Melissa Saavedra is a proud Latina and US Navy veteran who is the visionary founder of Steamy Lit and the innovative Steam Box. Leah Piper, Dr. Willow Brown, and Melissa tackle taboo topics, from the power of erotica to confronting sexual shame, challenging gender roles in the military, and overcoming religious guilt associated with indulging in steamy reads. Together, they create a safe space for open conversations, advocating sexual positivity and self-pleasure.
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Melissa Saavedra is a proud Latina and US Navy veteran who is the visionary founder of Steamy Lit and the innovative Steam Box. Leah Piper, Dr. Willow Brown, and Melissa tackle taboo topics, from the power of erotica to confronting sexual shame, challenging gender roles in the military, and overcoming religious guilt associated with indulging in steamy reads. Together, they create a safe space for open conversations, advocating sexual positivity and self-pleasure.
LISTEN IN TO:
EPISODE LINKS
Leah & Willow's King & Queen of Hearts Intimacy Toolkit is on sale. Use Coupon Code KINGANDQUEEN10 for 10% off. https://www.sexreimagined.com/the-king-and-queen-of-hearts
Awaken Arousal Oil Lubricant "I had a 3-minute orgasm and then a 5-minute orgasm." - Beth https://exploreforia.com/awaken-so?irclickid=wyXW6byI5xyNWouwIoQAUS1GUkAx4m1JsS6bSc0&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_source=Impact&utm_campaign=Sex%20Reimagined&utm_c
SxR Hotline | SxR Website | YouTube | TikTok | Pinterest | Instagram | Dr. Willow's Website | Leah's Website
Melissa Saavedra is the founder of Steamy Lit. She is a US Navy veteran and proud Latina as the founder of Steamy Lit, home of the Steam Box. Her goal is to open communication around sexual wellness and diversify readers bookshelves around the world. And we had so much fun interviewing her and she's powerhouse.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:She is doing something really super cool and I just, for all you lovers of reading, you got to check out what this chick is putting out in the world. So much sexual positivity, self-love, positivity, self pleasuring positivity, and really making a safe space for wherever people are at no matter who you are. You're going to really enjoy this episode and you're going to get. Probably more than you ever wanted to know about Leah's thorough enjoyment of erotica.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Erotica
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:If you want to know it all, stay tuned. So you know what to do, don't you Willow?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Tune in, turn on, and fall in love with Melissa.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Melissa!
SxR Announcer:Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Melissa, we are so excited to have you today. I cannot wait to pick your brain on so many levels. Welcome to Sex Reimagined. So you have, I think, a really interesting business and business model. You, it looks like you have a subscription based product called Steamy Lit, and it is a box of fun. hot, interesting books. Maybe some erotica, maybe some romance novels. It looks like there's some other cool products. I don't know if these end up in the boxes, like candles and looks like a
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:dildo? Oh, that's all part of the kit that people get? Such a great idea. I mean, how did you even come up with this idea? What, where, what? Tell us about yourself Melissa.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Well, and is it fair to mention too that the focus is on is it women of color authors? Is that also a part of the....
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:yes. Really any authors part of any kind of marginalized identity or community with a focus on women of color?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Hmm. That's so powerful.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah. So tell us your origin story.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah. So I was born in Peru and I migrated to the United States when I was nine. And reading has just always been like my safe space, right? And so through the pandemic when I was at home, I was married at the time and my spouse was deployed that whole like 2020 year. So I was really by myself and just the dogs. And again, like, reading just kind of became that like space for me. But to kick it up a notch. There was so much going on in the world that I just really needed happy endings. Like happy stories, people finding their love story. And I just really turned to romance and two things happened where one, it was a little bit harder for me to find books by people who look like me, who had similar cultural backgrounds as me. And then two that like, I was fucking horny when I was reading the books. I was like, holy shit. That was hot. And I'm like, are we not, what are we doing? What's happening after you read the scene? Do we just go back to work like normal or like, you know, what are we doing?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:What do we do with all this Jing Chi. All this libido.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah! We need to do something about it. So, I kind of made like a passing comment to a friend and I was like, wow, someone should really pair romance books with vibrators. Like that should be a box. Yeah. And my friend was like, so do it. And I was like, huh. And I'm like, one of these people that, when I get an idea, I have to see it through. It's going to happen. And so I was like, okay, how do I buy wholesale vibrators? Which like is a whole other story on its own, but, so I really just wanted to put a lot of focus behind two things embracing our sexuality and self-love and the stigmatizing that, like taboo, that shame around those topics. But just around romance in general, because in the book world there's just so much stigma in taboo around romance, right. And so, the other part to this that I wanted to be intentional about was that I wanted it to make it easy for people to find books by people who look like me or who had similar cultural backgrounds. And just like in general, putting a real effort into just diversifying people's bookshelves. And so that was kind of how it got started.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah, tell me like, not only why is that important to you, but what's the significance about that part of the whole story of having authors who are, you know, coming from a place that you identify with?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:I feel like there's something so powerful that happens to you when you see yourself in media, period. Right. For me, my preferred method of media is books and it's reading. And for a really long time, all I saw was white stories and white people, which was fine.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:White characters.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:right. White characters. They didn't have the same stories of going to their grandma's house or going to their tia's house or like that, like, you know, those just cultural differences. And once I was able to see that reflected in a story, there was like no going back for me. There was just such power in seeing yourself. In, a story in media, whatever, whichever way you take that in that really did it for me. And obviously like it's all different, right? because you're reading about all kinds of different cultures and experiences. But it also did something for me in that like, it opened up the world to me on other people and other cultures and how they live their life and how they do things and why it's important just as it's important how I live my life. It's important how they live theirs. And I feel like learning through reading was just like really life changing for me. And after I was able to see just stories of people who look like me or look like my husband at the time, or like my friends or just the people I've surrounded myself with, you know, I was like, holy shit.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I never really thought of it so much before. Probably because I take for granted being white, the characters in most novels.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Sure.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:But what's interesting, all that said I've been reading a lot, a series that has been based a lot in Texas.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Okay.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:and so like these towns, it's been like Texas and Louisiana and and so you get a vibe just from the way the author describes the restaurants that they go to eat at and they're neighbors. And I imagine that if I ever lived in Dallas or in Lafayette, you know, I would have a, there'd be a spark that would just feel like, Hey, I know exactly where they're at and what that vibe feels like. I no longer live in Michigan, but I deeply identify as this like Michigan girl. And I don't know what it is. I think we're just really nerdy when we come from Michigan. You find out someone's from Michigan and you just want to hold on tight and you feel like you have met a kindred spirit. You'll never talk to them again. Then you just met them on the bus or at the airport. But there's something there, right? So, I mean, I can kind of connect to culture and the feeling that opens inside of the body, like my heart opens for some strange reason when I meet someone from Michigan. I don't know why, but like something sparks and opens. I can just see, like I'm, I've never read a book that was based in an area that I actually ever personally lived in. And so that's a cool concept. And then to take it even further when you have language in ways of communicating and certain cultural familiarity, you know, all those things, even if that's an accent or it's food or it's, you know, the words that we refer to people, you know, like whether that's a romantic word or the name of the grandmother, you know, all of that. I just, I love bringing attention to the significance of that. I never thought about it before. What have been some of your, like the people who subscribe to these boxes, what do they have to say about their experience of being exposed to new authors like this?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:So, I think there's two parts, right? There's the just diversifying their reading in not only cultures, but just like queer stories and trans stories and folks with disabilities and just things like that, Right. But there's also the aspect of self-love and the stigmatizing that conversation about, like, masturbation and especially when it comes to folks who identify as women, right? There has always been so much stigma around us talking about an orgasm, about pleasure. Like we've always come in second, It's always let the man get his nut and like we're just there to bang our head against the headboard, you know, like, and being able to take that back and really, I think it was being able to have a community where you can have those conversations. Our first box, our soft launch box, we actually paired up with a sex therapist. And so we had people sign up for different sessions to just talk about just different things. She focused on like how to turn dollar store items into things you can bring into the bedroom, right?
