The Sex Reimagined Podcast

Stevie Wright: Sexually Numb? Breathwork Techniques That Unlock Sensation In Your Body | #176

• Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown • Season 4 • Episode 176

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Meet Stevie Wright, a trauma-informed somatic healer and breathwork facilitator who founded The Breath Channel—a breathwork membership platform with thousands of members seeking effective and accessible practices. Stevie uses somatics, embodiment, breathwork, and plant medicine to support people in accessing their deepest desires and breaking through stuck patterns. She specializes in working with people who've done years of traditional therapy and understand their patterns intellectually, but still feel nothing during sex—what she calls "mountains of numbness" and dissociation that makes sex something they do rather than something they feel. If you've ever felt sexually numb, struggled with elusive orgasms, or keep attracting the same relationship drama with different people, this conversation reveals how breathwork can help you "drain the swamp" of numbness and discover the "goldmine underneath the fog."

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

• Why talk therapy isn't enough for sexual healing and how somatic work addresses trauma where it's actually stored—in your body

• The real reason orgasms disappear at the crucial moment and how breathing techniques can help women stop "losing" their climax

• How childhood trauma creates "frozen pockets" of energy that keep you operating from outdated consciousness in adult relationships

• Stevie's "somatic dissolve" process for accessing trapped memories and emotions to liberate stuck life force

• Practical breathwork techniques that move sexual energy throughout your entire body instead of staying stuck between your legs

• Why couples work accelerates healing when partners witness each other's core wounds in real-time

• Breaking generational patterns through embodiment work that reclaims your inner authority

LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE CAN BE FOUND HERE

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Willow:

What if real healing didn't come from understanding your past, but from actually inhabiting your body? Our guest, today's Stevie Wright helps people rewire their nervous systems, access pleasure, and reclaim their power through deep embodiment and somatic work. I'm Dr. Willow Brown. I'm here with my co-host Leah Piper. We are sex reimagined and. So deeply grateful for all your amazing likes, shares, and subscribes, so keep them coming. We truly appreciate your amazing energy.

Leah:

So let's tune in, turn on, and fall in love with Stevie.

Announcer:

Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame-free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show.

Willow:

Welcome to the show.

Stevie:

Thanks you guys. Thanks for having me.

Willow:

Tell us a little bit about your journey and how you got started. For, for all of our listeners out there, I, I found Stevie because she's a breath work coach. And I was like, I want an expert on the show talking about. Breath work and the transformation that it provides. I personally feel like all the medicine we need is inside of our bodies, and breath is the foundation of that. And so I wanted to bring Stevie on to just share with us, you know, what you have found and what you've experienced and what you've seen with clients transform and change. But how did you get onto this path?

Leah:

real quick, I also wanna add, I wanna know how breath relates to sex.'cause this is a sexuality podcast, so I really want those two worlds to bridge, not just about health, but like what's it doing for us in the bedroom. So yeah. Stevie, what's your genesis story?

Stevie:

Well, I, there's many, uh. Paths. I could, I could many entry points, but I think I'll start with, you know, I, I got into this work. I got into, I got into this work actually with health and wellness. That was my entry point in. Um, I, I became a health coach. I was really inspired by, by that world and at the time, you know, got my my, got my certification, started seeing clients, and pretty early on in my client journey, these women were coming to me and, you know, telling me some really deep trauma, telling me some, um, you know, some, some things that had, they'd experienced and some things that they'd, they'd been experiencing for a long time that I had no idea how to help them with. And so I'm in this container with them and I'm like. Oh, like here, uh, I don't know. Here's a recipe. Like I just had no idea how to help them with what they were sharing. Like after we built some trust, they were really bringing me some tender things. I eventually was kind of like, I don't wanna do health and wellness. I really actually, they're obviously, they're feeling safe with me to bring some of these things. I wanna help'em with this stuff. I wanna know how to support someone in, in these areas, in these deeper places, in these real tender places. That was about seven years ago that I just started going on my own. Process of my own healing somatically, uh, my own training of, of somatic embodiment of, uh, working with the body in, in healing trauma and healing patterns. And healing belief systems. And it was, it's been such a, a beautiful experience into my own, uh, you know, how my inner workings are and how the body is really where it all lives. It's the, the body is the subconscious. Our memories are stored here. Our feelings are stored here. And so when you know how to work with the body, uh, work with the emotions and clear charge you, the transformation actually happens very fast. Um. And it's very noticeable. And I, I can't even tell you how many times I've heard, like I've been to therapy. I've done, I've talked about it. I've gone to the, this, I've been to so many therapists and like, it's great, but I don't feel like I'm actually actually seeing shifts in my life. Uh, and now this is nothing against therapy. The therapy's wonderful and I think it's, it's needed. Um. believe that therapy gives you a real cognitive understanding of your origin story, which we need. Uh, but then there comes the part where you actually are then needing to process the energy so that you could show up differently in your life and experience different things. So that's kind of my, my, has been my personal experience. It's how I hold clients now. And, uh, breathwork is one of the ways that one of the tools that I use in, in my, in my work, um. But yeah, it's really all about working with the, getting someone into their body, learning how to build safety in the body, and learning how to build the resource and the capacity to bring up and feel the things that actually got trapped way back then

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Stevie:

and process them and, and actually feel them through.

Leah:

Yeah, will and I are often known as saying the issues are in the tissues. And um, it's wonderful to grok, you know, that, I love that word, grok, to really understand how things are the way they are and why you're blocked the way you are and the stories that are behind them. But like you said, it only takes you so far. It's your body is kind of keeping the score. Your body is the one that is holding the, the memory. And if you can't, um access that, like it's key to access that in order to have like a whole feeling of wholeness and healing and all of that. So it sounds like you're really focused on Trauma. I.

Stevie:

You know, I, I'm trauma informed. I'm not, um, specifically working with, with, uh, severe PTSD or, or anything like that. I'm, I'm trauma informed. I really mostly focus on belief system and how a lot, like a lot of times people come to me and they're like. I'm in the same relationship, but different person I am. I am, um, in the same, the same friendship, different person. Yeah. I'm in the same pattern in my life that I just can't seem to break. What, what is it that I'm not seeing? And so I'm really working with, with belief system and how there is stagnant and congregated trapped energy stuck at that belief system.

