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Awaken Arousal Oil Lubricant "I had a 3-minute orgasm and then a 5-minute orgasm." - Beth https://exploreforia.com/awaken-so?irclickid=wyXW6byI5xyNWouwIoQAUS1GUkAx4m1JsS6bSc0&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_source=Impact&utm_campaign=Sex%20Reimagined&utm_c
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Freddy Zentel Weaver is up next, what a superstar. He has assisted thousands of men, women, and couples to create lasting intimacy and fulfillment in their lives and relationships. He's been on Showtime's Documentary Series, Sexual Healing, and he's been on NBC's. Emmy award-winning show Starting Over. So he's also a best-selling author of the book Sexual Enlightenment, which was endorsed by Dr. Michael Beckwith. So he's the co-founder of Tantra Nova Institute in Chicago, and he is a badass and we love him. You are going to love him too if you don't know him yet. So enjoy.
Leah:Yes, and totally. You're going to learn all about Sexual Meditation, which you're going to love. So with that being said, would you tune in, would you turn on and will you, I dare you fall in love with Freddy.
Announcer:Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame free and pleasure forward.
Leah:And we're your host, Leah Piper and myself, Dr. Willow Brown.
Announcer:Let's get into the show.
Dr. Willow:We're you're back with us again. We love hanging out with you and talking about sacred sexuality.
Leah:Yeah
Freddy:Elsbeth says hello.
Leah:So we were talking just earlier about what men go through when it comes to sexual shame. What are your thoughts? What have you encountered?
Freddy:Yeah. Well, thank you for having me on your platform. It's so good to see you both again. So we, Elsbeth and I have had our institute for 22 years here in Chicago and work with all kinds of couples and individuals and I have a men's group that I teach and work with and guys of all ages are struggling with the same thing. For us guys, in relationship with ourselves firstly, and then in our relationships with our significant others It's really for the guys to really start to tap into that polarity of the yin yang balance in terms of masculine feminine. Because as we come up, guys are kind of given two emotions to be okay to show fucking and fighting, know, but you know, tenderness caring nurturing showing your soft side is not like, okay. So, and then there's this sexual piece where we start to feel in our lingams, the penis, and for guys with the little head, mom, look, no hands, with the little erection. And we're as adults run by our little head our whole life. So for the man, it's starting to become conscious of how this sexual piece plays a role in how we look into the world in terms of our vulnerability, in terms of our intimacy with ourselves. Elsbeth's giving me notes here. So that's where we start. For the man, it's Really starting to integrate this yin yang balance and really begin to be conscious of the polarity that we are constantly playing in. Because when we start out zygotes in the womb, we're androgynous and then, it's decided for whatever reason, man or woman, and men have more testosterone, women have more estrogen. As we get older, the whole thing reverses itself. Women grow hair in their faces and men grow breasts. So, but what we're talking about is how to integrate that masculine, feminine, yin yang, testosterone, estrogen balance as it exists emotionally, physically, spiritually intercommunicationally and that's where the opportunity exists for men to start to wake up and become more present.
Leah:ding, ding, ding.
Dr. Willow:Yeah. I
Leah:Yes. The. Presence.
Dr. Willow:Presence is key, especially when you're when you've sort of grown up in a culture, in a paradigm, in a way of like, this is how you be a man. This is what it looks like to show up and be a man. Which doesn't leave any room for that more feminine side of a man to come forward and to be okay in the experience of relationship, or intimacy, sexuality. So I think that Presence that you're speaking to is so crucial for them to be able to feel themselves, to be able to feel their own emotions. And I also think that there's, in that masculine paradigm that we're breaking and moving away from and starting to invite more of this vulnerability, this softer, this more in tune with your own emotions side. There's a role that women need to play in that as well, where they need to kind of own their own emotions, like take responsibility for themselves so that men aren't constantly trying to take care of their female partners emotionally.
Freddy:Absolutely, I mean the work for all of us is to learn to, and it's a full court press ongoing, being vigilant with ourselves, owning our own upsets.
Dr. Willow:Yes.
Freddy:And if each man, woman are committed to that, then we have an opportunity to really move and elevate beyond the lies and the unconsciousness and the hidden selves and really to be able to speak and be heard and to listen and start to bring some consciousness. So for the guys I want to add is really learning how to separate Ejaculation from orgasm. In the practice of yes, and a lot of guys hear of sexual sex consciousness practices. Oh, I want to last longer, you know. Or some guys, well, I don't need to learn that cause I'm not a quick cummer, I can last as long as I want. I'm not talking about lasting longer. I'm talking about consciously circulating what I call this orgasmic nectar. And that requires some consciousness and practice with breath muscle awareness, energetic awareness. And we also teach a a sexual meditation where one is also engaged in a practice of creating intention around the ejaculatory process. And whether it's a high level or a low level of sexual arousal, one is still working with moving consciously with the breath and energetic awareness, what I call nectar, and once we start bringing that kind of consciousness to our subtle energy body, we really start to develop this witness of this storymaking and this unconscious automaticity that we live in and learn social behavior and model social behavior.
Leah:So can you walk us like from A to Z process of sexual meditation? Like what it looks like? Like what happens when he wants to sit down and do the sexual meditation? Kind of start at the beginning.
Freddy:Well, you see behind me I have a collage. I don't know if you can see it, but you probably can't. But I have my collage here and it's filled with things that give me, an emotional and physical, sensation, experience, and awareness. And so I was first introduced to sexual meditation when I was 13 years old. Living in Hawaii, my father was a psychiatrist. And I was spending a lot of time in the shower. And he gave me a book to read on how to integrate meditation and sex practices. And that was my first introduction to sexual meditation. And I really used it. Well first, I was young and full of so much sexual energy and my girlfriend loved it and we had a lot of fun. But I also was working with the practice of that intimacy and that altered state of consciousness that happens in the sexual to get past a story, a belief that I had that I couldn't play basketball on a scholarship in college because I was living in Hawaii and I didn't think I had the skills or the training, da da da. It was a story. But I did go on to college and play on athletic scholarship. And what was a big piece for me, it was that practice of, that working in that altered state of consciousness with the sexual meditation to get past the story or a belief to move into a new possibility.
