Whine & Dine

Dating Talk: LGBTQ+ Perspectives

September 30, 2023 Miguel G. Season 1 Episode 12
Dating Talk: LGBTQ+ Perspectives
Whine & Dine
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Whine & Dine
Dating Talk: LGBTQ+ Perspectives
Sep 30, 2023 Season 1 Episode 12
Miguel G.

Ever wondered why relationships can feel like navigating a complex labyrinth? Join us on a journey with our guests Louie, Ed, James, and Derrek, who share their personal experiences, from being single for decades to learning from failed relationships. They weigh in on finding the perfect partner, the impact of the modern dating world, and the complexities of hook-up culture.

We explore the unique challenges faced by LGBTQ+ relationships, including overcoming over-sexualization and considering open relationships. We also emphasize the importance of lifelong companionship and the significance of Pride, its evolution, and its relevance today. 

Get ready for a conversation about the overlooked stigma linked to HIV. Our guests share personal experiences, including funny stories about encounters with celebrities and perspectives on how the LGBTQ+ community is perceived during Pride events. The discussion finishes with a comparison of American and British accents, debunking common misconceptions. Don't miss out on this energetic and insightful chat.

Tune in for a conversation that promises to be enlightening, entertaining, and profoundly personal.

Support the Show.

https://linktr.ee/lifeofmiguel07

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Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Ever wondered why relationships can feel like navigating a complex labyrinth? Join us on a journey with our guests Louie, Ed, James, and Derrek, who share their personal experiences, from being single for decades to learning from failed relationships. They weigh in on finding the perfect partner, the impact of the modern dating world, and the complexities of hook-up culture.

We explore the unique challenges faced by LGBTQ+ relationships, including overcoming over-sexualization and considering open relationships. We also emphasize the importance of lifelong companionship and the significance of Pride, its evolution, and its relevance today. 

Get ready for a conversation about the overlooked stigma linked to HIV. Our guests share personal experiences, including funny stories about encounters with celebrities and perspectives on how the LGBTQ+ community is perceived during Pride events. The discussion finishes with a comparison of American and British accents, debunking common misconceptions. Don't miss out on this energetic and insightful chat.

Tune in for a conversation that promises to be enlightening, entertaining, and profoundly personal.

Support the Show.

https://linktr.ee/lifeofmiguel07

Speaker 1:

Music Hi, everyone, welcome back, hi guys. Hi, I was gonna introduce you, but yeah, let you do that instead. So what's gonna happen is my guests I have four guests right, I can count, so they're gonna introduce themselves and then we'll jump right into it. So I'm gonna start with you.

Speaker 2:

Hi, my name is Louis Nice, to meet you all, louis where you from. I'm from Yorkshire.

Speaker 1:

Okay, where about you? I'm gonna you wear the hat, couldn't hear of it. Introduce yourself.

Speaker 3:

Oh yeah you. Oh sorry, sorry, sorry, I've had lots of ghillies, sorry, hi. My name is Edward. I'm from South Africa.

Speaker 1:

Hi Edward.

Speaker 4:

And I'm James. I live in Manchester, but I'm staying in London for the weekend with Ed.

Speaker 1:

With Ed. Yeah, but you're from Manchester, right, and from Manchester.

Speaker 4:

I live in Manchester, yes.

Speaker 5:

Okay, last but not least, and I'm Derek and I'm from Seattle. Well, I live in Seattle, I'm from.

Speaker 1:

San Diego, from San Diego, which I've been, by the way, a lovely place, okay. So it's all right. So, okay, so we're gonna talk about relationships and whatnot. So I'm just gonna ask you what's your current relationship status and how long have you been in a relationship or single for?

Speaker 2:

Well, I've been in a relationship for Well, I haven't actually been in a relationship before, so the whole dating world is completely new to me and I think it's quite complex.

Speaker 1:

I couldn't agree more. Okay, fair enough. So you've been single for how long?

Speaker 2:

Well, to be honest, I've never been in a relationship.

Speaker 1:

And how long is that? Many years.

Speaker 2:

It's been about 29 years of my life.

Speaker 1:

There you go, there you go. I agree with you, though Like it's very complicated Can be, I think, especially in London. But then we'll get to that. What about you, ed?

Speaker 3:

I've been single for about, I'd say, five years. I was going off the sky, then he left and then he's now married with kids with another guy. So yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

And how long were you in a relationship with him?

Speaker 3:

sorry, I would say yeah, yeah, yeah, fine.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so who broke up with?

Speaker 3:

who? Oh, he broke up with me just because I was a really bad boyfriend. I'd moved to London, I was in Amur, so many boys, so many clubs, and he just wanted to stay home all the time. You know, cook and eat and just be reader-only. And I was like Like a husband material.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah, I think I was like overwhelmed. I was like, you know, you'd go to the post office, they'd stick the post office. You'd go to Asda, they'd stick Asda, you know. So it was just everywhere. But he had lived in London, he was Irish, so he was used to London. I was just like wow.

Speaker 1:

But you lived in Manchester, right?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, Manchester. Yeah that's how you met James?

Speaker 1:

I think yes yes, yes, yes, I remember seeing you in Canal Street, but obviously I didn't know you. But I recognised you from there. Yeah, yeah you can't miss him. No, you can't miss me either. Okay, so what about you, Derek?

Speaker 5:

So I guess I've been technically single for about 13 years. But who's counting? I've dated, you know, in that time Like I wouldn't say like long term, but I've had some like pretty serious sort of relationships in that time that just didn't work out for one reason or another.

Speaker 1:

Were there relationships or were there situations?

Speaker 5:

I wouldn't call it a situations, it was just one of them was a guy who was not in love with. We tried to make it work for a while and I think it did. And what I liked about that one was that, like we didn't see each other very often because we were both busy and we both understood each other's time. It was nice when we did see each other and I'm also just I'm the kind of person where, like, I don't want to see you all the time, like, don't bother me. Yeah, needy space. Like the idea of like and I want to get married eventually, but like the idea of like, being married and coming home after work and someone being there wanting to talk to you is just like gross.

Speaker 1:

Did you say that was 13 years ago?

Speaker 5:

No, this was like that I'm not talking about like that like my last relationship, just like one of the you know. Since then I'm one of the people I dated, you know, it was just, it was nice, you know. But eventually we both realized that like we didn't match very well and we kind of like broke up on mutual terms, even though I was still like madly in love with him.

Speaker 1:

But why did you break up with him? Because you wanted your own space, or no, no, it was just.

Speaker 5:

We just realized that we just weren't good together.

Speaker 3:

It wasn't unrequited love, was it? What do you mean by that? So it wasn't like you were like in love with him and then he wasn't in love with you.

Speaker 5:

I think that my feelings were like were stronger for him than his feelings were for me. But either way, like there came a time where, like you know, we just realized that we weren't good together and we kind of we kind of like both at the same time came to that conclusion. So that made it nice. And then last guy I dated was also someone who I so madly in love with. I love love and just, I was also I guess not a good quote, unquote boyfriend I'm not sure if I can call myself that, but yeah it just we can get into that.

Speaker 5:

I was, I don't know. I was just not ready for it. I guess. I felt like I think I was insecure. It was also a very weird situation that we were in, so I had a lot of guilt that I had to deal with and so it just did not work out because of that, yeah. But yeah, I like, besides that, like those are the since my last relationship 13 years ago, those like really main, like, yeah, involvement that I've been with.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, now that was fair enough. What about you, james? How long have you been single for, and what?

