Polina Solda: The Compatibility Cure; Why Traditional Dating Advice Keeps Failing You

Polina Solda is the Founder and CEO of Love by Design and host of the Find the Right Man Podcast. She’s a Master Certified Love and Dating Coach who helps women find love and is the leading Eniostyle Expert in the U.S. 

IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL HEAR:

• Polina explains how the Eniostyle system is based on 4 main psychological personality types.
• She’ll help you understand your dominant personality type and recognize your ideal partner's type for compatibility. 
• Polina shares a powerful question to ask yourself and potential partners to identify their dominant personality type quickly.
• She uses celebrity examples to illustrate compatibility between personality types.
• Polina offers tips for people already in relationships with non-compatible personality types. 
• She emphasizes how you develop strengths in your secondary type.
• We hear a success story of a client who found her ideal partner after struggling for years using generic dating tactics.

EPISODE LINKS

• Polina’s Website | Instagram | Podcast
• SxR Episode #50 - Overcoming Triggers in Intimacy
• Movie - Bridgit Jones Diary

Leah & Willow's King & Queen of Hearts Intimacy Toolkit is on sale. Use Coupon  Code KINGANDQUEEN10  for 10% off. https://www.sexreimagined.com/the-king-and-queen-of-hearts

Awaken Arousal Oil Lubricant  "I had a 3-minute orgasm and then a 5-minute orgasm." - Beth https://exploreforia.com/awaken-so?irclickid=wyXW6byI5xyNWouwIoQAUS1GUkAx4m1JsS6bSc0&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_source=Impact&utm_campaign=Sex%20Reimagined&utm_c

Transcript

Leah: 1:50

Hey there, it's Leah Piper, your Tantra expert here at the Sex Reimagined Podcast.

Willow: 1:55

And Dr. Willa Brown, your Taoist sexology expert. And we had such a fun interview today with Polina Solda, who teaches women how to find the right man. She even has a podcast called How to Find the Right Man. And she teaches them with her very simple, proven process based on psychology. And it is so fun to learn. And you're going to have so much fun listening to her, this Eniostyle system that she uses. You're going to get a taste of it in this next episode.

Leah: 2:28

Yeah, so have fun. You know what to do, my friends. You just have to tune in, turn on and fall in love with the beautiful Polina.

Announcer: 2:35

Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show.

Leah: 2:44

Polina, welcome. We're so happy to have you today.

Polina | Interview: 2:47

Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here, too.

Leah: 2:50

So I want to just step right into it and, have you tell us how is your work in the dating system different than all these other dating specialists and experts out there that help people find love?

Polina | Interview: 3:04

Such a wonderful question, and I love that you use the word system because what makes my approach so different is that I'm using a system, and it is a psychology backed, personalized approach. I'm using a personality typing system that empowers women, first of all, really connecting to who they are and owning who they are and showing up authentically, and also it simplifies. and personalizes the whole approach to dating. Because they know exactly who to look for so it empowers them in recognizing the right person, the most compatible person for them and it's all scientific and psychology backed and it simplifies it by eliminating all that wasted time and ah doing what I call uh dating blindfolded. Where you are just randomly guessing and relying on some basic things like physical attraction and common interests. Yet, as we all know, as, uh, we get to know each other, uh, if we're only relying on that general, like, basic attraction, uh, and superficial criteria, uh, it takes us time to realize that we might not be right for each other. And so personality typing eliminates all of that and saves a lot of time.

Leah: 4:20

Cool.

Willow: 4:21

Tell us a little bit more about this typing work that you're working with.

Polina | Interview: 4:25

So the system is called the Eniostyle. It is based on, uh, Carl

Willow: 4:31

Say it one more time. The enios.

Polina | Interview: 4:33

Eniostyle. What it means is, um, it's an energy, and ion, information, a style of energy and information exchange. If you think about who we are as humans, we're just a combination of energy and information. And if you think about relationships, what we do is we exchange energy and information. So it is a certain style, and There's nothing new about this four, there's only four psychological types. Uh, this was, uh, created by Carl Jung. So it's all psychology backed. And chances are we all know that we're logical people. We are emotional, sensory, and intuitive. So it's based, uh, on those psychology... Proven and backed criteria of how we naturally show up in the world and what our natural strengths and assets are.

Willow: 5:28

Mm. So within the system, are there, are there certain types, like if somebody is more of an energy type or more of a, what, the for the sensory type?

Leah: 5:37

emotion, energy?

Polina | Interview: 5:39

So, so, Carl Jung was the first one who came up with this, uh, distinction that some people are more logical than others.

Willow: 5:48

More

Polina | Interview: 5:49

people are more intuitive, creative types, uh, logical or systematic, and some people are really more into, like, they're really emotional feelings and relationships are the dominant, like, focus, if you will. And then there are also those sensory people who, uh, also very, like, driven and visually they want, like, everything has to be the best and we want to get to that next level. And so we all have a combination of all four. However, each of us has that dominant. So, somebody's not going to be both very, very logical and rational and practical, and very, very emotional and sensitive and connected to their feelings than others.

Leah: 6:32

because they're too polarized?

Polina | Interview: 6:34

Exactly.

Willow: 6:35

Is there a primary and a secondary in this system?

Polina | Interview: 6:38

That goes deeper. So on the most basic level, uh, we all have a combination, but once we know, so we all come with that, the dominant strength. Like, it's also our mission. It's something that we cannot not do. So for example, uh, somebody who is very creative, they're going to come up with ideas. They're going to innovate. They're going to, uh, be driven by what's, What's interesting to them and it's going to be very, very different like their priorities and how they choose to spend their time. And even what they value in the relationship is like that having that freedom to be who we are and be expressive. It's going to be very different than somebody let's say who wants a lot of attention and the world is that the world of emotions. It's a, it's a constant fear of emotions and let's talk about this and this is how I feel today and please spend time with me. It's like very different. You can see, right? Like, yeah, of course we all want freedom and we want attention and connection, but at a different degree.

