LISA GRACE: THRIVING AFTER ABUSE

NOTE: This episode is not "kid-appropriate." 

In this episode, I interview Holistic Health and Life Coach Lisa Grace, about her journey from being a victim of childhood abuse which led to a cycle of abuse at the hands of a high level covert narcissistic husband. Lisa has not only survived her abuse, but she has been healing herself to a place where she is now THRIVING and embarking on her path with a focus on coaching women who have been in similar situations.  

Lisa's work can be found at www.insideoutglowcoach.com

Transcript

lisa-grace-thriving-after-abuse

Wed, Oct 12, 2022 3:03AM • 1:21:30

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

people, feel, life, healing, abuse, porn, abusers, run, happened, ex husband, women, mom, connect, question, path, share, marriage, covert narcissist, narcissist, childhood

00:00

She's a motivator, millionaire mentor, Jesus lover, serial entrepreneur, mother and former Wall Street attorney who comes with their own personal trigger warning on a mission to teach you how to empower yourself and heal your life from the inside out. And now, welcome to Deep Throat. And by that I mean throat chakra with Liana Shanti.

00:30

Who's got worse he was ignoring me even more now I'm like all alone there with just him. And Shannon were saying to him, like, can you plan dates? Like, can you just care like some proactivity all you do is sit on that computer. And he was just finally like, after years of me saying this, he was just like, I'm not gonna plan dates. And I was just like, why? Like, why though? Like, you have a wife, who cares who wants to be around you? And he was like, I'm just not. I remember being like, Yeah, but you're planning a trip to Vegas. And now you're whipping out the spreadsheets. Right? Like you can play it because he's his excuse. That's what it was his excuse. I was like, you can't use the excuse anymore. That you're not good at planning days because I saw you without that spreadsheet. Like you'd never like you've never left the house before in your entire life as if you'd never you know like it was just it's so funny right? You know to miss a man acting like you can't plan something and then a bachelor party comes rolling into town and it's like oh, here's the spreadsheet

01:41

Hello, hi everyone. This is Liana your podcast host Welcome to deep throat and by that I knew throat chakra. today on episode three, we have an amazing guest it's Lisa grace of insight our glow coach. And we are going to be talking about so many things a lot of which are not kid friendly. So I recommend if you do have little ones. This is not the podcast episode for them. We are going to be talking about all things divorced and sex and orgasms and life with a high level covert narc. And also some really serious topics, including family cults and child abuse. So save this podcast episode four when you are not with your amazing and beautiful children. So in today's episode, we're going to be talking to Lisa about her childhood abuse and how that led to a pattern of attracting narcissists in her life leading to a marriage to a narcissist followed by divorce from a narcissist, and also the topics of addiction to the actual abuse cycle. And what it was like to ignore repeated red flags throughout her life. And specifically how growing up in a family called rifled with abuse, sexual and emotional led to this attraction to a toxic marriage with a high level covert narcissist. And, you know, there's so much out there in the world of education on narcissism, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse, recovery, 1000s and 1000s of websites and doctors and psychologists, there are books on this topic. There is a lot of information about family cults, and family abuse and childhood abuse the fact that most people who are abused in childhood don't even share any of this until they reach adulthood. And it's a very, very treacherous journey for people who have been in these types of family cults, which the number is exponentially higher than you would ever think. So the approach we're taking is educating you and empowering you and encouraging you, which is my philosophy and everything educating you on what these things look like, what are the red flags, what do the signs look like, but also most importantly, encouraging you to speak out about it to use your voice to activate your throat chakra to not be afraid anymore, and ultimately to empower you because a lot of the teachings out there and the messaging out there on narcissistic abuse recovery and family cult recovery is focused on the victimhood aspect. And the victimhood aspect is one aspect because you actually are a victim. When you have lived through these situations of being married to a high level narc or you have experienced it in your childhood. Usually it's both that's why the pattern gets set up. But this is about moving beyond that healing, using your voice speaking out, not just succumbing to the battering to your low self esteem and the wearing down of your power which narcissistic abusers do systematically This is about empowering you to step up into a better life, a healed life to get out of that addiction cycle, the addiction to the pain and the misery to break free of those patterns, and to live a life that you absolutely thrive in. So we're going way beyond surviving, and into really, really thriving. And Lisa has absolutely done that. So she is going to share her story with us today. So having said that, Lisa, I'd love to welcome you to today's podcast. And also thank you for being willing to be out here today, sharing your story. With everybody listening. I'm truly grateful. So thank you very much.

05:38

Thank you, Liana. It's amazing to be here. So thank you. Thank you so much. You're welcome.

05:44

And you are actually the first official guest of this podcast? Because the first two I didn't have, you know, a question and answer. So this is really exciting for me. Now, I want to start off, I'm going to kind of go backwards in your life, because you came to my community, you know, with a marriage intact. And one of the questions that a lot of people ask when they go through healing, is will I end up divorced by the end of this healing? And I'm sure you've heard women ask that question. Men have asked that question. And if I remember correctly, you even asked that question very early on, when you joined my community. Do you? Do you remember that?

06:30

I remember. I don't know if I asked that question directly. But there was definitely a conversation happening, where he was brought up. I think what had happened was I had asked about men doing this healing, like, is there a community for men? You know, my husband did it. Right. And then a whole conversation sort of spun off off of that.

06:56

Yeah, that's, that's pretty much my recollection, too. And one of the things that I think is so fascinating is that, you know, it's common sense, if you are embarking on anything in your life, whether you are drinking a lot of alcohol, and then you decide to quit. If your friends and your spouse, the people you are with most of the time, continue on, in those self destructive behaviors, and you're not, it becomes very, very difficult to maintain those friendships. And, you know, to me, that's common sense. But I think at the beginning of the healing process, people are very stuck in the cultural programming that says, We have to be in a marriage forever, and get very scared, they're like, Well, if I heal, is this going to affect my marriage, of course, it's going to affect your marriage, it's going to affect everything. Everything in your life is going to change, when you start to love yourself, when you start to discontinue self destructive practices and behaviors. So, you know, I know that in your situation, you both came into the process, and you both began, what appeared to be a genuine healing path. So I want to actually focus in on a quote that you shared, that your husband had said, he said, quote, If I hadn't met you, if I wasn't worried about what my family would think I would have been a porn star. And quote, so I want to start off with that, quote, because, you know, some people may have just chuckled when I said that, because there's one part of us that is like, I wasn't expecting that quote, for you to start with. Right, you're like up all the things that? I think because it illustrates it illustrates the absolute absurdity of the mind of a high level. Covert narcissist. That's why I started with that. Yeah. So I want to ask you, because what I think is so valuable about an interview like this is that you're living inside of that marriage. And you hear your husband say that. What, tell me what goes through your mind when you hear something like that? At that point, when you weren't in any healing? You just heard that what goes through your mind when you hear something like that?