Leah:

Gotcha.

Stevie:

yeah.

Willow:

Which is such a huge, um, issue inside of people's intimacy sector of their life. It's like what has people, you know, staying in relationships far too long, stuck in, um, you know, retracting the same patterns over and over with different people and, um, and a lot of it does get stored down in the first and second Chakras. So it's like, and I, I feel like with doing, um, you know, deeper breathing and really starting to oxygenate these places in your bodies that don't otherwise get a lot of oxygenation or, um, energy to them, the, the issues just stay stuck down there. You know, and you could. Talk the story out to death, but until you actually move it from the soma, from the cellular tissue, um, it doesn't shift. So I'm curious what you've seen like open up for your clients now. Do you have some clients who are coming in and, and they do share with you sexual trauma, that kind of thing over time?

Stevie:

Yeah. Yeah.

Willow:

what kind of openings and shifts have you seen with them?

Stevie:

Well I would say, you know, even to, to go back to your original, uh, you know, the connection point your question, Leah. I find that specifically with, with the breath and with the body and, and with the sexual energy, a lot of my clients experience a ton of numb. They experience a ton of dissociation, and so, um, they're not feeling much. And so sex has become, um, a thing they do, but not really a, a pleasurable and really, uh, engaging experience. Um. That, that they can have for themselves. They don't know that actually that it can be that way. So when we work with the breath, uh, and work with, like you were saying for chakra, it's, it's, it's actually very boring at first. It's not a, a big like

Leah:

Climatic

Stevie:

No, it's, it is not.

Leah:

Catharsis quite yet.

Stevie:

No, no. So it's, it's actually, um, and I, and I, I give that context like it's, it might, it's pretty likely you're not gonna have a big pop right away. We've got a mountain of numb to clear. We've got a mountain of dissociation to clear. And I, I say it can be pretty agonizing to, to feel nothing and, and to, to give that context so that they know, like, even though you're feeling nothing, I promise you you're draining the swamp.

Leah:

yeah. Nice.

Stevie:

I promise you.

Leah:

You're headed in the right direction.

Willow:

Mm-hmm.

Stevie:

promise you like the, the, the swamp is clearing. The fog is lifting and, and over time, and un unfortunately, I can't say how long that's gonna be, they'll be like, wow, but how long? I'm like, I don't know. And it's, it's, I can't, you know, I can't give you a timeline, but what I can promise is that this modality does work. Your body does know how to feel, and it's, it's as slowly and steady as we build safety. Your, your, your body's gonna learn how to sensitize again and, um. Hallelujah. When it does.

Leah:

You know, I think what might help also just give our audience a visual. You know, it's interesting when you watch puppies and babies breathe. Because they do full diaphragmatic breathing. They, their bellies puff up and then they come in, they puff up, so they're actually breathing with the lower sector of their lungs, not just the higher parts of the lungs. And as we age and we get stressed out, our breathing becomes much more shallow.

Stevie:

Yeah.

Leah:

As we're trying to manage stress and we're holding our breath and we're gripping tight and we're just trying to like power through life, our breath is so shallow as adults. So when we can drop in and get those fuller breaths and really expand the lower lungs, the purification process is quite profound. Um, the ability to control our cortisol starts to drop because we're controlling our adrenaline and from, from getting all hyped up, our adrenals have a chance to settle. When we're kind of doing that full breath and we're really getting oxygen to our lower lungs, I think that's part of an important impact, and it can kind of give people a visual of the type of breathing they need to start settling into so that they can have more breath control instead of just having it become either very rapid or very shallow.

Stevie:

Yeah. And also there's, there's a, um, just a one, one of my teachers, I love how she says it. She says, uh, her name is Stacey Matulis. She says, there, there's a gold mine underneath the fog, there's a gold mine. And so when you actually get the fog to lift, what you find is feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling, feeling. And then essence. Life force, you know, connection to self. And so that's, that's how I kind of get them to, I'm like, no, but there's trust. There's something, there's something yummy in there. There's something good in there. We're, we're going towards something. And, and there's, when you, when you actually are able to connect with life force in essence, and you're sensitized, then your sexual experience becomes a completely different thing.

Willow:

Hmm. So true. I feel like every time I do breath work, I get super turned on. Like I start having all kinds of tingling and energy down in my yoni and I get tetanus all over my body, particularly like my, my mouth, and my face, and my fingers. And all the way down into my, my toes. And as somebody who doesn't have like amazing circulation, um, it's just, it's so cool to feel how those deeper, more, um, powerful breath, long, you know, periods of them can ab absolutely bring so much more sensation to places in your body that don't otherwise get a lot of circulation to them.

Leah:

No, but I also find that some people get tetanus and it's very painful. It's uncomfortable. It's uh, it's a trauma release symptom. It's like their body's kind of coming out of freeze. It's like in this wrestling stage between freeze and freedom and, um. And so I'm curious what you have to say about hyperventilation, because oftentimes tetanus comes from, I believe it's too much exhale and not enough inhale. Or is it the opposite? Not enough inhale and too much exhale.

Willow:

Probably more inhale than exhale, but

Stevie:

Yeah, I would say more, I would say more inhale than exhale. And so one of the things you're gonna do is you're gonna wanna slow them down, have them open their eyes, look around the room, you know, see name things, they see, name, colors, name all, look at that nice plant, or look at

Leah:

Get them into the present moment.

Stevie:

dog. Yeah. You just wanna slow them down so that they actually can still be processing the energy.

Leah:

What do you say to like,'cause there's lots of breathing techniques that actually encourage hyperventilation to get some sort of cathartic release. I've heard of it in, in, um, Kundalini yoga and in other breath classes where people are doing this hyperventilation breathing, I think to create a state change or try to try to have some sort of transcendent experience. What is your thoughts on that?

