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Hi there. This is Leah at Sex Reimagined, your Tantra expert.
Willow:And I'm Dr. Willow Brown, your Taoist expert here at Sex Reimagined. Today, we dove in with Meleah Manning, who is a trauma informed dating and relationship coach for women specifically, high powered women who think they don't need a man and can do it all on their own. Um, her work focuses on supporting women heal from past pain that impacts their love life, attracting their ideal partner, and developing the Skills for a lasting and fulfilling relationship. We talked all about that in the interview, you're going to learn so much. And she's got an epic track record of assisting hundreds of women in attracting their ideal partners, and channels the expertise and knowledge that she has accumulated through her signature program, Radiant Relationship Academy, which is a three month course for women to begin to overcome the things that are holding them back in their love life.
Leah:Yes. And stay with the episode until the very end because she's got a great free gift and you don't want to miss it. So you know what to do, friends, tune in, turn on and fall in love with the beautiful Meleah.
Announcer:Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show.
Leah:Hello. Yay. Welcome, Meleah.
Meleah:Thanks for having me. I'm excited.
Willow:Yeah, we're so thrilled that you're here and just love the work that you're doing in the world, working with women, helping them to overcome old patterns so that they can move forward in their love lives and in relationship. It's such a, uh, important thing, the work that you're doing and, um, we're so excited to learn more all about it. So, why don't you tell us how you got started in this work?
Meleah:Yeah, I would love to. So it was really my own journey that led me here to support women in this and really devote my career to understanding how can we actually overcome these patterns in a way that Addresses them at the root and it's not just sort of playing at the surface level like I'm gonna have awareness of this pattern and I'm gonna talk about it in therapy and then it's somehow gonna magically disappear, you know, like, how do we actually get down into the body to, um, yeah, like I said, get to the root of it. So that was my experience is, um, I guess it was 11 years ago now. I was 18 years old and I got married. So super young, um, but really I was sold the fairy tale, you know, like met Yang in high school and then, um, he went off to the military and we got married and that relationship became really abusive and toxic and ended up being really unsafe for me to stay. So I eventually left and then That's when the real work started for me. The impact of that was, I mean, it was so deep in my nervous system. Years would pass and I, I would, I would feel like I was through it. Like I had healed. I was, I was over it, but the patterns repeated and who I was attracting and how I would show up in relationship. And so that's what really sent me on my own journey to find. True healing to find how do we address this deeper? How do we, when therapy doesn't quite work, what else is there? Um, and so through my own reclamation of this and now being engaged to an incredible man, and I feel so at peace and in love and well taken care of and, you know, first and foremost, I I'm responsible for caring for myself, right? So through that journey, again, I just really inspired me. And for the past seven years, I've devoted my career to Sharing that pathway with other women.
Willow:I love it. So, so amazing to, to kind of walk your own talk, you know, and, and do the, um, the Chiron path, you know, the wounded healer, and really just like take the, the wisdom that you've learned from your, what you've overcome and apply it to, um, you know, helping others.
Leah:Yeah. So what were some of the tools and strategies that, you know, helped you heal?
Meleah:Yeah. So what I found was I needed a deeper approach, right? So the, the trauma we experience, a lot of that lives in the body and different. Modalities I was trying just really kept me in my head. And it was like, think better thoughts and here's the mindset and here's, you know, the therapy and all of those things really help. And I think holistically they're important. Um, and when I started to learn about somatic work and embodiment work and getting actually into the nervous system to create a whole new baseline of safety, that's when I felt real change. That's when I actually felt like I could re inhabit my body and, and put down those walls, you know, and actually be able to let love in and not feel like I, I'm constantly on edge and I'm constantly like, oh no, I don't want to get hurt again. And I'm constantly like, When's the next shoe gonna drop, you know, it's like I can actually relax into my body and I can truly connect with with my lover and I can let that love penetrate me, you know, so it was really the embodiment work and the somatic work. That was the game changer and I've taken that and I've created a really accessible kind of digestible pathway for women to apply that as well. And I know for me, what often happens is we swing from one extreme to the next, you know, so I was really naive and young getting into that marriage. And then. My, my mind was like, well, that didn't work. So now I'm going to be super independent and no one can mess with me and no one can get into this, you know, and I'm not going to let anyone in. So then I was, became really comfortable in that hyper independent, I don't need a man, you know, type of, um, it's a defense mechanism.
Leah:Yeah.
Meleah:So when we really look at what are these defense mechanisms that we take on and do. Do we, are they actually keeping us safe? You know, that defense mechanism was actually keeping the thing I wanted away.
