Leah & Willow: From Whispers to Moans - How to Transform Your Intimacy with Words | #115

Ever wondered why some intimate words make you cringe while others turn you on? In this juicy episode, we dive deep into the power of sexual language and how it shapes our intimate experiences. Whether you're shy about speaking up in bed or ready to explore new ways of expressing desire, this episode gives you practical tools to enhance your intimate communication.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS ✨

• Why the words we use matter (from sacred Sanskrit to modern slang)
• How to navigate both pillow talk AND dirty talk authentically
• The real scoop on the 5 Love Languages and why they matter in bed
• Why age has nothing to do with great sexual communication

EPISODE LINKS *some links below may also be affiliate links

• Book | The 5 Love Languages - by Dr. Gary Chapman
• Quiz | Strengthen relationships: Love, Anger, Apology, and Appreciation 
• Practice | Pillow Talk Questions

ROOTED IN DESIRE. A Journey Back to Your Feminine Essence If you're a heart-centered woman ready to embody your femininity, awaken your sacred sexuality, and fall deeply in love with yourself, this immersion is for you. Register: https://www.sexreimagined.com/rooted-in-desire

THE MALE GSPOT & PROSTATE MASTERCLASS. This is for you if… You’ve heard of epic anal orgasms, & you wonder if it’s possible for you too. Save 20% Coupon PODCAST20. 

Transcript

SxR Announcer 1:50

Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show.

Leah 1:59

Welcome everybody, this is another episode of Sex Reimagined, and we've got a juicy one for you today.

Dr. Willow 2:07

Yeah, we had so much fun and there's really so much to talk about when you start talking about the language of love and the language of sexuality. There's really a myriad of possibilities.

Leah 2:20

We really hone in on dirty talk and pillow talk, how they're different, how they're both important. We talk about the psycho linguistics of language and the love languages. The Love Languages. I'm sure most of you by now have heard of them. We've been using them for a long time in our work and it's a gorgeous concept. I think it really helps a lot of people and we hope it'll help you too.

Dr. Willow 2:46

The Five Love Languages. If you have not read that book, you're going to, you're going to love this episode and you're going to hear me say, go get that book

Evolution of Sexual Language: Personal Growth Stories

Leah 2:53

what I hope really turns you on is going to be the dirty talk conversation and the pillow talk. I hope it's really revealing. I believe you'll be fascinated by the power of words

Dr. Willow 3:05

it's, one of the things you'll hear us say is how the most important sexual organ in your whole damn body is all the way up in your head. So when you get turned on by language, by dirty talk, by that loving sweet energy of pillow talk, that is what brings forth the kind of magnetic and magic sexual experience that we're here to bring forth.

Leah 3:33

And I think it was interesting how we can be at different stages in our readiness to explore something like Dirty Talk and how powerful pillow talk is because that is often the first place that you may want to engage to open up your throat to get more comfortable with this language of love. And sometimes we need to heal some things before we can move more authentically towards dirty talk. So here's to all this sexy, juicy things coming outta your sweet mouth in the hour to come. Enjoy. Enjoy. Hey Willow.

Dr. Willow 4:07

Yes, Leah,

Leah 4:09

I think we should Pillow talk.

Dr. Willow 4:11

Oh, I love pillow talk. It's so romantical.

Leah 4:17

Yes. There's a long history of pillow talk in the East and the mystics of a time gone past. Always spokeN with such beauty.

Dr. Willow 4:30

Oh, so poetic.

Leah 4:31

And very different than what we do today.

Dr. Willow 4:34

Yes. Pillow Talk versus Dirty Talk could meet not be more different opposite ends of the spectrum.

Leah 4:41

However we like'em, both.

Dr. Willow 4:44

They both are a turn on to different Chakras of the body.

Leah 4:48

Yes. And it hasn't always been that way for me. I think I went through a rebellious phase in the nineties, which is when you and I came of age where I was on this feminist non-objectification of the female form. And I was, really anti anything that appeared sexually demeaning. And so that really included a lot of language. That I don't feel the same way today.

Dr. Willow 5:23

I think there's a real evolution that happens with your language around sexuality and what you're comfortable with as your sexuality evolves, and changes, and grows. I certainly am going through a little growth spurt myself right now, and the things that are coming outta my mouth are shocking me, but they're working.

Leah 5:43

Fun. I also think that our culture has changed quite a bit in the, what has it been 30 years, since the nineties?

Dr. Willow 5:50

True that. There's a lot more freedom to talk about sexuality. So there's more language at large to talk about it and less shame and less stigma around learning sexual languages.

Visceral Responses to Sexual Terms (Audience Call-Out)

Sacred Terms: The Spiritual Side of Sexual Language

Leah 6:08

One of the distinctions that comes to mind is early, early in my career, which would've been 2003, 2004, the conversation at that time was the word pussy being like still a dirty word. And I remember growing up with the word pussy. That was a rude thing you called other boys. Like, boys would tell other boys or men to other men,"You're a pussy." As if that were a put down, right? Like it was a mean thing to say to someone. Which was always confusing to me because then someone would want to refer to the female genitalia as pussy. And I'm like,"wait a minute, why would you use that to put somebody down, if it's this the glorious place that everyone wants to get into?"

Dr. Willow 7:02

That is an incongruent thing in the language of sexuality and language in general.

Leah 7:08

It's a good example of how confusing the messaging is around sex.

Dr. Willow 7:13

Exactly.

Leah 7:14

Another one that comes to mind is,"Sex is dirty, save it for the one you love."

Dr. Willow 7:19

Oh, well that sounds like some good old fashioned Catholic guilt.

Leah 7:22

It does, but now in this more modern era, I'm like, I'm going to save that for the one I'll love, gimme some dirty sex. Like, I don't know if that's simply because we've done these processes in our body? And have explored a lot of sexual healing practices that you start to parse apart the negative impact of things so that it no longer has a charge in your body. If I had never left the Midwest and come to the West Coast, would I feel the way I feel today regarding some languaging? I cannot, know. But I would love to hear from our viewers if they would share, like what comes up for you viscerally throughout this podcast as we explore some of this languaging.

Dr. Willow 8:16

Yeah, let's definitely hear from you. Let's get your feedback because you know, we're curious.

Leah 8:21

I want to take the culture's temperature on this, because sometimes we live in a bubble in the west coast and I want to pop that bubble.

Traditional Yoni Puja: Ancient Practice in Modern Times

Dr. Willow 8:31

Yeah, let's pop that cherry. And for a lot of us, when you start to learn the more spiritual words for the genitalia, the yoni, which means the sacred space. And the lingam, which means the wand of light. You know, those can be really like beautiful descriptions of the genitalia. And also they can feel a little safer to say versus cock and pussy. Which feel a little crass but also carry this interesting turn on. And sometimes I wonder if it's really an innate turn on those words and what they do to our brains? Or if it's based on pornography and what we see in the movies, it's hard to know.

