I have a bajillion that I'm not even aware of. Right. So it's hard to from that place.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Maybe the question is that, you know, Willow has this brilliant practice and exercise that she leads people through regarding your deepest heart's desire. Maybe it's just like sometimes connecting to like, what's your really deepest heart's desire? You know, what's that thing that's going to open you? Or where do you feel tight and what would it be like if it was open? Who would you be? How would you treat yourself?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:And that's even, that's even a journey in and of itself, right? I mean, that's one of the areas that we absolutely go into is starting to create that vision of what you want to create in your life, right? And then and it's not going to, you're going to sit down to write it out and you'll be like, I don't know. What do you want in a relationship? I don't know, somebody that's, Nice to me. Yeah. Right? Like, I mean,
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Someone that thinks i'm hot.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Great sex. Like, okay. Yeah. I mean, that's it, right? And then, but as you open up that question, you invite the answers to come in as well, and you start to notice, you start to notice your friend's relationship and you're like, oh, I love that, I want that, right? And then you see something and you're like, okay, no, definitely don't want that. And so, and, but you're framing it right on what you do want. So it's like, okay, don't want that. Instead of that, I would like this. Right? And so you're bit by bit creating this vision and then comes that next step. Why don't I already have this? Why am I not already living this vision? Right? What are my beliefs around this and why I'm not already there? Because that's the only reason that you don't already have it, right? That, that your vision, if you have that desire then that's what your heart is calling for, right? Assuming that it's not totally ego-driven that your heart is really calling for something that, that, that's why you're not already there. So if you have, this is what I want and this is where I'm at. All of this are those beliefs and the traumas and all of that jazz that are going on inside of you that are preventing you from being in that space, from really, truly being in alignment with that. And so that's where you get to start when you have this and you know where you're at, right? And you can say, this is, these are all the beliefs that I have and this is where I want to go. Then you can start working through all of that and get closer and have new ones open up. Right? You may only be aware of these ones right here. And as you move closer, you're like, oh gosh, that went there. There's a whole bunch there too. Right? And so as you move closer and closer that it becomes more and more.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Opens and like new doors open. You know, I've been part of this dream Weavers group for almost three years, and it's all about like let's weave our dreams together. Let's share our dreams and witness each other in making those dreams a reality. And so I think it could be so valuable for like, just a small group of women. Three get together with a few of your girlfriends who are kind of in the same boat like, I've been doing all this work still hasn't happened, da. It's like, okay, start a little chat between three or four of you and start to like really write it out. Like what is the like wave that magic wand. What does it look like? Share it with each other and be witnessed in it. I think one of the biggest things that we want as human beings is to be acknowledged, to be seen, to be witnessed. I mean, that's what you were speaking to Alana, where you're like, these people didn't see me. It wasn't until I moved to Costa Rica and Mexico, that I found people who could see me. And I think that's also one of the things that really scares people about letting go of relationship is like, oh, our friend group, you know, I'm going to lose these people. I'm going to lose these friends. Some people are like, God bless, I'll let these people go.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Right.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:It's an opportunity. The evolution and the growth that happens through that heartbreak tunnel or that loss or that grief tunnel is what brings you those people who do see you at such a deep and powerful level.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Don't, you have to first see yourself like, isn't there like a recognition to go; why am I so invisible? Why am I so invisible? And it's like, well, first you got to, you got to see you.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Mm-hmm.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:what you work out in that
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:right. And