Speaker 4:

I would say I've been single for about 15 years. There have been I would say it was more of a what you call a situation ship. In more recent years, for example, someone that I'd spoken to for many, many years like stayed in the UK for six months before he moved on somewhere else. So that was kind of the situation through us together and he lived with me for five months.

Speaker 1:

Is that the one I'm thinking of?

Speaker 4:

Most probably because you didn't meet Okay, so yes that's definitely him.

Speaker 1:

But you had, you had a situation, ship or whatever that was with someone else recently. No, didn't you go on holiday with him. Do you remember last year or something?

Speaker 4:

No, it's just me creating stories in my mind, sorry, so so I know what you're thinking of, but it's a lot more casual than that. It's not a relationship or situation ship, it's. It's just a friendship with some dick.

Speaker 1:

Got it, got it. I was like beautiful, so okay. So what are you now, as in all of you so, are you looking for love or are you looking for hookups? What's your mindset at the moment?

Speaker 4:

I think I've given up on love. Hookup is totally fine.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

To be honest, like I keep myself to myself, to be honest, and you know I do like hook up with people now and then, which is, you know, normal I suppose. But I've been dating at the moment with well, she's been going on dates and they're being going really really well. I've had like really good positive dates, and I think it's more because I'm in a good place. So that's just good for me at the moment.

Speaker 1:

What would you call yourself a serial data now?

Speaker 2:

A serial data? Yeah, not a serial data. I'd say that I'm quite you know, I know who I want to date and you know, like if you don't go well the first time, I know that I won't probably see them again, because you know, you trust your instincts.

Speaker 1:

I know what you mean. Yeah, I mean I'm a bit, I'm a bit split about that when it comes to me, because I know, yeah, so you don't want to settle just with anyone for anyone, really, Not anyone but like for, for, for, for.

Speaker 1:

If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. But sometimes I think people are really I think people are love living in the with the fear of missing out, and I think that happens a lot in big cities. But then I could be wrong. But I just think sometimes we're probably missing out if we're on that fast lane, at least in London, in Manchester maybe.

Speaker 2:

I just for me, like one thing I always see, like the qualities in people and you know you always say to yourself, what qualities are you actually settling for? Like for me, one of the qualities I settle for in a person is respect, and respect is really important for me. And if they're not respecting me and they're not like really like, you know understanding me, then you know see you later, goodbye, yeah, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1:

What about you, guys? I?

Speaker 5:

I don't know, I feel like I have bad luck with dating. But you know, at this, you know, like I said, I love love. And you know, eventually I would like to get married. And you know, live the quote, unquote American dream which was, like, you know, white ticket fans, 2.5 kids, you know. So I would like that. But the older I get, the more I feel like it's not going to happen, the wiser you get you mean oh, the wiser you get.

Speaker 1:

Do you get more cynical?

Speaker 5:

I don't know, maybe I just it's hard to explain Do you?

Speaker 2:

do you manifest your sorry? Do you manifest your question? Do you travel a lot? Do you explore, do you meet different new people?

Speaker 5:

I don't really like.

Speaker 2:

I haven't really had the opportunity to travel much until this year, because the only reason why I'm asking you that is because, like, do you stay in the same environment with the same people? Are you not meeting new people where you can build relationships with people?

Speaker 5:

I know because, I mean I've only lived in Seattle for four years. Right and one thing since I've been here, I think that my focus has been on making friends and not so much on dating.

Speaker 2:

I think that's really important and the reason for that. I think it's really important to build happy, healthy relationships. When it comes to friends, you know you need good people around you that are going to bring you up and bring you a lot of positivity. If you've got people around you that are like not a toxic or, you know, like being bad vibes, you've got to have a good circle around you that not just keep you strong, your friends strong as well.

Speaker 1:

And I love that you mentioned that, because I think I cannot assume anyone's lives, but I'm talking on my behalf here. So when I moved to London, yes, I still wanted to find the one, and I've learned from my mistakes, from a few Bailapples here in London. But I also think when you move to a new place, it's hard to fit in like straight away. I'm not sure about you, because I know you're not from London either, but I also think it's. Some of us live in a bubble and I think sometimes you need to step out to see what else is around, not just the bubble that we live in. I'm talking about especially people who love clubbing, love going out, and they think the world is all about that, and I think it becomes harder to date someone.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 5:

So when I moved here, it was really important. I decided that I wasn't going to date or even think about dating until at least a year after I moved here. My focus was, and still has been, making friends and building my support group and, you know, like finding new people and you know, to just have new experiences with and I'm someone who's very introverted, so I don't get out very often. I don't really go out often. You know, lately I've been trying to change that and kind of be more social. But you know my focus has not so much been on dating but it is something that I've been trying to do more often, you know, and I kind of like in college I went through like my quote unquote horror phase.

Speaker 5:

I was hooking up all the time and you know I've had some major consequences from that. But I kind of at least I personally feel like I've like grown past that and now I'm less interested in hooking up, more interested in like the kind of you know, the friendship with Dick. You know friends of benefit yeah, friends of benefits, you know I and it was like one experience in San Diego where I went to meet this guy to hook up with him and he lived like less than a mile away, so I just walked over to his place and tension was a hookup and we did not like we didn't have sex at all Because all we did was talk and it was just such a great conversation I liked feeling really fulfilled.

Speaker 1:

But was that the reason? Was that the reason or was, was there not any attraction? Is that why you kept?

Speaker 5:

talking. No, I was and still am very attracted to this person when it's a mutual feeling, it's just having that experience of like meeting someone, having such a great conversation and like really connecting. I walked away from that, realizing that like I can no longer just have sex with someone random, like I need some sort of connection with them personally and so like that's kind of how it's been for me lately. So, like you know, I don't have as much sex as I would like, but what I do it's great because like I have the connection with that person.

Speaker 1:

So you're all about a connection instead of just an emollistic. Let's just fucking say what about you guys, adam James.

Speaker 4:

I think I get what you're saying about the conversation. I've had that sort of situation once or twice before where you've gone to meet someone and there's been, you've just clicked, you've had a great conversation and you get to a point in that conversation where you kind of can't go back and sort of go down the dick route.

Speaker 1:

No, it's just awkward after that.

Speaker 4:

It's not going to happen, but it doesn't mean you think any less of them.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, I think the same people. I mean, we've had sex since then. Yeah, just that night it didn't happen because you were just so into the conversation. But I do get what you're saying too, because, like, sometimes it becomes more of a friendship than a friendship.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, what about you, ed?

Speaker 4:

I mean lots of my friends will probably think me and Ed have something going on. Yeah, and it's like we've known each other for 20 years and nothing's ever happened and nothing's going to happen, because if it was going to happen, it would have happened a long time ago. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, do you feel like you're more into hookups? Are you also looking for a connection, like Derek does? What's your mindset at the moment, ed?

Speaker 3:

I'll say hookups, yeah, I mean yeah, I'll meet somebody and I'll be like, yeah, no chatting, don't say hi, I won't say hi.

Speaker 1:

I mean grind the culture.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, just kind of bag over your face and we'll just get this over with yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3:

And after you can ask for their names right, sorry.

Speaker 1:

And after you can ask for their names.

Speaker 3:

No, it's just like not even long to come over and it's like I don't want a therapy session. I'm just a morning. I just want to get off you know, not a therapy session yeah, and if, honestly, I speak to my friends, I'll speak to my friends. I just, yeah, and I'm like I've come, you've come, ok, yeah, yeah, it's. I don't know if that's good or bad.

Speaker 1:

I don't think there's anything like a wrong here, that's my client. Yeah, that's, that's my client.

Speaker 3:

I get off mentally.