Dr. Willow:Mm, I love that. It's one of the most powerful ways to rewire the circuitry in your brain and your heart and your gut. These these neuro pathways, these ideas or concepts, beliefs that we have about ourselves. So it's in that altered state that you're talking about is just, it's such a powerful place to create new stories and beliefs about ourselves.
Freddy:Yeah. There's so many approaches to transformation. I mean, you, those therapy, there's nature walks, there's meditation, know, retreats. But few things I know of teach how to work consciously with the altered state of sexual energetic to shift something that we don't see running in the background. Because coming from that, we are the, creators of our reality or we are the ones at least interpreting reality. Then there's nobody out there but ourselves. So it's really learning to get beyond what we believe as a possibility to a new possibility. I mean, because we all are this clay, so we're this clay that remembers experiences from the past and we, neuro synaptically and emotionally remember those things, like if I was jilted or bit by a dog, I remember that now even though I want to get a dog or I want to be in relationship, but somehow it doesn't happen and it looks like it's because of the weather, because there's not the right girl or whatever. I haven't met the right, you know, whatever. So that's how we're looking into the world and that's the clay that we are remembering and that's kind of helped us survive. And it's very, it's a very Newtonian thinking that we live in, that the only thing real is what we've experienced. As it is now and as it's going to be forever. Yet more quantum thinking, which is the new science, which is saying, things are moving through at multiple times. It's a yes and it's up and it's down. It's multiple ways things can go. So the good news for us is that even though we are this clay from the past remembering and neuro synaptically in, in, in encapsulating, we have this vision, this idea, this imagination. The thing that we see possible that's never happened before. And so the work in sexual meditation or any kind of meditation as I experience it, is to get past the belief, to believe something new with all my physical possibility. You know, I was a athlete and I when we started this work 22 years ago I wanted to do this show, this one man show. I couldn't sing, but I wanted to sing. I was like, I can sing, know, so Elsbeth, you know, has a master's in music. She's like, no, you cannot sing. My father told me I couldn't sing it. There was a belief that I believed for a long time, and I just never really tried. And sure enough I sounded pretty bad, you know, but I believed I could do it. And so with ease, grace, and flow, I took all the lessons and did all the work and went out and failed on my face and did all, and smiled all the way through it. And then I'm singing.
Dr. Willow:Now you're doing it, huh? You're in a band. You're on stage.
Freddy:Not that, yeah, it's not that we don't do the physical things in this physics to get there. It's just, it's easy and it's flowing and it's effortless. you know?
Dr. Willow:I love that analogy, cause I had the same thing about singing. I was like, I really wish if I could change one thing about myself, I would have an amazing voice. And then I just started singing, kept singing, took voice classes, and I have pretty damn good voice.
Freddy:Exactly, right? And that's how it is with all of it. Everything. Anywhere. So it's really, so the practices and it's a full court press because it's not like, well, okay, I can, I'm going to sing, I can sing. And then you hear yourself and go, oh God. And you know, and so you know that there is a belief and a vision. So you keep moving towards it and re you know, invigorating your belief and your energy about it. And that's with anything in life, and we've all done that in parts, in areas of our life school or in relationships or whatever. But what we do, people often, and what I've seen is the cue it never stops. The line of people who are in a sort of a state of resignation about possibility. So they're in the relationship because of the kids, when the kids are done or when the next thing, when he gets through with this job or she gets that degree or da da da da da and on, and we sort of rationalize the suffering. And I don't know how long this thing's going to go. You know, I know that there is an ultimate end and I think that the best preparation for death is learning how to let go of suffering
Leah:Yeah.
Dr. Willow:I love that.
Freddy:In our lives.
Leah:Yeah. you know, I want to go back to just a minute. You said that you were 13 and your dad introduced you to sexual meditation. Had you ever meditated before then? When did you learn to meditate and who taught you?
Freddy:Yeah, well, my father had been sending me. To the Zen Buddhist in San Francisco. And we would go and we would just sit and stare at this black dot, and I just didn't get it. I would just sit there and I'd be, my mind would be wandering and I would just be sitting, okay, we've got 35 more minutes, and I'd have to sit, I would sit there and wander and think, and so I started a long time before, before I realized,
Leah:Oh my God.
Freddy:stop. I just have to be comfortable and be still and just watch the story without the total felt sense of the story. So I started pretty young. That was about 10 years old. I
Leah:was going to say, how old? Yeah, 10. Wow. Your dad is, I mean, I love these stories about your dad.
Freddy:He was a sweetheart. He was a sweetheart. I learned so much him.
Leah:Yeah, it sounds like it. So then, so you took kind of, I'm imagine that as you were kinda stepping into this sexual meditation for the first time, you had this ability to concentrate and start to watch your mind. Were you aware of the witness and being able to separate sort of that part of the ego that is running the story? And then my, I got a second part to that question, which is the sexual meditation a self pleasuring practice? Is that what someone is doing to engage their body to feel the energy?
Freddy:Good question. So, the first question answer was, I was, Subtly aware of the witness state of mind at, well, at 10 I really wasn't, but when I was 13, when I got into the sexual meditation, which was my first introduction to that, I was much more aware of the witness because I was working with Ejaculatory reflex of all of that. So that's when awareness of the witness, but it wasn't like I was done. It wasn't like, oh, I'll never get angry again, or I'll never get lost down some road of belief about making wrong or some being done to. It's an ongoing, you know, practice. And the more I can linger in the state of stillness and nothingness, the more I can create space to bring in that thing that I most deeply desire.
Leah:Okay.
Freddy:Outside of the story, outside of the belief, and da da, da da. Yeah. So what was the second
Leah:So The second piece was in the sexual meditation. Is it a self pleasuring practice?