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:so I'm kind listening to the two of you. Even, it almost seems like, the space between those two places, it seems like what you're really tackling is like all the judgments we have that's in our way to, you having this thing that we see ourselves living. We can see the vision, we can see our radiant future self. We can connect to that wisdom that's five years from now. And so we wrestle with the judgments. Is that what it is?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah. As you're going through this process, it's unraveling bit by bit. So you know, you said, well, we have to see ourselves first. Right. And I've even said that as well. And I think this is a really important part because this is where people think like, well, I just need to do this one thing and then I'm done. Right. And then everything going to open up and I'm done.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Sorry.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Right. it's an evolutionary journey. So yes, you start to see yourself more, and then people start to see you more, and then you start to see yourself more and people start to see you even more. And so it is like, it's not an all or nothing thing. The only, the only one, and I was reflecting on this the other day too, is that the one that really is it's not all or nothing, but it can really slow things down, is the ability to surrender, is the ability to release that control. And, which is like, for me, I was like huge control freak. Like that was my thing. And again, it's been a journey. It's been a real journey. But as I've been able to release control and as I've been able to let go, it really does open up the natural unfolding of things and that's where things can really start to take off is when you get into a habit of being like, okay, that scares me immensely. Like I don't want to let go of control of that because if I let go of control of that, there's my stability gone. Right? And so you do that, you've let it go, and then you find that stability inside of you. And you let it go, and you find that stability inside of you. And this is the process is like, is creating that inner stability, that inner grounding, and then being able to move forward from this new centered space where you're not dependent on these things outside of you to feel safe and stable. Right. And we have a bajillion of them that we're not even aware of. But as you come up against them, and as you start seeing, like I'm very dependent on living in this house. I'm very dependent on staying in this city. I'm very dependent on staying in this friend group. I'm very dependent on staying in this relationship. I'm very dependent on whatever. Right? Like, as you become aware of it, that these are the things that you are inviting into your life. Some of them are providing huge amounts of safety and security so that you can thrive. And some of them are holding you back. Right? And so when you can start letting those go and then find, get into that shaky space and find your center again, then that's really, that is like thriving through anything. I mean, you can take on anything.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I love this. It's, you know, it's making me think of birth as like a metaphor, right? When you as a woman you get pregnant, you go through the nine months, you grow, you expand, you evolve and then it's time to deliver. You know, and you go through that like,
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:That contraction series of holy pain. Ring
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:of fire, you know, and then like, and then you're a mother. It's like you go from being a maid into a mother, and all of that work that you do, those nine months, including the labor and delivery itself is prepping you for that motherhood, right? And so it's the same thing when you're going through this breakup or this loss, this divorce, you're going through a journey a rebirthing of yourself so that when and the next relationship does come in, you are prepared for it because the work doesn't stop once that next. Really, it's not like you get the one, you get the dream partner and you're done. It just, it keeps going. But now you have more of that stability in place inside of you and whatever your partner does or doesn't do, that triggers you or doesn't trigger you. You can come home to your essence and your source and your own stability.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:That's it. And I use that all the time. That birthing canal, like when you're going through the breakup, that is the birthing canal. Like you're in that really constrictive, uncomfortable, everything feels squishy and horrible and tight.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Scary. I don't know what's going to happen.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah. And I don't know what's on the other side and I don't know, I just, and then you come out the other side and it's like, this is amazing out here. Like, wow, I love it.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:It feels so good to get to
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Life is so good, right?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:the other side.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Right?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Oh my God. But you got to do the work
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:But you got to do the work. You got to do the work.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Butterfly analogy is a good one too.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:It, is. It really is.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Like, breaking down from a caterpillar to a liquid. Like really let talk about surrender, talk about letting go of everything you've ever known.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:I trust you.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:And now you're just a liquid and then all of a sudden you're a butterfly and you're flying high, you know? So it's such an incredible process. It's so transformative.