Leah: 7:38

Yeah. You know, a willow, I bet you're thinking what I'm thinking right now.

Willow: 7:42

Yeah. I'm like, we're likening

Polina | Interview: 7:44

mind reading.

Willow: 7:45

stuff

Leah: 7:46

are, we are. It's another, uh, another one of Freud's, um, famous students. Wilhelm Reich has another kind of personality patterning system, and I'd love to see when systems overlap and they're picking up the same threads, even if there's different language to them, because it's sort of... And my feeling when it lifts me up to know we're following something, you know, like it brings more truth to every system when they're interweaving.

Willow: 8:12

When they

Leah: 8:13

So, I'm already enjoying this, this process. So, how would you, Polina, like,

Willow: 8:18

Describe the other two. I want to hear about

Leah: 8:20

oh,

Polina | Interview: 8:21

Yes,

Leah: 8:21

okay, I'll wait on my question.

Polina | Interview: 8:23

Sure, so then, so and let's, by the way, what, what makes Eniostyle so brilliant? First of all, it's super simple and it's fascinating and it's so easy to learn. So there are, there's four types, can be easily remembered, uh, just like four cardinal points. And if you think about even the countries and the cultures that I'm going to talk about, so North, uh, you will immediately know what the mission is. It's super easy to learn. So North, what do we know about North? Uh, practical, right? Think about, uh, functionality, minimalism. Right, there's that system that we keep, uh, there's a structure. Uh, and then East, creativity, ideas, wisdom. Think about any country, like,

Leah: 9:03

Right. Eastern cultures, yeah, have this rich, yeah.

Polina | Interview: 9:08

South, really hot in terms of emotion, connections, family, sex, like it's all about relationships. So their mission is to ensure that the humanity continues. East ensures that humanity continues in the way of involvement, like let's invent internet and electric cars and things that didn't exist before. But then North also ensures that the system is there. Let's have rules and law and order and All of the, like, the systems. And then, of course, West is, if you think about West, also in terms of, like, even geographically, uh, advancement, we want to be the best, we want to be ahead, uh, achievement, success, right? And so it's very interesting, so very specific criteria that I teach all of my clients to recognize, so very specific, like, even our body types. Even our, um, how we think it's going to be driven by what our type is, somebody will say, I just had an idea. Versus somebody else will say, well, um, this is the first time we meet, and it's appropriate to talk about the weather. And they're not going to say that, they're just going to start talking about the weather. And they're going to be very, like, systematic and logical. Or somebody else is going to just start talking about their feelings. And, so, what was your last relationship like? And then West. We're going to talk about, you know, uh, what I want is that when I get into a relationship and this is, this is, I want to travel, like, I want to do this. I want to build my business with my partner. It's going to be like, in everything. It's so, so easy to learn and fascinating to learn.

Willow: 10:49

Mmm,

Leah: 10:50

So, so then there's directions, and then you have, what, what do you call, like, the pattern type when you're either an intuitive or a

Polina | Interview: 10:57

So, that is your type, that is your type, either North, East, South, or West.

Leah: 11:02

Okay. Okay.

Polina | Interview: 11:03

The dominant type. Of course, we all have a combination.

Leah: 11:06

Okay. Gotcha. Okay. I'm following. So then what's the next category within the system?

Polina | Interview: 11:11

what's so important to why, why we want to understand it is because um, when I even looked at the, in the research, because we, we're not even getting to like the point where people commit to each other and get married. Which, by the way, at that point, they think, these two people think, we love each other, we want to spend the rest of our life together, right? um, all couples, 7 out of 10 break up before that first year mark.

Willow: 11:34

Mm

Polina | Interview: 11:35

And it happens for the same reason as 50 percent of all marriages fall apart. And that basic reason, so out of about 50 percent of all marriages that end up in divorce, the 50 percent rate, half of them the number one reason is basic incompatibility. And so, why Eniostyle is so empowering besides the fact that it makes it super easy, you know exactly who you are, but you start and it simplifies, you know who to look for. It ensures that who you choose as a partner, of course you can choose anyone, uh, based on who you are, uh, you can choose the most compatible partner for you. So it's easy to be together and that is the number one reason.

Willow: 12:18

What's the most compatible for the emotional? I want to talk about compatibility.

Polina | Interview: 12:22

Again, super easy. Totally. So they are, uh,

Willow: 12:26

the north and the south, the east and

Leah: 12:27

let, can we, can we, can we, can we frame it just a little bit different? And that is, what would you, how would you help someone who's coming to you for the first time? And they're, and you know that they're an emotional.

Polina | Interview: 12:39

the first of all, uh, when, whenever somebody comes to me and I already have an instant hypothesis. Somebody just talked about it earlier

Willow: 12:47

can feel it,

Polina | Interview: 12:48

off camera, right? So, but I will not, um, robe that person of self discovery. So each client, uh, as you learn the system, you're going to automatically know who you are. So each client will, uh, each person will determine, discover their type. And, uh, once they know that it's who is most compatible is going to be somebody who is different and complimentary. And that is going to be exactly. The opposite, so North, it's very easy, polar opposite, North and South, and West and East. And the reason for that is because, so what we want is we want somebody who is different, yet complementary. We don't want somebody who is so different and not... Complementary, compatible with us at all. Or, uh, again, you can be with anybody. The question is what it's going to cost you. We could be with somebody who is exactly the same as us. And

Leah: 13:46

and just

Polina | Interview: 13:47

going to happen?

Leah: 13:49

to death.