Freddy:Right. Okay. So yeah, a lot of guys so I'll tell little story, so we had this youth program a few years ago, we ran in about two years. Elsbeth you know, has her PhD in education. I taught school with LA Unified for a couple years, so we kind of were somewhat familiar with the school system. So we decided, well, let's apply to teach in the schools and get a program going to school. So we did. We went through all the paperwork and did all that, but no schools ever really took us up on it, so we just did our own thing. And so one year we had about 16 kids and, you know, equal number of boys and girls from ages 15 to 18. And, and so, It was a two week program and two day, three days into it, we separate the guys in the gals and I've got all the guys in one room and Elsbeth's with the gals in another room. And so the guys, I say, okay. So fellows, we're going to put together what you've been learning with the breathing and the meditation and so on, and you're going to learn. So I said, for show of hands, how many of you guys masturbate? And nobody raises their hand. I said, look, I'm over 50 and I masturbate. They all laugh and they raise their hand. And I said, okay. So tonight, you know, and I have the lingham, this lingham here. And I said, so tonight you're going to, Not masturbate to Ejaculation. You're going to bring the energy up to a 10 or say no, no 10 being the ejaculate to a moment. You're going to bring it up to a seven, seven and a half. You're going to stop, you're going to do the pc, squeeze the muscle squeezes, you practice the Kegel. And then you're going to hold that Kegel. And then with your attention on the location and sensation with your intention, you're going to move it with the breath up to the heart. And so they, that was their assignment and not to ejaculate. They come back the next day, man, I didn't know I could do that. Wow. It was unbelievable. I really felt the engery.
Dr. Willow:I love that!
Freddy:And so, yeah. And I believe those are going to be better men later in life.
Dr. Willow:Yeah.
Leah:Amen. That's so true. Wow, that is such a good story!
Freddy:But so to answer the question about is it really just self pleasuring? So it's the pleasure that starts to well up in us that we get overtaken. So for guys it's like, you know, and for women as well, often it's just three second orgasm. It's the little death French call it, and then it's done and we kind of disengage. It's like, have a cigarette, whatever. We aren't really interested anymore in you know, connecting. So it's playing in that ether of that wonderful feeling as a witness and breathing it in and moving with it and playing with it, and dreaming your dream, dreaming your new world. That's what I do with it. So I have my collage there with me, I've stated an intention, what I'm dedicating this practice to, and so in that high level, I just let myself dream. It's already happening, you know, and play in that. And I don't overthink it or take notes or make details. I just let myself be in that ether. And there is something that is evolved from me over the years, and when I do that, it, it's, you know, it sounds like woo woo, you know, but things start showing up.
Dr. Willow:Absolutely.
Freddy:Know, there's something to, you know, and so many of my meditations, you know, I feel like I get connected to the wood on the floor, to the trees, to everything. There's a connection, there's a feeling of connectedness. And science is proving that out. This string theory that it's all connected and we're vibration. And then when I think about this, you know, the development of human bodies and organs and out of nothing from the space. It's like my dreams are totally possible. I mean, if that's my lineage, my little thing that I want is nothing, ya know?
Dr. Willow:That's right. It's all so possible. And what, as you're saying we're all connected, I think that's one of the things that we can utilize as well in making our dreams a reality is if we see somebody else who has something that we want, the knee-jerk reaction is to go into envy, jealousy. But it's really, it's a golden arrow pointing to what you want, what you truly want, what you truly desire. And since there's no separation between you and everyone else, specifically that person who has what you want, you too can have that. So you know, as you're talking about using your sexual energy, which is creative life force energy, it creates new life using it inside of meditation you are taking your own frequency and vibration and the neural pathways inside of your body to a level of new possibility to really co-create with the universe that which is in your heart, which is desired. And I think that this thing around desire that I've really been playing with is it's like, oh, I want that thing so bad. I want that life so bad. I want that person so bad, whatever it is, and it's the attachment to the desire that gets us in trouble, but not the desire itself. Because the desire itself has so much chi behind it. It's so much movement and energy and yang and vitality and like we can really utilize that to propel us forward. Because meanwhile, the universe has something, has a bigger bird's eye view of what's right for you. And you might be fixated on one thing, but there's something that's even better there for you.
Freddy:Yeah, absolutely, one must remain. I call it improvisationally vesuvius, open to, you know, however something shows up. You just put the intention out there and then just be open to the vibration and the feeling of that thing that you're wanting to feel and create and be in to show up. It's like, don't worry about the details. You know, just keep moving in your path with your vision and belief and doing the work. Every moment when you know the doubt comes in or the, you know, whatever it is, it throws you off your savasana, you know.
Dr. Willow:What an incredible gift to give to those young young people, the young men and the young women.
Freddy:Well, you know, even the old people who come in, I mean, I mean, you know,
Dr. Willow:Yeah, everybody.
Freddy:Everybody, anybody in this life. I mean, we just get, the cue just goes on and on where, you know, we are living in the past, you know, people it's the Hatfields and McCoys and it's just like people are walking around like just trigger bombs, know? And You know, it's not that something doesn't trigger you or that there isn't a request to be made or changes even. It's the charge and it's the being able to speak it and to be listened to and to be heard and being willing to share. And that's where these practices are so vital in terms of our continued expansion in terms of human devlopment.
Dr. Willow:Absolutely.
Leah:You know. Freddie, I'm curious, like what was a moment, maybe even as a young man that changed your life forever? Do you have like a story that was so impactful it was an inflection point for you?
Dr. Willow:He probably has a lot.
Freddy:So many so many stories. So many stories. How much time have?
Dr. Willow:Yes. Hours and hours.
Freddy:But you know, certainly my relationship to women. You know, I was in probably, I'm 67 years old now,
Leah:What?
Dr. Willow:Hot. Damn. You don't look a day over 40.
Leah:Looking good, Freddy.
Freddy:I feel lean. I'm the same weight I was when I played college ball. I've been great shape. I feel so alive and in my life and, you know, it's just really a number and it, what it is though is like a certain life experience. There's a lot of life experience. So I was, I'd probably been in probably 12 or 13 live-in relationships that were, you know, more than three years, or two to three years. And Elsbeth's the longest relationship I've ever been in. It's been 22 years.