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:So, fun!
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Oh, fun!
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:great.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:It was something that's easy for people to access very low cost because pleasure should be for everyone, right? So, I think what, how people have responded are that not only are they able to now learn about new folks and new people and new cultures, but they're also learning about themselves and what sexuality looks like to them and how best they can embrace it while removing the shame. And that's been my favorite part of this.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Oh, I so love it. Yeah.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah. So, it's not only like a subscription, but it's actually a community that's building and there's a
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:of support and being witnessed in probably overcoming a lot of cultural shame and guilt. And, I actually spent quite a lot of time in Peru and traveling around. I was like, wow, the gender roles are so
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Defined?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Defined. in this culture. And, on one side it's like, wow, relaxing, this is what the women do, this is what the men do. And on the other side, where's the exploration and the freedom and all of that. So I think, you know, having grown up in, not in that country, but being from that country. Just curious, like what, what's been for you, what have you had to overcome?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah. Yeah. Having to tell my mom, having to tell my mom I was selling vibrators was like, definitely
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:You had to overcome that one.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:In the vibrator business, mama.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I can relate to that.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:I think though with my mom, something shifted in her when we moved to the States. Right. I feel like she became a lot more open-minded. I feel like our conversation could have been a lot more different or difficult if maybe we were still living in peru or we had lived in Peru longer. I feel like maybe it didn't come as a full surprise because I've always been very outspoken in a way. So I think to her it was like not as terrifying. I think I was more terrified about telling her I was going into the Navy than about selling vibrators. So I feel like that says a lot about our relationship. But you know, when thinking about my aunts and my uncles and my grandparents and my family in Peru, I can't even be like, I've just kind of like, if they find out, they find out, they don't talk about it, I don't talk about it. Right. So I don't even know that it's been like a full, it's something that I fully overcome because there is a lot of just shame around sexuality. Right? And like you said, Peru is our roles, our gender roles are very defined. And I mean, to the point where my mom giving me advice has always been very much like, greet your man when he gets to the house and meet him at the door and, what are you cooking for him? And I'm like, what is he cooking for me?
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Right. Very domesticated.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah, your partner at the door when they come home we advocate for that too, that's just good practice.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:But it's a two way your welcomes too, know?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Where I think what, for me, the conversation always what shifts for me is does the person reciprocate? Right? It's almost like her expectation of me as a wife was that my role is to stop everything I'm doing and greet my partner at the door. And because he's expecting to come home to his woman, like, you know? And so there's a lot to unpack there. And I've told her many times, like, mom, I think you need to go to therapy. I think there's a lot you could work through there. But I think that was probably the hardest for me, Right? Like knowing that we're talking about selling vibrators, but at the same time you have this expectation of me as like a wife in a relationship. Right. And what your advice is to me as this like gender role expectation of being a wife in a marriage.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Versus like partnership in a marriage, like how to have a great relationship between two people. I viscerally, you know, sort of relate because I think we're one of the generations that has that less. I mean, I feel that way about me. Maybe you don't feel that way about you. Although, although just by the tail, I mean, when I take a look at the difference between my mom's conditioning about who she was supposed to be as a woman, a wife, a mother, like the traditional standard. And then how much more conservative that was with her mother. And I feel like a rebel. Like I don't prescribe to much of it. And I do try to kind of shift my mindset to try to see a different view from their eyes. I've had to stretch myself to kind of see the heart behind it all. Is there like religious undertones too, regarding any of this?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah, I think so. I mean I grew up Catholic going to, you know, mass every Sunday. And I mean, just to tell you a funny, not funny story, my mom took out her birth control because she when she did confession with the priest, she told the priest she was on birth control. And you know, the Catholic church does not believe in that. And so she was like, you cannot do the first communion with your son if you have birth control. And so that's how I came to be.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:That's how you were born.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Because she took out her birth control. So again, I think when we moved to the United States there was another shift of religion.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Oh really?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:We very much grew up like, every Sunday going to church, going to like church classes on Sunday school, and like on the weekdays. And eventually she let me kind of make my own decisions but you know, for my grandparents, that was not acceptable like I was supposed to be going. So I tell my mom this all the time, but I'm sure her father is like, turning over in his grave every time I like make a sale.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Sell a vibrator.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Every time you sell a vibrator, right.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Well,
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Oh, Lordy.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:do you see that a lot in the community that you're building, like a lot around the religious shame and the religious guilt around sexuality? Like, and how do you address that within the community? Like what kind of resources are your members receiving?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:I don't think that there is a lot. But I think in, I think maybe we just haven't gotten to the point where we're talking so much about it.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Okay.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Where we did do some just like. Community, feedback on like orgasms, right? And a lot of what I found there was that most people didn't even know what was happening to their body when they had their first orgasm. If they had even orgasmed, right? And it was because there was this shame of not talking about it to their family members. And this came from like many different people, many different cultures, right. So while it's definitely something that I can relate to in like a Latinx perspective, because I feel like kind of within our Latinx community, we don't talk about sex, right? We're not having that, like this is how you orgasm conversation. But this came from multiple people. I recently had a customer who emailed us and was like, Hey, I didn't realize this is what came in your box. But for religious reasons can I please cancel my order because I cannot receive what you're sending. And so we canceled the order. I wish at that point, you can't really have more of a conversation after that, you know, through email. But, I am not an expert in any way. And so I'm actually going back to school now to get to just study women, gender, and sexuality because I feel like
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:That's exciting!