09:48

You know, I guess given society in my head, it's kind of like, oh, make sense. You know, like, what guy in this day and age wouldn't think that

10:00

Okay, okay. It almost

10:02

seemed like okay, I guess I guess that makes sense. Given.

10:08

So you didn't question it at that time any deeper. You didn't look into it? I don't.

10:16

I don't think so. I don't think I was giving it that much. Weight.

10:21

Yeah, okay. Okay. Now, fast forward to today, when you are fully into your healing path you've changed mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually elevated your life in every imaginal imaginable way. What would you feel today? If you were dating someone, and you're out at dinner? And this guy says something along those same lines? What would your thought process be today?

10:54

See? It was like today, like, I still think that's awesome. And, you know, if I was living a different life when I wasn't sitting at this table with you, I'd be a porn star. I'd be like, Alright, bye. Peace. Okay, okay. You're going home and watching porn after you dropped me off. So

11:15

right, right. So on on this issue of porn, when your ex husband said that, did that automatically indicate to you that he was a porn consumer?

11:28

I always knew that he was and you know, it's interesting because I, I was never, you know, an avid porn consumer, you know, kind of occasionally. You know, and I, when we moved in together for the first time, I remember there was this night, I kind of, I guess assumed that porn wouldn't really like, be in my naivety, like, I didn't think Porn was going to be like, in the relationship. So I remember, I woke up, we came home, we'd come home from somewhere, and I passed out and he let me know, I think he like, just let me know. He was like, oh, you know, like, you pass out. Like, I wanted to, like, you know, have sex or whatever. So I just like, you know, watched porn. And I remember feeling like, like, like, I got sucker punched in the gut. I was like, really? I was like, Well, I was right there. You know, like, I mean, I just was taking a nap. You were like, five feet from me. That's kind of weird. And but it was like, I guess for me, I was like, Okay, I guess, I guess I kind of got to normalize this, like, this is just what guys do. And so I did. I normalized it. Okay. And then I even watched occasionally, you know, it just it wasn't an addiction. For me, it wasn't a company. And but

12:49

yeah, that's really helpful. Lisa, because I, this porn thing is so damaging in so many ways. And, you know, there's there's literally 1000s of studies on the actual shrinkage in the gray matter of the brain. And it shifts the entire balance in the reward centers, the neurotransmitters, it reduces intimacy between partners. It is linked directly to increased sexual violence, I could go on and on and on. And perhaps I will, you know, in a future episode, literally just focus on the damage of porn, and I have students who are or have been, therapists, sex therapists have worked with sex workers, people in the industry, and it's just so dark and destructive, and yet, it's normalized. So I think for a lot of people who have partners who are addicted to porn, they feel like the weird person, if they make a big deal out of it, if they have a problem with it. And so they just basically suffer in silence. And when I say suffer, that's no exaggeration, because one of the things that you shared was that you felt that there was no empathy during sex. And you said that you felt very much like a just a doll, just something laying there, and that he didn't look at you during sex and that your face didn't exist. And I just would love if you could just share a little bit about like, take us through that journey of what that feels like to be in an intimate sexual relationship, but yet, feeling completely detached from any empathy or compassion or love, literally feeling like you were just, you know, something to masturbate into, which were your words, which I completely agree.

14:51

Yeah. Yeah, you know, it was such an unhealthy relationship from the start. The sex wasn't even really healthy from from the beginning. And I just was not being present with myself, obviously, you know, from trauma and wounding and all of that, you know. But, um, it was sort of like, by the time I got to a point where I was kind of speaking up about it more, we were already living together. Okay, and what I was noticing more, yeah, we were already living together. And I remember, you know, he was a well endowed guy. And I told him, You know, I told I told him this, and I need, I just need you to be a bit more gentle, like, ease in like, you know, warmed up, and he would use the excuse of like, you know, he wouldn't believe me, he was kind of like, well, compared to porn, bla, bla, bla, bla, you know, like, I'm not that big. And I'm like, I don't give a shit. What your screen is showing you, like, I'm right here in front of you, right? Literally telling you that my vagina needs some. I need like, are you going to listen to a screen but you can't even talk to you? Are you gonna listen to a person that's right in front of you.

16:29

Not to mention, as an aside, you know, women performing in those videos have had hundreds of partners and, you know, it's like, it's a tunnel down there. So I think he was not even connecting to you the reality of who you were as a woman from

16:44

and they're on painkillers, you know, like, they're not even Yes,

16:47

drugged out

16:48

awful. Yeah. So, I would basically just be like, okay, just get it in as quick as you can, as quickly as you can. That was kind of how he did it, did it, it was kind of like, you know, lube up real quick. And just just get it in as fast as you can. And then, um, and, and that was really, you know, it, it wasn't like a loving act of like, you know, you're essentially looking into each other's eyes as it's going in. And you know, you're checking in with your partner, like, are you okay? Or like, how does you know? Not to say that he wasn't like, oh, how does that feel? But it was more so like, from an ego perspective, or?

17:33

I call it performance check.

17:35

Yeah, yes. And here's the other thing. So I will always, he always made sure that, you know, I came I always came first, that was never an issue. But again, learning over time, that's just a performance thing, too. They just like to know that they could make you. Right. They care. Yeah. And interestingly,

17:57

you know, that's one of the reasons why over 90% of women fake orgasms, because when they're with partners who that is, like, their main goal, and they, you know, focus so much on that destination. And the woman is not at all present, enjoying it and is just like, let me just fake this and get it over with and, you know, move on with our day. And it's so it's just this, you know, circular, uncomfortable, unpleasant. Lacking love. Really, just mutual masturbation is what it becomes.

18:30

Yep. That was one thing I never did. I never did fake it. I think I think I did once just and then right after was like, oh, you know, I just acted like I did, because I didn't want you to have to keep going because I was having like trouble having one. Uh huh. And then but it wasn't like a real fate. It was like, oh, okay, like, thanks for that, you know, but like, yeah, just just just wanted you to kind of do your thing. It wasn't real, but I never really truly faked it. Yeah, but the the empathy thing, you know, was an issue and it wasn't like, he was funny because he would use the words like you'd be like, and it didn't sound it didn't feel or sound authentic. either. He would use making love. Right? And that is not what this feels like. That's not what this is, though. You know,

19:17

right? Right. It was just sort of like a label to slap on to hopefully make up for the lack of actual connection. So do you remember how you would feel like After that was over like, did you have any emotional reaction from that? Or were you kind of numbed out I know, women have different after effects of sex that takes place like that.