Dr. Willow:You guys have been together for 22 years.
Freddy:22 years. And we started out monogamous, just like, oh baby, I love the smell of your toe jams. Just let me get my nose in that underarm, you know? And then after about three years, honey, you need to take a bath. You know, so, You know, we, that luster dies out. So how do we, you know, What happened though, six months to the day we met, we transcended the romantic drama. And this is one of the big transitions for me was creating Tantra Nova. Because previous to this, I had dabbled in music, as sort of a fun thing. But you know, coming from sort of an upper middle class family, father's a doctor. Mom was a principal in school, it was always like, from my fa mother anyway, don't lose your health benefits whatever you do, keep your 401k. You know, So there was a part in my back of my head that said, oh, I guess I better not risk being a musician or do anything in my own business work for corporate America, entrepreneurial. Yet that was really who I was, and so I did, I suffered in corporate America for 20 years, you know, it was a good living, but it was, you know, in terms of my aliveness, so in San Francisco. So I moved here, company hired me, moved me here 22 years ago I was single, met Elsbeth, and that was the big turning point in creating this work that really fulfilled me and really allowed me to become completely fulfilled and actualize authentically. With all the gifts and all of my life experience and all the things I love to do. I get, I love riding Harley Davidsons. I ride a lot. I love teaching and seeing you know, transformation happen, we do that all the time. That's the work that we do. I love singing and performing, and I get to do that without having to be like, Feeling like a starving artist, you know, because I was afraid that I would lose the fun of it if it became just a job to the next gig, to the next thing, and trying to, you know, so now it's fun. Yeah. It's all so fun now and easy, so. Hmm.
Leah:Yeah. Cool. Who is, Who would you say is has been your most important professional mentor at this stage in your life?
Freddy:Well, my father definitely. He, you know, as you know, he passed away a year ago. I, well, you maybe don't know, but anyway, he, I learned so much from. So many things. I remember watching him lead workshops and I would be assisting in the workshops, and I learned so much just from the way he would work with people and the things he would say, and then the insights that we would talk about. You know, I remember he told me what he said, son, if you ever tell, don't say something to somebody more than two times. Because we have a belief and I see it all the time, you know, I mean, I do say it oftentimes more than two times to people, but I know that there's a process for people. You know, they say they want to create, they want something... And... but, but, but... there's always that hairy butt, you know, and that maybe... if... and. You know, and so it's really a process of saying, okay, let's take this thing and put it over there. And then even when you take'em to a process to put it over on the windowsill, they don't want to let it go because we love our suffering.
Dr. Willow:We're very identified to it.
Freddy:More scary. Yeah. I mean, it's more safe than the dream.
Dr. Willow:It's a,
Freddy:of happiness.
Dr. Willow:because cause we know how to we know how to exist in it. We know how to keep ourselves safe within it, you know? And
Freddy:Exactly. It hasn't killed me, so you know, I better stay here because the other thing I don't know.
Dr. Willow:The thing is though, is it's like slowly eroding away at your soul.
Freddy:And then the moment is go, I mean, that's the thing is this life is to be danced. I don't know what's before or after, but what if it's not this, and this is the only time forever, before or after that we get to dance like this.
Dr. Willow:Yeah. Well, what would you say to people who are, you know, who are like, okay, I know I'm not living my dharma, I'm not following my soul's calling, and I know what I want to be doing, but I am stuck in this place where, I do have the benefits and I have a kid and I am a single parent, and I don't, I don't know how to transition from this safety net to walking my true souls calling.
Freddy:Hmm. Well, I think the really bottom line is whatever you do is to choose it. So once you start to choose, if this person says, well, I'm you know, I'd like to ride my motorcycle and just be free in the woods or whatever, but I've got these kids and I got this mortgage and I got this wife and. I don't know what to do. Well choose that and be grateful. And guess what? When they truly do that, they are happy. They don't need to change shit. I mean, that's my point is it doesn't really matter. Just be happy. You know? So how if, because because if it's always something else, oh, that new Harley Davidson or that new Rolls Royce or this new woman, or it never stops.
Dr. Willow:Right.
Freddy:you know, there was a song. Everybody has a Hungry Heart.
Dr. Willow:Was a great song.
Freddy:You know? And everyone does, and it's not like it's a shameful thing. But I mean, the point is to choose your life, you know? So once someone stops suffering about the weather, then it's just water in the sky. It's just sun in the sky. It's just, you know.
Dr. Willow:What would you say? What would you say to people who are maybe stuck in shame? Like shame is a place where they are, they can't imagine their way out of it. Like they're so deep in the, I am not good enough, I am wrong. Not just guilt where it's like I did something bad or I did something wrong,
Leah:I'm in so insecure.
Dr. Willow:I myself don't have what it takes. Like I didn't get the support I need the whole story. Right. That they might have around that. Because there's some pretty serious stories that people are trying to birth themselves from, and pretty serious histories of sexual abuse and not having the familial support didn't have amazing fathers like you did, you know? And so how do we what would you say? How can. What's what's a first step for somebody who might be stuck in that shame cycle?
Freddy:Yeah, it's the same process for all of us, you know? And though many might not have had the opportunities that I had with a dad like I had, but there was somebody in their life. And so when I take someone through a process of, you know, first of all, You know, what is it you're letting go of or what is it you want to move out of? And then what they want to move into, which seems so unfamiliar, yet when they start looking and remember, they remember, oh, there was a moment, you know, and I was a child and we were on the riverbank. I don't remember who it was. It was maybe someone, a neighbor, but it felt so wonderful and at peace, and that was the only time I remember in my life. Okay. If you don't think about shit else, then just let's focus on that moment. I don't say it like that, you know... but I say breathe into that. Allow yourself to feel into that. And I take'em through a process in that with music and maybe movement, and maybe they'll create a collage around it. And so, but the thing is to keep tuning in on a regular basis in their meditations, in their self-love practices to that feeling. And I have'em write it down where they feel it, you know, use the Chakras where they feel it, what shape is it, what color is it, what you know, and so on. And then they can come back to that and that becomes more and more neuro-synaptically familiar and that becomes more and more available to them. And that's how you shift something that, and that's not to diminish some of the horrible things that people have gone through. It's how are we living now?
