Leah & Dr. Willow: Trauma, Boundaries & Feeling Sexy Again | #195

Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown open up the mailbox in this candid listener Q&A episode, tackling the real questions you've been too nervous to ask out loud. From healing sexual trauma in a relationship and rebuilding emotional intimacy after a rough patch, to navigating the polyamory conversation and letting go of body image shame in the bedroom. This episode goes deep, fast, and leaves nothing on the table. If you've ever felt alone with a question about your sex life or relationship, this one is for you.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

→ Healing sexual trauma in relationships is possible — somatic practices like Tantra and IFS can be more effective than cognitive-only therapy, and your partner can be one of your most powerful healers

→ Rebuilding emotional intimacy after a rough patch starts small: consistent micro-rituals, gratitude, 20-second hugs, and intentional touch rebuild oxytocin and trust faster than big gestures

→ If you're curious about ethical non-monogamy or polyamory, lead with curiosity before desire — ask your partner what they think and feel before making it a request, and get any agreements in writing

→ Sexual boundaries are self-care, not selfishness — knowing whether yours are a request or a requirement helps you communicate them clearly and without guilt

→ Feeling sexy is an inside job: drop the mirror, close your eyes, breathe into your body, and let sensation lead — pleasure has nothing to do with size, shape, or age

→ The four pillars of deep intimacy — vulnerability, presence, trust, and attunement — apply whether you're healing, reconnecting, or just trying to feel more alive in your relationship

Got a question for Leah and Willow? Submit it for a future listener Q&A episode at: support@sexreimagined.com 

LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE CAN BE FOUND ON THE WEBSITE: https://www.sexreimagined.com/blog/how-to-heal-sexual-trauma-in-relationships 

The Sacred Spot Weekend | July 17-19, 2026 in NYC | Join Leah & Guy Shahar to learn the Tantric Sacred Spot Ritual Sequence! Click Here to Register. 

Erotic Polarity Online Masterclass - Join us July 29th for a live masterclass on zoom. Starts at 4pm Pacific / 7pm Eastern. Register for $33 HERE (free limited replay window available)

AWAKEN AROUSAL OIL LUBRICANT | Reach new levels of intimacy with our arousal oil, formulated for the female body. Once applied, this topical oil works with your body to enhance sensation and "o's," helping you reach states of euphoric pleasure.

Transcript

Welcome and Summer Events

Leah 0:04

Welcome to the Sex Reimagined podcast. I'm Leah Piper. I'm here with Dr. Willow Brown, and we've got a special episode for you today. It's listener questions. So let's just dive in. But before we do that, let's actually talk about some really fun things that are going on this summer. We've got a couple masterclasses coming up. One is with me, which has to do with the five stages of sexuality, and then in July, Willow and I are gonna jump into polarity. I bet you've got some interest when it comes to masculine and feminine polarity, no matter your gender. So we're gonna have a really good time in that class. That's one of my favorite topics I can't wait to dive into. And then we've got a couple really fun sacred spot and G-spot courses coming up, one with me and Guy Shahar in New York City. Then Willow and I will be doing one in Vermont come this fall. And then I've got a full Tantra beginners weekend, where I'm gonna teach you 19 different Tantric practices in Phoenix. So if you wanna see all of our live events coming up this summer and this fall, please go to the homepage and click on live events on the toolbar. Anything else you've got going on in your books, Dr. Willow, you wanna mention?

Willow 1:19

Yeah. I've got a Summer Solstice and the Psychedelics of Sexuality workshop in Santa Barbara. That's gonna be a lot of fun. And then I've also got, um, another Tantra Speed Date going on in July. I believe that's on the 17th, but it will be where all of our events, live events are taking place. So check it out

Leah 1:40

Sacred sexuality and psychedelics. It is a really hot topic. I'm excited for you. I know that's one you've been passionate about for quite some time

Willow 1:48

Yeah. I've been diving deep with all of it. It's been fun.

Announcer 1:52

Welcome to the Sex Reimagined podcast, where sex is shame-free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show

Willow 2:00

Okay, so let's dive into these questions that we've been getting from listeners. These are really good questions, and we know that

Listener Questions Kickoff

Willow 2:08

if one person has this question, then many people have this question. So that's why we're doing this episode today, just so we can kind of give our two cents on these really, like, just thoughtful and, um, important curiosities that people are tossing our way. So the first one is: I've had past trauma around intimacy, and I'm scared it affects my current relationship. How do I talk to

Talking Trauma With Partner

Willow 2:34

my partner about this without shutting down or feeling too vulnerable?