Polina | Interview: 13:49

Or, or what's going to happen is, first of all, not compatible types. Uh, they're not going to be compatible right away. So I'm going to give you an example. Let's say you're a North type of woman. You have your calendar, everything is planned for week ahead. You, you, uh, really value that system. You have your plans, this is what you do every day. And these type of men, and there are plenty on online dating sites, they love to play, they are full of creative ideas, they are so spontaneous. What makes them so interesting is they're so romantic and predictable but what also drives women crazy of a North type is that they make plans, and then the day comes they're meeting tonight, and then he, how he thinks very creative, driven by interest. So someone else or something else happened and he says, let's reschedule and that drives her crazy. So right away that, that already is not compatible at all. They just have different values. It doesn't work out at that level. They haven't even met yet.

Leah: 14:58

That, um, that's a great example. Yeah, yeah, I can see that.

Willow: 15:01

So what about the emotional who's like, Oh God, I really, you know, I

Polina | Interview: 15:06

what happens, right? What happens? Let's use the same example. A north type of woman, very structured, logical, has her system for a soft type.

Willow: 15:17

Because this is compatible.

Polina | Interview: 15:19

For them, they're compatible. So for them relationships is everything. And they will make a plan a week in advance and they will keep it. And it's not because, like, this is just logical, I said that I'm going to do it. Like, their thinking is different, this is important to me, this is another person, and they have their feelings, and they might get hurt. And they are going to be, like, aligned.

Leah: 15:47

Gonna follow through out of obligation and out of respect.

Polina | Interview: 15:51

Yes, ethics of relationships is going to be their reason. And for a West, so my husband is an East type. He's the one who can like just change his mind at any moment. And

Leah: 16:03

Is that the intuitive one?

Polina | Interview: 16:05

Yeah, that's very intuitive. I'm a West type. For me, really, my making impact is really a priority. So when I have... He's like, let's reschedule. I'm like, first of all, I have, I always have other options. I'm so grounded. I'm so like, for me, it's like, okay, no, not a problem. I have that flexibility in me. And I'll be like, okay, it's your loss and I'm gonna work on something else. Or I have other men, like when we were dating, it was exactly the case. It's like, it's not a problem. So I can handle that and for that man having that freedom and be able to, like, know that there is no leash, and all of a sudden he's like, what's happening here? Who is she? And now, I'm not chasing after him. And that, for him, is like, subconsciously, that's, we're always looking for our dual partner. It's called the dual partner. It's the exact

Leah: 16:59

see how that would be compatible. Yeah,

Polina | Interview: 17:00

Yeah. 14 years.

Leah: 17:03

14 years? That's awesome.

Polina | Interview: 17:04

Yeah. Yeah,

Willow: 17:06

Where did you learn this system?

Polina | Interview: 17:08

That system was invented in Russia, uh, like 40 years ago, and it has been tested and refined. I've, uh, this is where I, you know, originally come from, so I speak the language, and I got certified. Uh, like, I saw how empowering it is. Because what happened is then, in all of my work, I would get clients results, they would get into a relationship. But then some of those relationships wouldn't work out later on and I never knew why like where was something missing. And so that compatibility I think is the key. And so for all of my clients now who use the system and they choose most compatible partners. They say, they all say the same thing, it's like how easy it is because you can be totally yourself. Like the qualities for example in my relationship I'm very like direct. I am like My business is very important to me. And for him, his freedom is important. So we complement each other. Like I can totally be myself. I can say like, look, yeah, like just like he's playing golf is golf this afternoon and I am doing this work because I want to spread this message. It's like, it happens naturally. So it, of course it

Leah: 18:20

Both following your joy. It's like you're, you're being authentically who you are and what you're driven to do. And you make it okay for each other. Because, yeah... so you're west, he's east.

Polina | Interview: 18:31

Yes.

Leah: 18:32

Okay, okay.

Willow: 18:34

Give us an example of a couple that you've helped or a couple that you know who's North and South.

Polina | Interview: 18:40

Yeah. So north and south, uh, actually let me give you a great example. So I tell all of my clients, uh, who are south type,

Willow: 18:47

Oh, and also, let's, let's also, as we say North and South, let's give them the name, too, so

Leah: 18:53

The type.

Willow: 18:54

yeah,

Leah: 18:54

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Polina | Interview: 18:56

you mean like north is logical, south is emotional. Alright. When I have my, um, ladies south type, which is emotional type, I know right away, so I can see it's a South type of woman, there's certain criteria we use. And then they tell me about the reasons why, or like, patterns in their relationships that didn't work. Like, they're dating. so what happens is two things, they're dating a West type or they're dating an East type. I can tell exactly, like, the type of man that they were with without even, ever seeing them, just based on the challenges. And before we go into how it works really, I want to also show by contrast why, again, why compatibility? Why choosing most compatible partner? Because if you're a soft type of woman, your mission is to love, emotions, feelings, relationships. So if you choose without even knowing, knowing nothing about different personality types... and for example, a West type of man is portrayed by the general dating advice industry as Most desirable is high quality men. West is somebody who is very masculine, driven, ambitious, gonna be successful. Like, I, like, I am West type, like, I want the best of everything, right? And they... Or they can be like, yeah, like, I want a man provide, protect, and lead. However, for a South type of woman, his priority is going to be that ambition and that drive. Her mission is to love. She wants attention. Uh, there will be that, there will be those moments when she will feel like she has to put so much effort. She's not going to get what a North type of man is going to give her naturally, that guarantees he's

Leah: 20:52

Cause she, her, her system is wired to make that partner the number one priority in her world.

Polina | Interview: 21:00

And he will never do it.

Leah: 21:00

And system is not wired

Polina | Interview: 21:02

that way. not going, exactly,

Leah: 21:04

Feels neglected and, um, not a priority and is always kind of grasping for what she needs.