Leah 9:10

It's, well, I think that's the thing about pillow talk is some of this language that we use today in our classes, the reason why I feel so close to them. And I love the idea of pillow talk. I love this language where lovers can embrace being a lover. Not feeling it doesn't pigeonhole you. We get to have the dirty talk and we can have the pillow talk. But when you look at this ancient language, like the word yoni, the word lingam, the word vajra, these are all I believe vajra is not Sanskrit is it? Do you know?

Dr. Willow 9:49

I think it is. Yeah.

Leah 9:50

It is? Okay. So this is a 5,000 plus year old language that's mostly dead. People don't fluently speak it so much, but it's beautiful. The translation is beautiful. And when I first started studying this, it was like, it opened something inside of me because I had a choice. Do I call this part of my body a pussy, that is derogatory, that people use to humiliate each other and disrespect each other? Or do I adopt a language like the word yoni that translates to sacred space? And is 5,000 years old and there are temples and statues and these beautiful ornaments all created to celebrate the magic of what's between my legs.

Power of Words: Empowering vs Disempowering Language

Dr. Willow 10:41

That's right. One of the things they do in India still today is Yoni Pujas. And there's a whole practice that you can do with an actual human being with a Yoni Puja, but it's basically a ritual where you pour libations over the yoni. And in India they've got these statues and these sacred places and you go and you rub the clitoris of the yoni and that's good luck. It's different than rubbing the budha belly.

Leah 11:07

But you gotta back up for a minute, because I have seen the libations on the statues. Yes. But I don't want you to say more about the libations on the body.

Dr. Willow 11:17

Oh yeah. So, okay. in ancient India, little tangent here, Yoni Puja's in ancient India, they will take a virgin so that she is considered the shrine and she embodies the goddess and goes through a whole initiation where she then is embodying the goddess and then she lays back and the whole tribe or community pour these libations over her yoni. Things like yogurt and honey and milk. Of course, she's going to want to clean up afterwards so she doesn't get a yeast infection.

Leah 11:51

I don't care, sign me up, I want one.

Dr. Willow 11:53

But it's beautiful. It's a beautiful practice and ritual. I actually, have a dear friend in Maui who does these regularly, so we'll have to go and do one with her soon.

Leah 12:02

Oh my gosh. That plays into a fantasy like I, I can, there's a, there's rooms up here, that hold certain visual stimuli. Some of it, I don't actually want to engage, but I like the way I feel when I use it to get turned on, and I think there's like what you just described as this ancient ritual then now it sounds like someone's actually doing it in modern day times. Oh yeah. The yoni puja.

Dr. Willow 12:38

Yoni puja. It's a thing.

Leah 12:39

I'm interested.

Dr. Willow 12:40

Let's do it. Maybe we can have her on one of our podcasts?

Leah 12:43

That'd be great. yes. Okay, let's make a note of that. So going further, I think it was really healing for me to be able to go, there's another name out there that represents beauty and sacredness, and I'm going to adopt that. And I'm going to make sure if anyone wants to touch mine, that they know what to say versus what not to say.

Psychology Behind Sexual Terms (Psycholinguistics)

Dr. Willow 13:07

Exactly. So wherever you are at on your journey with language around your body is what you want to have dialed in, and know for yourself, and be able to express that, and share that with the other. You know, when you think about the word, there's so many words for the yoni, the cuchie and the pink taco and, you know.

Leah 14:41

And cunt and cunni.

Dr. Willow 14:42

Cunt! Do you know the word cunt is actually an old English word and it means that's

Leah 14:47

I thought it was German?

Dr. Willow 14:48

I'm pretty sure it's old English, could be. But anyway, it means the birth canal. That's what cunt means. And we've turned it into this like profane thing. It's a birth canal.

Leah 14:58

I know.

Dr. Willow 14:58

Gorgeous. Amazing.

Leah 15:00

And I've heard the word cunni being associated with cunt and I just think cunni, that is so cute.

Dr. Willow 15:07

cunni is adorable. I love that.

Leah 15:09

It's charming! Yes. So I think we have to take back cunt, and many women are. The way that we have reclaimed pussy because-

Dr. Willow 15:17

Absolutely.

Leah 15:17

-pussy has transformed in the last 10 years. and it's women who have transformed it.

Dr. Willow 15:23

That's right.

Leah 15:23

And that's something to be in total celebration of. Because how you refer to something can empower you or disempower you.

Dr. Willow 15:31

That's true.

Leah 15:32

Can leave you feeling like shame and littleness, or dirtiness or can leave you feeling beautiful. Sacred and worshipful.

Dr. Willow 15:41

And sexy and wanted.

Leah 15:43

It's sexy and wanted, ah. All that's valuable.

Sacred Male Terms: From Thunderbolts to Sleeping Giants

Dr. Willow 15:48

I know. The word vagina, just since we're on the topic of names for the Yone's, the vagina is means sheath, right? It's a sheath for a sword. So it's like you put the sword into the sheath. I can't remember the root of it, but it's like, that the sword goes into it. So it's a receptacle for a sword to go into, which is

Leah 16:10

Oh, interesting.

Dr. Willow 16:11

Not so nice of a term for that beautiful sacred space.

Leah 16:16

Although I do like the way sheath sounds.

Dr. Willow 16:20

Oh, it rolls right off the tongue. Sheath.

Leah 16:23

So I like the word sheath, but you're right, it is interesting that there's only one role for the sheath, and that is too house the sword.

Dr. Willow 16:34

Hold the sword.

Leah 16:35

Wow. what we're describing here is what's referred to as the psycho linguistics of language.

Dr. Willow 16:40

Tell us about that. So the word masturbation actually translates to pollute with one's hand. Oh, wow.

Leah 16:50

So when you think about the impact that language has on our culture from a psychological standpoint, it has impact. How you refer to something really will empower you or disempower you on a subconscious level, if not conscious level. And I think masturbation is a really good example of that because look at the centuries of religious shame regarding touching your genitals for pleasure.

Dr. Willow 17:20

It's deep.

Leah 17:21

All of the,"you'll go to hell","you'll grow hair on your palm", all the scary stuff to try to get children not to do it. I had a friend who, her daughter came home crying from school one day."Mommy, mommy." She's like,"honey, what's wrong?""I don't have a penis"."Mark is laughing at me cause I don't have a penis." And her mom goes,"oh sweetie, don't you worry, when you grow up. You can have as many as you want."

Dr. Willow 18:07

I love that.

Leah 18:08

Oh, no, no, no. It was, it it was something like,"oh, honey, don't you worry. You have a yoni and when you grow up you can have as many of those penises as you want", I was like, hi-five mama.

Dr. Willow 18:23

That's too cute.

Leah 18:24

Fun? Yeah.

Dr. Willow 18:25

So adorbs!

Leah 18:27

So psycho linguistics. And so it's why you won't hear me say masturbation very often.

