Leah & Dr. Willow: Mastering Ejaculatory Choice for Ultimate Vitality and Well-being | #89

Ready to take your pleasure to the next level? In this juicy episode of the Sex Reimagined Podcast, we're diving deep into the tantalizing world of ejaculatory choice. Join Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown as they spill the secrets to unlocking mind-blowing orgasms, mastering your arousal, and supercharging intimacy with your partner.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

• Discover the crucial difference between orgasms and ejaculation (trust us, it's a game-changer!)
• Learn tried-and-true techniques to last longer and say goodbye to premature ejaculation 
• Unlock the power of non-ejaculatory orgasms to skyrocket your sexual energy and confidence
• Master the art of conscious lovemaking to forge deeper, soul-stirring connections with your partner Get the scoop on Taoist wisdom to optimize your ejaculation frequency based on your age and constitution

EPISODE LINKS 

• Online Course | Last 10x Longer 
• SxR Episode #30 | Emiliya Zhivotovskaya
• Tantra Educator | Charles Muir

Free Tantra Happy Hour on Zoom | Oct 2nd @ 4:30 pm Pacific / 7:30 pm Eastern
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Transcript

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Introduction: Exploring Ejaculatory Choice for Enhanced Sexual Experiences

Announcer 0:55

Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show.

Leah 1:04

Well hey there, it's that time of the month where you get Dr. Willow and Leah Piper all to yourself. We are the special guests today and it dawned on us, you know, we have not talked about ejaculatory control much as it's only own episode. And we get so many letters every single week from students who have done our last 10 times longer course, which is really about male sexual mastery and being able to last as long as you want to. So today,

Willow 1:37

choice, as we like to say. So you

Leah 1:40

We actually like choice more than control. So you can have ejaculatory choice because although some experts might tell you not to ejaculate, we believe you should ejaculate some of the time, but not every time. And Dr. Willow, why don't you tell us why?

Orgasm vs. Ejaculation: Understanding the Difference and Benefits

Willow 1:56

Well, most men are in practice of, of having an orgasm and ejaculating at the same time. So 99 percent of the male population thinks That those two things are inseparable, that they have to go together, that when you have an orgasm, you have to ejaculate, but they are two separate physiological functions. You can have an orgasm without ejaculating. That's called a non ejaculatory orgasm. And in our last 10 times longer program, we teach you exactly how to do that. We give you all the tools, all the practices, all the breath work to make that happen for yourself. And it is a practice, something that you have a new relationship with in your own body. And the reason that when you ejaculate as you orgasm, you are sending out 200 million sperm. All those sperm are potential lives. Those could be little human beings in the world. So every time you are sending out of your body all of that potential life. That's a lot of life force energy, and when we look at it from Chinese medicine and Taoist perspective, we say that you are extending your Jing Chi, or your sexual energy, unnecessarily. And it all depends on, sort of, your constitution, and your age, and we'll get into that later, about how many times per week and month and year you should be ejaculating because it's also actually really healthy to release sometimes and to let that sperm flow. So, um, it's, it's the idea behind having ejaculatory choice is not only for your own benefit, your own health, that you could have multiple orgasms. You could have one orgasm after another as a penis owner, If you know how to do it without ejaculating, but you also can, um, choose how long you want to pleasure your, your partner, uh, when you are not at the mercy of that tidal wave taking over you. I would say also it gives you a real level and sense of confidence in yourself that, um, that you, you can master this, that you can master your own body. There are

Overcoming Premature Ejaculation: Techniques and Emotional Healing

Leah 4:26

Yeah, I think so many men don't realize that they can have full body orgasms, and I should say penis owners, so many penis owners don't realize that they can have full body orgasms and be, um, multi orgasmic without those tiring ejaculations that Dr. Willow was referring to. And the other thing that I think is so important about this topic is all of the men, who are suffering because they feel like they ejaculate too quickly. And that's really painful. It's like they, they've, I've had so many clients. This has been an area of expertise for me of really showing men, these wonderful Tantric techniques in the way of breathing differently, pressure points that help delay ejaculation. Like you don't actually have to think about your grandma to stop yourself from ejaculating. There are better methods that allow you to cool down that energy when it gets too hot. And one of the things that I've been addressing in my private work with men is the pain that's associated with the embarrassment of feeling like I come too soon every time, I feel like I've got no control, I want a girlfriend. Or I'm in a relationship and they're very frustrated and so we're avoiding intimacy, or I'm dating someone and then as soon as it starts getting really sexual, I ghost. And I've got a lot of shame about that. And so it's like, here, they want love just as much as everybody else. And yet they have this embarrassing thing that feels humiliating and hopeless because a lot of doctors don't know how to address this. And

Willow 5:57

it is totally fixable,

Leah 5:59

It's fixable and it's, it's actually something that you can fix quite easily if you know and have a couple techniques and it helps to learn these things. It's one of the reasons why we created Last 10 Times Longer is so that you can learn those pressure points so you can learn breath control so that you know how to expand your pleasure potential by understanding your arousal scale so that you can teach your nervous system to hold higher levels of arousal to be able to bask in that versus panic in that. oftentimes feeling like you're a premature ejaculator can often then lead into erectile dysfunction where that anxiety ends up creating a double whammy and then sex is like something that you avoid and um and we can reimagine this we've got tools to really flip that on its head.