Speaker 1:

Oh, wow.

Speaker 5:

That's a conversation, yeah yeah, really. Yeah, that conversation can get me off mentally.

Speaker 3:

And now we know.

Speaker 1:

Do you have any dating apps? I mean, that's a silly question, but do you guys have any dating apps that you want to talk about?

Speaker 4:

So you know, is there really such thing as a gay dating app, or just gay Huckle?

Speaker 1:

Actually I think Bumble is more, more inclined for people, more inclined to date.

Speaker 5:

I would agree. I would agree, I think, bumble and Hinge. I've had a good experience with Hinge. Bumble I never use for dating because I use that actually for like that. So when I went to Seattle, my focus was on making friends and Bumble was the first app that I downloaded for that purpose, because they have a certain mode for making friends, right, and now it's a separate app. Yeah, so I just use it for making friends and it's worked great. But, interestingly, like I'm going on and on about like oh you know, I don't really care about hookups and things like that, but, like, the main app I use is Grindr.

Speaker 1:

Grindr, yeah, what about yours?

Speaker 5:

And I, you know, grindr, scratch all those, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:

Grindr is from my name too.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah, I say Grindr yeah.

Speaker 1:

I've got all of them, but I get bored on all of them as well.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, I think Grindr is the default in most parts of the world. Yeah, you can fire that up in any city. Wherever you're playing lond, you can fire up Grindr yeah.

Speaker 1:

That's a very good point. Though that's a very good point which I was going to mention. Do you think we're over sexualized as a community or so-called community?

Speaker 4:

Well, it depends what you mean by over sexualized, over by whose?

Speaker 1:

measure by? Well, I'll tell you, by the, actually, I don't know, by the patriarchy, no, by the by our society. I mean, we're not alone in the society, there's more people, there's straight people, and I think, in comparison, people do accuse us of being more over sexualized, and I'm not. Sometimes I just debate within myself. Is that true? Is that not true?

Speaker 4:

So I think we're just upfront and honest about it. Yeah, that's probably.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, like because I think in a heterosexual relationship you have the man and you know male and female, and I think men in general are just more like outwardly horny and then to put a man and a man together just just makes it more like obvious.

Speaker 5:

I feel like, yeah, so I. So I think that's that's. I feel like that's one of the reasons why, yeah, but yeah, I think I'm back and forth, like sometimes I'm like, oh, like, why does pride have to be so how it is? Like? You know, I'm all about being prideful, but why does it have to be so Over sexualized? But then, at the same time, I'm like, well, I kind of get it, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

What do you?

Speaker 2:

think. Well, I think like in like a man and woman relationship, like the man always wants sex and the woman just wants love. So, like you know, it's a bit different when it comes to like a man and man relationship, because when they want, you know, when they want to have sex, they just have sex, whereas like women and men, they play a bit more hard to get.

Speaker 1:

So, so you think it's biological, so it's a biological thing.

Speaker 2:

Well, I think when a man wants to like fuck, they just fuck, whereas when a woman like will choose like a man to like love them first before they give them sex, something like that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I also think there's like an historical background about this, because we were oppressed years and years ago. So we still are to some extent. But I do think when we, when we were granted more rights, we kind of didn't know what to do. So we were more inclined to just follow our biological instincts, which is, we're animals really. We want sex and that's it.

Speaker 4:

But two points, two points, although. Even if you go back to the days sort of decades before we were born, when when everything was like illegal here, it didn't stop it happening and and men being men were hanging around outside public toilets and God knows what, I had an interested conversation with someone sometime back. He no, he'd probably be 70 years old, but he told me that when he was like 14, 15, 16, he went and hung around public toilets and had sex with men and he's like. He said that like those men weren't being predatory towards him in any way. If anything, it was the other way around.

Speaker 1:

So why do you think?

Speaker 3:

I just think it's like if you, you know, rewind the clocks back a hundred years, the Victorians they suppressed sex men would walk around in contraptions be underway, so it would have spikes in the underwear so it would stop the men getting erections, and that was that was dealt with to stop, you know, stop sexual deviancy. But I just feel like we're sexual beings and it's like, you know, it's always trying to be repressed. The Victorians tried it. It didn't work. We're trying it. Yeah, we're just sexual beings.

Speaker 5:

I mean, because even before that wasn't it like, wasn't it like the Romans or the Greeks, or bones, who were like yeah, yeah, yeah, to promote each other.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

Speaker 5:

In history. We just go back and forth as to, like you know, our views on, you know, male and male sex, and it's just so interesting. Yeah, and it's funny, when you brought up the, the like sneaking around the toilet, you know he was 14 or 15. Because I, you know, I feel like that's still very prevalent now today.

Speaker 2:

But like one thing I was like we are talking about the sex topic, I feel like this is more to life than just sex.

Speaker 1:

It's not just it's not just about sex.

Speaker 2:

It's about you know, like if you one day find someone that you actually love, that's more important than sex, because that's what keeps you together. And you know, I see a lot of like relationships, where they're in gay relationships and they're in open relationships. And to me, I'm thinking to myself how can you be in an open relationship if you're having sex with other people? I just don't understand it.

Speaker 2:

But for me like wherever flirt should be, at the end of the day, like you know, none of my business. But if I had a boyfriend and I was dating them and it got serious and you know whatever went on, and you know, like I just don't understand open relationships because I don't understand how it just doesn't, I don't understand how it works.

Speaker 1:

I agree, I think.

Speaker 2:

I think you got to be united by just two people and then you know, I think it's really unhealthy to like being in a relationship and then having like other people. I just find it really like just odd.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean straight or gay. I mean, I agree with you. I think we're more than just actually, we're more than just being gays. But obviously we're talking about is what this topic is about. But I also think, yeah, there's more to it. When you find a partner, something that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Really, if you're a romantic, I think sex is very secondary, and also I agree with you on the open relationship, each to their own, as we all agree, I think.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I agree, I also agree, I also agree.

Speaker 4:

At the same time, I think, if you're in a relationship, I think you need not only do you need to be attracted to that person, you need to click with that person, you need to bond, but I think you need a healthy sex life with that person. Yeah, if you don't have a healthy sex life, one of them is going to either you or the other person is going to start looking for it somewhere else. And that's where you go to the open relationship.

Speaker 1:

So you would have an open relationship. You'd be in an open relationship.

Speaker 4:

I would not want an open relationship because I'd be forever jealous of what they're doing no. I'm wanting to know what they're doing.

Speaker 2:

I wouldn't really understand it, to be honest, like I don't even understand how it will even come about, but like if I even got that inkling off my pattern, I'd be like see you later. There's the keys, goodbye.

Speaker 1:

I've noticed that some of them jumps. Sorry, derek, I'll just say this one thing.

Speaker 2:

To me, it's not about jealousy, it's about like you know you don't get it.

Speaker 1:

Well, it is not, is not devoted to me, so I'd be like I think a lot of open relationships happen because they don't want to break up, and I think it's the last resort and I think a lot of couples you know subjugate themselves to that because they still like one another.

Speaker 5:

But they don't want to.

Speaker 1:

just I think they freak out with the idea of this is it for the rest of my life? So they do jump in open relationships. I don't want to be unfair to anyone because you know I don't care, I'm just. My opinion is I couldn't be in one.

Speaker 2:

Sorry, Derek yeah.

Speaker 5:

So on the first point I agree. Like you know and it kind of went back to my point of like I prefer a connection over sex. You know this, obviously the sex is great but, like you know, there is more to life personally than just sex.