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:There's so much there that intersects with what I'm doing within romance and the book world that I feel like I want to gain more knowledge so that I can speak to and continue to cultivate the community that we're building. because I think we need it.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah, we definitely need it. There's really no like, platform or specific community. What you're creating right now is, is so valuable. And really, like whenever I've worked with Latinas or women of color, there's always been you know, a different kind of deeper, I don't know if it's deeper,. But a different kind of seated shame and a bit I think because there's like, white is good and color is bad. You know, it's like this old paradigm that we're moving so far away from. But that underneath just religious shame and guilt around sexuality, underneath cultural shame
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Cellular conditioning.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Around sexuality. Yeah. It's very multi-layered. So I think to have community is so important to be able to you know, share like, oh my God, I had this amazing orgasm, who wants to talk about it with me within this community?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:To bring pleasure more forward,
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Even in our friends groups, we don't talk enough about it. Right? We're not texting our girlfriends most of the time and being like, I just had this mind-blowing orgasm. Let's chat. You know?
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Well, Willow and I do.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:That's what we are doing that with our friend group.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:I I love that.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:It wasn't always like that. Yeah.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Right. And I mean, even to what you were saying about religion, I read a book like a couple years ago called Priest, which is very much a priest like falling in love and
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I think I saw that title somewhere.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:it's fantastic.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Okay.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Oh, cool.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Big ratings.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yes. it's by Sierra Simone and there's a whole series. And so even for me who I thought I was like a little bit more evolved, had like removed a little bit of a shame through the work that I do. When I read Priest, I had to stop.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Oh really?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:because there's a scene where they're having like, Anal sex with like sacred oils. Okay. And like the Catholic church in me was like, oh my God. Like, I need to.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Visceral reactions in your body.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Like I had to, I had to close a book and come back to it. Like it took me, I can usually
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:You had to process
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:a book.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:a little bit.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:I can usually finish a book, you know, in a couple of days. And for me, this was like, Wow. that was a lot. I need to process that. Let me come back to finish this.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:What was your process, Melissa? Can we ask you, can we dig a little deeper with you personally?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:I think for me it was like, I don't say I'm religious because I'm not your like I go to church on Sunday every day. But I feel like I have my own very relationship with God. Where I do pray a lot. I pray for things. I talk to God all the time. That's very much in me. So I had to kind of like, but I also pray, right, for my small business, and I pray for the work I'm doing. And so I had to kind of like merge those worlds together in that, it's fine, nothing's on fire. Like you can totally read about this priest banging someone. Like it's totally okay.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Anal orgasms for priests.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Are amazing. Yeah. Anal for everyone.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Anal for
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:for everyone.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Sacred oil, bring it on. I actually got a little turned on when you said that Melissa, inner Catholic girl was like, bring it.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:You know, but at the same time, like having this conversation with the powers above me of like, but I'm in this path that is doing so much good. And I had to like remind myself that the hatred that you learn through Catholicism sometimes in hating things about yourself or the way you explore your body or who you love, Right. Is not the same relationship that I have with religion. And that I am love and accepted no matter what. So that took a whole like six months for me to like unravel.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:You had to do your inner work around that, like you had to really reconcile.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah. You had like the angel
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:I haven't.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:the devil kind of having a conversation till they came to congruence. Well done girl.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:And I haven't been to church in like, I mean, years, right. And I haven't been to a Catholic church in like many, many more years before that. So it's so insane. And it's so interesting just how like those first 10 years of my life that were so rooted in religion and going to a Catholic school and all of that, like have still stayed with me through my thirties, Right. Like it's wild.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Wild. I so relate to so many things that you're saying. Like I grew up in a Pentecostal Christian, oh my God. We are speaking in tongues and we are flopping around on the floor and the Holy Spirit is in each of us. And then got baptized into Catholicism at 11 and went to Catholic school and did the whole Catholic thing. And I think, you know, I'm reading right now a to, I mean, I've just been obsessed. Having, I feel like I'm having my own another sexual awakening by reading erotica. I mean, the listeners are probably sick of hearing about it. I'm like masturbating 10 times a day and having the time of my life.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Between the Foria Arousal Oil, and eroica she's reading.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I tell you and
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:get enough of these.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:And the anal sex scenes are my favorite, and there is no way I could have stomached it. You know, 20 years ago when I first started on this path. And I was healing from so much shame and I was so scared of and had this visceral reaction around anything having to do with anal play, not knowing that I had, you know, sexual trauma as a kid, specifically anally. And I always felt like when anyone tried to come near my ass, I had a big reaction and it seemed out of proportion compared to what my friends I knew who were dabbling in that. And I was kinda like, you mean that's normal? Like that's okay? And you like that, and are you sure? Because I thought that was just a big lie that no one really liked it and you can actually have an orgasm there? And are you sure? Because I think that's just porn propaganda or something. I just thought I didn't understand it at all. I felt so naive at also, once I started to learn about it, just how much I didn't understand this incredible body that we have and its capacity for pleasure. And this, then feeling like a deeply spiritual person. I mean, I set out on this whole Tantra thing because I wanted a place where God and sex came together. That was my driving motivation. Cause I felt like they were so separate. And to bring God into your asshole and go like, what's so bad about having a happy ass? And, you said something earlier that I really wanted to pick the thread up also is this, we sort of normalize male sexual energy and you know, it's so cute, he is got a little erection. Of course they're going to have wet dreams. Like masturbating for teenage boys is pretty normalized. That doesn't mean they don't have their own shame. Certainly religious shame does a number on boys too. So it's not to minimize anyone's experience. But I feel like with this Christian conditioning, what was held to the highest was this virginal-be a good girl. Almost like pleasure's not for you. It's always for your partner. And it just is crazy making to me now. And in the discussion of things like anal sex and multiple orgasms and normalizing that our, you know, I have a teacher who says, look, God invented sex. Men and women have been fucking it up. And to just kind of go, what would it be like if we were living in a world where we were comfortable in our bodies, we were comfortable in heavy nude bodies, we were comfortable in making the sounds of orgasm and didn't care if the neighbors hear and trust that the kids are going to be okay.