19:39

I always felt I always felt shame after sex. And that was from childhood sexual abuse, I feel I felt a sense of unease after like, why don't I feel like he's they're having the greatest time he's like, I was That was great. You know, I feel so good and relaxed. And it's not to say that like, you know, an orgasm is gonna make you feel some positive feelings like, there's no right. But there was always this underlying sense of shame that I felt like just you and I just didn't know what it was like, Why do I feel like I just did something wrong?

20:23

Right? It just didn't feel good to you on any level, other than the temporary?

20:29

Or very hot. Yeah, it was like, why is there this lingering feeling like I just did something shameful, or like, I just did something wrong. And I don't feel like, you know, like, I can just go like, run circles around, you know, the right world, like, I don't feel like I can take on the world. I feel a little bit, you know, I don't know, I just feel a little off.

20:54

I think that's so important, because I want everyone listening to really hear what you're saying. There's so many times in the life of a human, where we don't really question what we're feeling. So what I mean by that is you have these feelings, you feel disconnected, you're asking him to please slow down and be more gentle and connect with you. And he's disregarding that, and you're leaving the experience feeling shameful and not feeling good. And yet, you continue on another day. Yeah. And you continue to have experience after experience, just like that one. And you ignore it. So what I want to really convey to everybody listening is that it's okay, if you've done the same thing, because you get conditioned by society, conditioned to believe that these things are normal, that these things are the way to live. And you're just ignoring your own signs. And one of the most important things I think, on the healing path, is that you turn your focus within and you actually start listening to yourself, and tapping into your body and feeling. This doesn't feel right. And, you know, I'm always teaching that our bodies never lie. If something doesn't feel good, whether it's physically or emotionally, it's because it's not good, something's not good. And instead of ignoring that, and just moving on to a new day, it's so vital to take a look at that. And start questioning, why don't I feel good? What like, what is this? Yeah,

22:46

I ignored everything. From the very beginning. It was, it was just, it was like, a drug. You know, it was like I was addicted to feeling like shit.

23:01

Yes, I'm so glad you hit on that, because I wanted to segue, actually, from this conversation to your childhood. Because I think this is something also that just millions of people can relate to, which is that you were a victim of childhood sexual abuse. And often, when someone has experienced childhood sexual abuse, they are conditioned, and addicted to feeling like shit. That's what the normal state of being feels like. So anything that's outside of that, like, let's say, before you did healing, you met an amazing guy who didn't have these issues was not a high level covert narcissist, you would have run the other way. Because it would have felt boring, it would have felt like there's not real love there. Because when you are the victim of childhood sexual abuse, you automatically connect your feelings of love and affection, someone's giving love and affection you connect that with abuse. So when there's a person who might actually love you, and they're not abusive, your inner children are saying this, this, isn't it? This is not love. So, when you started looking at the issues in your marriage, and simultaneously, really, I think looking at the issues about your childhood. At what point did you start to make the connection or how did that happen like that you just like a light bulb went off and you're like, wow, okay, this is why I accepted this treatment in my marriage.

24:47

So, are you asking like, when did I put two and two together that

24:53

are more or more how not necessarily win but like how did how did you finally connect the dots and say okay, this Here's why my self esteem was obliterated. This is why I had no self love. This is why my marriage, why pick this partner? You know how, like coming to those levels of awareness and conclusions like how what did that look like for you, like walk us through the process?

25:17

I mean, the majority of it really came rather recently this past summer because after are going through the divorce, it was really just kind of rock solid couldn't ignore it. Where, you know, and it took me a while to even though I had called him out last year earlier last year, so early 2021, even though I was like, I think you're a narcissist. I think we got I would like a divorce. I think that's I think that's the next step. Even though that had happened, because there was that brief healing stint. I questioned whether he actually was I questioned whether I had had that right or not. So then, it wasn't until he was out of here. And I was like, Okay, finally accepting he truly was that then I was like, oh, you know, I, this, this, given just the magnitude of everything. This is all a pattern. This is all. This is all from what happened to me when I was younger. You know, I write, yeah.

26:40

Okay. That's really fascinating, because I always notice, when people start to connect the dots, and it's, it's always at the same time, it's like, a sigh of relief, like, okay, things in my life finally make sense? That's something I hear across the board. Like, oh, now I know why this happened. Now, I know why I did it. And at the same time, it's utter devastation. And the acceptance and the realization of childhood abuse that led to being abused by a narcissist is like, wow, I'm, you know, people are laughing at me behind my back, or I must have been a sucker. And I know that. I heard you say that at one point. And, you know, I see another reason why this part of the conversation is so essential, because it's not about anybody who is a victim of these abusers being a sucker. It's that you have this energetic frequency from childhood that shows you these are safe people. They're, they're so far from it. But you've come to rely your entire life on these abusers, and you meet new ones. And they step into the role that your childhood abusers had. And when that whole world falls apart, I observe two different basic responses. One is to run from the healing. And the other is to move through your grief. And truly start to release yourself from those chains. And seek ultimate freedom, ultimate sovereignty, ultimate self love. So in your situation, you picked choice number two, you continued healing, you have started a new business, you are thriving physically, mentally, emotionally. And your ex husband ran in the other direction. So I really want to highlight this because healing is can be a scary process. You're aware? Yeah, yeah. One of the biggest fears that people have is exactly this. It's having to accept the awareness of what your life was actually like, versus the fantasy that the inner children have been clinging to. And the same with a marriage. People just say, I can't believe my husband did this. I can't believe my wife did this. was I stupid. And so I'm just going to talk for a minute about your ex husband, because he was in some of my healing programs. And he did have a lot to say when he was there. Yet chose running away from his truth, his truth that came from his own path, his own attempted healing revelations that he shared, and how even seeing that he ran back and you ran forward towards your future. I want to really highlight the contrast here. So something that he shared with us was that, quote, this is his words, exactly. My mother was always depressed and anxious. So when I felt the same way, we could bond over that. But she never really wanted to get better. When I wanted to take a different approach to my healing, she would question it. Nothing would have made her happier than me seeking support the same way she did therapy and pills, then we could sit in it together forever. He then said, at 34 years old, I'm learning how to be an adult without my parents to fall back on for the first time in my life, and it terrifies me. I was never empowered or initiated. I was made to believe I was dumb, weak, and could not handle things on my own. This has uncovered revelations that I did not want to face. My father bullied and verbally abused me my whole life. He made fun of me every chance he could get with the occasional quote, I'm proud of you. When I did something, he instilled in me respect, hard work, and obeying authority. I sometimes feel like he's going to break down my apartment door and punch me in the face.