Speaker 5:

Roger's thinking just like I think at this point, like I, like I said, I went through my heart base and now I'm kind of over that. Meanwhile, I have a friend of mine who, while I was in my heart base, he was in a long term relationship and I think after a while they opened it up. But but now he's single and now he's in his heart base and it's just so interesting to see that and like to see how. Like how the fact that now he's single and just like able to like be free and whatever, like he's now just like you know, every conversation we have, we talk like every day he's like oh, I just got hooked up with some new guy. I'm like all right there we go.

Speaker 5:

So I think you know it kind of. I feel like it kind of depends somewhat on where someone is in their life, what they're looking for, because, like he, he's already had, sort of that, I guess, love of his life, you know, and now he's kind of just over that and wanted to explore which he hasn't been able to do. Me I've already explored and now I'm just looking for that love of my life. And then, as far as open relationships goes, I also I'm not, I'm not really for it. Like, personally I understand it.

Speaker 5:

What I don't understand is so I've been involved with men who were in open relationships and open marriages. Even the guy who I was referring to before, who I had that great conversation with, he was in an open marriage. But these are people who have been together for a while and then open it up later on, which that I can see. What I don't understand is like when you start a relationship open because to me you're just dating there has to be a line between a relationship like dating and a relationship. And when you're in an open relationship to begin with, then there's, like you know, I think it makes sense to do it later on.

Speaker 3:

I'll have, like guys that are in open relationships message me saying, oh, would you like to play? And I'm like no, go play with your boyfriend.

Speaker 1:

If I had a diamond, exactly.

Speaker 3:

If you have a boyfriend, go sleep with your boyfriend. That's why we're together. You know, don't come with me, it's no.

Speaker 5:

And it just feels. It just feels selfish to me because I'm like I'm over here trying to find the love of my life.

Speaker 1:

And you're like, oh, right there.

Speaker 5:

You found your boyfriend.

Speaker 3:

You're trying to keep it going out. It's gross.

Speaker 5:

It's just so gross you know, enjoy each other for as long as you can like together. And then if it gets to the point where you've been together for a long time and you want to spice things up, talk about it. Obviously it involves a lot of trust, a lot of communication. But you know, I think it's, I think it's something that should happen later on in a relationship, not in the beginning. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I agree with that, I think. If it does, I don't know. I just yeah, just be single or, like you know, don't yeah.

Speaker 1:

I think that's why I've been single for five years Because I don't, I don't.

Speaker 4:

It becomes more of it's, more of a business arrangement.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah yeah, it's like that's perfect. Yes, that's perfect phrase.

Speaker 4:

Absolutely, you know, because it works for you economically to live at the same address. Yeah, To share the same power or do whatever it is, you're going to be single.

Speaker 5:

You're not single. The economy is not. Yeah, it's not it. It's expensive to be single.

Speaker 1:

Now it's not convenient, is it?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, my one rule is I don't sleep with people that are in relationships or couples. I'm like, yeah, I'm pretty much.

Speaker 5:

At that point I'm the same way, like, yeah, and it's interesting too, because when I moved from San Diego to Seattle, like San Diego I didn't know many people in open relationships and back then I was like I didn't really care. But then when I moved to Seattle, the moment I opened up Brander, like about like 85% of people were in open relationships. Yeah, and I'm like what? Like it was almost a culture shock to me. I was like what is this? Like where are the single people?

Speaker 5:

I know, and even now it's so hard and I even put on my profile like I'm not looking for partnering men, like a partner. Anyway, like you know, there are a few exceptions to that, but it's like, you know, it just makes it so hard for me and that's probably why, you know, I don't have sex for like months at a time, because it's like everyone who hits me up is in a relationship. I'm just like I don't want to deal with that. Just go speak with a boyfriend, go speak with a boyfriend. But you know my friend who's in his fourth phase right now, he loves sleeping with couples.

Speaker 3:

He loves all that.

Speaker 5:

He loves getting our partner. I'm just like all right, right, guys.

Speaker 1:

Okay, let's move on to I don't know how, if we're going to agree or disagree about this, but what do you think about Pride? Do you think it's necessary?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, of course I think it's necessary, because you know that it's all about movement. And yeah, of course it is.

Speaker 1:

Sorry, I'm talking about the Pride events, Pride. I'm not talking about the meaning of Pride. Yeah, of course what we were supposed to do. I do, I do.

Speaker 2:

I do think it's important because there's still a lot of bad things that go on out there in other countries, especially in the East, where you know people, people in a really bad situation and also a lot of refugees coming into the UK because they had to seek asylum, because they was gay and you know they've had to leave their lives, that there's.

Speaker 4:

And terrible Many parts even parts of the British Commonwealth where it's illegal to be gay.

Speaker 2:

It's not only that, it's just more the fact that, like other countries like you know, Egypt, Saudi Arabia and there's people there like, and they've left their mothers and fathers behind and they don't go back because they're scared just in case they get arrested for being gay.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, you could face life imprisonment in Egypt for being gay. I mean, it's horrible. You could be stoned to death in Nigeria for being gay. And in Iran they throw people off the top of high-rise buildings for being gay.

Speaker 2:

I feel sorry for it, because it's really sad.

Speaker 4:

So pride absolutely is necessary whilst you've got these sort of injustices happening in the world.

Speaker 3:

I kind of feel like, conversely, it's sort of like it's turned on its head with, like you know, 16, 17, 18 year olds you know, they don't know all the injustices that have happened or are ongoing, and I feel, like the younger people, it's all about party, party, party, party.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, because that's a place for you?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, you need to have a lot more emphasis.

Speaker 2:

You have to see it on a bigger perspective because you know you see like the good fingers and you see the bad things, but you've got to like understand what people are actually going through.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, the foundation of pride is in protest, not in party.

Speaker 2:

But I understand you know it has negative impacts as well, because it's not all significant, Can I?

Speaker 1:

just say something. I think you guys are going to bite my head off. I don't. I understand the sentiment. I don't think the current pride events back the sentiment. I don't think it backs it up, because every time I go to a pride event there's always like half naked men celebrating, which is fine. I mean, we all love a good party, I get it. But what does that have anything to do with it with gay rights? I don't think it's right. And I talk about this on my on a different episode where I went to London pride. I was there for an hour-ish. I left straight away, because it's not about I'm not prude. I'm far from being a prude, but that's how people doing drugs and having, like I think, fingering each other or whatever in public, and that's what I don't want to get into that debate, because children are watching. But children are watching, you know. And what does that have anything to do with gay rights?

Speaker 1:

I don't think that's that's that's helping the cause. I think it hurts.

Speaker 4:

It just, it just hurts. It's just a, it's just a-.

Speaker 5:

I think I was centralized.

Speaker 5:

That was my problem initially too, and I, for the most part, I agree. I think the thing that I'm like starting to maybe try to convince myself is not like a line of it, you know, maybe not the drugs, I don't, you know, not my thing but like the over sexualizing and all that Like. I think part of it is just like to help people understand that they like, that they can be themselves, that they can, that they can be, that they're free to be them. I think it's like. I think it's.

Speaker 2:

I think it's thrown like, thrown in your face, but like I understand where Miguel's coming from, because you know when you want to have sex and it doesn't matter how like submissive you are or how you know kinky you are, I think that's behind like four walls and I think it's. I think it's. You know it's nice to just show your love to your partner in the public, you know like a kiss. But I think you know, when you see you know Tom DiCanari doing this, that and the other, then it's a bit more. I mean, I don't know what I mean, I think, part of it is just me trying

Speaker 5:

to understand their perspective and I think, like me, trying to understand their perspective. That's kind of what I've come to the conclusion of that, that, like part of why that is displayed is just to show that, like, you are free to be yourself, whether that's like you know, if you want to just like, whore Is that being yourself. I'm gonna kick into like whether for some people it is.