Dr. Willow 18:34

Yeah, me neither. I don't use that word hardly.

Leah 18:36

I usually use self pleasuring.

Dr. Willow 18:38

I like self cultivating. That's what they say in the Tao.

Leah 18:42

Self cultivating. Well, self cultivating means a lot of things in the Taoist system.

Dr. Willow 18:47

It's true, you can cultivate.

Leah 18:49

You can cultivate.

Dr. Willow 18:50

You can cultivate till the cows come home, right?

Leah 18:52

You can be rubbing your belly and you're cultivating something.

Dr. Willow 18:55

True that

Leah 18:56

You'd be brushing your teeth and your teeth be cultivating.

Dr. Willow 18:58

Well it all comes down to Jing Chi, right? It all comes down to sexual Chi because that's what we're constituted of, that's our constitution.

Leah 19:06

So now lingam is another beautiful, ancient word and you translated it to wand of light also wand of God is another translation. And although it sounds like a Chinese chewing gum, so it's not like the sexiest word that could roll off my tongue. Its meaning is really beautiful. And when I think about. Dicks and pricks. We often consider of dumb.

Dr. Willow 19:33

There's a derogatory feel to them.

Leah 19:35

Yeah, like another way that we disrespect people by using that language. Like we really should probably avoid curse words as defining terms of the body.

Dr. Willow 19:52

Did you hear that everyone? We should probably stop doing that.

Leah 19:56

Let's, let's stop calling people genital names. But when I, as I really explored this language of lingam, it was, what would I rather take into me like another pricker dick or the Wand of God or a wand light? I mean, hello?

Dr. Willow 20:14

Of course.

Leah 20:14

Wand of God, please. Yes. Who's stroking you? I definitely want Wand of God, so I love that pillow talk concept. The next one that I think is so gorgeous, I wish I used this term more than I used the word lingam because of the way it sounds. I love Vajra

Dr. Willow 20:37

Vajra.

Leah 20:38

Vajra translates to Thunderbolt and it's also used to refer to the male genitals. It's such a beautiful word.

Dr. Willow 20:46

And it rolls right out the tongue,

Leah 20:48

Vajra. Vajra, such a lovely word, and I think it's prettier than lingam, but I'm so trained to use lingam. I haven't been able to really do the full switch.

Dr. Willow 20:59

And also when you're getting all hot and heavy with your lover, you're like, put vajra in me. I mean, it just doesn't really translate.

Leah 21:06

I don't put your lingam in me either.

Dr. Willow 21:08

That doesn't work either, somehow cock works good for that.

Leah 21:11

I'm like get it in there. Stop. Fuck me now. You know? All the pillow talk goes out the window.

Dr. Willow 21:21

Out the window.

Leah 21:22

Once you're like, really...

Dr. Willow 21:24

You pass that threshold?

Leah 21:25

Yeah, you do. And then dirty is so good.

Dr. Willow 21:28

You go through a door and then it's all dirty from there.

Leah 21:34

There's another term I really love. And it is called the Sleeping Giant.

Dr. Willow 21:40

Oh, I like that one. Yes. For the soft on, right?

Leah 21:42

For the soft on I don't know what. Sanskrit actual word is, I just know the translation is Sleeping Giant, which is so much more powerful and beautiful than another limp or flacid penis.

Dr. Willow 21:57

Oh, how is that empowering?

Leah 21:59

Oh my God, it hurts my stomach. The thought of calling somebody limp or flacid.

Dr. Willow 22:03

Mean.

Leah 22:04

Excuse me? Rude. Inappropriate. But sleeping giant is like, oh, hey there.

Dr. Willow 22:12

I'll see if I can wake that giant up.

Leah 22:15

Or, you can stay asleep, I'll just pleasure myself.

Healing Through Words: Transformational Communication

Dr. Willow 22:17

That's right. And there's so much that you can do with the soft on that you can't do with the hard on that is so pleasurable for a woman.

Leah 22:24

And this is something that people have never heard of before, that you can, I mean frankly, there are some orgasms that I can only have with a soft on because of its suppleness. There's no tissue quite like the tissue of labia or the tissue of a soft lingam like that really elastic, silky soft, just beautiful, gentle.

Dr. Willow 22:51

That's amazing.

Leah 22:52

And I really think there's something very arousing about putting the sleeping giant in one's mouth. And then feeling it get full.

Dr. Willow 23:03

Mm. It's one for the most delightful.

Leah 23:06

I prefer to have it enter soft than I do having to enter hard. Just a little preference. It's a personal preference.

Dr. Willow 23:17

But I like both. But it's fun to feel, because then you get a sense as a woman, or as a vulva owner, you get a more of a sense of what is actually happening? What is actually going on? For the man, when he gets erect, when he gets hard, because actually as infants, one of the first places where we figure out what anything is, is our first place of origin is our mouth. That's why little babies are always putting stuff in their mouth. What is this? Let me put it in my mouth, figure it out, you know, and so...

Leah 23:50

...they're building those reflexes.

Dr. Willow 23:51

And we still are figuring out, like with our mouth, what are things? And so having a soft on go in and then feeling it get hard, it's like you get this whole different visceral understanding of what that feels like for a lingam owner.

Leah 24:06

And there's something about feeling something expand that is really sexy. There's another, actually a Taoist term that I have heard before where the method is go in soft, come out hard. Which implies the process of not ejaculating every time.

Dr. Willow 24:27

Which is a longevity practice and not l not only for your life, but for your sexuality as well.

Leah 24:34

And I'll say this episode is not about non ejaculatory orgasms, but as a little teaser for future teachings. They're a part of the Taoist sexuality and the Tantric sexuality method for youth and regeneration when it comes to those who have penises is learning how to separate orgasm from Ejaculation. That what most male identifying people only know Ejaculation associated with orgasm, have never even heard that you can separate the two. And when you do guess what? You get the potential for multiple orgasms as a man.

Dr. Willow 25:15

As a man, that's pretty cool.

Non-Verbal Communication in Intimacy

Leah 25:18

I know that some of my most dramatic healing and life-changing experiences have been in a process, or a sexual healing ritual, where someone is using really powerful language as they're holding me, touching me, supporting me, holding space for me. It's really amazing how you can use words to transmit and send a message to somebody's psyche that can displace or disrupt negative thought forms, that got embedded at these younger ages when we can be easily imprinted by hurtful words. So, I feel like I spent much of my youth not feeling beautiful, feeling ugly, really thought I was ugly, thought I was a hideous dog. And it's only been through Tantra where someone is supporting me and I'm having an emotional release. Whether that was tears of grief or suppressed rage or orgasm. When someone gives you like a power phrase or word, like you are so beautiful at the peak of a climax, your psyche is the most opened to be influenced. So someone can then imprint your psyche with something that's true, and loving, and powerful. And it starts to disrupt the belief that you could be unworthy of experiencing yourself as beautiful, for instance. You are so lovable. There's so many phrases that we can say with intention that's so loving.