Willow:I'm curious how, um, like, what actual somatic practices you bring to the table. Like, what are, is it, like, Hakome work, or somato emotional release, or what kind of
Meleah:Yeah. Well, we always start with the basics. Um, I run a program called Radiant Relationship Academy and the first phase in the, in the program, I call it Stabilize. So it's, it's honestly the basics of how to regulate your nervous system, which to me is the most life changing work I've ever experienced, you know, actually knowing how to notice your body is dysregulated. And then, what do I do from there? Instead of suppressing it, instead of trying to keep myself busy as a way to manage anxiety, it's like, what would happen if I could actually be with this? If I actually understood the stress response my nervous system is in, and then knew how to meet myself in that moment. Um Another one of, you know, what I consider the basics is how to process emotions through your body. So, again, instead of using these strategies of let me just think my way through this anxiety or through this heartbreak, what if I were to feel it? What if I were to dance to it? What if I were to sit with it? What if I were to, um, let it, let myself scream and stomp around, like, truly embody that which I'm feeling. Um, and then we get to a place where we can more so tap into that feminine embodiment where it's very intuitive type of movement because again, you've created that safety and that trust and that space in your body to, to inhabit that, to, to experience that. So,
Willow:I love it. Yeah, I think it's so that every time that I do some metto emotional release work with people, they actually get the profound change that they're seeking in, in the thing that's holding them back from what they really want. So it is so important to get into the body and the mind is, an important part of that too, right? It's like they're two sides of the same coin and we're walking around in these physical temples that, um, that are addicted to certain chemical responses, you know, like our bodies go into Anxiety and stress and fight or flight just on their own, because those chemicals are running from the glands in our bodies up to our brain and their addictions, um, physically. And so, we have to be aware of that part of our soma, our physical body. So, so great that you're offering this to women, especially the sort of genre of women that you work with. You know, women who are those. I can do it all myself and you know, I don't need a man and I just, who are kind of running at that high nervous system, you know, that fight or flight sympathetic nervous system. Yeah,
Meleah:pleasing at times and, um, being really productive and, um, over functioning essentially. And so they use those same strategies and love and relationship and then they eventually find, you know, this isn't working. This isn't, you know, getting me the same result that it's gotten me in my career. It's not leading to true fulfillment. They usually attract, uh, the underfunctioners, you know, the more passive men. So they're not feeling taken care of in the relationship. They're doing the most, you know, they feel like the mother, the caretaker, they're wearing the pants in the relationship and they're comfortable in that role, yet it's not what they truly desire. They truly desired a masculine man, you know, someone to, um, tell him, sit down, I've got it, you know, like, let me take care of that. Yet they have a really hard time surrendering into that.
Leah:yeah, I think, uh, that's so spot on. I was just, um, talking with a friend the other night who's, um, has a friend who's a really high powered lawyer, and, you know, she's got to go to battle every day. She's competing with really high powered men, and so she's got to hold her own. And it's, it's a privilege and a gift that we are at a place in our culture where we had the women's live movement, and we got to compete, and utilize our skills, and experience different careers, and make more room for ourselves in our culture. Like, we got to break out of some boxes. But what did a disservice, in my opinion, is that we forgot or got disengaged from a part of our femininity that is soft, that is, that can surrender, that loves to be devotional, who wants to be, um, in the beauty of the everything. And so she's coming home. Right? And so there's an intensity, not knowing how to like turn that off when you get home. So you end up barking at your partner. You end up feeling this resentment because you're still holding on to everything. And he finally told her, this isn't gonna work for me anymore. You need to go to your bedroom. You need to transition. And when you come out, I want you to wear a nightie and I want you to bring me a bourbon. And then we're going to sit down and we're going to have some sweet time together, but you're going to come and you're going to be with your man. And I'm like, Um, that, that would make me wet. I would go into my room, I would transition, and I'm gonna let my hair down and go home and actually be nurtured and feel the sweetness of, um, of partnership where you don't have to be so strong all day.
Meleah:and I think we haven't quite figured it out yet, because we look to the past, and women were in that housewife role, and we can look at that now, probably us sitting here, and we can say, that's kind of hot, you know, like, I'll be the housewife, and you bring home the bacon, whatever. But, you know, we did that for years and years. And then there was this, women came into the workforce and they're like, no, I want to be strong and independent and powerful. And I don't want to depend on a man. And there is truth in that because women for many years would, would really have to depend on their husband for it. A place to live in money, you know, if they are home taking care of the children, they don't necessarily have their own money. And so maybe that wasn't the best situation to be in, right? And there's still women in those situations today.
Leah:Yeah.
Meleah:we have this uprising of the strong, independent woman who pushes away that. Masculine that, that genuinely really wants to care for her. So then we have this deep unfulfillment with women. So I believe there is this beautiful middle ground where we can integrate those different parts of us as women and men, you know, of course, we can bring men into the conversation as well. Um, but, but I, I found for myself that the hyper independent space didn't work for me and what I truly wanted was to live my, my purpose and my passion and be of service to, to what I really believe in and to, in a way, depend on my man. Like really allow him to be, uh, the leader of the relationship, you know, and to surrender to his masculine and to trust his leadership and to Um, like you said, like, yeah, tell me to go put my, my 90s on and I'll bring you a sandwich, you know, like, okay. So, but if I didn't have that strong core within me, that could feel disrespectful. And a lot of women still feel that that's disrespectful.