31:23

I feel that I'm still merged with my parents, I feel their presence every day, they're walking around with me like phantoms. When I hate myself, I feel my father. When I'm depressed, I feel my mother. If I were to stop hating myself, I would lose my father. If I were to stop suffering, I would lose my mother. If I were to be happy and successful, I would lose them both. That's that's hard for me to even speak. Because for me as a teacher, that's so tragic and devastating. And to me, looking at it from the spiritual perspective, doesn't really matter if someone is a narcissist, or whatever it is that they are. I hear a very sad, abused five year old little boy saying,

32:25

yes, yeah.

32:27

And it's devastating because some people grow up and take the path of becoming the abuser. And others take the path of being the empath, which really, you know, a lot of people clean very hard to that Empath label. But at the end of the day, it's probably because you're used to taking care of everyone else's needs, which is what turned you into the empath, right? So it's this magnetic attraction. And it's unhealthy. You know, the empath narcissist dynamic is so toxic, but when I hear his words about how if he were to stop hating himself, he would lose his father and stop suffering, he would lose his mother. And if he were to ever be happy and successful, he would lose both. And he didn't make that choice, he chose to go back to self hatred. He chose to go back to in his words, outside forces that are strong, quote, fast food, porn, alcohol, drugs, ex girlfriends, all lurking in the shadows. And, you know, I think that is the point at which people make a crucial decision to either run back to self hatred, and it's really, if you boil everything down, everything that I teach down to one sentence, you're either running towards self love, or you're running towards self hate. And he ran back to self hatred. And something else that he shared was that quote, you can see how I was parented showing up in my words, I don't enjoy being kind to myself, because I don't feel I deserve it. Unless I'm working and earning money. It wasn't modeled at all in my family, anger, suffering and pain, where I have been more comfortable and being kind to myself though. And now that I'm connected with my inner children, it's more important, but yet, he chose to go back to the family called you, on the other hand, chose to disconnect from the family called and to disconnect from your abusers. And when you did that, you faced backlash from people in your family, including your parents and your own sister. Mm. And friends, yeah, and friends and friends. Yeah. And your sister, you know, said some very low level nasty things to you and characterized your life as if you were a terrible person, she commented on your physical appearance, she really kind of took a very, very low road in her own anger, which I get it, I see this happen so frequently because the one who breaks away is the one who forces everybody else in the family to have to look at the reality because you're out right? You've been in the family called Family cults operate with secrets. The minute one person escapes and starts speaking out, activating their throat chakra, shining a light, and they can't stop you from doing it. They try, you know, they try with the bullying and with the insults and things like that. And when you're not laying down and being their doormat anymore, they get extremely agitated, because they're not healing and they don't want to have to face the things that your ex husband just, you know, me reading His words when he shared were the things he had to face. And he chose to not keep facing them, you know, he chose to run back to that misery that abused that toxic environment. So you made the choice to go ahead and continue healing. And you're doing so incredibly well. And I would love for you to just share something that you feel made the difference for you are how you have the strength to do that, because everybody has exposure to the teachings. Right? So that's step one, but not everybody completely goes through with the actual healing process. Because as we just saw with your ex husband, it's fucking hard. Right? Yeah. So what do you feel could help people like understand how you did that? How you were able to push through the abuse, the the abuse you got when your ex husband was leaving? The financial abuse, the emotional abuse than the abuse of your family, your father, your mother? How did you do that? Where did you find the strength? If you could share a little bit about that? I feel it'd be so helpful.

37:21

Sure. Um, you know, I really feel that a huge awareness came to me in 2020. You know, I just saw what was going on in the world. And as everything was shutting down, I realized, I had never lived. And I, I was like, you know, you couldn't travel, we couldn't do anything. And I was like, Oh, my God, I didn't even get a chance to really do any of the things that I had planned to do. I just had this all of a sudden, I had this awareness. And I was living in a location that I didn't love. I had been wanting to get out. I kind of just all smacked me in the face that I hadn't lived yet. And, you know, this was before realizing, you know, the majority of everything. And so for me, you know, everyone's I guess everyone has a different reason. For me. It was just like, I just realized, I wasn't living. And I just wanted to do everything I possibly could to live like, I just felt I all of a sudden, I just felt myself just like fighting for my life. Like I had never I realized I had taken it for granted. I didn't know why. I didn't know fully why yet. I didn't know why. I was, you know, in my early 30s, I'm feeling like, all of a sudden, realizing like I've wasted time, like, what have I done? What have I haven't done? I have journal entries where I'm just like, What the fuck am I doing? God, please, can you give me a sign? Can you Can I need help? You know, I need help. I, um, you know, at the time, I was 32 I was like, I'm 32 years old. And I feel like I haven't done anything with my life. And, you know, I've wasted time, you know? Oh, and writing down, you know, Will I ever become a mother? You know, that was always something that was really important to me. You know, just, I just I had this just inner knowing, like, there has got to be more to life than this. I'm suffering. I was in chronic pain. Living in chronic pain was a big thing. Physical? Yeah, I was in physical. I was living with chronic physical pain, smoking weed. And I just looked around and I was just like, This is not life. Like I know I'm not living life. This is not it. And I just knew I had to find a way I needed to be shown out was just like God showing me the way, you know? And then you know, I and then I came across you. You know, I asked I was in an air b&b I packed up and moved, we packed up moved, we were in a temporary air b&b. And, you know, I Jesus was coming through I was like, I've never really given him much weight before you know, Jack rejected him because of religion. But he's coming through, there's something here. And I was just like, Jesus, can you show me? Can you show me your, you know, show yourself to me? And then, you know, within a couple of days, I found you.

40:40

Wow, that that always, I always ask people that story to you know, how they how they found me or, and that's such a common theme there. Like I was praying to Jesus, and then I found you which I think every time I hear that I get goosebumps, because I it's sort of my entire purpose for existing. Yeah.

40:59

In my awareness, but it was like I said, The words like I really like going hard on like, alright, if you like this Bible thing feels weird. I don't like what I'm reading here. But you know, I'm feeling called right? Yourself to me. Like, like you said to fairy.