Conscious Lovemaking: Deepening Intimacy and Connection

Willow 6:48

You know, one of the other reasons that we wanted to do this episode was was for vulva owners who are with penis owners, who those men actually ha without knowing they're doing a tantric or a Daoist practice, they already are practicing ejaculatory choice. And they're, they're not coming, they're not ejaculating, they'll have sex three or four times, and the, the female or the vulva owner can kind of be sitting there going like, what's wrong with me? How come I can't make him come? How come he's not having an ejaculation? What is it about me that's, um, that's wrong or bad? This is strange, I've never seen this before, I've never experienced this before. And I actually remember the very first time I encountered a non ejaculator. I think I was probably 19 years old because I was attracting those Taoist men early on in life. And I just remember being like, what's wrong with me? Like, what am I, am I not sexy enough? Am I not doing it for him? What is it about me that is, um, causing him to, to not ejaculate? And so when I finally got up the courage to ask that and use my voice at that very young age. He handed me my very first Taoist book and told me all about it. And that's kind of what set me on the path. So I was just speaking to a client recently who was in the same boat. Like, wow, he's just not coming. And he says he's fine with it, but it's weird to me. I've never experienced that. experience, not before with, with a partner. And so I don't, what, what does it mean? And so, when we talked about it and really, she actually saw a whole new perspective of what's going on for him. And you know it was just recently at a tantra event where where an older man I think he was in his 60s for the first time in his life had A full body experience. He was like, I felt like my whole body was my lingam, like my whole body was my penis and I had a full body experience. And this is what's possible when somebody learns ejaculatory choice is that they can start to expand the capacity and the pleasure within them for these really kind of like existential orgasms. They're powerful.

Partnered Practices: Supporting Ejaculatory Control and Energy Movement

Leah 9:11

you know, I was just at a spa with a new friend. So, um, uh, Emiliya, y'all know Emiliya. She's been on the show before. And we were at the spa and she introduced me to a new friend and we've got positive psychology, you know, in common with each other. And so we're chit chatting and doing the girl talk and somehow this conversation came about, uh, Ejaculatory Control and and she was like, well, yeah, but I like love it when my man comes. I'm like, I know we all do. Like, well, most of us do. There's something really, really powerful about a penis owner releasing, like whether that's inside of us, sometimes on us, there can be something very potent and primal and also like, a little bit of an ego boast too, boast, an ego boast too. It's like, I made him come. I'm a success. That's my job. And I think for a lot of women we can hide behind that. It's because it's not always easy for us to come. So if I can make him come, if I can make him lose control, that means I'm adequate. That even might mean that I'm powerful. That means something about who I am as a sexual person. And now if I surrender that and I give him or, or this penis owner back their control. It's like, okay, I'm relinquishing, sort of manipulating your sexual energy so that I can get the ego hit. Now, so there's that, but there's also these times like we take the ego out of it. There are times when a partner ejaculates inside of us and it actually spurs our orgasm on. So the two can go together really beautifully. And it's also another reason why I don't suggest people just never ejaculate again, but that they actually do have times where they have those special occasions. Maybe that's once a week. Maybe that's every three days. Maybe that's once a month. Maybe that's twice a year. Whatever the right formula is for you. We'll talk more about that later. Um, you want to make sure that you're still giving yourself that type of orgasm because the ejaculatory orgasm is a wonderful special type of orgasm as you all know. But there's more and one of the things that I think people get trapped with in is when they start to look for my non ejaculatory orgasm. They think that their non ejaculatory orgasm is supposed to feel Like an

Willow 11:30

Like an ejaculatory orgasm, yeah.

Leah 11:33

but it's a different orgasm. And so you can't compare the two. So I want to set that, say that, and then there's one other thing before we move on from women or from vulva owners and their experience of ejaculation is that there's also another wound. Like the flip side of feeling like, Ooh, I'm a sexual superstar. I can make them come whenever I want. Is the I feel like the depository, like it doesn't even matter that it's me that, that they are ejaculating with. You know, and I think this happens a lot in really long term relationships or really casual encounters tends to be one or the other. It's like women can or vulva owners can start to feel used, abused and misused because it doesn't feel personal. It's like my partner just, you know, it's like, they're just trying to get unstressed. Like they're wanting to release the tension of the day so they can sleep good at night. And, and that has an accumulative effect because the second chakra of all the owners is the most psychic of all the chakras, actually in, in penis owners as well. The second chakra, which is the area of the genitals is the most psychic. It's the most sensitive. It's how we kind of take the emotional temperature, even when we just walk into an environment. So when someone is ejaculating into this really sensitive psychic part of the body, we are picking up energetically all sorts of things. And so that

Willow 13:06

whether it's stress or, you know, a release of, you know, tension that they've been carrying throughout the day, or love. Whatever they're, yeah, whatever they're depositing, it is being received, yeah, exactly.