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:If they hear it too. You know, there's so many layers to this.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Absolutely. I say this all the time too, like I literally have this holy shit, my body just did that every time I make myself orgasm. And I want more people to get there. I want more people to like, be in awe of this pleasure that your body was able to bring you. Let's talk about it. Like, hello?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Let's be in awe of it. I love that you just said that. Yeah.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Like, your body just did that. Like the amount of pleasure your own body brought you. like,
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:The amount of pleasure you brought you to.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:right
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:My self pleasuring is taken on a whole new scope. I mean, this is not the girl who self pleasured in high school, you know, with a sheet between her legs and trying to get as much friction as possible, but everything was tight, tight, tight, tight, tight, tight.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:the butt, squeeze the legs together. Squeeze, squeeze.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:And now it's like, it's expansive and it's, I like to play with edging and how long can I go before I tip over? And how much energetic, like awareness over friction. I mean, I could get really graphic. I don't know if I should but there's lots of things that I feel like I'm tapping into and it feels like such a gift of sexual sovereignty. And I feel like I'm getting to know my body and my spirit and what I like in such a beautiful way. And I really wasn't sure if I was ever going to tap into that. I had friends who tend to have a self pleasuring practice that was really robust and anytime I did it between my twenties and my thirties and my early forties. That was nice. But I rarely climaxed. And I really feel like the romance and the erotica novels are taking me somewhere I've never quite been before.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I think that's one of the valuable things about literature and really all media that, is healthy and working for you is it gets your mind imagining something different, and that's what Sex Reimagined is all about. It's like, let's imagine beyond what we know. Let's expand our scope and our idea of what sexy is, of what pleasure is. We can even get into that sort of masochistic realm of like, wow, that hurts a little bit. But I like it.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah. I wonder if I would like that spanking that that sub just got.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah, there's something about the
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:the 30 smacks and subspace, and I'm like, I've never, that sounds really good. I mean, kind of, I don't know that I would like it but she really liked it. He really liked it.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:What's like one of the most risque books that you've put out in one of your boxes?
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Ooh, that's a good one.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Oh. I'd have to think about that. I don't know. I kind of do a spectrum of steam, right. And in the book community, there's a lot of conversations about like whether a book is opened or closed door and like how much steam there is.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:What that mean, o or closed door?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Open door is when, you know, the whole sex scene is there. Where like closed door, it fades to black basically. Like it insinuates that they might have sex, but then it's the next day in the next chapter, right? So there's nothing.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yes. No, mm-hmm, open book.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:So my,
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Open door.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:My vote.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:I definitely prefer an open book, but why I like to be careful when I have this conversation is because there are a lot of people who experience pleasure and just romance, Right, in a different way. If you are part of the asexual spectrum, you're not experiencing love and pleasure the way that society has taught us is normal.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Right.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:And so I like to be very intentional when having conversations about like spice and what's open and what's closed and like what, because not everyone experiences it that same way. And so when I choose books for the Box, I kind of like to put a spectrum of like books that have open door scenes, but also books that honestly the hottest thing in the book was like the amount of sexual tension there was because the scenes were closed door. And I think that also opened up my mind to not everyone experiences pleasure and romance the same way I do. And
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Well thought out.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:I feel like there needs to be more conversations about that because I feel like there is a big group of people who sometimes feel excluded from conversations about sex, pleasure, romance, because they're not experiencing it the same way.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah, that's such a good point. And you know, and I like this idea, this open closed, right? I mean, that's significant for just describing what the book is and what the author is writing about and their style of writing. And, but what it does to the reader. Will this open me or does this close me? Because an anal scene 20 years ago for me, would've closed me. I wasn't ready for it. And my nervous system hadn't done all this work in order for me to like see anal pleasure with a completely different perspective. And so we're ready for what we're ready for and something will either close us or open us. And so to sort of have a journey with that to go on an adventure to know where you started, where you traveled to, maybe what you go back to.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I'm curious for you, like how old were you when you got your first romance novel? Something that was sort of steamy and risque, maybe a little bit.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:So actually not I was, oh, I was in my twenties. I read 50 shades and that was my like, holy crap. And it's interesting because before that, all the books I read that I really loved had some kind of romance component. So like, I guess I just, in my little mind, I just didn't realize there was a whole romance genre that just like, it's happy endings like in both ways. Like we're getting happy endings and so when I started reading 50 Shades, I was like, oh, there's like