Polina | Interview: 21:11

exactly. And for a North type, uh, so this is where I want to lead to an example actually, which is even beyond my clients. Let's just use an example that anybody can look up, and that is Bridget Jones Diary. Because Bridget Jones... This is a very classic South type of woman. It's all about feelings and how she feels in her body and processing all of her emotions and connection to food and pleasure and comfort and kinesthetic. So how it's so interesting. So Mark Darcy is a North type and it's very interesting to see. I'm going to get to that point in the moment. What happens when the South type of woman tries to create a relationship with a nice type of man, why it's a disaster. It doesn't work. And actually her boss, Bridget Jones, very playful, very romantic, very fun and exciting takes her on an emotional rollercoaster, but then it hurts. Because his attachment style, avoidant slash anxious. He gets anxious, is she gonna like take all of my freedom? So needy. She's too much. Uh, I need my space. Uh, like this is not interesting anymore. And she needs all that and attention and nobody except for that North type for whom it's his system. His mission is to keep things. He's always going to be there. He's going to be consistent. He's going to be reliable. And so what happens, we bring the best in each other. He becomes more available for he's a great listener, he holds that space for her. She calms down. She knows this man is not going anywhere. He's going to give her that commitment. He makes dinner plans on Tuesday night for next Tuesday at 7 p.m. Next Tuesday 7 P.M. they're having dinner. It's as good as done, and she gets be her best

Willow: 23:04

can

Polina | Interview: 23:05

self. Relax!

Willow: 23:07

She can be herself. I

Polina | Interview: 23:08

That anxiety is gone, which is her typical, uh, attachment style, is anxious. Like, do you love me? Do you still want me?

Willow: 23:15

Oh yeah, that's, that's

Polina | Interview: 23:17

her crazy.

Willow: 23:18

Do, do each of the types kind of have a more, like a more anxious or avoidant style?

Polina | Interview: 23:23

Yes, that's a great question. Absolutely, there is a trend. So, uh, West, uh, West and North tend to be, uh, uh, more avoidant slash secure, slash secure. East and South. So, uh, East can be both avoidant and anxious, and I see it actually, they shift, okay?

Willow: 23:45

their creative nature of being

Polina | Interview: 23:47

Creative in nature is, uh, that there is uncertainty. And so what causes...

Willow: 23:54

I want to go over here and create. No, I'm over here and creating.

Polina | Interview: 23:56

Yeah, what causes that, uh, what causes a feeling of anxiety oftentimes is uncertainty. So they live in that. That's their air. But then there's also avoidant

Willow: 24:08

huh,

Polina | Interview: 24:09

attachment style if they're being triggered if their biggest value is their freedom. And if somebody... Like, my husband was engaged three times. Never got married, but he dated, so I typed all of his ex girlfriends. They were all the same East type, they were too similar, he

Leah: 24:28

Oh.

Willow: 24:29

And he's east, right.

Polina | Interview: 24:31

Was an East type, and so what was missing is that, again, that example of that grounded, who is like, okay, fine, you know, I'm, I'm busy right now, and now he's not going anywhere.

Willow: 24:43

yeah,

Polina | Interview: 24:44

From the contrary, but I don't have to try. I just, who I am.

Willow: 24:47

it's just naturally who you are. And, okay, I love this, so how can people assess themselves, is there a quiz, is there an assessment?

Polina | Interview: 24:56

Yeah. So I actually, so I used to have a test, but now, to really to do that right is to learn the system. So all of my clients, that's what I teach. Uh and my entire program what makes it different, it's completely customized. So once you know your personality type, It's very different paths. So for each type, it's very different strategies in how you communicate and even where you meet men. Because in East type of man, like they're going to be entrepreneurs, freelancers, creative type, like where are you going to meet them? They're going to be in like a very interesting like, uh, think about nomads and, uh, original, innovative, like musical, like music festivals in the desert. Some things like that. It's going to be unusual. It's going to be creative. Versus North type logical system. Any kind of system. We love to dress. In the way that system tells them, so it's going to be very different. Think about doctors, think about police, like system, think about pilots. You have to follow order. Right. Uniform. They love uniform or they love very traditional like corporate America. It's very, very clear, right? Math, accountants. And West is going to be, they want to be their own boss. They're going to

Leah: 26:19

want to wear whatever the hell they want to wear because they're their own

Polina | Interview: 26:22

at the highest level, right? It's like, I get to run this place wherever, you know, I'm a CEO of my own business or Uh, somebody's company, I am in charge here. So very different, like, and of course, South, anything that has to do with emotions,

Leah: 26:36

Mm

Polina | Interview: 26:36

entertainment. So if it has to do with food and watching

Leah: 26:42

and the arts.

Polina | Interview: 26:44

sports, like watching sports while you're enjoying, they're going to be there. Absolutely.

Leah: 26:50

How fun.

Willow: 26:52

okay, let's say, so in our system, there's like, you know, you've got your primary, you've got your secondary, and, and there's a, there's a light side of them and a shadow side of

Polina | Interview: 27:02

Yes. It's exactly the same.

Willow: 27:04

so you, you reach, you kind of can transcend the, the shadow side as you evolve over time, as you become more and more conscious. And so I'm curious if you have people come to you who are already in relationship, you know, they're already committed to And they're like, damn, we don't have the primary poles that we, you know, that are ideal, but maybe they have transcended that and their secondary, um, pattern, personality pattern, shines through a little bit more and can kind of, um, bring more harmony within the relationship.