Stevie:

Well, I mean, there's different, there's different, yeah, there's different modalities for different intentions. So if you like a, the, a lot of that, that those breathings are taking you into a, a, those higher Chakras, into a, a higher state of being, which has its purpose and is beautiful. Um, and also sometimes those, uh, like there's also, like what we're talking about, these, these lower Chakras that are much slower. Uh, and if we're only getting like at the new, there's, this is an issue in the new age world, like if we're only getting to the higher Chakras and, and getting into higher vibrations, but actually we have a fuck pile of trauma and, and stagnant energy in, in the root, then you're, that's why you're gonna notice things like, um, but I'm, but I'm in the, I'm, I'm in a high vibration. I'm in a, a heightened state, but why am I still. In, in scarcity, in fear. Why am I constantly anxious if I'm in, in that high vibe state? Because, right, because we're actually not working with the, these, these lower energies and vice versa. Like if you're, if you're really in these lower places and you're in your feelings, you're in your emotions, but then you're not, uh connecting with God, you're not actually letting it rise up and fuel you. Then it can get a little dense, it can get a little, um, like I, I like to call it like soupy, you know, you can get a little soupy and get a little, um, over watery,

Leah:

Yeah.

Stevie:

you know, and we, and so yeah. And so we need, we need both.

Leah:

Yeah.

Willow:

well, I was just gonna say, I've, I've watched some of your, um, you know, your breath work classes and courses, Stevie and I like how you. Blend the two, you know, and anytime I, I go to a breath work event or workshop or, or something, you know, it's, it's that blending of the two, like the long, slow, deep, the holds and the stronger, more powerful, where you're bringing a ton of oxygen into the body, like mixed all together, you know, with some really amazing music. It, it's just, it just can be, you know, such a, you can really have that. Experience of your, your breath being your own medicine. You know, it's really cool.

Stevie:

Absolutely. Absolutely. And I'm, I'm, I'm a playlist girly. It's one of my gifts this lifetime, so that's very important to me.

Leah:

You should do a, um, uh, a free download on your website of a great playlist.

Stevie:

a good idea. That is a really good idea. Totally.

Leah:

you.

Stevie:

Totally. That's such a good idea. Yeah.

Leah:

definitely get.

Stevie:

Okay. Good to know. Good to know.'cause I, I freaking am so good at a playlist. That's, that's a great idea. Maybe I'll do that.

Leah:

I need a new Tantra list for my massages, by the way.

Stevie:

You got it.

Leah:

me

Stevie:

Sure.

Leah:

would be great.

Stevie:

Get right on it.

Leah:

Yeah. I need Spotify, by the way, my preferred app for that.

Willow:

Yeah, totally. And, you know, Tantra teaches so, so many different, um, breath modalities and ways of moving the breath and energy through your body. A lot of that, you know, can, can entail working the pelvic floor simultaneously, bringing energy up into the pineal gland, all of that kind of, um, work. But I, I, I like how breathwork, um, it can incorporate that. But generally it's, it doesn't generally, it's more just like these long, slow and then. Faster breaths, like a, a variation of them all. you know, through what I have experienced and then also through what I teach and know and have practiced a lot more around the Tantric breath work. Um. I feel like there's just such a, such a beautiful synergy to both, you know, it's like one can get you. Like anytime I sit down for a meditation and I'm like, Ooh, there's a busy mind here. There's no way I'm gonna sit in any kind of silence or stillness like I have to either. Do the, the more powerful breath work to clear my mind or chant, you know, I have to do something to get into like longer, slower, deeper breaths, making some sound in order to, um, empty the mind and empty the heart enough. Because in Chinese medicine, the mind and the heart are paired together so that we call it the she and so to calm the she enough, you know, because there's, there's so many things going on in life all the time, so it's just so powerful to feel that. That experience so I can drop deeper into that meditation. I'm curious, like with your clients, what, what you've seen shift for them as far as being able to find more peace, more stillness inside, more quieting of the mind and how that translates to not only their sex lives, but all of their lives, all

Leah:

I was, I was just gonna say real quick, like when I was hearing you say that, I do that too, but it's interesting'cause my mental framework is different. Mine goes, I gotta give my brain a job to do. So that it can get out of the loop that I'm in.

Stevie:

mm.

Leah:

then I'll play with a breath pattern, or I'll give myself a visualization. I'll focus on my senses as I deepen my breath or as I slow it down, like whatever's needed to get out of the loop. I think of it as, as. My

Willow:

giving your

Leah:

needs a job in order to find the peace that I'm seeking. I, so I just, I think it's really interesting personality wise, like whatever the, it's like almost like the same method,

Willow:

the same thing. Yeah. To the same top of the mountain. Yeah. But different idea around it. Yeah. Yeah.

Leah:

right.

Willow:

That's great.

Stevie:

Uh, let's to answer your question, Willow, I. So I have a membership called The Breath Channel. And uh, it's, it's all these, there's over 150, 200 somatic and, and breath work and embodiment practices. They're all anywhere from five to 15 minutes. I wanted to make it something that's very easily integratable into your routine. Uh, but the, a lot of things that I hear is I feel steady in a way I haven't felt my entire life, I feel grounded. I feel like a better mom. I feel like a better wife. Um, I'm able to, uh, uh, work with my emotions without making some big story that they're wrong. I'm actually able to, to hold myself in a way that's meaningful, that I actually can feel better. Um, so there's a, a lot around, or even like abundance, like they, they feel like as they've, I mean, some of my, this is, it's five years old, some of my people have been in for five years and they've really created a long standing routine and practice with it. So it's, you know, I have people saying that they're a completely different person than, than when they entered and who they are now and it's all due to learning how to drop into the body, drop your roots ground, and work with the sensations inside. Um, a lot of, again, like I talked about, like the res sensitizing, um, clearing the numb and the fog and that, I mean. I mean, it, it affects every air of your life if you're, if there's a completely different experience to walking around numb than there is to walking around, present and in your body and able to feel. Um,'cause I've, I've experienced both. I know. I know what it's like to be really numb.

Leah:

Well, if I could bridge this to sex, because I think, you know, in my seminars, God, every seminar, there was always a handful of couples who are struggling in their sex life. Usually they were parents and they might have kids under the age of five. And they're stressed out. He's missing sex. He feels abandoned, he feels rejected, she feels overwhelmed. Um, she doesn't feel connected to her shakti being in her body has been stressful because it gives, and it gives and it gives, and it gives, and it gives, it's keeping these babies alive literally. And, and plus all your attention is attuned to their little body sensations and needs. And then you have a partner who you want to make happy, but it's like, I cannot deal with one more fucking person's needs. You know, like, and now where is my ability to even feel me? Because I'm kind of clobbered with feeling everything around me. So I either kind of go numb and push forward, or I disassociate, and both is like, I don't have access. And so why would I wanna have sex? The fucking kitchen needs to be cleaned.