Leah 2:39

Well, first things first, we really want to acknowledge that it's really brave, um, to bring this question to the forefront. So many people have had some kind of traumatic experience when it comes to, um, boundary violations and sexual abuse and sexual trauma, so on and so forth. So, uh, we know that it's a sensitive topic, and we really appreciate the courage that you're taking in asking it. And you're right. It takes a lot of vulnerability. And, uh, so my first, um, thing I wanna acknowledge is, is not to shrug away from the vulnerability but lean into the vulnerability. And what's really key about that is making sure you've got enough trust within your relationship that you can be vulnerable with this person. I'm curious, how long have you been seeing each other? This is someone who's really shown up for you. I think it's a great idea to, to take the leap of faith because my experience, having also had a lot of, uh, sexual trauma in my past, is I've never had a partner who, if I shared it with, haven't treated that with a lot of sweet consideration and have been, um, really caring in the holding of that. That doesn't mean everyone has the skill to help you around sexual healing because that does take, um, uh, some sensitivity

Willow 4:04

Yeah. And you know, when anytime you're bringing something vulnerable or sensitive up with your partner, the best thing that you can lead with is like, "Hey, I've got something I wanna talk to you about, and I'm feeling really nervous about it. I'm feeling like it's very raw, it's very tender, and it feels very vulnerable to share it with you." So just setting up the conversation with that lead is going to, um, disarm the other person from feeling like you are attacking them or criticizing them or judging them in any way. And then if you have not yet shared that you have, um, past trauma with them before, then this would be the time to do that, to start to share with them like, "Look, when I was this age," or, "When the, I was in college," or, "When this thing happened, you know, it really, um, it caused this to happen in my body, and I can... I'm noticing that when we get into intimate spaces, that same reaction is happening in my body. Are you noticing that? Are you aware of that?" And sort of just like opening up the conversation so that it's, you know, it's not so much of like, it doesn't always have to be this really heavy, heavy thing. It can be a, a back and forth and a like, let's help each other out to get to a place where not only better intimacy is happening, but healing is happening through that better intimacy.

Leah 5:34

Yeah, and, and the very best thing you can do is speak with a therapist, a coach. do some work with someone who's trauma-informed, who

Healing Support and Tantra

Leah 5:42

can guide you and your partner, on some techniques and ways of really supporting you. As your nervous system shuts down in intimacy, it's really helpful for both you and your partner to learn some skills on what to do when that happens. Because a lot of times it can feel like a flinch back, you know, or a shutdown, or you find yourself not being able to open, or you find yourself not even being able to verbalize what you need in the moment. So then everyone just sort of feels like a failure. He or she is wondering, "Is it something that I'm doing?" Or, is it something that's problematic with them? You know, a lot of times people who've had some kind of sexual trauma, once they get into a relationship that starts to feel really safe, is their libido starts to feel very different from when they were courting each other. Where a lot of times there's almost like a hypersexuality in the beginning, and then later on in the relationship, it feels like where did all of that sexiness go? And we start to feel shut down. We don't know how to find all the ways it links back to that trauma. So definitely reach out and get some support.

Willow 6:52

Yeah. Reach out to one of us. We both can definitely support and have helped many people through these, you know, deep, old traumas that get stuck in the body. And I'm curious 'cause I know, Leah, you went through pretty significant, um, sexual stuff as a child, and there is a point-- I mean, what I see in you is you are healed. Like, you are complete from that. I went through my sexual trauma later on in life when I was 19. I was a little bit more older, more resourced, and I feel totally, completely healed from that. I'm not carrying that in my body in any way. So it is possible is what I'm saying, and what would you add to that, Leah? That, you know, the possibility of being fully healed

Leah 7:35

Well, it's totally, in your reach. It's in everybody's reach, and it does take, some tenderness and vulnerability, and you have to be willing to trust other people to support you through the process. My experience is we're not supposed to do all this alone. Yes, there's lots of things you can do to, heal yourself, and sometimes you have to take a part of this journey as a solo journey, uh, so that you can understand and, and there's ways with which you can somatically do things to help heal yourself, and that's really wonderful, and it's critical. But there's comes a time when you also have to take this journey with someone, and your partner is, is probably, or partners, is gonna be in a really important process to that healing. and working with other practitioners that can continue to help you along the way. It's a rich journey. It's not something that I would be afraid of. It's something that I really encourage people to wholeheartedly embrace, even though it's scary. Um, it's p- it's painful to look back and to feel all those sensations. Uh, but here's the truth. You've already made it through your past, and that was the hardest part. Going back and revisiting some of it so that you can finish emotionally digesting it out of your system and out of your body is, is much easier than having gone through it the first time. So I really hope, uh, if you're struggling with this, that you, have hope because there's so many rewards. You will get paid back, and a lot of times the payback is immense pleasure and transcendent experiences