41:17

Fairy and Santa combined. Yeah,

41:19

yeah. And then I came across to you. And I was just like, this is like, I didn't know, really, but I knew, you know, I'm like, okay. That's something. But it was. I just felt like shit. I mean, that's really what it comes down to. I felt like shit, I felt like, I was wasting my life. And I knew that there had to be more. And I went all in, you know, I just, I knew there was a chance to, you know, when I first joined, the the went into the Facebook community, you know, where a lot of all the conversation happens. And then the conversation happened about husbands. I was like, Well, you know, that sucks. But if this is what needs to happen, and let it happen, right, this is what I gotta do to feel better. If this is the issue, if this is one of the issues, then, you know, well, okay, because why I don't want to choose to suffer or to feel like shit, if this has to go, you know?

42:25

Yeah, I definitely, I think that's one of your greatest strengths. And I'm hoping that in listening to this conversation, people can learn something from your approach, I feel that you entered into the process, the healing process with a very open mind and a willingness to make tough decisions. There are some people that go in which your ex husband is a perfect example of this, who stick their toe in the water of healing, but deep down, they're not willing to do the hard stuff. They're not willing. I mean, it's mind blowing to me, but it's happened so often that of course, I'm not shocked anymore. But when someone says, If I were to be happy and successful, I would lose my parents. I mean, that is the world's biggest red flag that your parents are toxic, like, you know, but, but he went into healing with a toe in the water, never really open minded enough, never really, with a commitment to himself to do whatever it took to have self love. He did make the commitment to himself. And you did that

43:43

I did. But you know, what's so interesting, though, is that in reading the things that he was sharing, or and in our conversation, you know, the abuse was there, the manipulation, the gaslighting, it was all happening here. But then there were posts like that, there were conversations like that, he I would wake up and he'd be listening to you on his own, you know, we'd be talking about it. So I got so confused. So like, it's like, if anybody who knows what really kind of went down from observing, who may be thinking, you know, wow, we didn't know is that bad? And I, for me, it's like, yeah, you know, like, I kind of didn't know either, like, I knew things didn't feel good, but I feel confused because then read that, you know, oh, he's got this awareness. He just needs more time. So that was my greatest drug. My greatest addiction like I gave up the weed. I gave up my abusers. I let all the family go but I was clinging to him because I felt you know, we we can do this like you want peace you want to feel better or you say you want peace you say you want to feel better. All right, well, like let me have some more patience and some more compassion and let me keep trying to pull you up and

45:00

And yes, yes. But all it was doing

45:03

was bringing me down, but I knew deep down and not even deep down. Like it wasn't a deep, it wasn't like an unconscious thing. I always was staying the path and that just pissed him off. Yes. Like I was never going to stop healing. Niger just in his, you know, selfish ego was just like wanting to win, you know? And yeah so determined to throw me off and get me off and it was just like no, like it'll take you down and like it's not gonna fucking happen like you got to just leave, if this is how it's gonna be like it's you're gonna lose like it's not gonna happen, I might be stumbling because I care. But I'm not going to stop. And I told him the beginning I was upfront from the beginning.

45:49

I think that's another thing that you did, which everybody can learn from especially to enter into healing with a partner. You You were very clear about that. You talked about it, you wrote about it. You talked to him about it. There were discussions about it, where you said, I'm continuing on the healing path period. And you were having a lot of life proof you were physically feeling amazing. You were quitting weed, you were happier. You had a vision and exciting dreams for your future. You were talking about having a child, you know, you were really opening up and expanding to a higher life A Better Life, A joyful life, you know, and he would go back and forth and his demons, the drugs, the alcohol, the porn, the misery, I think, more than the drugs, the porn and the alcohol. It was the misery of his parents that he shared because, you know, I didn't know anything about him obviously, when he joined our community, but the misery that he was addicted to that feeling of everything's always bad, everything's depressing. I'm worthless. His his energetic signature is I'm worthless. And that's obvious, because people who are that self destructive, that run right back into such a highly toxic environment, they're self destructive, because they feel they're worthless. And you had some glimpse, I'm thinking you must have had some glimpse of your light of your true self. Even if it was maybe a flicker in the beginning. It seems to me like you had something that was getting you past, the self destructive, low self worth, energy, you were like, I'm staying on this path. I'm not getting off. And you can try to drag me down, but it's not going to work. Do you have a conscious awareness of anything like that, where you had some vision of yourself, like a higher version of yourself?

47:51

It was, it was just a knowing it was. I don't know early on, I just knew I just knew I was done. Settling, I just knew that I was I knew that I had been settling on like, I don't, I'm like I'm not making tons of money. I don't feel my body. My marriage isn't great. I don't even like where I live. Now. I moved again. What else? You know, my relationships with friends and family? Like they're not, you know, great. Nothing was great. And I'm like, I want great, like, I want I want to feel good. I just want to feel better.

48:35

Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's amazing. That's, it's just so beautiful to see. And I think that, you know, um, if you're really doing the healing work, I believe that everybody sees that at some point, because something else that your ex said, these are his words, quote, Leanna. Thank you so much for your encouraging words and support, stepping into my true authentic power, not some fake false self power has been hard and scary. But each time I'm faced with a crisis, I have another breakthrough. I'm finally opening up to the joy and excitement that's on the other side of this. So I, when I first read that when he said that, I know that that was that was genuine, he actually was seeing a better life for himself. But it meant to doing the work to get there seeing it and getting there to different things, and the commitment to do the work. He didn't have it. You know, and I think I really think that that, in a nutshell is why some people make it and some people don't, because they just don't have the commitment to themselves. It's not a commitment to anybody external. It's not to me, it's not to it's to themselves, that they're worthy of that what they see that light at the end of the tunnel that they they're seeing it in their own vision in their own field of vision.

49:59

Well, he was also are carrying a lot of shame because he would have done had to admit all of his cheating and his lying. So he's getting a glimpse of okay, like, This feels good like I great joy, happiness. Wow, that's a first. Oh, but I lied to her to get to this point, like, a lot. And so now I'm gonna have to come clean. And if I actually really want this, I don't even know if this will who knows if he even thought that far through whatever money we're going to act like I. But yeah, so that carrying shame to he, you know,