Infusing Ejaculation with Intention: Enhancing Your Partner's Experience

Leah 13:20

And so I tend to like try to how penis owners realize the impact of the unconscious, like residue that is in that moment of ejaculation. Which could be the residue of just stress and anger at your boss and the traffic ticket you got today, whatever the case may be, there's some subconscious energy there, but you can transform that so that what you end up ejaculating with is think of just, it just takes a second to think of a thought form. Like, may you feel beautiful, may you feel safe, may you feel like you belong, may you feel desirable, may you feel, uh, wanted, may you feel loved. May you feel all the things that you would love your partner to feel about themselves or how they might experience connection with you or how they might experience life in general. You can imbue that because that 200 to 300 million sperm that Dr. Willow was mentioning, you can actually infuse that those little cells with a thought form of beauty for your partner, and let that life force go into her or their system in a way that impacts them with that kind of beauty. And, and I believe that by doing so and being conscious about how you, what you want to ejaculate into your partner, bringing consciousness to that, can add to your partner's awakening. It can add to their experience of pleasure more and more and more. When we don't think to do that, And we go through a 20 year marriage where it felt like our partner just jerked off inside of us every night or every week. And then we wonder, why am I so shut down? Why don't I want to

Willow 16:16

not enjoying sex?

Leah 16:18

Yeah, like, why am I not orgasmic? And now the problem is with her or them going, you're cold, you're frigid. The sex problem in our relationship is your fault. You fix you. And And this is just, this is just one of the, the things that can really disrupt the harmony of a partnership that could go so much further if we knew about some of these energetic, um, consequences. And, and what's wonderful news about all of this, and this is not to blame penis owners, um, or to exalt yoni owners. It's really to say there's partnership opportunity and there's a consciousness opportunity and we can join together to take care of each other in a better way.

Willow 17:02

Absolutely. I mean, you're bringing up such an important, you know, point around, uh, conscious love, making conscious sex, and sometimes when you're in the throes of like, oh my gosh, here comes my orgasm and I'm gonna ejaculate. You know, you may not have the wherewithal in that moment to be thinking, Oh, let me deposit love and belonging and all these things into you in this moment. So that's why it's good to take a pause before you get into the throes of intimacy. Check in with your partner and just say, what's going on for you right now? What is it that you, two simple questions. What would feel good to release and let go of, and what would feel good to bring in and embrace? And then, as you're making love with each other, you can really help them to let go of that thing that, you know, if, if you know the chakra system, then if they're letting go of feeling disempowered at work, then you know you're gonna, you know, work their, their solar plexus and infuse sexual creative life force energy into that solar plexus. If they're saying, oh, I really want to bring in stronger, uh, sense of intuition in my life, you know, then you're really bringing energy up into third eye and crown chakra. So this is why re-imagining sexuality is so much fun, because, I mean, the, the levels of creativity that you can play with are endless, completely endless. I mean, Leah and I will both tell you. We get into situations and scenarios and things with, with partners and with clients that, where it's like, well, I've never done that before. I have never done that before. It's just because that moment and that person and you showing up in your full presence creates a Absolutely brand new experience and scenario there's a Couple of other scenarios that I want to speak to that some of our listeners might be experiencing as well as far as this like not having ejaculatory control. And one is in relationship to vulva owners where She might be like, yeah, I just really just want to get it over with like I'm really just don't enjoy sex that much So i'm gonna make him come as fast as I can And I know the tricks and I know the ways to make that happen for him And what you're doing when you kind of go down that same path over and over just get him to come so I can get This over with That sets up these neuropathways inside of your body and your partner's body that really are, are the opposite of expansive. They're, they're limited and they, um, keep you in a rut and they kind of layer on top of your experience. of not enjoying sexuality and your partner kind of having to go through it real quickly just to get it over with so That definitely I mean, I think probably 99 of all the owners have been

Leah 19:57

a lot of rejection

Willow 19:59

Yeah, for sure. And then another scenario is for

Leah 20:03

that can be a reason If I can just add real quick that can be a reason why some penis owners who have not had any issues with premature ejaculation. I've worked with a number of people as a result of their partner rushing them and like them feeling like, Ooh, they're just doing this to give me relief. They end up becoming premature ejaculators as a result of that. And so it ends up kind of creating a little more dysfunction where there didn't have to be. But we really also in that need to address. What's her desire? What's her turn on? How can we open up her body and support her sexual sovereignty so that she or they are coming to the table because they love it, because they want to, because they like sex. And so a lot of this just points to miseducation, lack of opportunity.

Willow 20:55

Yeah,

Leah 20:56

So go on please with what you were saying.

Willow 20:58

The other scenario that I've come across, um, plenty is where a man or a penis owner has