Willow 9:11

Absolutely. You-- It can feel like a can of worms at the beginning of the journey, but when you have the right team around you, the right support, your partner on your side through the healing, I mean, it can, it can shift quickly. Very, very quickly. So it doesn't have to take a long time either.

Leah 9:29

And, and then the last thing I wanna mention on this question is that I think Tantra is one of the most, uh, powerful paths to sexual healing. Um, so if you're working with a cognitive therapist, I feel like therapy that's just really more cognitive in nature and not somatic in nature isn't as helpful as somatic therapies. So, um, I know Tantra was my path to doing a lot of that work, but that wasn't the only path. I also did things like IFS and, um, a lot of other things that really got me through interesting chapters of the process. So also, a lot of therapists take insurance, so if you're struggling financially and part of the thing that's holding you back from getting support is 'cause you're not sure if you can afford it, uh, there's other resources, you know? So Google, ask ChatGPT, and, um, take a look at what your insurance provides because there's support out there.

Willow 10:28

Next question. Uh, we've been trying to reconnect after a rough patch. What are some creative date ideas or ways to break out of our routine and reconnect emotionally?

Reconnecting After Rough Patch

Leah 10:42

Uh, well, I think the big thing is starting off small but with consistency. So I think small rituals is like a really great stepping, um, a, is a really great first step in reestablishing, you know, trust and connection and leaning into each other again

Willow 11:03

So yeah, so something, a small, like intimate ritual could be something like, you know, first thing in the morning when you get to the point of talking to each other, you know, just having a moment of gratitude. Like, what, what are you grateful for? Anything. It could be something about them, or it doesn't have to be. "I'm grateful that, you know, I had a good poop this morning." Could be anything really. Like, just share some gratitude with each other, because when you're in a state of gratitude, you are moving toward a state of joy, and joy is the highest frequency of all emotions. So, you know, you need to, um, kind of have these frequent little gratitudes, and even if it's something small about your partner, that can go a very long way to rebuild after a rupture. Um, you know, "I'm grateful that you're, you're still here. I'm grateful that you're here with me this morning. You know, I'm grateful that..." Or if, if you're not living together, you know, "I'm grateful that you reached out. I'm grateful that you sent me a, a follow-up text," or anything like that that's going to nurture, um, moving back toward each other. Because a lot of times when there's a rupture, you move away from each other. And so the game is, like, how quickly can you move back toward each other? How quickly can you turn your hearts back toward each other and remember that all these little things that come up within relationships are coming up so that you can review and release them, you know, and s- not hold onto those patterns of protection that keep you safe but also keep you separate

Leah 12:45

Yeah, so in the spirit of that, small gestures are really big and are really important. So caressing each other more, hugging each other more, reaching for their hand, inviting them to do

Affection Rituals and Sensuality

Leah 12:58

things with you, even if it's just cuddling and watching TV. Going on walks and holding each other's hand, holding each other's eye contact for longer than a second, and, and allowing oxytocin to carry some of the heavy load for you. You know, when you have a 20-second hug, when you hold each other's eye gaze, when you caress each other's face, when you, um, you know, draw a bath for your partner, uh, these are all things that help release oxytocin. When you have meaningful conversations, when you give them compliments, when you share that you're grateful that they're in your life, that you're grateful that they went through that rough patch with you, that they matter. all of these things are big investments in your relationship, and they're gonna help you lean into that intimacy becoming more sensual. So then once you've sort of established, okay, we're being more affectionate with each other, now how can you be more sensual with each other? And so that might be giving each other a massage for 10 minutes, rubbing each other's feet, um, sharing a bath together. Uh, you know, m- massaging each other's bodies and then massaging each other's genitals in a slow and lovely way. So it's like finding your way back to trusting your bodies with each other so that you can then become more sexual, is really, really important for establishing trust and vulnerability and being present with one another. And then allowing yourself again to pay attention to attunement. As you've heard on the show before, there are really four important pillars to intimacy, and that is vulnerability, presence, trust, and attunement. So you can bring that to your relationship, both in a sexual way and a non-sexual way. So I would be really examining your own actions. Where am I not present? How can I, um, show trust? How can I trust myself to be vulnerable? All of these things, if you can kinda take a look at how that holds meaning for you and bring it to the table with consciousness and intention, you're both gonna become probably stronger than ever before. Because there's also types of intimacy when you've met an obstacle together, and you've overcome that obstacle together, there's intimacy that happens for having done something hard together. So, um, have faith in that.