Dr. Willow:Right. And that's a choice, right? That's a choice that we get to have.
Freddy:Well, it becomes, it. It doesn't, apparently it doesn't appear as a choice because the Newtonian thinking is, Hey, that shit really happened. What are you talking about, let it go? What do you mean? That I was really raped and I was really beaten up by those people. That really happened. Got it. Okay. When did that? About 30 years ago. Okay, got it. And this is how we are living, like, just like it just happened, because we relive it, we relive it. That's the quantum thing, you know, it's like, you know, it is multiple, like, you know, the electron that can pass through multiple places at the same time. You know, it's mostly air and space. So I'm living now in this time, and yet I'm remembering something from another time, which is just a construct and I'm living it like it happened now and I'm living it into my future, yet I could have a different future. And that past can be back. You know what I mean? So it's like multiple, when we get into this quantum Yes, and.
Leah:I'm glad you you brought that up because it reminds me of one of the ways that I was supported in walking myself out of the story of this is who I am because this is what happened to me and it was so painful. I so wanted to disengage from that voice that was believing that something inside of me was so fucked up that this happened to me. And you're right, I was, I could go into the past and relive it like it was happening now. And one of the ways that I was able to overcome that story was going back in the past and imagining a different outcome. So I gave myself three or four different scenarios in a high peak level of arousal. Walked myself with support of others back to the story of pain and trauma, and made different choices. One time I asked for help. Another time I asked my abuser to look in my eyes. Another time I got up and I walked out. And so by giving myself these different scenarios by going back into the past while I was energetically in a higher state, an altered state, what happened when I came out of it was I felt different because I was different. It's this opportunity, and it sounds kind of trippy, but you can change the past by imagining it happening right now, imagining different outcomes and then feel it right now, yet anything's possible. And then you have your future, you, right? All these different versions of your future you. And so the one that was able to walk away, what wisdom did she have for me? The one who asked for help. What wisdom does she have for me in the present time? And it was, profound. And I think from that quantum physics idea that the past, the present, and the future are all happening at the same time, fuck, we can completely shift our stories. And if you're willing, you can actually feel the felt sense of difference and going through multiple episodes of that sort of therapeutically, I was able to disengage from the belief that I was always going to be a victim because there was something in inherently wrong with me, and that was a part of the dissolving of the shame. And also the next crisis was I, well then who the fuck am I if I'm not the girl that this happened to? Now I have to find out who I really am without that story. And at first that was scary. Because it's a little like I don't have an identity. And when you let go of the pain body, that painful story, what's beautiful is you get to decide, but really just comes back to essence, which is what we all are, which to me just ended up being love. You know, suddenly the space to be more loving appeared. Yeah. To myself, most importantly, because I wasn't so bad to people out there. I was bad to the person in here. And so that love that was always going outward. Got to go back and yeah. So for anyone who's had sort of, and so many of you have had a traumatic life altering experience. It's not who you are, it's just something that happened
Freddy:I mean, potty training, everybody went through that. That was traumatic.
Dr. Willow:Birth, everyone went through that. That can be very traumatic for everyone.
Freddy:I mean, a lot of guys got their wee wees cut
Leah:being born.
Freddy:you know? And. Yeah. Yeah. No, you can't get out of it without having some, challenges, and it's like all of this work is really ultimately about what you just shared. How can we shift some of these things as just experiences on the path, because we all will eventually leave this experience. I think the best preparation is learning how to let go of a lot of these pain body places. And really we're just, we're really kind of new in terms of, being aware of our own existence and these big brain thinking homo sapiens that we are, you know, we're really pretty new to it. So we're still in kind of an ego you know, wanting to know thing. And we can't know enough because, when someone listens to what you just shared and goes, oh, well you, you want me to let go of. You know, my rape or my beating or my whatever I went through? It's like, yeah. Well that's not possible. Well, okay, let's think about, again, like I was talking about the universe.
Leah:Yeah.
Freddy:I mean, if that's possible, anything's possible. So these are the practices of learn, learning how to bring in the possible, you know, and I love what you shared because that's really the key, for all of us. And, but learning again, to work with the sexual and the alter state, the unmasking, the intimacy, the vulnerability that happens in that place. You can't, you know, You can get to sometimes through plant medicine people do that, there's a good therapy or a guided LSD trip. Or. You know, But the sexual piece is not something that people learn how to use in that way. Although in our book we mentioned Napoleon Hill in Think Grow Rich, he wrote this book in 1935, and he talked about his whole thing was about getting people's mindset to be rich. How to think and grow rich. And he said he was a little patriarchal, he said well, lucky is the man, I say lucky is the person, who can learn to use their sexual energy, and his thing was wealth. and you can learn to use that altered state to create happiness or whatever it is you want to create. And that's the intelligence of that energy that was creating life before we had language.
Leah:Yeah. You know, when you say that, one of the things that struck me is, wouldn't it be awesome for parents to support their kids coming of age to go your sexual energy is precious, it is filled with wealth, it is filled with pleasure, it is a birthright, and you can cultivate it. Now, what is your dream? You want to get a scholarship? Okay let's plug you in because one of the questions we've been asking is, You know, when you think about kids coming of age, right, this generation, I mean, we didn't grow up with the porn that's out there today. I think that's actually one of the unique differences about, you know, this generation is the access to porn. And then also, and I'm not saying that I don't think, I don't have a lot of judgment around porn. I just think that it's unfortunate that a lot of young people will believe that's what sex is or looks like when it really should be seen as entertainment.