Transformative Potential: Emotional Healing for Vulva Owners

Willow 21:06

had sexual trauma or sexual abuse from a young age. And so he learned early on, the quicker I come, the quicker this is over with. So that sort of neurological, um, synaptic pathway, those pathways in the body, really just require slowing way, way down, learning how to direct your breath to different places in your body. One of the foundational practices that I teach is, um, everyone really, but it's so good for this, is to, to breathe into your, your kidneys. Your kidneys are in your lower back and when you start to breathe into your kidneys, kidney breathing, you can actually start to draw pleasure into a different area in your body and it's a short pathway from your genitals to your lower back. It's not like you're bringing it up to the brain, though, you can advance to that level, but. All, all of your, all of your energy is not just in your genitals in that, in that scenario. So if you, if you're, for whatever reason, you're having, um, premature or, you know, what, what is premature really? It's, it's basically just before you want to and not having control or choice. So if you, um, if that's something that you're struggling with and really learning how to draw the arousal that you're experiencing into your adrenals, into your kidneys, which is your storehouse for your sexual energy, is not only going to give you more, um, more choice and more control, but it's also going to be filling the bank account of your sexual energy. So, like, let's deposit into that bank account rather than spending from that bank account. And then of course another really, um, common reason that men develop or penis owners develop, um, premature ejaculation is because of pornography and, you know, they need, uh, they need more, they need a bigger experience, they start to see, you know, really extreme porn and then that's all they can, um, come to because that, again, those neural pathways are laid down in their bodies. So a lot of it. It's about rewiring your brain and your body and slowing down your arousal scale. For some people, you know, in the last 10xLonger program we talk about the arousal scale and how to expand it, how to increase it. How to, um, move what used to be a level 5 all the way up into a level 7. So you'll learn about that as you, as you take that course. Great for vulva owners too who want to help lingam owners have more ejaculatory choice. Um, but one of the things that sometimes we need to do is we need to reverse edge. So we're all kind of familiar with edging our arousal scale. Getting close to. Um, Oh my gosh, I'm, I'm at like a seven, eight, nine and 10 as I'm coming. So I'm at a seven, eight, nine. Let me pause, pull back, draw that arousal to my lower back, my kidneys, or some other place in the body. And then, um, and then re arouse again to that level so that I can start to edge my way closer to a level 9 and ride that wave for a long time. But sometimes if somebody's just like, I just like can't even get to like, I'm going from a 1 to a 10, or I'm going from a 2 to a 10, then what we have to do is kind of reverse edge. Where it's like the second you feel any level of arousal, you might not even be hard yet, but it's like, Oh, there's, I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about sex. I'm thinking about arousal and ejaculation. Then you pause at that point and start to draw the energy into your bank account into your lower back.

Leah 27:08

be familiar with edging, edging is sort of the process where you get to the point where you're almost going to come and then you pull back from the edge and then you heat it up again, and then you pull back before you're gonna come again. So it's like how many, the game is like, how many times can you almost get to coming?

Reverse Edging: A Technique for Managing Early Arousal

Leah 27:24

So what you're basically teaching your body to do is to be able to sustain higher levels of arousal, those peak levels of arousal. But you know, one of the things that makes it so fun is because you realize, Well shit, if I come, then it's over, then game over. And that's actually one of the reasons why, um, Penis owners who practice ejaculatory control never go back to the way it was because

Willow 27:47

you think

Leah 27:48

even though in the beginning you think that you're forfeiting an orgasm if you don't ejaculate, what they report is actually, I am so satisfied with feeling full. It's so much more fun for me than being empty, because that ejaculation is also referring to being empty. So if you think about, especially as a man ages, um, there's a refractory period. So after you have an ejaculation, that refractory period before your next erection gets wider and wider and wider. Wider! When you're a teenager, when you're in your twenties. It's not that wide. You can get hard again pretty quick and go for number two,

Willow 28:28

Two hours later, one hour later,

Leah 28:30

right? You probably play the game at some point in your life. How many times

Willow 28:34

many times in a day?

Leah 28:35

in a day?

Willow 28:38

Yeah.

Leah 28:41

can't if you're in your forties, fifties and sixties, except for the rare human. So the point is, is when you think about it,

Willow 28:48

when you're

Leah 28:49

If you don't ejaculate every time, you are actually rebooting. It's like that bank account Dr. Willow was talking about. You are, you're, you're investing in your sexual future. So, it's sort of like one of us calls you when you're in your mid forties, and we are your financial advisor, and we say, My boy, you are running out of money. And I need to teach you how to invest. That's what your sexual energy basically is. Your sexual energy, you're not a perpetual motion machine. It wears out, it gets depleted, it runs out. You got to ask

Willow 29:23

it ages you. That's how we age. That's how wrinkles, I mean, if you look at, um, penis owners who have been doing these practices for 10, 15, 20 years, you will see that they all look at least 10 years younger than they actually are.

Leah 29:41

Yeah, I really think it's the fountain of youth for the masculine. I believe that it totally, because think of it this way. Here's another metaphor. If you're not going to create a generation every time you ejaculate, and you start to realize this life force thing is really true, because why do I feel so wiped out when I spend my energy? When I, when I squirt? If you're not going to create a generation every time, but instead you play with the energy, you play with that money, and you injaculate, you send that energy that would like to go out and create life and instead you, you change the polarity so that energy goes back up into you, replenishing your glands, your chakras, and your organs. Then what it's doing is creating regeneration in you. And doesn't that make sense? Now here's where it doesn't make sense. Your biology is wired to want you to squirt. It is gonna urge you. You have the feeling that could come soon? Charge! Go for it, baby! And, and your body, your biology is, has wired you that way because it is

Willow 30:47

Procreation.

Leah 30:49

in this species. Staying strong and lasting. And so you have to realize, well, you know what? I'm not my biology. I actually am going to choose to be connected to my human spirit. I'm going to use a conscious moment. And this is why this is called conscious loving. It's because you actually have to take a pause and go, you know what? I'm going to find out something different. What if I didn't squirt unconsciously? What if I consciously gave this energy back to myself? Who would I be? If I was filled and full instead of depleted and empty, who would I be in other sectors of my life that are non sexual? How would I be more creative at work? Because what's the most creative thing on the planet? That which actually creates life. I mean, hello, an egg and a sperm makes eyeballs and elbows. It's, it's fucking amazing.