Willow 15:25

Yeah. I think it's also important to, um, you know, if, if your partner isn't being present or isn't bringing attunement to the table or, um, it, you know, just keeps moving away from you, uh, it, it can be really hard to--

When Effort Is One Sided

Willow 15:43

You're like, "Okay, I'm doing all the things over here, but like I'm not getting reciprocated, and I, I can't just like... I can't. It takes two to tango," you know? And so, um, in those moments, you know, I think it's important to, to address like, "Hey, I'm feeling like I'm alone in this relationship, and, uh, I, I don't think I can, you know, carry it alone for much longer. So do, do you want to do this with me? Do you want to work through this with me?" And, you know, unfortunately, in the world today, it's so easy to just like, "Nope, not working," dust your hands off, and move on to the next thing. Um, you know, I'm helping some younger generation in the dating world right now, and it's, uh, there's so much of that. It's so easy to just be like, "Oh, I'm not getting my immediate gratification," or, "They're not showing up in the way I think they should, and so I'm just gonna swipe onto the next person." So there... And there's so much reward for sticking with, going deeper, learning about each other's patterns, learning about yourself, like really seeing this person that you're in an intimate, deep relationship with as a mirror to look into, you know? So what are you learning about yourself through the process? How are you learning to show up for what is important for you and ask for your needs to get met more, and standing in your self-worth that you're worthy of getting those needs met. So I've been in partnerships where I'm like, "Hello, I'm just doing it all over here. Where'd you go?" You know? And in those instances, I step up and I say, "Hey, look, if you don't wanna do this with me, then go ahead and leave. But if you do, then step it up, because I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna carry it all on my own." And so I think that's a really important thing that sometimes we have to do in a relationship. And I also wanna say, you know, when, when these ruptures happen, it's like we, we might still really love our partner, but we just don't really like them in that moment, and that's okay. We don't have to like each other all the time. but we can also reach out to community, reach out to, um, you know, support outside of yourself to, get other needs met that then you can feel more resourced and more full and come back to the relationship with a greater sense of love and like for yourself, therefore you have more to give to the other person.

Leah 18:15

Two is, like, remember to have fun. Sometimes you're like, you're in a rupture or you're moving past a rupture or whatever, and it's like everything just feels so heavy. And, you know, plan an adventure. Remember to have fun together. Like, that was the thing that brought you together probably in the first place, is you enjoyed each other's company. You had fun. So break out of the routine, and I think, you know, our brains are really wired to have sort of a negative bias, and so we tend to look for what's wrong. We forget to look for what's right, which kind of comes back to that gratitude. It's like, make up a list of everything your partner does right, and then shower that with them every day. Give them three things from that list that goes, "You know, I love this about you, and I love this about us." And, and make, make it more fun to be together. Laugh more. These are the things that can really, uh, reconnect you.

Willow 19:10

Mm. One of the things I think I did at one point in one of my relationships was I used to, um, write little notes, you know, and then, like, stick them in different places. Whether I'd fold them up and put them in the wallet or I'd, you know, do a sticky note on the, the rearview mirror of their car or something, somewhere where it was, like, a little surprise to them. And it could be as simple as, "I love you," or a little heart, or it could be something a little bit more robust like, "I love the way you cook dinner for me." You know, something like that. Okay. Ready for the next question?

Leah 19:44

Yeah

Willow 19:45

"I'm curious about polyamory, but I don't know how to bring it up with my partner. What's a good way to start this conversation?" So I feel like the word polyamory in and of itself is... can be a little bit loaded and really, like, trigger people. Um, so there's other words out there, like just opening up the relationship or ethical non-monogamy

How to Discuss Polyamory

Willow 20:05

or monogamish, you know? And so, um, I think, uh, language can be really important when opening up this conversation, and always just opening it up with curiosity. "Hey, I've had this curiosity. Do you have any curiosity in that direction?"