Stevie:

Yeah. Yeah,

Leah:

Why would I wanna have sex? I gotta give somebody a bath, including myself. You know,

Stevie:

Yeah,

Leah:

so it's like, and and, and it's so painful because obviously I can feel for the woman and I can feel for the guy too. It's like so much, and this is a heterosexual dynamic, so much of, um, of his, the way that he loves is through this like physical connection a lot for a lot of men. And so what I'm hearing you say is like to have to be able to have, um, a meditation or breathing exercise, something that's efficient to kind of drop in, like you said, to like drain the swamp. Move from numbness to sensation gives this, I'm thinking of women right now, like a, a chance to catch up, uh uh, literally a chance to catch her breath so that she can realize that sex is for her. It's not just to get it off the list or to feel like you're a good wife or you're somehow taking care of your partner. It's like, no, it's a way that I take care of myself. It's a way that I find my heart. It's a way that I share my heart in addition to fucking gimme some pleasure. Like I need an orgasm too, to reset.

Stevie:

Yeah. Yeah.

Leah:

And sometimes that orgasm feels elusive. Breathing is what makes orgasms even more elusive in sex. If you're holding your breath all the time, which we tend to do when we're bracing for impact.

Stevie:

Totally. Totally. And, and also like to your point, there's something about when they, when they sensitize, when they have that practice for themselves, when they're getting in their body, they can actually get inspired and have the, the upward rising energy of I want to have sex. Like, ooh, what's this? I want to, I'm actually turned on. You know? And, and so it's, it's, it's so important.

Leah:

So tell us a little bit about who you work with. I'm, I'm making up a story that it's mostly women. You work with men?

Stevie:

I do, I do. I mostly, I mostly work with women, but I do work with men and I work with couples.

Leah:

Okay. It was just, that was gonna be my follow up question is tell us about your work with couples. I.

Stevie:

I love couples work. It's, it, I, I love it so much. Um, I think one because. My husband and I got so much out of our couples container with our somatic therapist, and, uh, I find that couples work has both of the individuals healing go, like on turbo speed because when I'm working with someone individually, yes, they're showing me like, what's coming up. Yes, they're showing me their patterns, but they're often like telling me about it. And, and sometimes we will get into the energy and we, we can really get something done though when you're with your partner. All of your core wounds are just lit up right there in real time. And so it's like, oh, perfect. Okay. I can exactly see the shape of the thing, you know? And, and so I actually find that the work goes much faster, um, when you are, because my, the way that I hold it and, and I work with couples by myself, but my husband and I also work with couples together. the way we hold it is, yes, this is for you for, for the couple, but. What are the, uh. Unmet childhood needs. What are the, the un the childhood wounds that are just being projected and plastered all over your partner

Leah:

Right.

Stevie:

and, and how the relationship actually becomes, uh, like I, I, I call my husband Patrick, my secret weapon, you know, because the, the way that he, his witness on me that my witness on him, on each other's stuff and how we hold each other and, and bring empathy and understanding. It's, there's nothing I've done that's more healing for myself individually than my partnership with him.

Leah:

You know, that's so interesting. If I may can just interject for a second because my husband is doing a, um, relationship coaching certification program right now, and one of the pieces he's studying is with Terry Real and he talks about couples work and says, I always do the couples work together. I don't separate them. Because I need that partner to witness their partner's, uh, vulnerability, the childhood work that we're doing, the transference that happens between the two of them. If the partner isn't bearing witness to what's happening when we're doing a piece of work with their spouse, then they're missing the boat of of unity. It's not so much as we're dealing, we're so individualistic during this time in our human experience. That we're missing out on the actual partnership dynamic and that it's so much more about us than it is about either one. So if you're doing the work with just one person and that partner isn't seen, then you're missing the opportunity for us. Does that resonate with what you're talking about?

Stevie:

Oh, completely. Completely. And so what I find is, you know, if I'm, if they're having a real thing that they just can't seem to get out of, and I work with, let's say I'm working with her defense mechanism. That pisses him off that he cannot stand if I can, if I can get her into that tender place and actually get to the unmet need of what's, uh, motivating the defense mechanism, motivating the closure, and then he can witness and go, oh,

Leah:

that's what this is holding. Like that's what's buried underneath this chaos.

Stevie:

That's what that is.

Leah:

Yeah.

Stevie:

That's what that is. Oh, and, and so then he can understand what's, what's happening when she's in that place and he can actually support her. And, and she can receive his masculine leadership to help guide her out of it instead of just meeting the defense mechanism. And there you are. You know? So, and vice versa. And vice versa is for, for her to understand why he bites her head off during X, Y, and Z. That actually this other thing is being triggered and awakened.

Willow:

Right.

Stevie:

Oh, okay. Sweetheart. Is that, are, are we in that place right now? Like, let me support you. Is is it about this like, it's a, it's a game changer. It's a completely,

Leah:

Yeah,

Willow:

Yeah. So

Leah:

save relationships.

Stevie:

Yeah.

Willow:

So often what we experience in relationships where we're just having a pattern ping pong match is like underneath it all is like, yeah, this, this need that actually never, never, ever got met in childhood or beyond. And um, that I feel like that is one of the most beautiful things about partnership. I really believe that there is. A point at which you can't just keep doing the healing work on your own. You actually do need that reflection. You need that mirror. You know? You need to be able to go deep with one person that can be your guru in the most annoying ways sometimes, and the most beautiful ways in other times.

Stevie:

Yeah. And actually to your, you said something like the, the unmet need that never got met. Like a lot of things, a lot of what I talk to, talk to my couples about and and hold them in is you both have unmet childhood needs that your partner is not responsible for, and actually it is literally impossible for them to meet it and at they don't like it sometimes, but they're, but then, but it's their job to meet that need, and it's actually like, Nope, it's not.

Willow:

Yours. Yeah.

Stevie:

your, it's

Leah:

So re-parenting of yourself to yourself.