Speaker 2:

I don't think so.

Speaker 5:

I don't want to yuck your young it's again. It's not my thing, I don't necessarily think of it. It's more, just me just trying to understand, yeah, but you know, I, you know again like I completely agree, I just I think what's probably just become is like a caricature of itself.

Speaker 1:

That's my point, that's my whole point.

Speaker 5:

So yeah, no, I agree, and it means to like maybe calm down a bit. I don't know, I don't know really.

Speaker 1:

Did you have you heard?

Speaker 2:

I've been to To be fair, like when I go to. When I go to Pride, I sometimes got money to pull out and put it back. I'm joking, so you're so wedgy.

Speaker 5:

See, I don't even go to Pride. I feel about what it's turned into. Yeah, like I've got the two Pride events San Francisco and, I think, san Diego and like they were okay, but I just I don't go because it doesn't interest me anymore. Yeah, again, the purpose of Pride, I think, is necessary, just what it's become, it's been, but it's been hijacked.

Speaker 1:

Sorry, it's been hijacked, though. I think it's been hijacked by these people who think Pride is all about showing you sexuality because we were a gay community there, for gay men have sex, but I don't think Pride should be about that. Think Pride. And, by the way, I also don't think the parade means much to me anymore. I don't want to be in a parade having people waving their hands at me. It's fine if you do as you think, but I think let's talk about the real issues, because Pride has become a party, though.

Speaker 5:

I don't know what else to say other than I mean, I think the parade is a nice thing, but yeah, I do agree that like there needs to be more, like there needs to be deeper than that. Yeah, you know, because there's still in our community. There's still a lot of discrimination within the community that we still haven't dealt with. For me, as I identify as bisexual, and there's so much vibration in our community and it's so annoying and I used to be very involved with LGBT just rights and going to conferences and just trying to. I used to be so involved with it. It was a moment where I just gave up on all of it because I see so much hypocrisy in our community and it's become about.

Speaker 5:

It's like we don't want to deal with it.

Speaker 1:

It's become about celebrating your sexuality other than your rights, and I think that's when they lost me. Sorry, Ed, you're going to say something. I interrupt.

Speaker 3:

James and I went to Berlin like about four weeks ago and we hadn't booked it Sorry, we hadn't planned it. It just happened to be Gay Pride in Berlin. So we watched the parade and this guy was wearing a juxtap, he had his hands tied behind his back and he had a muzzle, but it was just sex on show. And James and I said well, what's this got to do with Pride? Nothing, it's gross. We all have our kings, but that happens in the bedroom. You don't come out in broad day. Yeah, it just did not resonate with us.

Speaker 2:

The reality is a lot of gay men just love to be kinky as fuck. They don't want to settle down, they just want to fuck around, suck dick, do this, do that.

Speaker 1:

Which is fine, which is fine, but I don't think that we should do that in public, not in the sense of all. We're real, we shouldn't be doing that in public, not in a public forum.

Speaker 4:

You wouldn't expect straight people doing that in public, so I don't expect gay people doing that in public.

Speaker 3:

And straight people are equally as kinky as we are.

Speaker 2:

Why do you think HIV is the high-end gay men? Because they fuck around, not anymore, not anymore in the gay. Yeah, but that's because of the prep.

Speaker 1:

True, yeah, but that's good. See, that's what we should be celebrating. That's what we should be talking about, not about. Oh, I'll just show you, ask chap.

Speaker 3:

So like James said, we should be talking about. You know, like all these countries where it's illegal to be homosexual, people get stoned, people in Malawi go to prison. They're hunting down. They think they have demons in you, but it's people just on show in jockstraps, you know. And taking drugs for days. That's not pride, you know.

Speaker 5:

And for the other forum they've got commercial enterprise nowadays.

Speaker 1:

Oh, oh, my god, I'm so glad you mentioned that. Sorry, james.

Speaker 4:

If you buy a ticket for the Manchester Pride weekend I think it's about £80. That's like £80. That's like over $100. That's like just to go and walk around some streets that you can walk around any time anyway.

Speaker 1:

That's true, it's just ridiculous. And you pay more for drinks as well. Where's?

Speaker 4:

that money go. So that's not helping you.

Speaker 3:

That's just it, a commercial operation and it's like they'll have like six parties at the weekend which you know they'll endorse, advertise, and it's like we should be having debates about putting sanctions on these countries.

Speaker 5:

you know where people shouldn't be stoned you know and not just that, but in kind of just slightly derailed conversation a bit, but it was brought up, like you know, just rates of like HIV and I think that you know, as someone who was HIV positive myself, I think that there needs to be a lot more education. Yeah, because even today, like I am undetectable, but even today, there are plenty of gay men in 2023 who do not know what that means. Yeah, and it's a problem because, like you know, there's so much stigma around HIV. Oh yeah, it's not what it used to be. You know, I take a pill a day and I'm fine, and now we have it where you take a shock every three months and you know you're fine, and you know there needs to be.

Speaker 5:

I'm seeing more educated people, but there needs to be a lot more and I think that that should be a big part of our pride. It's, like you know, teach us about PrEP. Teach us about because, like, and you know, when I found out, when I was diagnosed with HIV, it was right after I learned about PrEP and I decided to get on it and I got tested and that's when I was diagnosed. So horrible timing. But, like you know, I want more education so that we can avoid a lot of slacking Things like moments like that, you know. So teach more people about PrEP, teach more people about what it needs to be HIV positive, undetectable so that we could be you know, take responsibility for you know our lives, other people's lives, absolutely. Yeah and yeah, and just be prepared for whatever comes, you know.

Speaker 4:

That might actually start to happen now that HIV infection is spreading in heterosexuals more than gay, right, you know like you know.

Speaker 5:

And I mean I was fortunate enough to have data from one of those HIV positive when I was in high school. So since then I had learned a lot about it. So by the time I became positive I was well educated about it. So it didn't bother me a lot Like I wasn't, like I wasn't just like devastated and depressed about it. I was educated so I knew I was gonna be fine and you know, Can I ask you a question?

Speaker 3:

Um do you?

Speaker 2:

Sorry, can I? Well, one thing that I will say is you know, it's not just gay men that I've got HIV. It's like, you know, charlie Sheen. You know, charlie Sheen, yeah, he's straight and he's got HIV, so it's not all gay men.

Speaker 5:

Right, I've had a friend you know what I mean.

Speaker 2:

So like People do what happens Email.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, he got it from a At least he believes he got it from a female and he was actually wearing protection at the time.

Speaker 2:

So I'm sure of his name, Charlie Sheen.

Speaker 1:

Yeah that's him.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, charlie, charlie. I said Charlie Charlie.

Speaker 1:

Guys, let's like I'm so glad you shared that. I mean, obviously I knew that about you, derek, but yeah, thank you for sharing that with us. I think you're right. There's a huge stigma and I think that's worse than having what we have at the moment. You know whatever, but yeah, thanks for that. So let's just Wait. You had a question. Who has a question? Did you want to ask?

Speaker 4:

Oh sorry.

Speaker 3:

Sorry. Yeah, I didn't. I wasn't here. Yeah, no, I was going to ask Do you Sorry, derek? Do you feel like if you were on a date with somebody and if you shared that you know, you told them you were undetectable? Do you feel that there's still a lot of stigma attached to people with HIV now and we've progressed? I mean so much, but do you feel it's a burden, it's a barrier?