Leah 20:24

Yeah. I'm really glad that, um, you asked, uh, how do I get the conversation started, which is different from how do we get this going? Like, I'm gonna jump into polyamory right now. I think it's really smart to go slow when it comes to opening up your relationship, um, to having more intimacy with other people. I think also having a shared experience where you listen maybe to a podcast episode on polyamory together, and you're asking your partner, "Hey, what do you think about this? What are your thoughts on open relationship? What scares you about it? And what... Is there anything that excites you about it?" and ask them what they think before... instead of starting necessarily with what your desires are, which could cause that feeling of threat off the, um... That way, and I think also when you, when you start asking them what they think and feel about things, it, it doesn't necessarily lead with defensiveness for them. Now, it still could bring up lots of different feelings, especially if they're dead set against it. and also before you hop into bed with other people, I would, I would really encourage you to work with a polyamory coach or non-monogamy coach so that you have some really great tools, to help you through any sticky points, 'cause there's gonna be sticky points. it is a path that very rarely is super smooth sailing. And then, you know, you can sort of make it all about curiosity, not about action at first, so that you two are, or three not yet, not three. You're not yet. Um, are in real inquiry about all the different corners that this brings up for you, from titillation to, fear of scarcity. You know, uh, fantasies, um, you know, is it that you wanna have sex with other people, or maybe you just wanna be sensual with other people? There's so many ways to have an open relationship that could be, um... it does- it's not always all or nothing. Sometimes it's just about having, you know, cuddle buddy friends and people who, you know, it might be a little bit of genital touching, or it might not be any genital touching. There's so much range. So it's, this just isn't a simple answer question. One book I would recommend reading is, um, The Ethical Slut, because they've got some tools and ways for you to think and talk about the subject.

Willow 23:00

Mm-hmm. I think also, um, right, like once you do kind of get through the initial conversation and if you guys decide, "Okay, yeah, let's, uh, let's explore. You know, you wanna have this experience with others. Uh, okay. Yeah, I wouldn't mind having that experience with others." Okay. And then write it down. Like, this is where a third-party therapist or coach can come in really handy is to, like, get it, get it in writing what your sort of boundaries and parameters are for this, um, first level of exploration. Because so quickly, um, you know, things can go off in some other direction and you're like, "Wait, I didn't agree to that," and then it feels like a betrayal. It feels like a breach in trust. So, um, it can be really useful to have everyone on the same page. There's so many books out, "Polysecure." There's, um, you know, so many books out to read around how to do this well and with, uh, the least amount of rupture. But I think that, you know, if you're in a strong, healthy relationship, that's another thing. Sometimes people wanna open up the relationship because things are just not healthy, they're rocky, they're going in the wrong direction. That's probably not the right time to open up the relationship unless you just wanna end it and that's how you wanna end it. Um, we certainly have seen that in our practice plenty. But, um, but you know, if it's a good, strong, healthy relationship and you're like, "Yeah, we just wanna explore more. We wanna, you know, see what else is out there," or one of you does and you wanna open that up to the other person, then it can actually really enhance and deepen your connection quite a bit. So, I would say these days too, with, with that being more acceptable and a lot more people exploring it at all ages and different stages in life, um, there's, there's just a lot more, you know, support around it, education around it. So, so don't be afraid to bring it up. 'Cause sometimes even just talking about, like, bringing in a third person or you being with somebody else while they go be with somebody else, sometimes that's just, like, titillating enough, just the conversation, and it can make your sex that much hotter. So, you know, it could, could just be that's all you need. So don't, don't be afraid to bring it up. If it's in your heart, if it keeps coming up in your mind over and over again, then it's a conversation worth having.

Leah 25:29

we had an interview with Dr. Joli Hamilton on jealousy, and she's someone who, has a lot of experience and is very well known in the polyamory space. Look up that episode if you'd like some more information from us

Willow 25:43

Absolutely. another question we got is, "I often feel guilty after setting boundaries around sex, like I'm being selfish. So how do I know when I'm taking care of myself versus pushing them away?"

Leah 25:59

That's a really great question because it can be both. Sometimes you are pushing someone away and someone away with your boundaries, and you're using your boundaries to control someone versus staying safe. So your boundaries are an important skill set

Boundaries Without Guilt

Leah 26:16

to have in relationships, to honor yourself, honor your partner, to insist on respect, and to help yourself, feel safe so that you can remain open. But a lot of people will use boundaries, the name of boundaries and the right to have boundaries to enforce some sort of control over someone. So I think it's really important that you understand the difference between healthy boundaries and, uh, the manipulative type of boundaries.