Stevie:

It is your responsibility to, to meet that unmet, unmet need. He or she cannot. It's not possible for them to meet it. And once you know how to meet it yourself, then if there's anything left over that you could use from them, then we can communicate that. Great. Then we can, we can, uh, we can ask for that support, but it's gonna come up empty. You're gonna feel unfulfilled and you're gonna stay in, um, the trigger if you're expecting them to meet that unm meed childhood need.

Leah:

Plus, I think it creates too much mind reading expectation of like, if you're the one that's supposed to like kill me for this thing, then then you're gonna let me down'cause you're not always gonna catch it. And. Yeah. And then we're back into caregiver mode and that is like the uns sexiest thing in the world is being in caregiver mode. Um, and so I, but witness me. You know, please witness me deeply understand me, grok me. Get it like the, the, the obstacle that I'm in, the thing that I'm wrestling with, the mistakes I make when I'm projecting and transferring shit on you. Be there unconditionally for me as I reparent, this part of myself, you know, that's got a bit of a gap in it. And then knowing how to fill that up and sharing that experience is just so profound. Having someone to share that with is so just meaningful, you know? So it's lovely to do it with someone though, if you don't have someone, think about who you get to show up as if you start this work now. If you don't, you don't need a partner to bring this all up in you. You can get a head start so that you're an even better person at partnership when that partner does come into your life.

Stevie:

Yeah. And, and maybe for right now, like you're a space holder. You're, you're the one who's holding you in your, in your, in your containers is that person and offers you their witness and their loving reflection. And like, nothing you can do will make my love go away, you know, and, and holding it in that context as they, as they, you know, are, are calling in their partner.

Leah:

Yeah, I think you can even like imagine that beloved in time and space that's coming into your life and have them sit with you just as an energetic field. You know, so they can really feel like. We have a coherence, and that vibration of coherence could be drawing that person in closer into your life to have that meeting place in real time. But in the meantime, you can bond with that person just out there in time and space. I know that might be a little wooey, but you know,

Stevie:

think that's

Leah:

being wooey.

Stevie:

It's, it's gorgeous. It's gorgeous.

Willow:

Tell us about, um, like how, how the container that you hold for clients and like how you walk them through the changing of their beliefs, you know, the, um, stepping into the person that they really wanna be and the way that they wanna feel. Like, what is the, uh, length of time generally, how do you start with them? What's, is it always different? I'm sure it's curated to each individual person, but you've got, um, a little format or a little. Formula that you like to run people

Stevie:

Yeah. Most everyone I work with, they're, they're gonna start with six months. Um, I have clients who I've been with for four years because we just, we love it and we, we do life together and, and, um, that's pretty common to, to extend. And I, I feel so grateful for my client relationship. It's, it, they're very, I mean, the, the, the basis that I hold the whole container around is trust. And building of our, of our connection, of our trust and safety so that they, you know, I'm the, I'm a safe person in their life that they can bring anything to. Um, when I start with anyone, I'm really getting clear on where are you at, um, what are these, these pesky patterns that keep coming up and up and up, no matter how much mindset work you do around them. Um, I'm, I'm understanding, uh, what is it you want, where do you wanna be? You know, if you could wave a magic wand, where do you wanna be? And it actually starts very simply. So, you know, I, I could do, you know, a first session with summer, two sessions with them, and just based on what they're telling me about where they're in their life, I'll kind of just be reading in between the lines and listening between the lines of catching a moment, catching a feeling, catching a, a way they're seeing themselves. And that'll be the entry point. And so we'll do, uh, you know, a somatic dissolve where we're going into the body and they're. I'm, I'm asking something like, okay, so when's the first time you felt like, um, your voice didn't matter? When's, when's the first time you felt like, um, your needs are not gonna be met? Like, you're gonna have to do it on your own? And the body is so wise every single time. It gives me, it gives us a, a memory. It gives us a feeling, it gives us a knowing. It gives us a picture and. You know this work is actually, there are some key tools that you use that I use for safety and titration and things like that, but it's actually very creative. It's very creative. So I might get into a memory with someone and, um, we're bringing in allies. We're bringing in, uh, you know, their childhood dog. We're bringing in all these different things and it's, it's just helping them tolerate the feeling that got trapped back then that actually created the belief. Um, so how that works is. You know, we come to the world and we are just pure expression, life force, sensation essence, right? But through painful experiences, through, uh, you know, uh, trauma, trauma events, we lose access to that life force. We lose access to it because the, the witness, the part of us that can notice, take a bird's eye view, notice what's happening. It gets turned off. It gets turned off because the, the feeling that happened was actually too big for our little body.

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Stevie:

So, uh, and also we didn't have, we, it was too big for us to feel on our own. We actually needed a, an adult, a parent, to help us feel our feelings through. It's more likely, often than not that we didn't get that. Uh, and so that feeling that was meant to keep mo moving emotion, you know, energy in motion, it gets trapped. It gets stuck, and you can imagine it gets stuck as these little knots all over the body, these little pockets of frozen energy. Whatever consciousness the feeling happened at is the consciousness, the uh.

Willow:

That you have to meet it with.

Stevie:

we're, well, that we're trapped at. So here we are in our thirties, forties, fifties, walking around. But in this area, when it comes to relationship or when it comes to, um, how I see myself, I have a consciousness of a 7-year-old. Actually. I have a consciousness of my 11-year-old.

Willow:

Hmm. I see what you're saying. Yeah. So like even though I'm 45 years old, I might be in a moment face to face with somebody where my frozen part is like my 7-year-old. So I'm showing up as like me, me, me,

Stevie:

Yes, yes, yes. And so, uh, what we do is we'll go back into that pocket and we give it warmth and witness and welcoming and love. And eventually what starts to happen is that that frozen pocket starts to thaw. It starts to, you know, there's anger, there's sadness, there's grief, there's shame. Feel, feel, feel, feel. And then. Essence life force

Willow:

it's parts work. Like any kind of somatic work, I feel like is parts work because we have to get into those knots. We have to get into those pockets, and there's different parts in all of those different pockets of the body, wherever it's being stored.