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:that's the other piece too is as you go through these difficult stages, right, that you are learning the tools exactly what you said for like for motherhood, right? You're learning the tools to become a mother. You're learning the tools. As you come through that breakup, as you come through that divorce, as you come through whatever it is that challenge that you're going through, you now have tools, you now have the confidence in you that it's not quite as scary. And you'll start to find that you're facing things that would have had you running for the hills before. Like you would've been like, absolutely not. I'm done. Like I'm off the planet. Forget it. Right? And you're like, Okay, yeah, we can do this. You know, it's like, throw me for a loop here, but let's go, we can do this. Right? And then you look back and you're like, how did I get through that? You know, because you do have the tools and you do have the confidence and you do have that inner stability to do these things that you couldn't have done a year ago, two years ago, five years ago. Right? And so you really get to watch yourself evolve and when you have those tools, it becomes a playground, right? Like even when you're in those dark, dark nights of the soul and you're going through these difficult moments, it's not so scary because you know that there's massive expansion on the other side. It's like after going through the birthing canal so many times you're like, okay, I've done this. I know that there's like a huge amount of light on the other side and I'm going to feel like super free and, and I'm going to have like all this new, these are new experiences, right? So you're kind you, I mean, I don't even say kind of you're excited. There's a part of you that's like, let's do it. This is going to be good. because this one really sucks right now.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah, I mean, and I think it's important to say too, because I just went through the biggest fucking heartbreak of my life, right? So the biggest grief portal that I've ever been through, and it was shattering and it was painful. And yes, I had many, many, many moments where I was like in full trust and in full faith that I would come through and that I would get to the other side. So there were moments where my, like my mom would be like, I think you're depressed. Maybe you need to go on an antidepressant. And I was like, I'm in depression, but I'm not depressed because I know it's going to end. Like I know I'm going to get through this and I lost my train of thought. But something about like, oh, when you're in that dark night of the soul, when you're deep in that process and you're in that pain, I think it's so crucial for everyone who's surrounding and supporting to just be like, I see that you're in pain and not be like, oh, don't worry, you're going to get through it. Because people kept saying to me, oh, there's something better around the corner. And sure enough there is, and I'm standing and looking at it now and I knew that somewhere deep inside, but it was not helping me to hear that in that moment.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Right.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:No. I found when I went through mine it was, I was in that space of deep surrender and again, doing this work daily and having, you know, moments where it was just, same thing, like just crushing, just crushing. And it was so fascinating because I was like, okay, well I don't know what I'm going to do this weekend because my kids would be half the time with their dad and half the time with me. I'm going to do this weekend. And there was part of me that was panicked and like, either I would be in a space where I couldn't do anything and I needed to do the work for myself or something would show up at the last minute. I remember one morning it was Sunday morning and I was like, I had a really intense Saturday and I was like, okay, you know what universe, I think I'm ready to see people today, but very specific people, like not anybody. Right. Very specific people. If something happens, I think I could do that today. And I kid you not in like 15, 20 minutes, I had a call, it was like nine o'clock in the morning on a Sunday. I had a friend call me and he's like, Hey, we have some friends visiting us and she needs to do an online cacoa ceremony and our internet's really bad. Is it okay if we come use your office? And I was like, yeah, that's fine. He's like, well, we're going to bring like everybody and we'll bring the kids and stuff and we'll, we can just hang out. I was like, all right. And so they came over and so this woman that was doing the cacoa ceremony up in my office up here, and we were downstairs and he brought cacao. And so we had this beautiful cacao ceremony, like impromptu cacao ceremony. And he had just lost his wife. I'd never met him before. He had just lost his wife and he does like some crazy it's like, I can't remember what it's called, but some kind of astrological work, right? So we were talking about like just like super crazy concepts and talking about like ends of relationships and moving onward and the process of grieving and all of this stuff. And then we went and we spent the afternoon in some thermal pools. And then that night we went and did like some drumming and some chanting and stuff like that at their house and you know, with some copal and all this stuff. And I was like, I got home that night. And I was like, I couldn't have planned that. Like, I could not have planned that and had it turn out so well. It was the most soul nourishing day. Right? And it was just like event after event like that, that would unfold in my life right when I needed it. If I needed, if I was in a space and I was doing deep healing and I was like, I have a clank call in 50 minutes, and I'm like a snotty mess, right? And they would cancel. And it was, things like that. It was just like, this is amazing. This is amazing. I feel so supported on so many levels right now and, and everything was just unfolding in this most perfectly beautiful way. So it's really when you're, which is one of the, again it's so hard to be in that space, but it is so beautiful when you can just really, truly allow yourself to be in that space and feel the feelings and go through the grief and then come out the other side.