Dr. Willow 27:23

Adorable.

Leah 27:24

You are adorable. You are precious to me.

Dr. Willow 27:27

Precious.

Leah 27:27

You are safe, you belong. I don't want to be anywhere else but here. You know, like just these little darling things, and maybe they sound corny, you know,

Dr. Willow 27:40

But who cares? They touch your heart, they open you up.

Leah 27:44

I mean, you want to see somebody really unfold into some mystical, orgasmic places, say beautiful things to them.

Deep Emotional Connection: Beyond Physical Love

Dr. Willow 27:52

Tell them how their eyes penetrate your soul or your heart. If it feels really corny and cheesy and inauthentic to say these things, start with something that you're like, okay, I can at least say this. And it is one of those fake it till you make it kind of things. Like you just kind of got dive in and start saying them and then they really do feel authentic and true to you. It can be really challenging to learn to use these words, if you come from a family background, a religious background, a societal background that shames you for being soft, you know, or for, not being more of a man or whatever it is.

Leah 28:37

would ridicule that kind of language.

Dr. Willow 28:40

Totally.

Leah 28:41

Again, they'd call you a pussy.

Dr. Willow 28:43

Basically. Exactly. Exactly.

Leah 28:47

And so at first, say it with your eyes. You can transmit the words with your eyes. Put the words in your hands, and transmit them from your heart to your hands, to somebody's body. You'll really know when you free up, when you can get it out your throat. Because so many of us would convey these heartfelt messages, but they get stuck in our throat. We don't want to be ridiculed by the person we're saying them to. So we keep'em choked down.

Dr. Willow 29:22

Yeah, and you can feel that, it like rises in your throat like this ball of blockness and it's an opportunity for you to take a deep breath, go to that place down deep inside where you actually authentically feel like, wow, this person is so precious to me. And, I'm going to just, I'm going to take a chance and I'm going to say it out loud.

Leah 29:48

And these experiences are more possible when you're slowing down your sexual encounters.

Dr. Willow 29:57

Yes. If you're going too far too fast.

Leah 30:00

When you're drilling them, you know, there's not a lot of space for, you're so beautiful to me right now. This is all very slow and still, and you're feeling the energy of something building. You're not just in the friction based process of love making. It's a different state of consciousness that one chooses to develop.

Dr. Willow 30:26

And it really addresses and touches the upper Chakras, like from the heart upward. So it really can ignite the lower Chakras as well but often those terms of endearment, which we'll talk about more in a little bit here, but it can really inspire and ignite this opening. If there's an opening in the shen, in the heart, then there's going to be an opening in the mind. And when there's an opening in the mind, which is the most potent sexual place in your body, then there's going to be an opening in the genitals.

Body Changes & Aging: Maintaining Attraction

Leah 31:01

Feeling deeply sexually, emotionally loved, many people have not explored what that feels like. To sexually and emotionally love someone at that level. That's the playground that we hope to invite people to discover. And it does require, the reason why it kinda feels embarrassing and a little cheesy, and you might want to make fun of it, is because it requires a lot of vulnerability. You know?

Dr. Willow 31:39

And what you said earlier on in our show just now, is when you're in that raw, naked, orgasmic state, it's a vulnerable state, and that's when the patterns shift. That's when the synaptic pathways, the grooves in your brain, from your brain to your heart, to your gut, those grooves that you've been walking for 20, 30, 40 years, those are going to shift in that open and vulnerable state. Because there's no blocks, there's no barriers. So you're in a more expanded, open, available state to actually receive what your lover is giving you. And if as a lover who's giving to somebody who's working on their self-confidence, or they're working on loving their cellulite, and their thighs more, or whatever it is, if there's something that they're trying to get over, then you know you can go to that place in their psyche and be like, your thighs are so sexy. It's so creamy. So juicy, I love digging my fingers into them. And you can really help someone overcome that lifelong thing they've had with hating that part of their body.

Leah 32:55

It's amazing how much we, how many years and decades we spend hating parts of our body. And I think men, especially those that sexually love women, watch over and over again their partner pick themselves apart. And there's grief for them in that. And for you to call it out and say, Uhuh, lay down or get in front of the mirror. Let me strip this down. Let me tell you what I see! And help change the imprint, that negative belief system that robs us from being all that we could be. That belief that we carry with us for decades deserves to be transformed, and you can do it very quickly and easily through intimacy.

Dr. Willow 33:52

You know, and trust.

Leah 33:54

If it kind of feels corny, go ahead and laugh. Enjoy the laughter.

Dr. Willow 33:58

Exactly. Have a good time. It's about playing. This is our playground, as adults, this is how we play.

Leah 34:03

Pillow talk includes laughing and giggling.

Dr. Willow 34:06

Yes, totally. Absolutely.

Leah 34:08

It's not all serious.

Dr. Willow 34:09

No. In fact, most of it isn't.

Leah 34:12

Most of it isn't.

Dr. Willow 34:13

And so sometimes you, maybe you've been with the same woman for 15, 20 years or more and when you first got together, her body was a certain way. Maybe she's now had a kid or two, and now she's maybe going through menopause. Her body's changed, basically. It's not the same as it was. And maybe you have not quite evolved your taste with the evolution of her body. So what then, how do you find find your attraction for her after being with her for so long? Her really giving up a lot of her body to create a family with you. And how do you find that level of attraction for her once again? It comes from your deep commitment to her as a soul. As a valuable being in your life that you have gone through some of your most vulnerable, intimate, deepest places with. And just loving the vessel of her body, the vessel that she's now in unconditionally. I find that, if that is the case where a man's like, oh, but she's not really the same as she used to be.

Leah 35:25

She's not supposed to be.

Dr. Willow 35:27

Yeah, she's not supposed to be. And it's an opportunity for you to find out like, what is attractive about her now? so you get to go back into that curious state, get to go back into that exploratory state. What is really hot about your partner at this point in her journey with her body?

Moving Beyond Goal-Oriented Sex

Leah 35:50

And if you can expand your ability to see there's something ageless that comes up to the surface when someone's really opening themselves to you, and suddenly they're 19 again. And there's a morphing that happens in really deep mystical love making where your beloved con suddenly take on four different ages, all in this two hour love making session. Where you can't believe you get to love them and parts of who they really are emerge. And I love that it kind of has this time lapse, you know, visual to it.

Dr. Willow 36:37

It's like shape shapeshifting. They're shapeshifting right in front of your eyes. It's very magical.

Leah 36:42

Shape shifting. And I think it's okay. look who doesn't, we're obsessed with youth. We worship at the feet of beauty in this age that is just like this brief span of time. and we're always chasing to stay young and to be considered valuable still. And I know that women especially struggle with this need to stay relevant in terms of aging. And it's painful. So I guess what my point is, we're always going to appreciate the beauty of youth. But if you can't expand and mature into appreciating the beauty of wisdom and experience, you're missing the boat to some great sex.