Stevie:

Yeah. And, and, and then you have after, you know, we can do that a hundred times in a container, right? So, uh, you, you, um, now have access to some of you that you were, was literally trapped before. So, you know, people get down on themselves and it's like, I've, I've, I've worked so hard on changing this thing. I've, I've tried so much to change this pattern, but it's just not shifting. Well, you know what? It's okay. You've actually been working at half mass, like you actually don't even have all of your energy available to create a new belief to move past this. And so what we're doing is we're, uh, liberating the stuck energy. We're liberating the life force so you have more of yourself online to live your life. I,

Willow:

I love that. I love that. Yeah. I do a lot of Somato emotional release, which is very similar to what you're talking about. IFS is similar too, in that you're working with parts of the body, but I find it to be a little bit more specific. Like they've got these sort of archetypes that they work with, whereas what I'm hearing you. Speak to is more similar to the Somato emotional release that I learned with up ledger, like through the cranial sacral world, which is a lot more just kind of open and loose and like, let's just discover, let's explore. I'm, I'm not gonna put any kind of like this is the saboteur or any of these sort of archetypes on it, but, but like, what is it for you? You know, it's the, it's that age. It's that time in your life where you, you know, lost your puppy or whatever, you know, were abused by a parent or whatever happened at that time and, and what that little one needs. What that, so I'm curious with, for me, when I'm doing this work with people, it pretty much always takes us into childhood, like almost a hundred percent of the time. Do you find that as well?

Stevie:

So we'll go into a 7-year-old memory or an 11-year-old memory or et cetera. And. We'll do that dissolve. We'll welcome the feelings. We'll ground back into reality. And then I ask something like, where did, where, let's, let's imagine you, you're opening up your timeline to the left. Right, and, and let's pull her that, pull that 7-year-old, let's pull her into real

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Stevie:

so that she can come out of the memory, out of that experience. It was like that then it's not like it, that's not how it is now. So pull her into real time presence, into adult thinking, adult consciousness, and, and so now how does your adult wanna move forward with this situation?

Willow:

I like how you call it a dissolve. We gotta do this dissolve like that. I'm gonna use that. And then I like the whole, like, let's pull it, pull it into a different timeline. so both of those, like going from, um, you know, from. Childhood and moving it into the other timeline is, is really valuable because it, it helps that one who got frozen in time actually grow and evolve and become the next age. Right? It's like, it's so, it's so fascinating. I feel like you know this. This, um, somato emotional ways IFS all these different, what you're doing. It's like sort of, it's not new on the healing scene. It's been around for a long time, but I feel like it's getting a kind of like, when I started teaching yoga, I was 19 and then, you know, people were like, what's yoga? You know, and now everyone knows yoga. I feel like everyone is this a huge rise in, in the healing world right now, and it's so incredibly important in sexual healing. Because again, down there in that first and second Chakras where so much of these freezes leading to numbness, leading to pain, leading to discomfort, not wanting to have sex gets stored. Um, and in the pelvic floor work that I do when I do, uh, somato emotional release work inside of a pelvic floor, be them male or female, it is always just like such an enormous transformation. Such a huge game changer in just such a short amount of time. You know, it's so, so powerful to witness the difference that can happen in someone's belief system about themselves, about pleasure, about, you know, even just the, the shame and the guilt that people have that they carry in their bodies around being in pleasure. You know, all the time it's, there's something wrong with that. We've been taught, and we've been passed that on from generation to generation. So I mean, the work that you're doing, Stevie, is really epigenetic healing, right? You're breaking down and breaking chains of generations and probably lifetimes of, I need to be in suffering in order to have value, or I need to carry this pain in my body in order to feel, you know, my body. I mean, what if we all. Go ahead.

Stevie:

well, I was just gonna say, or I need to hold onto this belief system to stay connected with my family.

Willow:

Yeah,

Stevie:

Like I, I need to, I need to hold onto

Willow:

my partner.

Leah:

Mm-hmm.

Stevie:

yes. Like, I need to hold onto this if I'm gonna stay in connection with the those I love. And so there's also a, a, um, a reclaiming of the inner authority of what do I actually believe? Oh, this is something interesting that just came through that feels important to share. Um. Like I, I work with, uh, a woman who, who is from India, and she, what we talked about over the years is she's like, you know, there's parts of my culture that I actually don't agree with, but it would feel like such a betrayal to her family, to our culture, to, to not agree with these dogmas, these dogmatic. You know, principles. And so, you know, I mean, as a white woman, I'm really honoring like what is, what's her truth for her culture and how can I help her find her truth? But it's such an interesting conversation because it's like I. What do, what am what am I actually choosing from my, from my empowered choice, from my own authority, even if it's the culture and the, the way, the way things are for, for this country, for this, you know, for this religion. Like, what am, what do I choose to believe? Like, is this actually what I wanna choose to believe in my life? Or is there something else here?

Leah:

Yeah, it's like the difference between like, you know, our conditioned response, our culture, our neighborhood, our parents, our religion, all that stuff, uh, is, has so much meaning behind it. And when you start to create more agency for yourself, you decide, is that even true for me? Is that, you know, and then, and then what's a consequence if I decide it's not?

Stevie:

Right. Exactly. What's the consequence? Yeah.'cause there will be one.

Willow:

right. Exactly.

Leah:

And how do I live with that? You know, how do I deal with that? I feel like I definitely directly experienced that, breaking away from my childhood, you know, conditioning and parents and trauma and all that stuff. You have to kind of reinvent yourself. Um, it's really liberating

Willow:

And then hope that your family still accepts you and loves

Leah:

yeah.

Willow:

you. Uh, I mean, and there are definitely are certain cultures and certain religious backgrounds where there's gonna be so much more of those frozen pockets to dissolve. So.

Stevie:

Yeah.

Willow:

That, that just comes with, with what we choose or you know, as a soul, what we choose to step into in this, in this life.

Stevie:

I don't know if you guys ever feel, I don't, I don't know if you guys ever feel like this, but sometimes like I'll be doing this, this, I'll be in a session with someone and it's like gets real witchy and magical and I'm like, I work at Hogwarts. Like my job is

Willow:

I feel that way all the time.

Leah:

Yeah, I know. And sometimes you have to give your clients tools to deal with the muggles that are in their life

Stevie:

Right.