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I think you're, I think we're coming back to, you know, an important point that you made earlier, and then I think Willow, watching Willow go through her process. I mean, one of the things that she's so brilliant at is like being there for herself and feeling the feelings and like being in the present moment of whatever is arising. And I felt around her, like she knew it wasn't going to, this feeling wasn't going to last forever, that there was, it was just in the now in the ism of this moment, what I'm feeling is sad, or what I'm feeling is, you know, hopeless or what I'm feeling is. Well, what about the future? You know, is everything going to be okay? Because I don't feel okay right now. I feel really sad. And just like being with the sadness or being with the loneliness, like whatever that is, she didn't shy away from it. She went right into the center of the truth of what she was feeling in the moment. And it was interesting Willow, because it wasn't like, you know, you're sitting with a friend and it's a poor me, pity me hopeless, you know, endless puddle.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Right. Such a drain, those friendships.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:That can take a lot. It's scary. That's a scary place to find yourself in. And but you weren't rushing the process either. You weren't trying to be anywhere other than where you were at, and it felt like you had enough self-love and practice surrender to just walk yourself home. it was like you kept walking yourself through every emotion and you weren't saving it for later, which I think is such the habit that we want to do. We'll, just, I'll feel that later. I don't have time. Let me distract myself with a thousand different things so I don't have to actually live in the pain body or the emotional body. And that's not the fastest way to process, right? I mean, if you can just go to the center of it, shit, you don't have to stay there as long.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:And you can feel it. I mean, there were, I remember, because I was very much in like the tools when I went through this, I was like, okay, well I have my process and I have my things that I do, and so I'm just going to keep doing these things, right? I'm going to do these things and I'm going to do these things. And I'm okay. I'm doing these things but I still don't feel great. Like, after doing these things, why don't I feel great? And I remember there was one day where it was like, something happened. I don't,even remember what it was, but it triggered me and I dropped my kids off with their dad and he was like, he was trying to be nurturing and all supportive and everything. And I was just like, I just want to go home. Like I just need some time to myself. And so I eventually got home and I was like, okay, I think I need to do a session, or I need to do this, or I need to do that. And it was like, I just need to sit and just feel it, right? And it was like, where do I feel it? And it was like, boom. In my third chakra, like immediately in my third chakra. As soon as I felt it, boom, here come the tears, right? And it was literally 30 seconds of tears. And then I was like, okay. I'm good. But had I not done that, I mean I was carrying that for hours and hours and hours. Right? Like, so when you're in that space, you think that I'll feel that later. You're feeling it now. You're just not feeling the full effects, right. And so when you can go into that space and just feel it, because that is the processing, right? It's just feeling it then yeah, you can move forward.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:It alchemizes quickly. If you really go into it, notice where it's at on your body and all of that. And I think that was one of the, I mean, I've been teaching this shit and practicing 20 years. over 20
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:the course.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Years, you know, but like through this particular birth canal, I got to such a deeper level with the practice with the surrender, with the trust, with the isness. Like I lost faith in myself for a second there. Got emotional, just talking about you know? And and so having that deeper layer and foundation of faith and trust in the universe and being able to surrender and being with what is and learning how to alchemize emotion at such a Pristine level. So, but now I got to just go into what's happening now. It's like, okay, I could alchemize the grief and the sadness and the anger and the fear.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:You mean by that, Willow? For people who don't understand.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:What Alana was just talking about is like she sat instead of like, let me go do a practice. What should I do? Should I answer these journal questions? Should I do this meditation? She just sat on the couch and felt it. That's what she did. And instead of like being stuck in it for several more hours, it shifted and it was gone within 30 seconds. Right? So that's the alchemy of alchemizing emotion. That's what I mean. And so, but now I'm like sitting in all this bliss and all this dreaminess, and the fucking oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins are rushing through my body constantly and I'm in love again, right? And so, I got so committed to the isness and equanimity like never before. I'm like, okay, now I've got to alchemize these emotions too, because they're going to change too. Everything is shifting in this particular emotional realm, but then there's this un shifting realm that's just always there. I don't know, what words of wisdom do you have, Alana around that? Because you've been through it. I mean, you've been through it too, Leah.