Dr. Willow 37:34

Absolutely. I have couples that I work with who are in their eighties and they have much better, much deeper, much more mystical and phenomenal sex than some of the people I'm working with in their forties. So it's, it's in the inside. It's inside game, inside job.

Leah 37:54

You know, it's funny, that reminds me of this couple they lived in the mountains of Colorado and we would teach in Boulder, and they would come down to say hi to the group. And all their kids had taken the course, their grandkids had taken the course, they had taken the course, and they came to the weekend in their late seventies. And he was struggling with impotence. And they didn't know how to make love anymore because all they knew was a hard cock going inside of a vagina, not a lot of repertoire. And as they learned soft on love making and their whole menu opened up and that was just one item. They would come back to say hi and what they wanted the students to know was that they make love three times a day.

Dr. Willow 38:40

Oh, love it.

Leah 38:41

And they would say, well, we don't have a lot to do. We're in our golden years. Like, yeah!

Dr. Willow 38:47

What else are we going to do all day?

Leah 38:49

We don't got a lot to do, we're bored, so yeah, let's make love. What a great way to spend your time. It makes you look forward to getting older and having your golden years.

Dr. Willow 38:58

It's so good for your body at that, it's good for your body at any age, but it really keeps you feeling like... if you want quality of life in your later years, keep making love. Don't give up on it.

Leah 39:11

We become so goal oriented when we think about sex or making love. We just have one version in our mind of what that is. And we forget the making love part altogether because we're focused on get it up, get it in, get it off. Has everyone had an orgasm?

Dr. Willow 39:29

Sounds like a Gallup. Get it up, get it in, get it off, get it up, get it in, get it off.

Leah 39:34

And I just think that these grandparents are like amazing role models. That in their late seventies they're willing to take a class to learn more about sexual love.

Dr. Willow 39:46

Bravo, bravo to those people.

Leah 39:48

I have these Mormon clients who are again, in their late seventies, and they recently came to me because she could name on one hand how many orgasms she has had in the 50 years of marriage.

Dr. Willow 40:03

Wow.

Understanding Amrita: Sacred Female Energy

Leah 40:04

And the five children they have had. Oh. And about nine months ago, they started learning more about the vulva and the clitoris. And one night she counted, she had 39 orgasms.

Dr. Willow 40:18

In one night?

Leah 40:18

In one night. he's got Parkinson's. And it wasn't with a hard erect penis, it was with digital touch.

Dr. Willow 40:27

And the vulva.

Leah 40:27

And I was just like, we need to have them on the podcast.

Dr. Willow 40:31

Yeah, that bit, let's have them on the podcast.

Leah 40:33

So its never too late.

Dr. Willow 40:34

I don't know anyone who's had 39 orgasms in one night. That's breaking a record and they're in their seventies.

Leah 40:41

In their seventies and they've been married for over 50 years. Gorgeous. It's never too late to learn how to make love.

Dr. Willow 40:49

And it's one of these things that we spend so much time educating ourselves in the western world on how to be successful, and how to manage your money, and how to raise kids. We study how to have kids and how to raise them. There's a lot of books on that. But how often are we actually studying how to be intimate, how to be vulnerable, how to open our hearts, how to speak to our lover in a way that turns them on. These things need to be studied as well.

Leah 41:20

People will hear me say this over and over because I think it's another interesting psycho linguistics moment. Where vulnerable translates to woundable. Another reason why it's so challenging to say yes to it.

Dr. Willow 41:34

Who wants to be wounded?

Leah 41:36

Who wants to be like expose their guts and go, okay, I hope you don't hurt me. This is going to really open myself up.

Dr. Willow 41:43

Sounds like a terrible idea.

Leah 41:46

But it's been said before, you're actually your most lovable when you're vulnerable.

Dr. Willow 41:51

When you're most vulnerable. Aw.

Leah 41:54

So we gotta mature into a new stage.

Dr. Willow 41:58

And since we're on the topic of language, one of the things that I find to be really, really helpful when you're like about to share something vulnerably or maybe you're about to get into an intimacy session with your partner and you're like, I really want to work on dirty talk, or I really want to work on this pillow talk thing. And so you might say to them like, you're thinking that in your mind. And so you might say to them, there's something I want to say and I'm afraid to say it. I'm scared of your reaction. It's hard for me to say. It's very difficult. Saying that by itself is going to diffuse any charge that they would have. They're going to be like, oh honey, oh, it's okay, let me hold space for you. What is it? What is it you want to say? And then you say, oh, I really want to work on this piece. You know?

Leah 42:42

Because the way you did the lead in was, I'm really afraid to say this to you, they're going to be like, you're cheating on me! But really, I want you to say fuck me harder. So it's a good setup.

Dr. Willow 42:58

You can use that in all circumstances, not just in the bedroom. Let's get into the Five Love Languages.

Leah 43:05

Okay. Oh, you know what, I got one more for you.

Dr. Willow 43:10

One more.

Leah 43:11

The word Amita....

Dr. Willow 43:14

ooh, good one.

Leah 43:15

Compared to squirting. So different.

Dr. Willow 43:19

So different.

Understanding The Five Love Languages

Leah 43:20

So if you are familiar or have heard about the female Ejaculation, we'll do a whole discourse on that one day. What they refer to as Amita in Sanskrit translates to divine water. Sacred water, which is very different from oh, did she squirt? Also the feeling of Amrita, that divine nectar, not divine water, but divine nectar being released from your body at a high arousal, orgastic state, when you allow it to just fall, when it just blesses and comes through your body. And it's like the deepest surrender is very different from pushing out and willing the female ejaculation to be impressive as it gushes from the body. Side by side they look very similar. But the feeling is different and how you feel energetically afterward is also different. So with the whole squirting piece, there's a little more of an ego element. It's either you want to be impressive to someone or you want someone else to feel impressive because they were a part of the squirt.

Dr. Willow 44:42

So what is the definition of Amita? Amita is also a Sanskrit word, I believe.

Leah 44:49

It's divine nectar.

Dr. Willow 44:50

Divine nectar.

Leah 44:51

Yes, and it is said...

Dr. Willow 44:53

...yes, go.

Leah 44:54

That in order for Amita to happen the blessing of the goddess comes down from the heavens, passes through the crown chakra of the feminine, flows through her or their body, imbues every chakra, blessing it up as it gets released from the yoni out into the world, to bless the one that serves her, to bless the household and to bless the village itself. That is the power of the divine nectar, and it is every woman's birthright. So there.

Three Key Questions for Finding Your Love Language

Dr. Willow 45:34

It's like a... so there. It's like... it's like...

Leah 45:37

nanana, booboo.

Dr. Willow 45:40

It's like a sacred, sacred, special sauce inside of every woman's body. And it makes me a little sad how many women go through an entire lifetime and they never really get to experience amrita in that divine way, or, you know, squirting it all. It's one of those things that is, it's a big journey, for myself. And I think for you too Leah, it was a big journey, right?