Willow:

Yes,

Leah:

realize, oh, okay, I've just, I'm now in Hogwarts as well.

Willow:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And once you cross over, you can't go back. Once you feel the magic, you No, exactly.

Leah:

What's the difference, you know, in someone who is practicing breath work consistently versus someone who's doing it sporadically?

Stevie:

I, I would say just a, an overall sort of feeling of being in their body, grounded versus ungrounded. Uh, you know, all I, you know, a big one I would say is those who have a really consistent practice. They have enough resource and capacity to handle stress in a different way.

Leah:

Yeah.

Stevie:

So it's not that stress is gonna come, it's not that, you know, life is life. Um, though they're, they have a different capacity. We're not always gonna be in rest and digest. It's actually not the, the human experience, right? So, um, but they have a different capacity to manage and actually still feel safe and, and, you know, somewhat grounded and, and able to meet their life from, uh, from a steady place. Whereas if, if it's kind of that sporadic place, it, it's, you don't have as much capacity and you get lifted really easily.

Leah:

Yeah, I imagine you're, you're in pattern less and when you go into pattern, you get out of it more quickly'cause you're more resourced to track

Stevie:

Mm-hmm.

Willow:

it's easier to get into presence. I'm trying to do it every morning, um, before, you know, before I get into the, the movement portion of the morning, I like to get up before, before the sun. Like I like to do the breath work portion before the sun rises. Then I'm like, okay, I am on point. I'm having a winning day. Um, I so, so Stevie, you all, she has a great freebie, and then your membership is only 15 bucks a month. So it's priced super well. So if anyone is like, I wanna try doing breath work every day, uh, go

Leah:

Very affordable. Yeah. That's a, that's like, that's like the cost of, uh, yoga

Willow:

lattes

Stevie:

It is, it's, I, it's less, it's less than Netflix. And I, again, like I wanted it to be something that you,

Willow:

plus, you know, 15, five to 15 minutes. So super digestible. I think

Stevie:

yeah, and I, and I give you a menu. I give you a menu every week. Um, so you don't even have to think about what, what you wanna do. I mean, you can kind of peruse and see what, what you need in the moment. You literally just type in a feeling and something will pop up for it if you

Willow:

like if you're like, I'm stuck in anger, or I'm stuck in sadness, or I'm stuck in jealousy or whatever

Stevie:

Literally.

Willow:

fun, how cool. I wanna try the membership.

Stevie:

Yeah, it, it's, it's a, I love her. It's my baby. It's something that I just, I, I wanted to make this work accessible. I'm actually in the process of redoing a lot of the videos, as I said. Um. We, I started five years ago and I look at some of the old videos and I'm like,

Willow:

Yeah.

Stevie:

she? Oh my God. And so I'm just redoing some of the older, older content to feel more updated with, with my embodiment now. And I just love it. It's, it's something that I think is, um, really needed and I, again, I wanted to make it accessible and easily integratable into your day-to-day life.

Willow:

Mm-hmm. Beautiful.

Stevie:

Yeah.

Willow:

All right, so how else can people find you? We've got www.steviewright.com, right? that the website? And then do you have any other, uh, social media handles you wanna share?

Stevie:

Yeah, I'm on Instagram, uh, https://www.instagram.com/stevielwright_/ under, I respond to all my dms. I love connecting with people over there. Um, I, I also love Instagram in general. I love posting. It's like one of my, I like making reels. It's, it's just a place I really, I know. I know.

Leah:

I'm like,

Willow:

can, yeah, can you, can you stamp some that, some of that over here because we, we really don't.

Leah:

Yeah. Um, we'll have all of Stevie's links on the website. Just go to www.sexreimagined.com, click podcast, find her episode, and, uh, we'll make sure you get in touch with her. Thank you so much, Stevie. What a pleasure to meet you and have you on the show.

Stevie:

Thanks so much for having me. This was awesome.

Willow:

Thank you.

Stevie:

Mm-hmm.

Leah:

Okay, friends, lovers, we are not done with this show. The dish is coming up, so stay tuned.

Announcer:

Now our favorite part, the dish.

Willow:

Breath work for better sex. What a pleasurable way to bring, uh, more healing and more energy and vitality into your body for better sex.

Leah:

Yeah, in this case I don't, we didn't really talk about better sex. Maybe that's what you and I should dive into. This really felt like breath work for better partnership, breath work for being embodied, breath work for getting out of stuck places so that you can have better sex, but not many techniques on using breath work during sex. What do you wanna say about that?

Willow:

Well, I do wanna say that I have had some of the most expansive, phenomenal orgasms of my life due to the Tantric breath work that we teach and utilize. And, um, also have seen so many, um, clients and lovers like, go to these places that they didn't even know their bodies. Were capable of going to. And I think that's one of the coolest things about All Breath work really, is like you get to experience places and ex uh, things in your body that you didn't know were possible. Like maybe you've, you know, read about them or seen them in a movie or something, but you start to get to these higher levels of consciousness through the breath work. It's something that for me, really opens up the um. You know, takes me out of like, I am, I am a woman, I am Willow. This is who I am, the construct and the sort of ego mind and opens me up to like the greater experience of just being a one with the universe. So I feel sort of like my edges dissolve and, and more, um, connected to to God energy.

Leah:

Yeah, I feel like breath work, earned sex can be very powerful in a couple different categories. One is, it is instrumental in helping men with ejaculatory control and having more choice over when they choose to ejaculate. Two, I think it's so essential for helping women um, you know, there so many women will relate to God. I get so close and then my orgasm like disappears and it's so disappointing. It feels

Willow:

holding their

Leah:

it's that elusive clitoral orgasm. In fact, I have a free breath um, technique. If you go to https://www.moreloveworks.com/mlw-freegift, or you can just go to the homepage of More Love Works, you'll click on Free gift. It's a whole thing on how to never miss another clitorial orgasm again. And it's the, the, the magic is all about the breath. It's like we do this one thing and every woman is making the same mistake and it's so simple to correct and it's. All breath work. Um, and it's not heavy heathing, you know, exhausting breathing like you just ran a marathon. It's simple and it.