Willow 31:37

potent.

Leah 31:38

It's

Willow 31:38

Chi.

Leah 31:38

potent. And so when you choose actually to give that back to yourself, here's some of the results you will have. Harder erections, you will have more volunteer erections, and your

Willow 31:53

You'll have more energy.

Leah 31:55

replenished. Suddenly, you have energy to complete that honey do list.

Willow 31:59

your heart, and your

Leah 32:01

Yeah, you're more conscious with your kids, meaning you're more present. You're right there with them. You're romantic with your partner. You can't wait to text them cute little emojis because your heart is just so full of love and you're hornier, baby. You want some action. It is so fun to feel juicy, isn't it? Just like when we feel juicy, when we feel connected to our aliveness man, life is more fun. We're more optimistic, we are connected to a sense of hopefulness and joy, and bottom line, we're more present, more real, more available for the people that we love, and that's what penis owners who conquer this say over and over and over and over again, and that's why they keep doing it. Here's the

Willow 32:49

never turn back.

Leah 32:51

They never turn back. The hardest thing is that it's a discipline. And it's a little tricky to learn in the beginning because it requires tenacity, perseverance, and to stay awake in those moments where your body is saying charge. And you say, whoa, I don't want to squander my energy because I want to feel full. And until you really give a number of months invested in going, how do I feel? You can't just practice it once and get enough information to make a lifelong decision. You can't practice it twice and have enough information. You

Willow 33:28

Although

Leah 33:28

practice it for a while.

Willow 33:30

Although I do want to say I've had clients who practiced it once or twice and got it right off the bat. So don't dissuade, you know, try it. Maybe

Leah 33:40

But those people are going to be committed if that happens to them. The ones I'm worried about are the ones they give up too early.

Willow 33:47

don't give up too early. Give yourself at least one try to three months worth of tries, for sure. Um, definitely you want to give any new practice a 90 day, uh, run, because it takes 90 days for a cell to be born, live its life cycle, and die in your body. So there's something about a transformation that you're going for over a 90 day period. Does that mean that you have to do it every single day for 90 days? No, but if you commit to, I'm going to do it three or four times a week for the next three months, Then you are definitely, you are definitely going to learn something about your body. 110 percent guaranteed you will learn something that you otherwise would never know about yourself. So it's definitely worth it. Um, before we get into, go ahead.

Leah 34:38

do want to mention just one more consequence that happens to be for your partner,

Willow 34:42

Mm

Leah 34:43

who's now making love with you. And you're not ejaculating every time. Because there is a phenomenon that happens. Once they get past the, Oh, you're not ejaculating? Am I okay? Is it, I'm still desirable? Like, once they go, Oh no, this is making you more powerful. And I want to be in partnership so that you can make wise choices as a wise person who's exploring their sexual energy and its benefits. Once you get over that hurdle, then what they start to experience because they've now made love with you multiple times and you have not ejaculated, something very deep starts to heal. And it does come back to those experiences where they felt like someone just got off in them, where they felt like someone just jerked off in them, whether that was one night stands, whether that was just a shitty lover or a bad marriage, something starts to heal over because they start to trust. Wow.

Willow 35:39

it's just

Leah 35:39

My partner is coming to love with me for the sake of loving me, for the sake of communing in this beautiful, worshipful way. And it's not just about their selfish pleasure. It's not just about what they can get. It's now we're here in real, in this real, beautiful, soulful way. And it just deepens something it's hard for me even to put words to the profundity of feeling so deeply emotionally, sexually loved because I know my partner's right there. And when you do have an ejaculatory orgasm after you've spent a number of lovemaking sessions not having an ejaculation, when you do have an ejaculation, holy smokes, it is a best ever. Every time. Blows the roof off. Your ejaculation is no longer a sneeze in the groin. It is no longer just a release of tension. It is an event. And it is a celebratory event, and that ejaculatory orgasm lasts so much longer, it is so much deeper, and you feel like a kid again. It's pretty spectacular.

Willow 36:45

It's really profound. It's, it's so worth the journey. And, you know, we teach you exactly how to do it in this program. And we also help people hands on. We help penis owners to really master this technique. And there are, um, there are people out there in your sphere who can hands on help you to master this technique. Now I want to speak to vulva owners who might be sitting here thinking, well, what about me? Can I have these amazing, like, can I build up my energy and my chi if I hold my orgasm in? And the reality is that yes, you can. You