Leah:yeah, it's the misinterpretation of the actual dynamic. And I think for the first 20 years of my life, I was misinterpreting a dynamic that actually has the potential to be very harmonic where everyone ends up getting their needs met. We've been so divorced of our needs that it's, it's become complicated. But I do believe that we're at this time for a reason and, um, and this returning to It's like sometimes we have to throw the baby out with the bathwater to know what it is that we're missing in order to create change. And we, we had a huge across the country, really in so many places across countries, a change that allowed women to be more than what they thought. And now we have to return because we dropped some things off that we want to bring back home. And it is really interesting to hold a perspective that goes, that's disrespectful. And then to choose to look at it differently and to gain a new perspective to go, is it really? And, um, and so I think it's exciting. I think it's good. I think all of it is good. I think having both points of view is important.
Willow:I'm curious what you think about the, the dynamic, Meleah, between, you know, men being able to hold the space and being able to be man enough to hold for the feminine, um, in, in a heterosexual, you know, cisgendered relationship. And, um, versus women allowing them, right? Being able to allow them, being in their feminine enough that they can allow uh, their partner to hold that space for them, because I know that that's a, that can be a tricky dynamic. And it is sort of like, um, specific to each relationship, of course, but I'm curious what you've seen in your work with, with these particular genre of women, like what, um, how much of it is that they're just not able to be in their feminine enough and allow that. And that's what they're learning with you versus they're not attracting men who can actually hold.
Meleah:Yeah. I mean, it's, That we each have our own personal responsibility. And it's so easy to blame the other and say, well, if my partner would be more masculine, how could I trust him? If this, this, and this, and then, and I have a lot of compassion for men. I find it so interesting to really listen to what's going on for men and what they, uh, find challenging in dating and relationships. And something that I've heard from a lot of men is that they're afraid to. Make women feel disrespected, like they're afraid to come off creepy, they're afraid to, um, like try to take a, like, make a woman feel as though he's trying to take her power away. So, You know, so I think it's important for both men and women to understand each other, like really make that effort to, to listen to what their partner or the person they're dating is saying and expressing what's the deeper layer, uh, rather than just pointing the finger. And what I invite my clients to do is to be the one that goes first.
Willow:Mm hmm.
Meleah:Go first. You know, like, how long are you gonna wait for the man to step up? How long are you gonna wait for your partner to be more masculine? Okay, evoke it. Inspire it. It's not, it's a very, um victim type of space to sit in to, to, okay. When, when, uh, emotionally available partner comes along, then I'll be vulnerable. That will never happen,
Leah:Yeah. No, you won't attract that person.
Meleah:Yeah.
Leah:Yeah. Yeah. You absolutely. Uh, I'd love that. You go first. Why wait? It's your life.
Willow:So I'm curious, Meleah, um, how, how long is the journey that women work with you? How long do they go through the process and what are the stages and what are the steps and what does it look like?
Meleah:Yeah, so, it's a three month program. And, yeah, the, the journey that they go through, I mentioned, um, a little bit earlier, that first phase is stabilizing. So, working with This is the nervous system to stabilize your internal world. This is where we start to build self trust, which is what I believe is the foundation of attracting the right person for you. But then also sustaining that relationship and in a way that feels really good and long lasting and committed and exciting. So we start with stabilizing because if we're going to go deeper into these patterns and and the roots of them, and sometimes that means getting into past trauma. We want to create a really safe space to do that in your own body, where your body feels like it's resilient enough to go into those deeper, sometimes darker, places within you. So, stabilizing, and then we move into looking at these actual patterns, identifying them, and um, understanding what's driving them. And that's the missing piece for a lot of people, is they can see this is the thing that's happening and I don't like it. You know, I'm attracting these types of men, or my partner's doing this, and I don't like the thing. But the thing keeps happening. And that's because something's driving it. That defense mechanism, or that your trust issues, or that thing your mom said to you when you were three years old, like there's something you've internalized along the way that's driving that pattern. So we get into the body to be able to to feel where that's coming from, and then we can actually create change in our life. You know, you can actually choose a different pattern, choose a different way of being, um. Then we actually start to look at, okay, who are you attracting? Now we're actually getting into to the external. All of that was internal. So the external is, yeah, who are you attracting and, and what's working about that? What's not? The bigger issue is who you're choosing, right? We choose partners, um, for a specific reason. And A lot of times women get really caught up in, it's the city I live in, or you know, there's um, just all the good men are taken, or I don't know why I keep attracting these type of people.
Willow:Oh, you mean those old limiting beliefs?
Meleah:Yeah, exactly. That seems so real.
Willow:Santa Cruz is known for it, for sure. All the single women here are like, everyone's a Peter Pan in Santa Cruz. And there are a lot of men who like to just play, but there's also a lot of men who like to be men. So, you know, it's your mindset is pretty big. So it sounds like that's a big stage that you work women through.
Meleah:Yeah, and it's, and that's even your relationship to men, to the masculine. You know, like, if I'm saying with my girlfriends all the time, Oh, all these men just, you know, they're the, in the Peter Pan phase, or they just want one thing, or no one, no one can go, like, deep enough with me. Well, that's what I believe about men. And if I believe that about men, how am I going to experience men? And then how are men going to feel around me?
Willow:Right.