Polina | Interview: 27:39

Yes. That's a good question. My gosh. So I, so my, uh, my focus mainly is I, I work with women who are single. And they want to find the right man for them. And I actually guarantee them that result. So I work with them until they find that person. And I teach them the system. They know exactly what to do. Why it works. And they get there. However, what I also teach is that it doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to be perfect. I think as long as you align on the basic. Again, uh, it's just easy. But if you're not, if you're already in a relationship and you realize, Okay, you are two East types, often times it happens because they connect on their values of freedom and creativity and self expression. So, just understand that, and again, I believe you can be with anybody, you just gotta know what it's gonna cost you. So, for an East type, what's going to be missing is that West energy. And the West energy is like, I got this. I decided this is what we're doing, I'm gonna make it happen. And I do it naturally. So my, my husband come up, comes up with an idea. I'm like, okay, we're doing it. And I've done it on a major scale. He was dreaming about a new boat. I made it happen. Brand new custom speedboat. So, and for him, it would be just a dream if it wasn't for me. I brought in that like, okay, this is how we're going to. What's going to happen is one of those people maybe both of them, will develop that muscle. Somebody will bring that, and it might not be so easy because it's not natural for us. But it doesn't mean that they cannot do it.

Leah: 29:17

Yeah, this kind of reminds me of, um, my marriage, my, my husband, it's like he never traveled until I came into his life, right? So I, I brought color and food and tastes and the adventure, uh, to his life and he brought me security and comfort and reliability and, um,

Willow: 29:37

Yeah, you guys are very

Leah: 29:38

settles my nervous system. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For someone who can be, he can, he has a very grounding effect on me. Uh, so it's kind of interesting. I can see the parallels.

Polina | Interview: 29:49

Yeah, but imagine if you, again, you can be with anybody, but let's say two South types.

Leah: 29:54

Mm hmm.

Polina | Interview: 29:54

another example. So much

Willow: 29:56

South is emotional,

Polina | Interview: 29:58

Yeah, so much emotion, right? We're gonna be just, let's say, both of us, when I start, like, plates flying. Subject, like, it's gonna be that tears, and who is going to be there? To play that logical, rational, and say, okay, let's sit down, let's discuss, like somebody will have to step up to that role, right? It doesn't mean that you can't. it's all about empowerment, and for me empowerment is really knowing who you are, owning who you are, and aligning like everything you do. That's why even the whole dating strategy, don't do anything that doesn't work for you specifically. Let's say it's all about like, don't lose yourself. Don't try so hard to be this other energy, this other type, that it costs you losing that connection to what makes you who you authentically are.

Leah: 30:50

Right. Because so much of the time, women will tie themselves up into a pretzel to try to be who they think that person will love. And, you know, they'll try to contort in order to be this thing that isn't always in alignment with their, with their true essence. And I, and I wonder, I had a question, which is, I imagine when you've got two, South people, for instance, because I dated another South person and the thing that drove me crazy was it's like a little too smothering. It was a little too much, you know, there was a little more drama and it was like, I want to just wipe it off. Um, so I bet this is where the secondary feature is important that you can lean into if you're going to stay in a relationship where you are the same direction. Is that true?

Polina | Interview: 31:37

We have the first type or it's called function. again, it's, we're going a little bit deeper, but basically, so our first type is like our mission. Is what we cannot not do. But the tools, how we achieve our goals, our how to is going to be our second strongest. So for example, I'm a West type. My mission is to grow, make impact, uh, in society specifically. So for me, for example, it's not enough that I have an amazing relationship. I want all women who want to find the right person, find that person. So that's my impact. However, How I achieve it, my how to, is I'm with South actually. And South, I communicate, I run my podcast, I speak on other podcasts, I host virtual events, I bring people together, because South is all about feelings, emotions, communication, and connection.

Leah: 32:29

Oh, I like this. Okay. All right. That's a great example of explaining how the secondary, you know, blends in. So, yeah, so

Polina | Interview: 32:38

It's like our toolbox. I like to show it like you carry toolbox. And so how you know that this is your second is in any stressful situation. For example, if I got lost and I was in the middle of nowhere, I would find somebody. I would talk to another person.

Willow: 32:58

that's how you would get

Polina | Interview: 33:00

That's how, yes. But for example, if, um, Right. But if, if it's somebody else, like if it's a north type, uh, who has, um, a secondary east, so somebody logical and creative. They might think logically, okay, these are the facts of the situation and they find a creative solution. They might, uh, they're not necessarily gonna talk to somebody. They might use technology. They actually, like, let me use GPS on my phone. I wouldn't even think about it. I'm gonna talk to a human.

Leah: 33:36

Okay.

Willow: 33:37

yeah,

Polina | Interview: 33:38

It's much easier for me to ask versus somebody like technology idea. What is the idea? Like, what is the, the creative way to solving it on my own?

Leah: 33:49

Willow, do you, are you starting to percolate? Do you have any, a feeling for, you know, your, your primary, your type?

Willow: 33:56

uh, you know, I, I, I would right off the bat say emotional, but I also feel like could be creative. And then I also feel like I also have the West too, which is sensory, right?

Polina | Interview: 34:10

Yeah, so we all, we all have all four. One of them will be dominant. And again,

Willow: 34:14

like I'm not the strongest in the North, I thank God I have

Leah: 34:17

I feel like you're East. I feel like there's an intuitive

Willow: 34:21

Oh, you do?

Leah: 34:22

essence that sort of runs your life. It's, it's like the first go to.

Willow: 34:26

East is the creative.

Polina | Interview: 34:27

yeah, I'm gonna ask you, I'm gonna ask you one

Willow: 34:30

the West, I

Polina | Interview: 34:31

Yeah. I'm going to ask you one question, which I'm also going to share if you want. So this is the easiest way. So of course you want to learn the whole thing. But when I tell my clients, ask this one question, if you're not sure about somebody's type, you can ask it on the date or in that initial texting. Um, if you ask a person and I'm going to ask you right now in one word, what is life about for you?