Willow 26:48

Mm-hmm. I feel like boundaries also are, uh, they can, they can shift and they can change. They're not like rules. They're not set in stone, you know? So they can shift and change as you shift and change

Leah 26:59

people, those boundaries are rules.

Willow 27:02

Yes,

Leah 27:02

never wanna be touched in a certain way or whatnot

Willow 27:06

That's what I was just about to say is like I, I often will break down boundaries into sort of like two, two legs, which is like requests and requirements. You know? So if it's like, "Hey, I'd really like you to, you know, go down on me every Sunday afternoon, but if you don't, I'll stay with you and it'll be fine." You know, that's a request boundary. But if you're like, "Hey, I really need you to go down on me every Sunday afternoon, because if you don't, that's gonna be the undoing of our relationship at some point." Like, that's more of a requirement. So getting really clear inside of yourself about what is, what is your boundary? Is it a loose request or is it more of a requirement? Where, where do you stand with it? And that could shift and change too, as you shift and change. So staying current, staying, um, you know, committed to talking about boundaries I think is really important, especially in... Well, I was gonna say especially like in the earlier stages, but really in all stages of relationship. Yeah. It's the whole way through.

Leah 28:13

Yeah, and I think a good measurement is just like watch your sensations. You know? Boundaries are self-care and boundaries are not at the heart, it's selfishness. I- it's not selfish at all to have boundaries. It is self-full. It is so important for the health of our relationships and for the integrity of our relationships. It's really okay to say no. And it's also okay to change your mind about something. But are you doing it from a place of pressure or are you doing it from a place of true desire? So we have to really sort of notice, do I feel more peace? Do I feel more safe? And do I feel more open when this boundary is in place and it's respected?

Willow 28:57

Mm-hmm.

Leah 28:58

So really sort of notice your body sensations is another kind of somatic approach to really understanding boundaries. And sometimes for people, especially people who've had a lot of boundary crossing in their past, who've had sexual trauma in their past, boundaries can feel confusing because it can feel like I'm not allowed to have boundaries because someone violated them in the past. Or I have to have boundaries because I have to... I'm sorting out can I trust again? You know, and so boundaries can be of such an important part of healing and, um, and to stay really in your agency, that you've got agency over yourself and you allow yourself to have that and, um, and really ask for your partners to care for you in that way. Yeah, it- it's so important that we don't feel guilty about our boundaries

Willow 29:50

I was just gonna say everything you're speaking to is really the antidote to the feeling of feeling guilty about them because, um, you know, a lot-- like you said, like sometimes the, the guilt is coming up because of some other past time, some other previous imprint experience, you know? So this is your opportunity to bring that up and heal it right here and now. So don't, don't let it slide

Leah 30:15

And, and I think it can be really helpful when you share with someone when this boundary isn't honored, it impacts me like this.

Willow 30:23

Yeah

Leah 30:24

I'm at, these are the thoughts that arise. These are the feelings that happen. This is the r- the resentment that gets, um, uh, that comes to the surface. So when you don't honor this boundary, I don't feel cared for. I don't feel seen. I don't feel like you are really listening. It shuts my heart down. It makes me wanna avoid sex. You know, like, get really clear about the impact of that boundary not being respected so that they can understand what it's doing and how it's, you know... Having a hard time with words today. Um, just like, yeah, bottom line how it impacts you. I don't think I have to overexplain it.

Willow 31:08

You're doing great, actually. You're very eloquent this morning. Um, um, should we do one more question?

Leah 31:16

Sure

Willow 31:17

Okay. "I've been struggling with body image and it's making me less confident during intimacy. How can I work on loving my body and feeling sexy again?"

Leah 31:26

Oh, it's such a, it's such a s- a tender one

Willow 31:29

And we can all relate.