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:It is, yeah. It teaches you to be in the moment, right? Like it really allows you to be in the moment and that you can see the beauty in all of it in the stuff that feels amazing, right? Being in that blissed out state is just amazing, right? And you can, you transmute those emotions as well, right? And you can see the incredible beauty in being in that deep despair. In that deep heartache really be in it. And by going through this, no doubt, you are much more connected to you as a person, right, you've said that. No doubt you are showing up at a totally different level in your business, in supporting your clients. Like all of these things, it's a huge, it's an entire uplevel of your being. It's not just, oh, well, you know, I made it to the other side and now I can find, I can be in love again. Right? No there's huge, I mean, it really is that, that chrysalis, right? That period where you come out as a completely different being, a completely different awareness of you, of the world, of how you flow in the world, of oneness. I mean that feeling of oneness and that feeling of complete support beyond just our physical realm. And so I mean, again, I love that you shared that too. Because I think it's really important. I think a lot of people think, you know, when they're going through, well, I can't do this, you know, you guys know how to do this. You have it all figured out. And it's like, no, I mean, every single time you go through it, it'll rock your world. I regularly get my world rocked. Yeah. Like, it's not that we have it figured out, it's just that there's a certain process that you can go through that is very similar and not even having any structure to it but just going inward and being in that space and following that intuition is really that structure.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:well seems It's like weaving back and forth. It's like there's these moments of deep separation, right? And it's like outside is like the reality of separation. You know, where a connection is changing or ending or taking a new form, but then it sometimes it makes us feel separate from ourselves. Like, who am I now and why is this happening? And am I lovable? And like all those sort of separate experiences. And then you start to find your essence again. You know, and then there's windows start to open and you have a really beautiful, deep conversation with a treasured friend you haven't spoken to in 15 years. Or, you know, you get something like I don't know if you've seen the Stutz Documentary Jonah Hills therapist. It was a Netflix thing and I mean, I watched it twice. I took notes and this might sound depressing to some people, but it opened doors for me and he said, there are three things you can rely on in life, uncertainty, work, and pain. And it's our ability to increase our bandwidth and our acceptance of those things. And I think the hardest thing for people to accept is uncertainty. But the more we can become comfortable, like the challenge is, can you stay in your essence despite uncertainty? Can you stay connected to yourself and to source and choose not to separate yourself? Because I think that's all depression is anyways. I think it's just separation. Separate from God and everything else. And so like, if we can remember when we're feeling pain, man, what a test. Here's some pain and physical pain in particular that you can't escape from and can you stay connected instead of separating yourself? I mean there's so many, I think, really interesting spiritual values, just taking a look at, and then there's work because you're going to have to work to build your tolerance to go, okay, you know, what's going to be certain is pain and work and uncertainty. But I think there's a lot of hope in that because I feel like what it points us to is building our strength and our ability to become more and more okay with that. More and more at peace with that, more and more accepting of that. Yeah, I don't know. It's a trippy thing to consider considering that they're not the most positive things to put your attention on. And I think that kind of circles back to another thought, because as I'm watching you, Alana, there is magic in where you're putting your attention. So what I just described is kind of like tolerating some suffering and getting good at it. But when I hear you talk, it's like you're putting your attention on magic. You're putting your attention on magic moments that are happening that you can capitalize on and nourish yourself with. Maybe that's just bringing your face up into the sunlight and feeling the heat. You know, like there's something there that I think you're connected to.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:But it's the same thing. It's getting comfortable. We're not taught the tools as kids of how to handle uncertainty, pain, and work. Right? Like none of those things are positive in as a child. And so that's why we think of them as adults, as these negative things that we want to avoid at all costs. But all three of those things equate to growth. Equate to change, equate to doing something beyond what you're doing right now. And so when you can get comfortable with it and recognize that it's not a bad thing, it's just a thing.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Pain can lead to a lot of pleasure.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Right.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Just ask the kink world. I mean, they've been getting on it for years.