Meleah:Right? So
Leah:I'd have women come into my women's groups and there would always be like a couple of them like, where are all the open hearted men? Where are all the open hearted men? And I'm like, I don't know, are you safe for a man to have his heart open around? You know, because if you are, um, aggressive and going after and being demanding, you have to be this way. How is there any space to actually come and unfold into that authentically? So it's like you want an open hearted man, all right, be the lady who's safe for an open heart to spend some time around.
Meleah:Oh, that's so good. It's so good because so, so that's a big thing. Women say men are emotionally unavailable. Okay. So when he shares something with you that feels vulnerable to, to him, are you meeting that with uh, a little bit of judgment? Are you saying like, well, that doesn't make sense to me, or like, sort of, uh, invalidating his experience rather than welcoming it and validating it and creating this really non-judgmental space. Even if you don't like the thing he says, you know. It's, can you be that welcoming, a a, that safe of a space for him to truly, like, does it have to be by your conditions? You know, because is that really a welcoming space? And that's when we get to point the finger back to ourself in a loving way and look at, okay, if this is what I say I want in a man, in a relationship, in my experience in dating, am I embodying that myself? Am I actually open to receiving that?
Leah:Yeah,
Meleah:Or are these barriers to love pushing it away, pushing it away, sabotaging it? So that's really the process, right? It's becoming the woman that, of course, you have that type of relationship. It just makes sense because you're embodying that every step of the way. So, yeah, like if you're, um, have this kind of conditions around what, what can be emotionally available and what can't, you're gonna attract or choose a partner who fits into that. What I see with a lot of women who identify as the ambitious, um, hyper independent, they often choose the, the safe option. which they don't consciously say this, you know, they don't really see that this is happening, but they go for that safe option that's sort of, um, you know, if they leave, that's fine, because I don't really care anyways. So that they can still try to protect themselves, but then what happens, they're totally unsatisfied because they have the safe option, you know, and they're not being challenged or totally, um, called into their greatness. And that's a terrifying relationship to be in. The relationship with that type of partner that's going to say, hey, I see your magnificence and I'm going to give you this feedback so that you truly step into that. But then what do I have to do? I have to take self ownership and I have to say, wow, you're right. You know, I was, I was pretty sniffy, snippy about that. And that wasn't fair, you know, or, you know, I see that. I was projecting that onto you. Like I have to take that level of ownership, which is hard to do.
Willow:Mhm.
Leah:it's a, it's a relationship strength. That's a skill that we want to cultivate because that's the, that's what makes for happier relationships. We have to learn how to fight well,
Meleah:Yeah.
Leah:that our arguments and our conflicts end up, um, benefiting us at the end of them.
Willow:Meleah, you mentioned um, the word receiving, like are they able to receive? And in my work with women, I take women through a nine month journey, so it's um, a big rebirthing process and we got the three month, three month, three month, you know, I'm imagining with this three month journey that you're taking women through, it's like really getting them um, like initiated through a certain phase in their path. And, um, receptivity, like, is, I think it's the feminine's greatest superpower. And we all have feminine energy within our bodies, right, whether, whatever gender we claim. And, um, so I think this piece around being able to receive, being able to soften, being able to surrender, it has, you know, it has, connotations of being seen as weak, but there's actually a huge, huge strength with it. It's an incredible superpower. And part of, you know, with the pattern work that Leah and I are involved in, which I'm not sure if it's different or similar to the patterns that you're talking about, but there is, um, a deep surrender to that way of Protecting yourself to that way of keeping yourself safe and, and being really conscious about it is one thing, but also being, um, having your finger on the pulse of how it's running through you physically through your Soma. So, um, I don't know what my question is, just that, that piece around receptivity, just wanted to kind of bring that more forward and, and highlight that a little bit more and just get your two cents on, on what you've seen, how you've seen women, uh, change their lives by stepping into that superpower more.
Meleah:Yeah. You know, I find that receiving often feels more vulnerable than giving.
Leah:Oh, only
Meleah:so women often, right,
Leah:It is so much more vulnerable than giving.
Meleah:right. Yeah, exactly. And so women will often come, become really comfortable in giving. And what is that? Another defense mechanism? You know, so they're giving, giving, giving, giving, giving. But they don't see that in doing that it blocks them from receiving, yet they become resentful because they feel like they're giving so much and they're not getting. Getting a lot back, but they feel deeply when we really get into it, you know, they feel deeply uncomfortable with actually that surrender. Like you said, that trust, that openness, that, um, yeah, for me, I really feel it as this like open openness to be able to receive. And I think there's this knowing in us that when we receive. So I see it like we're like allowing love to penetrate us, you know, we're allowing love or those feelings or, uh, that presence, whatever it is, to actually penetrate us and that's why it's so vulnerable because when I do that I'm catching feelings, you know, and so the risk of getting hurt, of feeling, uh, betrayed, let down, becomes so much bigger. Right? So, it does make sense why we would want to protect ourself from that, but if we can come to a place where we don't need these walls up anymore, because if I trust myself, I always tell my clients, you have to be as open to heartbreak as you are to love. It'll always be equivalent. So if I'm only okay with a little bit of heartbreak, then I'm only going to experience a little bit of love. But if I want the depth of love that life has to offer, then I have to be okay with having my heart absolutely shattered, and Love is a risk, isn't it? Always. I mean, in every phase of a relationship, there's always the risk that you could be absolutely heartbroken.