Speaker 5:

I am feeling it a little less than I used to, right? I mean, because when I was diagnosed, it was like my health was the last thing on my mind. My main concern was hey, how can I Like? How will I be able to afford medication? Yeah, but also, how will this change how people see me? Of course, yeah, and I've had moments because I was diagnosed in 2016. And I've had moments where I would tell a guy and they would just freak out on me.

Speaker 4:

Really.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, Like my guy.

Speaker 4:

That's an education thing as well. Because they freak out on you, it's because of their lack of education. Right, absolutely Absolutely, and being ignorant, it is An undetectable guy is the safest person you can sleep with, exactly.

Speaker 5:

And one of them. We messed around, but we didn't even have sex. And the main reason we didn't have sex is because I hadn't told him yet and I prefer to let that be known before I have sex with anyone, just to avoid any future problems. But the next day I told him like hey, this is why I didn't want to go any further, by the way, yeah, I just want to let you know first that I am undetectable. And then he freaks out on me. He immediately went to go get tested. That's outrageous. I was like that's not how it works. But okay, they're going to tell you exactly.

Speaker 5:

What I'm telling you now is that like, hey, even if I wasn't undetectable, I think it would take at least three months or something for it to even show up. And also, the fact that I am undetectable means you're not going to. So I don't know. And then he eventually came back and apologized, after he calmed down. But that's not the first time I've dealt with that. Fortunately I don't deal with that as much anymore, but you know, I do still. There are times where I do still have to explain myself and what it means and try to like make them feel safe. Which?

Speaker 3:

You shouldn't have to. Oh yeah, I know.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, I get to. I'm at the point where I no longer want to deal with people who are afraid of me.

Speaker 3:

Of course, yeah absolutely, and that should go for everyone, not just you.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, it's a huge stigma. I think it's people know better now. I think social media helped. Social media has a lot of its flaws, a lot of flaws, but also we do learn in social Thanks to social media, not just the media, you see.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, and that's why I'm so open about it. Like every year on the university, I post about it and all my friends, like especially my three friends, it's to help educate them, but also to help them know that, like they have any potential issues or diagnoses that they want to talk about, that I'm in or, unfortunately, have had people reach out to me about it. So I just I like being open, you know, to normalize it Like, this is what HIV looks like.

Speaker 3:

I still feel like it's a stigma, though.

Speaker 5:

It still is.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5:

Of course.

Speaker 1:

And that's why I do what I do, you know.

Speaker 5:

I want to try to erase that stigma.

Speaker 1:

Good, Good for you, okay, so let's change the topic slightly. Actually, do you know what I was thinking of? Let's do a little game called Play the Filth. Okay oh my god, let's see if it works. Okay, so I'm just going to ask a question, and you guys need to be truthful. Okay, so, have you ever hooked up with a celebrity? Hey, I'll start with you.

Speaker 3:

I've been propositioned by celebrities.

Speaker 1:

Celebrities.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, do you want to elaborate Plural yeah, yeah, but I've never. Yeah, I've never. Yeah, I've just not had the guts to do it. I've just been like I can't do it, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Okay, what about you, James?

Speaker 4:

Um no, never Derek oh shit.

Speaker 5:

Um Sardar what?

Speaker 1:

does that mean?

Speaker 5:

Like there was no sex. But, like you know, we did both.

Speaker 1:

I'm not going to say anything. I remember, I know who it was. I remember now.

Speaker 5:

Oh my gosh, was he from New.

Speaker 1:

York? Was he from New York? Maybe I'm not going to tell, I'm not going to say there was no sex.

Speaker 5:

But yeah, we did Like, we did both get off and it was very unexpected, but it was someone who was in town for an event. We had been talking online and it was very casual and sort of friendly and yeah and kind of. You know, we're hanging out after a show and one thing went to another and a show.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 5:

I'm not going to say it. Well, I'm not going to say it.

Speaker 2:

Louis what about you? Sorry, what was the question?

Speaker 1:

Have you ever been hooked up with a celebrity?

Speaker 2:

I'm not going to tell anyone in the public eye, but I'm not going to talk about it, so yes, that's your answer.

Speaker 1:

What's?

Speaker 3:

your answer Miguel.

Speaker 2:

Like I'm one of these people where you know, obviously you know I hook up with people, but I like my private life. Is my private life Good?

Speaker 3:

for you. I don't really like thoughts. You don't kiss the tell.

Speaker 2:

No, I'm not that kind of person.

Speaker 1:

Oh I am. So I was going to say no, I'm not actually, I'm joking.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

I have.

Speaker 2:

Unless it's serious, then you know, but like, here's this person, but you know it hasn't happened.

Speaker 1:

I have, like you had. I have been asked by someone in the public eye and I've also hooked up with someone in the public eye. Wow, that's my answer.

Speaker 3:

I don't know. I think my question would be do you know any? Do you know any cup holes that are happy? Yeah, just like completely oblivious? You know, you know, I feel that love.

Speaker 2:

I really do believe there is Sorry. I really do believe there's a lot of happy, healthy gay relationships.

Speaker 3:

But do you know any though? Do you know any? They see it all the time, I do too.

Speaker 1:

You see, it all the time. But the reason why you don't see it is because you only see the negative, not just that I think sometimes and I'm not talking about you either, obviously probably talking about yourself it's also probably every time you hear about the so-called community, is it all about either drugs partying or protesting about gay rights. We don't really celebrate. I think we're a victim hood society. That's my more extreme opinion. Not that we like to play the victim, but that's all we talk about. It's about we need more rights. We also.

Speaker 2:

We're very promiscuous and we don't really hear the positives very often, though, but you are right, there are, you are right, but you do also see the good. Like you know, the other day I was watching RuPaul's Drag Race, and you know I saw there's positivity in that one.

Speaker 1:

Yeah Well, reality TV, yeah, it is positivity, it is positive.

Speaker 3:

It's like I mean, yeah, sorry.

Speaker 2:

It's like it might not be like yeah, but you might watch, is it James? Yeah, you might not like dress up in drag, but it is positive.

Speaker 1:

You don't know that.

Speaker 2:

Well, I don't know that, but I'm sure you, I'm sure you, I'm sure, I'm sure, so you're done, only brood. The other week I thought you were in a pink wig and a pink font. No I can Cheeky devil.

Speaker 1:

I can imagine James in drag Cheeky.

Speaker 4:

His penis at my wardrobe.

Speaker 1:

He's been bedwad the last or the first? What was the question? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Any happy couples, happy couples. I've had too much tequila. I was, I was, I was in a happy relationship for nearly 11 years, so yeah.

Speaker 5:

I think they do exist.

Speaker 1:

We do, we hear, but I'm also knowing.

Speaker 2:

No, I think it's all about positivity. Can you spell that Positivity, positivity.

Speaker 3:

Guys okay.

Speaker 1:

So forget to play the film, sorry.

Speaker 5:

Let's look at the words. I have a question.

Speaker 1:

Oh, of course you do.

Speaker 5:

Excuse you, Okay. So I think my plea for the film's question is actually kind of have you ever cheated?

Speaker 1:

Yes, so who's starting?

Speaker 3:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that's also my answer.

Speaker 4:

For me, no, but when I've been in a relationship I've been cheated on. Okay, oh.

Speaker 1:

Oh Miguel, yes, that's the answer.

Speaker 2:

Do we?

Speaker 1:

Oh, you've not been in a relationship. No, I've not been in a relationship, sir Derek.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I've not.