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:I mean it's not a bad thing, it's just that we don't have the tools and so when we don't have the tools, we are like, Okay, where can I hide? Like, I don't want to do this because I don't know how to do this. Right? And so when you, especially if you're in this phase right now and you're spinning around in circles and you feel like you're stuck in that because there are people that do that, get stuck in those emotions for a long time doing exactly what we were talking about, right? Like, I'll deal with that later. I'll deal with that later, I'll deal with that later. Well, they're still dealing with it. It's not that it's not there, right? It's just that they're not consciously diving into it. And so it's recirculating and recirculating and recirculating. So really when you can get comfortable and learn those tools and have that support when you're going through it, if this is something new for you and you don't know how to do this, and you're like, what are you talking about? All three of you crazy ladies, right? If you don't know how to do this then this is where you need support. This is a really good time to invest in yourself because you will learn these tools and you will have plenty of opportunity to practice these tools so that you can get really comfortable with this so that as you go forward, because as you said, we will experience work, we will experience pain, we will experience uncertainty. And if you can be in that and dive into it rather than try to run away from it, you are like non-stop growth like you are. And I don't want to say nonstop growth because there is a period of like of reflecting and being in your new baseline, right? But you are able to continually move forward and experience life, do life like you get to live. That's how you get to live is learning how to do that. And so yeah, do it, invest. Find somebody that you resonate with that can support you in this process, whatever it is that you're going through, right? Like maybe it's not a breakup for you right now. Whatever it is. If you're feeling stuck, invest, figure out these tools. What works for you, become a master of, and then boom, like life is a playground. It truly becomes a playground because you're not hiding from these things. anymore.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I think even just kind of going through this in partnership and being with your partner and you're not going to always be on the same timeline regarding your growth spurts, but what if you had supportive tools to help your partner when they're going through that sort of the next role, you know, the next crisis that opens them up to their next greatness. Or we if we're going through separate things together, I mean, it kind of opens up a whole nother, we'll have to do another hour where we talk about couples doing this work.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I know.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:How can people work with you, Alana?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:There's three different ways right now. There's, I do work in a group healing program. So it's just a weekly healing. And then for people that are really ready to learn these tools for themselves, then there's separate program for that. And then I also do work with one-on-one, with people that are really wanting that focus. I love the combination that it comes with group work as well, because when we're in group work, and I know you can both attest to this, if working in this space is that you're able to heal at like a crazy rate because you're healing things that you weren't even aware of. Right. You're like, oh, right, I have that too. I would never have thought to bring that up right now. So, the one-on-one comes with the group work as well and yeah, it's, we keep it, we go deep, but we also focus on the fact that we're creating growth. And I call it the playground.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:The playground and you have a free gift for our audience.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:I do. So, it is a free live group healing where we get to go
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:At the playground.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Get to go deep into the playground and heal all of those things. There's no, nothing's off limits. There's no, it's whatever's coming up in that moment.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:You don't have to be going through a breakup to be a part of it.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:No.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah. Are there any prerequisites?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:There's no prerequisites.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Even if you're doing great, just come.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:It's seriously, because even there, you can then start moving forward. You're like, okay, I'm doing amazing. What's next? Like, what's next? How can I create more amazingness in my life? Right? And that's really what it becomes. You start at like, okay, I need to heal this stuff that's going on here right now. Right? And then once you're like, oh, actually I feel really good. Okay, now where am I going? What's going to grow from this? Right? So yeah, there's no prerequisites. As I said, it's what brings you in the door, right? The work is the same. It's usually it's around two hours. Sometimes it runs a bit over.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Two two hours and some change maybe.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah, it's a deep dive.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:And if people can't attend live, is there a replay?