Willow:So how do you, how do you give, what do you give women to, you know, to, to get them to the point where they're like, okay, I'm going to take that risk because it is a big risk.
Meleah:yeah. So, how do we manage that? That's a great question. How do we navigate that? Like, why would I want to risk it all? So, when we go back to that first phase of stabilizing and processing emotions, I'm no longer afraid of emotions. You know, I understand. It's not that I'm just numb to emotions, but I, I'm able to hold the bigness of those emotions and those experiences in my body. And for me, grief was always the scariest emotion. To me, it was very unknown. I didn't experience it a lot in my life until about two and a half years ago, and in that, in that, when it came into my experience, I was like, we're going to meet this emotion because I can't be avoiding this any longer. And in that total surrender of that emotion, I found such beauty in it. It was so tender. It was so soft. I mean, it was just, it felt like it broke me open. And because, again, I have that safety in my body, to be with that, I can be with that. And so that's the whole journey I take my clients through, is if we want to hold the bigness of love, great, let's hold it, let's embody it, but it's a spectrum. So we also have to be with the bigness of anger, of sadness, of uh, heartbreak, you know? And it's not, it's, it's, it is scary, I'm not gonna sit here and lie, like it's totally scary. But it becomes less scary. I don't feel like I have to avoid it. I can, I trust myself to be with it. I trust that I have all the tools to navigate it. And I want the bigness of love, so let's go.
Leah:Yeah, I think what you're describing is self trust. It's the, it's the journey of cultivating self trust, because when you can trust that you get on the other side of those big emotions, you know you're going to be okay. You trust in your resilience and it gives you faith and more courage and more bravery to take those emotional risks with others. The Sufis have a saying, it's, May my heart be broken open a thousand times a day. And it's like, ah, fuck, I'm willing to break. I'm willing to break as many times as it takes so that I may know the beauty of life. You know, which is all these emotions. And the bitterness and the sweet. It's um, it's what life is made of. And if we're always afraid of it, then we're not really living.
Meleah:And that's sort of the feminine. Right? Like the messiness of all the emotions and the sad and the happy and the anger and the wild. And it's like, yeah, let me live into that. Let me truly feel those emotions in my body. And, and then circling back to the receiving aspect, it's like, yeah, if I don't have to be afraid of getting hurt, of the heartbreak, of the what might happen, then I can actually receive. Life and love and pleasure and, and, and my man, you know, I can actually let that in because I don't have to be on guard all the time.
Leah:one of the things that I think about fear, it's not that we really stop being afraid. We continue to be afraid, but we just don't take it that seriously. You know, it doesn't become this crippling thing. It just goes, ah, shit, I'm afraid again. I hate being afraid. But you, you, you move through it. You just, you don't make it as, um, as important.
Meleah:Yeah. I think with fear, fear is so interesting to me because we'll say often, Oh, well, I'm afraid. Okay. So. What are you afraid of? Often that right there gets people stumped. They're like, uh, like they really have to think about it. And it's like, great, okay, let's see what's under, like, what are you afraid of? They'll list a couple things. Okay, so what's worst case scenario? Usually that's he leaves. You know, that's usually the, that really is like worst case scenario. Okay, so he leaves or let's say maybe you're having a tough conversation with a lover. Okay, so he, uh, doesn't agree or he gets upset or he gets defensive. Okay. So that's our worst case scenario of what could possibly happen. That happens, how would you support yourself? What would you do? How would you navigate it? Oh, well, I would do this, and I would say this, or, you know, it's like, okay, great, like, now what does it feel like to move forward? So if we just work with it a little bit, and let our body feel it, and maybe do some somatic shaking, you know, to kind of let it process. Yeah, yeah, we, we have more capacity, more resilience to move through it.
Leah:Yeah.
Willow:are some of the patterns, like some of the primary, um, patterns that you see in your work with these with women?
Meleah:Yeah, so we often look at internal patterns and external patterns. So internal patterns would be how you feel, the things you say, how you show up in relationship, essentially. So, um, some examples might be in conflict, I, you know, if something bothers me in relationship, I'll withhold it. rather than saying the thing, and then I become, uh, like, snappy, kind of bitchy a little bit later because it's coming out. Like, we look at, like, your conflict or communication patterns. Um, the external patterns are obviously Essentially, patterns and the partners you've attracted up until this point are your current partner. So he's emotionally unavailable, he's scared of commitment, he's really defensive when I bring anything up, he, um, he's, um, like, not willing to have these deeper conversations. So, of course, the, the, those external patterns reflect back to something internal. But it is interesting and important to look at the external as well. Um, so a lot of times with my specific work, it looks like attracting men who are passive, who aren't really ready to step up and kind of take the lead in relationship. And then internally, it's fear of commitment, fear of intimacy. And those honestly aren't super obvious to my clients when we first start working together because they'll say, I want a healthy relationship, you know, but when we look at why that's not happening for them. It is a fear of commitment. It is a fear of making the wrong choice. It is a fear of intimacy, meaning the vulnerability that's required to have the intimacy that people, that they really desire.