Leah 46:06

Yeah, there's so much that comes through that process and it's filled with so many hopes, expectations, disgust, concern, ego, the dissolving of the ego. There's so much connected to it as an experience. I also think though, that sometimes amrita comes in other forms. Like I think there's a place within our tears that is very much connected to amrita.

Dr. Willow 46:38

And under the tongue too, there's glands under the tongue that just get really juicy in the back of the throat too.

Leah 46:45

Yes.

Dr. Willow 46:46

all this juice can come out of the back of the throat when it's penetrated.

Leah 46:50

Yes.

Dr. Willow 46:50

Very powerful.

Leah 46:52

We've got some good future episodes to unpack, amrita for sure.

Dr. Willow 46:56

I think these are more like programs.

Leah 46:58

And I think like the orgasms that can happen in the Chakras. Just, just a little, you know, again...

Dr. Willow 47:05

A little seed?

Leah 47:06

A little seed. There's only a couple of Chakras you can go to the center of and I'll leave it at that.

Dr. Willow 47:15

Okay.

Leah 47:17

So Love Languages.

Dr. Willow 47:18

Five of them. According to our friend Steven, what's his last name? We can't remember.

Leah 47:26

The author? Gosh, it's usually right at the tip of my tongue, but I just happen to have their website right here so I can tell ya.

Dr. Willow 47:33

Such a great book. If you have not read or listened to The Five Love Languages, do not pass go.

Leah 47:40

Dr. Gary Chapman.

Dr. Willow 47:42

Oh, Gary Chapman. That's right. Thank you Dr. Gary Chapman for this. Amazing.

Leah 47:47

Hat's off to you Dr. Chapman.

Dr. Willow 47:49

Yeah, so well done. I actually really enjoyed listening to the book. And I actually give this to a lot of couples to listen to together when they are really not communicating well, so that they can at least figure out what each other's love languages are. And the, general one, it's like, what does the person value? What's the most valuable thing to them? What makes them feel valued? And so the five love languages are: gift giving, words of affirmation, physical touch, affection... help me out...

Leah 48:22

acts of service,

Dr. Willow 48:23

acts of service,

Leah 48:24

and quality time,

Dr. Willow 48:25

quality time.

Leah 48:26

And there's a three questions I think are the most powerful to ask yourself and your loved ones to figure out what their love languages are. They also have apps and there's quizzes on the website, but one is what touches me the most? Like when this language is shown to me, what gets in? What do I actually, what is like a drop? What's a deposit? Another question to ask is, how do they speak their love language when they really want to show their caring? What love language do you/they lead with that will give you insight into which love language has the biggest impact on you/them.

Dr. Willow 49:14

So what their love language is. And a lot of times what happens in relationship is we speak what we value, what's most important to us, to the other person. And then we're like, how come they didn't receive my love?

Leah 49:26

And naturally most of us end up partnering with someone who speaks a different love language, because that's what we need to learn.

Dr. Willow 49:34

Exactly.

Leah 49:34

I love that it works out that way actually.

Dr. Willow 49:37

What's yours, Leah?

Leah 49:38

So mine has evolved and changed. Mine used to be words of affirmation and gifts. And now acts of service is primary.

Acts of Service as Expression of Love

Dr. Willow 49:52

Me too. I love me some acts of service.

Leah 49:55

And it's fun to explore. Like why? Why was it that gifts? There's actually some judgment I think people face when gifts is their love language because people sort of, I don't know, I guess people judge it. It's because it's so materialistic. And when I was looking at gifts being so valuable to me, I grew up with not a lot, you know, we didn't have a lot as a family. We were always struggling financially. But my mom was so beautiful, she's such a good mom. And she would capitalize on holidays. We didn't get new clothes. We got one item of new clothing on Valentine's Day, on Easter, you know, so she would pick these days to celebrate you and give you something that you really needed. We didn't get to have like random shopping sprees so she wouldn't make every little holiday meaningful and special. Like on your birthday you got the, you are special plate and it was red. And she'd make you anything you wanted for dinner and any dessert. And we all had our favorites. And so it's these little touches, this was like a gift. This is the way that I knew my mom loved me and adored me. She couldn't say yes most of the time. But she made an impact on those special days and occasions that she could, and she would save up her money. And she would really wanted to give you the thing that you really wanted. And so I think that had a big impact on me. And as I was coming of age and being sexual, I tended to date broke dudes.

Dr. Willow 51:39

What's up with that?

Leah 51:41

And then when I had like the first relationship with someone who could treat me to things. Oh man. It went in so deep. I felt really impacted again. And so it makes sense, right? When you take a look at your story, it makes sense. If you were deprived of touch, or maybe you came from a really loving, affectionate family, it would make sense that affection and touch could be your love language, whether you had a lot of it or not enough of it.

Identifying Love Language Through Complaints

Dr. Willow 52:09

Exactly. Looking at your history really and how you grew up really can translate into what you value and what the love language shows up for you at this point in your life. And like you said, then it's evolved and it's morphed into what it is now, which is acts of service. Which is also a gift in and of itself.

Leah 52:28

Totally.

Dr. Willow 52:28

It's just a different style of gift

Leah 52:30

And what I like about having this conversation with partners, children, best friends, new lovers, old lovers. Is it's an open-ended conversation. It's a conversation that allows people to connect and talk story. So tell us a little bit about your genesis of love languages and which ones have impacted you.

Dr. Willow 52:54

My love languages. Well, it's interesting my mom also was the gift giver because she grew up in a family with 14 brothers and sisters. So she never had anything to herself and if she ever did, it was stolen and ruined and so the stories go on and on. So giving things really was always a very, very strong way for her to show her love. So actually, and she had some means to do that. So I actually grew up with a lot of like things so for me, gifts have never been one of my love languages. I've always been like, I don't need anymore things. You know, like, do something for me, dammit.

Leah 53:33

You are also really good at getting rid of stuff.

Dr. Willow 53:37

Yeah, I'm not a thing person.

Leah 53:39

That's great.

Combining Love Languages for Deeper Connection

Dr. Willow 53:40

I don't want all that stuff. I can't take it with me when I go. certain friends of mine, they're always giving me these gifts, and it's so adorable and so sweet.. In fact, recently a friend of mine gave me a whip and I was like, oh my God, what am I going to do with this? I didn't even know I wanted a whip, but now I have one, I'm glad I do. You know? But they come up with these crazy things. But for me, it's always been acts of service because I can think. clearly, and I can like function better if my space is cleared and the pillows are just right. And the dishes are put away. I studied Chinese medicine for four years before I would have a study session, I would sweep the floor. There's no way I was going to study with a dirty floor, one thing on the floor, I couldn't concentrate. So there,

Leah 54:25

that's a good habit.