50:40

I said great. I'm so glad you brought that up because shame and guilt are almost destructive ego states, they're not emotions. They're just ego states and they prevent you from healing, literally, like you just said, Yeah. And, you know, the difference between a narcissist and why I say narcissist, and I say almost never heal, because I do actually have a few students who were narcs, and they're healed. So it does happen. But it's extremely rare. But you know, the difference between a narcissist and a true empath is that when you come up to that shame, when you look at how you've harmed other people, or how you had an addiction to drugs or alcohol, you know, we hear all kinds of stories from people on the healing path, how they hid their children, they were addicted to violent porn, they abused animals they had for abortions, they, you know, people face, you have to you can't go through the gauntlet of healing, if you can't face your own shadow. That's the whole concept of healing the shadow. And when you start on the healing path, I think there's a lot of like happy go lucky, this is great, this is wonderful, I feel good, then there's, I see a better future, it's possible. And then there's usually some great physical changes, I know your ex had done my Candida program, and he was looking amazing, he lost weight, a lot of physical things were changing, giving up the weed, etc. But then, inevitably, you have to face your own shadow. And that's where it gets really rough. And when people face this, if the shame is bigger than your commitment to yourself, it's over, game over. And it's really hard. I mean, we have some people in our community who, you know, there's a mom and her kids all healing together, again, also very rare. But, you know, having to look at her own wounds as a mom that that she suffered as a child, but then also the shame of what she feels, you know, she did to her own children as they as they heal and kind of hold her accountable. And that shame can can take you down. And I think that is exactly what happened to your axe because he didn't want to have to face that he didn't want to have to do that. To get to the good part to get to the better life. It requires impeccable self accountability. And one thing a trait that I noticed in people who successfully break through and heal is that they are willing to have impeccable self accountability. And, you know, I think that you bring up that topic is so important. And I hope everybody listening really takes that to heart because it's it's the key when you get to that crossroads of I'm either turning back, or I'm forging ahead to a better life. So I want to kind of switch a little bit topic wise here to have you talk a little bit about your childhood, because recently had shared some memories that came to you about your maternal grandfather, when you were around age seven, and you were traveling in the Bahamas.

54:12

So my parents were I believe my parents were no your

54:16

parents were You were home and you stayed with your grandparents. Yes. Okay. So, you, you talked about some really interesting things related to that. So I'm wondering if you would share a little bit about the, you know, revelations that have come to you, and you know, anything about that that you want to discuss so that we can sort of help other people who have gone through very similar things. Yeah.

54:48

Yeah. And even before, I was kind of holding back a little bit when we were first touching on the child abuse, but you know, I want to kind of circle back to that and then you know, I'll go into it. So absolutely, please go ahead when, you know last summer, like I had always knew that abuse had happened for me, like there was I had memories come to me that I didn't really understand when I was about 11. Things didn't really make sense. There was, you know, child on child activities, sexual things that had happened, you know, and I was like, where did I learn this? What, what, what is all of this? And then last summer, you know, it had come to me. No, not even last summer, when I first moved out of the state that I lived in, and then moved to a different one I got really far from my parents, from my family. Then when I would go back home to visit, I started having flashbacks around my father. And there were sexual flashbacks. And I was just like, oh, like, what is this? Like, why am why are these things like entering my head while I'm standing next to him? Like, that's, this is weird. Wow. And then, you know, through healing work, it all kind of came to a head and I realized, I was able to kind of put two and two together and connect all the dots that were always there. And the reason why I wanted to circle back to this was because we were talking about I think we're talking about, you know, my ex husband, and when did I know? That's I think the question was like, when did I know that things weren't? Good? Or there were some?

56:34

Yeah, something. Yeah. When you knew that things, the sexual relationship between you and your husband was not a good one.

56:41

Yeah, you know, what's so interesting, though, is the very night that I met him, I remember that he had similar music tastes to my father. I remember thinking about and I remember over the years, somebody Remarking on his last name, being, you know, Italian, like my father's, and someone even saying that he looked like him. And, you know, now all connecting the dots, you realize that these patterns are in place, like you ended up sort of, you know, seeking or attracting somebody who's who's like your

57:18

abusers. Right? Yes.

57:21

Yes. So that was something I kind of wanted to share. Um, you know, it's like, the signs were there. But it's like, you know, that wasn't really like, super prevalent yet. And, and then yeah, more memories have have have surface things. Things. It's like, man, like, you know, you might not be thinking in your head, this person sexually abused me. But there might be something weird or off that you feel like that they may, or they may not be treating you well. Or you may hear something and your head might turn a little bit like, Oh, what was that? That was a little weird. Or you just there's just something there every single person. And it's not always like this for everyone. I feel like there's there are those cases where somebody's like, I just didn't know I didn't want, right. I don't know, I just always knew there's something I just don't want to make absolute. Usually, it's something I can say that, you know, when I look back, there's just always something there where I'm like, Oh, that makes sense. And so there, you know, my father had come through, then my grandfather had come through. There were others too. And I just realized how rampant it was. And when I look back at these men who had abused me, they weren't kind to me. They weren't nurturing, they weren't empathetic. They were kind of cruel. They were cruel. They didn't they were neglectful.

59:01

You know, yeah. And in your, in your awareness around your dad, surrounding your dad and the sexual abuse from him. Did you notice any other signs that like, sort of suddenly put the pieces together in the puzzle? Like, in other words, his relationship with your mom or his surrounding himself with other women or his lifestyle? Were there other pieces that you didn't connect until this all connected?

59:34

Oh, are there other pieces that I didn't connect until this all connected? I mean, I always knew that I felt uncomfortable about things. There were things that had happened. Okay, so is it so basically, I think maybe why you're asking is if I can give some concrete examples This might link things for other people is

59:55

that I start to see the pieces

59:58

Okay. So here's some examples. When I was younger, I remember going on the computer and seeing porn in the browser history. And it was animal porn. And I just was like, so disgusted, I deleted the history for him.

1:00:18

Oh, wow. So already in that, like rescue mode of like, protecting user?

1:00:24

Yes, yes, exactly right. And then I always felt uncomfortable he he had this motorcycle club that he had created. And my mom was basically like the wing woman for it all. And he would have these, like, half naked women pose on his bikes and take photos. And this was all happening when I was like, in high school. Wow, or Junior High High School. And I remember feeling so weird about it. Like, it just felt inappropriate. And it made me feel like because he didn't even give me attention. And then, you know, there's these like, half naked girls like on his bike, and I remember just feeling like, that feels weird. I don't know, this feels off. very extreme example. I don't think everybody's got like their dads.