Freddy:Yeah, it's their generation. I think it's moving in the right direction in that, people are getting sort of gorged with sex and the sexual energy. So it's learning how to eat, oh God, I could go to McDonald's. So you eat a lot of McDonald's and you get sick. You know, so like, they're just gorging themselves on porn. Like there was a guru that I used to read and follow, Baguan, you know, Osha, and he, when his adepts would come to study when he was in Puna with him, he would have them go to the ashram and just fuck till they couldn't go anymore. Like, you know, two weeks. And, you know, yoni's were just limp and hanging out, and lingam's are just like done. You and then he would come in and he would say, Now we meditate.
Leah:Okay. Nice.
Freddy:It's like you think it's the next orgasm or the next new conquest or the next, you know, sexual experience and it's great. Yeah. And that, that never stops. So how do you get past it? So just, so now I think socially people are gorging themselves and then it'll be, well, what can we do now with it? Oh, we can meditate with it and there'll be much more. Yeah. And I, so I think it's moving in the right direction and a lot of young women too are learning and seeing things sexually that they never knew they could do.
Leah:right.
Freddy:You know, oh, I can fuck that way, or I can do that, or I can have that, or, you know, just, you know, before it was just totally like hidden. The
Leah:what advice would you have for parents about, you know, introducing them to sex?
Freddy:Hmm. Well, first they need to flatten their own charge that they have on it. This show that I used to do this Sexual Enlightenment Show. I traveled all over the world doing it, did it for years. And this is where I was singing and it was all about demystifying sex, love, and intimacy in my own story. And I, so I start to show out, you know, I'm this sort of like, You know, this biomorphic form coming out of the quagmire. And I'd come out of this bag and I'd be naked. I used to do it at Eslan, whenever we would teach there. I'd do it all over the place, Kripalu everywhere. I did it in Europe, did it in Australia, and I'd come outta the bag naked. And then I would do this monologue, and then I would open up with, I'm five years old and I'm watching the cartoons and you know, and so then I would play the kid and then the cartoon cues would be playing and then you would hear. Sex. Two people having sex. Now the audience was in on it, but I'm a five year old kid. I don't know what it is. So I want to know. So I go down the hall, I open the door, I see my folks fucking, and I explain what I'm seeing. You know, my dad's humping my mom and I'm thinking, oh my God, he is hurting mom. And then now she turns him over and screams from the chandelier and it looks like they're getting along okay. And then I say, And they stop. And they see me and they sit up in bed nude. And my father says, come in young Freddy and sit at the edge of the bed. Now people are thinking, oh my God, are they going to sexually assault this kid? What they going to do? And my father says to me, young Freddy, we're making love. And one day you'll be even more interested in this than you are now. Could you leave and close the door? And that's the scene. And I go through my whole life, you know, first orgasm with this big, huge white penis. I have this orgasm scene, and then it was a funny show. It was one hour. It was great. Anyway, at the end of the show, now, I remember I was doing a show at Kripalu one year, had 500 people in my audience, and then I opened it up for sharing and one guy raises his hand. He says, well, you know, I'm a young father, and I never thought I could even do that with my kids if they came in.
Leah:Yeah, right.
Freddy:Then another woman shares. Oh yeah, I remember I asked my mom, I heard them making noises and she said they were wrestling another guy shares, oh yeah, I remember I was listening at the door, my father came and opened the door real quick and slapped me in my face and accused me of being peeping tom.
Dr. Willow:Shame
Freddy:We get shaming and lies and beatings around this most intimate thing of ourselves. So the first thing I would say for parents is to learn to be human about the sexuality. Kids are curious. You know, don't, don't, don't have sex with them. Don't do anything like that because they, that's just an abusive situation. Yeah. Kids are curious and they're okay. You're going to lick the little girl's vagina. That's abuse. Okay. because she doesn't know what the hell's going on. She might feel good about it, but you're doing it just for the lust in your own self-gratification. So, no, tell her what you're doing. Explain to her that if she's into masturbation. Go do it in your bedroom. It's okay, just do it in your bedroom, it's fine, and it'll feel great, just not out on the street in the public like this when we're having people over for dinner.
Leah:Right.
Dr. Willow:Right.
Freddy:But don't shame her, you know, or him.
Leah:Yeah.
Freddy:And you know, how can you be, but that requires the, the adult to be really grounded in their own sexuality, in their own.
Dr. Willow:They need to have a certain level of sexual sovereignty, and I think also, teaching. I mean, well that, so that requires work on the parents part inside of themselves. But then I think also teaching children like what shame actually is and teaching them about shame, because, I mean, shame is not eradicated from our world. Not yet anyway. Leah and I are working on it here but you know, kids are going to get shamed by other kids. By parents, by other adults themselves, other peers, brothers and sisters. And so teaching them what it actually is and what they can do to alchemize that emotion into finding their way back to core.
Freddy:And that's why the meditation can be so valuable for young kids at an early age when they feel something to teach them to be still in their belly breath, the parasympathetic breathing, where they kind of give a little bit of a pause from whatever, and then feel into what they're feeling and where they're feeling it, and take'em through a process of that. Then they can begin to organize their emotions in a way that they don't completely get overwhelmed by them.
Leah:Yeah, that Is such a good point because I think shame is contagious. It's like if the parent because it, it's such an energetic felt sense sensation. It's like this ugh, grip and if a parent is experiencing that emotional charge, if they're ashamed of what they're doing and then it's like they don't have to tell the child, you should be ashamed of this. Their own shame is like vibrating out of them and we can all feel it. And so no one can do this perfectly. It's this is why this is sort of this idea of what if we could be more present? And Freddie, I think you named it, how do we get there, is coming back into those deep belly breaths and finding that feeling of being in the present moment, grounding yourself, letting the energy start to dissipate out your feet into the earth, and collect yourself so that you're present to what you want to communicate and then it's an ongoing self work. You know, if you want to pass on a healthy mirror neuron model to a younger people, yeah, it starts with your own body and your own energy and really understanding the energy's real and it affects us. It's not just emotion, it's energy too.
Dr. Willow:Yeah. So, you know, one of the, one of the things that we've been talking about throughout this whole interview is synonymous with the gift that Freddy, you're going to give to our audience today, isn't it?