Dr. Willow 54:27

Yeah, it was a good habit. So it just brings value to my ability to be focused and centered and concentrated when the trash is taken out, or the dishes are put away, or whatever, all those kind of little things around the house. I also just love it. I think I also grew up with a dad and two brothers who were super handy and they would just fix the faucet and put the window pane in and whatever. They could do stuff. So having a man around who's handy and can do stuff like that. I find value in that in the partner. In the partnerships that I've been in where he doesn't, you know, because your love languages can work for you and against you, right? And so when he doesn't, I'm like, oh geez, what good are you? You know? That can be the mentality that I go to, God, I have to hire a handyman. Can't you do it? You know?

Leah 55:21

I think that's a good segue because the other thing I was going to ask you about was what is the love language? And this is a good question to ask your partner, is what do they complain about not getting? Mm. I always attract partners whose love languages touch and quality time. And those are my two weakest.

Dr. Willow 55:45

I love it.

Introduction to Dirty Talk: Breaking Barriers

Leah 55:45

I have a hard time speaking both of those. I have to be very intentional and conscientious to go, am I caressing and being affectionate enough? Am I taking, like, having that pause? Am I giving them my undivided attention? I've got that A.D.H.D. like, things are always moving around up here. So those are my two weakest. How about for you?

Dr. Willow 56:11

My weak one is words of affirmation. It is hilarious actually, because I'm a glowing ember of words of affirmation to everyone in my life except for my partner. I'm like, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but it can't, it's not coming. I can't pour it out. I can write 10 pages of a note to a friend of how amazing and wonderful they are. But then to my partner that was the biggest challenge. And of course, that's the one they wanted the most and valued the most.

Leah 56:44

What I learned in one of my relationships that was extremely insightful, was my love language was words of affirmation. And so I would be so effusive about noticing their brilliance and how much I loved this and loved that about them. And it would just go right over their head. And I'm thinking, geez, if I got a compliment like that, I'd be on cloud nine. Like it's not landing. It's not landing. Why isn't it landing? Well, their love language was touch, so I noticed if I was saying those things while rubbing their feet...

Dr. Willow 57:22

then it would land.

Leah 57:23

Yes. And then you get like the whammy. So, I got the satisfaction of my heart speaking and they got it. It got in because I was also offering the language of their heart. And so I want to encourage people to double up. Yes. Try doing two love languages, speaking them at the same time.

Dr. Willow 57:50

Yeah, definitely. And like we were saying before, when somebody's in that literally naked and vulnerable place, when they're in an orgasmic space, that is the time that they're going to be able to receive love languages of any sort, right? They're going to be like, oh, words of affirmation are going to sink in, gifts are going to sink in. You know, acts of service are, all of those are going to sink into them. So if there's one that you do have a hard time giving, or that you wish they could receive more in that space, start to create those new synaptic pathways in their being.

Leah 58:31

So let's say just a few things about Dirty Talk.

Embracing Sexual Expression

Dr. Willow 58:35

Oh, dirty talk.

Leah 58:37

I do want to mention that the love language, Gary Chapman's organization has come up with some new quizzes. One is the Apology Language, another one is the Anger Language. So if you're curious, we'll put in the show notes, the three different links to take some of their assessments, and you can find out for yourself. But we would be really omitting something quite fabulous if we didn't touch on Dirty Talk.

Dr. Willow 59:06

Let's get into the Dirty talk. How dirty should we get on this podcast, Leah?

Leah 59:09

Well, dirty Talk is still an edge for me. I can hear it in my mind. I really like it when someone speaks it to me, but I'm a little shy.

Dr. Willow 59:22

I hear that and I totally understand that you know, coming up from a Catholic upbringing dirty Talk is a far, far, far cry from where I grew up. But I feel like I've reached a new evolution with it only just recently. And it is due to having certain lovers and certain chemistry. I feel like certain chemistry with certain people, not so much that they're like so amazing at Dirty Talk and they teach you how to do it. That's not really it. It's just like, you have a certain kind of sexual chemistry with somebody, and then these words just start coming out. And it's the way that you describe what you want to do to them and they tell you what they want to do to you. This is where phone sex can get really fun, you know, or Zoom, although, I don't know, you gotta maybe be careful on Zoom. But...

Leah 1:00:14

Get a unique link, you know?

Dr. Willow 1:00:17

Get a unique link, private, unique link.

Peak Arousal and Sexual Communication

Leah 1:00:20

Make sure people are in a waiting room. Get your settings straight. That's all we recommend.

Dr. Willow 1:00:26

Get your settings straight. It is definitely like, whoa, can I say that thing? If I say that thing, does that mean I'm a slut? Am I being a porn star right now? What does it mean? And when I am saying these things to this person in this sexual scenario It comes back to that discernment piece of like discern for yourself. So you're checking in with your own soma, your own nervous system on a continual basis like, Am I saying this for pleasure, or am I saying this for ego, or am I saying this because I think they want to hear it? Why am I saying these things? Is it because I'm getting turned on by it? Or why am I not saying these things? Am I not saying these things because I'm afraid they're going to judge me? Or because I'm afraid...

Leah 1:01:15

or judge it...

Dr. Willow 1:01:16

I'm going to judge me? And so that's that checking in with yourself over and over again of like, gosh, is this okay? Is this okay for me to say these things and do these things in this sexual scenario? Or does it mean that I am being some archetype that's, you know, degraded by our culture?

Leah 1:01:36

Which, I have to say man, claiming the inner slut is so fun to like get. You gotta just claim it, to own it, to have it, to fuck it, bend it over, to flip it upside down, to wear it outside and inside. It is a true delight.

Dr. Willow 1:01:54

Oh yes.

Leah 1:01:55

A true treasure. We should really have a sacred slut holiday.

Dr. Willow 1:01:59

Oh, we should.

Leah 1:02:00

Where all the slutty girls get celebrated! And we just give them presents, and we get them limos, and we buy them all the things, and we just shower them with word baths of their greatness.

Dr. Willow 1:02:14

Oh, they're amazing...

Leah 1:02:14

they are under Celebrated!

Dr. Willow 1:02:16

...sexy sluttiness! I agree, I agree a hundred percent! There's a sacred slut within. because it's an expansion, it's an evolution of who you know yourself to be. And when you go beyond your edge, and you go beyond your container of what's comfortable you are evolving. And so that's the sacredness in it. So getting that sacred slut archetype into your body and into your voice

Leah 1:02:42

Where that short skirt....

Dr. Willow 1:02:43

with no panties, by the way.

Leah 1:02:45

That's right. That's right. Or white, white virginal panties that get a little wet. Yeah. That's another mixed message that kind of bridges back to the beginning of the podcast. It's the Be a Good Girl. Don't be like that girl. And there's a whole erotic expression like a whole world can open up when you get to play the part that you never got a chance to explore. And there's a place where dirty talk weaves beautifully into that. And so it takes a willingness to be bold and brave. And to also capitalize on those peak states of arousal because the dirty talk is so much easier for me when I'm at a peak state of arousal and it's being stretched out. That like long elongating of those high levels of arousal and like trying to maintain the threshold is when it just like pours out of me. Like what I want someone to do, and what I wish they would do, and why won't they do it, and do it right now, and God, and then don't give it to me.