Willow:

pleasurable,

Leah:

you into the erotic and it sounds delicious and sexy, and there's so many like bio cues for your partner to know that they're on the right track. I mean, breath combined with sound creates this biofeedback between partners. That lets them know, wow, I'm, we're both headed in the right direction. I'm loving all this sensation, and it deepens your sensation. It actually brings you more intensity to your pleasure. It allows your system to feel the sensuality that is possible. When we aren't breathing or we're breathing shallowly or worse, we're holding our breath. It short circuits the sexual energy from oscillating and moving through your system, and it is like. Everyone's doing it. I mean, you watch him, man, ejaculate and he contracts his whole

Willow:

goes into total freeze his

Leah:

butt gets tight, his arms get tight, and it's a, his face gets

Willow:

Yeah.

Leah:

as he, as he stops breathing and then tries to have an explosive orgasm. It's like you're leaving so much pleasure on the table when you're not breathing and sounding.

Willow:

It's so fascinating because that's, I feel like that like tightening and contractive kind of orgasm, that so many bodies have become like a addicted to, like the physical body doesn't know how to have an orgasm without all that contraction and tightness based on the, the innate shame around it. Like keep it quiet, tighten it down, all of that, and it can be such, um, such a. Oh God. It can be so hard to like relax the booty and like to open the throw and to make some sound when you've never done it before. It can be just like this. It can feel so awkward

Leah:

And exposing. Yeah, like, or embarrassing I think. Yeah. I think there's something to that. It's like that suppression, you like grip to sort of like suppress a more natural expression. But I also think another theory is sometimes like that contraction happens at tightness because it's getting ready to launch.

Willow:

Yeah,

Leah:

down in the system and you, you kind of contract so that,'cause it's about to explode.

Willow:

Yeah. And really orgasm is like a dance between contraction and expansion, right? It's, it is this point in which yin and yang meet, which is why we call it the lait, more the tiny death, this moment where yin and yang are in. Full emergence, yin being contraction and yang being expansion, you know? And when you're in full emergence like that, I mean, at the moment of orgasm, we don't have any sense of being male or female, or I'm this person, or I'm that person. We don't have a sense of our, of our ego at that moment also don't have that at the moment that we die. And so that's why, you know, the Dao always likens these orgasmic moments to the moment of being. In full union, in full oneness. And I think that's a really beautiful, um, experience that, that I like to prolong. That's why prolonging those orgasms, because in that spaciousness there's so much more possibility, which is one of the fun things to play with in sex magic. But one thing I wanna say about. You know, all the different dais, breath practices and, and Tantric, they're so synonymous. They're so one and the same. It's like, I love bringing arousal Chi or orgasmic energy to different places in my body, like, so that it's not all pooled right between the legs. You know? I like to bring it up to the back of the heart. I like to bring it up to the pineal gland in the

Leah:

Make it full body

Willow:

I like to send it out to my fingertips. You know, it's like, can I feel what I'm feeling in my yoni and my pinky finger? You know, it's just fun to like explore and play and you gotta have breath on board in order to move. Like, it's almost like breath is the vehicle for moving energy.

Leah:

A thousand percent. A thousand percent. It's like that's why when we stop breathing or we're breathing shallowly, it short circuits the energy and we can't have those big experiences where when we sh, when we tune into relaxing the body, and you have to be able to relax in order to reach pleasure, like in order for a woman to turn off her brain enough. To enjoy sex, there has to be some sort of relaxation factor. Otherwise it's just gonna be tense and she's gonna be in her head. So like breathing and relaxation go hand in hand. I mean, that's how you get there. So if you can just slow down your breathing. And realizing that when you slow down your breathing, you're actually enraging breath control, and that's what expands the length of the pleasure. As the arousal gets more intense, your excitement gets more like, you know, now you're kind of. Trying to control your breath actually gets harder because your arousal starts to, the flames are licking up higher and higher.

Willow:

to take

Leah:

Yeah. So it's like, it's awesome when you've got control over your breath, then those flames feel like undulations licking up your body because you're, you're even in these peak levels of arousal, you're using that power to like stretch out that breath, like it were taffy on the inhale and the exhale, and then you can kind of feel the undulation in a much more powerful way. And it's amazing when someone has an orgasm for the first time and their body is relaxed. Like instead of squeezing your ass when you have an orgasm, you relax your ass. You relax your, your, your legs. You don't let your neck and your jaw get tight. It's a whole different animal. It's a totally different orgasm.

Willow:

that's exactly what, having that experience that you've never had before and it's, it builds this level of confidence inside of you that's like, wow, I can do that. Like, I didn't know I could do that. I've never had that experience before. It's so liberating. It's so fun. To help people walk into that. You know, I mean, it's, it's just like giving someone ice cream for the first time. Like, look, you can have all this flavor.

Leah:

I think so too. Like when you just concentrate on your own, bodybuilding, that skill, then your mirror neurons. Helping to regulate someone else's nervous system when they're making love to you. So by you sort of expanding into this, you're also even non-verbally showing somebody else's body how to do it too. And I, I really give credit to that being a part of my journey. I remember my first Tantra lover at fucking 19 years old. And him breathing, it's like, it's so etched in my mind the first time I met him and he gave me this giant bear hug and he literally inhaled me. Like he was breathing my essence into his soul and I felt my essence go right into him. And we have like this emerge and it was so. Like it's so crystallized in my mind, and it's such a reflection of how sex transformed for me, because of his ability to be in his body and to move his breath. I didn't know that there was anything intentional going on. It wasn't until we broke up and I read the Tantra Book owned that. I went, oh my God. There's a method to this madness. So. Look, people don't wait to study Tantric sex'cause you're gonna get so many great pieces of why breath makes you a masterful lover. It's so simple and anyone can do it, and it's so profound. It's not nearly as woowoo as you can imagine. It's simple.

Willow:

It's very basic human nature, actually.

Leah:

Yeah. Yeah. Well, this was fun. Okay.

Willow:

love y'all. Ciao.

Speaker:

Thanks for tuning in. This episode was hosted by Tantric Sex Master Coach and positive psychology facilitator, Leah Piper, as well as by Chinese and Functional Medicine doctor and Taoist Taxology teacher, Dr. Willow Brown. Don't forget your comments, like subscribes and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together.

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Dr. Willow Brown

Host
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Leah Piper

Host
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Stevie Wright

Guest