Willow: 34:58

Connection. So I would say, yeah, then South.

Polina | Interview: 35:02

So again, you can be Uh, South, East, South East, your mission is to love, connect, feel, and that's why you do this work. How your toolbox, you come up with ideas and ways of thinking,

Leah: 35:20

You do, you do.

Polina | Interview: 35:21

and it could be even artistic expression. It could be

Willow: 35:24

But I also have a lot of drive.

Leah: 35:27

Yeah, you might be Southwest.

Willow: 35:29

It could be Southwest, could be Southeast. Could go

Polina | Interview: 35:32

gotta look

Willow: 35:32

here, people.

Polina | Interview: 35:33

you gotta look like, do you make it happen? You use force, you use power, or you use

Willow: 35:39

No, I'm not super masculine in that way. Definitely more feminine. Probably

Polina | Interview: 35:43

How you would again, we, we develop. Yeah, exactly. We develop all of it. We can really, I like to look at it as, uh, all the tools in a toolbox available. Just pick any.

Willow: 35:56

Okay, so here's my next question. Is your secondary also on the, on the opposite, um, axis always, or, or could you have, like, your secondary be your polar? Like, if you

Polina | Interview: 36:08

Think about, great question. No. Think about like the wind. You never have North South Wind, but you have Northeast or Northwest.

Willow: 36:16

Okay.

Polina | Interview: 36:17

Yeah. And they're gonna be different. Somebody, somebody with West will be more powerful.

Willow: 36:22

Leah.

Leah: 36:23

Real quick, I just want to drop this in, uh, in your, uh, field because yes, your, your type is intimacy, love, connection, but your tool seems to be entrepreneurialism. You know, you, you, you take that desire and you package it into things that people can learn. And it, you know, I see you spend more time on your business pursuits. And you have hobbies and things like that, but I really see the most of your time is about working with a tool that delivers love and connection to others.

Willow: 36:57

Yes, and, and I think I also do it very creatively.

Leah: 37:01

Yes.

Willow: 37:03

Yeah,

Leah: 37:04

was fun.

Willow: 37:04

yeah, yeah.

Leah: 37:06

So me,

Willow: 37:06

too. Let's do

Polina | Interview: 37:07

you can go in both ways, right? You can, you can develop that, especially, especially for...

Willow: 37:17

Love double dipping. Triple dipping.

Leah: 37:21

The more the merrier, I'm all for.

Polina | Interview: 37:25

I think the level that, your level of how evolved you are, and how aware you are, and how much personal growth work you've done, you really go beyond.

Willow: 37:38

all of

Leah: 37:39

Right, you've got more range, right, and you can probably adapt and integrate a lot of the gifts you see in these other types because you respect them and you value them and they're interesting to you.

Willow: 37:50

I'm having a hard time deciphering what my partner might be though.

Leah: 37:54

Oh, definitely South, all day long.

Willow: 37:56

Really? You

Leah: 37:57

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, in aces, baby.

Polina | Interview: 38:02

Who, who, who does, who does the Excel spreadsheets in your relationship?

Willow: 38:06

Who does the spreadsheets? Lea.

Polina | Interview: 38:09

No!

Leah: 38:09

no. No, she said self expression. Didn't you?

Willow: 38:11

Oh!

Leah: 38:12

Yeah, yeah, what, what was the question again? Was it, who does the self expression in the

Polina | Interview: 38:17

No, who does Excel spreadsheets? So you, you, you're not sure about your husband?

Leah: 38:21

Yeah, well, her, her boyfriend. Um, I'm the one that does the Excel spreadsheets. Matt, Matt doesn't know how to do an Excel spreadsheet

Willow: 38:28

Lea's the spreadsheet queen. Um,

Leah: 38:31

I do think I'm South.

Willow: 38:33

you do, yeah. Probably,

Leah: 38:35

the spreadsheets and the drawers where I'm obsessively compartmentalizing and color coding things, It's, it's, it's small, like I don't vacuum very well. But I organize a drawer. Um, so I don't know what that means, but it feels like I'm more South in how I present in life. Um, not so much because I feel like I'm really emotional. I'm intense, which probably is emotional. Um, but it's all about feeling and the senses and the textures and the yummy things and the yummy sounds and the yummy colors and, you know, all

Polina | Interview: 39:05

It's all South. All South. Kinesthetic. So, how do you know? Here's a quick test, and latest for anybody who's listening. If I go shopping with my South friend, and I'm West, I'm very visual and prestige status. I have very hierarchical thinking. I will look at the brand and the price first. My South friend doesn't look at the

Willow: 39:26

Mm

Polina | Interview: 39:26

label.

Willow: 39:27

She looks at, does it look good on me? Is it a good color for me? Yeah.

Leah: 39:31

Is it the right color? Is it flattering?

Polina | Interview: 39:34

it. If it's not 100 percent silk, she's not interested. She doesn't care what brand it is.

Willow: 39:39

Uh huh.

Leah: 39:39

Yeah, yeah,

Polina | Interview: 39:40

That's how you know.

Leah: 39:41

It's about texture and yes,

Willow: 39:43

I like it.

Leah: 39:45

I get that.

Willow: 39:48

It's so fun.

Leah: 39:49

It is fun.

Willow: 39:50

Okay, now, I need you to spell it out for me, Polina. The name of the system. Put it into letters for me.

Polina | Interview: 39:56

So it's Enio, E N I O, Enio. And then the word style.

Willow: 40:02

Enio

Leah: 40:03

Cool.

Polina | Interview: 40:04

style.

Willow: 40:05

E N I O style. Love it. And so, if somebody wants to study this with you, like, let's say, Leah and I, we're just like, well, we want to learn another system. We don't need to help dating, but can

Leah: 40:16

I am been attracting the same guy with the same problems for 25 years. Hook me up, sister.