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:There's whole world there. Yeah.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:But even, for example, with my mom, I got my reading habits from my mom. My mom is like a very big reader, but she doesn't read romance, right? So little by little, well she only reads in Spanish as well, so I need to find books that have been translated. But little by little I'm like putting these things on her radar or on her kindle or like just buying a book and leaving it for her because I feel like she has not had the chance to experience that either. And like you said that earlier that you were like, I'm masturbating like a hundred times a day when you're reading these scenes. There's just so much power behind being able to imagine and like you said, right, like open or close, where this book can push you to realize that, huh? That person enjoyed that. I might enjoy or I might not, but I think I want to try and in your mind you can almost access this sex scene in a safer space for you. Before you realize whether it's something you're turned on by you would like to seek pleasure.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I mean it has literally changed my view of porn and you know, what I would see visually didn't turn me on. But what I was reading, which basically represented what I was seeing, does. And to look at even fallatio and cunnilingus in a totally different way. It has shifted something so dynamic in just my own preferences and what I'm more willing and open-minded to explore. Like I feel like it's taken some of my judgments and, and transformed them. And I think anything that can transform a judgmental mind to an open mind, fuck, we need to capitalize on that. We need to like, we need to say yes. That is the direction we should all be seeking
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:And I mean, interestingly enough I think like last year I read an article that while it was like the first time book sales had dropped but romance books were actually like the most selling genre. So I feel like there's this shift in this movement that is happening. And I love it. I love to see it.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Cool, Yeah. That's so cool.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I am curious about your personal, like you were in the Navy, so I mean, we're talking about re-imagining sexuality, but also re-imagining like roles as women, as men. So you have some, like a whole other really like wealth of information, wisdom probably, to share with us around like, what was that like to step into a more masculine, traditionally masculine paradigm in the Navy as a woman, as a Latino woman.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah. You know, it's something that I didn't really think about until after I left the Navy, like how male dominated it is. And funnily enough, I ended up working in athletics after, in collegiate athletics. Which is also male dominated. So both paths that have been rewarding in their own ways. I will say the navy or just the military is a little bit more unhinged than, you know, like collegiate athletics. But you know, I didn't realize how inappropriate like the military is until I left. And like to the point where what we were having, I was having this conversation with another person who served with me, also a woman. And we were talking about this was at the time that I cannot, I think Vanessa Goen is her name. She was an army member in Texas and was murdered by someone in the Army. It was like a, it was very all over the media. And basically the story was opened up like a floodgate on women coming forward about sexual assault.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:In the military? Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Hmm
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:And what that made me realize was how much inappropriate approach there is to women in the military. That was just so normalized for me until I got out and started incorporating back into the real world and realizing that like
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:That's
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:things are just not okay. And it's not normal. And luckily I had a, and this is just fucked up in general, right? Like I said, I had a good experience as in like I was not one of the women who was sexually assaulted. And like, that is a whole problem on its own. And
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah. I know a lot of woman have had that experience.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:You know, the military needs to do much, much better. But You know I overall had a really good experience. I think what maybe tainted a little bit of it for me, like after I left, was like going back through some of the things where, like back then I may have questioned was that okay? Was racist? Was that like a little sexual harassment? In a way I'm like thankful that I was so normalized to it that it didn't cause trauma that I'm aware of. Right? That I'm aware of at this moment anyway, you know? But yeah, I mean it's like really interesting because when you are, I actually work for a military contractor now. Cause I still have a full-time job. And so again, I'm like in these spaces with these men who are in these roles where like they are supposed to be.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:It's very sort of alpha oriented, status oriented, power oriented, competition.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:And so are you noticing now Melissa, still being sort of in that paradigm of the masculine industry? Are you noticing, because I imagine doing this Steamy Lit business and like connecting with all these women and, you know, bringing sexual sovereignty more into the world, you've had to do a lot of up-leveling inside of yourself and expanding your own capacity for pleasure and what it means to be a woman and what it means to be a Latina woman. And I'm curious if you are now noticing, like, feeling more triggered or more affected with some of the things that have may have been going on.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Oh yeah. I can't, like now I can't even take like a passive aggressive email because I'm like, absolutely not. Like I'm not
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:So you have some You boundary now?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Right. right. Where like before I feel like I played the role I needed to play so that so I could just like thrive in what I was doing.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Kind of Play the game.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Without realizing how that can affect women to come.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Like how unhealthy it actually is.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Like playing this game of like being in with the boys while not realizing how hurtful that will be for women's service members to come because they're not being checked. Because they're not being told that. No, you cannot tell because I laughed off their sexual harassment. Because that's not to say every, every person is like that, right? Like, there are plenty of great people that I know who are in the military who are not. And I do think that the military is trying to come to terms that they cannot continue the way that they are. But I do notice that now, I mean even now, like I'm going to the gym and I have this trainer who was telling me about this man who basically just sits in the bike and like watches women workout, Right. And I'm like, so he's like, you know, kind of try to avoid him. And I cannot tell you how quick I will lose my shit, right? But I did not have the same before I would like, oh, you know, he's an old man. We're just like not doing that anymore. But it's been really interesting in how I've had to uncondition myself on how I was conditioned.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Right,
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:To take orders from men and to play this game, because when you don't play this game, you end up being the bad sailor. You end up being the person who's not recommended for things. You end up, you know, so it shouldn't be like that.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah. It can cost your livelihood as a woman.