Speaker 1:

By the way, this is not bragging, this is just being honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I think sometimes, when people say, yeah, it's wrong, it's wrong, I mean there's no dispute, it's gross. But, it's very gross, but also we need to get into the context of it, not justifying it, right?

Speaker 5:

Right and I will say like no, I have not cheated, but I have been the other person which, yeah, I mean to some is as bad as cheating, of course and I've been the other person.

Speaker 1:

Oh no, I didn't mean that, I mean.

Speaker 5:

I have to. I've been intentionally once, unintentionally another time. Okay, so kind of twice, but yeah.

Speaker 1:

So no one's pleading the filth yeah.

Speaker 2:

No, it sounds like like you know, we've all got very like, very interesting, you know lives.

Speaker 1:

We actually do, and so we're not all happy. It's just because we're gay, you see, or bisexual.

Speaker 5:

I'm far from it.

Speaker 1:

I'm miserable.

Speaker 4:

Right.

Speaker 1:

Anyone has a final question before I change it to the topic to wine and dine.

Speaker 3:

Come on, wine and dine.

Speaker 1:

Okay, let's do it. Okay, let's talk about your favorite food. So what's your favorite dish and your favorite beverage?

Speaker 2:

Honestly, I'm like a massive foodie so I can't like say one thing, like because I really do like food, like once, like alright, then I'll narrow it down Like my favorite, like cousins are probably French and Italian, and then I don't know English, because I'm English.

Speaker 1:

Is that why Sorry?

Speaker 2:

what about your favorite?

Speaker 1:

drink and your beverage.

Speaker 2:

Like it depends on the day. Like I might want a beer one day, then it depends on how I'm feeling the next day. I might want a glass of rose. There you go, but I'm not just. Like you know, I'm not fixated on one thing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I guess.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

What about?

Speaker 2:

you, ed. I'm not like oh, fish, fish, fish, fish, fish, fish. I'm not like. I'm not like oh, I'd love a good beer tonight. Do you know what I mean? I'm not like every night, oh, I'd love a beer. You know what I mean? Stuck in your old ways.

Speaker 1:

Rosie, I knew that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

So, you're like like seafood of just fish.

Speaker 3:

Fish and tequila Fish and tequila Fish and tequila and a good blow shot.

Speaker 1:

Okay, Is that the shot? Or is that the actual drink? Oh, the actual James.

Speaker 4:

I mean, I like lots of different cuisines, but if my go-to would be pizza, yeah, oh, you love pizzas, you love pizzas.

Speaker 2:

What about? Is it cuisine or cuisine?

Speaker 1:

I say cuisine because I'm French, except I'm not.

Speaker 2:

I thought it was cuisine, but maybe I'm saying it wrong.

Speaker 1:

I hear that in the Northwest a lot.

Speaker 2:

Is it cuisine I?

Speaker 5:

don't know.

Speaker 3:

I'm not sure that's how I say it. I don't know, I don't know Cuisine, cuisine. It's weird, I don't use cuisine, cuisine. Yeah, yeah, it's cuisine.

Speaker 2:

It's like today. I was talking about you and I said I'm not a Miguel.

Speaker 1:

I hate when people call me.

Speaker 2:

that I hate when people call me that, but it's Miguel I was just like and then do you know what it reminds me of your name? You know that Mariah Carey song with Miguel.

Speaker 1:

See no people there you go. James, what's your favourite drink?

Speaker 4:

Oh, favourite drink. I like white wine, I like red wine, I like lager, I like vodka. I think it's.

Speaker 1:

It's easy to say what you don't like. I don't like rose wine.

Speaker 4:

There you go. You're not matching how I do like it.

Speaker 2:

I really do like, like because, Well, to be fair, I didn't have a glass of evenite and I was fucking pissed, but I think it's nice. But the one thing I can't stand is having shit wine and it tastes like vinegar, vinegar, yeah. Mate it's disgusting, it's gross, like if they give me a shit wine I'll say you can have it back. Yeah, you can actually do that.

Speaker 1:

Derek, what about you?

Speaker 5:

My favourite food is pizza and Japanese food and I'd say my favourite drink is it's either whiskey or, like the furdiest, gayest drink, like I, just like really sweet fruity drink.

Speaker 1:

A Cosmo yeah.

Speaker 5:

Got it, or like a lemon drop or something.

Speaker 1:

What's a lemon drop?

Speaker 4:

Kind of whiskey to your life, just whatever.

Speaker 2:

Do you know Right. Can I ask you a question? Is whiskey, Is barb?

Speaker 1:

on whiskey Is that Jack Daniels?

Speaker 2:

It's barb on. I've heard of barb on before, but yeah, that's like an American whiskey.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, it is, isn't it?

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So I'm asking you because you know I don't know a lot about whiskey. But I was in a restaurant the other night and I was speaking to a whiskey. You know a person that tries all these drinks all over England and trains people out to, like you know, drink whiskey and basically it was telling me about. I said, oh, what's your favourite drink? He went whiskey barb on and that's why I know he educated me.

Speaker 5:

I'm To be honest, I'm not like I don't drink alcohol very often, yeah, Like if I go out, I don't know how to order because I don't go out enough, so I don't.

Speaker 1:

You don't know.

Speaker 5:

I always have someone else order for me. So when it comes to whiskey, like honestly, I'll drink whatever's given to me, I just like whiskey.

Speaker 2:

Fair enough.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, I'm quite like Bourbon. I don't like Scottish whiskey too much, it just tastes like petrol.

Speaker 1:

But Irish whiskey I was gonna say I like, like, what? The whole thing, the whole thing, the whole thing, the whole thing, all that one that begins with a.

Speaker 2:

G.

Speaker 1:

Glenn, something I can't remember. Glenn Drix, that's Irish right.

Speaker 2:

Glenn Friedick.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's Scottish.

Speaker 5:

Oh, I like that one, although I am, I will say probably my, my, my my. My favourite drink is Black Irish Ooh Bimah Tate. What's it called? I did it. It's her like Irish cream with With.

Speaker 4:

You need to try a Bosch Mills whiskey. Yeah, that's from Robin Island, it's beautiful.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So I was like well, on that topic, even I went to my friend's house and we had a bottle of wine and then we had some pasta, and then he brought out this really, really distinctive bottle and it was grappa. Are you ever heard of it?

Speaker 5:

I've heard of it, I've not had it.

Speaker 2:

So grappa is really, really strong and it's like drinking a shot of vodka and it's basically the skin off the you know the wine peel yeah.

Speaker 4:

It's that, yeah, I like it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so it's that strong, it's Italian and it's so. The wine grape, the skin on it, it's all like fermented and it's so strong and, honestly, I had about four shots and I was just sipping it all night. I was absolutely yeah, I was absolutely effing smashed on my rings.

Speaker 1:

Is that why you're not drinking tonight?

Speaker 2:

I was smashed, so so long ago. No, it was due out two weeks ago, but obviously you've got to try a grappa. It's wine, but it's like it's so strong, Like you'll be off your tits so strong you have. You're off your tits honestly, All right.

Speaker 1:

Guys, just one last thing I want to try. Okay, so can we talk about the American and the UK accent Like accent, some words, like you have different words for the same thing. Can we go into that?

Speaker 2:

Well, I think, I think Shit.

Speaker 3:

Shit, shit, shit.

Speaker 1:

Shit Hang on. So how? So edit some South Africa.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, so, oh right, okay, fair enough. So, james, yeah, so you know that you're a Northerner, like I can relate to you and like you might say, like you, alright, love yeah. Or you might say, uh, I don't know, um gonna go up road Just a minute.