Willow: 40:23

Yeah, so how do, how, do you have like a mini course or

Polina | Interview: 40:27

So, what I do, yeah, so for everyone, what I do, I have a podcast called Find the Right Man. And I teach the basics, so anybody who's

Willow: 40:38

the podcast?

Polina | Interview: 40:38

to

Leah: 40:39

Cool.

Polina | Interview: 40:40

I actually have a whole series on how to recognize each type

Willow: 40:45

Uh huh.

Polina | Interview: 40:46

Give examples of celebrities and my clients and talk about some of the examples. Definitely check out my podcast, Find the Right Man, and if you want to connect with me. Then I'm on Instagram@Polina.Solda. So DM me or follow me, I think those are the best ways to connect.

Leah: 41:04

And then what does someone who's on the deep track, like they are, they want to find the love of their life, they're, they're sick of messing around and they're gonna deep dive with you. What's that journey like?

Polina | Interview: 41:15

So when you say deep dive, what do you mean?

Leah: 41:18

Well, I'm assuming you do offer coaching, you work

Polina | Interview: 41:20

Yes, so, yes,

Leah: 41:22

They want to know the whole system and

Polina | Interview: 41:24

Yeah, so they can reach out to me, uh, DM me on Instagram and we can connect. So I, uh, I talk with each person so you can submit it, uh, an application and I talk with each person individually to assess, uh, because how I work with my clients, I guarantee the results to each client. So being very selective about that and that is the, the way to get into my one program. That's all I do. I put all of my hundred percent focus and attention, uh, on my clients who I serve inside of Love by Design. And, uh, that is what I do.

Leah: 41:55

And like, is there like a, have you noticed a pattern of time, how much time it takes somebody? And, and I'm curious if that time is, is different depending on the type you are.

Polina | Interview: 42:05

So it's, it's a great question. And, uh, so it depends. We also work on, uh, again, I'm all like my value in my company is empowerment. So I teach a self coaching tool. So for every client, which speeds up things so much. Because it's no longer relying on somebody else like, okay, I work with a coach and this is what we do. It's like everything becomes so faster because in addition to that, you get to coach yourself. So all of my clients, depending on how quickly, so it's all about, uh, creating, learning how to think intentionally. Because how we think determines how we feel. How we feel drives our actions, and that creates our results. So, when we change how we think, and we use this system which simplifies dating, when you look at it, like, all men, okay, there's four men. One of them is my most compatible partner. I can eliminate this other three. So, you don't need as many. You don't need as much time, so it happens much faster. But I'm just going to give you one example, because I know you asked for, uh, an example of the story of a client, and how quickly it can happen. And it has nothing to do with what happened in the past. Because I have women who haven't even dated for, let's say, eight years, and then I, so I have a, a client, Rose, from UK, from London. Hasn't dated for eight years, within three months she was dating. She met the guy, she got into a relationship that quickly and, uh, I also have a client who for 10 years, West type, just like me. She dated in New York City and she dated the same, she tried to date the same West type of man. She just thought, I'm so strong, I'm so successful, I'm so smart, I just need to find somebody even more, even more successful. And so what happens is, West type of man, subconsciously... I'm going to be looking for that romantic, easy going, flexible, not the one who's going to be like, okay, I'm just like you, like, let's compete, let's see who's number one, right? And it never worked out for 10 years. She joined the program within two months. She got into a relationship with a nice type of man, her most compatible partner, and she was like, Oh my God, I can be totally myself. I always like, like downplayed. I tried to be feminine and like...

Leah: 44:26

oh I got some people to refer to you.

Willow: 44:28

Okay.

Polina | Interview: 44:29

Awesome. So, yeah, it depends. It really, it can happen very quickly.

Willow: 44:36

Love it. Such a great system. So cool to learn about it. And I am definitely going to be tuning into your podcast because I love this kind of stuff. It's so much fun.

Polina | Interview: 44:44

Thank

Leah: 44:44

Yes and um, how, with a consultation call I see that you, you do a free consultation. How long is that usually?

Polina | Interview: 44:52

Okay, so, the consultation, what I talked about, so it's an application, you apply, and then we book a call. And on that call, I walk each person through a very powerful process. So, the consultation is an hour long, and then we decide together if that's the right fit. Then... You can join my program. If it's not, uh, it's going to be super valuable just to, to step into that realm of I didn't even know what I didn't know because I'm going to show every person exactly the reasons why they haven't been able to find a person.

Willow: 45:27

So you're still going to get some really

Leah: 45:29

get some value out of it, even if you don't go into the system. Okay. Well, thank you so much. I'm so excited to, um, set some people along the journey towards you and find out what ends up happening. I, I'm sure they'll meet a lot of success.

Willow: 45:44

Yeah, absolutely. Thanks for being with us today, Polina. Such pleasure.

Polina | Interview: 45:48

was such a delicious conversation. I loved it.

Leah: 45:51

we will have all of Polina's information, so you can reach her, uh, in the show notes. So go check it out.

Willow: 45:56

Absolutely.

Announcer: 45:58

Now, our favorite part, the dish.

Leah: 46:02

Well, Polina, dish a dish a dish a do, we're

Willow: 46:06

What a fun interview. Yeah, that was really great. I mean, anytime we're talking systems, and this one sounds really simple. I like the simplicity of it. I like the, um, I like the directions. You know, I'm always a big fan of directions. And, and she didn't talk about elements at all, but I could hear the elements behind the, the types. I was listening for that. Yeah.

Leah: 46:29

It was a little hard for me to, at first, kind of go, Okay, well, where am I and where would Matt be and are we, are we compatible? Are we not compatible? Um, and so I don't really think of him as super linear. North, and he's certainly not a, um, minimalist.