Freddy:Oh yes. Sustaining Masculine Pleasure Video Download.
Dr. Willow:Sustaining Masculine Pleasure. I wish I'd learned that. I wish I'd been in that sex education class when I was 14, 15, 16.
Freddy:And maybe, hopefully their kids will, you know, they'll
Dr. Willow:Teach it to your kids as you learn it. I think it's so valuable.
Freddy:the Sex piece is really important. I mean, because again, there's a lot of meditation, a lot of practices, but even a young person who's not, even evolved to their puberty yet can place their hand on their second chakra and their heart chakra, and immediately they will shift their feeling and then they can start to feel into where they're feeling the shame, what you know, and the whole thing, and then send it out. Learning to move energetic with the breath, attention and intention, and then they start to again, start to collect themselves and not be so overwhelmed by these things that are part of the human experience.
Leah:Um, Freddy, what, can you tell us a little bit about your work with men and your men's classes?
Freddy:Oh yeah. We've been doing that for many years. I teach it alone. Usually our co-ed classes we teach together. And then Elsbeth has a woman's series that she teaches. So with the men's group usually smaller groups, 8 to 12 men. And it's a two day workshop. And one of the key components is learning the separation of Ejaculation orgasm. There are a lot of actionable insight process work that is done over the two days between the first day and the second day. Men are, you know, they learn the self-love practice and it's not necessarily sustaining high levels of Ejaculation, which can be part of it. The big piece is learning to tap into the subtle energy body, and moving things with breath, because as a meditation to shift things in the body pain, body emotional, whatever it might be, that's the ongoing practice. So, yeah, it's great. We do drumming, we have drumming circle, which is part of the practice because for guys, you know, as a team, when guys come together they don't even trust themselves much as these other, you know, it's like, and so we kind of can cry and pat each other on the ass after we've been killing each other in war or beating each other up on the football field. So the drumming creates, you know, a synergy, a team, you know, even if someone doesn't drum, but their main thing is to just play boom, boom, boom. You gotta do it with all your heart brother because if you throw it off, everybody's going to be off. So, so guys love that kind of like, you know, yeah, I'm going to do it Godammit no matter, you know, that
Leah:right. right. I love it, Tell you, weave them together other, yeah.
Freddy:It's a workshop. I like doing it. And guys come out, you know, they always want to stay together or be friends and they make
Leah:Yeah. How often do you do that?
Freddy:I don't know, four or five times a year maybe. like
Leah:that. Great. So, Freddy and his beloved Elsbeth are just an amazing dynamic duo and they work with couples and Elsbeth has her women's classes. Freddy, you have your men's classes and they have retreats. Are you going to keep doing the Costa Rica Retreat?
Freddy:Yeah, well, we've got another one planned. We you know, one step at a time, so year by year we'll see how it goes. But yeah, it's great. We love it down there and usually it's a beautiful palatial grounds that will rent for the week. And so people are surrounded by luxury, great food. We have a special cook that cooks for us. And lots of insights and breakthroughs and aha moments and yeah, it's, lot of wonderfulness.
Leah:Awesome. And they've got Online Courses. If you want to check out more stories of Freddy's dad and to see his gorgeous, beloved Elsbeth, check out episode 13 and 38 of the Sex Reimagined podcast and we can't wait to have y'all back. Thank you so much, Freddy.
Freddy:Oh, thank you both so much for your work and having me on your platform. And Elsbeth says hello and thank you to your
Dr. Willow:audience. We love you guys.
Leah:All right, everyone. Have a fantastic day. Love, love, love, love, love.
Announcer:Now, our favorite part, the dish.
Leah:Oh, we're gonna dish on Freddy. We're gonna dish on Freddy. You
Dr. Willow:It was so fun to sit with Freddy just on his own. I mean, I love interviewing Freddy and Elisabeth together, but it's so nice to just, I mean, when there's four people in the interview, it can get a little, it's kind of like having four people playing pool at the pool table, you know, and you just kind of lose your flow sometimes a little bit. So sometimes less is more. It was just great. Love Freddy. What an amazing man. What an incredible, like, history and story. His dad, like, raising him the way that he did and And having such a long experiential history of using sex for spiritual enlightenment. I mean, at 13, starting to do that. How incredible. Because I mean, how many people walked in on their parents having sex and their parents were like, paused the sex and said, Come sit down with us and explained, like, hey, we're having sex. And it's something that's very pleasurable and enjoyable to adults and you'll be interested in it more at some point in your life. But for now, go back to your room, read a book, and close the door on your way out. You know, it's a private thing, and like, in that moment, like, who has the cognizance in that moment? I remember, you know, walking in on my parents, and it was, it was definitely, they didn't shame me, they didn't, I don't think they even really knew I was there. I just kinda, I was super little, and I was like, oh, something's going on, and I just kind of snuck back out, you know. Um, that's my memory of it, and I think everyone probably has a different memory of their, you know, experiencing sexuality through their parents.
Leah:I never heard my parents.
Dr. Willow:You never did.
Leah:no, and I'm pretty sure they were pretty active. I mean, they did have five kids. And just the way that they were, they were very affectionate towards each other which led me to believe that they probably were very active. Um, it always surprised me that I never heard anything. Um...
Dr. Willow:I think that's also something that, that parents struggle with. It's like, oh, well we don't have time to have sex, the kids are home by this time. And then we don't have that time together, and da da da da da. And it's like, well, it's okay if your kids hear you laughing and giggling and rolling around and having fun together. That's actually a good thing! You just have to be prepared to explain to them that you know that this is something that is a very normal part of life. It's a healthy part of life. If kids are growing up with it normalized and thinking it's a healthy thing, they're gonna have more respect for it. They're gonna have more honor for it. Then when they get into their teens and their peers are trying to do it to be cool, or trying to do it in secrecy, or trying to do it for some egoic reason, they're gonna have a different level of respect for sexuality in general so they're going to have a different approach to it.