Final Thoughts: Creating Your Own Love Language

Dr. Willow 1:03:58

Yes. You know, because that desire is the chi all right there in that desire. Holding, holding. It's so hot, so sexy. And sometimes if you want to practice dirty talk, it's going to be very different if you go stand in the mirror and start saying dirty words then if you are self pleasuring or self cultivating and you're right on the edge of that orgasm and you want to start making the noises, and the sounds of saying the words... pussy. Ahhh, deeper, harder, you know, those kinds of things. When you're in that aroused state, and then when you're with somebody else, it's the same thing we were talking about last podcast is the self cultivation. Like learning these pathways, and these meridians, and these words, and learning these things for yourself so that when someone else enters the picture, you already have a reference for it. It's already in you.

Leah 1:04:53

You've, practiced the embodiment of it, so that it's not so foreign as you choke it out of your mouth. It's like you've opened your throat enough so that it's less awkward, you're less afraid, you feel more free, you've had the muscle memory of just being with it. And owning it and taking some real ownership. It's about claiming some of that sexual sovereignty that you speak so beautifully about.

Dr. Willow 1:05:21

And another thing I want to say, like dirty talk doesn't always have to be these particular words, right? For some people dirty talk is much more like, you know, oh, being with you is so psychedelic or, you know, more like, rumi type of poetic kind of talk between two people because that's the kind of chemistry that they have.

Leah 1:05:44

Right. chemistry's a really good key into what opens up dirty talk when you've got someone who just knows how to unlock that part of you that can go a little raunchy, that can take it all in, that will receive commands. I think when I think of dirty talk, it's like, Do this. Now lift that. Don't do that. Now more of this. And I actually have that part in me.

Dr. Willow 1:06:15

Dominatrix?

Leah 1:06:16

Yes. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. So what's so fun is when you have had your career be in the sexual arts for a long time, isn't it wonderful that there's still uncharted territory?

Dr. Willow 1:06:32

Oh, so much!

Leah 1:06:33

Like, there's so much to uncover within ourselves. And I think the richest experiences is when you get to feel something that you imagine. And so there's something about Dirty Talk that opens up this landscape of like hot sexual movies in my mind. That I.... I've only explored just so much.

Dr. Willow 1:06:59

I know.

Leah 1:07:00

You know? I can't wait to keep on uncovering this landscape of dirty sex.

Dr. Willow 1:07:06

Yeah, there's worlds within worlds and no matter where you're at on the journey, it's where you want to start. You don't want to jump ahead of where you're at, stay with the thread that you're on. Take your time. Stay present. There is no rush. No rush. The goddess never rushes. And we all have the archetype of the goddess inside of us. And she creates new leaves and other leaves die in the perfect time and the perfect order. And you gotta stay with the thread you're on. Don't skip.

Leah 1:07:37

You're always on time.

Dr. Willow 1:07:40

That's right.

Leah 1:07:40

You're always on time and I love that. So in closing... what do you want to close with? What's your final thoughts, Dr. Willow?

Dr. Willow 1:07:50

My final thoughts on Dirty Dog? No, I think creating a language, a love language between you and your partner, no matter what that looks like is really important. Because sometimes the language between the two of you is words. It's actual, phrases and words and how you speak to each other in the pillow talk and the dirty talk and the languages and all that stuff. But then sometimes it's nonverbal as well. So mixing and creating a language that's both verbal and non-verbal is going to really help both of you have more clarity around what's present for you, what's up for you? Because you want your partner to know when you're feeling frisky. And you want your partner to know when you're not, so that they don't drop into a place of shame or something if they feel shut down or turned away from or something. So language is how we communicate. Let's figure out a way to do that with each other.

Leah 1:08:52

I think my parting thoughts is be kind if your partner experiments with something maybe a type of language that ends up turning you off, or you have a reaction to. It takes a lot of bravery and courage to open up our throat and try new things, and say things, and it really can crush like that vulnerable thing. We're all trying to grow into more resilience with. You can really nail it shut with your reaction of disgust, or you're so weird, or why'd you do that? Or, I can't believe you. When your tone of voice is filled with contempt for someone taking a risk, it's really harmful. So do your best to be kind when you prefer not to be spoken to with certain types of dirty talk. Have that kind of compassionate conversation at your soonest availability.

Dr. Willow 1:09:56

Yeah, exactly. I love that. I'm so glad you said that because that can put shame on top of shame, on top of shame when that kind of thing is happening. Let's say someone takes the dirty talk too far and you're not comfortable with it, it's not working for you.

Leah 1:10:09

That closed me.

Dr. Willow 1:10:10

It turned you off. Not on. Then you want to, at some other point, probably not in that moment but later on, give a positive sandwich. You know, I really love you and that we're exploring our sexuality and expanding what we're capable of, and, that particular phrase or language really triggered me actually. And I wanted you to know that just because I want to explore this trigger inside of myself a little deeper, and I know that you're my partner and that you're the one I'm going to look in the mirror with this on. So wanted to bring that to your attention and thank you so much for being an amazing partner and amazing mirror that I can look into. So you want to positive sandwich something positive on the front? Your truth, something positive on the back.

Leah 1:10:57

And also if you notice a reaction, like if you try something new and you notice, Hmm, they didn't quite open to that the way I was hoping. maybe you noticed that they closed, then ask'em afterward. Hey, what was that like for you? I noticed this. Am I on? Are we on? Is that true for you? That can really help open up a conversation and give someone a chance to talk about something that might be hard for them to express. When you show curiosity because you noticed a closing, it can help actually bring you closer together. So these harder conversations can actually weave deeper intimacy between you if you can be kind to one another and be curious. So with that...

Dr. Willow 1:11:40

...with that, we are sending you all so much love. Have fun exploring your language and your conversation.

Leah 1:11:47

Get dirty,

Dr. Willow 1:11:48

Get pillow-y

Leah 1:11:49

Get loving.

Dr. Willow 1:11:51

Get Languagey.

Leah 1:11:52

Get Languagey.

Dr. Willow 1:11:53

check out these quizzes. They're very, very fun to know about. If you haven't listened to his books, definitely check them out and we will be back with you next week.

Leah 1:12:05

Yes, as we say here at Sex Reimagined. Love, love, love, love, love so long.

Dr. Willow 1:12:09

Love, love, love chow.

SxR Announcer 1:12:14

Thanks for tuning in. If the hosts seem to know what they were talking about, that's because they do. Leah Piper is a Tantric sex master coach and a positive psychology facilitator. Dr. Willow Brown is both a Chinese and functional medicine doctor and a Taoist sexology teacher. Don't forget your comments, likes, subscribes, and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together.