Leah 31:31

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think it's, it's... One of the things that can be really helpful is that you bring your attention on your sensuality, less on what you th- you are perceiving by looking at an image of yourself, and more going inside of your body and sensing and feeling what feels good in your body, what feels lovely. So it's like close your eyes, and then feel and caress your skin. Notice the curves or the edges. Even sometimes

Body Image and Feeling Sexy

Leah 32:06

I'll do this with, like, my, um, stretch marks. I will trace my stretch marks with, uh, so much curiosity, and I'll notice their sensitivity. I'll notice that, that I like the texture and the different textures of those stretch marks as compared to my smoother skin. Like, I'll really go inside and imagine the sensuality of my stretch marks instead of thinking of them as something that isn't appealing. Can I feel them deeply, meditatively with depth of presence so that I can enjoy these... And I've got, I've got a tummy tuck scar. I've got, uh, scars around my nipples. Like, I've got these other scars, and I enjoy massaging them. Like, I am just relaxing the inflammation, and I like... Like, my scars kind of have an ache. There's a tenderness underneath the skin, and it kind of brings a bit of pleasure. I kinda like the way when I smooth it out with my thumb, I can send this ripple of sensation. Part of it's achy, and I don't know why, but I have got get off there. So I think you have to sort of think about, you know, how can I feel my skin? I think this really helps with your eyes closed to just, like, really get into it so that you're in your body and you're experiencing yourself in a different way, not in this critical way where I'm in front of a mirror and I'm picking myself apart, and how's anyone gonna find me desirable?

Willow 33:39

Yeah. Here's the truth about, looking sexy. It's not, uh, it's if you're feeling sexy, you're looking sexy, no matter what body you're in, no matter what age you are, no matter what color you are, no matter what shape you are. It's like that is what... And so oftentimes, you know, we both work with plenty of women who are like, "I don't like my body," you know? And it's like, well, we'll guide them and teach them how to breathe into their body, how to feel the sensuousness of a single breath, how to move their spine, how to, get into the, the little nooks and crannies of their body that want more energy and more breath and more movement and more light. And then once they're kind of in that fluid flow, I mean, music helps a lot. Once you're in that kind of rhythm and dance within your own body of like, "Oh, that feels good. That feels good when I push my booty back. That feels good when I open my jaw. That feels good when I stretch my arm in this direction. That feels good in my body. That breath, I'm bringing it all the way down to my pussy. That feels good." And then glance in the mirror. "Oh, yeah. Okay. That looks good too."

Leah 34:52

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, that is so true. I, I really love that. And you have to remember, this isn't about performance.

Willow 35:00

No. Not-- It's take performance out

Leah 35:03

Yeah, so the performance is gonna get you in your head, and it's gonna stop you in your tracks. This is really about sinking deep, and your breath is such a powerful way to get there. And I think, too, one of the things that for a lot of men that I work with that they feel insecure about is their cock size. You know? Like, is it big enough? And will I be able to satisfy the object of my desire? everyone wants to feel sort of impressive, you know? And so I just wanna remind men that it's not how big you are that makes you a great lover. It's how much love and energy you can put out your cock that makes you a great lover. And you can energetically be as big as you want to. And you just gotta, again, use that breath and feel the fullness of your magnificence and feel it growing and extending. And when you're really loving someone well, you can, you're fucking them open, not just at their genital zones, but you can fuck them open into their belly, into their heart, into their throat, into their brain. You can fuck them wide open to every part of their system with that energy cock. And so I think this is also a mindset shift of being able to know that you're more powerful than you can imagine, and you go beyond your skin. And that has a great, um, that's a great force field for good and for pleasure.

Willow 36:24

Absolutely. And so much fun too. Our bodies are playgrounds. Like, let's play with them. Let's have fun with them. I like to think about my partner's body as a canvas, and I'm just painting on this beautiful canvas, painting pleasure, painting love, painting attention, attunement, connection. And I mean, if everyone got painted on every morning before breakfast, we'd be walking around in a different world for sure. So, um, you know, paint on yourself, paint on your partners, and, uh, don't be shy.

Leah 36:59

Yeah.

Willow 37:00

for all the amazing questions, you guys. These were great questions. Keep them coming. This is a fun style episode for us, and we love to support you in, what you are most, uh, in the moment with

Leah 37:14

Yeah. So if you've got questions that you'd like us to answer on air, please email them to support@sexreimagined.com and, uh, your question could be featured next. Thank you so much. Love, love, love

37:26

Thanks for tuning in. This episode was hosted by Tantric Sex Master Coach and Positive Psychology Facilitator, Leah Piper, as well as by Chinese and Functional Medicine Doctor and Taoist Sexology Teacher, Dr. Willow Brown. Don't forget, your comments, likes, subscribes, and suggestions matter. Let's realize this new world together