Speaker 1:

I think, when it comes to your right love, I think, uh, some American people take that as an offence, like what are you asking? Me. What are you asking?

Speaker 2:

me yeah.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, if you say you're right to an American, it usually means like are you okay, Did you?

Speaker 1:

hurt yourself. Oh, what's wrong with you?

Speaker 5:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Is that right?

Speaker 5:

Darryl. Um, there's one phrase that I've heard that I've been actually trying to use. I'm not sure like exactly what it means, but like, uh, when someone's pissed, yeah, pissed, pissed, which I guess what means, like tipsy or drunk.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, english pasties. Drunk American pasties. Angry An idea yeah.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, uh, so I, I you know, lately I've been trying to use that more amongst my uh, my UK friends, uh, just because I find it, I find it kind of funny. Um yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, any other ones?

Speaker 2:

To be fair, like I, uh, you know Americans, you know I love Americans, but at the same time, I don't do. You know what I mean? It's probably neutral.

Speaker 5:

That's the way it's saying because I feel like Americans, we love Europeans, but I feel like Europeans are. I have this like there's like this one sided war that they have with Americans, where, like they just like shit on us all the time and we're like I mean, on the other side, we're like loving them because like, oh, your acts are so cool. Oh my God, yeah, they love your acts, they're just so cool, you're so fascinating, but then, like everyone in Europe, there's shits on us.

Speaker 1:

What do you mean? What do you mean by that?

Speaker 5:

Exactly Like what he was saying like oh like I love you, but like you know, I just feel like, like, like people in in in just Europe in general just like hate Americans for no reason and like, well, not for no reason, but like you know, we love them but they hate us. So it's like this, like one sided war. Yeah, like like, like they're always like they will always bring up some reason to complain about Americans.

Speaker 1:

Oh, what do you think?

Speaker 2:

Well, I don't think so. I think it's more like because I've been to California quite a lot and I think Americans, some Americans, they are so fake the might as well get a badge that says fake. Do you know?

Speaker 1:

On the this is so You're talking about, so so calm, right, yeah?

Speaker 2:

they're so fake.

Speaker 1:

It's so Like I think you're talking about LA really.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, they are really fake people in Los Angeles Like I mean, I'm not.

Speaker 1:

I'm like the meter. I've not had that experience. I know a lot of people say that I'm not having that experience.

Speaker 2:

Some of them are absolutely like. Honestly, I've met some Los LA people like so genuine and so nice, but then some LA people one of the most fakest people I've ever met in my life.

Speaker 5:

No, yeah, um, no one really likes them. Um, so you're not alone there, but come to Seattle. It's very different.

Speaker 2:

Oh, my God.

Speaker 1:

You love going there. It's a matter of time. I love Hawaii. What's that? I want to say goodbye.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, but what are some other words though? Like, like, I don't know, they're like different between Americans.

Speaker 2:

I don't know Like I think. I think generally, like Americans and the British, they do get along. But um, yeah, I think that we all do get along.

Speaker 4:

But if you go to a British restaurant, you won't find an appetizer, you'll find a starter.

Speaker 3:

You won't find.

Speaker 4:

You won't find the entree. You'll find a main course. Huh, um, when you look at the menu, there'll be, there'll be no. There'll be no egg plant, but you might find aubergine, aubergine, yeah.

Speaker 5:

I do, I do like aubergine yeah.

Speaker 1:

Is that your favorite emoji? And?

Speaker 4:

there's no one, there's no zucchini, but you'll see courgette, zucchini yeah.

Speaker 1:

Is that what you call it I?

Speaker 2:

don't even know what that is, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Courgette.

Speaker 2:

Zucchini. Oh, is it? Oh yeah, yeah, I didn't know zucchini was this Anyway.

Speaker 5:

I do like. I do like the how the first one to like starters versus appetizer and the main course versus entree, like I feel like we're trying so hard to be fancy with that and you guys are just like so basic. But then, when it comes to like eggplant and aubergine, you guys have like the better words.

Speaker 4:

It's strange because in English we're basically using a French word.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, I mean, but I feel like for like appetizer and entree, we are too.

Speaker 4:

I, I guess, so yeah.

Speaker 5:

And then like, and then I don't know, I don't, I don't think I know like anyone in Australia, but I hate the way they talk Like Australian.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to get cancelled.

Speaker 5:

Australian slang is the most annoying thing in the world, do you think? Do you think? Like I can handle like British slang.

Speaker 2:

I don't think it's that.

Speaker 4:

Australia is just like Britain in the 1970s yeah.

Speaker 5:

Guys, by the way, by the way, wait, wait.

Speaker 1:

I'm not condoning any of this, any of this language, so they're speaking for themselves. Okay, carry on.

Speaker 5:

I mean, that's just me, because I know. I know some people from Australia and every time I talk to them it's just like okay, I have, this is very regional British.

Speaker 1:

So tea or dinner? What Tea or dinner? What do you say for when you're having a meal at, say, six, seven, eight PM? Do you call it tea or dinner?

Speaker 4:

I think it depends who I'm speaking with.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I agree with you.

Speaker 1:

So if you guys I agree if you're talking to James, james, you're talking to Louis. What do you say?

Speaker 2:

Probably saying I'm going to put tea on, yeah, yeah. To a fellow Norbertner. Yeah.

Speaker 4:

Especially to a Yorkshire man at that tea.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, Yorkshire, of course.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, I mean I will say dinner and then, if it's later, I will say supper. Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:

So for that, I forgot about that, yeah.

Speaker 5:

And sometimes it'll be both. I don't really say supper.

Speaker 2:

I just say do you want to cup of tea and biscuits before bed? But is it literally that, though?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, oh, of course. So it's literally that like cup of tea and biscuits.

Speaker 5:

Well, whatever you whatever, whatever in them would be fine.

Speaker 4:

There's another British and American difference as well the term biscuit.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, oh, you call it cookie, cookie yeah cookie yeah. Oh, do you also say instead of saying crisps, you say potato chips, we say chips yeah, but like Americans, have their biscuits with gravy for the knot.

Speaker 4:

Yes, the knot is more like a savory scone, oh.

Speaker 5:

Yeah, I suppose. So it's like a nice buttery piece of bread. How can you mix it?

Speaker 1:

all together. How do they?

Speaker 5:

go I don't know, I guess you can consider something like a scone, but we have like separate scones.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5:

I'm not sure how our scones compare to like the scones there.

Speaker 4:

That's pretty much the same, but that's how I try and explain an American biscuit to someone, because that's not something that exists here at all.

Speaker 5:

Whichever you prefer.

Speaker 1:

Right on that note, guys, I'm going to say goodbye too, Because it's been an absolute pleasure.

Speaker 4:

Thank you, thanks for doing this. I think my battery is close to dying.

Speaker 1:

See perfect timing for all of us. On that note, I'll speak to you next time.

Speaker 2:

All the best, and my Instagram is louiandruz, if you want to follow me.

Speaker 1:

There you go. Shameless plug. So I'm not there to leave at leigh.

Speaker 5:

Or sorry, d-e-r-r-e-k-l-e-i-g-h.

Speaker 1:

Is that your soft account or is that your raunchy?

Speaker 5:

account. No, it's not soft as hell.

Speaker 1:

That's like debatable. But you know I love your account, you know that, and okay, thank you everyone. I'll see you next time. Bye.

Speaker 4:

Speak to you later. Bye-bye.

Discussion on Relationships and Singlehood
Perspectives on Love and Hookups
Exploring LGBTQ+ Relationships and Over-Sexualization
The Evolution of Pride
Stigma and Personal Experiences
American and UK Accents and Vocabulary