Vulva Owners: Building Sexual Energy and Reaping the Benefits

Willow 37:23

can build up your sexual reserve. You can draw your orgasmic energy to your kidneys, just like penis owners do, it's the same bank account that you have. And you draw that energy into that area, and maybe you pull, like, Three to four to five. I mean, if you want to get crazy, try nine because that's a big Taoist number. Draw nine of these almost orgasms into your kidneys and then don't have the final orgasm. Don't have the over the edge clitoral orgasm that you're so accustomed to having. Instead, you'll be having these full body adrenal gland glans and how many of us are running around, especially developer owners, all people really with adrenal depletion. All of us have adrenal burnout because we're swimming in a society that is fast paced and living at a sympathetic dominant state, meaning we're always on the run. We're always on the go and we're stressing about every little thing. So this is a way to heal yourself from adrenal fatigue. Now, the, the reason that a vulva owner does not, does not lose so much of her chi when she has an orgasm is because she's not ejaculating 200 million potential lives. The place where she is releasing from her body potential lives is when she bleeds. So she's having a release of those eggs, those ovums, every time that she has her menstrual period, which is why so many vulva owners feel so depleted and fatigued and tired, and they feel like they need to take a day off or two or three days off, every time their monthly moon comes around. And so there is a whole practice in Taoist sexology called turning back the blood. Now this is a very, very, very, very, very advanced practice, so I don't even want to go into it too much, but it is, uh, a practice whereby you stop your menstrual cycle to stop the aging process. So it is a very deep practice. Um, but, even like edging yourself and getting that orgasmic chi built up inside of your own body, bring it to your kidneys and adrenals, but bring it to the back of your heart too. If you're struggling with self worth, if you're struggling with confidence, bring it up to your solar plexus, bring it into the pancreas. That's the gland that relates to your solar plexus. If you have a hard time expressing yourself, bring it up to your throat chakra. If you're like wanting to open up your intuitive This in your life, bring it up to your third eye and your crown chakra. It's really a fun thing to do. And it's also the reason that it's safe according to these ancient sexual practices, perfectly safe for women to have multiple orgasms in every single sexual session, because she's not releasing 200 million potential lives when she has an orgasm. Um,

Leah 40:31

In the Tantric tradition, women, um, vulva owners are seen to be limitless in nature, which means more orgasms, more energy. Men are seen to have limited sexual energy, which means more orgasms, less energy, unless they're non ejaculatory. And so we can actually compliment each other in that, but women have to learn how to plug in to run the current. Now, that's another topic, but one of the things I want to say, like, you might have heard Dr. Willow go, Hey, take, you know, nine orgasms. Wow. You can put that into your adrenals and you're sitting there going, but I can't even have one orgasm. Like, I don't actually want him to make love to me longer. I

Overcoming Barriers: Unleashing Orgasmic Potential and Deserving Pleasure

Leah 41:11

want him to hurry up. You know, we talked about that a minute ago. So here's the thing that may be true right now, but if you suspend that judgment for a little while and be with emotionally. The, the sadness, the grief, the anger, the disappointment, that orgasms haven't been easy for you. If you allow yourself to just feel that, like it's okay to feel that. It's okay to call one of us and we'll help you feel that. And when we move that grieving energy, then there's the potential for a shift. to happen and you can start to work with your own arousal so that you can have those nine potential orgasms that Dr. Willow just mentioned. You may think it's hard to have one, but sister, we've got other programs that are going to help you actualize that nine and when your partner becomes more conscious because of how they're now playing differently with their sexual energy, you can't know the change, the transformation, the opportunity that can awaken both your partner and yourself, the full mass of potential for pleasure to be huge in your life. And we have so many reasons to have stress. It's a gift that we also have pleasure. And I think the other part of us feeling non orgasmic is that we don't think we deserve pleasure. Or we've been taught and groomed to say, you know, pleasure's bad. And sacrifice is good. So we become these sort of martyrs. And, uh, so anyways, that's just another connection to, um, to this whole topic. You know, it's, it can be fraught with a lot of emotional landmines. But if you can stay present and you can be courageous and just feeling that move through your system instead of suppressing it. And putting it into the basements of our body where we're just, they collect dust and resentment and all this other stuff. So again, another opportunity to take a look at this topic with fresh eyes.

Willow 43:05

yeah. And in fact, it requires presence. I think that's one of the reasons that, um, penis owners who practice ejaculatory control are such great lovers because it requires a lot of presence to be able to hold that ejaculation

Cultivating Presence, Trust, and Vulnerability Through Ejaculatory Choice

Willow 43:21

in. And when you're being present with your own body, you're, you're automatically being present with your partner's body. And this is when, when And, uh, though the owners are like Oh my God, I've never had sex like this before. This is this is what they've been talking about. This is what I've been wanting and missing. And it's really such a gift to both of you. You know I always say intimacy is made up of three pillars which are Trust, vulnerability, and presence. So if you're working with your partner on this, there is a level of trust that's building inside of them. They're learning how to trust their bodies, trust their breath, trust that they can overcome an old pattern and an old habit and an old way of being. And so as a, as their partner, you can really support them. We really need to support them in, um, building this trust, like be cheering them on and really help them out, support them in that training. We tell you like techniques and folds and holds and things to do for them physically. But also just emotionally and psychologically like, wow, you, you did so great this time. You know, okay, you had your or, you know, you did ejaculate, but wow, you got so much further down the line than you did a month ago, you know? Look at you. Bravo. And so that's one thing is you're helping this new level of trust form inside of them which is going to have you trusting them more, them trusting you more. Now you've got this trust cycle between you and it is vulnerable to practice anything new regardless of being in partnership or not. But it's even more vulnerable to practice something like this, especially if you're like, I really want to try this, but I think my partner's not going to be into it. They're not going to be supportive. They might even make fun of me for wanting to do this. Why? What's the point? And so give them this podcast to listen to so that, you know, so that they can be on board and know that, That, you know, you're trying something different and that's vulnerable. And just letting them know, Hey, I'm going to give this three months and I'm, it's, it's, I don't know what I'm getting into and I don't know how it's going to go, but I'd like your support with it. Um, and then with that trust and vulnerability between you, that's creating incredible new levels of intimacy and presence is, is sort of the, um, byproduct of that, right? It's like now we, we have to be hyper present with each other in these intimate scenarios so that we can really read the energy between each other. And as the partner of this person who's working on ejaculatory choice, it's so helpful to, to really be able to read their energy and know when they are getting like. to a point in their arousal scale where if they go any further, they're going to lose it. So you stop them right before that point and you help them breathe and you help them maintain and you help them move the energy into a different place in their body. And it's just such a really incredible journey to be on together, especially for couples who've been having the same old same routine, boring sex, and you're both just like doing it to go to sleep. This is a whole new way.