1:01:13

But no, it really gives I think, overall, everything you're sharing on this topic is about a feeling in your body. It's not a thinking. It's not like you're trying to, you know, create something, it's you feel it. And then you dismiss it, you feel something else and you dismiss it, it doesn't feel good. The same thing you said about you know, sex with your ex, the same thing you're saying now about being a young, high school student and this feeling very off? I think you're illustrating it perfectly that this is exactly how this happens. People feel something's not right. But the brain wants to instantly make it right. Because you're completely dependent on those parents. Yeah. Yeah. It

1:01:53

would shatter your home world. So you just don't you have to you have to shove it away to, you know, function to survive. Yeah. There was, even this is, this is just such a simple thing. This is such a simple thing. I was we were out at a family function. And I was dressed up. And I remember he looked at me and was like, the way he looked at me. And then he turned to my mother was like, didn't we make such a beautiful daughter? And she was just like, oh, yeah, and I just remember feeling. I didn't like it. I felt weird. I felt like display like I felt. I think they didn't a compliment and feel good. Right? Not feel like that. It should feel good when you're

1:02:37

Oh, definitely. It should feel like oh, that's so sweet. Right?

1:02:41

Right. Never. I didn't feel sweet. Um, there was that he worked for me once. When I was blow drying my hair. I didn't have any clothes on. That was a thing in my house. Like, nobody would like knock. Everybody would like knock and then they wouldn't

1:02:55

wait. Boundaries, like boundaries just open.

1:02:59

Yeah, like I could never just feel like at ease. So I'm blow drying my hair didn't have any clothes on. He came in. You know, I was like older tail. I want to say it was like maybe between like 18 or 20. Maybe 20. He didn't apologize. He just walked down.

1:03:15

Wow.

1:03:17

I'm like, Dude, I think that's something you kind of got to address.

1:03:21

And 100%? Yes.

1:03:24

So sorry about that. Honey, I got nothing. That's weird.

1:03:35

And yeah, that's Sorry. Go ahead.

1:03:37

No, I yeah, I'm trying to think I don't have anything go for it.

1:03:42

Yeah, no, I reminds me of a student of mine at a woman in her late 50s, who was a student who had a daughter, who was in her 20s, early 20s. And this daughter was very sick all the time, chronic illness. Always in doctors, just one thing after the depressed. We've had all these problems. And she said to me, can you you know, she had an eating disorder. Like, you name it, this poor thing. beautiful young lady. And her mom says to me, her mom was had been a student of mine for a while and she said, you know, would you please have a session with, you know, my daughter? And that was back when I did you know, one on one sessions? And I said, Sure. So I have a session with this young lady and she starts the conversation by telling me all of her illnesses and how she's depressed and how she's been in this relationship since he was like 16. And he's abusive, and he's has no plans for life and he has no vision and they're both living it, you know, at the mom's house at my original students house. And she proceeds to tell me that she just can't get out of this deep, deep depression, and self hatred and eating disorder. So the first question I asked her because I already knew the mom First question I asked her was, how's your relationship with your dad? That's it just a simple, how's your relationship with your dad? And she said, funny, you should say that, because he's a great guy, but I feel really creeped out by him. And I said, What do you mean? And she said, Well, something just recently happened at Christmas. My little three year old niece was over. And we have a huge basement where people go downstairs and watch movies, and there's a pool table. And she said, my little niece went downstairs to kind of explore and check out the games and things down there. And my dad followed immediately after her. I was standing in the kitchen, and I ran to the staircase and went down there. And she said, it happened so quickly. Like it was an instinct. Yes, it was an instinct, she ran down the stairs, she said she was afraid for her niece. And she stayed down there with her the whole time, the dad was down there. And anybody who hears that, and knows anything about sexual abuse, would instantly recognize that as a very huge warning sign that it wouldn't be a natural instinct to run down there to protect a child, because your dad went down there. And so as soon as she said this to me, and she and not to mention, she described her feeling around her dad is feeling, quote, creeped out by him. She really felt like this guttural discomfort, this feeling in her body that she couldn't make sense of. And she said to me, I really she was, gosh, even in just you asking me that question. So much is coming up for me. And I feel like I was sexually abused. This is what she said to me on the phone. And I said, Well, I highly recommend you look deeper into this, you should probably have a conversation with your mom, because she's a student, she's willing to help you because her mom had said, I want to help my daughter, I want to help my daughter, no matter what this was a very loving, supportive mom seemed to be anyway. And so we finished the session talked about other things, health and different nutritional interventions and things like that to help her get energy back. And, you know, being early 20s, she was like sleeping 14 hours a day. And it was just, it was just a terrible cycle she was in. And lo and behold, never had another session with her again. Her mom said to me, you know, I think my daughter is crazy. And I said, I don't think your daughter is crazy, because I asked a very simple question. Oh, what's your relationship with your dad? That's not that's not a very probing, you know, like alerting question. That's, that's kind of square one. When you're looking at what is going on in your life. Your mom and your dad are your primary people. So if your life is a shit show, something is going on in the family dynamic. That's obvious. I mean, that's not even that, you know, difficult to grasp. But the mom said, I think my daughter is crazy. I think her brain is malfunctioning because of her anorexia. And I said, Well, I feel completely different. I feel like she has the anorexia because there's deeper issues here. And the mother said, Well, I just think she needs to get her shit together. I was shocked. I was flabbergasted because this mom was somebody who had,

1:08:36

you know, really seemed to be hailing and was the one that suggested that this young lady had an appointment with me. And I saw her go from that to complete denial. And, you know, her and her husband were in the process of selling their business, very successful business and moving out of state, and moving to a warmer climate and buying a big fancy house, on the intercostal waterway and living this life of, you know, having parties, dinner parties and this sprawling mansion and she was so wrapped up in that life, that she instantaneously went into denial of her own daughter saying I'm creeped out by dad. And I had to run down to the basement to protect my niece. So, you know, there's this, everything that you're saying was a feeling in the body, everything that didn't feel right to you. And you eventually got to the point where you connected the dots and my hope and prayer for everybody listening because I know that this is rampant. Sexual abuse is an epidemic, and that people listening can hear your story and hear you didn't connect the dots right away. This isn't like you instantaneously knew what was going on. But it's the series of things that Justin Ever felt right? And observing your dad's behaviors, observing your ex husbands behaviors, and then eventually choosing to honor your own feelings to where you were able to connect the dots?

1:10:12

Yeah, and I should also add, you just reminded me. I mean, there were subtle things my whole life too. I would jump whenever he came into the room. And I never felt comfortable. I never felt like I could put my guard down, like, just fully relaxed into myself, you know? So that's important to look at just these very subtle things. It's like, you should feel comfortable. Why am I jumping? Why am I scared? And I would do that when my ex husband would come into the room sometimes, too. And he actually got to a point where I would tell him like, he would knock before he was entering the room. Like, just like, because I had a startle response.

1:10:49

Yeah, hyper vigilance. Mm hmm. Yeah, that's a form of or a symptom of PTSD? Yeah. Yeah.