Leah:Yeah, and I think when we're honest, you know, relatively honest with our kids about this sort of sexual process, and there's a real balance, you know, there's, because I know people who felt overexposed by their parents sexuality and it screwed them up. I know people whose, uh, parents who had no sexuality really screwed them up. And I think if we were to simplify it, it's, you know, sane kids usually have loving parents. You know, so if you can demonstrate that mom and dad love each other, or mom and mom love each other, or dad and dad love each other I think kids feel safer. My dad would take my mom and throw her over the dinner table and French kiss her, you know, and we would all go, eww, so gross, you guys are so gross, you know, but behind the eww, you're so gross was security.
Dr. Willow:Yeah.
Leah:and dad love each other. You know, even though my parents didn't stay together, there was a certain felt sense of security I had by seeing them love each other. And demonstrating love. I don't think they grew up seeing that as much between their parents.
Dr. Willow:Right. What's interesting, I didn't see that at all through my, with my parents. Like they weren't super affectionate. They barely ever kissed, you know. They, even to this day, it's just not a big thing.
Leah:Do they hold hands?
Dr. Willow:They're still together. Right. And so, and... Yeah, and there's this like, um, know, my sense of security, I think it was more just like, we're gonna, we're gonna be a team, we're gonna work together, we're gonna do this together, we're gonna create together, life together, home together, you know.
Leah:Right. Move through obstacles together. You know, those shared experiences of overcoming things can really bond a couple. Even if that juiciness may not be as alive. Um, that other togetherness that, um, can strengthen that bond through the decades.
Dr. Willow:And then there's single parents, you know, children who are being raised by single parents. It's like, well, where does the, where do they get that example from? And hopefully they can see it in other parents. You know, I have some, some friends right now who kind of are the example for, for different kids in the community. Because the kids are, you know, either the parents are really rigid and strict. Or, um, not open and communicative with them, so it's like they'll take their problems to that one particular parent because they know they can talk to that adult about the thing that, you know, otherwise would just remain in shame. And hidden. And become a shadow you you of their upbringing and the way that they make choices through the world. So it's, it's, uh, any parent, I think, any adult even, doesn't even have to be a parent. I think any adult who can connect with children or teens, young, young kids in a really authentic, honest, open way and really normalize this particular aspect of life, sexuality. You know, I have a book that's coming out, and um, when some of the younger, you know, teenage girls are asking me, oh, what's the name of your book? You know, I'll just say, okay, well, it's Sex as Medicine. And they're like, Oh, that sounds like a pretty good book. You know? It's normalizing it.
Leah:I think that we're these tribal creatures and so we need to have these other adult influences to round out what we can receive as wisdom. growing up, everyone had that, knows that parent that was really cool or that was really open or was really friendly, um, and who paid attention to you, even if they weren't your parent. You'd come over and they would ask you questions and they were generally curious and I know I lived for that. Everyone felt like they could go to my mom for anything and she always had the best snacks. So everyone came to our house. And, um, but it's, uh, it's meaningful to have an adult, you know, turn their curious attention on you. Even if at first it's, you're not as comfortable speaking in front of or to another adult, it can, it can really be one of those inflection points where someone really influences you in a positive way. And, and gives your heart the thing it needs to follow a dream or to move forward with something or to heal something. So for all those parents out there, you have such a challenging job and we have so much...
Dr. Willow:bow to you. Yeah.
Leah:Yeah, totally. It's, um,
Dr. Willow:Because we're not doing it in this
Leah:lifetime. It's amazing thing because we're not doing it. But we have like great respect because it's also a whole nother journey of love. And, um. Yeah, so please, if you're a parent and you have gained some insight, some wisdom, you've been a part of groups and, and you feel like you've got a hit on something around sexuality and coming of age, we want to hear about it. Please go to our hotline at SpeakPipe and leave us a message. Share a story, um, share some advice and we will maybe play it on air or certainly talk about it. Hey, we might even have you on an episode. So, um. Let us know, and then also let us know how to reach you in case we have any follow
Dr. Willow:up questions. Absolutely. You know, one more thing about Freddie that he was, that he was so great in articulate and talking about is this, um, how to realign the, the, the belief systems, the neural pathways, the frequencies within you around using sexual energy. You know, using that powerful sexual energy to actually create a reality that works for you, that you want, that you actually want to be in.
Leah:that you can, you can move yourself forward on dreams. You know, I mean, I love that, like, he wanted this basketball scholarship and he kind of minimized the fact that he got it later.
Dr. Willow:He said athletic
Leah:at 13.
Dr. Willow:later, so it might not have
Leah:athletic scholarship, yeah.
Dr. Willow:See, the universe always knows better. Maybe it wasn't supposed to. I don't even know what it was, but it
Leah:Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, and I love that he brings up the subtle body because I think that's a really important energetic awareness that we have these subtle bodies and people have such a challenging time wanting to consider the energetic effects of their system and their life and for those of you who really want to experience some profound sexual realities, well you gotta kind of tap in to and to find out what does this energy thing mean to you. And how can you leverage it to have more sensations, to feel more intimacy, to have these experiences that we spend a lot of time talking about and you can't get there without tapping into what the subtle body is, into what energy is, into feeling
Dr. Willow:beyond your Mmm, I'm so glad you just said that the way you did. Yeah, I have sometimes people come to me and they're like, I don't really want to do a bunch of meditation or Qigong. Or I don't really want to do a bunch of breathing and sound. I just want to get into the sexual practices. I'm like, okay. I, I know, I know that. And, you know, and then once they get in,
Leah:won't believe how you'll feel if you do it, yeah.
Dr. Willow:they're like, Oh, okay. Yes. I get it now.
Leah:I get it. Yeah,
Dr. Willow:All right. Well, God
Leah:Alright sister, well I'll catch you on the flip side. Love, love, love, and love to Freddie!
Announcer:Thanks for tuning in. This episode was hosted by Tantric Sex Master Coach and Positive Psychology Facilitator, Leah Piper, as well as by Chinese and Functional Medicine Doctor and Taoist Sexology Teacher, Dr. Willow Brown. Don't forget, your comments, likes, subscribes, and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together.