Leah:Yeah, that makes sense.
Willow:So what would you say if a woman was coming to you and she, um, you know, she has been vulnerable, put herself out there, opened her heart and been, um, devastated multiple times over? I feel like I have a lot of clients who, you know, they, they come in every three months or every six months, you know, and it's like, they don't, they don't do my full program. I'm always I'm trying to convince them to but they'll come in for treatment or for acupuncture or something, you know, and, um And it's like another one bites the dust, that's kind of the, the mindset and the mentality and the feeling and the vibe that comes through for them. And I always, you know, I, I know some of these women pretty well and they do really open their hearts. They really do go deep and get vulnerable and, um, still, you know, for whatever reason, the relationship doesn't work out.
Meleah:Yeah, this is usually more of an issue of choosing the right partner. Um, I think in general, it's also okay if a relationship doesn't work out. You know, if a lot of people will say, another failed relationship. And what does that mean? Like, did you love well during the relationship? Then maybe it was successful. And it's just time for you to go your opposite ways. Um, but in general, with these types of women, it's more of a, an issue of who you're choosing for partnership. So a lot of times, women feel like the problem is, Okay, I need to start identifying these red flags earlier on. Well, yeah, that'd be great, but you know, if a breadcrumb tastes like the whole bakery, you really don't have much of an interest in identifying these red flags because you're so focused on the potential of what this relationship could be.
Leah:Mm.
Meleah:So it comes back to yourself and your self worth and your ability to trust yourself and your ability to really own your the bigness of your desire. Because if you have a desire, we all have different desires. Some of my clients want to just have more of a casual relationship and meet great men or even open relationships and some desire long term committed love. So if that's your desire, who you're choosing as a partner early on in the dating phase really matters. And so getting to a place where you can say no to people who meet most of that desire but not all of it, that's, that's not it. So we need to say no thank you, it's just not the right fit for me. That's the hardest thing for people to do. They want to hold on to love because of the sort of a, um, I see it as lack, you know, this, I do, yeah, exactly, you know, if I let this go, when will the next one come? Like, maybe this is the best it's gonna get, maybe, and then they settle, and then it ends, and then they, they get to confirm their belief that it never works out for me.
Leah:mm hmm,
Willow:Mm hmm.
Leah:yeah,
Willow:Yeah, that is a pretty strong pattern for many.
Meleah:Yeah. Yeah. So it's, you know, if we can really come to that place of it can be this good and it can, and it can get better, you know, for me, um, it was about two and a half years ago where I, when I met my fiance who I'm with now, who I feel is, you know, my, my person. And, before I was with him, before I even knew him or met him, I was in a different relationship. And in that relationship, it was mostly good. Like, there wasn't any big problems. We weren't fighting. Uh, we had a fine life together. But the theme in there was, I was sacrificing the bigness of my desires. Like, I wasn't feeling this deep connection. And I constantly was asking myself, is this it? Like, is this it? Is this really it? You know? And so finally I got so honest with myself and I was like, no, this is not it. And no one's going to magically just walk into my life and be like, here's all of your desires. So I have to be the one to do that, which means I say goodbye to this person and I hold the vision for myself. Literally, I left that relationship in the next day. I met my now fiancé, which I know is a quick, it's a quick turnover. But it's just kind of beautiful how the universe will work with you when you take ownership of your own life and say, okay, you know, I, I'm the only person that's actually gonna, um, That my desires are important enough to go after.
Willow:Yeah, absolutely. I think that that is, that, that's the piece right there is taking responsibility, you know, really, um, seeing your relationship as it is. If it's, if it's not everything that you desire and want it to be, there's so much fear in walking away from those relationships. And yeah, it doesn't always happen the next day. You know, it's not always that quick turnaround. And, and that doesn't mean that you don't have clarity and you're not manifesting well or whatever, you know. It just means that like the timing hasn't come around yet, but if you trust and you believe and you have that clarity of what it is that you're really calling in, then you can, um, you know. Trust in the timing of it. I think there's also the timing of the other person too. You know, I'm kind of sitting with that right now myself and it's like, well, who knows what the timing is for them? Like what's going on for them right now? What are they
Leah:Yeah, what are they
Willow:or going through in order to be ready, in order to be available?
Meleah:Yeah,
Leah:too. I think also like the word faith comes to mind. It's remembering that even when you might be your most negative or you might, you might feel really afraid that it's not going to happen for you. Um, whatever that thing is, it just makes you fucking feel bad that like another one bites the dust
Willow:Yeah.
Leah:be able to have faith that, um, you know, It will get better, and you will meet the love of your life, and it's not over for you. And I think sometimes that's hard to do, but it's pretty magical when you can return back to faith because it softens, I think it softens some of the hurt, or the despair, or the loneliness, whatever the case may be.