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I love your connection to your mom and you like dropping off books and leaving books and putting books on her Kindle. That's where I first discovered my first romance novels was finding my mom's books. So it was a little flipped, and I kind of felt like they had to be sort of a secret. It's not like I didn't let anyone see the cover of the book, but there was no conversation about it. And even now, I know my mom and I like similar books, but we don't talk about it. I mean, I don't even know like what I would force myself to be comfortable. Because I feel like it's my duty to be comfortable about sex in all circumstances given my profession. But I'm not always, that's not always an authentic feeling. I just try to stay open especially anyone in my family wants to talk about something intimate like that because it's such a departure from where we kind of came from. But there was this feeling like of hiding the books a little bit of, even now, like not really wanting anyone to know just how much I'm into these books because I don't want them to be made fun of. I don't want them to judge me. I mean, there's a little bit, even with my husband, where I think he thinks it's silly. Because he reads very serious nonfiction books and I'm like, well, you should try having a good time over here. But you know, like there's that judgment. I think that kind of brings the conversation around back to shame that you can have an experience of a lot of self-acceptance and a lot of self-exploration, and yet there's still this little bit of discomfort. And I think part of it is not wanting to be judged, but also not wanting to make someone else uncomfortable because of where they're at sexually, you know, where they're comfortable with regarding their own sexual exploration as a human being. You know you don't want to trigger anybody. So I'm curious what you've encountered when it comes to shame and reading, especially romance novels.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah. I can write probably like a whole paper on this. So there's a lot of conversation right now in the romance community about Discrete covers.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Discrete covers.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:What I mean by that, I don't know that I have any on here, but instead of like a man or a couple on the cover it will be like the title of the book and Flowers. Do the flowers have anything to do with the book? Probably not. Right.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Well half the time the models don't either. I mean, it'll be a representation of someone who is not described in the book at all. You know, like they have the wrong color hair and they're half naked and they don't look like the actual characters, like no one actually read the book to decide what the cover should be. It's very strange.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah. And I think think that it depends on what you're reading and I think there's also, right, if you're reading like a book that has been independently published, Right, the author only has access to certain stock images. And so like they have to use whatever they have the ability to use and trying to find someone that matches their characters a little bit better. And that's like a whole other topic. But yeah, I mean there's a lot of shame still even within romance readers about like how we're displaying what we're reading. Right? Like funnily enough, I was wearing a shirt that said Smut reader at a romance panel, book panel. And like I could hear two people like kind of whispering about how bad tastes like smut reader was like, why would you wear that type
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:now I want one.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Thing? There's a lot to unpack there, huh. But I'm not going to talk about this right now. And so, I see both sides of it, where as much as I want people to be like, here's my naked man on the cover, I understand that every single person has to go through their own journey. Right? And I also understand that, for example, when I worked in athletics, all during my lunch break, I was always reading. And more than not, I would have my boss come ask me, Oh what are you reading today? Right? And so, like, if I have a naked man on the cover, like I just don't want to deal with the,
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Thoughts that they,
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Thoughts, the petty.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:To be like I'm reading a book on politics.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Or like being able to, because if I'm holding my Kindle, I can just be like, oh, it's this, tell you the premise maybe a little bit, but you don't even have to know it's romance. Right? Or When you're looking at a naked chest, you know that it's a romance. And so then you have to have these conversations about Toxic masculinity and why are you coming at my book? And sometimes you just don't want to deal with those things. So there's like that side to it, but then there's the other side, right? But there's like the other side where people are just, have not worked through their shame of l of allowing other people to know that they're reading something that brings them pleasure. Every time I hear the term like, guilty pleasure, I hate it, because you should not feel guilty about something that brings you pleasure, right? And one of my favorite romance authors, Kennedy Ryan, if you haven't checked her out she
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Writing her down.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Writes fantastic sex scenes.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:We just have a moment of just going, okay to all the authors out there that write amazing sex scenes and then double down with just great storytelling and great character development and like, wow, you have my admiration. You are, you're creative. Oh my god.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:It is an
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:artform. Okay. Sorry, I just had to have
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:no, you're good.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:how to have an
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:So
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:woman.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Actually talked about this and said you know, when you have a space like the romance community where it's dominated by women, there's going to be a lot of men. And just like society in general who try to put it down because it's something where women are excelling and are thriving. And that really made me think about like how we have been conditioned as a society to think that romance novels are lesser than not realizing that these are amazing women who are writing these amazing stories that like most men could never and we've just been conditioned to like, feel shame or to look at them like lesser than because that's what society has been telling us, Right, And then so much of that is just like, intersected with pleasure and what are you reading and why are you reading about sex? Because then obviously you're a slut obviously. So what if I am a slut? I want to have more sex because I, these romance books turn me on. So what?
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Or, you're escaping or your, there's a deviant sort of judgment sometimes. How many of your customers are men?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Like one.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Really?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:What
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:got to, we got to
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I'm so curious about your customers and some of the reviews or testimonials that you get from them. I mean, are you getting a lot of feedback where they're like, oh my God, that last book you sent me just changed my world. I just had the I just Amrita
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:hit the
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:like, wow, for the first time I squirted! You know, like, are you getting that kind of testimonial? Are you getting reviews that are like that last one was really triggering for me, or too shocking for me, or whatever.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:I'm, not receiving anything on the books really of anything. I receive more about the vibrators.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Is that right?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Like, Holy shit like that made my soul leave my body, or,
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Wow.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:And so things like that, and that always makes me like really happy. I like to put up question boxes sometimes, just like asking people what they think. What I do love about the romance community in general is just that like how willing everyone is to talk about what turned them on and Like what their kinks are and like, call me a good girl. And I feel like romance books are really paving the way for some of this just work that we're doing within ourselves to like just leave shame behind. And it's really great to see even when it's like, you know, you're following someone for a long time, they didn't read romance and then they start reading romance and you kind of start noticing just like different things, right?
