John Calvi and "The Ones Who Aren't Here" Song

In this mini-episode, host Dwight Dunston returns to his conversation with Quaker healer John Calvi. They explore the history of John’s seminal song, "The Ones Who Aren't Here," and the weight of carrying love across time and loss.

John shares the song's origins, written in his 20s during a time of "personal exile". Reflecting on the "fierce closet" of the early 80s, John notes, "As Pete Seeger said, you build a good building, can be used for a lot of different things over time". For John, the song became a "good building" for those seeking community during the AIDS crisis.

The episode features a 1982 recording from WWUH radio. John reflects: "Perhaps ministry is that rare, too rare, song that teaches the pain as it lifts us up towards knowing what is possible".

In this episode, we discuss:

• The social origins of "The Ones Who Aren't Here".
• Healing touch as Quaker ministry during the AIDS crisis.
• John’s work with the late nonviolence educator William J. Kreidler.

Resources:

• "The Ones Who Aren't Here" (Song): https://youtu.be/3EANcOHwLbc (1982 Recording)
• John Calvi: https://johncalvi.com/
• Suede (Singer - Wikipedia): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suede_(singer)
• Meg Christian: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meg_Christian
• LGBTQ Religious Archives Network (Calvi Profile): https://lgbtqreligiousarchives.org/profiles/john-calvi
• William J. Kreidler (Memorial Archive): https://williamjkreidler.com/
• "Nonviolence in the Classroom" (Reference to William Kreidler's work): https://biblioteca.cejamericas.org/handle/2015/4078

Guest Bio: John Calvi is a Quaker healer and songwriter who offered massage and healing touch during the AIDS crisis. A member of Putney (VT) Friends Meeting, he has had his music recorded by artists such as Meg Christian and Suede.

NEW Video Version available at Pendle Hill's YouTube page.

The transcript for this episode is available on https://pendlehillseed.buzzsprout.com/
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Transcript

0:07

Sometimes I think about how far the song has traveled. As Pete Seeger said, you build a good building, can be used for a lot of different things over time. Hey, You're listening to a mini episode of The Seed, Conversations for Radical Hope, a Pendle Hill podcast. I'm your host, Dwight Dunstan. In this mini episode, I returned to my conversation with John Calvi, a Quaker healer and a certified massage therapist. John began offering healing touch during the AIDS crisis in the early 1980s. John took part in comforting those with the disease. and the many people who lost loved ones. It was a time of isolation for many LGBTQ plus people, even among Quakers. As part of his then young ministry, John wrote the song, The Ones Who Aren't Here. You will hear him talk about this song. Then I will share a 1982 recording of John Calvi singing the song. I'm so grateful I got to listen to your song, The Ones Who Aren't Here. I'm curious about the origins of that song for you, how that song speaks to you today, and what does it mean to carry memory and love across time and loss. Yes, well, that song is very special in my life. I was in my twenties and I was not out to my family. Although I was so different and I was so gay that you really would have to be very committed to denial to not be able to see it. um I was very different from everyone else in the family. What happened was one of my brothers outed me to my father. Who was a violent alcoholic. He outed me while they were having a drunken argument in the bar that my father owned. it was a perfect storm of sorts. I was told I could never come home again. And at the time I was traveling around and singing at gay coffee houses, doing mostly my own music. And this song came to me. There were so many people, there were so many people who would never get to a gay coffee house or a gay pride march or other places where they could experience gay community. This was a huge grief for me. While I was thrown out of my family, I confess that it wasn't that bad a family to get thrown out of. The separation actually was very helpful to me. But I'm thinking about the people who never made that leap. And so in writing that song, I was thinking about all of the people who were staying in the closet and the closet is so fierce. It is so fiercely woven into the subconscious that we're not even aware often as to how strong that prison door is and how it can alter our thoughts and our perceptions. And so as you begin to lay down the various pieces and parts, of the closet, this liberation continues and gets stronger and goes on. And I'm so happy that this song has traveled so widely to so many places and used in so many different kinds of events. It's used at weddings, it's used at memorials, it's used at gay pride marches. The wonderful recording by Meg Christian, the wonderful recording by Swade. all very strong and very clear. When Suede was performing the song at first back in late Aids, she would hand out a postcard that was addressed to President Reagan saying, please do more about the AIDS epidemic. That was such a fierce time. And so it began, it began to be used as a political song along with something that was very heartfelt. And when I hear it now, Sometimes I think about how far the song has traveled. As Pete Seeger said, you build a good building, can be used for a lot of different things over time. I heard it the other day while I was driving and I just burst into tears to think about all the pain to go through to compose that song. Because it starts out like a lot of good songs where you name the trouble and then you name the resolution. oh That's a very hopeful thing to do, but you have to go through hell to get there. There's another song on one of my songs on YouTube you can find called The Little Gracefulness. It was recorded by a group called The Short Sisters, dear friends of mine. And it was all the rules I put together to be able to go into work in a crisis situation and do your best. That was also very helpful for me when I began. working the AIDS wars back in 1983, when things were just so fierce. Putting together that song was a very good way for me to maintain my disciplines of how it is you go into work in a situation where you're never going to be able to do enough. You're not going to be able to change things to where everything is okay. you might be able to help a little bit if you're really careful and you're really graceful. And that's what it was like for me from 83 until we got to about 2000, where we finally had some drugs that really worked. My best friend, it was too late for him. He was still alive at 2000, but he was too ill for those new medicines to help him. Don't mind me asking what was his name. William J. Kriper, he wrote a best-selling book on nonviolence in the classroom. At his death, it was estimated that his book on nonviolence in the classroom was in 55,000 classrooms around the Wow. Quite an accomplishment. His speeches are collected on a website that can be found. and you can still hear his beautiful wisdom. I'm just sitting under the weight of the grief and the tenderness and the resilience and the joy and abandoned man and building a new community. All of that just when I think of this song, The Ones Who Aren't Here. who aren't here. because you be coming out tonight. Wish I could know all the love and prayers EEPROM GALLERY you you you Well then... It's never been easy, and me and- Hugs and the tears when they show Some never speak again for the hate and You Let's have a song here for me and for you We cannot hide you have a song for the one who's not here and won't be coming out to... That was John Calvi singing and speaking about his original song, The Ones Who Aren't Here. It was recorded by Rob Meehan at WWUH radio on the University of Hartford campus. The recording has been featured on the Gay Spirit radio show hosted by Keith Brown. Singers Meg Christian and Chris Williamson later performed and recorded the song for their Carnegie Hall album. Learn more about John Calvi at johncalvi.com. That's johncalvi.com. Thank you for listening to this mini episode of The Seed, Conversations for Radical Hope. What spoke to you in this episode? How does this conversation fit into your journey? Contact me directly by email at podcast at Pendlehill.org. I want to personally invite you to join me for Pendlehill's online worship time. I attend this virtual Quaker meeting on the last Friday of the month at 8.30 a.m. Eastern. For login details, visit Pendlehill.org slash worship. At Pendlehill, we host retreats, workshops, and lectures year round. To explore upcoming educational programs, visit Pendlehill.org slash learn. This episode was produced by Peterson Toscano, co-host of the Quakers Today podcast. Our theme music is the I Rise Project by Reverend Retta Morgan and Bennett Kuhn. produced by Astronautical Records. Other music comes from epidemicsound.com. If you find these conversations meaningful, consider supporting our work financially at pendlehill.org slash donate. These seeds could not be planted without you. Let us pursue love, power, and belonging together.