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:There is a replay as well. So it will be made available to anyone that can't make it live.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Great.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:It's such a great gift.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah. We're going to have all the information for you just look below or look at the show notes and you'll know the steps you must take in order to be a part of this live event or to tune into the replay. Thank you so much. That's such a generous offering. I'm totally, well my curiosity is peaked. Like I want to see what want to, I want to feel the healing energy of what kind of opens for people.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I'm sure sitting with you in one of those sessions for two hours would bring breakthroughs for anyone at any phase in their journey.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:It's really why I do it\because I really, I want people to be able to experience what is possible. There's people that heal things that are like, I've had this for 10 years and now I don't have it anymore. And, you know, so it really is possible. And it comes down to the energy underneath it. So even physical stuff, a lot of people heal physical stuff in So, yeah, come with all your questions.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Play at the playground.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:And, we will play.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:All right,
Leah:you so much
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:For being here today.
Alana Parkinson | SxR Guest Sexpert:Thank you both. I had such a great time. You guys are amazing. I just love you.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Thanks for bringing so much. Goodness all right, y'all, we'll catch you on the flip side. Love, love, love. We're gonna dish it up, we're gonna dish it up, dish it up.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I love Alana. She's so great.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:She just feels like one of our girlfriends. I think we should go down to Mexico and hang out with her.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:yeah, I'm totally in. I felt such a connection to her right off the get go with my interview with her when she was doing her summit and was like, yeah, this is a super soul.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah, she's just super wise. She's got that deep embodied knowledge. She has been through it herself. She walks her talk. You know, you can really feel that in her, in her presence and her delivery. And it's just coming from a very authentic place. And,
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:And a really curious place.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah, totally.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:feel like there was no judgment in the pushback regarding, you know, there's still something in the way if you don't have what you desire There's, there's this space, what's in the way between you and the fulfillment of that desire, um, what's the story that's got you, that's got, that creates the obstacle in front of you?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:um, and, and that doesn't have to be a a harrowing, horrible experience. Like it's just being curious and just, you know, taking a look at the unconscious belief systems that we don't even know we're running. But if we don't like, yeah, sometimes it just takes somebody asking the next question that opens up so many doors, you know, that changes your perception of, of everything. What, what do you feel like, you know, going through your last breakup and process, what, what changed in your perception as you did the work? Did you have to rewrite any stories or belief systems? Any tapes that you had to...
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I mean, I think what came up for me was, was, like, this really deep seated, um, stuff from the collective of, like, of the, you know, there's this song, um, that kept playing in my head, and it goes like this, Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken? Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken? You know, so it's like, it's that stuff that we're like, am I too this? Am I not enough that? Am I da, da, da? And like, I didn't, I didn't think I had any of that shit. I thought I was over, above and beyond super in my sovereignty, super in my confidence, you know? But then to get so rocked, and so shattered. It all just came up for review. It all just came up to the surface. And it was like, it wasn't so like, it wasn't this question of like, am I not good enough? It was even deeper than that. You know, it was, it was like, those words seem like a high, like a, a level that wasn't true for me. It was, of course I know I'm good enough. But there was something even deeper that I can't even really put words to...
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:...put names, yeah.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Can you see the emotion that comes with it? Because it's like, why? Why are we living in a society? Why are we living in a world where we all have that? Like, deep, deep, deep, deep down.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:do
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Even if we think we don't
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Do it comes down to, like, uncertainty? I mean, when I think about some people that are kind of reaching into that place, it's like, what if this doesn't happen? Or what if that doesn't happen? Or what if this, you know, thing doesn't happen? You know, this thing that I feel like should happen?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah, like that I really think I want...
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Isn't it supposed to happen?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah. Is this, am I going to be one of those people who doesn't find their, you know, life partner in life?