Meleah:Yeah, and your only job is to meet that. You know, because those feelings will come up of like, Will it ever happen for me? What if it doesn't? Uh, you know, like those moments, and it doesn't mean that. You're not in the high vibration and doing it wrong. It's the opportunity to meet that as it is, meet yourself as you are. And, and that's the true work of partnership. And that's the true work of, um, becoming the woman or becoming relationship ready, like becoming the woman who gets to have this type of partnership, like, can you be so devoted to that partner now, even before you've even met them? You know, like, what would that look like? Like, start embodying the partner you desire now. Don't wait. Because it's gonna be really hard, like there's a whole new, whole new initiation to go through when you actually meet the person, you know, so start practicing that
Willow:Yeah. There's, um, something that I've been in the practice of lately is like, how would I do what I'm doing if I had that? How would I unpack and move into this new house differently, you know, how would I, how would I do everything differently if that was
Leah:how would you nest? Right, right. I think, um, there's this woman, a friend of mine turned me on to, I don't remember her name, she's on Instagram, but the thing that struck me about what she was doing is she, she wrote a letter every day to her future husband. And just sharing her life with him and from a journal perspective, sharing her hopes and her dreams and her sadness and her anger and like whatever is going on in her life, she was practicing including him in it. And I thought that's really beautiful. I really like that idea. Yeah. Right.
Meleah:like, and that's the thing, like, don't wait until you find the right person to start being romantic and letting yourself tap into those feelings, like if you want more romance, if you want more pleasure, like whatever it is, you can give that to yourself, you can create, you can take yourself on the date, you can, you know, do those things, buy yourself the flowers and feel those feelings in your body. One of the things I have my clients do is, uh, to create a playlist. So similar to that, you know, similar to writing the letter, but create a playlist for your future person. All the love songs, like the vibe, the, uh, connection you'll share, the songs you want to share with them. Make the playlist and then you play it, you know, every other day or whenever and feel those feelings of the first time that you meet and your first kiss, like tap into that now.
Leah:Yeah, yeah, I really like this idea of like you're practicing being in that relationship, even though they're not there yet, and to treat yourself the way you want them to treat you, which is exactly, buy the flowers, you know, get the expensive perfume, baby.
Meleah:Yeah.
Willow:Yeah. Yeah.
Leah:Yeah.
Willow:And, you know, I think if you're, if you're very skilled, if you have a good, if you really can like be a master of your emotional body, you know, if you really can, um, Be present with those emotions that you're feeling and and work through them as as you've been talking about Meleah Then you can even take some of those really high experiences that you've had in past relationships and bring them into that feeling of like oh, it feels like this except way better, you know, it feels like this except so much more solid and secure Yeah,
Meleah:Yeah.
Leah:I think too, like I'm noticing value in going, okay, when we can process our emotions and be with them and like go deep, be in the deep waters of all of this. What we're also setting up in a future relationship is your ability to know how to process, your ability to be there during tough times because you're willing to feel those things. Your skill at being self-reflective and, and considering. How would I do that differently? I think all of that can be really important to a relationship is being able to own your shit in a relationship. Makes, you get to cut down on conflicts when you can just own your stuff. It's so disarming. I'm married and um, you know, there are times when my husband is like going off on something and I feel the defense come up. I want to push back. And I really try to practice just going, I can find it. I can find what you're fucking saying right now. I don't like it, but I can see it. And it may not be the example he's giving me. Maybe it was an example from 15 years ago. That I was like, oh yeah, I've behaved that way. Oh yeah, I've reacted that way. And then there's nothing to fight with, because you just admitted it. Like, yeah, I can find it. I see it. It's like, oh, well, well, good. And it just, so I think also what we're doing in preparation. I'm doing this deeper work. It prepares us for being a better partner. If you want a great partner, be a better partner.
Meleah:So true. That is so the amount of emotional resilience and capacity it takes to in that moment with your partner say, just to be able to own your. And, you know, and there's even sometimes, you know, I'll notice my partner is kind of projecting onto me, you know, but what you, wouldn't it be useful in that moment is saying, hey, you're projecting on me.
Leah:Never works.
Meleah:no, it does not work. So instead, you know, just Holding and listening, and then I just validate him. I say, yeah, I understand why you would feel that way, because that's what he needs in that moment. It's his little boy self having a moment. And then when we're regulated, we'll come back and we'll say what we need to say. But in that moment, I don't need to say, well, actually, this is your inner child, and this is your, you know, you're projecting, it's like, okay, honey, I hear you, and it's okay to feel that way, and I'm here with you, and I'm so sorry, you know, and then he's like, okay, and he softens. You know. So there's so many layers that actually come up in relationship and that emotional capacity is everything. Otherwise, we're going to be fighting against each other and trying to get, you know. What happens in conflict is my, I'm trying to protect myself and then, you know, partner is trying to, uh, protect themselves. And now we're just fighting against each other, trying to get our defense mechanisms to keep us safe. And it's like, what if we. stood side by side and instead of fighting each other, we, we face the problem together. It's like, okay, this is the issue. Let's fight the issue. Let's not fight each other.
Leah:Yeah, yeah. I'm guilty of that one. I, I have a tendency to fight Matt and he's the one, thank you, in his wisdom that goes, you know, I'm not the enemy here. We're going to tackle this out here together and to sit side by side looking at the problem. That's hard to do. Well, I should say, it's hard for me to do. Um, and it's a valuable thing to learn for sure. So I'm curious, Meleah, do you work with couples or do you just, just women? Like, and do you do classes or is it one on one?