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:What do you notice?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:I just feel like their openness, like the way that they talk about, maybe how they reviewed a book at first, and then like now they're like heavily reading romance and they're like all about sex scenes, you know, or like before it was something that they were just
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:barely talk
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Approaching with caution? and you know, all that I can hope for in that. I tell people this all the time, like, you know, just because I'm over here like posing with my vibrator on a picture, like that's how I'm embracing my sexuality. Embracing your sexuality looks different for every single one of us. And as long as you are doing it the way that like looks for you to release that shame, do it, it doesn't have to be, you know, us talking about like our latest orgasm. It can just be you opening up a romance book, but whatever that work you're doing, whatever that path is, it's perfect just for you as long as you're like working on releasing that shame.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Okay. Do you ever have the feeling when like you're reading a really hot sex scene in a book and you're in a public place? Like there's a part of me that's like, I wonder, could someone read this page? How would someone react right now if they were reading my book over my shoulder? Like I still have, like I was on an airplane yesterday and was, oh, this book was so good. It just had me in its grips and you know, I just have to squirm. There's nothing I can do. But you just wonder like is anyone else feeling this hot right now because this book is hot. Like there's a little, oh God, don't look over here and read what I'm reading right now.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Read my face.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:There's also something very titillating also and kind of forbidden that has its own erotic appeal about doing something or reading something that's naughty. I mean, I think there's a beautiful place to actually sexualize that and to celebrate the naughty or the forbidden and allow that to be an expressive part of our energy. But still, I'm present too, and I'm a little uncomfortable and I don't want to be really found out. I like to talk about it after the fact, but what would somebody really think? So it's like I can see the, I can take myself to a more positive viewpoint, but that's not to say that the other cringe is still there. And you know, I just wonder, like, does it matter if that ever dissolves? I think I can hold both and hold both openly. And maybe that's the path to dissolving that thing that still goes, huh? I wonder what people's reaction is to me. So expressively talking about how much I love anal scenes in books right now, at this time in my life. And do you find, okay, I'm sorry, I'm just expressing myself voraciously today on the show. Oh, okay, this is my question. Do you notice that as you continue to read, you want more explicit reading? Like that's what I've noticed. I kind of want authors to make it more suspenseful and to keep those scenes hot, hot, hot. And I notice that I'm disappointed when there's no anal sex in a book. Like I know people feel that way about porn. If there's no anal sex in the porn, they're not interested. So do you notice there's a
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:No. not for me.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:No.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:I do know a lot of people who, like, they continue to dabble in like more open, the better.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Right? Like some people go harder and harder porn.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Or like even going into like, you know, dark romance, which like has, maybe that might be your jam if you're,
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I don't know.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:you know
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Dark
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:that stuff. It's
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:well, how,
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Not yet anyway.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I mean, I do like a little kink these days, but that's because that's my growing edge. Was that, is that labeled dark? BDSM kinky stuff or is it more like rape other stuff
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:This more, Yeah.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Like violent gotcha.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:The degrading, I think there's also like stalker like, and.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Suspense and danger.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Right. Like a whole other conversation. I feel like there's something really powerful about a woman being able to like take that power back through their writing and like these scenes that are usually scary, right? Anyway, but for me, actually, I kind of have a reaction to really open scenes like I do when you watch porn in your orgasm. And you're like, okay, close. I don't want to that's it. Like, I don't like exit, exit, exit. So that's kind of how I feel about books that are really open. I enjoy them, I masturbate, I'm done with The book. And then I really need a really sweet love story after that. really need Yeah. Yeah. Like I need some, like, I need a
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:spank me harder, but
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:me after. Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Love
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I'm, reading someone right now, Lexi something or other, and all of her books seem to be sort of B D S M oriented and all of them end with everyone winning. Like it's a love story over and over and over again. The dom and the sub, they just, this DS relationship, they make it work, they overcome adversity and it just is sort of those feel good, happy ending books that are awesome.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:You should try Sarah Kate. I think you'll
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Sarah Kate, and also I love a
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:list.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I don't like to let go of those characters.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Oh yeah. It's, it's a
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:of them. Okay, good.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:it's a series. Same thing. Um, I,
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Sarah Kate.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Sarah kate? Sarah Simone, Kennedy Ryan.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I think you should Just subscribe to Steamy Lit.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I should.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Think that's what you need to do. Um, so
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:about the,
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:How can people sign up or register? Do you have a free gift or something you want to offer our audience?
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Sure. So we are at www.Steamylit.com and then so we have the steam box, which is our quarterly subscription box. So every quarter you get three books. Some kind of sexual wellness item, usually a toy and then like five self-care item. So we really try to create a whole experience with it.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I love that you send Lube with your books, by the way. Yes. Congratulations and what a great name.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Steamy Lit!
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:I know.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:You scored, great branding.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Which, like we were talking about erotica earlier, but I don't know if y'all know that Satisfier now has toys that are app connected and their app actually has erotica in it.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:No.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yes. That will sync with the toy.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Okay. So I have heard of apps and vibrators that are creating sexual research data to really understand more the responses of the vulva and the clitoris and the g-spot. Really, really interesting research using these vibrators to collect data on what expands and opens in particular vulva owners sexual orgasmic experience. But I've never heard a combo with a book.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Yeah. I haven't tried
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:at the Brain vulva connection, the brain.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:I, haven't tested it out yet, but I plan to. So I will keep you posted. But yeah, www.steamylit.com. We are actually having our romance book convention in Anaheim Steamy Lit Con. Thank you. And that's actually going to be kind of a merger between like, not only romance but sexual wellness as well. So, like the founder of Bloomi will be one of our keynote speakers. Like one of the porn companies, Erica Lust they make ethical porn. They'll be one of our sponsors. So we're trying to really like, do this intersection between like the two worlds, because I feel like there's a lot to be gained from both worlds colliding. And if people shop at www.steamylit.com, if they use Summit15, they'll get 15% off. Their purchase or their first box.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:And I love this trinity with the vibes, the self-love goodies and the romance novel. Fuck.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Smart.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I mean,
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Leah's
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:So excited to like support you and to tell more people about Steamy Lit. It's such a genius idea and...
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:so powerful.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:The mission behind it is to give everyone a chance to explore this part of their nature at any stage that they're at. It's a come as you are party.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah. Literally.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:It really is.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yes. Yes. Love and approval, right where you're at.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah. Melissa, Thank you. for all the incredible, amazing work that you're doing in the world. Just out of the, out of your own heart and passion and just desire to see things transformed and reimagined what's possible. It's just, it's a, it's makes my heart feel so full.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah.