1:10:56

So that would happen. And then, um, you know, the stuff with my, with my, with my grandfather, was he, when he passed away? I mean, I didn't really care, like, meaning. I felt. I was like, Why? Why don't I feel anything? Why don't I want to go, I didn't want to go to the funeral I didn't want. I was remembering how he just basically didn't exist and how he treated me when he saw me, he always seemed very uncomfortable. He didn't stay long at the house, he left really early. He would do things like, you know, it would be at the holidays. And he'd be like, oh, like, I forgot your check. I forgot your gift. I'll give it to you next time or giving me like a gift card with nothing on it. So like, I'd get to the store. And then it was empty. Like when like God? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, wow, would have been an accident. Who knows when that happened? I don't know. But wow. And I just.

1:11:56

And you had revelations that he sexually abused you as well, right?

1:12:00

I did. Yeah. Yeah, they can. They were very strong. They were like vivid. And it. It was a memory I'd always had meaning I saw the room like there was a memory. It was like a nice one. But then it just turned, you know, as I kind of connected some dots and put two and two together. I was like, Oh, that wasn't actually a nice memory at all. There was more to that. And that explains this behavior around me of how uncomfortable he felt and how I was like the Forgotten granddaughter, and why I didn't feel anything when he passed away. Yeah.

1:12:36

Wow, that's so powerful. That's, unfortunately very common, you know, the memories that people have. But they stick to maybe the first part of it, that was a happy memory, or they they see the room and it was oh, that was my childhood bedroom or that was at my grandparents house and and then they stop it because you know, the child's instinct is to push away anything that destroys their world. Yeah. So that's, that's all really very enlightening Lisa and I feel like this conversation is the opening of a massive expansion for throat chakra energy. For so many people. People are really becoming vocal and activated right now in terms of speaking their truth. Not remaining in victimhood. That's what I love so much about you among a million other things that are great about you. But you're just you're never playing the victim role. You talk about the sadness, you grieve. You talk about how difficult the challenge is what you've been through all of it without candy coating, the raw, real, you know, abuse that you suffered, but you are here as an empowered woman, as somebody who's very inspirational and as somebody who is now forging a path ahead with your own career really stepping out into the world with Inside Out glow coach. And you know, so just in closing here, we have a few more minutes left I would love for you to share your vision with Inside Out glow coach because I want people to see what a life transformed looks like. So that by the end of this podcast, people leave here saying Wow, no matter what I've been through, no matter what abuse, sexual, mental, emotional, narcissistic family call, I can not only survive that, I am going to thrive I'm not going to identify as a victim for the rest of my life. And I'm not going to let these abusers take my life down a dark path. So if you want to share for a few minutes like about Inside Out glow coach, what's your you know, vision for that? Where do you see it going in the near future and who are you looking to help? I would love for you to share that.

1:14:54

Yeah, thank you. I would like How to very much let women know that you don't have to let this take you down. You know, I, when all of this happened, you know, and it all came to a head a few months ago, I was in, barely furnished apartment, without a car, or an income. And I had, I lost everything, almost everything, you know, except my life, I didn't have family anymore, I didn't have friends, my husband had left. You know, I had a support system through, you know, Leanna and our healing community. But there was really no one physical present anymore, it was just me on my own for the first time in my entire life. And I had to, you know, work to kind of pull myself back up. For me, there was no other option. And I didn't want there to be another option, there wasn't a plan B. And so I want women to know that there doesn't have to be like, you don't have to. You don't have to go back, you don't have to settle. And it wasn't easy. You know, I did have, because I don't want to paint that picture. Either that it was like, you know, he left and I was on my own and then boom, everything skyrocketed. It was like I actually did like, the depths of health in June, actually, you know, recently. You know, I was actually, I had a really hard month a zinger he had said to me was kind of get gotten to my head that I felt like I couldn't afford to eat, you know, and it got into my head. And I could, I was able to kind of, I was able to do what I needed to do. But I was kind of holding back on, on getting what I needed. And I remember being on the bathroom floor, doing my coffee enema. I dropped weight. And I was just not glowing, so to speak, everything was just kind of a mess. And I remember being on the floor, and just being like, I could die right now. And nobody would know. And who am I helping like this? This isn't, I can't stay here, I can't do this. I can't let him get to me. I can't. And, you know, that was sort of the the last. I think the last real, like, rock bottom that I needed to kind of, you know, but it was also it was also you know, PTSD, everything kind of just crashed. And on me, it was like my body just, I was like, I'm good. Like, this is great. The worst like it were, you know, I don't have him around me anymore. This is great. But ultimately everything kind of came. And I actually now kind of know how to mitigate that. And I there are things that I would have done differently to kind of, you know, avoid that. So I've been through a lot of pitfalls and ups and downs that I feel I can help women sort of navigate and avoid preventative measures, so to speak. Right turns I learned through a lot of pain. I learned through a lot of pain. It was like as dedicated as I've been to my path and wanting to feel better. I have learned through a lot of pain. And so I want women to know, it's like you've already been through so much. So I'm here to help you avoid more of it, you know, it's better. Absolutely a light at the end of the tunnel.

1:18:40

That's awesome. I really feel that you have so much to offer. And you have been through a lot and having come out on the other side, you are in such a great position to help other people navigate that because having a coach having somebody who has walked a similar path is incredibly valuable. And knowing that you can have the life that you want, you can be healthy physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, you can be happy. And in the aftermath of a divorce from a high level, covert narcissist. It's not all unicorns and rainbows. You know, there are some really rough patches. So I am so grateful that you agreed to be on the podcast as my first official guest and your story is an amazing one of resilience and triumph and self love. So I feel confident that this podcast number three will be something that will help every single person who listens and so thank you so much Lisa for being here today and I can't wait to see you grow and expand and we'll have a future you know, podcast update on your your business and how it's going and, you know, and I'm sure it's some point you'll have your own podcast.

1:20:02

That would be awesome. So thank you so much Leanna This was awesome. I really appreciate it. It was a lot of fun. So you're welcome. I really hope it helps other women.

1:20:15

Thank you everyone for listening today. That concludes episode three of Deep Throat. And by that I mean throat chakra. You can follow me at Liana Shanti on Instagram and Twitter. I am also on YouTube now. Liana Shanti. My website is Lianashanti.com, where you'll find my programs, my free offerings and my blog. You can also subscribe to eliminations forecast.com If you'd like to be part of my weekly message, which is everything from prayers and meditations, clearings, information on what is happening with the energy on the planet and the planets in the sky with a dash of quantum physics, lots of humor stories and a frequent backyard rooster. Until next time, beautiful people Aloha