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Right? Yeah, I think, um,
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:And there's a level of acceptance around that, and that's the surrender, and that's the surrender that gives way. That's the fuckin ring of fire right there in birth. Like, you have to surrender into it. You can't leave, you can't go home, you can't distract. You gotta be with that ring of fire to get to the other side.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:yeah. I think every time I've been single, and I've been single a lot, um, I have not been one of these, you know, um, what do they call it? Uh, serial monogamist. Yeah, yeah, no, I was not the person who always, was always going in and out
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:me get into the next
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah, I felt like there was a lot of alone life. And, um, Yeah, and that was often one of the things that would percolate, like, well, how are you gonna be, if this doesn't come to be? You know, like, how are you going to surrender to that? How are you going to receive that with grace? How are you going to unplug from the longing? Are you supposed to unplug from the longing? And then if you unplug from the longing, what does that mean? Does it mean you could cut off all attraction and it's never, I mean, how you got to strategize this? Like to care or not to care, you know, be all in or be all out. You know, it just, you just kind of, Oh, I remember, I remember all those things. And even in partnership, even in marriage, you know, I mean. Matt has said on more than one occasion, sometimes it just feels like you, like, you checked off boxes. Okay. Good. That got that one done. Okay. Good. Got that one done. What's next? You know, and I don't want to be a box that gets checked and it's kind of a profound thing to sit with because the one who checked the box isn't experiencing it that way.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Right.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:The reflection of that is like, huh. Well, let me get curious about that, you know?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah. Curiosity is clutch to any part of the process, any part of the journey that you're on, whether you're in the, you know, honeymoon phase with somebody. Or I think what it is, is we want so badly to know. We want to have certainty. We're, we're creatures of habit. Like we do well with routine. Our health is better. We sleep better if we have a routine, you know, and there's, There's safety and security within routine. Right now we're in the year of the, the water rabbit and the water rabbit wants safety and security. So everyone collectively worldwide really wants this. Like, where's my burrow? I'm going to go home to my little cozy burrow and have some tea, you know, like there's this desire for stability right now. And we're living in a very unstable world where everything is shifted and we don't know where we stand and I think that's causing a lot of deep fear collectively and inside of individuals to really be, um, either lurking in the shadows and, and ruling your life unconsciously or coming up to the surface for, for some serious look at me, you know, some serious review.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah. So thanks, Alana, for bringing to the table, you know, being in deeper inquiry with ourselves and, you know, unpacking the things that have us feeling less than or not good enough or too much or, um, You know, that kind of just rock us. You know, and to just keep trusting, keep moving towards the fact that it's temporary. Whatever pain you're in, um, you can find yourself in a different place, but you got to be where you're at right now. You can't, you, we don't get to skip a lot of steps. That just kind of creates a lot more distraction. So if you can just be with yourself and the sensations and breathe. And And then it'll be time to make a sandwich, or it'll be time to take a poop, or it'll be time to go on a walk, or it'll be time to answer the phone, you know, like, these moments of, of discomfort, they're there until you have to do something else. Until it's time to go get the mail, you know?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:And really being with those emotions and really going into them I do think really speeds up the process quite a lot rather than distracting looking at social media or looking for some kind of dopamine hit outside of yourself, you know. Whether it's dating somebody that you're like, I'm not really into them, but they like me so I'm gonna you know Get receive some attention from them. I think going it's your your time And your energy, your chi, is better well spent actually going into it and doing a lot of ritual. Ritual, ceremony, song, that shit gets me.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah. Cause she really brought that. I mean, I really sat with that just observing her is it's not, yes, go into it, feel everything you're there to feel, like metabolize it, finish chewing it up. You know, it's like, let's, let's, let's get this through the system. So it doesn't have to live there and become concrete in your chakras. Um. But don't forget to find the magic in every day. Look for the magic moments. Look for where you can be uplifted. Where you put your attention matters, and sometimes your attention needs to be on finishing metabolizing sadness or anger or frustration or uncertainty. But then what's next is what's beautiful in your world? What's going right in your world? How can you be intentional with experiencing love in your life. Love for self, love for nature, love for your pets, love for your job and your friends. I mean, there's love all around us and that's nutrients. I mean, that's a thing to nourish you when you feel like you're just living on empty calories of emotions.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:On that note,
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:on that note, we don't really have any answers. Just a lot of good ideas.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Let us know what you think. Shoot us an email.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah. How did you get through your last breakup? We'd love to know. All right, y'all. Love, love, love.