Melissa Saavedra | SxR Guest Sexpert:Thank you so much.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Well, there you go. Y'all go pick up your romance novel and if you haven't read one before, what are you waiting for? My God. And if you are a penis owner who's never read a romance novel, get with the program already.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah, and it could be a really nice thing to gift your woman.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yeah. Read it together.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Steamy Lit, do it together.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:All right, love, love, love, love, love.
SxR Announcer:Now, our favorite part, the dish.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I'm just kind of jealous. I really wish I would have come up with some of her business ideas. I mean, what
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:know, you could still do it, Leah. You could niche it a little bit different. I mean, there's not very many things like this out on the
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Right, right.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:romance novel or erotica with a vibrator with some self care. In a box!
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:lubricant or... Yes,
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:That's pretty good.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:that's really good. That's really good. Yeah,
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Although for
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:the theme.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:doing like four books a week, so.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:right. Yeah, I'd have to... Triple up my subscription. They'd have to do some personal shopping for
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Now let me ask you this. Now, okay, you've been consuming all of this erotica for months and months and months now, and now when you're having sex with your husband, are you
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:mm hmm, mm hmm. Oh, I, it's like it's become a new, I never realized how important it is and I don't know if this is especially true for the female brain. But to get your head in the space, to begin to explore my own experience of turn on before I even go into the bedroom to have an intimate experience with Matt.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah, it's like you're going you're taking yourself from a zero to a six or seven before you even get intimate.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Or like a three or a four. It's not always so, so dramatic. Um, and if I'm, if I'm finding myself distracted or like having a hard time heating up or getting really turned on, then there's a door I can open. There are these little short scenes. Now I don't, I don't try to have like a whole fantasy when I'm with Matt, unless we're communicating and co creating, yeah, playing out some sort of, you know, idea. So, cause I want to stay present with him and he's who I want to make love with. So I don't want to be like off.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:All up in your head. Yeah,
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:So what I sort of have that I leverage that I kind of use as a hack is I have these little snapshot scenes that for whatever reason really trip my trigger. Oh my god, they're like, they're total, a lot of times they're connected to my core erotic theme. We should do an episode on core erotic themes one day. Um, and... It's just a quick little scene that opens the doors to my body that go, Oh, okay. Yes. Thank you for that flash. And now back to the main event, you know, so I do, I do enjoy exploring that.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:And are you starting to ask for different things in the bedchamber with your hubby?
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Well, that's,
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:get more curious?
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:That's fair question. I am noticing that I... I want to explore more new things than ever before. And I'm also sensitive to us being in different seasons that isn't always at the same...
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Right.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Living the same timing. And so I want to be, I want to be treated really in a sensitive, respectful way of me being able to be really authentic with how my body is expressing itself sexually because it's not always Mrs. Turned on. Um, despite what people might think. Um, it hasn't always felt so alive and I wouldn't speak for Matt in terms of where he's at on his journey. But what I don't want to do is create pressure for there to be a performative experience that doesn't have its own natural fuel for curiosity and interest. I don't mind pushing the envelope and having the envelope be pushed on me, but I want it to be done really carefully. So I'm mindful of that in terms of what I ask for and I'm still a little shy. There are things that I probably would like to say more up front and out loud, but even I don't know how to do it fully. I could probably coach someone else to do it in their relationship, but when it comes to my own relationship, guess what? My little things kind of come up, and I notice my throat chakra feels a little blocked, and, and I'm, you know, who isn't a little sensitive about not wanting to be like rejected? Or told to no. Or and I don't think Matt would but I don't want to make either one of us uncomfortable and then that's probably a very common hang up that a lot of couples have where communication kind of You know, doesn't, they're not communicating in a way that really serves their desire. And that's something that I could really use some support with. In fact, we talked about, you know, going back and seeing our therapist. I don't want just a la carte sessions. I want to commit to a package where we are held accountable. And I have a place that I can practice saying things out loud that I want to explore, but that there's a translator there in case we need one.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Right. Right, right, right,
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:you know, that keeps us both
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Do you ever just, like, share the scenes? Like, oh, Matt, Matt, I just read this amazing scene and here's what happened. mean,
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yes and I have tried like reading scenes out loud and that's, that didn't, that didn't go really. Yeah, that wasn't really, that didn't go anywhere. I was really hoping it would.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:It would be really interesting to like, um, keep tracking Melissa and her work and what she's doing and kind of like, even have her do like a, like polls or like collect data. Like how much better is your relationship getting with your intimate partner? How many more orgasms have you had this year than last year? You know, whatever. I don't know. Just
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:like data researchers, statistic
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Maybe you can just work with Melissa and just have some, you know, a little input.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Wouldn't that be a fun side job? Maybe we should get out of the podcasting industry and start becoming researchers?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:No, Yeah.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Not me either. Wish I had it in me, but...
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:I will say that I do let Matthew know, Hey, I'm gonna go self pleasure over here. There's a really hot scene. You're welcome watch.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:To join me.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Yes.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Love it.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:And he's been known to take me up on such a treat.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:I'm sure he has. The smart man that he is.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:so
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:God bless. Thank you, Melissa, for doing your work in the world. We're so proud of you. We're so happy to know you. We are big supporters.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:And let's support these various marginal communities who are artists, who are creating beautiful works and, Let's go read their books. Find out all the good steaminess from all over.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Yeah, expand our, our ideas of sexuality.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Mm hmm. Yes, it's time for me to travel around the world, as far as I'm concerned, regarding my books. I mean, I've been stuck in Texas and Lafayette.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Get out of the Midwest, girl! You gotta get on over.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:The last two authors I've been obsessed with? Colorado. Lafayette and Texas. What's up with Texas and erotica?
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:All kinds of hotness there.
Leah Piper | SxR co-host:Okay, that's it. Love, love, love.
Dr. Willow Brown | SxR co-host:Cheers.
SxR Announcer:Thanks for tuning in. This episode was hosted by Tantric Sex Master Coach and Positive Psychology Facilitator, Leah Piper, as well as by Chinese and Functional Medicine Doctor and Taoist Sexology Teacher, Dr. Willow Brown. Don't forget, your comments, likes, subscribes, and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together.