Leah 46:50

Yeah. I think what Dr. Willow just, without saying these words, but it's something that we say in a lot of other parts of our work is having a cultivation practice. And she just outlined beautifully that you can cultivate your attention, you know, that by practicing ejaculatory choice, you're cultivating the quality of your attention, which is making you an even better lover. You're cultivating self trust. You're cultivating, um, the bravery to be vulnerable, because there's nothing more vulnerable than sexuality. You're cultivating staying in the moment and being present. You're cultivating intimacy, true, true intimacy. You're opening your heart to someone. And so to do this together in partnership is one of the biggest gifts you can give your partner. And let's, let's actually give you a technique. I'd love to give you a technique that allows you to start practicing this tonight. And so, and it's one thing that also kind of creates, gives both you and your partner a role in the art form of ejaculatory choice. And so when you have that feeling, I could come soon. I know I want to be very specific here. The feeling is, I could come soon. The feeling is not, I'm coming, so you need to have an early warning signal. If you do these techniques too close to coming, you're going to miss the boat, you're going to end up ejaculating, and it's going to be anticlimactic. That's going to happen along the path of learning, but you can, you can avoid that more and more by really tuning into, I could come soon. Give that a little bit of space. It shouldn't be right next to I'm coming. Otherwise you'll miss the mark. And as a partner to a penis owner who's practicing ejaculatory choice, You want to look for the signs. When someone gets close to ejaculating, what's happening? They, their whole body gets rigid. Their butt gets tight, their shoulders get tight, their face gets tight, their neck, and their breathing becomes very shallow, or they start to hold their breath. So you can, you can notice the changes. If you happen to be close to their testicles, you'll also notice that their testicles are now shrinking up, moving up into the body. It's like, oh, where did my nuts go? Well, they're somewhere in your throat, and that's why you make that funny noise when you cum. Haha, just a joke. Now, so, so let's say, okay, you can feel your partner's getting ready to launch. Tap them on the heart, or scratch the head, and ask them to open their eyes. and slow down their breathing. You could say something really, um, sweet like, oh man, you feel so big right now. You feel so alive. Just be still with me. I just want to feel and breathe how huge you are. Why not? Much better than going, honey, honey, you said you didn't want to come. You're about to ejaculate. One is empowering, one is emasculating. You pick. And, uh, in that moment of just going, Just breathe with me. Lots of things are happening. If you tap the heart or you scratch the head, you're bringing their attention to somewhere else other than the tip of the penis. Which is going to move the energy where we want it. We want the energy to go up, not out. So by just tapping another part of the body, you're helping that energy shift. Along with, Open your eyes, because a lot of people have a hard time ejaculating with their eyes open. And again, it's getting their attention to another organ, which allows for connection and more intimacy, because now you've got that eye gazing and that eye contact. So we're distracting them from going into overdrive. And then say something sweet and loving. I love the way you feel right now. Now you're speaking to their heart. Again, you're, you're strengthening an intimacy muscle. Now, penis owners, you can do this without your partner prompting you. When you get close to ejaculating, you scratch your head, you thump on your chest, you open your eyes, you slow down your breathing. That breathing, of just expanding the length of your inhale and exhale often times is enough for a lot of penis owners to get more control because they're controlling their breath. So now, notice the next time you go into an ejaculation, what's happening with your body? Where are you tightening? What's happening to your breath? See if you can relax into your next ejaculation and I guarantee you, you're going to have a different type of orgasm and I think you're going to like it.

Willow 51:15

Yeah, definitely. So I want to wrap up our podcast episode today with these, there's sort of these Taoist formulas and the best formula is the formula that works for you. Like how many,

