Yes, Virginia, There is Cocaine in the White House. . . . The Omaha Bugle Offers to Investigate the Cocaine Incident

The recent discovery of a baggy of cocaine in the White House is analyzed by Adam and Jeff.  They are concerned about the apparent lack of concern expressed by the Secret Service which has declined to interview the nearly 500 person list of suspects .  Because the amount of cocaine is such that it would only constitute a misdemeanor, the Secret Service does not seem to feel the need to carry out a full-scale investigation.  Adam and Jeff offer their services to pick up the slack and conduct a full-scale investigation of the cocaine incident, pointing out that they, as private citizens, are not constrained by the Geneva Convention, and can thus use wires, car batteries, hot irons and dental tools as they see fit in order to secure a confession.  Jeff also announces that the chairman of the board of the Omaha Bugle has recently purchased a highly coveted Hunter Biden fingerpainting which will be hung with pride in the lobby of the broadcast center just as soon as it dries.