Willow: 46:47

He seems more creative to me.

Leah: 46:50

Yes, he has, I bet that's his secondary.

Willow: 46:53

Okay,

Leah: 46:53

But when I think more about North, he is very routine oriented.

Willow: 47:00

okay,

Leah: 47:00

To very, structure is, yes, it's like he has a rhythm and he does not, um, steer off the path.

Willow: 47:10

Okay, okay.

Leah: 47:12

Um, and he's like, he's always early for

Willow: 47:16

Uh huh. That sounds very north,

Leah: 47:18

it sounds very North. Yeah. Yeah. That's a strong value of his is structure and time management and all the things that I'm not so great at.

Willow: 47:27

Well, that is very north, yeah. Think he could be.

Leah: 47:31

Mm-hmm. he's definitely not west. I'm, I am. Like, I don't, I might be, I don't know. I'm

Willow: 47:38

We're gonna, we're gonna have to watch her masterclass and get a little bit more

Leah: 47:41

Yeah. Before she came on, she thought I was for sure. I think, um, creative structure.

Willow: 47:49

Creative, yeah.

Leah: 47:51

Mm hmm, and that's why I brought up the spreadsheets. Like, well, if you saw my spreadsheets, you would see it all come

Willow: 47:59

I would think you're the North because of your spreadsheets. Well, and again, I think it's, you know, it's as you evolve, as you grow, as you step into your wholeness more and more that you can take on. You know, that you can, that you have access to all of these pattern, personality pattern types.

Leah: 48:19

Yeah, I feel like we were just teased a little bit. Like, I actually want to go, I want to go deeper in. I like the complexity of things, so yes, I kind of like that it's simple, but I, I think there's probably a lot more to it. I want to know all the layers.

Willow: 48:31

Definitely, and also with the system that we use, we want to probably cross check our, you know, her system with our system, what we know really well, so it's really fun to do. Plus, then you bring in the Chinese medicine system, because in Chinese medicine, everyone is an element. Like you're either a water type, or you're a metal type, or you're a wood type, so there's, you know, there's a lot of systems to cross check. And then, I mean, God, you bring in the Enneagram, you bring in the...

Leah: 48:57

I know, I know. I'm going, okay, the South is the merger, and the West is the aggressive, and the North is the rigid, and the East is the, uh, leaving. Where would we put our, our precious endurer? I bet the North. I bet, I bet that would be a blend.

Willow: 49:17

Yeah, that's interesting. Maybe in the middle.

Leah: 49:19

Maybe, maybe that's the

Willow: 49:20

Maybe in the middle. In, uh, in the five element system in Chinese medicine, well, there's, there's sort of two ways of looking at it. It's like either a wheel of five of these elements or earth in the middle with a cross around it.

Leah: 49:35

Oh,

Willow: 49:36

Yeah. So, enduring definitely holds a lot of that earthy energy for sure. So.

Leah: 49:43

Go check her out. Go check out Polina and, uh,

Willow: 49:46

her podcast is Find the Right Man. Sounds really interesting. Sounds like she talks about this a lot in her podcast, so you can really kind of start to get the gist of it more and understand it more and figure out what you are and what men or women in the past you have dated, um, or partners, I should say, partners in the past. And Why it might not have worked because they might not have the, um, the best right polar attraction for...

Leah: 50:17

well, you know, and I'm thinking of a friend right now, and I think, I'm guessing, right? My, my educated guess, I've known her for 20 years, and I could be totally wrong, because I don't know the system all that well, so there's a caveat. But I think she's probably an East, and I know she likes a West, but I there aren't a lot of West guys out where she lives in marijuana farmland.

Willow: 50:37

Okay.

Leah: 50:38

It's like, and she's just, it's been, or when she lived in Santa Cruz. It's like not a lot of West energy.

Willow: 50:46

Also a bunch of pot farmers in this town. Yeah, exactly. So that's a really interesting thing to think about as you start to learn these systems. Like, are you in a

Leah: 50:56

You're in the right place?

Willow: 50:57

Yeah. I mean, maybe you need to move to Chicago or New York to find your western, west man.

Leah: 51:03

Except for when you love the forest and the,

Willow: 51:05

I know.

Leah: 51:06

and the water, man. You know, she just, her happy place is not there.

Willow: 51:11

Totally. Yeah. There's so many factors. She might just have to import, you know, that, that works a lot of times.

Leah: 51:17

and it could be. I mean, not to say that there aren't other entrepreneurs. There's marijuana farmers who certainly are. Her son is probably the biggest one in the industry there who's got that, that most drive, that West essence. Um, but you know, you could, it would, I can see how it actually would broaden your direction and where you look, because sometimes you don't know that you're stuck looking in the wrong place and you just haven't looked outside your circle of influence.

Willow: 51:48

that pool and go check out.

Leah: 51:50

Right, because there's restaurant owners, there's therapists, I'm sure, that live somewhere that

Willow: 51:56

Around up there. Yeah.

Leah: 51:58

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Willow: 52:01

That's great though. Great fun. Great system. And Polina, great energy. Just brings a lot of

Leah: 52:07

Ugh, so, I should talk so fast.

Willow: 52:09

Yes. With her whole body and

Leah: 52:12

Yeah, so with her whole body, really fun.

Willow: 52:14

Very, very fun.

Leah: 52:15

Catch you later. Love, love, love.

Willow: 52:17

love.

Announcer: 52:17

Thanks for tuning in. This episode was hosted by Tantric Sex Master Coach and Positive Psychology Facilitator, Leah Piper, as well as by Chinese and Functional Medicine Doctor and Taoist Sexology Teacher, Dr. Willow Brown. Don't forget, your comments, likes, subscribes, and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together.