Taoist Wisdom: Ejaculatory Frequency Based on Age, Constitution, and Seasons

Willow 51:31

How many sexual sessions, how many times getting aroused, how many times getting hard before you do decide to ejaculate. Ultimately, you are your best, uh, formulator on this, you are your best doctor on this, and it's going to change as you evolve and grow and become more adept at this practice. Um, in general, as like the most generalized, easy way to remember this is to finally, have your full ejaculatory orgasm after 7 10 of these non ejaculatory sessions. So if you're really going for the gold, go for 10. If you're like, okay, I'm going to, whatever, I'm on eight. Okay, good enough. I'm going to have my orgasm. The most important thing I would say is just when you do have your orgasm, celebrate, don't be down on yourself. Don't be hard on yourself. That's going to set up a whole different neuro pathway in your brain and your psyche and your body that you don't want to have laid down. So even if you're like, oh my gosh, I think I'm going to have a non ejaculatory orgasm, but then you do have the ejaculation, just be happy for yourself. Just be happy for your partner. It's still a celebration. Now, the second sort of, um, thing that the Taoists are looking at aside from age and constitution is they are looking at seasons. So when it's warm outside and we're in a yang season like spring or summer or late summer where it's like, a more expanded, warm, um, time of year, it's going to be safer for your adrenal system to have more ejaculations during that time. When it's a yin time of year, fall and winter, the season is darker, the weather is colder, there's more of a contraction and a going in. That's going to be a time where you're going to want to have less ejaculations. And that is just, I would say, a really good rule across the board as a penis owner to think about that. If you've been sick, if you've had long COVID, then you're not going to want to be having a lot of ejaculations. So this is why it's case to case and you have to decide for yourself. If you've been really, really healthy and robust and everything's going really well in your life, you don't have a lot of stress, it's going to be safer for you to have more ejaculations at that point, regardless of your age. Now there's these like very specific formulas depending on your age. So if you're in your teens and your 20s It is safe to have ejaculatory orgasms every single day, sometimes twice a day, especially if you have a strong constitution. If you came in with a weaker constitution, then maybe just once every single day is fine when you're in your teens and your 20s. That's when your bank account is at its peak, right? And when we look at this sexual energy from a Taoist we're looking at constitution based on what your birth mother and birth father brought in for you. So, Jing Chi, J I N G, is sexual energy in the Taoist system, and it constitutes your constitution. Some of us came in with really robust constitutions. We can eat anything we want, we can stay up all night, we can party till dawn, and we're fine the next day. Others have Yeah, others of us like have to eat all the right food, go to bed on time, make sure we wake up, take really good care of ourselves, and we still get sick. So that's the range of what we're looking at constitutionally. That's what I'm talking about when I say constitution. But teens to 20s, you're pretty much good to go. Feel free to have an orgasm every single day. Then once you get into your 30s, if you've got a stronger constitution, then you know, having an orgasm once a day is still going to be fine. If you have a weaker constitution, maybe every other day or every two or three days. Keep that potent life force energy for yourself. The bedsheets don't need it, okay? They're just going to get thrown in the wash anyway. Once you get into your 40s, this is where things start to turn. This is where things start to shift. So, if you've got a stronger constitution, then every five sexual sessions, arousal sessions, whether you're with a partner or by yourself, You can have a one ejaculation. Um, if you have a weaker constitution and you're in your forties, every 10 sexual sessions, one ejaculation, once you get into, um, your sixties, then we're looking at strong constitution, one ejaculation every 10 sessions and a weaker constitution, one ejaculation every 20 sessions. Um, once you get into your seventies. It's strong constitution, one ejaculation for every 30 sexual sessions, and for a weaker constitution, not at all. Right? You're in your 70s, you've got a weaker constitution, you've been fighting off some kind of, you know, systemic disorder or disease. Don't be ejaculating, but still bring yourself up to arousal. Learn how to have non ejaculatory orgasms. Leah has been teaching men in their 50s, 60s, and 70s how to have non ejaculatory orgasms for over 20 years, and these men are Shamanistic in their sexual abilities at this point in time. So there's really so much room for growth and expansion. A lot of times we think, Oh, I'm in my 60s. I'm in my 70s. I, you know, the way it is, is the way it is. And that's a choice that you're making. So you also can choose to re imagine what's possible for yourself and look into something different. And see if you can't heal your body with that orgasmic energy moving through your body. I mean, Leah's taught with Charles Muir, who is sort of the grandfather of Tantra in the United States, for over two decades. And this man really used sexual energy to heal his body of cancer that the doctors were like, you're not going to make it. And he's really a testament to the work.

Leah 58:04

Yeah, this is why we often refer to sex as medicine. that what we're leaving on the table in regards to our health has to do with sexual energy. And when we choose to look at our sexual energy consciously as a path to wholeness and well being, we can take that sexual energy and we can apply it to the sectors of our life that are non sexual. Because of how much energy and life force and, um, and joy. It can bring, and that doesn't make you a creepy, weird, horny person in all these other sectors of your life. It makes you an aware, attentive, conscious, sensitive human being who loves to feel their aliveness. And so if you're interested in having more aliveness in your life, and you know that you could use a boost of energy, of sexual vitality, of You know, even may I go as far as to say a little bit of a sex God energy, then you should really take a look at our last 10 times longer program. You can find that on our website, which is sexreimagined.com/last-10x-longer.

Last 10 Times Longer Program: Mastering Ejaculatory Control

Leah 59:17

So, uh, check out the course and,

Willow 59:19

have it in the show notes for you as well.

Leah 59:21

yeah, we can't hear what you think and start practicing. use your body for science, would you? Let's, let's dedicate our bodies to science and find out everything we need to know is sex geeks out there in the world. We love you for joining us and please rate comment and subscribe to the show.

Willow 59:41

Much love. Let us know how it goes.

Announcer 59:43

Thanks for tuning in. This episode was hosted by Tantric Sex Master Coach and Positive Psychology Facilitator, Leah Piper, as well as by Chinese and Functional Medicine Doctor and Taoist Sexology Teacher, Dr. Willow Brown. Don't forget, your

Conclusion: Embracing the Journey of Sexual Reimagining

Announcer 59:59

comments, likes, subscribes, and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together.