Meleah:Yeah. So I I mainly work with women within Radiant Relationship Academy, which is the mentorship program, the three month program. When I do private sessions and one on one, I work with, honestly, it's mainly women, but I do have, uh, some male clients and then a handful of, um, couples as well. So, so I'm, I'm, uh, available to work with couples and men, but mainly my work is focused around women at this time. Um, and then I do workshops in person and retreats in person. And those are for just women at this point. Um. So yeah, it's, it's absolutely fascinating and just so beautiful to watch the unfolding and the softening and, um, just what's possible, you know, when you prioritize your, your love life in this way, when you prioritize yourself in this way, I think it's so different, you know, some, a lot of women, again, that I work with, they have whatever you're thinking of from the ending, we're doing it for you. Getting thier doctoriate or prioritizing their educaton or thier career. And so when they pause and they say, you know what, I actually want to prioritize myself and my, my love life, it is so powerful. Because then you see them really coming into that feminine space and then their whole life feels the impact of it, you know. And I think it's also really interesting the impact that when women do the program Radiant Relationship Academy, some of them are ready to attract their person, some are in a relationship and they want to deepen it. So just one person in the relationship choosing to do this work the impact it can have in the relationship. Oh, it's incredible.
Willow:So where can our listeners find you?
Meleah:Yeah, so Instagram is the best. I'm very active there. It's at@Meleah_Manning. Um, where else? Uh, my website is www.SistersThatStray.com. Um, hopefully all this will be in the, in the show notes, but yeah, Instagram is the best to just connect and say hi and get a little taste of my work.
Leah:And I understand you have a free gift. You've got a master class?
Meleah:Yeah. Yes. We got a masterclass. It is like, I think it's just an hour long and it really goes through the process of identifying the patterns, the process of actually overcoming them and then what's required to, like we've been speaking about, become the woman who gets to have that relationship. Um, so it's sort of a taste of my work and if you really show up for that hour, like you're going to get so much out of it that you can start to apply now. So yeah, just click the link, you'll put in your email, you'll get it straight to your inbox, and you can watch it at any point.
Leah:Wonderful.
Willow:so fun,
Leah:Well, thank you so much for being here. Just a delight.
Meleah:Yeah, it was a delight. Thank you so much, ladies, for having me.
Willow:thank you Meleah.
Meleah:Thank you.
Leah:All right. Love, love, love y'all.
Announcer:Now, our favorite part, the dish.
Leah:Well, dishing on Meleah Manning. What a lovely woman. I really love her pace. Um, uh, she's clearly done a lot of beautiful embodiment work on herself. And, um, you know, it's a smart cookie. She feels like a sister from another mister, frankly.
Willow:Yeah, I really, you know, her work is so similar to mine in that we work with women on, on coming back home to loving themselves and really finding their way. Um, so I think, you know, any, any woman from any walk of life who is, whether you're in a relationship or you are, um, looking to co create the, the right ideal relationship in your life, this practice of self love and being able to, come back home and back to your center and back to your own heart and understand what real sovereignty is as a practice, as a woman walking through the world, um, will take you so far in, in um, In your relationships. So, um, I just love that she's, you know, she's doing this and the, the women that she's focused on, there's so many of them, especially, um, you know, on the east coast where she lives. So I think it's fantastic to, the more that we have, you know, women's having had already walked through this, helping other women who are trying to find their way through it, I think, the better.
Leah:Yeah, yeah, I agree. You know, one of the questions I wish I would have asked her is what's a book she recommends to her students? Um, I love that question. It's always exposes, um, really great books to myself and to the audience and it's always fun to find out. I was
Willow:maybe we can ask her an email and pop it in the show
Leah:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, also curious who she studied with, you know, because so much of her content seemed really familiar, uh, but I think, um, I think her students must really get a lot of, a lot out of her work because if you can walk away with a sense of self trust and being less afraid of your emotions and knowing how to process them and knowing how to self regulate, I mean, that's huge. Um, we should all get that Learning in school. I mean, I suppose in kindergarten they give us a few self regulatory, uh, tips, but, um, I'm sure it's gotten better. Who knows? In any event, thank you, uh, sweet Meleah for being on the show. And if you have had a journey, dear listeners, of, overcoming heartache, cultivating self trust, discovering your own self regulation tools, finding love again, and your own tips and tricks for that. Please share them with us and, uh, and tell us what you know.
Willow:Yeah, we always love to hear from you and we always love to learn from each other. So we're, we're always offering what we know and we love to hear what you know because it expands the entire repertoire for all of us. So much love, everyone.
Leah:Catch you on the flip side.
Announcer:Thanks for tuning in. This episode was hosted by Tantric Sex Master Coach and Positive Psychology Facilitator, Leah Piper, as well as by Chinese and Functional Medicine Doctor and Taoist Sexology Teacher, Dr. Willow Brown. Don't forget, your comments, likes, subscribes, and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together.